AUTHORS NOTE: It's been a bit, I know. But hey, I got another chapter out! Let me know what you guys think of this new development, kay? Let's all welcome Genma to team 'Support Iruka'!

Also, to all the awesome people that decided to follow my story, both the old and the new, Thank you so much! (This minor outburst of happiness is caused by the influx of people subscribing to this story, it makes me really happy - let me know what you guys think of this latest chapter though, yeah?)

XOXOX

Hidden Feelings, Hidden Lives

Chapter 125: You're Not Alone

XOXOX

Tsunade had kept her word, staying with the sensei while the silver-haired man was out for groceries. Upon his return he had hurriedly informed her of his new-found friendship with Asuma, but hadn't said much else; Iruka was more important right now. His own progress - even though the man was quietly quite proud of himself - took a backseat to Iruka's troubles. And in any case, the woman had left shortly after.

And now he was sitting at his kitchen table, drinking Iruka's favorite tea and eating Iruka's favorite snack. The conversation was light and mostly one sided, but Kakashi didn't mind. He told the brunette about running into Asuma, even spilling the beans about Kurenai's pregnancy - which evoked the first positive emotion he'd seen from the younger man since Iruka had interrupted his therapy session yesterday.

But that slight happiness didn't last long as the sensei presumably sunk back into his own thoughts. Kakashi didn't let it deter him, however, calmly speaking about all the little things he could think of.

-Knock… Knock-

Iruka looked at him with a defeated look on his face, "Shouldn't you get that?"

He shook his head a little, "You're more important, Ruka."

The sensei shrugged a little, "Still…"

-Knock… Knock-

"I don't think that whoever's there is just going to leave, Kakashi."

"They will, in time."

-Knock… Knock-

"Yeah…" the brunette chuckled humorlessly, "I'm kind of doubting that…"

"It's not important, Ruka."

"What if it is?"

"It's not. It's not you, so it's not important."

-Knock… Knock-

"Could be Gai…"

Kakashi chuckled, "He'd have kicked the door down by now. No, it's not Gai. Not Tsunade either. And those are the only two I need to open the door for, Shikamaru has his own key."

-Knock… Knock-

"Kakashi…" he sighed, "This is getting on my nerves, will you please just open that darned door already?"

The copy ninja looked at his friend questioningly for a moment, but then decided to do as asked.
Anything for Ruka…

Walking over to the door, he made sure to close the kitchen door behind him. If anyone came looking for his best friend, he would deny the man was here. No matter who the person on the other side of the door was. Suddenly nervous, Kakashi swallowed. This was how you were supposed to protect people, right? He was doing this correctly, wasn't he? With no one to ask, all the man could do was shrug and pull up his mask as he extended his hand towards the door.

XOXOX

He was here, but there was no answer at the door. Was it a mistake to come over after all? What could he possibly do? The man smiled wryly.
Be a friend. Be a punching bag. Be whatever he needs me to be. No-one should have to fight through this on their own. Friends are amazing to have around, but even the most empathetic friend can't really understand what you're going through right now. I can. And I'll do whatever you need me to do to help you recover faster.

"Genma…?" Kakashi's voice was both surprised and annoyed, the older man swallowed as he looked at him. This was Kakashi's apartment, why didn't he realize that the silver-haired man would be the one to open the door?

Because I was only thinking about Umino…
"Kakashi," his voice shook just a little and he balled his hands to fists in his pockets in an attempt to hide his nerves, "Iwashi's a gossiper, not that that really matters…" biting down on his senbon he cursed himself for his useless muttering, "But… he told me. He eh –"
Crap, what was Umino's first name again?
"The sensei, he's here right?" his tongue pressed itself against the tip of the senbon, a small drop of blood filling his mouth with its coppery taste.

"What are you even talking about, Genma?" he sounded bored, but at the same time his voice seemed to be made of ice. The man's body seemingly casually leaning against the doorframe – yet every muscle was tensed up, ready for action.

The brunette swallowed, taking a deep breath, "I know you're trying to keep everyone away from him, Kakashi. And you've got a point there. But…" sighing, he looked away, "Look, I heard the story from Iwashi, and no doubt he's left out over half of it 'cause he's taking Izumo's side in this but…" taking a deep breath, he looked back at the jounin, "I've been where Iruka is right now. I know what he's going through probably better than anyone else. And, if he'll let me, I'll do anything to help him through this."

