Welcome back to TBFF! I'm glad you're here. A big thank you goes out to mystarlight, PrettyRecklessLaura, virgo-valentina, riahsparks, and Addy White for reviewing the last chapter! Thanks to all of my readers for continuing to read and enjoy the story. Here we go!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Lord of the Rings or Tolkien Enterprises.
ooOoo
To Be Forever Faithful
By: Ponytail Goddess
Chapter 55: Almost Normal
"You have chosen a beautiful day for this Haldir," Lord Celeborn remarked as the group of three elves slowly traversed the pathway that led towards the training grounds. Sunlight shimmered down through the canopy of golden-leafed mellryn overhead and reflected off the Lord of Lorien's silvery hair as he slowly made his way down the path, keeping his eyes on the hobbling elf next to him to look for signs of distress.
Haldir was very aware of Lord Celeborn's concern for him, though he was doing much better now than he had been a few weeks ago. He was now receiving physical therapy to help him regain his smooth gate and physical prowess. He had lost much of his ability while he slept and healed for months on end and now had to try and regain what was lost.
His spine was still causing him some pain, though the spirit healing Belegwen was imparting on him every night had worked wonders for him. While she had little success trying to heal him while he had the wall up between them, now that their bond was fully reestablished, the healing was once again helping him. Already, he could walk around with a cane and had started retraining his arms to handle his bow and sword.
Lady Galadriel floated beside him on the right, wearing one of the lovely white gowns she was renowned for. When Haldir glanced over at her, she smiled back at him knowingly as they made their way to the gate leading into the training grounds. Though Haldir could only manage a slow pace at this time, they had finally made it to their destination.
Looking around at the wardens engaged in their various training exercises, Haldir found himself feeling at home once again, even more so than he had for the first three weeks he was awake in Lothlorien. This field had been his daily retreat for nearly 4,000 years and the familiarity of it was comforting, especially considering what he had come here to do.
Haldir would not admit it to the lord or lady, but he was nervous. Normally, he was not so easily shaken. However, he was about to purposefully put one of his largest fears on display for all to see. It was a disquieting thought, though he knew deep in his heart that the outcome would be well worth the hassle.
Plus, he had promised this to Orophin. There was no turning back now…
As the three elves entered the wide gate, they fixated on the scenes in front of them. Several wardens were at the archery range, practicing shooting arrows from a variety of distances and angles. A few pairs of ellyn were sparring in the grassy field, mostly using hand-to-hand combat, though a couple were dueling with swords. At the far end, right by the tree line of mellryn, was the group Haldir had come to see.
It was unusual to see so many ellyn looking up all at once. Haldir's eyes followed their gaze to the top of the tree, then stopped walking for a moment as his eyes caught sight of the demonstration before him. On a branch high above the ground were Belegwen and Rumil, battling one another with their swords vigorously. Both were balanced on one of the highest branches of the monstrous tree, which was no small feat without dueling. However, the two were exchanging blows with one another rapidly, as if they had practiced this before.
Belegwen seemed to move as naturally in the tree as she did on the ground. She did not even feel nervous, Haldir marveled, as he latched onto her mind and felt the confidence she had in herself and her balance while she fought. Haldir could tell by the look on his brother's face that he did not feel the same. If anything, Haldir was a bit worried for Rumil, who stumbled backward a few steps to avoid stroke after stroke of Belegwen's sword while desperately trying to maintain his balance. He was quickly losing ground and being driven further out on the branch, where he had less stability.
As if sensing he was reaching a dangerous area, Belegwen reacted quickly. She jumped down from the branch as Rumil teetered on the branch while swiping at her. Catching the branch they were on with her empty hand, Belegwen expertly swung herself underneath Rumil with such force that she propelled herself back onto the top of the branch, landing behind him and quickly getting to her feet. Rumil immediately turned around to engage her and she quickly drove him back towards the safety of the tree trunk.
Haldir could tell Belegwen was completely in control of the situation as he watched her speed up their exchange, challenging Rumil to match her speed while maintaining his balance. Rumil lashed out at her viciously in return, blocking her blows repeatedly at the mind-boggling speed she had set. Trying to get off the defensive, Rumil ducked down low and tried to slash at Belegwen's feet.
