Thanks to stefaniacatioiu for reviewing.

Hello. I'm sorry for all of these long author notes. But there's just this one left- I hope haha. I just wanted to let everyone know about that several- most of my stories are about to end soon. This is one of them and except for this one it's…

-What I did for hate
-A light in the dark
-Game on
-Buried deep within
-We're coming home
-When I returned
-I won't go away
-The moment I needed the most
-I still love you

Then I have ideas for new stories. But those shouldn't be too long neither. And at least they are two and not ten. And two or three oneshots and not fourteen.

I'm not sure how much is left of either. But not too much. And then there's riding on the wings of a dove and how they ended up in care left.

"Whoa…"

Two weeks had passed since Frank Atwood had paid us a visit and we had started talking about going to Berkeley to just get away from everything at home for a bit. Just like I thought it happened quite simply since we weren't even leaving California.

But still, the flying had to be done anyway.

We were just going in for landing and piece by piece the plane bumped downwards Ryan tensed and I saw him grabbing his jeans so tightly his knuckles whitened.

"Do you remember what I told you?" I tried to comfort. "About how little risk there is for a plane crash?"

"One in eleven million…"

Ryan sounded secure at that moment but he tensed again when the plane bumped downwards again.

"It's okay. Now. That's the way it should feel. If the plane tipped forward and the speed went on now that would make me nervous." The plane bumped downwards again. "It's okay. But then of course, we'll have to do it quite a lot of times before we're on the ground."

When Ryan only glared at me I was reminded how from Orange County to Berkeley, while a relatively short flight- was his life's first.

"At least when we get off the plane…" I tried to keep his mind off the plane with talking about getting off. "…it won't be with having the same security-system as we got through when we got on. With Ryan's prosthetic and crutches and nails in Seth's arm the security in Orange County the security check had taken quite some time. "if it felt like that took a long time for me I can only imagine what it must have been like for you."

"And for me…" We had to keep the seatbelts on for this part but when I turned as much as I could see Seth was as far leaned forward as he could to speak to me and Ryan. "…And for you, with the crutches and the shoes and everything. It felt like it took forever… but chill out. The landing's fun." He squealed when the plane bumped downwards again and then leaned back again.

"Now Ryan," I sent a grateful look back on Kirsten and Seth. Even though they were in the chairs behind us Kirsten seemed to sense my wills to keep Ryan's thoughts away from the movement of the plane. "What day was your birthday?"

"Ehm…" Ryan had to think a bit nervously. "I… ehrm… Saturday. Nineteenth."

The plane bumped downwards again and Ryan gasped. I looked out the window and tried to figure how much time there was left before we were back on the ground.

"Not far left now." I patted his shoulder again. "Just stay in your seats when everyone are getting off…"

"I get it. I mean… I still move slower than everyone else…"

"No need to rush." Ryan tensed again when the plane bumped down again. "When we land, soon. You'll feel like you're falling forward. Just like you felt yourself being pushed back when it started. It will only last for a second and it's all normal."

Maybe that last I said could help Ryan not to worry when we were there.

And then, after the flight had felt like it had gone on for hours and hours the plane hit the ground. Just like I had told Ryan we were somewhat thrown forward in it and I could hear Ryan gasp slightly, right before we could feel as the plane started breaking.

"And there…" I didn't say anything until the pilot had at last stopped it. "All done…" Ryan didn't say anything. But I heard it as he breathed out. "…Now…." We had talked about this already before getting up, and instead of hurrying up and trying to move as fast as possible both I and Ryan leaned hack in our seats and waited for the rush to be over.

"We'll get the bags." Kirsten and Seth got up before us. "Meet you inside."

As we were only staying in a few days we hadn't needed a whole lot of package. And with that everything I and Kirsten had one bag together, Ryan and Seth another and Seth and Kirsten went to get our bags and I and Ryan stayed behind. Ryan took his crutches and held them and I could see he was hoping for people to just see what he was doing and so continue past us.

They did, at last I stood up and look around and people of all the lines of chairs I could see were empty.

"Excuse us." Just as Ryan took his crutches and made his way into the midway one of the flight attendants had made his way over to us. "Can we help you? Do you need anything? A wheelchair, perhaps?"

"No." Ryan shook his head and answered. "I'll be okay."

Well, he had already had to use those stairs once for getting on the plane. Now when it was time to get downwards my stomach twisted in worry that he might fall and hurt himself.

Sometimes, at home or when we knew it would only be short walking Ryan left the crutches all along. Tom had joked about it and wined that Ryan was learning way faster than what anyone else had done.

But well, Ryan was Ryan. Ryan was stubborn. And he had made up his mind he wasn't going to need anyone's help every day and minute of his life.

"It's fine kid." I said while I walked behind him to be able to see if he tripped. "We're in no rush."

Ryan didn't say anything. But I probably would have been able to figure what he thought even if he hadn't looked back at me right before he slowly started making his way down the stairs from the plane to the ground.

He wanted to rush with everything he had. But still he had to see that if he did he'd only made it worse for himself and he'd crashed down the whole stairs at once.

