A/N: Wow, as soon as I changed the rating from 'T' to 'M', the views saw a tremendous hike. Not complaining, not complaining! Although I do have to say that I expected the previous chapter to get a lot more views. But it got less than average. But that's okay, I guess. It just helps me know what I can do better and reminds me about things that I may have forgotten.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one as well.
Chapter 37: Arizona
Present Day
My body was sweaty, my leg was slightly hurting but not enough to actually bother me, I was having difficulty breathing and yet I couldn't have been happier. I was so happy that my cheeks hurt from smiling. I don't even remember what round we were on or how many times I came during the night and yet it was barely one am.
Callie was lying beside me and she too had a huge smile on her face. God, she was so gorgeous. She turned me into this insatiable beast who couldn't get enough of her.
"Hey, you okay?" Callie asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I turn into my side as I wrap an arm around her, lightly resting it on her hip. "Never better" I said as my smile only got wider.
Callie leaned in and placed a small kiss on my lips before she pulled away.
I wanted this, I wanted more of this and I wanted this every night. But I can't have it, nott when there's so much more we have to talk about. Even though tonight had been great, it just, it didn't feel like… it was honest. There was so much about her that I didn't know and so much about me that I wanted to get off my chest.
I saw Callie raising her arm and lightly tapping it on the lines of my forehead "You're thinking too hard" she said. How had I become so transparent to her?
"We… we should talk"
"Yeah" Callie replied before pulling the sheet tightly against her chest. "Should you, do you want to remove your leg, first?" she asked timidly.
I respected that. She had started asking me questions rather than simply forcing her discussions on me. Previously, she would have just leaned over and removed my leg for me and then she'd be disappointed when I'd get mad at her for touching me. It was still a sensitive topic, not as sensitive as it used to be but yeah, it still was… I didn't like talking about it unless I absolutely had to.
I realized she had just asked me about my leg so I shook my head "I… I'll remove it later, I'm too tired" I replied. The truth was, I didn't want to remove my leg when she was awake. It was simply too intimate. I mean I want her to stay over and if she did, I'm going to have to remove it at some point. I know we had just had sex and that she had already seen my leg a billion times but I didn't want to do it now, not yet.
"Okay… I guess we should talk then?" she asked as she shifted up and sat up and leaned back until her back was resting against the bed frame.
Here goes nothing, all I have to do is ask and it would stop bothering me. Honestly, this thing has been eating at me ever since I got to know about it. But I have been so scared to ask her about it in case it ticked her off.
"I… um feel free to shut this down-"
"That's a great way to start a sentence"
"Callie" I warned.
"No, I'm sorry, go on," Callie replied as she guestered for me to continue.
"Can I-can I see your reports?" Done! The hard part is over.
"What reports?"
"Umm… Finn's reports, your pregnancy reports, about the baby that you um... You know"
I saw Callie's smile turning into a frown. Did I do something wrong? Is she going to get mad and storm off? "Why? I mean, I lost a child and I don't plan on having any more kids as of now so what good is it going to bring if we look at the reports?"
"I just, I need to see them, please?" I pleaded.
Callie was fidgeting with the sheet that was wrapped around her. "Umm, sure. They are in New York, but I can have Addison send a copy of them to you" Callie suddenly stopped playing with the sheet and looked straight at me "Arizona... you didn't really answer why you wanted to see them"
"I… I want to know if there was something I could have done, if I could have saved your baby girl, If could have just done something"
"Arizona, I'll get you those reports, but there was nothing anyone could have done. Addison was looking after my twins the entire time I was pregnant. She suspected nothing. All of my scans were beyond perfect. It just… it happened"
I nodded. If she says that there was nothing I could have done then I trust her, but I just, I don't trust myself until I can actually see them.
"Thank you Calliope" I said as I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding "Alright now you go"
Callie smiled. "Now I go?" she asked.
"Yeah, let's take turns, I ask something or say something and then you get a turn and then we keep on going until…" I didn't dare to finish the sentence.
"Until we start screaming at each other or flee?" Callie asked but the smile on her face told me that she was joking so I swatted her arm lightly. "Alright fine, let me think"
I don't know what was taking her so long to come up with a question. I could come up with at least half a dozen things off the top of my head. Oh, I guess she was looking for a simpler question to start off with.
"Hmm… how about this, I'm sorry about the way I behaved whenever you got a promotion or took up something that was really important for you and your career and did a poor job of supporting it or you"
What was Callie talking about? She was supportive enough whenever I needed her.
"I… I don't think I understand"
"The Carter Madison grant, the fetal fellowship, the numerous Peds conferences that involved you going out of the state and many more things. I'm sorry about being so selfish and only thinking about myself. I just… no, there's no excuse for what I did. So, yeah I'm sorry. I should have been more supportive"
I nodded. When I won the grant, I understood why she was mad, but she never once congratulated me. I mean she did, but when I told her about the three years in Africa part of the grant… the congratulations went out the window. Even with the Fetal fellowship, actually I didn't think a lot about that.
Our marriage was already starting to die and I guess, I just assumed that she was being that way because… well at that time, every time we tried to talk to each other we just got mad at each other.
