Chapter 37: Healing

Author's Note: Kataang fans, this chapter might make you worried for a second, but just trust me on this one and keep going. All will be well. Kataang is endgame.


Zuko was packing up in his room in the Earth King's palace, getting ready to return to the Fire Nation, when he heard a knock at the door. "Come in," he called, assuming it was a servant or messenger.

"Hi, Zuko," He heard Katara's voice and turned around. "Um, is Mai around?"

"No, she's with Ty Lee. Getting in as much time as she can before we leave. Did you want to see her?"

"No, I wanted to see you alone before you left." She came close, and pulled an amulet out of her neckline.

It looked familiar. "Is that..."

"Water from the Spirit Oasis in the North. I've been saving it for something important. Like freeing you from your mark." She had a small smile on her face, as she held in front of him something that he'd longed for, for the better part of four years.

Zuko thought of the way his face always caught people's eyes, the way he'd been shunned and ridiculed, the pain of the burn itself and the worse pain of being hurt on purpose by his own father. Then he thought of what he'd overcome, the core of resilience he'd found within him once he'd stopped trying to follow the path his father had laid out and made his own way, how he'd rejected everything he'd been taught about the world and chosen humility and kindness. Everyone who'd seen him wandering the Earth Kingdom in rags had assumed he'd been just another one of the countless victims of the Fire Nation; it had taken him a laughably long time to accept that was true. His banishment had sent him on a journey that eventually made him into a better man than he would have been otherwise. At first his melted red skin had been for him a mark of being scorned and rejected; now it was just another battle scar, like the one on his chest. His understanding of the meaning of honor had changed, so that a mark that once shamed him now had a completely different significance. If he erased his scar, would he also erase everything he'd learned since that Agni Kai?

Zuko shook his head slowly, and gave his answer. "This scar is a part of me now. I don't mind it anymore."

Katara smiled. "I guessed you might say that, but I still wanted to offer you a second chance. I thought maybe the scar wouldn't bother you so much if you had the choice. If you weren't stuck with it, but decided to keep it."

"I appreciate that. And it does help. Just now, knowing I could get rid of it, I realized I don't want to anymore." He was deeply touched by the gesture. It felt like they had come full circle. "Did I ever thank you for forgiving me?"

"Not in so many words. I knew how relieved you were when I stopped being so cold and threatening. I wish I'd done it sooner. Aang was right, forgiving feels better than carrying a grudge. Did I ever thank you for changing? For doing the right thing in the end?"

"That was its own reward. I don't need to be thanked for not being horrible."

"Still, I know it was hard for you. You had to go against everything you'd been taught. You had to give up on your father ever loving you—I can't imagine how much that must have hurt."

"Less than trying for years to win his love and always failing, as I discovered."

"You know that was his fault, right?" Her brow was furrowed, and she spoke firmly, as if it were important to her that he understand this point. "Because he wasn't capable of loving anyone, not because you weren't lovable."

"I know that now." He nodded. "Uncle taught me that. And Mai, and Aang, and you. Regardless, it was a childish reason to do things that were so hurtful to so many people. I could have been happier sooner if I'd had the strength to acknowledge his abuse for what it was, instead of blaming myself for not being good enough to deserve better treatment. I let my desperation for parental affection fuel a futile quest that left a wake of destruction behind me."

"It makes me so sad to think of you like that, a hurt boy looking for love in the wrong place." It also made her feel guilty for not forgiving him more quickly and easily. How could she not have understood?

"I found the right place eventually." Zuko assured her. "Several places, really." It occurred to him that he was looking at one of them.

"I'm glad. I've wondered sometimes, if Aang and Iroh had been just ten minutes later finding us, and I'd actually used the water and healed you, maybe that would have sealed the deal, and you would have chosen differently."

"I shouldn't have needed that. My uncle's reasoning should have been enough. I should have known never to trust Azula. I knew what our soldiers were doing to the Earth Kingdom, and I chose to cooperate with that. It makes me feel sick now. I've thought about it so many times, how things might have been different if I'd done the right thing then."

"We would probably still have been defeated, and you'd only have been jailed with your uncle. There were so many Dai Li agents..." She shook her head. "You're a great firebender, but I don't think even you could have turned the tide. Azula just outmaneuvered us. Please don't beat yourself up about it anymore."

"It's a good thing you didn't waste the spirit water on me. You needed it to heal Aang. And that's why you should save it now, for an emergency." He gestured to his face. "This is just...cosmetic."

Katara sighed. "You're right." She weighed the phial in her hand. It was heavier than it looked. "I had this idea that if I use it up, then that will ensure that everyone will always be safe, and I'll never need it. But I know it doesn't really work like that." She tucked it back under the top of her dress. "Well, goodbye for now. We'll see you in the Fire Nation soon."

