Force Dyad
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A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly read and reviewed the last chapter.
Chapter Fifty-Three-A Quiet Moment
Somehow Ben knew this was coming. When his emotional pain hit, he let it sit inside him for a while, just long enough to feel the emotion and gain new perspective on it. Then he dismissed it, adding it to the long list of ways his mother chose to inadvertently hurt him. It didn't matter anymore, he had made his peace with it, learned to accept that this was the way it would always be between them. This way he was solid, being real to himself and others, yet not wallowing but enabled to embrace his future free in a healthy way, reaching forwards with confidence.
Lately he had been doing a lot of thinking about his future.
As he listened to his mother speak, his glance slid toward Rey. She was looking particularly lovely today, he thought. Her warm chestnut coloured hair and pale white skin made her beautiful pink lips stand out. Her cheeks were tinged red with fury on his behalf, an enhancement that only added to her perfection in his eyes.
"Ben, did you hear what I said?" Leia demanded when she realised his attention was focused elsewhere.
Ben reluctantly turned to look in his mother's direction. "I heard you."
"And?" Leia looked back at him, feeling extremely perplexed by his underreaction. She had expected the usual angry outburst, instead she was confronted with a cool, calm individual she hardly recognised as her son.
"We'll leave for Jakku tonight." Ben answered her curtly.
His surprising statement was followed by a look of surprise from his mother and a small gasp of hurt from Rey. Ben whipped his head around to face her, a slight pleading look in his brown eyes as he sought her understanding. But Rey was already on her way out of the room, her tense posture and refusal to make eye contact radiated betrayal.
"You can't be serious!" Poe Dameron exclaimed, reminding Ben of the egotistical pilot's irritating presence. "General, I must protest…"
"Protest what, Commander?" Leia's warm brown eyes were unusually stern as she looked his way. "I give you the orders and I expect you to follow them. My son has agreed to accompany you and Rey on this mission…"
"Belay that order." Ben cut in quickly.
Leia and Poe's eyes snapped to his. "Excuse me?" Leia huffed, not welcoming being overridden.
Ben's sense of calm was anchored in his well-earned self-confidence. Perception was everything. Ben had learned the hard way that the only thing a person could ever truly control was themselves. He wanted to be done with this conversation so he could go after Rey and set things right. With eyes filled with determination, Ben faced down his mother and told her how it was going to be.
"I refuse to have Dameron as part of this mission. He will only jeopardise it. And I don't trust his mouth to stop running away from him." Ben ignored the scowl that swept across Poe's face, instead levelling his gaze with his mother's and focusing on her reaction. "Rey and I will get your precious piece of the puzzle to Skywalker's location from San Tekka, don't you worry. We work better alone and certainly don't need some conceited pilot interfering and getting in the way."
A rare glimmer of admiration flickered in Leia's eyes as she regarded him thoughtfully. She had enjoyed his raw honesty. It was rare that anyone questioned her authority. Dameron did on occasion, but he was never direct like Ben, he usually went on a charm offensive to try and get his own way. No, Leia much preferred her son's straight approach. She silently applauded his ability to control his emotions. He was angry with her, that wasn't in doubt, but she was impressed by his attempt to direct it in a positive way. And of course, she had got the end result she wanted.
"Done." She agreed.
"You have got to be kidding me, General." Poe said in disbelief.
"I never joke around. You should know that by now, Commander Dameron. You're dismissed." Leia informed him curtly.
Poe's mouth snapped shut as his scathing gaze swept over Ben, before he stormed out of the briefing room in a sulk. This left mother and son alone. Leia's expression softened now there was no longer anyone else in the room. "Ben…" She said, reaching out to him.
"Don't." Ben avoided her attempt to touch his face. "Just celebrate the fact you got what you wanted…again."
"That's not…." Leia faltered, but it was too little too late, Ben had walked away.
With the ever-faithful BB-8 following in her wake, Rey strode blindly through the base, barely acknowledging the many greetings that came her way from the other Resistance members. She was a popular figure among her peers, and her unusually taciturn disposition confused them. She was desperate to be alone so she could nurse her hurt in private. She felt utterly betrayed by the one person she trusted the most. For Ben to be so blasé about agreeing to go to Jakku, the very place where she had suffered her most traumatic experience, was like being stabbed right in the heart.
Rey never spoke about her parents. She had come to terms with the fact they were probably buried in some paupers grave somewhere in the Jakku desert, but it didn't mean she hadn't stopped thinking about them. Their desertion still haunted her dreams occasionally. There were some mornings she woke up with tears lingering on her cheeks, transformed into her five-year-old self again as she relived the distressing event.
It would have been kinder to kill her, Rey thought dramatically as she plunged outside into the blistering heat of the day. A lone drop of sweat made its way down her back, leaving a trail of temporary coolness in its wake. In this heat even the trees appeared defeated, mimicking her own feelings. Leaves that should be firm and upward tilting, drooped like her shoulders. Even the air was dry, not the usual humid warmth.
Rey made her way toward the line of trees, heading for one spot in particular. On bright days, after a strenuous day, Ben would often be found sitting under the shade, his eyes on the foliage above, on each green leaf in that vast canopy. Despite her best intentions Rey imagined him reclining in that dappled shade, an old-fashioned book resting on his raised knees, his eyes following the text as if it were the soft call of a lover. Before she'd quite chosen what to do, her feet had taken her under that same tree, her eyes weighed down with tears.
"Why, Ben? Why?" She whispered forlornly. "Why would you do that to me?"
Sensing her sad mood, BB-8 rolled to her side, emitting a low whistle of sympathy as she settled down beside him.
