hey hey hey - I'm not dead!
I have good news and bad news.
Bad news (for me) is I cannot leave the house anymore, silly pandemic. Good news for you... well it's waiting for below!
Thanks again to you all for sticking with me, appreciated more than you know.
I'm going to break tradition here and not write replies out to any reviews right now - BUT ONLY BECAUSE I AM ON A ROLL and want to get back to writing, but I do love you all (special shout-out to you hardcore oldies that have been here from the start, you know who you are ;) )!
Chapter 43- Bundles of joy and tragic thoughts
Roxanne's previous week had been filled with congratulations and Quidditch Cup celebrations but now that the season was over, the ever-present threat of exams seemed more and more real. Though she had been preparing for them for a while now, she was filling every spare moment she could with study sessions, so much so, that she even tried to make her socialisation educational.
Most of the time she spent with Scor or the twins now was in the Ravenclaw library or in the common room forcing them to quiz her on her OWL material in return for her testing them on their 6th year content. They didn't mind too much since without the Quidditch season, they had a lot more time free in their schedules. It was also helpful preparation for them to review some of the things they'd forgotten.
Logan however, not to her surprise, was less keen on working. He often tried to plead with her to chill out when she wanted to study and so as a result, she was trying to get even more work done away from him so that she could almost 'let him' convince her to stop studying. Olivia told her she could probably afford to relax with him without the extra studying before but Roxanne was being her overzealous self and couldn't accept that suggestion. Besides, she enjoyed having Logan plead with her, the soft kisses he was so fond of placing on her neck were more than enough persuasion.
In fact, she had spent the majority of the afternoon with him down by the lake. The mid May-time sun had drawn a fair crowd and Roxanne had enjoyed some alone time with Logan. They'd even had some playful practice duels, though they had not gone the way Roxanne had expected. It didn't take long for Roxanne to realise though that while Logan wasn't necessarily bad at duelling, she was much, much better.
"Keep your wand up high" Roxanne called over to him as she sent an Avis flock flying at him. He dodged the first few birds but forgot to pay attention to anything else as he waved them out of his face. While he was distracted, she sent a swift jelly legs jinx at him.
"You're sneaky you know that?" he told her, as she held out a hand down to him, having reversed both spells a moment earlier.
"How am I sneaky?"
"Well, the first spell you sent my way was one we hadn't even learned yet. So even if I had been revising, which it's now very obvious I haven't" he admitted with a small guilty smile as he stood. "How am I supposed to protect myself against you with all those surprises?" he asked, pulling her towards him.
She laughed softly against his chest, "Avis is one of my aunt's favourites. She sends it at my Uncle Ron whenever she's mad at him for something"
"I hope that doesn't mean you're mad at me" he chuckled, as he flexed his arms around her to tighten his grip.
Her breath caught in her throat, "Definitely not right now" she told him, looking at his face which was only a few inches from hers.
"Good" he whispered back, his voice deep. "I was hoping you'd be feeling something else right about now"
And she did, she felt a shiver down her back at his words and wanted nothing more than to be pressed against him more closely, for there to be less people and less clothing between the two of them. So she kissed him, and as she did she felt herself sigh into him, she felt contented and happy. She felt a lot thing in that moment, but part of her mind, right at the back where she tended to ignore it, asked her if she could be feeling something more…~
Since so much of her day had been wasted by the lake, Roxanne felt the need to go to the Library that evening. She also felt the need to constantly remind herself that those hours had not been wasted, and that she had simply blown off some steam in order to clear her mind for studying. Though that self-reminder was never quite listened to.
That evening's library companion was just Scorpius since Lysander was out taking a prefect round in Lorcan's place while his brother and Liv spent the evening together. None of them had any idea what Lorcan must have promised Ly in return for such a night off, but they'd managed to agree it must have been big.
"Acromantula venom" Scorpius answered confidently without hesitation.
Roxanne smiled as she put the flashcard to the back of the pile, "Correct".
Scorpius examined the card in his hand, on top of the pile of flashcards relating to OWL level Transfiguration.
"Come home with me this Sunday?" he asked.
"Huh?" she asked, having expected a very different question type.
"Yeah, dad was going to apparate me from Hogsmead home so I could see everyone. Come with me. You need a break" He implored, as if it weren't a question anymore.
Something about that made Roxanne's heart skip a beat.
"Why?" she asked, slightly confused.
"Because you've been working so hard-"he began.
"No, I mean, why do you want me to come with you?" she asked, more clearly.
"Because you're the reason Ophelia even has her name, and besides mum really wants to get that lunch with you"
She blushed, feeling important.
"Your mother put you up to this, then did she?" Roxanne asked, ignoring her pink tinged cheeks.
"Only a little" he smirked holding his thumb and forefinger a centimetre apart. He continued, "She did suggest it, but I'd love for you to meet the girls"
"Fifi and Lala you mean?" she teased, recovering from her flush with a smirk.
"Ophelia and Elara, yes" he said, narrowing his eyes at her. He continued to insist they would not call each other that when they could speak, and of course she continued to insist they would. She liked being able to tease him about it, it would be a while before either of them could be proven right or wrong, and until then, she would use it to wind him up.
"Oh, I'd love to meet them. But are you sure it's not too soon for your mum? Surely, she doesn't want a stranger meeting her new babies already!"
"Roxanne, you've never been a stranger" he told her matter-of-factly. "Especially not as far as I'm concerned" he told her. "Remind me again how long we've known each other?" he asked raising a brow.
