I do not own anything except my OCs. WARNING: Randomness, dank memes, cringe and grammar mistakes.

Chapter 104: Top Gear

"Okay, before I leave, I want to show you some moments from one of my favourite shows." Nova said.

"What's that?" Ruby said.

"Have you seen Top Gear on Youtube?". Everyone shaked their heads negatively.

"What is Top Gear?" Jaune said.

"A show about cars. And one of the few shows in the world with actual, pure, unaltered, offensive comedy. Until the hosts left and hired new ones."

"How can a show about cars be that entertaining?" Weiss said.

"You want me to show from the least to the funniest or the most shocking?"

"To the funniest." Yang said.

"Great. Let's go."

Run out of Alabama

Jeremy: Challenge time. (He's given the envelope with the challenge.) Lose five pounds in one hour?

Richard: Yep, sweat it away! Come on, then.

Jeremy: No. Okay, it says here we must not be shot or arrested, as we drive across the proud state of Alabama. But we will get bonus points if we can get one of the others shot or arrested.

"What? What kind of challenge is that?!" Weiss said.

"They always do stuff like that?" Blake said.

"Yep." Nova said.

"This isn't content for a car show, but for a prank show." Yang said.

"Uh huh."

"Don't they realise that they could get killed?" Pyrrha said.

"That's the best part."

"...Why isn't our television that amazing?!" Nora said.

Richard: I don't understand. How do we do that?

Jeremy: You will therefore decorate one another's cars in such a way to draw maximum attention to yourself in this Bible-bashing, redneck, deeply Christian part of the Union.

"They forgot incest-filled, but whatever." Yang said.

Richard: Decorate?

Jeremy: I think what it means is, we each have to write slogans on the ther ones' cars. So you...

Richard: To get them killed?

Jeremy: Yeah. So...

Richard: All right.

Jeremy: (to James) ...you do Hammond's. Take it away into the bushes.

Richard: I'm doing yours. I'm getting you killed.

Jeremy: Well I'm getting him killed.

Richard: Well, come on!

(They start painting each other's cars.)

Jeremy: The South, the South. It's Christian, short hair. They don't like communists.

Richard: What is closest to their heart? I've got to get him killed. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I'd be letting you down, me down, everybody down.

"Okay, he either has a grudge or he tries too hard." Blake said.

(James chuckles at what he's painted.)

Richard: Revenge for all those height gags. Every time he's called me Hamster.

"I guess it's both." Jaune said.

Jeremy: This is for every time you've been late and lost.

James: Can you tell what it says yet?

(They finally finished decorating the cars.)

Richard: James. I hate you for that. I really hate you for that.

James: All the times you drove into the back of my Cadillac.

Richard: Yeah.

Jeremy: Fo you know, actually, I think, honestly, we've all done a good job here, but I do believe that the person most likely to be shot is indeed Hammond. I think what you've done there, James, is killed your friend.

Richard: Yeah.

"Can we see the cars already?" Ruby said.

(Now they put their work to the test, as they drive to Alabama.)

Jeremy: (narrating) Gingerly, we re-joined the open road. (talking) Three religions down here, George Bush, God, country and western in that order. Ascending order. (It's revealed that Richard painted "Country and Western is Rubbish" on Jeremy's car. Then it's James's car, on which Jeremy painted "HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT".)

They laughed a little.

"And those are things that will get you killed there?" Ren said.

"Absolutely." Nova said.

"America is weird." Nora said.

Richard: I'll be honest, I have felt less conspicuous than this.

(Last, is Richard's car, on which James painted "MAN-LOVE RULES OK". The headlights are also painted punk, with eyelashes on top.)

They all laughed.

"You know, that says a lot." Blake said.

"Not only that, be he also looks gay with the cowboy hat." Yang said.

James: Here we are, sweet home Alabama. Pew, pew, pew. (They pass the sign, which was shot multiple times.)

"That's not a good sign." Jaune said.

Jeremy: They've shot their own sign! What are they going to do to us?

"I would be afraid too." Yang said.

"They would probably throw rocks at them." Weiss said.

(They tried hiding their faces from the cars passing them. They were already looking at them.)

James: To understand what Jeremy's actually done to my car, you have to understand that this is deep Republican territory. That woman is the arch-Democrat. She is the Antichrist.

Richard: It's not just the slogan. It's the fact that it's painted on a pick-up, a symbol of the South. I mean...(A passing car pressed the horn at him.)

They laughed a little.

