"And of the sweet sweet soul
Let's be certain
Of the deliberate monologue
As sure as if it will fall
Across you
Unto you
Will most certainly leave the doing undone
Come on undone"
Lambchop (Zero 7 Re-Mix) – "Up With People"
Sabine and her crew were all still hungover from the previous hours they had all been up partying, but they hired drivers anyway to drive them to a spot Tadpole wanted to go try out.
Tadpole bounced in the seat next to Sabine, his eyes bloodshot and his breath smelling of weed and poor hygiene since he arrived in Indo. "Maria Tambien" by Khruangbin played on her MP3 player and she bobbed her head to her favorite band for surfing music as she watched lush trees and flowers of Nusa Penida island roll past her eyes. The beauty of the scenery didn't make up for the crappy roads they drove over. The roads away from the main paved ones were horrible. She worried they would get a flat. Sunken potholes. Sharp rocks. Sabine also saw a lot of trash from tourism piled up on the sides of the road. She hoped there wasn't stuff like that floating in the water. It seemed to grow worse in Indo with so many travelers wanting to go there year after year. Even the locals complained about the growing refuse. It angered Sabine.
They reached a point in the trip where they had to hike with their boards.
The sun felt like a hot stone in the sky and Sabine walked with her board on top of her head as small pebbles in the dirt path found loose spaces under her sandaled feet. Belmira led the way and in a scant twenty minutes, they were all staring at big waves breaking on a short shoreline.
"Fantastic!" Tadpole shouted as he kicked off his sneakers and pulled off his shirt.
Sabine kicked off the yellow rayon shorts she had on and adjusted her crocheted light-blue bikini top. She had a few aches and pains in her lower back and side from sleeping on the floor in the hotel when she was too drunk to reach the bed.
Standing at the edge of the water, she watched Gato Pete, Esmee, Yolanda, Tadpole, Asia, Ramelan, and Belmira paddle out. Her stomach lurched and Sabine vomited up the bit of chicken porridge she ate before they left their hotel in a hurry. She kicked sand over the mess and actually felt a bit woozy when the sour odor hit her nostrils and stayed in the back of her throat. Picking up her board she allowed clean salty beach air to revive her senses before she stepped her toes into cooling liquid.
Sabine's skin felt itchy and dry even as she sliced her arms through the water. She lined up with the others and watched Tadpole and Ramelan take off, followed by Belmira. Studying their moves, she tried to observe the direction the waves broke onto the shore, something she should've done before she paddled out. The soft lift of her board eased her into focus and she relaxed long enough to get a feel of the sets coming in.
When it was her turn to catch a wave, she wobbled a bit on her pop up but prevented herself from falling by bending her knees extra low. Her friends yelled their support as she cruised along the lip of a six-footer. Her balance was way off when she tried to lean into a tight pocket. She fell and kept her body in a tight ball as she went under like Belmira and Ramelan warned them all to do with the large corral reef bed beneath them. The water roared over her head and she popped back up in time to see a few jet skis roar across whitewater twenty feet away from her.
Above her, she saw two drones flying and she wondered who was controlling them because she didn't remember seeing anyone on the nearly secluded beach with one. She hoped the images didn't go out far because she liked the spot and didn't want hordes of surfers running to it in the future. Sabine and the others had sworn secrecy to Belmira and Ramelan that they would tell no one of the spot once they returned home. The surf there was only good during early morning tides during the dry season
The next set of waves brought her better rides and Sabine was able to kick out quickly when she needed to in order to get back onto the line faster. She cursed herself for not braiding up her hair. The constant wiping it back from her eyes was annoying.
Bomb after bomb dropped and it was exhilarating. The best non-pressure surfing Sabine had done in months. Paddle. Ride. Kick out. Repeat.
