I rushed into Theo and Blaise's bedroom, zooming there as fast as I could.

Draco had frantically ran around the school trying to look for me. I was in the library, obviously, and thought he was going to speak to me about that fake dating thing, but it seemed that we had bigger problems on our hands.

Goddrick, I couldn't have ran any faster than I have ever ran.

I burst open the door, Draco was catching up with me from behind. I quickly rushed over to Theo who had his head in his lap and was rocking back and forth.

Theo never had panic attacks around me. For as long as we'd been friends, which was about a month, he never had panic attacks. Sure, he struggled with withdrawal and his hands would sometimes twitch as his body adjusted without the presence of drugs, but never had panic attacks.

This was serious.

Draco hadn't explained much, just saying that Theo had gotten a panic attack all of a sudden and they needed me right away.

It was kind of disappointing that he wasn't coming to talk to me about, well whatever the fuck was going on with us, but we had other problems to worry about. That could wait.

"Theo Theo" I said, right next to him. "Hey hey hey I'm here."

His breathing slowed and I put my hands on his chest, over his chart to check his heart beat.

"Listen to me Theo" I cooed hypnotically. "Listen to my voice, follow my breathing."

Theo's breaths started to slow down, syncing with mine. I lifted his face up from his lap, there were tear lines on his cheeks and his eyes were bloodshot and puffy.

"I need-" he huffed out.

"What do you need Theo?" I asked softly.

"D-Drug" he answered and I scoffed.

"Hell no Theo" I said at the least harsh tone possible. "No way."

I turned to Draco. "Get me some tea, herbal please."

"Don't fucking-" Draco started, getting cut off by Blaise.

"Keep that ego in check" Blaise warned watching me dealing with Theo.

"Fine" Draco walked out of the room to get some tea to try and soothe Theo.

"Just- fuck get me some drugs. I'll feel fine after that" Theo breathed. His breaths were slowing down and his rising of his chest was pacing itself.

"You okay Theo?" I asked.

"My head- fuck it hurts like a bitch" he groaned, now clutching his forehead.

"Lay back" I instructed him.

He did as I said, moving his body to fully lay down on his bed. His head hit the pillow and he closed his eyes, trying to control the throbbing in his head. He groaned as his body began to soothe and relax on his bed.

Draco came in a few seconds with a tray. On top of the tray was a large pot of steaming hot tea and a few tea cups. There was a bowl of sugar and a small pitcher of milk.

I was caressing Theo's forehead, checking his temperature. He wasn't sick, but he was sweating excessively from the rapid breathing. His eyes were closed as if he was in a deep sleep which was when she head him snore.

"I got tea and the bastard fell asleep" Draco complained which made me roll my eyes.

"He needs some sleep" she wiped the hair off his forehead. "Do you know what the cause of the panic attack was?"

"Not really" Draco answered. "To be honest I was barely paying attention to our conversation."

Well Draco was useless. "Blaise?"

This snapped Blaise out of his daze, turning to me. "Oh sorry" he shook his head, adjusting his vision again. "Repeat that?"

"Do you know what caused the panic attack?" I repeated.

"I think he was just stressed and he was talking about how he hated himself and stuff. I tried to comfort him, but everything just got worse and he was breathing heavily. Then he kept talking about how he needed you and that he really wanted drugs" explained Blaise.

"Why was he hating himself?" I asked.

"It had something to do with his crush on Parkinson. I think he was embarrassed and that triggered it."

"Okay" I nodded watching Theo snore softly in his sleep. "Can you guys make sure he doesn't get any nightmares and if he does than wake him and give him some sleep draught."

Both of the boys nodded.

"Want some tea?" asked Draco. "Might as well drink some."

"Sure."

I walked over to the tray, pouring myself a cup of tea and putting some milk with two sugar cubes. I turned to Blaise who had an eyebrow up at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Milk? In tea?"

"Yeah why not."

"It's just so weird" he commented.

"Not really, I mean have you ever tried boba?" I asked.

Boba was a muggle drink with little tapioca pearls and milk tea. It's one of my favorite drinks and has different flavors. My favorite is thai ice tea with boba.

"What's that?" he asked.

I forgot he was a pureblood and didn't know much about the muggle world. Draco also looked at me, seemingly intrigued with the conversation about muggle products.

"It's a muggle drink."

"What does it taste like?" asked Blaise.

"There are different flavors, but it's basically milk tea- flavored or regular- and inside it has these little black balls called tapioca" I explained and they both furrowed their brows.

"Tapioca? As in the plant?" Draco asked.

"Yeah" I answered with a nod.

"That's-" he said trying to find the world without being insulting, "interesting."

I raised an eyebrow. "How do you know about this drink?"

"My father was a muggle and up until I was 6 we lived as muggles. Then we got our letters and stuff, but my mums a witch."

"So your a halfblood?" asked Blaise.

"Is that a problem?" I crossed my arms, challenging the stupid prejudice beliefs of pureblood superiority.

"No" Blaise put his hands up in defense, "not at all?"