James: And then Jeremy has written on the boot: "NASCAR sucks". That's a type of saloon car that is very big in this part of the world. This is where all the drivers come from. All the building of the cars is done. All the supporters come from here, and to say it sucks... is a bit like going up and punching somebody's sainted mother.

"I think they love it a little too much."

(More passing drivers notice them.)

Richard: No! No! (Tries to hide his face. A passing truck pressed the horn at him.)

Jeremy: (narrating) We'd survived the highway, but then we had to pull into a town for fuel. (They stop at a petrol station. (I'll be writing British terms for this chapter.))

"They're so fucked." Yang said.

Richard: Oh, this is... really terrifying. (Jeremy just arrived and got out of the car.) Oh- ho- hokay! Just, uh... That's diesel. That's... I've gone...

Jeremy: "Hillary for president", that's not going down well. (Narrating) This lady was cross, but not as cross as the garage's owner.

Woman: You! Now, are y'all gay looking to see how long it takes to get beat up in a hick town?

Jeremy: I'm not gay. I'm married. I've got three children.

Richard: No, we're not. No. We've just sort of decorated our cars in a distinctive manner.

Woman: "NASCAR sucks"? "Country and western is rubbish"? Guess what, you're in a hick town, man!

Richard: We're going to die now. That's it.

Woman: Don't you dare, [bleep].

"What's she going to do?" Ruby said.

"Probably call backup." Yang said.

James: (narrating) She said she was going to get the boys. So, we decided to scarper.

"She actually did it?! I was joking! I thought that she was going to beat them up!"

"I hate that place now." Blake said.

"Scarper?" Ruby said.

"It means flee." Weiss said.

Jeremy: I've just remembered, I've actually got loads of petrol. (Escapes first.)

"Why does he say petrol and not gas?" Nora said.

"Because he's British." Nova said.

James: (narrating) And then, of all the moments... (talking) Oi, jump leads!

Richard: You're joking?

James: Jump leads.

"Did the battery died?" Yang said.

Richard: Not now! (James opens the bonnet of his car.)

James: This is going to be the quickest jump in history.

Richard: You get the leads. I'll start it. (The woman returns.)

Woman: Tell your friend if he tears up my parking lot again...

James: (narrating) The rednecks arrived. (They did.)

"This is quite scary..." Pyrrha said.

"Please tell me that this is staged." Weiss said.

"One of the few moments that... it isn't staged." Nova said.

Richard: We've just got a slight problem here. This is bad! (He quickly connects their batteries.)

James: (narrating)Then they turn on the film crews! (The rednecks start cursing at the crew.)

"Yeah, it's definitely not staged." Yang said.

Richard: Quick!

(Narration) Rocks started pelting our vans. (The crew runs away from the rocks flying right at them.)

The kids were a little shocked by this.

Redneck: Go! Get out of here! (The crew managed to get to their vans and escape.)

James: (narrating) For the next few moments, our TV programme became a radio show. (talking) Oh [bleep]. There are the pick-up trucks.

Jeremy: Get your foot down. I think we've got a load of them on our tail.

James: Something's going on here, I'm telling you, because these three trucks that were in the petrol station have now just torn past us.

"Those guys are dead."

Richard: We need to get these slogans off, lads.

Jeremy: Pull over, pull over.

(One of the film crew records, with his mobile phone, the crew removing the slogans from their cars. After that, they leave the city.)

Jeremy: (narrating) With the artwork gone, we hit the road... hard.

The kids sighed in relief.

"Are they safe now?" Ruby said.

"I think so." Blake said.

Jeremy: I'm doing something I never thought I'd do. I am running for the border.

James: God in heaven, that was actually frightening.

"It really was." Jaune said.

Richard: They could've killed us!

Jeremy: They really do have an irony deficiency. I honestly believe that in certain parts of America now, people have started to mate with vegetables.

"I don't get that." Ruby said.

"Man, I expected a fun challenge, not this." Yang said.

"Okay, the next one is funny." Nova said.

"Modern Peugeot Driver" Adventures

Jeremy: It is tricky. I don't know why they put corners on... I mean why would you?

James: Well, I was going quite fast. I was in third.

Jeremy: Oh! (Sees his car in a field.)

"Wait, no one was inside?" Jaune said.

"And I wondered why is that car off-road?" Yang said.

Jeremy: (narrating) While James's car was being towed out of the ditch, I took the opportunity to demonstrate yet another incredible standard feature on my car.

"Is it a cup holder?" Nora said.

"I thought that car show hosts are supposed to be good drivers." Ren said.

"They are. But Peugeot cars are not hydraulic, so they can't turn that well." Nova said.