Three hours went by and her mind and heart were full of joy watching Tadpole live his best life in a place he always wanted to visit. He didn't seem to care that he spent half his time falling and giggling. The waves grew bigger and a bit rougher, and by the time the sun had shifted positions a few times, Asia, Ramelan, Yolanda, Esmee, and Belmira had called it quits. Gato Pete, Tadpole, and Sabine were the only people of their party on the water still out battling the waves that had swelled to over twelve feet in sets of four at a time. The sour taste was still lodged in the back of Sabine's throat, and her eyes endured pressure from the back of her head.
Tadpole snagged a big boy and Sabine wasn't able to paddle fast enough to hit the other side of it. She watched Tadpole ride the lip before he fell. Laughing at her boy, she saw him shake a fist at her as he made his way back.
"Heads up!" Gato Pete shouted.
Sabine whipped her head around to see how much time she had to move, but a wave lifted her up and dropped her before she could take advantage with a fast paddle. Her eyes gazed down at the beautiful greenish-blue water and she made a promise to go snorkeling before she left the island. Tadpole and Gato Pete spent time trash talking to each other and Sabine closed her eyes to help herself push through a sudden wave of nausea that overtook her. Thankfully, she didn't throw up again and she thought it was time to go in and drink some fluids. Her body felt like she had lost too many electrolytes and needed replenishing.
For the first time in hours, she thought of Killmonger.
Erik was probably pissed at her. She hadn't bothered to check her phone after speaking to him. Stacey refused to go surfing with them so Sabine had no idea if Erik was trying to reach her to get to Sabine, or if even Maverick was hunting her down because of the titty pictures.
She wanted to have her fun in peace, but the moment Erik was back in her head, that Killmonger scowl was all she could think of.
And Marina.
The nausea grew.
The sight of new sets rolling in excited her. She would finish off her surf day with maybe a tube run if she were lucky.
Dipping her arms in, Sabine went for it.
So did Pete.
The lift was fast and startled Sabine.
She adjusted her legs and shifted her weight forward dropping into a tube so gnar that she grinned from ear to ear.
The wave turned into a giant freakshow in an instant.
A mutant terror.
Sabine was shocked at how wild the ride became as she shot out of the tube before it collapsed. Her adrenaline really kicked in and through the joy she felt at escaping a wall falling on her, there was a tiny bit of fear tickling the back of her neck. Glancing toward shore, she saw Belimira and Ramelan waving them in.
She wouldn't be back in Indo for awhile.
One more.
Paddling back to the line she could see Tadpole had the same idea as he gave her a thumbs up. Her biceps and traps were beginning to ache and a twinge of discomfort hit her lower back again from the poor sleeping she did on the hotel floor. Of course, not stretching before getting into the water was terrible self-care.
"Sick, Dude," Sabine shouted to Tadpole as they both saw larger sets in the distance.
Paddling fast, Sabine jumped up like she needed to make ten points in a final heat. Her left heel slammed down on her board and she cruised into a deep barrel. Fanning her left fingers out, she touched the wall of water until the tube began to bend toward the reef. The nose of her quad fin lifted up sharply and she tried to maneuver a big foam ball at the same time. Sabine got clipped on the lip of the rising giant. The wave did her dirty and she was shoved off of her board and slammed into the hardest wipeout she had ever experienced. She forgot to curl into the ball Belmira warned her about.
The last thing she remembered- before her head slammed into the coral reef and she floated into blackness with blood seeping out of her skull—was the sight of the green-blue water beckoning her to stay in it forever.
###
Pain.
All over.
Sabine couldn't open her eyes. The lids felt so heavy…and sore. She couldn't move anything either. She could feel the weight of her body lying on something but couldn't make her limbs or even her neck move. Why were her lids so fucking heavy and useless?
There was a pain in her right nostril and it irritated her to no end. Opening her lips, her tongue felt like it had swelled up and blocked up all the space in her mouth. She tried to speak but her voice wouldn't work and panic set in. A loud beeping rang out and she tried moving her head in the direction of the sharp dissonant noise.
Sabine felt another hand touch her right one. It was soft and warm.
"You're okay," an unfamiliar voice said above her.
