Of You, Me, and Us
Summary: "I like you." When those words left her lips, Botan had expected to hear him utter words of apology. After all, she didn't think he felt the same way about her. She didn't expect Kurama looking straight at her in the eyes before leaning closer to kiss her. And although he didn't say anything, one glance at the expression on his face was enough to tell her: she was his now.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.
Chapter 44: Comfort
Botan woke up with a start, sky blue tendrils matted to various parts of her face as long, thick eyelashes flew open to reveal shocked lavenders, trepidation latent beneath. She took in greedy intakes of air, heart pulsating wildly in high-pitched, speedy thumps as she fought to regain her composure. Remnants of the nightmare from before continued to plague the back of her subconscious as she propped herself up on her elbows before settling her sweat-beaded back against the wooden headboard. Kurama's arm hooked protectively around her waist once more as his grip loosened in time with her movements, and Botan placed a hand on his unruly red mane, absent-mindedly caressing the scarlet tresses as if in an attempt to provide some peace to her nerve-racking mind.
Her fingers twirled around his luscious locks, and Botan heaved a soft, relief-filled sigh at the soothing effect touching his silky hair had on her. He was as comforting to her as she was to him whenever he was haunted by nightmares of his past life.
Despite having been stripped off her ferry girl status for approximately three in a half months already, Botan still couldn't really force herself to forget the life she had formerly led. Being a grim reaper, it was to no wonder that she had taken more lives than all the boys combined. Massacres, victims of a slaughterhouse, gruesome accidents - any type of mishaps befalling the human race anyone could name, she had seen it all. Had even ferried all of their souls to where they rightfully belonged. It had been yet another dream, yet another recollection of her memories that she wished to forget.
"What's the matter?" Kurama's voice spoke to her, tender with a concerned imbue underlying beneath. His question succeeded to bring her out of her reverie.
"It's nothing, Kurama," she responded instead with a reassuring timbre, but a tight smile outlined her lips, giving away her implausible lie. "Go back to sleep," she implored when he sat up as well, removing his right arm from her form, only to wrap his left one around her slim waist.
His fingers squeezed on her supple skin, the action indicating that he had detected her bluff. "You know that's not going to work on me," her suspicions were further confirmed by his stern words, gentle yet firm. "I've known you for a long time. Tell me what's wrong," he beseeched as he reached his free hand up to brush her bangs away from her eyes, his fingers warm and ticklish on her cold skin as he proceeded to tuck the disorderly blue locks sticking to her face to join the rest of her hair.
"I-" she paused for a moment to collect herself when she discerned the slight break in her small voice. She permitted Kurama's warmth to sap into her skin as he cupped her cheek, thumb drawing lazy, soothing circles on the curved flesh. It was calming. "It was another nightmare," she murmured, biting on the tip of her tongue when she nearly choked on a sob. "A group of school kids got trapped during a school lockdown. It was recess when everything happened so they hid inside the toilet, but they were… they were brutally killed by the crazy intruder."
Kurama's features contorted into a deep frown at the story, peridot orbs matching the look on his face as a mixture of pity and worry danced inside them. He didn't like where this was going, but his fingers didn't relent on their commiserating ministrations as he went to skate his hand into her mane, his nails scratching against her scalp in a gentle manner as if to reassure her as she continued,
"It was… I can't describe it, Kurama. How it felt to try and calm down a bunch of children from freaking out after they found out they died. I could still see the pain in their eyes, almost as if they were still hurting even after death. They were- they were kids, about as young as ten and they were scared. It took me hours to get the job done." The dam inside her broke as a violent fits of wails perturbed her level-headedness, her body violently shaking in time with her cries.
The redhead softly pulled her closer as he encased both arms around her to heave her into a tight, comforting embrace. He ran his hand up and down her sky-colored ringlets as he whispered sweet, soothing nothings into her ear, shushing her as her voice cracked and her brutal snivelling grew worse. Compassion ruptured his reserved greens as he noted to himself that her life was understandably harsher than his, even after she had left it all behind to be with him. After all, everything that had taken place was not going to vanish that easily - the memories would remain, so would the scars. Although he had been living a life of holocaust back when he was Youko, Botan used to be a ferry girl - a messenger of Death itself. Whatever destruction he had the displeasure of witnessing, she had feasted her eyes on a lot more bloodbath than himself. Kurama couldn't even begin to imagine the atrocities she had looked on happening in the three realms, but he understood the unfathomable baggage of emotion that came with her line of work.