"Who would make a car like that?" Weiss said.

Jeremy: If you want to lower the passenger window, you can do that from a switch on the driver's door.

"Huh. The driver seat is on the right, instead of the left." Yang said.

Jeremy: But if you want to get it back up again... (The window doesn't close.) you can't. So, you have to go round to the other side, okay, and use the button here. But if you do that, you're going to trap your arm in this gap here. Now, Peugeot's thought of that, okay? Obviously, you can't open this door. Look, there's no door lock. That's for security reasons. So, you pop back round here... and this is incredible... simply pull this switch, okay? (The roof opens a little.) Windows all go down now. The roof detaches and now... Now look. I can lift the window... without... getting my arm trapped. Can you see? Brilliant. (Gets inside the car.)

"All this just to close a window?" Weiss said.

"He could also, I don't know, stretch his arm to the passenger seat and press the button, instead of turning it into a convertible." Blake said.

"But that would make sense. And logic is not entertaining." Nora said.

Jeremy: (narrating) With James's car out of the ditch, we relaxed by turning in to Radio Peugeot.

Radio: Jeremy Vine, BBC Radio 2. Is Britain full? is how we started this. Alison in Warfield in Berkshire texted and says: "I can't parl at Waitrose. So, tes, we are too full."

James: Good caller. (He passes in front of Jeremy, accidentally making contact with his car.)

Jeremy: That's very nice of him. He just gave me a little push there to let me know he was coming past.

(A little later)

Jeremy: Corner! Corner! (James approaches a corner, managing to turn and not go off-road. But Jeremy did.) I've done it. I'm round.

They laughed a little.

"If it doesn't turn that well, why would they drive in a place with many turns?" Ruby said.

Jeremy: (narrating) Despite the soothing tones of Radio Peugeot...

Radio: Do you think you may have the worst-tasting water in Britain? Do call us if so, 0500 288 291...

Jeremy: (narrating) ...we found the journey very stressful thanks to badly placed road signs... (He tried to move but he destroyed a sign.)

They all laughed.

Jeremy: (narrating) ...and busy junctions. (Cars pass.) (Talking) Maniac. Maniac. Maniac. Yobbo. Maniac. Mani- oh, hold on, I think there's a chance here.

"They weren't going that fast." Pyrrha said.

Jeremy: (Starts driving) OHHHHHHHH! (Goes off-road again.) Damn it!

They all laughed again.

Radio: You've got Johnny Foreigner coming over here, they don't pay a penny...

(James manages to turn, going a little off-road.)

"Are British people that racist?" Blake said.

"Not that much. To be fair, every nation sometimes talks negative about foreigners." Nova said.

Jeremy: Bloody council not mending the bloody roads. (Gets back on the road and continues the journey.) (through communicator) James, there's a corner coming up, a corner. There's a sign saying corner. Do take care this time, okay? (He doesn't. He doesn't turn and takes another road.)

They all laughed.

Jeremy: (narrating) To be honest, I didn't notice James's latest accident because I've found yet another feature in my amazing car.

"Tell me it's a cup holder!" Nora said.

"Why hasn't he closed the roof yet?" Weiss said.

Jeremy: If I push this button here that increase the temperature... and then hold it down for a little while... (The air-conditioning blows up.) There we go.

"Why would you do that?!"

Jeremy: Lovely, lovely. Mm-mm, smoke! (The car was filled with smoke. It actually got on fire.) Obviously, there's a fair bit of choking you have to go through, but um... look at the result!

They all laughed.

"The car got on fire!" Ruby said.

"I thnk he's doing it on purpose." Yang said.

"At least it's a convertible and won't choke." Pyrrha said.

Jeremy: *cough* People like a... *cough* a real fire in their homes. I've got one in my car. *cough* *cough* It's a good thing this car has a chimney. Obviously, that's a very good design feature.

"Why doesn't he pull over already?" Blake said.

(Later)

Jeremy: (narrating) When I met up with James again, it was at the Peugeot driver's worst nightmare...

"It's a roundabout, isn't it?" Yang said.

Jeremy: (narrating) A double mini-roundabout.

"What is that?!"

"Double mini? Why multiple roundabouts?" Weiss said.

"They actually have and 5 roundabouts in one." Nova said.

"Unbelievable."

(They stay there, thinking what to do.)

Jeremy: No.

James: Dear God. Right, that's clear.

(They still don't move.)

"It's clear now, they won't hit any car." Jaune said.

(Drivers behind them were pressing the horns at them to move.)

Jeremy: I don't know.

"They caused such a commotion on television." Pyrrha said.