She laughed, "Good point." She paused, before nodding slightly. "I'll come… on one condition"
He raised a perfect brow, "Oh?"
"You find me a question from that pile that I don't already know the answer to" she smirked at him and dodged the card he threw her way. Just minutes ago, he had told her there were none she didn't know and had rolled his eyes at her insistence they kept studying.
Roxanne summoned the stray flashcard and handed it back to Scorpius who added it to the pile and then performed a non-verbal shuffling spell on them all. She smiled at this, and wondered if it was a habit she had picked up from him without noticing because that was exactly what she did after studying too.
They traded decks, reminding Roxanne of Muggle school children, and headed out to the common room to catch Ly at the end of his round, hoping to tease out of him what deal he had made with his twin.
"So let me get this straight, you're going to ditch on our brother-sister chill Sunday so you can go and meet the new Malfoy sprogs?"
Roxanne laughed aloud, "Don't call them that Freddie" she half told him off. He only winked in response, happy to get a laugh out of her.
Fred had insisted on them seeing each other and flying at least twice a week now because without the Quidditch season to keep her in the air, Fred wanted to make sure she didn't just hole up in the library all the time. Honestly sometimes he felt he was doing a public service to everyone she might come across – Roxanne post-flying was a lot less of a ball of infectious stress than she would be without his intervention.
It wasn't a difficult idea to come up with either – Fred was sure of exactly two things that could calm his sister: flying and a warm slice of Grandma Molly's apple pie. Since the Weasley matriarch's baking wasn't exactly on tap in the castle (though he began to puzzle a way it could be in his head), he had to make do with forcing her onto a broom instead.
Knowing his sister so much better now, he was aware of a third thing or rather, someone that calmed her, but he didn't think that would be the best outlet to encourage, or make her aware of at the moment, so he ignored it for now, mentally planning to confront her about it after exams if she hadn't stopped being so oblivious.
"I really am sorry Freddie" Roxanne offered with a guilty look. She really did feel bad about missing their quality time.
He shrugged, knowing that the progress they'd made on their relationship wouldn't go out the window if they missed one Sunday. "Okay so how long are you going to spend at that Manor then?"
"All day I suppose. I don't know exactly"
Freddie sighed, "And I suppose the boyfriend has already given you enough grief about it?"
"No actually..." she paused, a guilty look on her face, still slightly reddened from the flying in the cold.
"Roxanne, you've got to tell him. Preferably before you leave" he chuckled.
"I know I know. Merlin, you're starting to sound like Domi"
"Well then that's when you know you're in trouble. I should not be sounding like Dominique"
Roxanne didn't reply, so though it was alien to him – Fred stayed quiet for a second. His younger sister was clearly in thought.
He gave her a minute before asking, "Why haven't you said anything to him?"
"We're doing so well, and he's been so good about me studying with Scor I don't wanna ruin it…" she trailed off, not needing to say much more. They had had more than enough chats about Logan and his opinions before. Or as Fred liked to refer to it, the huge jealous boil in his brain.
"Roxanne, if you're afraid to 'ruin it' by telling the truth, then are you really doing all that well?" he asked her in all seriousness now, brow furrowed. He didn't like to see her unhappy but there wasn't much he could do about it when she was almost refusing to see that she wasn't.
"Wow, Freddie." Roxanne replied, taking in a deep breath of the cold, crisp air surrounding them on the stands.
"You're right" she admitted, starting to gather her things.
"Say that one more time for my ego?" Fred teased, making her grin widely. She ignored him and leaned forwards and kissed him on the cheek.
"I love you Freddie, gotta go and take your advice" he smiled and nodded at her, pushing her ever so slightly in the direction of the castle – and hopefully not towards another conversation with her boyfriend that would make Fred want to throw the Slytherin off the Astronomy tower.
"Love you too Roxy!" he called after her before he got too caught up in imagining ways to deal with Logan if he ever hurt her.
"Repeat that for me again. He actually said he didn't mind?" Olivia asked Roxanne, equally surprised about Logan's lack of protest. She nodded, just as surprised as her best friend was now.
"Maybe it's because he knew you would have been with Fred on Sunday anyway?" Olivia suggested.
"Hm" She was unconvinced and baffled by her boyfriend's earlier reaction.
Roxanne was happy of course, but something inside made her suspicious of how Logan had reacted. She wanted to celebrate how much better he was being, but when faced with the reality of it, was just confused by him being so…out of character. She sighed, surely that was not the way she should be looking at it, but she couldn't help herself.
"Or maybe it's because he's heard Malfoy's back on the prowl and so isn't so worried about him hitting on you anymore" Scarlett interjected with a shrug, as she busied around their dorm tidying.
"Back on the prowl?" Liv asked, "How are we always the last to know these things?" she chuckled.
Roxanne shrugged, especially confused since she'd been spending so much time with Scor lately. Surely he would have said something to her by now? But then she bit back the slight hurt rising in her throat – he didn't have to tell her every little thing he thought.
"Yeah, apparently some Slytherin girl has been mouthing off about him taking an interest in her. Says he asked her out."
That would explain how Logan had heard about it, Roxanne thought. Unusual for Scor to show the first bit of interest though.
"When?" Liv asked.
"Earlier this week I think, not sure on any other details though"
"Huh, well I doubt he's taking her home with you Roxy" Olivia laughed.
"Could you imagine?" she countered. "That'd be one way to ruin a weekend"
"Or liven it up, depends how you look at it" Olivia said, making Scarlett laugh.
