Chapter 15
"Where there is love, there is life."
Mahatma Gandhi
"I've been thinking about going back to Forks," I blurt out in the middle of my following therapy session.
Carmen's honey-colored eyes narrow ever so slightly, revealing that she is clearly a little taken back by my sudden outburst.
"Okay?" she continues calmly, motioning for me to explain.
I feel my nerves bubble up inside of me. Ever since Bella surprised me with a visit two days ago, I haven't been able to get the thought out of my mind. My stomach churns and I feel my mouth run dry, nervous for what Carmen might say.
"The Farmer's Ball is on Friday and it's this big social event."
"And you want to go?"
Carmen sees right through my pitiful argument, knowing fully well that I hate large social gatherings.
"I should be there, for the Farm, for-," my voice trails off.
We haven't talked much about Paul in these sessions yet, which is partly why I'm so nervous to even mention it to her.
"I think I may be in love with Paul," I confess, my voice barely above a whisper.
My therapist's eyes soften.
"I miss him so much, Carmen. I think about him every day."
Deep within my chest I feel my heart swell with emotion, threatening to explode.
"Do you think-," I pause, terrified of her answer.
Glancing her way, I see that she is watching my knee bounce nervously. Forcing it to an immediate stop, I lean forward, resting my arms on both of my knees instead.
"Am I ready?" I ask carefully.
She studies me, filling the room with silence for an excruciating moment.
"What do you think?"
This "answering a question with a question" is probably the least favorite thing I like about going to therapy. I get to my feet, picking up one of the stress balls she has laying around. Desperate for an outlet for the annoyance I feel and abundance of nerves. I pace for a moment, collecting my thoughts. Honestly, I knew this was coming, so I've already thought my answer through.
"I know I still have a lot to work through," I begin.
She doesn't give me a single reaction.
"But the fact that I can put my emotions into words and not freak out is a good sign."
"You're not freaking out?" she asks, sending my fidgeting hands a pointed look.
This is usually how I react before I have a meltdown, so I can understand her concern.
I release a sharp laugh.
"No," I answer.
She doesn't look convinced.
"I mean, yes, I'm freaking out a little, but it's not because of the reason you think," I take a breath.
Feeling my nerves and the ensuing tension settle, I lock onto the new emotion that I've been learning to accept and that appears to be growing by the second. When I finally raise my eyes to meet hers, I'm surprised by the steadiness and ardency in my tone.
"I love him, Carmen. I'm completely and utterly in love with him."
The admission falls so easily from my lips that I almost laugh.
"And I'm not freaking out because of how I feel, which is pretty fucking remarkable. What I feel for him makes me so happy."
My therapist's expression is painfully neutral, but I can see the smallest hint of pride which gives me hope.
"I desperately want to be with him. I want to build a life with him, a future," I pause.
"But I just don't know if I'm ready."
Carmen slowly gets to her feet, placing her notepad on the table next to her, before taking a step towards me. Instinctively, I curl my arms protectively around myself, terrified of what she's going to say.
"Can you just give me a straight answer for once?" I beg and watch as her lips twitch.
"Leah," she breathes, placing a comforting hand on my arm.
"You have come so far in these past few months and I am very proud of you."
I close my eyes, waiting for the "but" that I know must be just around the corner.
"A good friend of mine has a practice in Forks. I'll gladly give you his number."
My eyes shoot open and fly to hers. This time she does nothing to hide the proud grin on her face.
"We all need a bit of love in our lives and you definitely deserve it, Leah."
§§§
I hail a cab as soon as I step out onto the streets after my session, an urgency building inside of me along with immense joy. Looking down at the business card in my hands, I make a quick decision to call Carmen's friend as soon as possible and set up an appointment. Continuing my therapy with this: Jasper Whitlock, was going to be an instrumental part in rebuilding my life in Forks, my life with Paul. And for the first time in my life, I was excited about what the future had to offer.
Stepping out in front of my apartment building, I take a moment to appreciate how far I've come and pat myself on the back for having had the strength as a scared and broken teen to actually build a life I could be proud of. This had been my dream and the life I'd chosen when I ran away so many years ago, but it was no longer the life I wanted. Walking into my apartment I think back to Paul's insistence and unquestionable faith that fate had brought us together. Back then I hadn't been ready to give up my apartment and jump into the deep unknown with him, but now…
Wearing a wide smile on my face, I pick up my phone calling my landlord as I log onto my computer to find decent moving company. I know I could probably pack down my small apartment in a matter of days, saving quite a bit of money, but I wasn't willing to wait that long. I'd already made my decision and I was ready to start living my dream.
Life was too short.
Getting the logistics sorted, I grab my overnight bag and begin stuffing it with everything I could think of needing before the rest of my things arrive. Laughing, I'm reminded of how different this exact situation was a few short months ago; how different I was.
Then, without ever looking back, I lock up my apartment, leave the key with my landlord and get into my car before heading out of the city.