She came close for a hug, her hands on his shoulders. They held each other long enough for him to notice the saltwater scent of her hair. As she pulled away, Katara kissed Zuko's cheek, right on the place where his scar met untouched skin. Her lips were deliberate, unmistakable, but didn't linger. She quickly stepped back, putting proper distance between them. He looked at her in surprise, touching the spot.

"Tell Mai I'm looking forward to seeing her in the palace." Her head tilted down shyly, but she wasn't blushing as she turned to leave.

Zuko sat down, stunned, and stayed still for a few minutes, pondering their conversation. He was pretty sure Katara hadn't meant that kiss in a romantic way. She wouldn't have mentioned his girlfriend like that if she had, right? It was only on the cheek. She had made sure they were alone, which might have been suspicious, but it was a very private issue she'd wanted to discuss, after all. He was sure she and Aang were deeply attached; she would never hurt her boyfriend like that.

Nevertheless, assuming it was totally innocent, he found that her kiss meant a lot to him. It showed that she knew him well enough to offer to heal him, to give him a chance to reclaim what his father had taken, and choose to own his face, scar and all. She'd even absolved him once again of his betrayal. It seemed to be her way to say she cared about him, that she understood his story, beginning to end, and accepted him. Despite everything he'd done, she found him worthy. He was overcome with gratitude, almost as much as when his uncle had forgiven him in his tent outside this city.

Zuko suddenly had a terrifying thought, one with the potential to blow up his life, and that of almost everyone he cared about: he realized he loved Katara. Did that mean he was attracted to her? Objectively speaking, she was attractive. Beautiful, even. He couldn't deny that holding her felt nice, and her lips had been soft on his cheek, but he hadn't noticed any desire to prolong that embrace or to kiss her back. Or had that just been because he'd been so shocked? No, he wasn't interested in her in that way now, but he thought if he paid her the right kind of attention, or if they were thrown together under the right circumstances, an attraction could easily develop. On his side, anyway; he had no idea about hers. For a second he wondered, if there had been no Mai, and no Aang, and he and Katara had met in a different, happier world, how might that have played out? He shook his head. At best they might have had a short, torrid fling, and then hated each other with equal passion when it inevitably imploded.

Because in the end, he and Katara simply weren't compatible. Their similarities and differences were aligned in a way that would guarantee constant conflict. They both had a hot temper and single-minded determination, but their emotional dispositions and worldviews were almost completely opposite. Way back before the comet, she'd told everyone he wasn't her type, and he'd said the same. That hadn't changed. Even when they hung out together in a group, Zuko occasionally found her relentless positivity irritating; he imagined it would become unbearable if they spent too much time together. Katara probably felt the same way about his tendency to be morose and overdramatic. Besides, the way they had met-he couldn't imagine a more toxic beginning to a love affair. Of course, some people were into that, the same people who'd thought the bondage scene in The Boy in the Iceberg was sexy. But what was hot in a scene and what was healthy in an actual relationship were not necessarily the same thing. He felt reassured to know that at this point he still had complete control over his feelings, and could choose not to let them grow in the wrong direction. He could make the honorable, sane decision to focus his romantic attention on Mai, his beloved girlfriend who'd put her life and good name on the line for him.

Zuko was discovering that there were many different types of love, and what he felt for Katara was the brotherly kind. That didn't make it any less real or powerful. Despite their history, it felt much safer and deeper than any warm feeling he'd ever held toward Azula. He could let his guard down with the waterbender and be vulnerable, in a way that had only ever invited vicious attack from his birth sister. If he could keep their bond unsullied by desire, his friendship with Katara could last, and become one of the most meaningful connections of his life, if it wasn't already. He knew he would put his life on the line for Katara—he had twice before, though back then he hadn't articulated why even to himself. His body had known before he had, and chosen for him automatically. That was yet another thing to be grateful for. He took a moment to say a prayer of thanks, though it was something he did only rarely. Finally he shook his head in wonder and resumed packing.

Another knock. "Ready to go, Sifu Hotman?" Aang's bright voice surprised him at the door.

As soon as he turned around and saw his friend, Zuko' peace was disturbed by guilty recollections of the thoughts he'd just entertained, even briefly, about the airbender's girlfriend. He couldn't help nervously blurting out a confession. "Katara just kissed me. Right here." He pointed to the spot on his cheek, at the bottom of his scar. "That's all. It felt like a brother-sister thing to me, and I think that's how she meant it." He held his hands up, as if to show he was unarmed.

"Then why do you need to tell me?" Aang wondered, nonplussed.

"I don't know. That stupid play. Rumors." He looked down, afraid to say more. He'd thought that Aang might have had some of the same ideas about him and Katara that Mai had briefly imagined, though they'd never discussed it explicitly. He still remembered the way the boy had glared at him over Katara's shoulder in the crystal catacombs, as if to say, 'Mine! Hands off!'

"I'm not worried about that, Zuko. I know what it's like between you two. I trust you both." The younger boy assured him, the picture of serenity.

Zuko took a deep breath, relaxing. "That's a relief. I would not want to fight you now."

