55 Detroit 1.20.2039

Clara

The office is weirdly loud when I enter after finishing coffee with Connor, but as soon as I walk in, everyone shuts up. That can only mean one thing, a throwback to my high school days when my insecurities often proved true. They'd been talking about me.

I pause for a moment, foot midstep. Everyone is studiously looking down at their work or at their computer screens. I make my way to my desk and sit down, pulling my phone and notes from the interview out of my bag.

I can't concentrate, though, my curiosity alight with a sick dread. Tony seems to take pity on me and comes over, his face dour.

"Did someone die?" I ask. God, did Horowitz finally have a heart attack and keel over in his fiftieth cup of coffee?

"No."

"Well?" I feel all-out panicked now. "For fuck's sake, spit it out!" I lose patience.

"Someone leaked that you were the mysterious girl kissing an android," Tony says in a rush. I sit still as a statue for a moment as his words sink in.

"Oh."

"Yeah…"

"How bad is it?" I ask. "And who the hell outed me?"

Tony tugs at the collar of his button up. I think he's acting guilty for half a second, but I know Tony would never out me. He knows better than anyone how much I prize my privacy. "Uh, one of the rookies over at Detroit Times. He was at the conference this morning and recognized you. Name's Dan Rather."

"That son of a bitch." I'd seen his name printed before. His articles are on the nose and ineloquent. "He outed me by name?"

Tony nods. "He knew it was a big story. Everywhere but Detroit Today has the story. Horowitz is not taking it well."

"Fuck," I empathize. "He's going to kill me." I've been sitting on this secret and now he's the last to know. Not that I'd had any intention of going public with my relationship with Connor because it's literally no one's business.

Tony pulls up an article on his phone and holds it out to me. "Congratulations," he says. "You're a celebrity."

To say that I'm in a foul mood by the time I arrive home would be an understatement. I'd been called into Horowitz's office shortly after Tony broke the news to me. He hadn't yelled. He hadn't thrown anything. He'd been almost calm. That was how I knew how mad he really was. He hadn't fired me, but he had given me an assignment. I'd wanted to say no. I'd wanted to rail against him with all my might. Instead, I'd said nothing, swallowing back a wave of nausea and nodding solemnly. Sealing my fate.

I had to give an interview. About Connor and my relationship. Detroit Today would have the exclusive unlike the supposition crap the other papers and blogs had been publishing.

"What do they have? A grainy picture and some fucker who thinks he recognized you. They have nothing," Horowitz had ranted. "But us." He leaned over his desk, and I had to keep myself from shrinking away from the maniacal look in his eyes. "We have the real thing."

"Sir…" My argument hadn't made it past the first word.

"Do the interview or you're fired."

That's where the feeble nod had come into play before I'd fled his office. Tony had given me a sympathetic wince.

"How bad was it?" he asked, rolling his chair over to my desk.

"I'm weighing how much I like my job." I hid my face behind my computer, feeling curious eyes staring me down from around the office.

"Ouch. You gonna give the interview?"

I threw him a look. "He told you about that?"

"He asked me to write the article." I stared. "I mean, would you want someone else asking you questions about your sex life with an android?"

"Jesus, Tony!" I yelped, blushing furiously. "That is not… Even if I was… That is not anyone's business!"

"That's the kind of shit people are gonna want to know! Clara, you're probably the first human to…you know…with an android!"

"Oh, my God, what is my life?" I put my head on my desk, clamping my hands over my ears. "Please stop talking about that. Please, for the love of God, stop talking about that."

"Tomorrow. Horowitz wants the interview tomorrow, so start thinking about some good answers." He waggled his eyebrows before rolling his chair back to his desk.

My face burned the rest of the day, and I all but sprinted from the office once my article was finished.

Connor is cooking when I arrive home. Surprisingly, the house isn't on fire, and nothing is burning. I can't help the smile that spreads across my face as I shut the door behind me and shrug out of my winter gear, exchanging my snowy boots for fuzzy slippers.

"What's all this?" I ask, peering at the various pots and pans.

"Spaghetti," he tells me, brow furrowed in concentration.