§§§
Cruising down the small, dark roads leading to Forks, I feel my excitement build. Practically vibrating in my seat with nervous energy, I try to imagine what it will be like to see him again. What he'll say. How he'll react. It's past dinner time so he'll probably be in the house, or maybe over by the barn...
I'm so lost in my inner musings that I almost don't recognize his truck parked outside of that run down, local pub where we first met. Pulling up beside him, I can physically hear my heartbeats pounding in my chest as I turn off the ignition. My mouth goes dry as a hint of doubt trickles into my mind.
What if he doesn't want me?
What if -.
Shaking my head, I turn my focus inward and onto a breathing technique Carmen taught me to help wipe those destructive thoughts from my mind. It takes a while to work, but soon I feel them slowly fade away. Opening my eyes, I take a deep vitalizing breath, before I get out of my car, pulling my shoulders back, I lift my chin and confidently stride towards the door.
The warmth and sandalwood scent hits me as soon I enter. Just like the last time, there are only a few customers scattered around minding their own business. Allowing my eyes to wander around the room for a second, I immediately notice the striking blond woman behind the bar who is sharing a laugh with someone that is efficiently wiping down a few tables. A pair of stunning blues eyes flicker to mine as the woman glances in my direction to greet her new customer. She pauses, holding my gaze as recognition spreads across her features. Confused, I try to place her, but find myself unable to do so. However, when her lips curl into a crooked smile and her eyes move pointedly in the direction of a lone male figure seated a little further down at the bar, understanding dawns on me. The woman and I might not know one another from before, but she has clearly heard about me and knows exactly why I'm here.
Sending her a short nod to show my gratitude, I begin unravelling my scarf, pulling off my jacket to make myself more comfortable for what I know needs to happen. Walking quietly, I make my way towards the man the woman so kindly has directed my attention to. Allowing my eyes to trace along the lines of his strong back as he lifts a glass of amber liquid to his lips. I feel my stomach fill with heat as a rush of desire slowly bubbles to the surface.
Dear God, I've missed him.
Pointing to the woman behind the bar, I silently ask for two more drinks of whatever it is that he's drinking and I wait until she places both glasses on the counter before I make my move.
"You know, I once heard someone say that no one should drink alone."
His body jolts as he immediately recognizes my voice. I feel my breath hitch as two of the most beautiful dark eyes I've ever seen fly to mine. His expression is one of complete shock, but in the next second I watch in awe as a wide range of emotions flicker across his face. One of which makes my heart race. Deliciously, slowly, his lips curl into a roguish smile, eyes dancing with humor and so much joy.
"Is that so?" he asks, playing along.
The deep vibrato of his voice sets my body aflame.
Butterflies?
Goosebumps?
Tingles?
You name it!
They all explode to life at the mere presence of him.
"May I sit?"
His smile widens and he quickly motions to the seat next to him. Slipping onto the stool, I can't help but notice how our bodies instantly lean towards the other, like magnets. Taking my glass, I swirl the familiar amber liquid around for a second, before lifting the glass to his.
"What do we drink to?"
His husky laugh rolls across my skin like a sensual caress. I shiver with anticipation.
"To new beginnings?"
I bite back a smile, inching just a little bit closer to him as I profess just a drop of what I feel for him.
"To love?"
His eyes darken at my words.
"To coming home?" he asks hesitantly.
I nod, silently answering his question, but I'm surprised when he immediately looks away. I touch his chin, directing those incredible eyes of his back to mine. When I'm met by the brilliant shimmer of tears, I lose the act, unable to hold back a moment longer.
"I love you so much, Paul Lahote, and I don't just want three months. I'm ready to come home. For good this time."
His lips are on mine before I've even had the chance to finish, but I meet him at every step. Something clicks into place and I realize that this is what I've been missing all along, where I belong. Our tongues brush against one another in a seductive dance as our kiss deepens. Hands reacquaint themselves with our bodies as that blazing fire of desire explodes between us, making the rest of the world slowly slip away. I'm just about to straddle him, when we are rudely interrupted by a loud cough and someone clearing their throat right next to us.
Breaking apart I feel my cheeks burn as the woman behind the bar appears directly in front of us, hands firmly placed on the counter as she shoots us with a sharp look. Beside Paul I see her coworker, a handsome looking guy with perfectly shaped eyebrows, lean in and whisper something in his ear. Paul laughs loudly before pushing the man away.
"Now, I can get that you two are passionately in love and simply can't keep your hands off of one another," she glances down at her small bump, which I didn't even notice until now.
"Sorry, Rose," Paul says sheepishly, but the wicked sparkle in his eyes reveals his true emotions.
"But what I won't accept is the two of you wasting a perfectly good glass of scotch, especially now when I can't drink."
She sends me a playful wink, pushing the two glasses towards us.
Wrapping his arm around my waist, Paul pulls me to his side as we both lift our glasses, touching them together, we smile as we hear the clear bell like noise. Eyes locked, I take a moment to enjoy the fact that we are finally on the same page. Together we say the words in unison.
"Cheers, Fate."
We can't wait to see what else you have in store for us.
The End