For a few seconds, the younger man simply looked at him. His face all but expressionless, arms crossed in front of his chest. Genma swallowed, nervously toying the senbon around in his mouth. When the man finally spoke, Kakashi's voice was so quiet that he could barely make out the words, "What the hell did Iwashi say?"

Shrugging uncomfortably, he looked down at the concrete beneath his feet, whispering back, "Sick son of a bitch went complaining to him. Iwashi probably repeated every word back to us. That Iruka called him a rapist. That according to Izumo's account it was nothing that he shouldn't be able to handle. Shit like that. They're downplaying the whole thing. But… even though I may not know the guy that well, I know he's not some crybaby. If he said that Izumo raped him, he's telling the truth. Consensual beginnings or no."

"Who's us?"

Genma risked a glance up, Kakashi seemed frozen in place, even paler than usual. Teasing the tip of the senbon once more, he felt another drop of blood slide down his tongue, "Raidou and me," the brunette swallowed, but the coppery taste in his mouth wouldn't disappear, "Rai's the one that pulled me through. He knows how bad I was. Didn't want me to come here, but… I can't just ignore this, Kakashi!" finally looking up properly, Genma frowned, "I honestly can't."

Kakashi sighed, opened his mouth to speak. Closed it again. Arched his back to look inside his apartment. Genma watched him nod before stepping back. There was a warning in Kakashi's tone as he finally spoke, "This is Iruka's call. But I'm not leaving you alone with him and if you so much as touch him you're leaving this apartment on a stretcher - under a white sheet. Got that?"

Genma nodded, crossing the threshold in silence. Risking a glance around, he wondered why the younger man had moved here in the first place. The apartment he'd had before was larger, situated in a much nicer neighborhood. But it wasn't any of his business, so he pushed the thought aside. The door to the kitchen was about halfway open, and the sensei was sitting at the kitchen table, facing the two men at the door. Taking off his sandals, Genma swallowed again.
I know why Kakashi won't leave him alone with me. And he's right. But at the same time, I really wish I didn't have to do this with him here. Of all the people in this village, not with Kakashi here…

Straightening his back, he looked at the younger man. Iruka had placed his elbows on the table, resting his chin in his hands. The pose seemed to be relaxed, but there was a defensive nature to it. Genma understood very well how desperately Iruka was clutching to his defenses right now. He'd done the same. Folding his hands behind his back, he waited patiently for Kakashi to haul another chair out of the room next to the kitchen, waiting until the man had set it down by the table before following him in. Kakashi had set the chair down on the only empty side of the table, but close to Iruka. Too close. The sensei pulled back a little, almost unconsciously sliding his chair closer to the wall. But the wall brought no protection, and he tried to still his trembling hands by squeezing them between his legs. Genma sighed quietly. Pulling out the remaining chair, he made sure there was a full step between it and the table before sitting down, addressing the older man first, "Kakashi, I know you're trying to be protective here, but you're not helping him," he kept his tone light, tried to ban out all signs of reproach. Kakashi frowned at him, then took a closer look at the man beside him.

"He, eh… he has a point…" Iruka's voice was trembling, barely audible. Looking guilty, Kakashi immediately followed Genma's example, moving his chair back a little. Not quite far enough from the looks of it, but Iruka seemed to be able to accept it.

Crossing his legs, Genma laid his folded hands atop his knee. His tone soft as he spoke, though he didn't look at Iruka directly, his gaze lingering on the table, "Did you hear everything I said at the door or just part of it?"

The younger man took a while to reply, his voice a little stronger but still softer than a whisper, "I heard you say you wanted to help me. Then about what, eh… Iwashi? What he said that Izumo told him…"

"Iwashi, yes. That's his name, but it doesn't really matter. He's nothing but a gossip that thrives on putting other people down. And since those two feed him new info almost every day, he considers them to be…" he sneered, "Friends of his. More to the point," his tongue teased the tip of the senbon but he managed to control the almost unconscious action this time, saving himself further bloodshed, "Did you hear me telling Kakashi that I've been where you're at right now?" he looked up just in time to see the sensei's slight nod. To hear his whispered words.