Before his attack reached its goal, Haldir watched in astonishment as Belegwen deftly flipped over the top of Rumil's squatting body, her long legs extended high in the air above her. Haldir glanced over at Lord Celeborn as he heard a gasp escape his mouth while Belegwen flew confidently through the air. He saw the fear of an adar in the ancient lord's eyes before his eyes quickly darted back to the sparring match. Belegwen had landed safely behind Rumil and the two were battling one another ferociously once more.
The battle was short-lived though. Even with the pair fighting quite a distance away from him, Haldir could still see that familiar glint in Belegwen's eyes—the one she always had when she knew she was about to win a match. Belegwen was now guiding the offensive so rapidly that Rumil was starting to totter on the branch again as he struggled to defend himself against her myriad of blows. Taking her sword into a two-handed grip, Belegwen suddenly brought it above her head and expediently aimed it at Rumil's shoulder.
Rumil was not ready to block this particular blow, but he tried anyway. He brought his sword up as quickly as he could, but he was not gripping it tightly enough for Belegwen's onslaught. Adjusting at the last possible second to a large, circular motion, Belegwen successfully made Rumil's sword fly erratically out of his hand. The wardens at the bottom of the tree quickly scattered to avoid being hit with the flying weapon. Once it had hit the ground, they all flocked back to their spots to see what happened next.
He watched as his brother staggered dangerously on the branch before fully losing his balance and starting to fall. Belegwen was fast though, swinging under the branch once again and catching Rumil's forearm before anything bad could happen. From there, she swung him to a lower branch, where he quickly landed after appearing to curse a few times about his defeat. Soon, Belegwen was perched beside him on the branch and the two spoke privately for a few moments before they scurried down the tree carefully, without the help of ladders.
Haldir then turned back to his lord and lady once he realized he had forgotten about their presence beside him. He found that Lady Galadriel had approached Lord Celeborn and the two seemed to be having a silent conversation within the security of their bond. The look on the lady's face was one of reassurance and calmness. Haldir watched as his lord composed himself a bit under her intense stare, still reeling from seeing Belegwen flying rather dangerously over Rumil's head while they were engaged in the sparring session.
It had not concerned Haldir though, as he had felt how confident she was with the motion. Fear had never even entered Belegwen's mind while she had flipped over his brother. Haldir was also fully aware of how physically gifted and balanced Belegwen was and knew that it had not been a particularly hard feat for her to complete.
In this moment though, Haldir could see how true Lord Celeborn's love was for his hervess. In his mind, Belegwen was truly like a second daughter to him and always would be, no matter how much time had passed. The fact that he still worried about her was endearing and sweet. Haldir was pleased Lord Celeborn had accepted Belegwen all those years ago as his own, since it had ensured her success both as an elf of the city and as a warden. After all, Lord Celeborn was one of the best warriors of the city and had functioned both as her trainer and mentor, which had resulted in her success.
Indeed, Lord Celeborn had been good for Belegwen. Haldir was thankful for all he had done for her and he was certain Belegwen felt the same way about their lord.
"My time has come. Please join me." Haldir said, inviting the lord and lady to walk over with him. He then shakily started to walk towards the group gathered at the base of the mallorn tree, leaning heavily on his cane for support as he walked. Behind him, he could hear the lord and the lady walking in tandem and following behind him confidently.
As he approached, he could hear Belegwen directing the elves of the advanced swordsmanship class with confidence. Haldir smiled as he watched her, happy that she had come so far in the short year that had passed with her functioning as a marchwarden. Belegwen always had such confidence within her and had simply needed the acceptance of the other elves to step into her new role. Now that she had earned it, the rest of her duties seemed to come naturally to her. Haldir was pleased with her progress and loved the leader she had become.
He watched as Belegwen sent the elves into a few nearby trees with partners, each instructed to battle one another within the mellryn while using caution so none would be hurt from the training exercise. Belegwen watched them for a minute, before turning around and meeting his eyes. Her lips formed a look of surprise, then immediately transformed into a bright smile as she saw him up and walking for the first time in weeks.
Haldir had been practicing walking secretly for the last two weeks, hoping to surprise her with his progress. The look on her face and the dazzling light of hope in her eyes told him that he succeeded.