Sabine still couldn't get her eyelids to work, and her tongue took up too much space and she couldn't move anything. She gulped air through her mouth still feeling the strange irritation in her right nostril.
"Baby?"
Sabine's mother's voice made her start crying. The hot wetness coursed down her cheeks and she could feel that.
"Mommy."
Another hand covered her left one and that familiar touch made her cry more. The moisture from her eyes must've loosened up whatever magical glue that made her eyes seal tight. From out of the darkness came blurry light, and it took several minutes for Sabine's eyes to adjust.
She was in a white room.
A medical room…a hospital by the smell and sounds around her. Her eyes darted to her left and Belinda sat there squeezing her fingers that came alive once she saw her mother's face.
"I'm here, Sugar. Mommy's here. Welcome back."
"Back from where?"
Her mother broke into shaky laughter as she wiped her eyes from all the tears she was dropping onto Sabine's hand. There was intense pain in her jaw as it moved slightly. She did her best to enunciate and was glad her parents could make out her words with her sluggish tongue holding her back.
"Azucar…"
"P…"
Cedro walked around the hospital bed and stood near Belinda. His hand stroked Sabine's wrist.
"How… here?" she asked.
Indo.
Birthday.
Tadpole.
Nusa…Nusa Penida.
Walking…
Snorkeling?
No…not snorkeling…surfing.
Surfing the green-blue island waters. Big sets. Short breaks. Be careful. Reefs. Ball up.
Sabine tried to sit up but her head felt heavy and so did her legs.
At least one leg did.
Her eyes shifted down toward her waist and she could see a white cast on her elevated right leg. Right hand reaching for her nose, Belinda pushed her hand back.
"They took out your feeding tube," she whispered.
"Toohhhd?"
"You've been in a coma, Sweetheart," Papi said.
Her tongue made her mouth tired. She couldn't even ask a question.
"Three days. Today you've been in and out of consciousness."
"Shidd."
Her parents burst out laughing but they were crying at the same time. Happy tears of relief.
"Do you remember what happened?"
An unfamiliar voice.
"Take your time with speaking. If it's too painful, we can wait."
Sabine turned her head to the left. A light brown Indonesian woman with soft warm hands held her right hand and stared into her eyes with a penlight. Her English was softly accented.
"Wiped out… reef…"
Pain.
On her head.
Sabine released her mother's hand and she touched her scalp. It was bandaged completely along with part of her left cheek.
"Bad?"
The doctor touched the top of her head.
"You've had surgery. You broke your right leg in two places. We had to remove coral from your face and leg. You have sixty external stitches and more internal ones to repair all the damage to your left eye, jaw and head. There were no skull fractures and no injuries to your neck, but you still fell into a coma. Healing completely is going to take a lot of time but now that you are back with us, I feel a lot better."
Sabine took in all the information the doctor gave her and she turned her head back to her parents. She swallowed thickly and pushed her words out despite the pain.
"Am I still cute though?"
Belinda touched her bandaged cheek and giggled. Papi still wiped tears away.
"You're still beautiful, Baby," Belinda said.
"Let's let her rest a bit without trying to talk," the doctor said.
Sabine was checked over by the doctor and a nurse who entered to clean her bandages. She felt something nudged up against her right breast. It felt like soft fluffy hair and plastic. Her mother lifted the object up so she could see it.
A Black Surfer doll.
"Marina brought that for you. Erik flew all of us over as soon as we found out. We're so happy you finally woke up. They were worried about brain injury…"
Belinda slowed down to keep herself from getting too worked up. Sabine stroked the doll's hair as her eyes grew blurry again.
"Marina was so worried, Baby. She sat by your side and just talked and talked. Read you stories from books trying to make you wake up…oh honey…I know…I know…"
Sabine pressed the doll against her face and her body shook with pain and also release. It hurt to cry and she couldn't help the flood coming out.
"Okay…okay…get some rest…" her mother whispered giving her a kiss on her forehead.