Roxanne was quieter, already beginning to wonder about what new girl Scorpius was about to date, and why he had yet to mention her, and if he would mention her this weekend. It was easy to joke about it now, since all the girls had the same history of experience with Scor's awful exes. Except once she paused and thought of it as an actual possibility, she had a different kind of feeling in the bottom of her gut. And she was damn sure it was not amusement. ~
Scorpius laughed so loudly that the couple in front of them by about fifty meters turned back.
"She's been telling people I asked her out?!" Scorpius' shoulders continued to shake.
"So you didn't then?" Roxanne clarified; she knew Scor could be a bit of a bender of words when he wanted to be.
"No of course not. I'm not into that anymore, really. She came over and started flirting with Lorcan, he froze because he didn't know how to politely say he had a girlfriend so I put myself in harm's way and suggested she set her sights on single men instead"
"Oh how heroically misleading" Roxanne almost snorted, relaxing for some reason.
"How is that misleading?" he quibbled.
"Did you happen to be the only other single man in the vicinity?" she probed.
He paused, and Roxanne chuckled as she watched it dawn on him, "Hm, it's possible."
"You need to rein in that charm of yours Malfoy, it's clearly out of control"
"Why, you worried it might start working on you?" he leaned to whisper to her.
She laughed and pushed him away playfully.
"No I'm worried for your saint-like reputation of course."
He smirked, "Hmm, maybe I should date her, it got lover boy off your back didn't it?"
"We don't know that's got anything to do with it"
"Oh yeah just like we don't know that chocolate makes you smile" he said, pulling out a chocolate frog from his jacket pocket.
She smiled. Then tried to stop smiling, "Correlation does not prove causation, Malfoy"
"Okay Miss O-W-L, I won't date her then" he paused, before smirking mischievously. "But if your boyfriend gets all jealous again, I can. For you of course."
"Oh so lovely of you to make that sacrifice!" she exclaimed, jumping to reach the chocolate frog he was holding above her head.
"It would be a sacrifice thank you very much, she's a 7 max, without a doubt, I usually don't settle for anything less than an 8.5"
"You pig" she told him, before punching him in the gut. He doubled over and she grabbed the frog, as she turned to run from him before he recovered, she hit something peculiarly familiar.
"Oh Merlin, I'm sorry Mr Malfoy"
Draco chuckled, "That's quite alright Roxanne, I was hoping to run into you both early for a drink." He paused, amused as Roxanne flushed scarlet, "I didn't however, anticipate anything quite so literal"
"Guess I get to witness the dawn of the Malfoy dad jokes now then?" Scorpius asked, lightly brushing Roxanne's hair from her face before stepping, slightly hesitantly around her toward his father for a hug.
Draco could tell this was still a little alien to his son, and of course he knew he only had himself to blame, but seeing his son hesitate less and less before stepping towards him warmed his heart immeasurably. He was glad to be patching things up with his eldest child, and finally starting to feel like he was worthy of the amazing family he'd somehow managed to help create.
He led the two teenagers to his preferred Hogsmead pub, the Dragon's Egg, which was a little quieter and smaller than its older, more popular neighbours. He led them through to a booth towards the corner and asked them what they wanted to drink, getting up to order as they slid in next to one another. ~
Roxanne's brows furrowed. Going to the pub with Scorpius and Draco was a very different experience to going with her parents or other family elders. The stares they received were not appreciative and curious, as they were with any Weasley-Potters, they were judgemental, some bordering on hostile.
She was suddenly angry, but also very impressed. Draco Malfoy walked over to the bar looking as if he hadn't a care in the world, his white blonde hair and likeness to his father attracting looks he brushed off like floo powder. He ordered their drinks and came back to the table, sitting down coolly.
As he arrived, Scorpius stood. "I'm going to the bathroom." He said, lightly brushing Roxanne's shoulder as he left, sending the tiniest of sparks down her spine, she resisted the urge to shiver.
"I'm used to it after all these years, and I understand it" Draco said aloud once his son had left, unprompted. She blinked, "Pardon?" she had been staring at the man at the bar who was staring at Draco. She had hoped to make him feel some shame for his looks but he didn't make any eye contact with her, she realised this was probably rude and that she should have asked his father something once Scor had left.
"You seem pretty observant, I imagine you've noticed this isn't really a pub trip full of friendly atmosphere. My apologies for that" he said candidly, a slight chuckle escaping him.
"Oh Mr Malfoy, not at all. I was just frustrated that people are giving you the looks they are after all you've done. I think it's ignorant and rude"
He smiled, "As I said before, Roxanne, please call me Draco. And thank you for your frustration on my behalf," he paused, "It's a very human thing to do though, don't you think? To remember the bad over the good. I could never resent anyone for that"
"I think that's a very admirable stance to take, Draco" she tested, his first name sounding odd to say to such a regal man. "But I don't think the kind of hostility you experience should be attributed to 'human' character. It is a decision after all, to treat someone with contempt, just as easy as the decision to not do so or to educate yourself on a person before making a judgement. Don't you think?" she asked.
Draco smiled at her, nodding. "A very eloquently presented argument, and yes I see your point. I suppose, without the excuse of human character, there will always be some in the Wizarding World who make the decision to judge, regardless of what I do."
"And I think that's a huge shame."
"As some parts of life are" he said resignedly. "But, there are other parts of life that are much more important to me than stares in a pub" he perked up, as Scorpius sat back down, pulling a small piece of paper from inside his cloak.