"This is the best show!" Nora said.

(One Mitsubishi driver gets impatient and passes him.)

(Finally, they decide to move... only to bump to each other.)

Jeremy: Maniac!

They all laughed.

"Now I really hate that car." Weiss said.

"Not only that. They also have the most expensive parts out of every manufacturer." Nova said.

"No way!" Yang said.

(After that, they continue their journey.)

"Wait, weren't they going together?" Ruby said.

Jeremy: Oh God... No more double mini-roundabouts ever, please.

(Later)

Jeremy: (narrating) After such a terrifying ordeal, we needed hot sweet tea to calm our nerves, so we went to a nearby garden centre.

Radio: Will Hull emails: "I suggest we bring back workhouses. That would deter people exploiting the state and having as many children as they want."

Jeremy: There's a space there, nearly. Entrance? (They both try to park the cars, but also cause property damage.) I have to come in forwards. (They keep doing damage and bumping into other cars.)

"How much is the show's budget? Because they must spend a lot for collateral damage and repairs." Weiss said.

"I think at some point they went bankrupt once." Nova said.

"Great."

Several hours later...

(After so much damage, they finally parked.)

Jeremy: A cup of tea. Oh, perfect.

"There goes the Ferrari." Nova said.

(They were now inside, drinking tea and reading a newspaper.)

Jeremy: Seen this, James?

James: What?

Jeremy: Carrots stop you getting cancer.

James: Really?

Jeremy: Yeah. But The Mail said it was tomatoes. Or was it tomatoes give you cancer?

"Vegetables give you cancer?" Ruby said.

"Of course not!" Weiss said.

James: I thought Diana gave you cancer. Or was it house prices?

Jeremy: No, immigrants do house pr... I get confused.

"Me too." Ruby said.

Jeremy: (narrating) Afternoon tea over, we got back on the road. (Doing more property damage.) (Talking) Maniac!

They all laughed.

Jeremy: (narrating) After a busy day, we were heading home, and to get there, we'd fitted our cars with something called satellite navigation.

"Does he mean GPS?" Jaune said.

"You have GPS? How? You need a satellite for that." Nova said.

"The towers." Yang said.

"Right.". 'I can't wait for those things to fall.'

Jeremy: Incredible device. It was a present from my children. It knows where I am on the planet and then it can get me to my house. All I have to do is as I'm told.

"Behold: A boomer and technology!" Nora said.

Jeremy: So, I go left here... Yes.

James: Right, according to the electric map, I go right.

Jeremy: This is um... overgrown. The council should really do something about this road here. (He got off-road and drives in the woods.)

They all laughed.

"You can't be serious." Weiss said.

Jeremy: It's weird, isn't it? You hear stories all the time about idiots who... "I was following the satellite navigation and I drove off a cliff, or into a canal." And you think: "What a moron!"

(Meanwhile James was driving through a field.)

They continued laughing.

James: Must be a shortcut. Bloody clever.

"Those guys are amazing." Yang said.

(Later)

Jeremy: (He got home) And here we are. Home sweet home! Oh, joy! (Bumps into a wall.)

They laughed again.

"Okay, that was really funny."

"Good. Here's another one." Nova said.

Ambulance Challenge (The Race)

Jeremy: (reading) Each of the casualties is fitted with a timer showing how long they have before they die. (Shows the mannequins.) This lets you know how long you have before they must reach the hospital. However... (Gets interrupted by a firefighter putting out the fire from Richard's van.) However, each time they are jolted or bashed, the timer will jump forwards ten seconds.

"What do they want to prove?" Blake said.

"I think what kind of vehicle would be a better ambulance. A van, a sports car, or an actual ambulance." Nova said.

"That's a good challenge." Yang said.

Richard: How long's on the timers?

Jeremy: I don't know. I presume depending on how wounded they are.

Richard: Oh, so, it'll be different.

Jeremy: So, we've got to choose one with the longest amount of time.

James: Yeah, exactly.

Jeremy: The race starts in three, two, one... now! (They run to take a patient.)

Richard: Right. I'm just going to get in.

James: (Checks one of them) Thirty seconds, waste of time.

"The almost dead have feelings too!" Nora said.

Richard: (Checks one) Two minutes. Mate, I'm sorry.

(Jeremy already got one and runs to his car. But the patient falls from the cart.)

"He's in good hands." Yang said.

Jeremy: Shit.

James: (Checks another one) He's got ten minutes. I'm having him.

Richard: (Checks another one) Eight minutes, fifty five. That- it's you. It's you.