The nurse returned and gave Sabine some pain medication and it helped numb the sharp stings she felt in all her injured parts, but it didn't stop her tears.
###
There were many things in life that Erik didn't like, but his least favorite thing was being woken up in the middle of a good sleep.
At three in the morning his cell phone went off and then his house phone went crazy two minutes later. He picked up the cell first and saw Sugar's number. Sitting up quickly he swiped his phone and Stacey's shrill voice greeted him with crying and stumbling words. His house phone went straight to the answering machine and he could hear Sugar's mother yelling for him to pick up.
Jumping out of bed he ran down to the second floor and put Stacey on speakerphone and asked her to stop talking so she could catch her breath. He put Sugar's parents on speaker too.
Sugar was in the hospital after a horrible wipeout.
Erik held his cell phone up near the landline and Stacey gave him more information in a calmer voice.
His woman couldn't resist a big wave and took it. Sabine's body was battered against a reef and Tadpole was able to grab onto her arm until a ski jet could drag her to shore. It took a long time to get her evacuated by sea transport to a suitable private hospital in Bali. Stacey sounded like a total wreck by the time Erik was online booking flights for Sabine's parents, himself, Yvette, and his children.
She was in surgery while they were all flying. It took over thirty hours to arrive in Bali and they were all exhausted and scared. The moment they touched down at Ngurah Rai International Airport and took a taxi van to the BMIC Nusa Dua hospital, Stacey informed them all that Sugar's surgery went well. Erik felt like he could breathe for the first time since getting the phone call about the accident.
It was quite a shock to find out at the hospital that Sugar's friend Gato Pete drowned. While Sugar had floated up to the surface, Pete had been held under the heavy waves losing strength in his body to even make it to the surface. His body had been found washed ashore. His family had to make arrangements to have his remains flown back to South America.
Once they reached the hospital with their luggage, Sugar's doctor told her parents that they were hoping for the best.
Hoping for the best.
Her parents went up to see her in recovery and Erik waited in the lobby with Yvette, his children, and Stacey. An hour later Cedro returned and his pale face let Erik know it was worse than they thought.
Erik had been flippant with Sugar when he hung up on her. His anger masked the hurt he felt trying to get Marina back to herself and having Sugar run away from them. He didn't want to call her childish over the phone even though that is exactly how he felt she was acting. Showing her breasts online. Hard-partying in public. The lack of concern about her image.
"Do you want to go see her?" Cedro asked.
He wanted to. He was scared of what he would find.
"She's going to need more cosmetic surgery down the line to fix her face. We'll have that done in the states. We just want her stable enough to leave when she gets out of this coma."
"Coma? I thought they said the surgery went well."
Cedro shrugged.
"Go see her."
Erik turned to go find the ICU wing and Marina grabbed his hand and shoved Lacy, one of her surfing dolls, into his hand with a small surfboard.
"Give this to, Sugar…please, Daddy."
Marina's stressed face made him anxious. She pressed the brown doll into his palm and he curled his fingers around it. It wasn't until he walked away from his daughter that he realized she had spoken a full sentence to him. He stopped in his tracks and turned back toward her. She was leaned up against Yvette. Deuce's eyes were on him giving Erik a thumbs up signal.
Erik continued on his way and he braced himself for what he would see. He had witnessed some fucked up injuries over the years, but when he saw Sugar on that hospital bed, he thought he was going to pass out. Her face was swollen and bruised and bloody and she looked so …broken. Belinda was a mess and Erik pulled it together to help Sugar's mother hold up better.
"She's in a coma," Belinda wailed.
Erik pulled a seat next to her and stared at Sugar.
Why didn't she just come home?
That wild woman only did what he used to do. Throw caution to the sea winds and just ride every wave she could catch.
Leg busted. Face busted. Head busted. Erik closed his eyes. She was done surfing for the rest of the year. Maverick could drop her. She was going to miss the call to the big show.
"Sugar, damn…" he muttered.