"My lord and lady," Belegwen said in welcome, placing her hand over her heart and bowing low before them. When she straightened back up, she met Haldir's blue eyes once more.
"Marchwarden," Belegwen said, acknowledging him second, as was appropriate in the presence of Galadriel and Celeborn. "It is good to see you out walking once more. Have you come to check on the status of our trainings?" She asked calmly. He could hear her mind buzzing as she formulated what was worthy of reporting within her head rather unnecessarily.
Haldir smiled at her and let out the smallest of laughs as she looked up at him curiously. "I am not here for any report Belegwen, but rather to address a personal matter between us, if I may." He said with amusement in his voice as he felt her mind beginning to probe his own nosily, since she was uncertain of what he meant. Upon feeling this, he raised his eyebrows up at her, letting her know he was fully aware of her intentions and quickly conveyed to her that he was not going to allow her to know what he was doing until he was ready.
"Certainly marchwarden… Haldir," she said, correcting herself quickly as she struggled to be personal with him in front of the lord and lady. Haldir had expected this though, as they spent nearly one year acting coldly towards each other unless they were alone. To now amend the strongly ingrained behavior would be tricky for both of them, as they were unaccustomed to public displays of affection. However, that was currently the one thing they needed most to improve their situation and Haldir was not going to back down from it, even if it did make him uncomfortable.
"I am here to right a wrong," He started, then motioned for the lord and lady to come forward. With Lord Celeborn's help, he was able to bend down onto one knee before Belegwen. The lord held one of his shoulders steady while the lady gripped the other. With their assistance, he was able to stay upright on his knee as he reached for Belegwen's hand.
Now having an inkling of what was happening, he watched as Belegwen grew both nervous at the scene they were creating in front of the wardens and excited as she anticipated what was to come. Haldir simply smiled up at her and accepted her hand into his own when she finally came up with enough courage to offer it to him. He brought the hand up to his lips and kissed it before setting his other hand over it.
"Belegwen… I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you. It was that day you visited the border with Lord Celeborn. When you shot your first Galadhrim bow, you captured my heart in the process. Long did I deny the effect you had on me. Back then, I did not think you would want to pursue a relationship since you were so deeply invested in your job as a warden." He stated, his blue eyes never leaving hers as he spoke from his heart.
"I was wrong though. Eventually, we were able to meet as equals when you became a marchwarden. My heart was gladdened to find that my feelings for you were suddenly returned. Last year, our hearts chose one another so quickly that it took our minds several months to catch up to them. Now that I have loved you thusly, I can no longer live without you by my side." Haldir said as he squeezed her hand gently. He was fully aware that the training ground had grown eerily quiet and that many sets of eyes were watching them, which was what he had hoped for.
"I know we have been a bit unconventional in our relationship over the past year. Please know that in my mind, you are already my hervess, even though we never discussed the matter. Nothing can change that at this point. However, I know that in the minds of some others, this is not the case." He said, purposefully projecting his memory of Esgalamon judging Belegwen into her mind to ensure she knew that he was aware of the situation.
"I would not have you live in shame because of the choices we made Belegwen. I want everyone to see you as I see you, respectfully as my chosen hervess. I have asked the lord and lady to amend the warden's code to allow for this, but no amendment was needed. Our togetherness has never been a mere fraternization or dalliance, but a full-blown love built to endure the long years of eternity. It is with their full permission that I come before you today to ask for your hand." He said, his voice shaking with emotion as he watched her carefully. Her eyes were full of love for him and she was breathing heavily as she listened to all he had to say.
"Marry me." He whispered softly, drawing her hand gently against his heart. "Marry me in vow, in front of the whole city at the warden's ball next month. Let us make it so there are no doubts about us. Let us make this right in every way." He murmured as he pulled one of his hands away from his chest and used it to withdraw something from his pocket. He opened up his hand so she could see what was within.
Rings.
There were two silver rings in his hand, one large and one small. Both were thick-banded and had a particularly intricate engraving of mellryn leaves around the exterior; the details were so fine that you could see shading on the overlapping leaves and even the veins within them. The top and the bottom of each ring had a small silver border that shined brightly in the sunlight.
"Haldir," Belegwen gasped, her voice full of emotion as she stared in disbelief at the rings and then back at him. He could tell she was moved beyond words and he waited patiently for an answer, his heart beating anxiously in the mean time.
