So... I started watching Gotham. I've become so obsessed with Batman to the point of it being unhealthy.

Jason: it wasn't already?

Tim: there are so many stories in here that I've never heard of.

Damian: I've heard of almost none of these.

Where's Dick?

Jason: he's busy doing... something. Idk, he didn't tell us.

Tim: only YOU could say 'idk' in speech and make it make sense.

Jason: I'll take that as a compliment.


Dick opened his eyes with a groan. He glanced at his alarm clock.

And then he sat up with a startled yelp, banging his hand on the bedside table, freaking out about that, and then falling off the bed. He shot back up like a bullet and practically shoved his face back in the alarm clock face to make sure he saw it right.

9 in the morning?!

He climbed off of his bed and ran over to the window to make sure his clock wasn't just broken.

Oh, shipping containers…

The sun was nice and up, a slightly gray hue to the sky. He turned around and ran downstairs. He was startled to find Kate, Luke, Duke, Damian, and Tim all sitting together on or around the couch.

But he didn't see Jason anywhere.

He shot down the rest of the stairs, bolted for the door, and threw it open, just to make sure the sky was really what it seemed.

Yep. It really was daytime.

He turned back around and walked into the room with everyone else, a very confused and concerned look on his face.

"I overslept?" he asked. That had never happened to him before… something must have happened.

Tim flinched as if being hit.

"Actually, you headed out last night," he said. He shrugged nonchalantly, but his eyes betrayed his concern. "Took a beating, along with Hood. You alright?"

Dick frowned at him in confusion.

"I… don't remember going out?" he said. Tim's already concerned frown grew deeper. Damian pointed to his stomach.

"Looks like the wound opened back up," he said. Dick rubbed the spot Damian pointed to and brought his hand up to his face.

There was blood.

Ok, so, he went out last night, took a bad beating that left him injured and unconscious, and he didn't even remember it. Something Tim had said was-

His eyes widened in horror.

"Is Jason alright?" he asked. Kate scoffed and waved an indignant hand.

"He's fine," she said. She gestured upstairs. "Still out. Alfred let you guys sleep in."

Tim came back into the room (Dick didn't even realized he had left) with some bandages. Dick silently went over to the Story Chair and watched Tim as he redressed the wound.

"So, I hear you've been busy," Duke said. Dick smiled at him and nodded.

"Yeah," he said. "We've been retelling a bunch of classic stories."

"What's next on your list?" Luke asked. Dick thought for a moment.

"The Giant who Counted Carrots," he said. He felt Tim stiffen up a little bit. Dick smirked at him. Yes, it was always the ones they didn't know.

"Should we wait for Jason?" Tim asked. Damian also reentered the room (seriously, when had he left?) carrying a plate of bacon and eggs. He set it on Dick's lap and made himself comfortable on the couch.

"What could he possibly miss?" he asked. Tim sighed, shook his head, and continued wrapping the bandages around Dick's torso.

Once upon a time, there was a sleepy giant named…

Dick went silent for a moment, thinking.

Nygma.

Tim coughed into his elbow, halting in his wrapping of the bandages. Dick could swear that he saw a smile on his face.

Whenever he fell asleep, he would sleep for one hundred years. WILLINGLY. Eat your heart out, Aurora.

Anyway, whenever he slept, the world would change dramatically. One moment, he was a herdsman who was poor. Next thing he knew, he was stupid rich and a farmer, but he was betrayed by his servants. It seemed as though he always fell asleep when life was hitting him hard.

Dick flinched slightly as Tim finished bandaging him. He stood up and put his material away, coming back into the room and sitting down beside Damian.

The last time he woke up, he decided to wander around. He climbed down the mountain that he lived on and came upon a small rock pool with a tiny waterfall. There were three girls there. Their names were Cass, Steph, and Barbara. Now, since Steph and Babs have had a LOT of screentime, let's make Cass the star of the show.

Cass was supposed to marry some duke in the next few days. Nygma didn't know that, and he didn't care. In his mind, she was beautiful and now she was taken.

Damian made a face at this. Dick nodded slowly, glad the girls weren't here. He kind of liked his head where it was.

Nygma decided he wanted to marry the girl. When the three had left, he covered the stone under the water with white marble to create a shimmering, shiny effect. The original story says that he lined the pool with silver, but I don't know how he did that, so let's skip to the golden fish and multiple flowers and the hiding.

"And no, the fish did NOT grant any wishes," Dick said. Tim and Damian snickered and rolled their eyes.


Jason was lying on his bed, hand on his stomach and eyes on the ceiling.

