Thanks to Ally R. Swan and jd96 for reviewing.
Hello i'm so sorry for not updating in months. From the middle of November on I've been working on oneshots, and several of them I'd started in 2012/2013. Anyway. Now those are finished. And now, as we're in 2021 I'm getting back to working on my stories as I usually do.
If there'll be a long A/N for this chapter? I just wanted to say that since the last chapter I finished a story and started some. And I'm not going to list them, if you're interested in them you can just go on my profile. But I just want to brag some about aaaaaaallllllllll the oneshots I've written.
So, these are the ones I've put up lately. As you can see there are some.
-If only I could find the answer- Cobra Kai
-Words I couldn't say, feelings I couldn't- Cobra Kai (In memory of Pat Morita and written for Epilepsy/ seizure/ SUDEP awareness)
-Could this really be the truth?- Cobra kai (AU from right after the end of s2)
-Different son, different dad- Cobra Kai
-The forgotten kitchen towel- O. C.
-Give my heart a break- The dumping ground
-Crazy famous wolfmoon- Harry Potter
-Second chances I never thought I'd have- Julie and the phantoms
-Secrets kept- Harry Potter
-Without you I'm in pain- Twilight
-A wealth bigger than all- Ghost whisperer
-All I want for Christmas- Annie (In memory of Ann Reinking and Albert Finney)
-Some things change, some do not- Julie and the phantoms
-Parents and children- Julie and the phantoms
I was a bit obsessed with Cobra Kai for a while.
Well, now we're here and happy new year. Hopefully 2021 won't be as bad as 2020 was for the whole world.
"Ryan. You don't need to keep this things secret to us…"
When we had finally realized Frank wouldn't be coming earlier today what we said kept playing over and over in my mind.
"…maybe we won't be able to help you. But you shouldn't be alone…"
I and Kirsten both knew that it was something Seth had known and been taught since the day he was born.
"…that's what we're here for."
It just made my heart hurt to know that even after the time that had passed since December it wasn't as simple and obvious to Ryan or anyone else that came from his world.
Suddenly I flinched awake and my eyes flew open.
After thinking about what we had gone through and Ryan's dad during the afternoon and last night we had gone to bed and I didn't know if I'd lie awake again. But I must have anyway because I had dreamt about that wave so often ever since we left Thailand…
Without thinking something else but the dream had woken me up I sent a look towards the clock…
03: 21
With something in between a sigh and a yawn I fell back towards the pillows again and turned on my other side…
Barely did I have the time to lie down until another ring went through the house- someone was ringing on the doorbell.
Whether it woke Seth or Kirsten up I didn't know. But I had to get up and on tired, weak legs I stumbled towards the hallway and opened the door.
…I couldn't even bear myself to be surprised.
"Frank?" The man stood right outside the door, swaying and with beer bottle in his hand. "What brings you here at this time of night?"
"I know…" Ryan's father swayed where he stood and when he started talking he only got through two short words until he had to start over from the beginning. "…I know I messed up. I know I said I'd get my son today… And I know I've messed up things through his whole life."
"Maybe…" When Frank stayed swaying I only had one more idea. "Maybe you should sleep some off and then we can talk more in the morning."
"I know… no. I'm going to… leave. Need it short. As fast as possible. I was going to come today and get him but then I realized something. I know I've asked you for it before. But this time I really mean it. Because I realized I'd have to do it for Ryan's sake and not mine."
"What is it that you want us to do?"
I could only hope and think and I wasn't so sure what I did.
"Can Ryan stay with you? Can he like… be a part of your family? Can you like… adopt him?"
So right there, on a dark night in orange county, California. At last that was what Frank Atwood let me here.
All the time since the wave passed by for my inner vision. All the time with Ryan and without him. Frank and what he'd said that I might be something I most certainly wasn't…
The day at work when I had gone to look up adoptions felt like five minutes but a hundred years ago. And only after that then too things had gone up and down and to the right and to the left until none of us- Ryan the very least knew what would happen tomorrow.
"I swear to you now I will not come and change my mind anymore. I really thought through this. And I'm realizing it is what would be the best for my son. And I'm a parent and… that should be what I want to do."
I could have started crying right where I was.
Frank was drunk out of his mind but he was obviously clearer and maybe too wiser than what he'd ever been before.
"If that's what you want…"
"It's what I need."
"…Then we'd be honored to have a boy like Ryan in our family."
"Good…" Frank took another sip from his bottle, but found it empty. "Do you have a beer?" I shook my head. "Damn. I really need to start checking how much is left in these before I leave home…"
"Do you…" I felt like I had to ask even though I didn't want to. "…stay here for the night and talk to Ryan yourself…"
"Nah." Frank threw the empty bottle away from him and it crashed towards the side of the porch. "I think you better talk to him. You're a better person and you're better to Ryan than what I've ever been…"
I couldn't protest against that…
"Just tell him… tell him… I don't even know. He will be better off if you tell him…." Frank looked as if he was about to cry. "Take care of him. Okay? He deserves it… he's a much better person than I have ever been or will ever be."
Now that was true if nothing else.
But it was really like Frank wanted to do the best for Ryan and not for himself at last.
"I should let you get back to sleep. Shouldn't I?"
Frank and I just stared at each other for several seconds, then Frank at last moved. Turned down the street again and was soon out of my sight.
