Disclaimer: I do not have the rights to SOA and make no profit from my writing. Anything you don't recognize from the show I have created.


Content Warning: This fanfiction is rated M. Please respect that warning and do not read this if you do not want to read M rated material.


I no longer have a beta, so all mistakes are my own.

2042

Age 50

Gabby had gotten used to not having her husband come home in the evenings. If she stayed up late, he would wonder in around 11. If he were somewhat sober, they would have quick, violent sex against a wall or on the kitchen table. Gabby always left unsatisfied. Casper always slept in the den.

He usually didn't wake before she had to leave for work. Over the weekend he had woken, showered and dressed upstairs, and disappeared for the day before Gabby could get a word in.

She had yet to share more details with Shark. All Matthew knew was that his father wasn't talking to his mother, and had no use for her. He would say as much to Bull when drinking at the clubhouse.

Gabby and Matthew sat at the table together this night, eating vegetarian chili.

"I bet, even discounting age as a factor, I have the lowest cholesterol in the club." Matthew tried to joke to his mother.

"Good. You'll live a long healthy life. No stints for you." She referred to Hammer, who had two stints put in his chest a few years ago.

Matthew nodded his head and cleaned his bowl.

"You going to the clubhouse tonight?" Gabby asked.

"No, actually. It's Suzie's night off, we were gonna ah, you know…do something."

Gabby smiled genuinely for the first time in days. "You're going to, ah, umm, ah, do ah something?" She mocked him.

"Mom." Matthew whined.

"I'm kidding honey. I'm glad you two are hanging out again. What are you going to, ah, do?" Gabby got in one last dig.

Matthew cleared his throat. "There's a band playing at a bar." He said simply.

"Live music and drinks? Will there be dancing?"

"I don't know…maybe dancing…if other people are doing it." He said shyly.

"Well, tell Suzie I said hi. Her job is keeping her quite busy."

"Yeah, swing shifts. New hire and all."

"I'm sure you know how that feels."


It was only 10 when Gabby heard a bike pull into the driveway. She held her breath that it was her husband, and not a devastated Matthew.

Casper strolled, in, his boot stomps telling her he was sober. She wondered into the kitchen before he could disappear.

"I made chili." She started a conversation.

"Have you talked to Kristen?" Casper snapped at her.

"We text, sometimes. Why?"

"She won't talk to me. She won't take my calls; she won't return my calls. She sent me a text, 'congrats on being home.' And hasn't said a word since."

"She just needs some time to get used to the idea. She's not…connected to the club."

"I'M HER FATHER." Casper yelled.

"I know that." Gabby tried to stay calm. "She just, removed herself from all this, a long time ago. She's doing good in Houston. She has a boyfriend, and friends, and she got a promotion. She's looking at buying a house."

"Well, I'm glad she tells you all that."

"Like I said, we text. Sometimes. Once a week or so." Gabby tried to shrug it off. "Just so I know she's okay."

"What has she said since I've been back?"

"Just…that I must be happy." Gabby whispered.

Casper stepped up to her. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look into his eyes, inches above her head.

"Are you, Gabby? Are you happy to have me back? This me? The man you turned me into?"

Gabby blinked back tears. "I'm glad to have you back. I love you. I want you in my life." Gabby said determinedly.

"You want to cook for me, and wash my clothes, and wait for me to fuck you when I get home at the end of the day?"

Gabby attempted to pull away from him and he held on tighter. "I want you. I want whoever you are now. If you need to be cruel to me, be cruel. We can work through this. I know this has to be hard for you. I'm trying not to rush you."

"Trying not to rush me?" Casper whispered. "You would let me do anything to you, if it meant keeping me around, wouldn't you?"

Gabby again tried to pull away from him and he held on tighter. Gabby knew she would be covering bruises with makeup the next morning.

"No. Not anything." Gabby said in a warning tone.

"Will you fuck me Gabby? Give me your body like it's a damn replacement for my life?"

"I'll sleep with you because I love you. And I want you. I missed you. I yearned for you."

Casper let go of her chin and shoved her into the den. He turned her around to face the bed and pushed her down. He pulled his pants down and climbed on top of her, working her pants down to her knees.

"You think this will make it all better? You think I'm that easy?" He whispered in her ear as he plunged into her. Gabby held in a cry.

Casper knotted her hair around his fist and pushed her face into the soft comforter on the bed. Gabby freed her hands and tried to push herself up to get a breath. Casper ignored her struggle for air and continued to thrust into her.

He came on a curse and let her go, flipping over on the bed next to her.

Gabby raised up and gulped in air. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She screamed. She scrambled off the bed and pulled her pants back up. "What the hell was that?"

"I thought you liked it rough." Casper chuckled. "Oh, that's right. Shark's more the making love type. I bet he never fully got your rocks off with all that love and tenderness."

"I never EVER slept with Shark or anyone else-"

"That's not what Bull says-"

"And YOU were the tender one. YOU were the one who wanted to make love, caress me, kiss me. You're the one who would make me cum 2 or 3 times before you ever thought of yourself. You, who apparently forgot how to give orgasms while you were locked up too."

Gabby started to storm out and Casper got up, grabbing her arm.

"You know what's sad, Gabby? After all that, you're still gonna cook me dinner and wait for me to come home tomorrow. And if I want you, you'll let me do anything I want to you. Just to keep me around."

"Fuck off." Gabby whispered and pulled her arm out of his hand; she grabbed her purse off the hook on the wall and slammed the garage door behind her.


Gabby didn't know where she was driving. She turned blindly down streets, making circles, letting tears stream down her face.