All the hard work she put into making a name for herself. Getting major sponsorship when so many surfers, especially women, didn't get that luxury. She had the buzz and the support and the anticipation…all of that…gone.
It didn't matter at that point. All that he was concerned with was seeing her heal and getting her back home with him and her family.
"Marina wants her to have this with her."
"Lacy," Belinda said. She took the doll and tucked it under the covers in the crook of Sugar's arm.
Erik sat with Belinda until he had to use the restroom. He went back to the lobby and told Cedro he was going to take Yvette and the kids to their hotel rooms. He gave Cedro all the information and cash to cover a taxi for them to join them when they were ready to get some rest.
"I want to stay with Papi and Miss Belinda," Marina said.
Everyone stared at Marina. To hear her voice was like that was startling after weeks of silence and one or two words at the most once every few days.
"Tomorrow," Cedro said tousling her curls.
At the hotel, Erik called Calista on Skype and informed her they had all made it safe. She was in London for her TV show.
"How is she?" Calista asked.
Erik saw the genuine concern on his ex-wife's face.
"It's bad. She's in a coma. They don't know how long—"
"Hey, Muffin! Deucy!" Calista said as Marina came into his section of the small suite with Deuce.
They sat on Erik's bed staring down at his laptop.
"I gave Sugar my doll…Lacy," Marina said.
Calista's mouth fell open but she quickly acted like Marina's talking was no big deal.
"I'm sure she's going to get better fast with Lacy staying with her. That was thoughtful of you to share her with Sugar."
Marina nodded.
"How are you doing, Deuce?"
"Better now that we're here. I hope she wakes up soon," he said.
"What happens if she doesn't wake up soon?" Marina asked.
"She will," Calista reassured her.
"Sometimes people don't—"
"She will, Marina," Erik said.
"Her friend died, Mommy," Marina said.
Calista stared at Erik with shocked eyes.
"He drowned," Deuce said.
"Sugar could've drowned," Marina said.
"Hey, how about we get some sleep so we can visit Sugar tomorrow?" Yvette said.
She stood in the doorway of the bedroom and Erik was grateful for the distraction.
"Sugar is my best friend and I don't want her to die. It's my fault!" Marina shrieked.
She burst into tears and Erik pulled her into a hug away from the laptop.
"How is it your fault?" Deuce asked, his face distressed.
"It's all my fault!"
Marina grew hysterical and Yvette rushed over to help Erik calm her. Calista did her best to soothe their daughter on the screen but nothing worked.
"Marina! Listen to me. You have to tell us what's wrong," Erik begged.
He held her head back gently and stroked her forehead. Her eyes were like swollen dark berries and there was snot in her nose. Her lips trembled and he could feel her entire body shake.
"Please baby girl, let us help you."
Deuce reached out and held her hand.
"Sugar left you because of me. I made her go away and she got hurt. Just like Mommy tried to kill herself because of me!"
"What are you talking about, honey?" Calista said.
Erik could see Calista shaking with her own stress as tears spilled from her lids because of Marina's wailing.
Their daughter took deep breaths and Erik helped her sit up with her back against his chest as she faced the laptop. Yvette sat next to Erik's hip with Deuce on his other side. His daughter was surrounded.
"I heard your friend Peyton over the phone tell you that I liked Sugar better than you and that's why…that's why you tried to kill yourself after Deuce found out about…Daddy."
Calista's face showed confusion.
"I heard her after me and Deuce talked to you at Daddy's house. I was hanging up the phone when you said bye to me and Peyton was mad at you and started yelling about its Sugar's fault that I liked her better and it made you sad…and you took pills…"
"Mom, is that true?" Deuce asked.
"I thought I hung up my phone all the way. I put it down and I was excited about the show and talking to you and Marina, and Peyton was there…and…Marina…Deuce…I didn't try to kill myself. I had an accident with my medicine and your father helped me. I'm fine—"
"Mom…"
Deuce leaned in toward the laptop.