Still I kept on watching the point where he'd disappeared for almost a whole minute.
I had a feeling this would, after everything be the last time I saw him.
At last, not to stand on the porch until someone else had woken up I went into the house and got the floor brush to sweep up all the glass pieces on the porch.
After I finished and every glass piece was thrown in the trash bin I went to sit down on the couch…
I put the TV on and didn't believe I would sleep anymore with trying to figure every little piece with what would have to happen now.
First I'd have to tell Ryan about it.
Then the rest of my family.
Then I'd have to go to work and find a lawyer of the right kind- without fainting this time.
Somewhere in all of the thoughts I must have dozed off. Because the next thing I knew I flinched awake and could hear Kirsten and Seth talking by the breakfast table, while they still tried to keep as silent not to wake me up.
"Good morning guys…" I got up and to the coffee pot. Never would I ever be able to think and talk at the same time without that. "What are you talking about? It sounded like something important."
"We were talking about that it would be nice to get out of here." Seth explained to me. "Go somewhere… Berkeley or somewhere. Just to get out for a bit and then start over…"
I was on my way to say that we couldn't. That going until we had gone to court and started the whole fostering process over.
And Berkeley wasn't far away. We could get both there and back in one day if we so wanted to.
"We wouldn't have to go far. Just somewhere other than this." Seth sighed deeply. "Somewhere I can meet someone who doesn't… blame… me."
Kirsten patted his back. Sure, Seth was and we all were happy that the girl he liked didn't blame him. But what did that matter when the rest of the school were?
"We would only have to go to Berkeley." He said again. "It's not here and that's kind of the point. But it would be nice."
"Berkeley." Kirsten interrupted, obviously agreeing with him. "We really should go to Berkeley. It isn't far away. Fly there and stay… we should show you where we used to live. We wouldn't have to stay for long. We could borrow a car from some old friend and then fly back a couple of days later."
"Could we do that?" Seth asked, more and more excited by the second. "I mean, of course we'd all like Ryan to come with us too. But then, could we do that?"
"Hmmm…" I hesitated for a bit. "…Considering we're not even leaving California it shouldn't be a problem. But I have to check… I'm not promising anything. Okay? I can't promise…"
"Awesome. Can you check it now?"
"I have to…"
"Was it just me…" Kirsten interrupted. "…or was there a ring on the doorbell in the middle of the night?"
"There was a ring on the doorbell in the middle of the night… And there was Francis Atwood and I have to go and talk to Ryan for a bit."
"What did he say? Had he remembered he was going to pick up Ryan yesterday?"
"He did remember… I have to go talk to Ryan first."
Without waiting for Kirsten or Seth to answer I headed for the pool house and knocked on the glass door.
"Yes?" Ryan came to open it. "Ehrm… I… you… what were you thinking about?"
"You don't have to be so polite." I gently led Ryan to go into the pool house and limping on one leg, a crutch and a prosthetic he went to sit down on the bed. "It's enough if you just ask me what I want or what I'm doing here… hrm…" I cleared my throat as to buy myself some time and figure what to say. "Your father paid us a visit. Tonight at half past three…"
"Ehrm… sorry."
"Sorry? You did nothing wrong. Anyway. Obviously he had something to say and what he said sounded… wise." Ryan was sitting by the head of his bed and I went and sat down on the foot of it. "He… He said he wants us to take care of you… That we should… adopt you…"
"Hasn't he said stuff like that before?"
"He did." I nodded. "But this time, he said. He wasn't doing it for himself. He was doing it for you. And it sounded like he figured that we'd be a better family than himself."
All these words sounded so simple and plain. Like I should have bigger ones to explain everything.
"He is right about that though."
"Ryan…." I patted his shoulder as if that would make my words bigger and more real. "…I just… Just always know that while you're with us, in this house. We aren't going to just leave you with someone else and hope for the best… But. As it seemed. Now, at last. Frank had really done some real thinking and as you just said, he might be right."
But whatever they were, and whatever Ryan thought about it he didn't say a word after that. I could still not even imagine what he was feeling. But I guess something in both me and him wanted to get away from Frank all along.
"Kirsten and Seth were talking just now… about getting away. Just for a few days… Of course I wouldn't make you do anything you don't want to. But they were talking about going away and they talked about Berkeley, where we moved from when Seth was little. Berkeley isn't far away. We could get there and back again in less than one day if we wanted that… I couldn't imagine what it must feel like for you right now. But I do know if it was me… I'd just like to get away from it for just a few days at least while… something ends and something new starts."
I did know very well I couldn't imagine how thoughts were spinning in his mind.
That was when I suddenly remembered something.
"We could go away during your birthday… and an adoption is paper work and lawyers back and forth. So it would be nice for you to get away from it for just a few days… for your birthday."
Ryan still didn't answer. The whole pool house was all quiet for a long while before I just knew I would be the one to speak again.
"Look. Ryan. I don't want you to say it's okay just because you think it's what I want to hear. Because I want to hear what you think… we could let Kirsten and Seth go if nothing else… Sorry, I'm going to be quiet now so you can actually answer."
It was all quiet for another long while.
"Would you like some time of your own in here so you can think about things of your own?"
"Hmm…" Ryan thought for another while. "No… I guess…. I mean… Going away for my birthday wouldn't be so bad."
Random fact
I actually wrote most of this chapter, then had everything else written before I decided on how to write the beginning.