There would be some day when he had since long let go of the crutches and did as well like this as when he had two functioning legs as well.

We both breathed out when Ryan was down on the asphalt again- getting these stairs were hard enough for me and anyone else anyway.

"Are you doing o…"

Ryan just looked at me when I was on my way to ask. It was starting to annoy him that I asked.

"Sorry."

Finding our way into the airport wasn't hard. And then just as we came in Kirsten and Seth came from the other direction having gotten our bags.

I took the bag from Kirsten, whenever I saw her moving or carrying something heavy, stressing at work or eating something other than Chinese food I couldn't help but worry about the baby growing inside of her.

But then, if I kept asking if she was okay it annoyed her just as much as Ryan when I asked him. And upon that we hadn't yet told the boys about what was coming so they might figure something was up if I kept asking.

Cohen.

Right outside the doors to the airport stood a cab driver I had booked already before. It was fairly late and to just get to the hotel as quickly as possible I had foreseen would be the best. He was holding onto a sign with my name on it and when we came along he reached out and helped with Seth's bag.

"One of you will have to come in the shotgun seat next to me. Preferably one who knows where we'll be going."

I had expected that maybe Seth would have wanted to be in the front to right away see as much as the town he had missed so dearly since the moment we'd left it. But he got in the back seat after his mum and Ryan continued after him so even if I would have wanted the back seat for a reason or the other this wouldn't have been the time to start a discussion. And with that I got into the shotgun seat and, without him asking told the driver where we were going.

"Majestic gardens hotel. Do you know where that is?"

The driver didn't answer, he just pressed it into his GPS and hit the breaks while Seth kept on talking behind me and telling Ryan what he had to expect.

"And then. There's our old house. And on one side of it lives Maddie, and on the other side lives Jack…"

"Seth…" I interrupted. "I don't want to interrupt but Ryan doesn't know Jack or Maddie. Do you Ryan?"

"No. But I think I can guess."

"My old friends before we moved from Berkeley… I'm not certain about how it happened. But I remember something about racism and a British accent. And then I and Jack protected Maddie and there we were. In kindergarten we were best friends. And we made this pact that we were always going to be best friends. But then grandma got ill when we were just about to start year one and we moved to orange county… Since then, every year I send them each post card and souvenir from orange county for their birthdays. And they send me for mine. And we video chat and every time we travel somewhere… I sent them post cards from Khao Lak before the… the…"

Seth's voice went quieter and more serious- none of us ever wanted to think about what was the end of that sentence.

But it was that that suddenly reminded me of something when I saw Seth leaned against his arm.

"I remember there was some things you always talked about what you wanted to be or do… And one of the things you wanted and came back to you. I don't know if it will be impressive for them like it was then. But you had a cast before and now you have a splint." I pointed to the arm splint Seth still had to wear before his arm had healed properly. "Remember, one of the things you all three wanted was to have a cast. And well now you… used to have one."

Seth only looked down silently on his arm as if it hadn't hit him before. But then he seemed to remember more.

"Its been a while since we chatted though… a long while. They're always together, of course. But maybe they forgot about me."

"I'm sure they didn't forget about you Seth." I said just as the cab turned into the right street downtown. "And I know you want to go right now, already tonight and see them but it's a bit late and we'll just go to the hotel for now. But then, when you hopefully do meet tomorrow they will remember you just as much as you remember them."

The car turned silent for a few seconds while the driver turned up right in front of the hotel we were staying at.

"I hope so at least."

"I'm sure they will… here." I paid the driver. "We can take things on our own from here."

"I hope so…" Seth said again and took the trunk that carried his and Ryan's stuff. "This is heavy…"

Without neither I or Kirsten having said anything about it Ryan had taken the bag and hung it around his shoulders so he could carry it. Seth looked down on his empty hands- he wanted to make things harder for Ryan just as little as I or Kirsten wanted to and had just made a comment.

When Ryan had pulled the bag so it hung steady around his shoulders and took his crutches again no one had even asked him about it…

He did have a way with not complaining…

Seth was another story…..

Oh well…

Seth ran forward and opened the door for us all. I nodded and smiled thanks and sensed it as Seth came after me while I walked up to the front desk and a woman that stood on the other side of it.

"Welcome."

"Thank you… Cohen."

"Two rooms?" She pressed something in his computer, I nodded and she took some small plastic cards from behind her. "These are the keys. You just hold them to the card to the lock on the door like you would a regular key. The door both lock as soon as it's closed. We have extra keys in case you'd get locked in but please try not to." The pleading look in the clerk spoke everything about what had happened when people had been locked out of their rooms all at once. "Third floow, the elevator's right there…" She pointed. "The stairs further down the hallway… Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"When's the breakfast? What do we have for breakfast?"

Barely had she finished the question. But it did look like she was used to people who were at least as excited as Seth.

"We have everything for breakfast you can imagine. And it's right in the restaurant…" She pointed. "In between seven and ten… I'd be excited too if I were you. The breakfast is the best part of staying at a hotel. Right?"