"Calliope, that wasn't really a question"
"I know, I just wanted to start off easy before we got into the difficult stuff"
I smiled, "So, do you want to go again?"
"No, you go" she said as she pulled me closer towards her running her hands through my hair. God, it felt so great.
We were just wrapped around each other talking about things that really matter, actually giving this thing between us another chance.
"I want you to… I need you to promise me that you wont leave that you'll keep your promises" I whispered.
"What?"
I looked up at Callie as I straightened out "I know it's a little hypocritical of me to ask you to keep your promises, especially when I broke our marriage vows" I started. I didn't want to say the word 'cheating'. I was so ashamed of myself and the fact that I did something so horrible to the love of my life, but I need her to keep her promises, more now than ever. "You promised me that you won't ever leave and then you left. At Bailey's wedding, you promised me that we'd be together no matter and then we got divorced. I want you to keep your promises and never leave me again"
I waited for Callie to reply, I don't think I had asked her for something big. I mean it technically wasn't even a question.
"Arizona… I can't do that" Callie replied.
What? I pulled away from her completely. Why can't she do that? What was so difficult about what I had asked her?
"Why? I thought you wanted to give us a shot"
"I-" she started but I cut her off.
"No, you don't get to say that you can't keep promises and then say you want to keep doing this, whatever this is between us"
"You-"
"Did I really read this so wrong? Was it just sex for you? That you wanted to get laid so you thought why not have sex with my ex?"
"Arizona, that is not what I meant!" Callie yelled as she grabbed me by my shoulders.
I folded my arms "I think I heard you when you said that you can't keep your promises" I could feel myself getting angrier by the second.
"You are not hearing me," Callie said as she tried to take one of my hands into hers, but I wasn't going to give up that easily. When my hand didn't budge, she retracted. "All I'm saying is that I can't promise you not to leave and I can't keep promises that you ask me to keep because some of them are... impossible to keep. Do you realize that the promises you have forced onto me is what caused us to fight?"
No, it was never about the promises. But then I saw her eyes drifting down towards my leg. "What has my leg got to do with this?" I asked.
Why was Callie so calm?
"You made me promise you not to cut it off. Arizona you are a doctor, you know better than anyone. You had gone into septic shock, that there was nothing I could do to keep the leg and keep you alive at the same time, yet you blamed me for the better part of the year"
I know I didn't see it that way when I first woke up. All I saw was red and hatred for Callie. But now that it has been a couple of years since the incident, it had more to do about my insecurities as a child than the absence of a limb.
"Callie you don't understand, it was never about the leg"
"Then what was it about?" she asked.
I took a deep breath trying to get my voice under control "When I was a child, my family moved a lot because of the army, I would be so scared of the new place that we had arrived in, but then my dad would take Tim and I skating every time we moved and that made me feel safe. When you… when I lost my leg, all I could think about was that I couldn't skate anymore… but then you-you didn't let me get rid of my wheelie sneaks, you put them on my feet and took me outside and we skated, I skated again. But it doesn't matter right now does it? You can't even keep your promises to me"
I tried getting off the bed. I guess I could take the couch for today, but then Callie gripped my arm and pulled me back.
"No Arizona that's not what I meant, I can't promise you that I wont… I wont leave…"
"Yeah I heard that loud and clear the first time"
"No, but I promise you that I won't take more than a day's time to get back to you."
Huh? What does that mean? I don't think I understand what she's trying to say. She wants to leave me for one day? Spend the night apart? What's going on in her head?
"What?"
"It's safe to assume that we are going to have fights if we give this thing between us a real shot. All I'm saying is that I'll cool off and come back to you. I won't leave, I'll never leave, but-but I will take some time for myself to think about it and I…" before she could complete her sentence, I leaned in and kissed her hard on her lips. I could already feel her smiling against my lips.
"That's the worst way of ever putting it." I laughed before leaning in once more to kiss her again. "Of course, you can take all the time you need"
"I promise you that I wont leave, but I will not take more that 24 hours to get back to you"
I was already sold on her taking some time for herself. I would need some time too. As long as we came back to each other and didn't call it quits, I was fine with anything. "I can make do with that" I said as I smiled at her.
"Hey, come here" Callie said as she pulled me towards her and wrapped me around in her arms before she leaned in and planted a kiss on my head.
I felt my eyes drooping as all the events of the day started catching up with me. I had been up since four am and now it was about two. "Should we pause for a while?" I asked as I yawned. "I'm not as young as I was before. I need my sleep"
"You are just as beautiful as the day you kissed me in that dirty bathroom" Callie replied before shifting the two of us down onto the bed and pulling the covers on us.
We made significant progress today. I was happy for us. Sure we almost had a fight, but I guess we handled it well. I turned around and pulled Callie's arm from behind me as I linked our fingers together. I felt Callie breath ruffling my hair as she pulled my back against her front. She leaned over me as she reached over to switch off the light that was at my bedside table before cuddling up against me.
For the first time in forever, I think I slept with a smile on my face and it was all because of the gorgeous woman who was pressed against me.
A/N: I know you guys have one obvious question in your head: What about New York… Well, you have to wait for the next chapter for that!