"What've you two been chatting about then?" he asked, casually.
"I was just about to show Roxanne this picture of the twins" he said, passing Roxanne the image which she took gently from him and held out in front of herself and Scorpius.
They both beamed upon seeing it. The girls were lying side by side asleep and the photo had caught them waking, two little in-unison yawns escaped them as they slowly blinked themselves awake.
"Oh they're beautiful, Draco" Roxanne said, noticing how close Scorpius had sat next to her to look at the photograph.
"They are, aren't they?" Draco agreed, pride filling his voice. "They'll make fine brides for good pure blood wizards" he followed.
Scorpius snorted and Draco lost his straight face. Roxanne rolled her eyes, turning to Scorpius, "I see where you get your sense of humour from"
"Don't be silly, I'm much funnier than my father" he replied with a wink to his dad.
"You're not that funny at all though, so that would be an insult to your dad" she teased, sipping from her butterbeer.
Scorpius playfully pushed her face away and turned to his dad, "How is mum then? And the girls?" ~
Roxanne flopped dramatically onto Scorpius' bed as he shut the door to his room behind them.
"Oh what a bed" she exclaimed feeling herself sinking into the silky sheets and soft mattress below her.
"I'll admit, it is a lot better than the ones at Hogwarts" he said.
"Speak for yourself" she said, her eyes closed. "Dom bewitched my mattress in first year, it's almost identical to my bed at home"
She felt Scor flop down from the opposite side of the bed, they were both lying on their backs now, heads almost touching she swung her dangling feet slowly, content.
"Bet your bed at home still isn't as nice as this one though", he said playfully knocking his head to the side, hitting hers softly.
She knocked his back in retaliation, a small short movement that only left the tiniest bit of space between them, just enough that she noticed it get even tinier as Scorpius moved his head back towards hers.
The contact between them made Roxanne sink further into the mattress and without thinking, she leaned her head further into him. She was so comfortable around him and so grateful to have him – as her friend of course.
"Whatever Malfoy some of us are strong enough to not have to sleep on a cloud"
She heard him chuckle and she smiled softly at the sound. With a jolt she opened her eyes as he suddenly jumped up off the bed and clapped his hands together. ~
"I've got to show you something" Scorpius said, glancing at the clock on the wall. They had about 20 minutes until his mother wanted them down for lunch. He zipped over to his bag and reached into one of its pockets, out of it he pulled a folded piece of parchment. Rox was now stood up across the bed from him, watching what he was doing, a confused expression across her soft features. But it was something he'd just remembered and now was great timing.
"Ive been working on this one for a while." He told her. Not entirely sure about sharing it, he pushed that hesitation away, he had poured his heart into this, and she was the only one who deserved to see it.
She took it from him carefully, and sat down on the edge of his bed to unfold it. ~
She stared at the parchment for a while in silence. Tracing her fingers softly over the marks Scorpius had no doubt spent hours making.
"Well?" he asked, awaiting a verdict.
"It's beautiful" she whispered, "It's me..." She said louder, almost questioning.
"Duh." He said, having not expected her to be so shocked. "It's you from the day I opened the letter about the girls. It's taken me ages to get right. You're a difficult one to capture Roxanne Weasley"
"And you flatter me immensely, Scorpius Malfoy" She retorted, staring at the drawing he had handed to her.
It was of her, sitting against the tree by the lake, the colours he'd used danced on the page, depicting the reflection of the sunset they'd watched that day across her. Her hair and eyes practically sparkled and Roxanne thought she never could look this beautiful in real life, she was a vision in it. Each quill stroke was soft and light and seemed to pull her from the parchment. She half expected the version of her in the image to get up and start singing like a portrait at Hogwarts, it was that detailed.
"Flatter you? How?"
"Well this is so… pretty. Scor there is no way I looked like this that day. I'd been running after you, I had barely slept and hadn't even had time for a proper breakfast"
"Roxanne, that's how you always look" he said simply. Making her blush stupidly. "But that day specifically, that image of you. It stuck, you brought me the best news in the world and I'll never forget feeling the way I did in that moment. I'll never forget the way you looked to me then."
"It could have been anyone who bought you that news" she said softly.
"Yes, I suppose. But I'm glad it was you. You're the only one that understood. "
She chuckled trying to ignore the heat of her cheeks, "Yeah and it caused me a whole load of grief Mr Malfoy"
He smiled coyly, "You know I am so sorry about that Rox. I just didn't have the strength to tell everyone else. It meant admitting to it and I just couldn't do it."
Roxanne smiled back, "I know that, don't worry I was only pulling your leg"
"Okay good. I genuinely do not want to ever be an issue for you in your relationship. That's not the part I want to play in your life" he told her seriously.
She smiled at him, not daring to ask him to elaborate. "Don't worry about it, all couples have their fights, right? You just happen to be ours"
She laughed slightly awkwardly and Scorpius wished he'd never even brought out that damn parchment. He did not want to be the fight she had with her boyfriend. He didn't want her to associate him with that kind of negativity, even if it was satisfying to know that his mere presence made Williams jealous.
"Would you call it a fight?" he asked, not able to help himself from prying now that the topic had come up.
"I suppose not, more of a point of contention" she smiled, clearly pleased with her wording.
"Am I the only point of contention?" he enquired, wanting so desperately for her to say that another, more pressing argument had reared its head, something other than – well, himself.