"How far is the hospital?" Ren said.

Jeremy: (takes another one) You're in good shape, my man. I can look after you. (They all take the patients they chose to their ambulances. Richard has the van, James has the ambulance and Jeremy has the sports car.) (narrating) With the patients carefully loaded... (talking) Get in! (narrative) Richard and I were on our way.

"A sports car as an ambulance? Bad choice." Weiss said.

"Which one do you think it's the best ambulance?" Nova said.

"I pick the sports car." Yang said.

"Me too!" Ruby said.

"Well, I take the actual ambulance." Weiss said.

"I pick the van." Blake said.

"Why?"

"Because you can do more in a van. And it's faster."

"I think I'll pick the van too." Jaune said.

"Me too!" Nora said.

"I'll pick the ambulance." Ren said.

"I'll take the ambulance too." Pyrrha said.

(Except for James because the foor hasn't closed yet.)

They laughed a little.

"You still have a chance to change your option." Yang said.

"I'll stay with the ambulance." Weiss said.

(Back to the race. Richard was first.)

Richard: I may have collected a cone or two there, sorry.

(Jeremy follows.)

Jeremy: We've never lost a patient from Theale on my watch. Sure as hell not going to lose one now! (narrating) The roads to the state-of-the-art hospital on the other side of town were littered with abandoned cars.

"Okay, now the challenge is more interesting." Blake said.

Jeremy: But Hammond and I had decided to get there as fast as possible, even if it meant incurring a few ten-second penalties.

(Richard hits a car and pushes it off-road, getting a penalty.)

Richard: Don't you worry, sir! You just hang on tight!

"They have the fastest vehicles, I think it's worth the penalties." Jaune said.

Jeremy: Here we go. (Pushes a button and the rams lowers itself.) Rams deployed. (Rams and destroys a motorbike, getting a penalty.)

"It even has rams?! That's awesome!" Ruby said.

"Can I change my choice? I want the sports car too!" Nora said.

Jeremy: The thing is, mate, you get a ten-second penalty for every single little knock. So, you may as well have big knocks.

"So road bumps are also bad." Yang said.

Jeremy: (narrating) Unsurprisingly, James had decided to adopt a policy of no knocks at all.

"Smart move." Weiss said.

"Boring."

"What is ecnalubma?" Ruby said.

"It's ambulance spelled backwards." Blake said.

"But why have it in front of it?"

"To see it with a mirror view." Pyrrha said.

"But why? What's the point?"

"... That's a good question. What's the point?" Yang said.

James: (through the communicator.) Hello, and welcome aboard the Ecnalubma. Your recovery is our first priority. We reslise that you have a choice of ambulances, and this is indeed the best one.

(Back to Jeremy)

Jeremy: This patient is really annoying me now. Oh, no, he's broken free!

"That's what happens when you take a vehicle with no space, as an ambulance." Weiss said.

"Eh. Speed for comfort. It's fair."

(Back to Richard)

Richard: (jumps off a road ramp) WHOAAA! Dukes of Hazzard, there it is! (Gets a penalty) Oh, I'm sorry, that's probably ten seconds off your life.

(Narration) Meanwhile, in the next street... James had encountered a Peugeot driver.

"No way." Pyrrha said.

James: (through the communicator) Sorry to disturb you, gentleman in the silver Peugeot, but this is an ambulance and this is an emergency. It really is a matter of great importance that you make way for the ambulance, thank you. (He'll be there for a while.)

They laughed a little.

(Back to Jeremy)

Jeremy: Move, man! (Rams through a couple of cars, getting a penalty. At the same time, Richard was coming from the corner, behind him.) Whoops-a-daisy.

(Meanwhile, Jeremy is still stuck there.)

James: No. Oh!

"He's still there?! And that guy had space to leave!" Weiss said.

James: I've been reasonably polite about this so far, but I would like you to get out of the [bleep] way.

(Back to the others)

Jeremy: (narrating) Thanks to our exuberant driving, my patient and Hammond's had lost a lot of life. So, we decided to go even faster. (Richard ram through a fence, getting a penalty.)

Richard: We're on our way to hospital.

Jeremy: (gains speed) Ramming! (Rams through a brick wall and gets a penalty.) I think my man is suffering. Reassuring tunes coming up. (Changes the station)

(Back to James)

James: (narrating) Following my encounter with the infernal Peugeot, I'd also thrown caution to the wind. (Goes on a ramp and gets a penalty.) (talking) Hang on, fellow, we're making up the lost time! (Hits a car and gets a penalty.) Shortcut. (He decides to take a shortcut.) Watch this. (He tries to break through a wall, but he was going slow, so he didn't break it and gets a penalty.) Cock.