"Let this no longer be a secret." He continued when she did not answer, "Let this be a full marriage in every way. What say you, Belegwen? Will you accept me as your eternal partner in all things?"
She started to nod before her mouth regained the ability to speak the words. Finally receiving an answer, a large smile started to unfurl on the side of his mouth as he slid the smaller ring onto her index finger. When he finished, he heard her whisper as she looked him in the eyes with intensity, "As you have said before, you are already my hervenn and I will love you forever. I will marry you in vow though. Let it happen as you have said." She murmured, then squeezed his hand in response, at once admiring the ring that was on her finger.
Haldir handed her the larger ring after a few moments and held out his pointer finger so she could put it on him as well. Then, with limited help from Lord Celeborn, he stood up and pulled her carefully towards him for a kiss.
Cheers and applause broke out across the training grounds as Haldir kissed her passionately, right there on the field for all to see. He could feel Belegwen tense upon hearing the wardens and when he pulled away from her, he saw that her cheeks had flushed to a soft pink color. Joy was sparkling in her eyes as her love for him beamed through their bond.
"I am sorry if I have embarrassed you," Haldir whispered near her forehead as he scanned the scene around the training field. Indeed, all training had stopped and all eyes were on them. "The lord and lady both recommended this, as it was an easy way for them to show their support of our relationship to a large crowd. This way, the city will not be whispering about us breaking the rules, but instead about our lord and lady's approval of our actions."
"Oh," Belegwen said, flushing a bit more while smiling up at him with eyes that glowed like sapphires. "It is not so bad, just rather unexpected. I am not used to having this type of attention drawn to myself." She answered as she pushed a small flyaway of golden hair out of his face and behind his ear while he looked down at her.
A moment later, she was kissing him, albeit rather tentatively, as a show of support for his actions. When she was done, their lips lingered together for a moment more, both smiling against the other before Haldir leaned his forehead against her own again, his own joy bursting forth through their bond as they stood together and reveled in the sweetness of the moment.
Finally, his dream had come to fruition! Belegwen was now wearing his ring, as he had always dreamed!
"Congratulations seem to be an order," Lord Celeborn said when they separated from each other after enjoying their special moment. Haldir watched as Belegwen ran up to Lord Celeborn and was immediately received into a tight hug. "Belegond would have loved this, as do I." He said as he held her tightly, beaming with pride.
"Thank you for granting us permission." He heard Belegwen say into Celeborn's ear as he held her close, then released her into Lady Galadriel's embrace.
"You and Haldir have long been fated to end up together. It is a pleasure to see this actualize." Galadriel said to them as she held Belegwen in a gently embrace. When she drew back from Belegwen, she decreed, "This is a day to remember for you both. Lord Celeborn has planned to take over your classes today, marchwarden. Go now and make plans for your life together—experience the fullness of your joy on this blessed day."
"Thank you." Belegwen said softly, bowing low before the lord and lady and then turning back to Haldir. Before she could address him though, she was caught up in a hug from Rumil, who had ran over to them and somehow managed to simultaneously embrace them both in a big bear hug.
"It has finally happened!" Rumil exclaimed, pulling them both in close in his excitement. Haldir stumbled a bit, but caught himself before he fell and leaned into Rumil so he did not lose his balance again. "What a blessing it is to see my brother and my best friend wed at last! Praise the Valar! Belegwen, welcome to our family!"
Rumil kissed them both on the cheek before letting them go, even taking a moment to help rebalance his brother before he let go of him. He smiled at them both, joy shining from his eyes as he accepted their thanks.
His brother was soon joined by Tinuloth, who brought young Halendil over to his adar and naneth. The little one giggled as she bounced him in her arms before she handed him carefully over to Belegwen. After a few moments of well-practiced motions, Belegwen had tied the little elfling tightly onto her front using her the baby wrap she had received from the women of Rohan.
Haldir smiled at her as she tickled his son under his chin. Halendil giggled and reached his chubby little arms up to her face. He watched as Belegwen grabbed his tiny hands and moved them up and down while he giggled more, tickled to death by her dotting attention.
