Trigger warning: Panic Attack
"YOU WHAT?!" yelled Blaise.
Blaise's was lying on his bed and Theo was on his bed when Draco burst into the room pacing back and forth.
"I asked her to be my fake girlfriend" replied Draco, ashamed.
"Why?" asked Theo.
"I don't know to be honest" Draco replied. "It kind of just came out and to be honest I want to get Pansy off my arse."
"So you're using her?" Blaise queried raising an eyebrow.
"What- no" Draco sputtered. "You're making me sound like a horrible person right now Blaise."
"Well you kind of are" said Theo, earning a glare from Draco.
"I mean he isn't wrong."
"You ignore her for weeks and then you suddenly want to talk to her and when you talk to her your asking her for a favor and guilt tripping her into doing it for you. Your not exactly painting the best picture of yourself" explained Blaise.
Draco groaned out loud. "Well thanks now I know she fucking hates me."
"She doesn't hate you" chimed in Theo, "she most likely just fucking confused."
"Yeah" agreed Blaise, "but what are you planning to do with this? Are you going to proceed in fake dating?"
"I don't know, maybe. I mean what I said was true. I really do want to get Pansy off my arse" Draco said recalling his conversation with Adeleine. "You want to know what Wood told me?"
"You probably shouldn't call her Wood if your going to be dating" Theo noticed.
Draco nodded slowly. He had never called her by her first name and now that they were whatever they were it seemed so intimate. Name calling, intimate?
To Draco it seemed like a next step into a relationship where they were no where close to. He always called her Wood and she always called him Malfoy. The only time that he had heard her call his name was when she was talking about the constellation Draco.
It was music to his ears.
"What did Addy tell you?" Blaise asked.
Draco inwardly cringed at the nickname Addy. He knew that all of her friends called her Addy as a nickname or a way to shorten her original name since her name was a mouth full. He couldn't help but be somewhat jealous of the developing friendships of both his friends.
Even if Blaise was gay and dating Longbottom Draco still felt a pang of jealousy towards Blaise. It was worse towards Theo since Theo saw her everyday and they hung out extremely often. Theo always assured that they were nothing more than friends, but it didn't stop him from wanting to bash Theo's head into the wall whenever he saw the two together.
"She told me that Parkinson has been taking pictures of me without me knowing and has been stalking me when I do patrols. It's fucking weird and honestly I'm starting to be concerned for my safety."
"Jesus christ" Blaise commented, "Theo you sure you want to fancy her?"
Draco turned to Theo wide-eyed like he was crazy and had three heads. Theo glared at Blaise and Blaise gave a sorry look to Theo. Theo sighed, his secret was out.
"You fancy the crazy bitch?" asked Draco, shocked, but mostly appalled.
Who could like her?
She was fucking insane. A batshit crazy bitch.
Draco was tempted to call her crazier than his deceased aunt Bellatrix.
Pansy was to Draco like Bellatrix was to Voldemort.
Theo rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Kinda, but I think I'll be able to get over it soon."
Draco and Blaise both raised an eyebrow. Blaise knew that Theo was lying and had fancied Pansy ever since fourth year during the Tri-Wizard Tournament.
Blaise never knew why Theo would ever be attracted to such a thing, but to each their own he supposed.
It wasn't that Pansy was unattractive because she was gorgeous. People only called her a pug-face to annoy her even though she was nothing of the sort.
It was her personality that drew everyone away and repelled everyone. It was obvious the girl was obsessed with Draco Malfoy. Even a blind man could see it, but it was her unbearably high pitched voice and the fact that she would go as far as stalking someone.
There were a lot of things not to like about Pansy Parkinson and everyday Pansy added another thing to the list. Pansy was unpredictable. That was the problem.
She never ceased to surprise anyone with the lengths that she was willing to go to, to get Draco to date her. Obviously they never worked, but it still impressed some people of her commitment to him.
It definitely did not impress Draco. It only made him hate her more and to be honest, he was a bit scared of her. They had dated in the past for a few months back in the third year.
Even though he had broken up with her, she still continued to pine after him like a lost puppy dog. He didn't mind at first and honestly liked the attentions girls had been giving him, but Pansy had become far to obsessed.
Pansy's love for Draco was bigger than his own ego.
That was frightening.
"Since when?" asked Draco, honestly concerned for his friends mental wellbeing.
"Fourth year" Theo answered quietly, ashamed of himself.
"Why?" Draco asked confused.
"I don't fucking know. She's pretty and in fourth year she was actually kind of a sweet girl. It's in sixth year that she had gotten fucking unbearable" explained Theo. "When you stopped fucking her during sixth year to get more time to work on the task. But I don't know I guess the feelings still haven't gone away."
"If I'd have known" Draco started.
Theo nodded.
"Then I would have checked you into a fucking mental institution."
Theo glared at his blond haired friend. Blaise snorted earning a glare from Theo as well. The two friends ended up breaking into fits of laughter, while Theo watched them with no amusement.