"I wouldn't have told him to let you in otherwise."

"Figures, can't blame you for that. It's the only reason I told him in the first place," Genma took a shaky breath, "I'm not sure about your story, but I'll tell you mine. You can decide what you want from me after that. I can leave, I can stand by your side. If you need someone to throw punches at, go right ahead. Whatever you need, okay?" watching the man's small nod, Genma almost smiled at the surprise on both their faces. But he wouldn't, the situation didn't call for smiles, "Was about five years ago, found this guy… I don't even remember where, anyway, he asked me out. Didn't see the harm, he looked nice enough so…" for a few moments, Genma fell quiet, frowning as he studied his folded hands. They were trembling on a shaking knee, but the man decided not to let that stop him, "He was nice, at first. Gradually got rougher, messed up my head so bad I thought I couldn't get any better. That I didn't have the right to think for myself or say no. Don't remember how long that went on, months. Didn't see Rai anymore, too preoccupied with trying to be whatever it was that this guy wanted me to be. Didn't realize what was happening. Then one day I snapped, told him to get lost," he chuckled hollowly, "Damn near starved myself after that, figured I was the most disgusting being on the planet, that I didn't deserve to live. Still… I don't know how, but somehow Raidou came by sometime in the following days. It's all a little hazy, that time. But he… coaxed me back to life. Couldn't touch me though. I'd freak out, so he kept his distance. Took me away to some cabin in the woods. He slept outside every night because I was too afraid to let him in. Locked the door and windows so he couldn't get near me," Genma looked up for the first time since he'd started his tale, ignoring the tears in his eyes, "I got over it, Iruka. Eventually. You can do it too."

Iruka swallowed, the man's almost lifeless account had struck a chord with him, even though their stories were quite different. And before he even really realized what he was doing, he spoke. His voice started as only a whisper, but gradually got stronger, "He's not my boyfriend, never was. We just… I don't even know why I started it in the first place. I know the reasons I had back then, but they seem so silly now. So unreal. But he was all I was ever going to have. Or so I thought," a humorless chuckle shook the sensei, "By now I guess I've realized that I'm better off alone. But back then, when it all started… he was… amazing, really. Kind and funny and so understanding," a tear rolled down his cheek, "But then everything started to change. And I still don't know how it even happened. I can't blame him, but I don't think I can really blame me either. Even though I do. I keep telling myself that if I'd just had the courage to say something…" swallowing, he looked up at Genma, wiping at the tears streaking his face, "He didn't mean to hurt me. I know that much. But… I don't think he would've stopped. By the time I finally realized what was going on, that it wasn't just… that it wasn't right, I think I was too late…" hugging himself, Iruka hunched over a little, "I never meant for any of this to happen! I never wanted anyone to get hurt! All I ever wanted was to feel it! All I ever wanted was what everyone else has…" he pulled up his knees, hiding his face as he rested his forehead against his knees. Desperate, almost hysterical sobs shaking his body.

As his best friend whispered, Kakashi studied the man before them. When Iruka cried out, he looked back at him, swallowing his own tears as he watched Iruka's fall. When the brunette curled himself up, he extended his hand. But his wrist was caught by Genma's hand, the older man looking at him with tears in his own eyes. His voice soft but firm, "Don't touch him, Kakashi. Don't do that to him."

Releasing Kakashi's hand, he sat back down on his own chair, resolving himself to wait it out. Iruka's desperate crying all but ripped his heart to shreds, but he didn't let it show. The only indication that Genma was standing on the edge himself was the small glint of tears in his own eyes. He watched Kakashi get up, frowning a little as he wondered what the silver-haired man had on his mind. But Kakashi turned, filling the kettle before putting it on the stove, filling three glasses with water before walking back to the table. Genma nodded in thanks, but didn't touch the glass. Right now he was shaking so bad he'd most likely drop it; Genma decided he would rather be thirsty.

When the water boiled, Kakashi got back up to fill the teacups he'd set out, adding them to the table. Sitting back down, he regarded Genma with an anxious look, then shrugged, "Don't stare."

Genma blinked.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?