They laughed a little.

James: (He backs and hits a fence, getting a penalty.) Cocking Nora.

"Wait, what?!" Nora said. Everyone else just laughed louder. "What did I do?!"

(He goes back on the road, without realising that the back door opened and the cart with the patient rolled out.)

"The patient!" Ruby said. They couldn't stop laughing.

"He already lost." Yang said.

James: Well, I've lost a few seconds in that.

(Back with the others.)

Richard: Oh, no, I've got a Porsche ambulance behind me.

Jeremy: Hammond, get out of my way! I'm coming through with a Porsche Turboooo!

Richard: Brakes are definitely fading.

Jeremy: This is the trouble with the privatised ambulance service that we have created here. It's a race, really.

James: (literally dragging the patient) Beautifully controlled...

They started laughing again.

"It sure is!" Yang said.

James: Patient rested.

"In peace." Ruby said.

Jeremy: Hammond, move, move, move!

Richard: Right, nitrous. (Activates nitrous) Whoa! (He couldn't control it and crashed into a wall and gets a penalty.)

Jeremy: He's gone! He's gone and he's gone badly wrong! Hammond has stuffed it!

James: Nearly there! Sorry about the noise. You'll be fine!

"He still hasn't noticed!" Blake said.

Richard: (back on track) Sorry. They couldn't get a lot done in ten seconds.

Jeremy: We're getting near the hospital now. Stay with me. Stay with me!

(James was the first to reach the hospital.)

James: Oh, yes. First at the hospital. That is a victory. (Gets out of the car. He goes to the patient, only to realise that there's no patient.)

They all laughed again.

"Well, the ambulance is out." Yang said.

"I accepted defeat at the Peugeot." Weiss said.

(Jeremy was the second.)

Jeremy: Oh, damn it! May is already there! But my patient is still alive, okay. Ready, boot opening. Patient-delivery system engaged. Here we go! (Starts the engine and drifts next to James's vehicle. The boot opens and the patient goes to the hospital on a cart.)

"The sports car won!" Ruby said.

Jeremy: Mm-mm-mm-mm! I give you one alive patient, delivered to a hospital. Where is yours?

James: Oh, he's... He got better.

They laughed a little.

"Could you believe that?" Yang said.

Jeremy: Did he?

James: Yeah.

Jeremy: Did he?

James: I did say, did I not, at the beginning of this item: "The process of recovery begins in the club class ambulance." And it fact, it worked.

Jeremy: James, where is he?

James: In the pub, I imagine.

"What a fast recovery." Blake said.

Jeremy: He can't be in the pub. He was wound...

James: Why not?

Jeremy: He was dying, got ten minutes to live!

(Now Richard was approaching the hospital.)

"I forgot about him." Yang said.

Richard: Right, down here. This looks good.

Jeremy: Oh, wait a minute. Here he comes.

"Why are his wheels on fire?" Pyrrha said.

(He stops at the road, the back facing the hospital.)

Richard: And now, coup de grâce. (He presses a button and one of the back windows open.) Patient to hospital. (Presses another button and launches the patient inside the hospital.)

Everyone was surprised.

Jeremy: Hammond, you blithering idiot!

They started laughing again.

"Can I change my vote again?" Nora said.

"We already saw who won." Ren said.

"But the van had a cannon!"

"Okay, the last one." Nova said.

Getaway cars

Jeremy: (narrating) But would it be perfect for a leading light in the Albanian Mafia? Or would he prefer one of the others?

"Albanian mafia? What are they doing now?" Weiss said.

"They're trying to find the best car for the Albanian Mafia."

"Out of everything, why that?" Blake said.

"Simple. Why not?"

"Can't argue with that." Nora said.

"At least they didn't do something illegal, like robbing a bank or killing someone. Right?" Jaune said.

Jeremy: (narrating) We realised we didn't know. So that night, James and I dreamed up one more test and then, in the bar, we explained it to Hammond.

Richard: What do you mean we're going to rob a bank?

"They seriously robbed a bank? On television?" Pyrrha said.

"Just watch." Nova said.

Jeremy: It's a great test. We rob a bank, okay? Use our three cars as the getaway cars. The ones that get away from the police and on to the ferry and back to Corfu are good cars. If you're caught by the police and you spend the next 40 years in jail-

Richard: You've got the wrong car and you know who to blame. The Bentley might suddenly come good.

James: No, it won't.