"Yes!"

Seth would probably have liked to say more but I noticed more people were coming behind us and decided to cut him off.

"Let's go. We have to check our rooms and if we don't go to bed now it will never be morning."

I was relieved when Seth seemed to get the hint and hurried in front of the rest to us to the elevator.

I knew that most people would probably have liked to be at a hotel with big rooms and view over the ocean. We saw quite enough of that at home and I had booked two smaller rooms- one for the boys. And one for me and Kirsten.

I knew we had come to the hotel in Thailand too. But after the trauma the memory loss were too many and too long for me to remember anything from before oiur plane lifted from Orange County.

But then, as we left the elevator and came into a dark-red painted hallway with golden details the colors sent me right back half across the earth in a flashback I hadn't seen before.

Flashback

"The best part of staying at a hotel is always the breakfast."

"Your grandma Rose used to always think so too." Kirsten said while we went to help Seth get his bag into his room. "She loved hotel breakfasts."

"I love it when I'm like her. Even though it's just small things. Now it will be great fun having my own hotel room. I mean. I always have my own room at home. But I really didn't think you would let me have my own hotel room."

"That doesn't mean…" I started, but I wasn't so sure what I was hoping for actually. "That you can spread your things all over the room. Or leave things dirty, Just leave your things like you would if I and mum came to see it- which we will. When you least expect it?"

"In the middle of the night?"

"Oh…" I smirked. "You bet!"

Kirsten only laughed slightly and shook her head at us as if she wanted to say "boys!"

"Now, can you go away and I can have my own hotel room?"

I laughed, but took a key to his room and then left the room. Heading towards my and Kirsten's that was on the other side of the hallway.

"Are you sure this was a good idea?" Kirsten asked. "Something doesn't feel right."

"He'll be fine." I unlocked the door and with a relieved sigh after all the long travelling and stressful work felt it running off. "We'll all be fine."

The door barely had the time to close behind us and I laid the key cards and bags away before I laid my hand against Kirsten's neck and looked her deep into the eyes.

"Of course. This also means that you and I are alone."

Kirsten didn't look as secure as I felt and looked towards the door.

"Seth could suddenly come and he's got the key to our door."

"I don't think we have to worry about that. And besides, we'll probably hear it when the door unlocks…" I chuckled slightly. "…Although I wouldn't be so sure about that last."

The worried look faded away from my wife's eyes as I spoke. And neither of us had ever cared for any problems as little as we did in that hotel room, December the twenty third in 2004.

We couldn't get our clothes off fast enough. Not while Kirsten walked backwards towards the bed so we didn't have to let go.

In that moment our biggest worry had been whether we'd be alone or not.

Still little did we know what was about to happen. Not about was what far out at sea. And not what was about to happen inside of Kirsten.

Little did I know how I'd suddenly remember this…

End of flashback

"Sandy…" At last Kirsten's voice pulled me back to reality, here and now. "Sandy? Sandy?"

"Oh…" I shook my head and realized I had stopped in the hallway in between our room and the boys'. "Sorry. I just dreamed away and remembered something." I took the key- card to our door. "Here we are. Now, our room should have one bigger bed." I opened the door. "Yes… after you." I took a step away from the door and let her go in first. "I don't know why I booked such small rooms. If you want a bigger one I can just go to the reception and try and get something else."

"It's perfect. Just the right one." I suddenly noticed how tired she looked before she turned away from me. "Don't worry. I just need to lie down for a bit."

I felt a frown form in my forehead, don't worry- that was easier said than done.

"Are you okay?" I sat down next text to her and stroke a hand over her head. "You don't feel warm I think. Is it the baby? You're awfully pale."

"I'm fine." Kirsten smiled tiredly. "Just a bit tired…You have to remember. Right now all my energy must be enough for two. Now…" she got up even though she couldn't have been down for as much as two minutes. "I think I'll go for a short walk and then call it for an early night."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No… You stay here with the boys." She smiled slightly. "It feels so strange saying that- the boys…. Our boys." She looked down and ran a hand over her belly. "And then a third one growing in here."

"Still think it's a boy?"

"It's too soon to find out really but yes. I do still think he's a boy. It just feels like he is. I'm going now." She took a couple of steps closer to the door. "But I was just thinking. Now the first trimester is almost over, maybe it's almost time to tell the boys."

Jack and Maddie looks like Max Charles and Chloe Lea.

I can't remember if Ryan was a tad afraid of flying in the series or if that was only in the book. It was there anyway.

For Ryan's birthday in the series, I googled and some say September and some March. The year is moved slightly to fit into the story.

Seth loving hotel breakfast and Kirsten saying he gets that from his grandma is based on reality. Hotel breakfasts are great. And when I stayed at a hotel a year ago with my mum she told me my late uncle thought so too. Which made me happy because he was great and more people should be at least a little more like him.

Random fact

If I hear one more person telling me how safe flying is I might snap. I am terribly, severely, desperately aviophobic (Afraid of flying) and that ain't going to change any time soon. I'm sorry, it's just not.