Once the little one seemed satisfied with the interaction, Haldir held out his arm to Belegwen. "Shall we?" He asked, feeling a sudden burst of excitement at the prospect of walking through the city with his hervess on his arm and his son along for the ride. They were his family now and he could not wait to show them off with pride.
"It is truly okay for us to do so?" Belegwen questioned, her eyes appearing concerned as they had worked rather hard to make sure their secret was kept for all those months.
"There is no longer any reason to hide," Haldir replied gently. "The lord and lady have accepted our bond and now we may do as we please. What I desire more than anything is to walk through the city with you arm in arm."
"Then that you shall have," Belegwen replied, taking hold of his arm carefully. The two walked from the training grounds together, their new silver rings glinting in the sunlight.
At last, they were free to enjoy their love openly and both of them were completely overtaken with happiness because of it.
ooOoo
Gentle white moonlight poured into the room as Belegwen admired the sweet sight before her. Her hervenn was sitting in the rocking chair, his golden locks glistening in the full moon's light as he cradled their son tenderly within his arms. His blue eyes were transfixed on the elfling's face as his lips quietly sang a familiar lullaby to the youngling.
Though Haldir was renowned for his strength and prowess in battle, Belegwen found herself admiring how carefully he held their son as he rocked him into reverie. Truly, Haldir was already proving to be a wonderful, caring adar and Belegwen felt more and more blessed to have him by her side with every day that passed.
As she laid in her bed watching them with a smile upon her face, Belegwen brought her hand up to glance at her ring for the hundredth time that day. After loving one another in secret for nearly a year, it still seemed surreal to Belegwen that Haldir had proposed to her in such a manner, especially since he had done so publically. She knew how private of an ellon Haldir was and the show he had put on earlier was unusual for him.
"He must have thought it necessary, just as the lord and lady did…" She mused to herself as she idly listened to Haldir's light tenor voice serenade their son into the land of dreams. "It almost seems as if everything is too good to be true though."
Indeed, today had been a taste of what a normal life with Haldir would be like. Lord Celeborn had taken over her class and Belegwen had walked arm in arm with Haldir through the city for the first time. It had felt oddly wonderful and uncomfortable all at once, as she was accustomed to doing everything in her power to hide the relationship between them. Now that there was no need, it felt both nice and weird to show it off to the elves of the city.
Haldir had been elated by it. Belegwen had felt how exciting he found these simple moments between them through their bond. He had dreamed of such moments for over 3,000 years now and they had finally come to fruition. The joy he felt had radiated through their bond all afternoon and had pleased Belegwen greatly.
The elves that had seen them together had been surprisingly accepting of them too. Belegwen had feared that even the public proposal would not change the hearts of some of the most traditional elves of the city, but none had acted disparagingly towards the couple this afternoon.
No, most had approached them with messages of congratulation. In fact, the sheer amount of elves who had well wishes to extend to them had made it difficult to pass through the city and they had spent much of their day together chatting with acquaintances rather than making plans.
The day had been enjoyable nonetheless and they had celebrated with their closest friends and family. Rumil had joined them in the dining room for supper and Linros had stopped by too, holding his adopted brother while Belegwen and Haldir had their dinner and chattering away about the adventures he planned to have with the little one once he was upright and walking on his own.
They had met Bragolith and his wife as they walked home from the dining room. Finally being able to walk again, Bragolith had joyfully invited them both to the couple's talan to celebrate their engagement with wine and merriment. Once they had tarried there for a couple of hours, the two lovers had walked hand in hand through Caras Galadhon once more and headed back to the warden's halls to put Halendil to bed. The little one had grown fussy from the excessive attention he had received during the day. Now that he had eaten, Belegwen felt confident that he would surely fall asleep in the comfort of his adar's arms within the next ten minutes or so.
Indeed, when Belegwen next looked over at him, Haldir was setting the sleeping elfling in his cradle with gentle care. She watched as he stroked the sleeping ellon's head a few times before carefully getting to his feet with the help of his cane and making his way over to her. She watched as the moon lit up his golden locks, creating a shiny halo around his head as he extended his hand to her as an invitation. "Come." He said, gesturing to the balcony.