She had yet to admit to anyone how bad things were at home. Where was she supposed to go? Who was she supposed to turn to when she didn't want to tell anyone anything?

Becky would pry, and she would tell Tom Tom everything. Shark would be furious. He would start a fight for sure.

She looked around where she was at and made a left turn. There was somewhere she could go. Somewhere with someone who wouldn't pry.

She pulled into Tig's driveway and turned off the car. It was nearly 11, she wasn't sure if he would still be up. Of course, he wouldn't be up. She shouldn't be here. She couldn't go home. Going home, sleeping under the same roof as him after he did what he did, said what he said, would only prove his point.

She closed her eyes and rested her forehead on the steering wheel. Was her husband lost to her? Was trying to fix things no use? If she could possibly get him to forgive her, could she love the man he was today?

She jumped at a knocking at her window and looked up into Tig's face. He raised his eyebrows at her and opened her door.

"You okay in there, doll?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, it's late. I shouldn't be bothering you."

"You're right. You should go. This is very rude." He said sarcastically as he reached in and undid her seat belt. "Come on." He grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the SUV.


Casper sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. He knew he had made a mistake. He had hurt her. He had said awful things to her. After everything he had done that she had put up with, he had finally driven her out of the house.

He thought about the sex they had had. Had he been too violent? A voice in the back of his head said hurt her. She likes it. She deserves it. Think of everything that happened to you, everything you lost. Hurt her.

He had gone too far. There was a line between violent sex and just plain violence. He wondered how bad he had hurt her.

And accusing her of sleeping with Shark. That had been all Bull. An offhand comment about Gabby not minding him coming home late, because she got time to screw Shark. Casper knew neither of them would have ever crossed that line.

Gabby had stayed loyal to him no matter how he had treated her. She had sent him letters every week, shorter in the later years, just to tell him what was going on in the world. That she missed him. That she loved him. He had stopped writing her back to punish her. But he had read every letter, over and over and over again.

He was still punishing her. She was bending over backward for him and he was still punishing her. He didn't always mean to. It just happened. He looked at her face and he saw his old life, the life he lost. He looked at the kitchen table and saw his kids eating pancakes, Gabby serving up her insanely healthy dinners. He looked in the backyard and saw his kids playing on the swing set. He went upstairs to shower and change and saw Gabby and himself, making love in bed. Making epic love.

He lost all of that. And he would never get it back and he was ANGRY. He couldn't make it stop.


Gabby sat on Tig's couch with a glass of red wine. Tig sat in the chair next to her.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Tig asked.

"Not really." Gabby admitted.

"Can I take a guess?" Tig tried again.

Gabby nodded her head.

"You and Casper have a fight?" Gabby nodded her head again.

"Was it bad?"

Gabby answered by taking a long drink from her wine glass. "I keep trying to be patient. I keep telling myself he needs time to adjust. That we both changed, and we need to adapt to each other. I keep telling myself he went through hell in prison. That he needs to work through his anger."

"That's all true." Tig agreed.

"I want you to tell me what prison was like for him. He won't talk about it. I want you to tell me what he would have gone through."

"You don't want to hear all that, doll."

"No, but I need to hear it. I need to see it. I need to remind myself what he went through, so I can give him a chance to adjust."

Tig was silent for a minute. He could tell her. He could tell her every nasty detail. But he didn't want her to see it, or picture it, or remember it.

"Gabby, you know what he went through."

"I want you to tell me." Gabby repeated herself.

Tig let out a long sigh. "Fighting. A lot of fighting. Negotiating with other people. Doing things for other people. Buying them things from the commissary, running errands, hurting other people. Earning his keep, to get protection." Tig summed up.

"What else?" Gabby pushed.

"Corrupt guards." Tig added.

"I want to hear all of it, Tig."

Tig took a sip of his drink. "He ah, he may have been raped. He may have…let men do things to him, in exchange for protection." Tig said quietly.

Gabby closed her eyes and nodded her head. She knew it must have happened. She just needed to hear it. The violence Casper had acted out just this evening; it was as close to rape as Gabby ever wanted to get in her life.

"Thank you." Gabby finished her glass of wine and sat in on the end table.

"Gabby, how bad has it gotten?"

"Bad. Tonight, it got bad."

Tig closed his eyes and let out a long breath.

"Do you want me to talk to him? Or have someone else talk to him?"

"No. I don't want him to know what we talked about either."

Tig nodded his head. "Do you want to stay here?"

Gabby stood up and rubbed her damp palms down her thighs. "No. I'm gonna go home. Stand my ground. I'm gonna be the fierce biker chick everybody thinks I am, and I'm gonna…I'm gonna put him in his place." She hesitated to say.

Tig got up and gave her a tight hug. "I'm here if you need me, Gabby. For anything."

"I know, thank you."


Gabby walked back in the house with her head held high. She didn't actually expect to see Casper awake at the kitchen table.

She hung up her purse in the hall and took off her shoes. She walked up and stood behind a chair, holding onto it for a little extra support.

"Whether you like it or not, I want to work things out with you. You're still here, you come home every night, so I have to believe you want that too. You were wrong when you said you could do anything to me. I was trying to make things up to you. I was trying to let you alleviate your anger.

"I'm done with that now. Get a therapist, beat the shit out of someone in the ring. You don't get to hurt me anymore."

She didn't wait for a response. She turned to the side and walked straight to the staircase.

Casper continued to sit at the table. Staring straight down. That woman, that strong woman, was the wife he remembered. The wife that didn't take shit. The wife who always threw the first theoretical punch.

He thought she had lost that. He thought he had killed that spark in her. But no. She was, and always would be, stronger than he was.


4 more chapters to go!

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