When the frustration built up inside and Ben thought he might explode – he took a deep breath. He reached out with the Force, immediately feeling the pull of their bond drawing him toward Rey. Ben began to run, desperate to escape the confines of the base and reach the open air. The sun beat down on him as soon as he stepped outside. The sun was no longer a friend, it was an oppressive presence that sapped the energy out of every living thing.
Despite the intense heat, Ben increased his pace. His lungs heaved like the air was acidic and every part of him felt like it would break if he didn't stop. But Rey was upset and she was his whole world. He needed to explain. To tell her…
And there she was, Rey, sitting in the shade under his favourite tree, meditating. Her eyes were closed in a way that appeared restful, as if inviting Ben to imagine her dreams. He slowed down, an image forming in his mind, which he knew he hadn't conjured himself. It was coming from Rey. He saw himself reclined in the dappled shade of the same tree, a book resting on his raised knees. Rey had her head in his lap, her eyes closed and her lips curved up into a blissful smile as she listened to him read. Summer winds moved the deepening foliage, creating an ever-changing mosaic of light and shade, and with it the music that is born of such gentle movement, the steady soothing lyrics of nature close by. It was such a sweet and restful scene that Ben longed to step into it, but as soon as the thought entered his head, the image vanished and he was left feeling bereft.
Ben realised Rey's eyes were open and she had seen him. Her expression turned stormy and she glared at him. "If you came here expecting my forgiveness, forget it." She warned him angrily. "There is no way I am ever going back to Jakku. That planet is cursed. And I can't believe you had the temerity to tell your mother that I would."
"We're not going to Jakku." Ben explained, immediately taking the wind out of her sails.
"But you said…?"
"I lied." Ben watched the dawning confusion in her eyes. His voice took on a softer quality, lowering in pitch as he revealed his hurt. "I can't believe you even thought for one minute that I would take you back to a place that traumatised you so much. I thought you knew me better than that."
Rey realised the triggers of her past had clouded her perception and caused her to doubt the one person who meant everything to her. "I'm sorry." She apologised, guilt colouring her voice.
"Come here." Ben said huskily.
Rey rose gracefully to her feet and drifted slowly toward him. "I'm sorry." She said again.
Ben's expression remained serious as she approached him. In the intense heat his inky black hair had become one with his face, the long strands draped over the bone structure that drove her crazy. She wondered if he knew how crazy that made her, how it made her want to feel every inch of his skin. Red blossomed on her cheeks as the thought entered her mind, and she ducked her head slightly in an effort to hide her face from him.
Rey felt Ben's fingers curl around hers as he pulled her toward him until they were standing in front of each other, toe to toe. His other hand landed on her face and to her immense surprise he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers. As she glanced up at him from under her thick lashes, she saw his eyes were closed. His breathing was calm and controlled, while hers went completely erratic at the intimacy of their position.
"I would never do anything to hurt you, Rey." Ben murmured, his warm breath tickled her skin and she felt her stomach flip at the sensation. Before she had a chance to respond to that statement, he carried on talking. "I said to my mother that we were going to Jakku to meet with San Tekka, but I wasn't telling her the truth. She wants Skywalker back…"
Rey went to pull back in surprise, but Ben's hand held her in place. "I don't understand." She mumbled.
"I'm going to give her what she wants." Ben continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't need a piece of a space map to work out where Skywalker is. I already know where he is."
"What?" Rey felt Ben press his forehead harder against hers as he hushed her.
"Skywalker is nothing if not predictable. He may have closed himself off from the Force, but he would still gravitate toward remnants of it. During the early years of my apprenticeship, before he took on the others, we would travel together, searching for ancient Jedi artifacts. It was one of Skywalker's obsessions. If he was going to exile himself somewhere, it would be at the site of the first Jedi temple…."
"But no one knows where that is." Rey interrupted him.
"Its on the planet Ahch-to."
"How do you know?" Rey asked breathlessly. She was impressed by his ingenuity.
"Research." A small smile took over Ben's face. "You know how studious I am."
"That's why you've been obsessively reading those old text books lately." Rey surmised.
The same image that had been playing in her mind earlier – the one of Ben settled peacefully under the tree, an ancient tome resting on his knees, and with her head resting in his lap -replayed in her mind. Rey felt a hot flush take over her face and she was grateful he couldn't see inside her head, unaware that she had already unwittingly projected that very same image to him when she sat brooding under the tree.
"I don't understand, though. Why would you go to so much trouble to find Skywalker? I thought he was the last person you wanted to see."
"He is." Ben agreed. He opened his eyes and looked directly into hers. "I am going to bring him back, Rey, screaming and kicking all the way if I have to. Its time the old man faced up to the consequences of his actions and my mother is desperate to have him back. She thinks that once knowledge of his reappearance spreads, it will reignite the spark in the galaxy and more will flock to her cause."
"But what about you?" Rey asked anxiously. "How will you cope with having him around? It will affect you, Ben."
"It won't because I won't be here. As soon as we bring him back, I'm leaving, Rey." Ben said fervently. "I'm done here." He paused for a second as he felt her go still. "The question is…will you come with me?" When she opened her mouth to answer he hushed her again. "Don't say anything now." He murmured, his eyes closing again as if afraid she would deny him. "You're almost eighteen now and in charge of your own destiny. I want you to come with me but it has to be your decision. Just think about it, okay."
Silence fell between them, the only sound the gentle resonating of their breathing. Rey gazed up at Ben's handsome face, his forehead was still pressed to hers, his eyes still closed. His plush lips were slightly parted. She couldn't stop staring at them. Instinctively, Rey tilted her head slightly, angling closer to his. Her slight movement disturbed Ben and he turned his head aside, releasing his hold on her face as he straightened up again. Rey was left with an overwhelming feeling of confusion and frustration as he took the lead and she followed him back to the base.
A/N-thanks for reading! Please review.