It wasn't that Scor didn't want her to be happy, and it wasn't that he thought Logan was a bad guy, it was just that he had seen enough of what she was like with him to know she changed herself for him and Scorpius could not accept that any part of Roxanne needed changing. Except her current boyfriend of course.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"I don't know, just have you had any other arguments I guess?"
"What else would we argue about?" she asked with a little laugh.
"Oh I don't know, fundamental differences in morals, unshakeable disagreements on ethics, politics or religion?" Scor said smoothly, mostly because he didn't know the answer but part of him still wanted there to be one.
Roxanne giggled in response. "I can confirm we have yet to have any arguments on the fundamentals of life. I'm pretty sure we agree on most of those things"
"Pretty sure?" he echoed teasingly.
"Yeah, I mean we've not talked in detail but I think I'd know if – "
"You mean you don't know?" he pressed with the same playful tone. "How can you possibly start a family on that kind of basis?"
She scoffed and he smiled.
"Well I planned to have copious amounts of unprotected sex, get pregnant and see what happened. Do you not think that's a good idea?" she joked with an over exaggerated shrug.
"Do I think you having sex with Logan is a good idea?" he blurted out, his voice having lost some of its playfulness, "Absolutely not"
"Scor-" she began.
"None of my business? Yeah I know. Sorry I-"he had quickly noted that his inner voice had burst out, he immediately had regretted it.
"That's not what I was going to say actually"
"Then what?" he asked.
"Scor, do you think –"she began, before being interrupted by a small knock on the door.
All of a sudden she sat up, Scor heard a little sigh escape her before she moved off the bed and answered the knock at the door.
Sif's voice chirped in response from the threshold, Scor hoped that Roxanne would not follow the little elf outside immediately, he needed a moment to get Roxanne to finish what she had just been about to say.
"Lunch is ready, Mr Malfoy and Miss Weasley"
Scor joined Roxanne in standing, she had closed the door but her hand still hovered on the handle, as if ready to throw it open and escape at any moment.
"Roxy-" he started, but the look on her face as she turned to him stopped him, her face was flushed and her ears tinged pink in the way they did when she was embarrassed. Though he didn't want to assume too much, Scor thought she had been about to ask him something related to Logan and…sex.
He moved towards her and brushed her free hand to get her attention again. She shook her head slightly and brushed his hand away. At that, all he could focus on was not keeping his face from falling the way it felt like his heart was. She had never pushed him away like that before, he had never seen her so unsure about speaking to him, and it hurt him to think that he couldn't be her confidant as he had been so many times before.
"Just leave it okay" she said in the smallest whisper, still clearly embarrassed.
He nodded, the pain in his chest intensifying, he automatically stood a little taller and lifted his chin ever so slightly, setting his face to the blankest expression he could muster. ~
That was the first time in her life Roxanne had chosen not to share something with Scorpius, and it felt… alien to her. Immediately she wanted to turn to him and take it back and spill her heart out to him about how she was feeling and all the thoughts running through her head but she knew for some reason that she shouldn't. She felt as though somehow it would be a betrayal to Logan. Somehow it would be wrong of her to do. But why?
"We should get down to lunch" he told her, in a voice much more flat than she was used to hearing it.
She nodded, but didn't move.
"Rox, I haven't quite got the hang of walking through doors yet" he said with a little more warmth and a reassuring smile. He placed his hand softly on top of hers which still clung to the ornate door handle. She let him push down and pull the door towards them to open it, noting that he only used the slightest touch possible to do so. She almost forgot to exhale as he brushed his fingertips lightly over hers, "Come on" he encouraged and she finally let the handle, and her breath go. ~
Having gotten over her strange inability to open a door, Roxanne had really enjoyed having lunch with the glowing Astoria and the doting dad, Draco who left to check on the twins every few minutes, convinced he'd heard them stir, despite having set about 10 baby-alarm charms around their cots.
Having lunch with Scorpius however, had put her far more on edge. She couldn't forget how he'd looked when she told him to drop it and knew that while he was desperate to know what she'd been about to ask him, he wouldn't ask again.
That was potentially the worse outcome, though since now the uncertainty was radiating off him, he was tense but trying hard not to show it, which made it even more obvious to her.
She caught his eye across the table and smiled at him, hoping that it might make him relax a little. She felt guilty for having put him on edge right before what should have been a lovely family lunch for him. He managed a small smile back but it didn't fool her. He looked worried.
Why was he worried though?
Why did it matter so much what she'd been about to ask?
What had she even been about to ask?
If she really asked herself, really thought about it, part of her had wanted to talk to Scorpius about sex. She'd wanted to talk to the guy her boyfriend hated about having sex with said boyfriend.
She'd realised too late how terrible of an idea that had been. Again, why?
She didn't know why she really wanted to talk to Scor about it, she'd had talks with Liv and the girls, and written to Dom too but something about being with Scorpius and talking… well she wanted to discuss everything with him.
And she supposed, everything did include the idea of sex with her boyfriend, even if it shouldn't. ~
The rest of the afternoon at the Manor passed without incident, in fact once Astoria had stolen Roxanne away, she was finally able to relax. She didn't like the tension she could feel between her and Scor and she had been replaying their conversation before lunch over and over in her mind.
"Feel free to have a look around" Astoria told her warmly as she pushed open the large oak door to her studio.
Roxanne followed her in, not knowing where to begin to 'look around'. She blinked at the brightness, for in here Astoria seemed to have gotten rid of the entire outside wall.