But soon enough Genma's unspoken question was answered:The mask was coming down. Something he'd been dreaming off for most of his twenties was happening right before his eyes but Genma couldn't even care about it. Iruka was the only important person here. Kakashi's face, though a mystery to the man, wasn't even interesting enough to sneak a peek.
I'm over him anyway, not like the guy's ever shown any interest in other guys… He's like Raidou, the best friend you could ever wish for, but straight as can be. Shame though…

When he finally calmed down a little, Iruka glanced up at the man sitting across from him. It looked as though Genma hadn't even moved all this time.
I hardly know this guy, and still… Why do I feel like I can trust him? Right now I don't even really trust Kakashi, but Genma… he feels different. Maybe it's because he knows. He understands. Kakashi's always been the one doing the hurting, sure he regrets it now but he still can't completely understand what it's like for the other guy. Wait a minute…
"Genma?"

Lifting his gaze up to meet chocolate eyes, Genma almost managed to keep his trembling body under control, "Yes?"

"You said… a guy?"

Despite the situation, despite how horrible he felt right now, Genma chuckled, "I did," cocking his head, he could feel himself relaxing just a little, "Surprised?"

Kakashi let out a slow breath, "I think we both are…" padding around his shirt, he dug up a battered pack of cigarettes and a matchbook, lighting one with shaking hands before equally shakilly pulling his mask back up.
I should've known that years ago…

The senbon moved from left to right, "Why?"

"Because I've only ever seen you date girls," Kakashi inhaled deeply, staring up at the ceiling as he blew little smoke circles.

Genma shrugged, "I'm lazy, don't feel like explaining much."

"Right," Iruka's gaze nervously fluttered about for a few moments, "Kakashi, leave."

The silver-haired man blinked, "Ruka, I'm not leaving you alone with –"

"I said leave!" frowning, he looked at his best friend, adding, "Please don't make me repeat myself a third time. I know you don't want to leave me alone, but I'm not."

Kakashi sighed quietly, trying the gentle, reasonable approach, "Ruka, he just basically admitted he's the kind of guy that could potentially hurt you again. I just –"

Suddenly, the sensei rose to his feet, "Very well then, we'll leave. You just sit here and think about how you screwed up again."

Blinking against the sudden tears in his eyes, Kakashi got up as well, spreading his arms out in a calming motion, "Alright, I get it. I get it, Ruka. I'll leave you alone…" sighing, he resigned himself to wait just outside the door, ready to charge back in at a moment's notice.

Iruka's tone was soft as he sat back down, "Thank you. I know you don't want to leave, and if I ask you to, you'll just be pacing right outside the door, so… I just can't deal with having you in the room right now, Kakashi. I'm sorry. Just… you can wait in the bedroom, I don't care, just not… here."

The silver-haired man nodded, not happy with the situation, but accepting it for now. Grabbing his tea, he made for the bedroom.
At least from here I'll be there quicker if Ruka needs me. I'm never letting anyone hurt him again!

After watching his best friend leave, Iruka gave the other man a watery smile. His tone quiet as he explained, "He's my best friend, but he can get a little overprotective at times. Besides, you came all the way out here for me and you're obviously not comfortable with him around. Be aware though, from the bedroom he can probably hear you if you don't keep your voice down. I don't mind personally, but that might be different for you. So… if you want, I'm okay with you moving your chair closer, just… stay on that side of the table, please. I'm really grateful that you understand that I can't have people too close, but you may just be overreacting a little," swallowing, the sensei offered the other man a meager smile.

He smiled back, moving his chair just barely closer to the table. As he picked up his tea, Genma cocked his head a little, "You know… I think I'm beginning to see why Sakura speaks so highly of you…"

"Oh?" genuine surprise spread across the younger man's face, "She does?"

"They all do. And I don't think I've ever seen anyone go from utter heap of misery to functioning human being as fast as you just did."

"I'm not functioning. I'm faking it. I've had more than enough practice with the kids…" Iruka sighed, "Kakashi can't deal with me breaking down. He tries to pretend he's fine, but he's not. If he was, he wouldn't be smoking. And if he wasn't pretending, he'd be chain-smoking. I just can't deal with his nervousness right now. And you clearly can't deal with his presence at all…"

Teeth clattered against metal as he bit down on the senbon in his mouth, "Sorry…"

"Don't be," the younger man took a deep breath, looking away, "This is going to fade away again, right?"