Belegwen immediately remembered the night before they had left for Helm's Deep, when Haldir led her onto his balcony and danced with her, lifting her with ease and leading her meticulously through the steps of several dances. He smiled back at her as he caught sight of the memory within his own mind. Belegwen took his hand and walked with him onto the balcony. Both stood side by side in silence for a while, staring up at the smattering of stars, glittering in stark contrast to the blackened sky. For a long while, the two stood there admiring their view through the canopy of glistening silver mellyrn leaves.
Soon, Belegwen noticed Haldir's attention had diverted to her and she turned to face him. He leaned his cane against the balcony's ledge and then gently reached out, resting his hands on her hips. She could feel the warmth of his touch through her satin robe, as well as the thrumming electricity of their bond.
Belegwen's hands reflexively came to rest on his chest, momentarily caressing it over top of his cream-colored robe before she looked up at him. Lost in the feeling of love that lingered between them, Belegwen smiled as she basked in the glow of his softened gaze.
In his heart, she could tell Haldir felt lighter and freer than he had in a few millennia. Finally being able to show his love for her outwardly and having it returned had unlocked a part of himself that he had shut away for a very long time.
A wordless conversation started to unfold within their minds, where Haldir showed Belegwen his memories of shutting his true self away as a form of self protection. It had been the only thing that stopped the fading he experienced when she had inadvertently rejected him all those years ago. Haldir showed her how he had blocked off his feelings for her with a wall of sorts and then allowed her to see how it made him grow bitter and hard-hearted. Indeed, in those days he had begun to rely more and more on his duty to fulfill him rather than the company of others. He had maintained this wall for over three millennia…
Three millennia.
Haldir then pulled the memories she had seen in Galadriel's mirror to the front of her mind. He showed Belegwen how Orophin had convinced him that she was cruel for not allowing anyone to fall in love her. Haldir had told himself that particular lie over and over again until he finally believed it and it had aided him in his ability to shut away his feelings for her.
Next, he showed her how Marchwarden Annondel had tried to pair them up as training partners to help his plight, which had led to a large argument between them. Haldir had been forced to admit to the marchwarden that Belegwen had rejected him and they had argued about the partners until Annondel had finally separated the two. It had been a rather painful experience, dredging up the old feelings once again, which he had then struggled to push back down for several more years.
"I am sorry Haldir." Belegwen whispered as her hands slid up his neck and came to rest on his cheeks with a gentle caress. "I am so sorry you were hurting over me. I wish I had known… Perhaps things would have been different."
"Perhaps…" He murmured back, gently taking one of her hands from his face and bringing it up to his lips to kiss it slowly, lingering there as they both savored the powerful feeling their bond was exuding.
"I do not show you this to upset you or make you feel guilty though. I just want you to understand why I feel such joy now. You need to know why I feel so deeply for you and why it was so hard for me to tell you about my feelings after all that time. To be rejected again would have been unbearable and that is why I waited so long to share my love with you. I do not want you to question my feelings for you because they have never wavered; not even for a second." He proclaimed as he drew her body closer to him, letting go of her hand to draw his fingers through her unrestrained hair, then back to her face where it came to rest under her chin.
"You are the love of my life Belegwen, the only elleth I have ever wanted to spend eternity alongside. My love for you will never fade, falter, or disappear. No, it will only grow as I become closer to you with every passing day. This love and this family we have built are all I have ever desired to have aside from protecting this city. Tell me meleth, does this make you happy too? Are you pleased with how our relationship has turned out?" He asked her quietly, stroking the side of her cheek with uncommon gentleness.
"Of course Haldir," she murmured, capturing his lips for a second against her own. "I too have desired this and am overjoyed to have you as a loving hervenn and a wonderful adar to Halendil. Being with you pleases me greatly and I cannot imagine ever loving another elf as I love you."
She watched as Haldir smiled with pleasure, his eyelids half closed and full of desire for her. He kissed her slowly for a long while, while carefully holding her body snugly against his. A fire started to build within Belegwen as she moved her hands up the back of his firm neck and into his smooth golden locks.
After a while, she felt him reluctantly pull back and he once more stared down at her. "Tell me Belegwen, how do you picture us spending our eternity together? What do you want our life to be like now that we have bonded?"
The feelings of love dwelling within Belegwen quickly cooled upon hearing this question and a flash of fear shot through her mind. She suddenly looked down and studied their bare feet with unusual interest. This question had lingered in her mind before Haldir had been injured and she had worried about the day when it would finally come up in conversation.