"Better not be" I growled under my breath and I swear I heard Malfoy chuckle a bit.

"So what now?" asked Blaise sipping the last of his tea. I looked around the room awkwardly, avoiding Malfoy's eyes.

The air all of a sudden became tense and awkward. I smiled awkwardly at Blaise and he chuckled under his breath.

I was friends with Blaise of course, but it was just awkward with the whole 'fake dating' thing that had transpired out of nowhere and then Theo's panic attack. It was all so confusing.

The tension could be sliced with a knife considering none of us wanted to address the elephant in the room. Blaise seemed slightly amused by our discomfort and continued watching the two of us while sipping his tea gingerly.

Wanting to be productive, I walked up to Theo who stirred a little, but remained sleeping peacefully.

"He was asking for drugs right?" I asked.

Blaise nodded. "Yeah a lot actually like it was the only thing that could help him. Why is that?"

"It's cause Theo knows that drugs make him feel like there is no care in the world. He wants that feeling. It's like he's floating on a cloud and he thinks drugs will do that for him. It won't by the way- it will just kill him faster" I answered.

"Then why does he want it so much?" Blaise asked.

"It's psychological" I explained with hand gestures. "It's like he knows it is bad for him, but wants to keep doing it because of the euphoric feeling he gets. It takes away the pain from him and he feels like he's on Cloud-Nine when he takes them. It's an addiction."

"But I thought he was getting better" questioned Blaise.

"He is, definitely. He's made a lot of progress, but he was heavily addicted Blaise. His body hasn't fully gotten used to the feeling without drugs in his system so it's trying to adjust. It's called the withdrawal process and it can be gruesome for many."

I motioned to Theo's hands. His fingernails were chipped and bitten to the point where it seemed like he was going to bite off his fingers.

"This is one of Theo's symptoms. It's different for everyone and this is how Theo deals with it. By demolishing his fingers. It keeps him somewhat sane" I said.

Blaise furrowed his brows as he tried to process the new information. "Are there people in the school like him?"

"Absolutely" I answered.

I had my fair deal of people with drug addictions or people that wanted to stop using drugs, but couldn't seem to. There were many people in the school that during the war used drugs to cope and take all the realities of the war away.

"So people in Hogwarts have gone through what Theo has" Blaise questioned and I nodded in response, checking Theo's temperature as he moved under the covers.

"How many?" Draco asked. He was so silent that I almost forgot he was in the room. I guess he just chose to sit and observe rather than be the obnoxious pompous git he usually is. It was refreshing.

"You'd be surprised how many" I answered, not giving him an exact number.

"Like a specific number."

"I'm not sure exactly. Out of the school I'd say 40 to 50%" I said, squinting my eyes and showing my teeth in thought.

"Wow" Blaise said like a truth bomb had been blown up at him. "That's a lot."

I nodded. "The war fucked up a lot of people, Blaise and many people used drugs as their coping method."

"But why drugs?"

"Cause not everybody has people that they trust and can open up to. Like take Theo for example: he has a terrible father who is never around and who forced him to become a death eater. Theo's obviously not going to talk to him."

"Yeah no shit" Blaise said.

"And then there's Theo's mom. For one she's fatally ill and second of all it's an ego thing. Boys and men like you want to appear strong in front of womanly figures and you won't talk to them about your feelings. I mean" I gestured to Draco, "Did you talk to your mom about your feelings."

"No not at all" Draco answered. "I didn't want her to worry."

"See."

"Then why didn't he just come to us. Does he not trust us?" asked Blaise, a little hurt and offended.

"It's not that he doesn't trust you, because believe me he does. It's just, for one he didn't want to burden you guys with his problems and he didn't want to appear weak. To him you and Blaise were seemingly doing fine during the war and you guys looked like you handled it all very well while Theo was crumbling inside. You guys just made it so easy and looked like going through the war was a fucking breeze."

Blaise and Draco nodded, looking over sympathetically at their sleeping friend. They hated themselves that they hadn't been there for Theo when he needed them and couldn't offer the help he needed.

"But why drugs of all things? Couldn't he just beat things with a bat or pelt bludgers" Blaise asked.

"Well back then he looked at drug like a friend, right" I said and Blaise looked at me like I was crazy. "Okay I need to explain this better."

"Well since you guys weren't there he needed to take the edge off. So he began to smoke and it wasn't like an everyday thing, smoking. It became worse and worse as he realized he loved the feeling that getting high gave him and wanted something stronger. Then he probably got a dealer or someone to introduce him to more powerful drugs like dried gillyweed and such."

"Okay that makes sense, I guess" Blaise said, processing everything.

"See you should just follow a career as a therapist" commented Draco.

"Yeah maybe" I replied honestly.

I mean I liked the feeling in being able to help people with their problems and other things. It was a sense of accomplishment that I got.

"It's getting late" I said checking the clock they had in their dorm. "I should get going. I'll be back tomorrow morning."

And with that I walked out of the door, saying my goodbyes to both Blaise and Draco.