Genma softly shook his head, "No. It's not just going to fade away, it's going to take work. Either you deal with it, or it's going to haunt you forever. But like I said, I managed to get through it, and by now I'm pretty sure I'm not even half as strong as you are. So you are going to be okay again. Of that much I'm sure."

Iruka snorted, "I'm not strong, weren't you listening? I had the chance to stop all of this from happening in the first place and I fucked it up!" tears filled his eyes once again and he furiously wiped at them.

"No, you didn't. If you'd really fucked up you would've probably killed yourself by now. But you put an end to the situation and found yourself a safe place to stay while you recuperate. That's not what I call fucking up. That's what I call taking care of yourself. Sure, I'm not saying you did everything perfectly, but you didn't fuck anything up. Izumo did."

"I allowed him to do that…"

Genma shrugged, putting the cup back down, "We're all human," he hesitated for a moment, "Look, you don't have to answer me but…" he bit down on the senbon, frowning just a little before he got himself back under control, "Izumo was the first guy you ever slept with, wasn't he?"

A humorless chuckle escaped the sensei, "That wasn't included in the gossip? Huh, you'd think he'd use every chance he got to smear my reputation…"

Smirking, Genma regarded the ceiling for a second, "I think he couldn't think of a way to do that without admitting he'd never done it before either…"

Iruka blinked, staring at the older man, "How'd you know?"

Genma shrugged, "Doesn't really matter…"

"It does. To me it does," he swallowed, but his throat was too dry. Picking up the glass of water Kakashi had set out for him, he emptied it in one long swig before picking up the one that the copy ninja had left behind, "Please tell me?"

Sighing, he pushed the glass that Kakashi had put before him toward the sensei a little, making sure not to bring his body too close, "He loudly confessed to Kotetsu not even all that long ago, all things considered. Someone with experience wouldn't have done that – they'd already had the dangers of public declarations drilled into them. Which also means that afterwards, the guys wouldn't have touched him with a ten-foot pole. As for you, it's the way you said it. You said you just wanted to feel it, which made it clear to me that you hadn't before. And there's just something in the way you explained how it got worse… I can't really explain it. I'm just used to listening to the meaning behind the words, I guess. Have to be, my best friend's Raidou Namiashi after all," he chuckled lightly, "Never says what he's thinking, so I figure I've got a lifetime of experience by now."

"Right…" Iruka flashed him a cheeky smile, "I guess we can shake hands on best friends with communication issues, then…"

Genma smiled softly, "Yeah, Kakashi's always been like that too. I never managed to break through that shell and so eventually I just gave up."

"When?" Iruka sounded thoughtful, and Genma realized this was somehow important to the younger man. So he thought about it seriously for a few seconds.

"I guess around seven years ago…? He suddenly pulled away from everyone again and I couldn't bring myself to give it another shot. Why do you ask?"

Iruka smiled softly, taking a small sip of water from the glass Genma had offered him, "He turned his life around. His twenty-second year, he became more approachable, I'd never even spoken to him before, but all of the sudden this living legend struck up a conversation with me. Said his friends were dicks and he needed a change," he chuckled, "I think that if you'd have given it one more try, things might've turned out different. I know for a fact that he's never had anything against you. He was just fed up with the situation he'd created himself. But that's all in the past and if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have him as my best friend now. So… I guess I'm actually a little glad you gave up when you did. I'm pretty sure I'd only have had Mizuki otherwise, and we all know what a horrible person that turned out to be…" he sighed, finally relaxing a little, "Tell me something… you date girls because it's less explaining, but you date guys too. So… could you explain it to me?"

Genma chuckled, "I don't have to, you know the answer already. You'd date both as well, given the chance. Right?"

Iruka swallowed, trying to hide his blush by dipping his head a little, whispering, "Yeah… but it's never happening anyway. I've decided I'm never putting myself in that situation again. Even if – never mind."

"You mean a girl can't hurt you like that, right?" he watched the younger man nod, clearly embarrassed, "You're right – well, mostly. Anyway, I'm not going to tell you what to do or not to do. But… don't decide things like that right now. You can decide you don't want to now, but please don't let one bad experience rule the rest of your life."