"Look mate" Blaise said putting a sympathetic hand on Theo's shoulder, "my best advice to you is get out of their while you can because I don't think she done obsessing over Draco here."
"I know- gosh" Theo sighed putting his face in his hands. "I fucking hate myself."
"Don't say that" Blaise cooed.
"Mate, if I fancied her I would hate myself to" joked Draco, but in all seriousness he would probably kill himself if he knew.
"Not the time" Blaise stated sternly to Draco.
Draco knew to shut up in the moment because his friend was truly beating himself up for fancying a girl. To be fair Pansy wasn't bad looking which is one of the reasons that he used her as one of his usual shags, but she was a crazy bitch.
He had stopped shagging her during the war. She was so clingy and never understood the concept of no and rejection.
"Why here of all people?" Theo sighed flopping backside onto his bed.
"You can't choose who you love mate" Blaise said. "If I did then I would probably still be in the closet right now."
Theo gave a weak laugh at the attempted joke, but still wasn't feeling any better. Fuck, he just needed to go somewhere else for a while.
Running from his problems, like he always did. Ever since he was younger he'd run away from his problems.
In his youth he wasn't friends with Draco and could even be labeled as timid. In his first few years of Hogwarts he was mostly antisocial. It wasn't until Draco and him bonded over quidditch and the fact that they were blood prejudice.
So from then on they were friends, but whenever a problem was thrown at Theo, he didn't like facing it. When he was becoming a death eater, he accepted it his fate, not doing anything about it. He did what he had to do to survive, but that was it. The bare minimum.
There was only one thing in the world that gave him any sort of euphoria. Only one substance that could just let his mind stop wallowing in self hatred for just a second and feel some sort of happiness.
The worst part of it all was the one thing that he was trying to stay away from was the one ting that he needed most right now.
God it was awful.
Drugs
He wanted- no needed drugs.
Fuck it was awful.
He had been getting so much better and had been feeling so much better. All of a sudden when something made him feel bad, even the tiniest thing, all he wanted to do was get high. He wanted to get has high as a kite, not remember anything into the next day.
He wanted to feel calm. He wanted all his problems to go away. And how did he solve that?
Drugs
Lots and lots of drugs
Theo rubbed his growing headache. He felt it in his body. It was hard to deal with withdrawal, but his body had grown used to the weeks without them.
"Fuck" he muttered.
"What?" asked Blaise who didn't hear him.
Theo had gotten so lost in his thoughts that he even forgot that Blaise and Draco were with him.
"Fuck I need Addy" he rasped out making Draco snap his head.
"What do you mean you need Wood?" he seethed through his teeth.
He was in a jealous rage. It wasn't what Theo had intended it to mean, but it sounded all wrong when it came out of his mouth. Theo grimaced as he watched Draco's face contort into a snarl and his upper lip curl.
"Fuck fuck fuck" he muttered, rubbing his already throbbing headache. His breathing pace was increasing and his chest was heaving.
"Theo what's happening?" Blaise asked.
"What do you mean you need Wood?" Draco snarled, repeating himself.
Theo shook his head frantically. "N-Not what your thinking. Fuck- I need her here right now."
"I think he's having a panic attack" yelled Blaise. "Jesus fuck- Theo!"
Blaise rushed over to Theo by his side, putting a hand on his back. "How do I do this?" Blaise questioned. "Fuck we need Addy."
"Go get her Draco!" Blaise commanded.
"You don't tell me what to fucking-"
"DRACO! Our friend is having a fucking panic attack and you want to talk about your ego" Blaise yelled.
"Fine" Draco got up from the bed. "I'll go get here, you stay with Theo."
"YEAH NO SHIT" he yelled as Draco made his way out of the door.
Theo was breathing rapidly, his chest rising and falling. His breaths were getting shallow, like he was running out of breath. Theo could barely think.
He had forgotten why he was having a panic attack in the first place, but it didn't stop the flooding emotions of self hatred he felt. He needed to take it away.
Now drugs seemed to simple. It was would only take away the pain for a little while. Maybe he just needed to take it away it all permanently. Remove himself from the picture.
"Theo- Theo stay with me" Blaise said, rubbing the small of his back to attempt to soothe him.
Theo's eyes were closed as he tried to pace his breathing, but it wasn't working. Somehow it was making his breathing more rapid and making him panic more.
"Fuck I hope Addy gets here in time" Blaise said. "Think about good things Theo. I don't know like fucking rainbows and unicorns."
Theo let out a breathy chuckle as Blaise tried to lighten the mood. God Blaise was awful at this, but it was at least something keeping all the shit off his mind.
"Just keep talking Blaise" Theo gasped out, maintaining his breathing.
"Like my voice that much huh" Blaise joked, "sorry Theo, but I'm a taken man."
"Keep going."
"You sound like your getting off to the sound of my voice."
Theo rolled his eyes to this one, but couldn't help it as his face turned into a grin. God Blaise was infuriating at times, but he was one you could always count on to make you laugh and air out any awkwardness in a room.
Just then Addy burst into the room, Malfoy trailing right behind her.