Aang chuckled. "You think that would put me into the Avatar state?"

Zuko glanced to the side quizzically. "Wouldn't it?"

Aang shook his head. "If anyone hurt Katara, that would do it. But if you two ever...got together... Mai is the one who would kill you, not me. I'd just...crawl into a hole." He stared into that abyss for a second. Then he brightened suddenly, as if a funny thought had just occurred to him. "I guess she's owed you a kiss for a while."

"What?" The young Fire Lord could not have been more surprised by this reaction.

"Remember when I fought you at the abbey to get back Katara's necklace? When I gave it to her, she kissed me on the cheek and said to pass it on to you, but I never did." The airbender's eyes were twinkling with suppressed mirth.

"I'm sure she didn't really mean….." For an instant Zuko was afraid Aang was going to kiss him too. He felt like his friend was making fun of him, and of course he deserved it. Better to just play along. "She was probably just looking for an excuse to kiss you."

"Maybe. It was our first kiss. If you count one that's just on the cheek."

If he said that, yes, it counted, then today's kiss would have to matter as well, and neither of them wanted it to, not in the same way. Zuko left that question to one side. "I'm….glad my villainy brought you together. And that you know that you have nothing to worry about with Katara. I guess you've never seen the way she looks when she talks about you. She's just….radiant."

"Really?"

"It's like she's a recent convert to a new religion, spreading the good news."

Aang's smile grew so wide it looked like his face might break, and he brought one hand to his heart, as if he could hold this information there and treasure it.

"Now, see, you're doing the same thing." Zuko informed him, amused. "No one is ever going to come between you two."

"These fangirls keep trying," Aang told him, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. "Just on the way here, some girl grabbed my hand and asked me how far my tattoos go."

"Well, you won't have to deal with that quite as much when you join me in the Fire Nation. Even the people who support you don't have the same…..patriotic fervor as they do here. This is the kingdom you saved, and mine is the one you fought off. You're more likely to encounter a booing crowd. I'm the one who needs to be careful about fangirls around Caldera."

"What does Mai think of that?"

"She hates it, of course. Those girls are really disrespecting her. I mean, our relationship is public—it's a little scandalous since we're basically living together…..Which should make it all the more clear that I'm serious about her, but unfortunately it also lends an air of disrepute to the whole thing. Some people think she's basically my mistress, and I'm going to just put her aside when I get bored. That I'll eventually pick someone else based on which clan I need to get on my side at a crucial political moment. Unfortunately, that's exactly what a few of my forefathers did…." Zuko paused. He had the urge to confide something he'd kept to himself for months. "But actually, Mai and I….we're kind of, almost engaged."

"Whoa! That's wonderful, Zuko!" Aang's face lit up and suddenly the Fire Lord was wrapped in a hug. "When did that happen?"

"When she first moved in to the palace." Zuko found himself feeling pleased and puffed up with pride. It felt good to share this news and to get congratulated. Holding it in for so long had not been easy.

"That was forever ago! Why didn't you tell us then?"

"Because it's more than unofficial, it's unspoken. Please don't tell anyone."

"What does that mean?" Aang looked confused.

"That since Mai has already ruined her reputation for me, I promised to marry her eventually. I'm planning to make it official when she turns 18. And I know that if I don't follow through, I'll probably find myself skewered by some very sharp knives."

"I don't doubt it. And still those fangirls pester you." The Avatar shook his head. "They obviously have no clue how scary your girlfriend is!"

"Or yours!" Zuko laughed. "I'm afraid I've been pretty rude to some of the girls a few times. It makes me so mad to see Mai getting hurt and insulted just because she picked me."

"Katara wishes I'd do that more often."

"I can imagine that." He quirked a grin. "We must be the two most unlikely guys to get a bunch of girls hanging all over us, right? Short, bald, scarred, awkward….."

"It would be flattering, except it's all about the title, not about me as a person."

"Exactly! All these girls care about is having a royal wedding and wearing the Fire Lady's jewels. It's so funny that you're the only person who gets it…. "

"Maybe when you're hosting the colony talks, you can make sure there's no way for screaming crowds of girls to see us. King Keui put us in that room with windows right over the square, and they were so loud we could barely hear each other…"

"Good idea. I'll put my assistant on it." Zuko held out his hand. "See you in Caldera?"

Aang used the hand to pull his friend in for a hug. "See you soon, buddy."


Authors's note: because the best way to take down a non-canon ship is to tease it, and have the characters themselves explain why they're deciding against a pairing that would be out of character for them.

If you're intrigued at the idea of this Maiko almost-engagement, I have a whole story I'm working on to let you know how that happened. Stay tuned!

Next week, I hope you're ready for a long chapter about Katara's birthday! 10,000 words of pure Kataang fluff. Hit subscribe so you get an email when it drops!

Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought of Zuko's thoughts on his FRIENDSHIP with Katara, and Aang's reaction/nonreaction. Your comments are what keep me going!