"Really bad experience…" Iruka whispered, taking another small sip of water.

"Okay, true. But," he leaned over ever so slightly, feeling relieved that the younger man didn't seem afraid of the action, "You've got years ahead of you. Don't close off all the options because of that. I'm sure you have other reasons, and they're your own. If all of that adds up to the same conclusion, fine. I won't argue with you. But if you decide to give up because of one guy…" teeth clattered against the metal between his lips, "Don't let him win, Iruka."

For a few seconds, Iruka sat very still, a slight frown on his face. When he spoke, his voice could barely be called a whisper, "Win?"

"Yeah…" leaning back, he sighed softly, "Win. Right now, that guy's using your pain to make himself feel better. He's turning everything around so he sounds like the victim. And even though you've apparently found the strength to not blame him, that still doesn't mean that he's completely innocent. And maybe you're right, maybe you're not innocent either," pulling a little face, he moved the senbon over to the other side again, "But you literally got hurt. He's only got a couple harsh words thrown his way. He's gonna be just fine in a little bit, while you're going to have to work for it. So yeah… If you give up, Izumo's gonna win. And he's probably gonna keep using that against you for a long time to come…" another small sigh escaped the older man as he picked up his tea again.

"Only… Izumo got hurt too. And Kotetsu," Iruka sounded thoughtful, his words halting Genma's movement. The cup was about halfway up, momentarily frozen in place as he spoke softly.

"Your friends? I heard some about that. But since the guy's still walking, he didn't really get hurt. There's no comparing the two, Iruka. Maybe now he's learned to fear the wrath of Kakashi and Gai – maybe they've even learned never to fuck with a Nara. But there's no way you can compare that to what he did to you."

"What I allowed him to do," frowning a little, Iruka studied the bottom of his now empty glass, "And if they didn't already know that those three are a force to be reckoned with, individually even, then they're complete and total idiots."

Chuckling lightly, he set the cup back down, "Maybe they are. No, scratch that. They definitely are. But you're an idiot too, if you let this beat you down so hard that you won't even try to get back up again."

Iruka stayed quiet after that. Minutes slowly ticked by as the younger man apparently tried to work something out in his head. Genma waited patiently, realizing that if he interrupted the sensei's train of thought now, he might do more harm than good.

"Genma," when he finally spoke, his tone was incredibly soft and the older man had to strain his ears to hear him, "I don't know how to get back up again. I don't even know where to start…"

"I'm here to help you with that. In any way you need. And if you don't know what you need, I'll help you figure it out."

"Yeah… I do sort of have a starting point already though, it's just…" looking up, Iruka wore a bright blush, chewing on the inside of his cheek for a few more moments, "It's embarrassing to admit… but… I've sort of started therapy. To, eh… learn how to deal, I guess…"

Genma shrugged, "Nothing embarrassing about that. I kind of wish I'd done the same. Not anymore, perhaps, but… yeah, for a long time… I really considered it. I was just too chicken."

"I didn't really have a choice in the matter…" Iruka sighed softly, getting up to refill his glass with fresh water.

"Kakashi?" he questioned.

"Eh… let's just say that this… therapist, was… unavoidable…" keeping his back turned to the older man for a moment longer, Iruka swallowed, "I'm not really comfortable telling you more, because it's not only about me, okay?"

"Alright. I'm just happy to hear you've got help."

"Yeah…" walking back to the table, he dropped himself in his chair again, "Maybe… I just… I'm not sure if I can go through with it…"

"Why not?" a little surprised, he leaned his arms on the table. Mentally kicking himself when Iruka automatically leaned back a little further.

"Because… I don't know what to tell her. I don't usually… talk about private stuff like that, you know?"

"Wait, let me get this straight here," Genma chuckled lightly, "Your best friend is Kakashi Hatake, and you don't talk about sex?"

"Eh… yes?" embarrassed, Iruka looked away, "And Kakashi just cracks dirty jokes a lot. I tend to ignore them."