Would Haldir want her to be something she was not? Would he ask her to give up all she had worked for to raise his son in the safety of the city?
"Belegwen, did I not already tell you that you had earned your position as marchwarden? That I wanted you to fight by my side? Why do you think I would ask for you to give all of that up?" Haldir asked, gently moving her head back up so that she was looking at him again.
She did not say anything at first as she studied the concern in his eyes. Reassuring herself that he loved her and wanted the best for her, she finally replied, "Haldir… I have spent my entire life believing that no ellon would want me if I chose the life of a warden. For the longest time, no one but Galadriel approved of my choice. All the elves I knew wanted me to quit being a warden and would regularly tell me to 'start acting like an elleth.' I know what you have said to me, but it is hard for me to break out of that mindset. After all this time, I still sometimes fear…" She said, trailing off and finishing the thought in her mind instead.
"I still fear you will not love me as I am."
Belegwen felt a warm blush of shame radiate over her cheeks as looked away from him, unable to meet Haldir's intense gaze now that she had admitted something so personal. She felt exposed and she was worried he would not be kind about hearing such an admission.
She was wrong though. Haldir's lips connected with her forehead before she heard him whisper, "I would never ask you to give up being a marchwarden Belegwen. All the traits you have that make you good at your job are the very same traits that made me fall in love with you in the first place."
"Even the very first day I met you, I could see how brave you were. I have never seen any other elleth I know jump out of a tree the way you did, nor have I ever seen one climb a mallorn as you did on your 50th birthday. You did not even use a ladder! The determination you showed me as you dared to try over and over again to pull back the string on my Galadhrim bow the day we met was extraordinary… Belegwen, I love these things about you and I do not want you to change because then you would not be yourself." He said, clearly hoping to bolster her. Still, she was mortified with her admission and struggled to believe that he truly felt what he described.
For a time, Haldir was silent. Belegwen could hear his mind searching for a way to comfort her. Finally he asked in a hushed voice, "Would you like to know how I picture our future together?"
When Belegwen nodded, Haldir continued. "I see two marchwardens who work together on the border. Together they watch and command the guard. They communicate well because they are married and need not bother with reading one another's lips. They allow each other to use their talents to better the guard and when it is time to fight, they protect one another to make sure both will come home safely to their son." He said with passion in his voice as he described his dream.
"After their fortnight of service, the marchwardens would return home to raise their son together, playing with him and teaching him all the elven ways. They would spend time with their family and friends, train each other and others, and most importantly, they would love and care for one another." He said, pausing at the end as Belegwen finally dared to look up at him. "Then, one day when their duty is completed, they would sail to Valinor together and spend the rest of eternity living peacefully, never to be parted."
"Belegwen," he whispered as he wiped a tear from her eye that she had not even realized she had shed, "That is what I want. I want to do all things with you. Everything is better with you by my side."
"Oh Haldir," she said emotionally, grabbing him tightly around the neck to embrace him. She felt him stumble a bit under the pressure of her hug and instantly loosened her grip a bit so he did not fall over. The sentiment lingered between them all the same though.
It was love—love and the desire to live out Haldir's dream together. "I want that future too." Belegwen whispered ardently, though she knew he had already seen her answer in his mind.
She felt his head nuzzle against hers and his lips grazed her ear as he leaned in and whispered, "Then you shall have it meleth. It is yours." The hot air of his breath caressed her ear and suddenly Belegwen's nightmare resumed. She was back in Helm's Deep with the uruk-hai holding her tightly against the brick wall.
"It is he who is responsible, you know…"
"Responsible for what?" She heard her voice say.
"Your family's death."
Belegwen watched in horror as her naneth and Nenrim were both stabbed at their talan's door and fell to the floor, bloody and unmoving. A scream escaped from her lips as she watched Belegond fight the orcs before they smashed his head into the corner of the dining room table and stabbed him repeatedly.
Frightened, Belegwen quickly pushed Haldir away from her and fell to the ground, crawling backwards until the balcony railing stopped her from going any further. Her heart was pounding excruciatingly fast and she could hear her labored breaths. She blinked several times before she realized that she was not at Helm's Deep. The sounds of swords cracking together and the screams of battle were now replaced with the high-pitched cries of Halendil, who had awoken from her scream and was crying in his cradle.