(The next day)

Jeremy: (narrating) The next morning, we found a bank full of money... and robbed it. (He comes out with a bag full of money.) (talking) Going for a stroll. Look normal. Look normal. Look normal.

"I can't believe they did that." Blake said.

"This has to be staged. There's no way they did it for real." Yang said.

Jeremy: Yeah. Take the Merc. It's the quickest. (Gets inside Richard's car.) Oh, God. Hammond! Hammond! There we are, completely normal. (Drives away. Then Richard comes out and sees that Jeremy took his car.)

Richard: My Merc... Clarkson, you [bleep]!

They laughed a little.

"Wait, he took his car?" Ruby said.

"Uh huh." Nova said.

Richard: Right, Rolls it is! (Gets inside James's car.) Seatbelt safety. (Drives away.) (Then James comes out.)

James: You utter [bleep]!

They all laughed.

"He took his car now?" Weiss said.

"Yep. Now he's stuck with the Bentley."

James: (He goes to Jeremy's car and drives away the moment the alarm goes on.) What a pair of utter, utter cars!

Jeremy: Where's the sigm to Sarandë? I want Sarandë.

Richard: Oh, zebra crossing. Not ideal. Take your time, chum, why not? I would.

"It's their fault doing a heist in broad daylight." Blake said.

"You surely know a lot about this, huh?" Weiss said.

"Hey. I was only doing infiltration missions."

"Then how were the White Fang getting money?" Ren said.

"Stealing dust... and robbing banks."

"Knew it." Weiss said.

"Let's just watch."

Jeremy: (asks another driver) Sarandë? Sarandë? This way?

"I can't believe he asked for directions." Yang said.

Jeremy: That's the first time ever in history someone escaping from a bank job has asked directions. Right, can we make it to the ferry to Corfu without being caught?

"Is than an Albanian island?" Ruby said.

"No, it's a Greek island." Nova said.

"It doesn't sound Greek at all." Pyrrha said.

"It's actually called Κέρκυρα, but the rest of the world knows it as Corfu."

Jeremy: (He passes a police officer and police cars.) Police! Police! (They turn around and chase after him.)

"Finally, it started." Yang said.

Jeremy: No! Come on! (Unfortunately, there's mild traffic.)

Richard: (to a couple of guys in a motorbike next to them) Hello.

Jeremy: Come on! Why did we rob a bank at rush hour, Hammond?

Richard: Why didn't we use a cashpoint like everyone else?

"Cashpoint? Does he mean an ATM?" Jaune said.

Richard: Undercut. Yes.

Jeremy: (narrating) Meanwhile, in the Muslanne...

James: I can't see a bloody thing. (Removes the pantyhose off his head.) Come on! (He hears sirens.) Oh, crikey, it's the Albanian rozzers.

"Rozzers? Is that slang for cop?" Yang said.

(Back with the others. The road is slippery.)

Jeremy: Really annoying me now, keeps dropping down. How do women wear tights?

"First of all, on our legs." Weiss said.

(A cop car lost control because of the slippery road.)

Richard: Ooo, squeezing, squeezing... They're getting closer.

Jeremy: (narrating) Eventually, the road began to open out.

Richard: Right. Go, go, go, go, go! Everything you've got, Old Roller, come on!

Jeremy: Move! (A man carrying a box full of tangerines gets out of the way. Unfortunately, the tangerines didn't make it out.)

"How sad." Ruby said.

Richard: (nervous unintelligible sounds)

Jeremy: (sees someone pulling out his car) Don't pull out. Do not... (They turn to the right and avoid hitting him.) [Bleep]. (The polce cars too.)

"That was close." Yang said.

Jeremy: Strewth! How a bank robber lives to be beyond 25 years old, I don't know because it is stressy.

James: (narrating) In a Bentley, it's very stressy. (talking) The heat's all over me. Come on, Bentley.

"I'm a little worried. They're driving on the mountains and the road is slippery. And it's a high-speed chase." Pyrrha said.

"I'm pretty sure they'll be fine."

Jeremy: Climbing. Climbing. Ears popping.

Richard: Big drop.

Jeremy: (narrating) Annoyingly, on the damp switchback road, Albania's five-0 could keep up.

Richard: It rolls a bit more than the Merc. God, it's like trying to escape in a bed! I might fall out.

"From that altitude, it is scary." Ruby said.

Jeremy: It's got the power. But then you get to a corner, and this is a biggy, see, front's gone. (Tries to keep control.) Any curve, any dampness and you've... Whoa.

"This is really intense! I wish I had some popcorn now." Yang said.