The room just seemed to end in nothingness, and though Roxanne knew there had to be some sort of enchantment doing this since having a studio open to the elements would be entirely impractical, she couldn't help but be impressed by the magic and the effect it had on the room.
"I'm a fan of natural light" Astoria told her, seeing her eyeing up the 'room' if that was what you could call it.
"I can see why, its beautiful Mrs-"
"Roxanne, I've heard you call my husband Draco so don't you dare think of calling me anything other than Astoria" she interrupted with a chuckle.
"Sorry. If it makes you feel any better I've only just gotten into the habit of calling him Draco today" She offered.
"Much better, I'd hate to think my husband is the preferred parent of Scorpius' best friend"
Roxanne laughed but also tried not to blush at being referred to as Scor's best friend. Even though she knew she was up there, it was nice to know he'd given that impression to his family too.
"I haven't made up my mind on my preferred parent yet I'm afraid" Roxanne replied a little nervously, testing the waters on how much she could joke with Scor's parents.
After having spent so much time at her house over Easter between hospital stays, Scor had almost become part of the Weasley household, he was able to laugh and joke with her parents and Roxanne hoped she could someday get to that level with his too. Though Astoria gave her a giggle and a response relating to bribes so she thought that was a good sign.
Roxanne had drifted over to a large open book of what seemed to be sketches of dresses. She looked up at Astoria who was standing by the window.
"Do you mind if I-?" She half asked, gesturing towards the open book.
"Oh of course, go right ahead."
Roxanne turned the book back to the start, and began to slowly turn the pages over, admiring the swatches of fabric, delicately penned notes and intricately drawn dresses on each one. She could see where Scor's artistic tendencies came from.
After about 10 pages in Roxanne paused. Staring back up at her was a dress she recognised well. Floor length, navy blue with a cut out and held together by a rigid silver necklace. There was no mistaking it, this was the exact dress Roxanne had worn to the Malfoy New Year Ball. Roxanne was so confused that she didn't even notice Astoria's presence until she was right beside her.
Roxanne jumped a little at her voice. "Ah yes. I remember that one looked beautiful on you"
"It was your design?" Roxanne asked, confused. She didn't remember the name of the label that was on the dress but she was certain if it has been Astoria Malfoy, surely she would have known that.
Astoria nodded.
"I thought you had your own label?" She enquired, confused. Scorpius had never said loads about his mum's designing, but she had thought that she was an independent label at least.
"I do." She shut the large book and showed Roxanne the cover.
"Anna Maidenhead" Roxanne read aloud, she smiled. "Your initials but-"
"But not my actual name, no" Astoria finished for her before continuing, "I couldn't bear to part with them but when I first started out, all I had were rejections, until Natalia, who I believe you've met, suggested I change my working name."
Roxanne watched as Astoria took out her wand and pointed it at her own face.
Roxanne immediately recognised the non-verbal magic as a powerful glamour, she had to peer really hard to see Astoria as she usually looked, and she knew even that was only possible because Roxanne knew who to look for under the spell.
"I assume you did a lot better as Anna?" she said, a little sad.
"With the exact same designs "she confirmed, removing the glamour with another delicate wave of her wand.
"That must have been so upsetting" Roxanne said aloud.
"For a while, yes but I still get to do what I love and that's what really matters to me"
A small cry echoed through the room. Shortly followed by another, different sounding one.
"Speaking of what I love, it seems the twins are awake. Would you like to come and meet the girls properly?" ~
Of course, by the time Roxanne and Astoria had arrived in the room the twins were already well attended to. Following Astoria's lead, Roxanne stopped in the doorway with her, watching the Malfoy men each holding a small bundle in his arms, which they both gently rocked.
It was Draco who first turned to them, an even broader smile stretching across his face at the sight of his wife. He beckoned Roxanne over. She hesitated ever so slightly, though part of a huge family, being one of the youngest meant Roxanne had no experience with babies. All of a sudden, she was very nervous and very afraid to be so close to these delicate little humans. Astoria placed a gentle, encouraging hand on her back guiding her over to Draco.
"Don't worry, Draco will show you how to hold her if you want?"
"Hold her?" Roxanne asked, even more nervous.
Scor looked over now, still rocking the baby in his arms.
"Don't tell me Roxanne Weasley is afraid of a little baby?" he asked softly with a small smirk, cooing the last part at the bundle in his arms.
"Don't listen to him" Draco told her, "he went white as a sheet when he first had to hold Ophelia"
Draco smiled softly as Scor mock-scowled back at his father.
"Cross your arms over each other" Draco directed, "Perfect, now all you have to do is support her head and she'll be absolutely fine. Roxanne, meet Elara, Elara this is Roxanne."
Roxanne took a deep breath in and did as Draco said, but when he passed her Elara the nerves completely slipped away.
"Hey Elara" Roxanne whispered quietly, looking down at the baby. Her eyes were sparkling blue and staring up at her, wispy blonde curls peeked out from beneath the grey beanie she had on. Roxanne smiled down as Elara gave a little yawn, her eyelids suddenly seemed to be too heavy for her to keep open. She closed them with a little puff of air out of her small nose that reminded Roxanne somehow already of her mother's.
"You're a natural" Astoria said from nearby. Roxanne looked over to Scorpius with a triumphant grin and was met with him already looking at her. He was standing over one of the cots in the room where he had obviously just placed Ophelia down again. The look on his face was one of pure adoration and Roxanne felt so glad that she was able to see her friend so happy with the family he deserved.