Last night was too close a call.

He turned on his side and silently cursed Dick. He could have handled those guys.

Granted, he was heavily outnumbered, and a little bit of help never hurt anybody… too bad. And, sure, maybe Batman saved his life last night because he didn't see the guy with the knife…

But it was still stupid of him, what he did. Jason frowned to himself, thinking of the bomb… the pillar…

Stop. Stop thinking. Just lie there.

He took his advice and rolled onto his other side, putting his arm over his eyes. He tried his hardest not to think about Dick tackling him and the pillar.

He growled a little bit and sat up. Yeah, he wasn't going to be able to lie there silently. He needed to move, to do something, anything, just to stop thinking about last night.

He stood up and made his way to the window, picking up his helmet from where he had carelessly tossed it on the floor the previous night. He slid it on his head, opened the window, and hopped out, landing softly on the grass and sprinting across the lawn.


Dick rubbed his arm slightly. It was tingling, as if it had fallen asleep. He hoped it wasn't anything to worry about.

The girls showed up back at the pond the next day. They were amazed by the sights the giant had left. Barbara and Steph wandered off to explore the changes in the area, but Cass stayed and looked inside the pond, admiring the fish.

"Dang… those are some nice golden fish," she said to herself. "Very pleasantly distracting."

"Trap!" Tim and Damian shouted at the same time. Kate nodded in agreement, Duke rolled his eyes, and Luke giggled slightly. Dick smiled at all of them.

Yep, it's a trap! Hands shot out of the water and grabbed her, bringing her inside the pond. The rest of the dazzling sights disappeared, and Barbara and Steph looked into the pond, not seeing her anywhere.

Everyone's eyes were wide in shock. That was the smoothest kidnapping that had occurred in ANY of Dick's stories. And, come to think of it, there was a fair amount of kidnapping.

The duck that she was supposed to marry-

"The duck?" Tim interrupted. "You mean the 'duke', right?"

Dick frowned at him.

"Did I say duck?"

"Yes, you said duck," Duke said. Dick's face grew a little red, Luke's giggling turning into barely contained laughter.

"Oh… well, I meant the duke…" Dick said. Luke put his hands over his mouth to muffle his laughter.

The DUKE she was supposed to marry wandered around the countryside looking for Cass, but he couldn't seem to find her anywhere.

Meanwhile, Nygma tried his hardest to get Cass to enjoy her time in his captivity. He gave her a magic wand thing that could turn anything it touched into an animal.

Damian perked up at this. He tried his hardest to hide it, but Dick could see the excited glint in his eye that screamed about his desire to own that wand.

She enjoyed it for a little while, but she still missed her home. One day, Nygma decided to show her his carrot farm.

"How many carrots are there?" Cass asked him. Nygma shrugged.

"How am I supposed to know?" he asked. "I just farm them."

"Could you count?" she asked. Nygma, in his stupidity, actually bent down and started counting them. Cass snuck off, plucking a carrot and turning it into a horse with her magic stick. She hopped on, rode off, found the duke who will remain unnamed, married him, and lived happily ever after.

Now, this is where the story creates a touch of sympathy for the giant. You see, when she was gone, the giant went back to sleep. But when 100 years passed, he didn't wake up. Another hundred years passes, but he still didn't wake up. Eventually, moss and land started growing on him, and to this day, if you go by a bunch of carrots and see a giant hill shaped almost like a man, you'll know that that's where the giant resides, still sleeping and refusing to wake up.

"The End," Dick said. Luke frowned sympathetically for the giant.

"Is this based on a real myth?" he asked. Dick nodded.

"Yeah. The people who told it to me were SURE that he was real," he said. Tim sighed.

"That's too bad," he said. Kate nodded.

"Yeah… but he deserved it for kidnapping a girl," she said. Dick snapped his fingers.

"That's what I forgot to include!" he exclaimed.

Nygma only wanted Cass to stay with him because he was very, very lonely. So when she left, he was even more lonely, and that's why he didn't wake up.

"Way to make it more depressing, Dick," Duke said. Dick smiled brightly at him.

"Not the worst story on the roster," he said. "It'll come up eventually. But, for now, we've got The Mermaid of Zennor."


Jason: angst.

Tim: wow.

You're having fun, aren't you?

Jason: yes. Yes, I am.

Dick: hey guys.

Jason: yay! Dickie's back!

Damian: where were you? You missed the entire chapter!

Dick: sorry, had to go take care of something. What'd I miss?

Tim: blood.

Dick: ah. Continue.