"She's telling the truth. She had a bad reaction to her medicine and it's all straightened out now," Erik said.
"I would never hurt myself, honey. I love you both too much. Marina…Muffin…is that why you stopped talking?" Calista asked.
Marina nodded her head.
"I thought liking Sugar made you upset and want to hurt yourself. And then when Sugar got hurt…"
"None of this is your fault…Marina…look at me."
Calista's voice was warm but firm.
"Nothing that me or Sugar or anyone else does is your fault. You misheard something Peyton said that isn't true. Sugar getting hurt has nothing to do with you not liking her anymore or anything negative you may be thinking is your fault. She is your friend. I know she loves you. I'm your Mom, and I love you too. I am so sorry that you were in all this pain for so long because of Peyton. I wish you would've talked to me about it. I could've told you how wrong you were about it all."
"I didn't want to upset you. I thought it would make you hurt yourself again."
Calista rested her cheek on her hand.
"Muffin…oh my little Muffin. I want you and Deuce to know that I am very happy now. For myself, and believe it or not…for your Dad too. Divorce is tough and I know I have not handled it or anything else well—"
"Me neither," Erik chimed in.
"God…we were so scared wondering why you wouldn't speak. I'm sorry, Marina. It was all a big mistake and misunderstanding and a rotten luck situation."
"You are really okay, right?" Deuce asked.
"Yes, Deuce."
Calista looked at Marina again.
"Sugar is going to get better, and then we can tell her what happened together, okay? I know she wants to talk with you and do fun stuff with you again—"
"I hurt her feelings, though. I didn't want to—"
"You can tell her when she wakes up. She's going to need a buddy to help her get better. Right?" Calista said with a wide positive smile.
Marina nodded her head and wiped her eyes.
"I'm so happy you're talking to us, Muffin. I missed that part of you," Calista said.
"I'm sorry. I was scared of saying the wrong thing."
"You said nothing wrong," Calista insisted.
Calista's eyes stared at all of them.
"Get some sleep and call me when you are rested and know more. Please let Sugar's parents know she's in my prayers."
"I will," Erik said.
"Deuce…are you okay?" she asked.
He nodded.
"I'm glad we know what's up with motor mouth," Deuce said punching Marina softly in the shoulder.
"Deuce, I'm good. Talk with your Dad if you have questions about anything, okay?"
"I will, Mom."
"Erik, keep me posted. Text me a message and leave me a voicemail if I don't answer my phone. We're doing a week here all over London and then I'm back in Burbank for voiceover work."
"Okay."
"Yvette…thank you. For everything," Calista said.
Yvette sat up with watery eyes. She nodded her head.
"Have a good trip over there. I'll text you too as we get more information," Yvette said.
"I hate that this is happening. Get some sleep and we'll all talk later. Love you!"
Calista blew a ton of kisses before she ended their Skype chat.
Erik brushed hair back from Marina's face.
"No more secrets?"
"No more," she said.
"Tell us about whatever is hurting you," Deuce chimed in with bossy authority.
"Okay."
"To bed," Erik said standing up.
"Can I sleep in here with you and Deuce?"
"You don't want to sleep with me?" Yvette whined.
"Not tonight," Marina said.
"Okay, tomorrow then. I'm happy to hear that chipmunk voice again."
"You have a chipmunk voice too," Marina teased back.
Yvette kissed both of Marina's hands and then she squeezed Erik's shoulder.
"Night. Night Deuce."
Yvette wandered out and Erik stared at his children.
"This has been tough, huh?"
They both nodded at him.
"Scary," Marina said.
"Will Sugar surf again?" Deuce asked.
"She will. How soon depends on her recovery."
"Will she lose her sponsor?"
"Let's talk after we all sleep."
The children were knocked out by the time Belinda and Cedro arrived back with Stacey.
"Still the same," Belinda told him and Yvette.
Erik tried not to toss and turn too much while Deuce and Marina snoozed next to him, but he stayed restless and worried about Sugar's future.
What would become of her career?