"Ah…" chuckling, Genma shot the sensei an amused look before turning serious again, "You'll kind of have to learn though…"

"I know… it's just… this… person, doesn't really seem to know the word 'embarrassed'…"

"Most therapists don't, from what I know," another light chuckle escaped the older man, "That's what makes them good at their job. Just go with it, I'm sure that if you let them, they can help you learn to talk about the things you need to discuss with them."

Iruka nodded slightly, feeling infinitely better already. Telling Kakashi to let the man in had been the right decision; The brunette couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so at peace.

Hiding behind his tea, Genma couldn't help but study the younger man. Iruka seemed to have relaxed quite a bit, not even trying to shield himself any more. There was a soft smile on the sensei's face, his eyes lingering on his hands, folded in his lap. The tension in his shoulders was all but gone, too.
I think I kinda like this guy. He seems fun to be around - even if it's going to take some time for him to really feel like being fun again.

"Say Genma… you think this therapy could actually work?" nervously chewing on the inside of his cheek, Iruka tried not to look at the other man.

"Yes. I absolutely believe it can. That is, if you let it. I know it's gonna be tough to let someone in, but I really do believe you should give it an honest chance."

"Hmm-mm…" hesitating, Iruka fiddled with the hem of his shirt, "Would you… I mean… eh…" swallowing, he looked away again.

Genma silently took a deep breath.
Calm down… he's just nervous about something. And he should be, it's only natural at this point. I can't go around expecting him to be totally fine. At the very best, he's going to need a lot of time. I'm just going to have to be patient with him. Even though Shikaku is probably looking for me by now - I missed the meeting, didn't I? Don't know what time it is, but I probably did. I got so… absorbed in this guy… this is going to be trouble, isn't it?

Fighting to keep the wry smile off his face, Genma teased the senbon with his tongue, his words coming out just a tad harsher than he intended, "I'm not a mind-reader, Iruka. If you have something to ask me, just come out and ask please."

"Right… well, you see… if I'm going to give this therapy thing my all, I guess I should be… honest, right?"

"Well, yeah…"
Duh…

"So… that would probably include mentioning that there is someone that showed up here, and made me feel a whole lot better just by saying that he knows what I'm going through and that he's here for me, right…?"

"Eh…"
Shit! Why didn't I think of that? No, no way. I can't have this become public, I just can't. I knew what I was getting into – well, sorta – and I'm basically okay with Kakashi knowing some about it, I guess. But… some stranger? A bloody therapist?! No… I can't… I just… oh god…

Eyes wide, Iruka lunged forward, leaning on the table as he studied the other man's face for a second, "Don't freak out! I would never mention your name if you don't want me to, I promise! Just… I thought…" slowly he allowed himself to sink back into his chair, a concerned expression on the younger man's face.

A sigh of relief escaped him and Genma took a deep, calming breath, "I'm sorry… that was pretty bad on my part, huh? Sorry about that, Iruka…"

"No, I get it. Don't worry about it, Genma. I definitely understand that you wouldn't want me to just air out all of your dirty laundry. I really just meant saying that there is someone, okay? Someone who understands. I know she'd be happy to hear it, just like I'm extremely happy and thankful that you're even here right now. I'd never use that to hurt you, I promise."

Thankful…? I have to admit, at first I was kinda hoping he would be… now, I'm starting to get more interested in hearing what he actually thinks about me personally… Oh, don't be an idiot, Genma! That is what he thinks about you! You're the guy that understands. Nothing more. Never. Anything. More.
"Yeah… I'd be okay with that. So long as my identity remains between you and Kakashi…" swallowing, Genma tried not to let his disappointment show.

Just the guy who understands. The guy who came rushing over here on nothing but a rumor. The guy that'll do just about anything to get you back on your feet. But you shouldn't hear me telling you that right now. You shouldn't know that I'd do anything – anything at all – just to have the slightest chance you'll look at me differently. I'm just the guy who understands. I'm nothing else to you, not even a friend. How could I be? All we have in common are horrible memories, and even those are so different… I didn't tell you the whole story, and by now I'm sure I never could. You'd feel bad for me, most likely. I can't handle people's pity, but most of all… I can't let you see how broken I still am. You need me to be strong, Iruka. You need me to have the answers. I barely know you, and you barely know me. All you know is that I'm the guy who understands…