"You can put her to bed if you like" Draco said from the doorway. "Scor will show you how"
And with that, the Malfoy parents smiled and left the two of them alone with the twins.
Roxanne walked very carefully over to the second cot, next to the first.
"They actually like to sleep together." Scor told her quietly.
Roxanne moved to the other side to stand next to Scor, "Do you want to put her down?" he asked.
Roxanne shook her head slightly. The enchantment she felt towards the tiny human in her arms had both taken away her immediate panic but replaced it with anxiety over doing anything that could harm her. She could hold Elara, but putting her down felt like a whole new kettle of fish. Scorpuis nodded with an understanding smile and stepped close to take Elara from her.
For a moment, as Scorpius slid his arms under hers Roxanne felt her heart flutter at how gentle he was. And even more so as she watched him carefully place his blonde baby sister next to her brunette twin.
They both stood for a moment shoulders touching slightly staring down at the two of them sleeping peacefully side by side. She felt everything between them relax, all the earlier tension of the day eased and Roxanne felt the way she did when she collapsed into her bed after a long day.
"Roxanne, thank you so much for being there for me when everything was going on with them and my mum. I don't know what I would have done if-" somehow his quiet voice got even quieter.
"Scor, you don't have to thank me" she replied, still not taking her eyes off the twins even though now she could feel that his eyes were on her.
"It's just that… I want you to know I'm so grateful for you. For having you in my life"
"I'm grateful for you too Scor." She replied honestly.
They were both silent for a while.
"You know you can tell me anything right?" he said, almost so softly she didn't hear him.
"I know" she said, resting her head on his shoulder. "And I will" she said, almost surprising herself.
"But not now" he said, leaning his head on hers and finishing her thought for her.
"Definitely not now" she agreed, still marvelling at Scorpius' siblings. ~
"Liv, can I ask you something?" Roxanne whispered, half hoping her friend was asleep and she wouldn't have to face an answer.
"Anything" Olivia answered. Roxanne heard her climb out of her own bed and moved over for her to slip in next to her. Olivia pressed her cold feet against her friend's legs and chuckled at her shock.
"Liv!" she whispered loudly chastising her.
"Sorry, couldn't help myself"
Roxanne grumbled but didn't say anything else.
"What's on your mind Roxy?"
"Well, I know this sounds really dumb, but when I was at Scor's we were talking and sex kind of came up and I was about to ask him about it but then I thought of Logan and I don't know it felt weird, and then it got really awkward but I think I still want to talk to him about it"
"What felt weird? Talking about sex with Scor, or talking about sex with Logan with Scor?" Olivia asked.
Roxanne paused, "The latter I suppose, which is why Im wondering if it's weird and maybe I shouldn't"
"No I don't think it's weird, Rox. Logan and you and Scor – it's complicated. It's understandable you'd be hesitant about discussing it with him"
"Yeah but that's part of the point I guess, do you think that means I shouldn't discuss it with him? I've never hid things from Scor before"
"I know you guys are close, but if you're going to be with Logan then maybe that's part of the sacrifice you have to make. I guess sometimes, maybe relationships come before friendships, or at least change them. Maybe you and Scor can't be the friends you want to be when you're with Logan. Only you know if it's worth it I'm afraid, Roxy"
Roxanne nodded and sighed, Olivia rolled over and Roxanne did the same, their backs touching in a familiar way, Roxanne was glad Liv had chosen to stay with her.
As she drifted off she thought of one more question for her best friend, "Do you feel like you're having to change any friendships to be with Lorc?" she asked, an even smaller whisper than before.
Olivia was silent for so long that Rox was sure she had nodded off. Just as she gave up on getting an answer, one came, and while it was exactly what she'd expected, it was also exactly what she didn't want to hear.
"No, Roxy I don't. And I'm not sure that I could stay with him if I did"
Roxy Dearest,
Judging from your last letter things have been getting steamy with your lover boy! I'm excited for you and happy as long as you are! However, you also sound like you're unsure about things. So let me say this again, as I feel it's finally relevant.
Don't overthink things, do what feels right and listen to your instincts.
If you're hesitating, maybe there's a reason Rox. If your instincts are telling you to jump on that boy and ride him like a Firebolt then by all means go ahead (and remember your contra-protective spells!) but if something's holding you back then don't let him talk you into it. Which to be fair, it doesn't sound like he would do, which is good, because otherwise he might end up dead. By me. I mean I would kill him. Slowly.
You can choose whether or not to pass that message on! But yes, basically no pressure Roxy, trust yourself, and whatever you do or don't end up doing I support you 100% and WANT TO BE KEPT MORE UP TO DATE DAMMIT. Honestly Rox, I know you've got exams but between your sparse letters and Vic in finals study mode I am going insane from lack of attention.
As for the update on training, do not worry your favourite Weasley is still KICKING ASS, in fact our instructor decided to actually let me fight him for the first time today. Before now he's not put himself in the ring but the boys in my class were all looking sheepish when I was up so he showed them how it was done. And oh boy did he show me a thing or two Rox. I know last time I said, or suggested at least, that I might wait until I graduate to do anything with him but I don't know if I can hold out. I have two new goals as of now. One is to best him in class, and the other is to show him my best in bed. I don't care which comes first.
Anyway, I've got to keep this one short because I need some sleep before tomorrow, sexy combat instructor who cannot be named in writing because of protocol blah blah blah is coaching us again so I want to be ready… for anything ;)
All my love,
Domi xxx
Oh and P.S: Vic is FINALLY planning on telling everyone about the wedding because she's realised she doesn't actually want to plan it herself alongside studying for finals so stay tuned for fabric swatches and bridesmaid dress samples from Grams et grand-mere...