It was a few minutes before he had finally succeeded to calm her down.
"Sometimes I wonder," she murmured, shutting her trembling lips tight in a silent pause before she continued to mumble, "if they thought of me as a monster. Some souls did, you know? When people look at you like something not deserving of living, sometimes it ends up feeling like it's true."
The frown on Kurama's forehead considerably deepened, before he seized a firm yet tender hold on her shoulders, drawing her apart to look into her watered-filled eyes as he pinned her with a stern stare. "Do not say that. You are anything but a monster. You are kind, sweet, and genuinely helpful to those around you. I've never met anyone as selfless as you."
"But-" The plump flesh of the bottom half of her lips was caught between her teeth as she chewed on the pink skin, "-I would watch, Kurama. Back then, I would know who would die and how they would die. That's how I always managed to arrive before their time of death. But whatever bad thing that was happening, I would watch. I didn't have the right to butt in, because that would have messed up the balance of the three worlds. With each soul that passed, a new one is born - saving a soul that was supposed to die would break the order of equivalent exchange."
"...But it was painful to be unable to do anything but watch from the sidelines. You wanted to help, but you know you couldn't," he finished for her, his voice a barely audible mutter.
He had heard her emotional rants a number of times before, had discerned the same facts that she had disclosed to him a few times previously. But it didn't matter how many times she would tell him the same thing; if he could somewhat ease the burden that she carried on her small shoulders, he would. He would do just about anything, if only to tell her that none of it was her fault.
"It was your job," he proceeded, his tone now laced heavily with inspiritness, a warm touch of affection dormant beneath. "You couldn't have done anything. If you hadn't been ferrying their souls, they would have wandered around aimlessly and become vengeful spirits, haunting everyone that has the misfortune of disrupting their territory. If you hadn't been ferrying souls, newborn babies wouldn't have been alive - perhaps I wouldn't have been able to blend my soul with that of Shuichi Minamino's, if you hadn't been there."
Being a grim reaper meant that she had the power of guiding souls to the River of Styx, but it also meant countless responsibilities and a boulder that was too heavy for a girl like her to carry. But like everything else, it came with blessings just as it did with curses. Her job was one that only a person with a strong mental fortitude like hers could accomplish. It was important as much as it was sorrow-inducing. Despite her own perceptions, Kurama was certain that many were more than glad to be given to her capable hands - with her warmth and benevolence, anyone could have passed on with content.
She seemed to comprehend his thoughts, this mutual understanding implicated in the way she buried her face into his shoulder. "I know," she whispered, her voice seemingly distant, as if it was being carried off by the wind. "Thank you, Kurama. For everything."
The fox shook his head as he placed a soft, featherlike kiss on the top of her head.
If anything, he should be the one thanking her. For being everything he hadn't thought he wanted nor expected he needed.
saillovelypines- I know, right? I think that it's a logical reaction from a mother, especially when you find out that your son has been lying to you since birth. Lol, I was actually thinking of making Kurama transform into Youko as a drabble later on. Well, look forward to the reactions of Kurama's family until then!
Guest- Yes, I tried to put justice to her emotions. Thank god that it was a success. Well, this one isn't as well-done as the prior chapters, though the next few will detail their next-step in their relationship and more.
A/N: So, the problems I was facing got settled pretty quickly (thank god for that). I can't disclose too much personal details, but all I can say is that it was a mountain-load of misunderstandings with my family and my extended family. Couldn't really focus on writing fanfics because of how big the issue got. I guess it's one of the downsides of the pandemic, but everyone's so on edge and people are getting testy for no reason sometimes. Still everything was sorted out quite fast once everyone tried to discuss, so I'm glad and back on writing again. It wasn't a very long wait for my readers, which is another fact that I'm grateful for. The drama made me pretty exhausted though, so I do apologize if the quality of this chapter isn't that well done. I was writing Love Through Time as well, so I guess that got me tired too lol. Got too excited and wrote a couple of updates in one night. Hope it pleases my readers though.