He has the pasta cooking along with a skillet of ground beef and a smaller pot of boiling sauce. Freshly cut oregano lies neatly diced on the cutting board, and the entire kitchen smells wonderful.

"I tried tasting. I think it's right." He looks genuinely concerned.

"It smells delicious, and I trust you," I say, setting the table. I always feel awkward setting the table for one, but I know he doesn't mind. He always sits with me at meals despite not eating.

A timer goes off, and he turns the burners off on the stove. "Need any help?" I ask, but he shakes his head.

"Just sit down, and I'll serve," he tells me, and I hear the hint of pride in his voice. The furrow in his brow doesn't go away even after the food is served and I take the first bite.

"Mmmm, this is really good!" I tell him, meaning every word.

"I'm pleased to hear that." He smiles, but it's tight. I think both of our work days have really taken a toll today.

"How was the rest of your day?" I ask him. "Did you find anything out?"

He frowns and it confirms my suspicions that this is what's bothering him. "I did. I found a nose ring at one of the sites, the second most recent one. It had a little blood on it. It belongs to a man who has a record. He fits the profile of who we might be looking for."

"He can't have been working alone."

"No. I interviewed a suspect at the parking lot who saw a group of people shoot an android. He said they were high on red ice, but he also said they all wore jackets with the same symbol on it. A triangle with an X through it."

"Like the android symbol you had on your CyberLife jacket?" I ask, sucking down a pasta noodle and spraying my face with sauce. "But crossed out," I add, dabbing my face with a napkin.

"Yes, that's what I was thinking, too. What if it's an anti-android gang that's been hurting them? It would be a variety of people, so perhaps not all the crimes would be identical."

"There are plenty of gangs in Detroit and plenty of android haters, so why not put them together?" I put my fork down, meeting Connor's eyes. "What's your next move?"

"I'd like to interview the suspect, but I don't have enough evidence right now to accuse him of anything." His eyes are thoughtful.

"Maybe he has evidence on him still. A lot of criminals are sloppy. They don't realize crime is messy, which is good for the people trying to find them."

"If I could match a trace of blue blood, that might be enough."

"You'd need a warrant, but the nose ring with the blood could be enough." I wasn't completely up on all the detective stuff and the hoops they had to jump through, but I knew if anyone could find the culprits, it was Connor.

"I'll talk to Hank tomorrow," Connor says, folding his hands on the table. "Enough about my day. How was the office?"

I groan. "Can we keep talking about murder suspects?" I ask.

"That bad?" His expression is all concern, and he reaches a hand across the table to take mine.

"So you know how someone got a picture of us kissing after Markus's speech?" I ask, and he nods. "Well, some idiot from a rival paper recognized me this morning at the press conference. He published an article online naming me as the mystery girl in the picture. Everyone knows now."

"Can you deny it?" He rubs his thumb over my hand almost unconsciously, and I relax under his touch.

"No. Horowitz was furious another paper got to the story first. He wants an interview. With me. About us. If I refuse, then I'm fired."

Connor frowns, his brown eyes going hard. "I don't like that he's not giving you a choice. You shouldn't have to give the interview if you don't want to."

I rub my face with my free hand. "I mean, technically he gave me a choice, but I lose my job if I don't give the interview."

"What kind of questions are they going to ask?"

My cheeks heat as I remember Tony's words. "Uhh, probably super personal ones. As far as we know, we're the first android/human couple. It's kind of a big deal. I was hoping to not make it a big deal. I don't want other people knowing about us and not because I'm ashamed. It's just...you and me, it's personal. People can be cruel, and they don't deserve to dig into our personal life." I heave a long sigh.

"Don't answer the questions you're not comfortable with," Connor encourages. "You agreed to the interview, right? But you don't have to give them everything. Make your own terms."

"How do you always know the right thing to say?" I ask, squeezing his hand before twirling some spaghetti around my fork. It's getting cold, and I don't want to waste Connor's efforts. "Is there anything you aren't okay with question wise?"

Connor considers this. "I trust you. Whatever you're comfortable answering. I still don't like that you were forced into this."

"I know. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do for the sake of our jobs." He nods. He knows this better than anyone.

I finish eating, and he moves to take my plate. "Uh-uh," I scold him. "You cooked. I clean up."