"That from Dom?" Scor asked, peering over Roxanne's shoulder as she opened the letter at the breakfast table.
"Yeah" she replied, folding it up quickly, possibly too quickly, and stuffing it into the inside of her cloak. She should have known better than to do so because Scor looked at her very suspiciously.
"More things I can't know about then?" he asked, raising a brow, hinting at their trip to Malfoy Manor, which had been a week ago now.
"Don't be silly, it's just boring girl talk"
"Since when is girl talk with Dominique boring?" he asked, cheekily.
"Since when are you interested in girl talk with Dominique?" she countered.
"Since you've decided I'm not allowed to know"
"I have not decided that"
"Show me the letter then" he said simply, a small smirk threatening to break free from the edge of his soft
lips.
"Nice try" she told him finally, putting her knife and fork together in the way that made her plate disappear.
"I'll see you later" she told him, standing up and ruffling his hair.
"Oi, if you're not sharing your deepest darkest secrets anymore then no way do you get access to the hair"
"You mean all this time I've been allowed access?" she asked, feigning shock.
He narrowed his eyes, "Well no, but I'm clamping down on illegal touching. And I'll have no more from you"
"Fine" she said, making sure to flick him in the face with her own long hair as she turned and walked away. She heard his chuckle from behind her and quelled the urge to turn around for one last glance. ~
He turned back to the table, having just watched Roxanne walk away from him.
Lorcan and Lysander stared back at him, he hated it when they had the same expression on, and he hated the fact that he knew exactly what that expression meant.
"Don't say a word" he half growled at them. He didn't need any more reminding about how hopelessly in love he was with Roxanne Katherine Weasley. Nor did he need a lecture about toning it down, it seemed she saw him as such a close friend that she was completely oblivious to anything he said or did around her anyway.
"I've got nothing else to say, I just want you to know this is all very painful to watch"
"It's painful to live" Scor returned with a sigh.
"Even Olivia agrees with us"
"Olivia agrees with what?" Scorpius asked Lorcan hopefully, if Roxanne's best friend also thought Logan wasn't right for her, maybe the whole thing wasn't a lost cause… Maybe there was a sliver of hope?
"She thinks you and Roxanne are bloody destined to be together" Lysander said for his twin, who just nodded in agreement.
"And has she told Roxanne this?" Scor asked, "Has Rox said anything that makes her think so?"
"No" Lorcan answered, causing Scor's heart to drop like a lead balloon. "But she just knows her, and she says she can see it. Unfortunately, she doesn't think Rox knows it, or can be told it"
"So it's a waiting game is what you're saying?"
"By the sounds of it" Lorcan said.
"I still think you should just get with someone else rather than keep pining after her" Ly said with a shrug as he too cleared his plate.
"I thought about it, but I just really can't find anyone but her appealing anymore. It's – "
"It's tragic, is what it is" Ly finished for him.
Scor laughed at that, joining his two friends in standing to head out of the hall.
Tragic. He hated how accurate that felt. ~
"Logan, I really should get going" Roxanne said softly.
She was currently stretched out on his bed in his dorm room, she still had her uniform on but her shirt was unbuttoned and her skirt askew. They had the curtains drawn around them and placed a few silencing charms but for the last hour, Roxanne had been doing nothing more than studying. Yet again, they had been in a situation which very clearly could have gone a lot further, but yet again something had held Roxanne back. Looking up at her shirtless boyfriend now, who was lazily leafing through some of Roxanne's flashcards, she couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't wanting to, as Dom had put it, ride him like a firebolt?
"You okay?" Logan asked, snapping Roxanne from her musings. She had been staring at him.
She nodded sitting up, "Uh huh. Sorry, just thinking about the work I have to do tomorrow" she lied.
"Is tomorrow a study only day?" he asked with a suggestive smile.
She smiled back, giving him a little eye roll. "Yes it is and you damn well know it."
"Well then I guess I'd better get a little more attention in before you go" he told her, his eyes zeroing in on her.
He pulled her towards him and flipped her easily so that she was stretched out beneath him.
She giggled, her stomach doing a little flip.
He kissed her neck, trailing little pecks down until he reached her bra. She had been willing to take it off earlier but on the basis that they were 'waiting', Logan had encouraged they go more slowly. He kissed the exposed areas of her cleavage while his hand trailed down the right side of her, following the curve of her waist. Roxanne felt a small sigh escape her and Logan's face appeared back over hers. He kissed her on the lips fully, and Roxanne felt a familiar, pleasant shiver.
Logan pulled away and Roxanne knew her face would be flushed but she didn't care, she had to admit, she had been enjoying herself. But at the same time, Roxanne knew, she didn't mind that he had stopped there. She didn't mind that her bra had stayed in place or that they were both clothed from the waist down, she didn't feel the need to have sex with him in the way she sometimes thought that she ought to. Logan had assumed her slight reluctance was because she had never had sex before. And she had let him think that, because it was much easier to convince herself that she just didn't feel ready. When in reality, she just didn't feel…right.
Something in her mind, body and right down to her very core was telling her this was not the time. Something was telling her, he was not the one.
A/N:
Anyway, off I go back to write some more so that it's not another millennia before the next update. Tell me what you thought of this little titbit in the meantime.
All my love,
Cookie xxx