Jeremy: (narrating) Mercifully, though, the road soon straightened out which meant Hammond and I could absolutely fly.

Richard: Right! Go, go, go, go, go! (The were getting further from the police.)

Jeremy: Oh! What a machine!

Richard: Yes! More like it. It's faster than I was expecting, this Rolls.

Jeremy: It is genuinely jaw-dropping, this thing. It feels so fast.

Richard: I think I just got air in a Rolls-Royce. I think I did.

(Back to James)

Jeremy: (narrating) For James, though, things weren't going so well.

James: They're gaining. They're gaining. (Does a bad turn.) No! Catastrophic understeer.

"They're really close. I wonder how they didn't catch him yet." Jaune said.

"It's totally staged. They had multiple chances of catching them." Blake said.

"Then shouldn't James be losing them too at some point?" Ruby said.

"Unless they planned on catching them." Ren said.

Jeremy: (narrating) Up front, Richard and I had left the rozzers far behind. (A random dog ran to the police vehicles.)

Blake suddenly flinched.

"Relax, You're safe here." Yang said.

"Shut up." Blake said, blushing from embarrassment.

Jeremy: The ferry is near now.

Richard: Good car, this. Not as good as my Merc, but a good car nonetheless.

Jeremy: This is the getaway car of the century.

"Not here though."

Jeremy: If you are a leading light in the Albanian Mafia, look no further.

(At last, they got to the terminal.)

Jeremy: (narrating) Eventually, we made it to the ferry terminal and could taste the freedom. (They got their cars on the ferry.)

"What about James?" Ruby said.

Jeremy: Go! Judt go!

Richard: Hang on! Shouldn't we wait for James? (narrating) But James was in big trouble because the cars chasing us had stopped and formed a road block.

"This is bad. How do you think he's going to escape?" Jaune said.

"I'd say, drift around them. There is space. But it might be tricky." Yang said.

"In the next life!" Nora said.

"He won't jump." Ren said.

James: You'll never take me alive, copper.

"He will jump?!" Weiss said.

(He was getting closer.)

James: I'll see you in Spain, lads! (He turns right and... jumps off the mountain. The car tumbles down.)

Everyone was shocked.

"... Called it." Nora whispered.

Jeremy: See you, James.

Richard: It probably didn't hurt much.

Jeremy: No. (laughs)

"He's dead...?" Ruby said. They all stared at her. "Why are you sta- it's staged, right?". They all slowly nodded. She became red.

"Our leader, ladies and gents." Weiss said.

"Hey!"

"Either way, that was awesome." Yang said.

Jeremy: So, James May is dead.

Richard: Anyway...

(The audience applauses as the screen shows Jeremy and Richard, in their set, with the cars behind them.)

Jeremy: I love Albania.

Richard: Yeah!

Jeremy: Could we have made that in any other country in the world?

Richard: Exactly.

"In all the Balkan countries, but whatever." Nova said.

"Every country that has lots of mountains actually." Ren said.

Jeremy: Anyway... we must now choose which of the cars is the best.

"I pick the Merc." Yang said.

Richard: Yes, I suppose we must. I mean, I prefer the Merc, definitely. I know that the late James May preferred the Rolls-Royce. He made that very clear. And as the Bentley is plain rubbish, I think you have the casting vote. If you were a leading light of the Albanian Mafia, which car would you buy?

Jeremy: Well, if I was a leading light in the Albanian Mafia, I wouldn't buy either of them.

(The audience laughs.)

Richard: Good point. Okay, which do you prefer?

Jeremy: I'm minded to say the Rolls-Royce. But the problem is, if you have one of these, one day you will pull up at a set of lights and alongside will slide Simon Cowell in his bigger Phantom and he'll go... (Smiles and the audience laughs.)

They laughed too.

"Oh, if we knew what he was talking about." Nora said.

Richard: I know what you mean, because be honest, you would only buy the Ghost because you couldn't afford the Phantom.

Jeremy: I know. Because I don't want that, I'd have the Mercedes.

Richard: Yes!

Jeremy: It's not really a bombshell, is it? James's death is a bombshell.

Richard: It's an inconvenience.

Jeremy: Yes, that's true. So, on that inconvenience, it's time to end. Thank you so much for watching. See you next week. Good night.

"I never knew that a car show would be sho entertaining." Weiss said.

"Okay, it's time for me to leave. Good night, kids." Nova said.

"Good night." They said and he disappeared.

And done! Like, follow, leave a review AND NOT A REQUEST, send me a PM if you want and READ THE NOVA FORCE. See you soon!