Fifteen minutes later, we're both on the couch, the next episode of Nearly Human on. Even though I was dying to know what happened next, I'm distracted, tuning in and out of the episode. I'm stuck on Tony's words from earlier. People wanted to know about the details of a human/android relationship. All the details, and while I wasn't willing to get too personal, it had certainly brought to attention a certain detail that even Connor and I haven't addressed.

My cheeks burn as if he knows exactly what I'm thinking, but his attention is on the TV, his arm loosely around my waist. I never wanted to rush Connor. Never wanted to overwhelm him with affection when he's still learning to be more human, to be in-tune with his emotions, and learn what he's comfortable with. Had I occasionally initiated kissing that had left me breathless and Connor's LED blinking yellow, well, yes. Guilty. Could you blame me? Had I nearly lost it when he'd run his fingers across bare skin beneath my shirt during said kissing? Uh, yeah. Absolutely. Had I wanted to tear his clothes off when he looked at me with those molten chocolate eyes, well, actually, no.

That was where my brain went to a shuddering halt, crash landing and exploding.

The first time I'd realized I didn't want to take things further, I pushed it aside. This was still new. He was still learning. I hadn't really ever properly dated someone before, so it was natural. The second time, I'd started wondering if there was something wrong with me. Connor was everything to me, so why was I so hesitant to take our relationship to the next level? I kept telling myself it was him. I was waiting for him. I wouldn't rush him.

Connor had said nothing, and as far as I could tell, his brain wasn't even going in that direction. He seemed happy. Truly content with how things were going, and I hadn't wanted to bring it up.

After a couple of months of dating, though, my brain had come to a sudden and confusing conclusion. Holy shit, I'd thought to myself, lying next to Connor in bed, both fully clothed, perfectly happy to have him beside me. I'm not sure I actually want to have sex with Connor.

I'd lain awake that night with my mouth open staring at the ceiling wondering what is wrong with you? Connor was perfect. Connor was absolutely the most adorable, gorgeous man I'd ever met. He was sweet and kind and twenty thousand other positive adjectives I didn't have time to list out. I could not imagine life without him and I didn't want to imagine life without him. So why was I not taking our relationship to the next step?

The next day at work, I'd done a Google search. Because all problems can be solved with a quick Google search, right? A word popped up. I read everything I could about this word. I realized I wasn't the only one, that I wasn't broken or messed up or wrong. That one word explained so much, explained the lack of relationships, the fear of getting too close to someone, the fear of their expectations. It explained the absolute horror with which I went into family reunions waiting for the 'when are we going to get some grandkids' question. It explained why I could be in a relationship with the absolute best person I had ever known, and not want more from the physical side of it.

Holy shit, I'd thought to myself, as the pieces clicked neatly into place. I think I'm asexual.

Now sitting on the couch, beside Connor - my favorite place in the world - I wonder what he wants. What if he wants more from our relationship? What if he wants something I'm not ready to give? He hasn't shown any inclination to take our relationship to the next level, hasn't acted in any way that isn't absolutely gentlemanly. He waits for my cues and he respects me in a way no one ever has before.

I'd wondered more than once if androids wanted sex. Those who had been sold to the Eden Club had been built for that reason, and that had sickened me to my core. They'd had no choice in the matter and as far as I was concerned, that was rape. Did androids sleep together for love though? Would they want that with a human if it was their choice? I didn't know because this was all so new. Because, as far as I know, Connor and I are the only human/android couple so far, which seems crazy to me.

I want to ask him what he wants, to ask if he wants more or if what I have to offer is enough. I love him. Of that I'm sure. Maybe, in time, I'll feel like I can give him more, but I know he would never ask that of me if I wasn't ready, if I wasn't willing.

It's a conversation we need to have, but I don't know how to broach it. I'd always stumbled around the topic, Tony accusing me of being a prude, but it was uncomfortable for me. I let out a breath, a little louder than I'd meant, and try to focus on the show.

Connor shifts, and I know he noticed my distraction. He doesn't say anything though, probably assuming I'm frustrated by the interview. I stay quiet, leaning into his side and resting my head against his shoulder. Right now, in this moment, I have everything I need.