She jumped when she heard a knock on the door and watched as Haldir awkwardly got to his feet and hobbled over to answer it without his cane. As Belegwen regained control of herself, she realized Haldir was talking to Rumil. A couple of concerned wardens had sent him to her room upon hearing her scream. Much to her embarrassment, she overheard him speak with Haldir about what had happened tonight. Rumil then told Haldir about the flashback he had witnessed, the time when she had utterly decapitated the dead orc during the journey home while being caught up in her memory of the battle.
All Belegwen could do was bury her head in her knees, feeling nothing but embarrassment over the whole situation. Surely if she was a stronger warrior, she would be able to handle these terrible memories of the battle in more normal ways, right? Why couldn't she stop panicking about what the uruk-hai had shown her? Why was this still a problem several months later?
Belegwen groaned softly as she felt tears fall down her face, which made her burrow even deeper into her knees. What would Haldir think of her after this terrible scene she had made. For goodness sakes, she had knocked him over, potentially aggravating his injuries!
She did not have time to dwell on it though, as she was suddenly scooped up in a pair of strong arms. Before she could object, Rumil had deposited her gently on her bed. She heard Haldir thank him and then caught sight of Rumil again as he bent down to kiss her forehead. "This will get better gwathel, I promise." He said soothingly before exiting the room and closing the door silently behind him.
Belegwen watched as Haldir rocked the cradle gently, caressing Halendil's head and whispering quiet words to him until he his cries died down and he dozed off once again. Then he sat next to her in the bed, looking at her with concern in his cerulean eyes. Ashamed of her behavior, Belegwen looked down and studied the wrinkled sheets on the bed as she felt him analyzing the situation.
Out of the corner of her eye, Belegwen noticed that Haldir had untied his robe and let it fall to the floor. She let him untie her own robe as well and watched as he tossed it to the floor before climbing into bed with her. Immediately, she was encased in his warm arms. He tightly held close to his body; it almost felt as if he would never let her go again. Belegwen snuggled into the embrace, trying to enjoy the feeling even though she felt very uncertain of herself at the moment.
A few minutes passed before she heard Haldir's voice slowly and thoughtfully addressed the issue at hand. "This war… it lingers within you and haunts you. This is a price many soldiers are forced to pay during times like these. We will seek help for it tomorrow, but for now you must rest. I will watch over you tonight. The battle is over now and no harm will befall you." He assured her as he caressed her back.
She shivered at the tingling his touch left behind on her bare skin. "This too will pass. Rest assured that I think no less of you for struggling. I have promised forever to you and nothing will separate us again. Not this, nor anything else." He promised and Belegwen could feel through their bond that he meant it with all of his heart.
Upon hearing this, she breathed a sigh of relief and at long last was able to start relaxing in his protective grasp. Through the bond, he assured her that she was still the strongest elleth he knew and that nothing would ever change his high opinion of her. Her heart fluttered from hearing these kind words from him. The feeling of his deep love permeated through her whole body, calming and soothing her until she was finally able to meet his eyes…
Those familiar, blue eyes.
As sleep started to overtake her, Belegwen asked him a question she had long kept as a secret inside of her. "Haldir, your eyes look so familiar to me… Was it you who opened the broom closest? Was it you who saved me as a child the day my family was killed?" She questioned, her voice cracking with emotion as she briefly relived the frightful experience of hiding in the closet and not knowing who had found her after staying in there for hours.
"It was not me." He replied lightly, caressing her hair to try and help her relax. "I was still a city sentinel back then. I did not serve at the border until the wall around the city was built."
"Oh." She said as she yawned tiredly, nodding a bit before settling in against his smooth chest once more. "I still wish I could thank the one who helped me…"
"I know," he murmured, his lips dragging gently against her forehead. "Sleep now, sweet warden. Sleep."
Safely resting in the warmth of her hervenn's arms, Belegwen finally allowed herself to do exactly that.
ooOoo
I hope you're enjoying my story. Please consider leaving a review and letting me know your thoughts about the latest installment. I'd love to hear from you. I'll be back with a new chapter soon!
-P.G.
