Chapter 37 – I'm Never Changing Who I Am
Note: Chapter Title from Imagine Dragon's song 'It's Time'
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters.
Now that that's out of the way, let's begin…
Last time,
Severus smiles slightly, "What happened is James Potter being right, one last time." The others look at him in confusion. "There's no such thing as one horror too many when it comes to the people you love, not to Re. And I'm not sure I agree with that, I think that frame of mind has caused Remus a lot of pain over the years. But Alastor, you warned them that Re might not come back from what happened." Severus shrugs, thinking of the progress Remus has slowly but surely been making over the last few months. "I think he just did."
Now,
When Lucius walks into Voldemort's office, it's to find him pacing back and forth in front of his desk.
"My Lord?"
Voldemort looks over as he stops pacing, pain in his eyes. He reaches out towards Lucius who shuts the door and immediately walks over, taking Voldemort's hand in his. Lucius leans back against the desk, keeping hold of Voldemort's hand.
"What's happened?" Lucius asks him.
"I just heard from our spy." Lucius raises an eyebrow as Voldemort again looks pained. "Dumbledore believes that I've cast the Moral Reversal Spell on Harry."
"But you didn't," Lucius points out.
"Yes, I know that. But the fact remains he had a very quick change of heart. He didn't argue against handing the Weasley girl over to me. This is the same boy who argued near endlessly over every bloody thing he could the last time we saw him. Suddenly he does everything I say?" Voldemort shakes his head, "I might not have cast it on him, but I think someone did. And if it wasn't me, and it wasn't Dumbledore, then there's only one other possibility."
Lucius raises an eyebrow before he realises what Voldemort is hinting at, "Inimicus."
"The children said so themselves, if Harry were to join Inimicus, most of Hogwarts would follow. Here we've been, fighting over him with Dumbledore, totally ignoring the fact that he's a powerful ally for everyone, and we are no longer the only players."
"So what are you going to do?" Lucius asks, tugging Voldemort gently to be closer to him until he can wrap an arm around his waist.
Voldemort sighs, "Dumbledore's people won't stop trying to cure him, and since we know it's possible from Bella's defection…" Voldemort shakes his head, "Eventually they'll succeed. If I have him do anything before that happens, he'll never forgive me."
"You've already given him a task."
"We have to stop him before he does it."
Lucius frowns, "He won't take well to being sidelined. Morals reversed or not, that part of his personality is unchangeable. I would quite literally bet my life on it."
"We can't let him leave, we can't risk Inimicus getting his hands on him."
"What if he already has? Who knows how long the spell has been on him, he was behaving…irrationally at the end of the school term, as I told you."
Voldemort shakes his head, moving away from Lucius and continuing his pacing, "We can't trust him with knowledge of our own actions, we can't let him leave, we have to make sure he is in contact with no one."
"The last time you tried to hold him prisoner didn't go so well," Lucius points out.
"It will be different this time. He won't even know we're doing it." Voldemort looks over and sees the concerned look on Lucius' face. He walks towards him, gently cupping his face, "Trust me," He requests. Lucius nods, Voldemort leans forward and kisses him gently. "Good."
"What of the Order? Will you stop them when they try to cure him?"
Voldemort shakes his head, "In fact, I intend to offer my help."
Harry suddenly opens the door and walks in, freezing in shock when he sees their position. "…note to self…knock."
"How is that not already a habit of yours?" Voldemort asks irately as he steps away from Lucius.
"It's not like it's a bedroom!" Harry defends.
"Did you need something, Harry?" Lucius asks him, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Yes, so, I have a plan to get Ginny here," Harry begins.
"Actually, hold off on that," Voldemort tells him.
Harry frowns, "But…my plan," He says, holding up a bit of rolled up paper.
"Do you want to capture her?" He asks his son.
"I want to make you proud, Father. And also I spent most of the night working on this," Harry admits.
Lucius frowns. Based on his interactions with Harry since being here, he wasn't sure he agreed with his Lord's theory of the Moral Reversal Spell. But taking into account his actions at Hogwarts and now, well, this…suddenly it all seems plausible.
Voldemort walks over, putting his hands on Harry's shoulders, "I am proud of you, Harrison. But this is not the life I said you would have when you agreed to stay with me. We're leaving Malfoy Mansion, we're moving to my Manor. You and I, just like I promised."
Harry looks shocked, then frowns, "What about Lillie?"
"You friend will be with Greyback for the time being, when she returns you will of course be able to see her." Harry hesitates a moment, then nods, smiling causing Lucius to frown as several pieces fit together in his head. "Go pack your things," Voldemort tells him. Harry rushes out to go and do just that. "Keep an eye on him," Voldemort orders Lucius who nods and follows Harry out the door.
Lucius catches up to Harry in his room, knocking on the door frame since the door was open. Harry looks up from where he's pulling clothes out of the dresser.
"Lord Malfoy, hi. Do you happen to have a trunk I can borrow? I didn't exactly have a chance to pack for coming here," Harry tells him.
"You're not under the Moral Reversal Spell." Harry looks up in genuine confusion. Lucius rubs at the bridge of his nose, "The spy we have in the Order reported that Dumbledore believes your Father cast the Moral Reversal Spell on you. Knowing that he didn't, your Father now believes Inimicus cast it on you."
"Dumbledore doesn't believe that. The rest of the Order might, but not him," Harry says, returning to placing folded clothes on his bed.
Lucius frowns, "Why are you so sure?"
"Because Dumbledore's the one who cast it on me," Harry tells him. Lucius is shocked silent for so long that Harry looks back over to him. "It was cast on me."
"How was the spell lifted?" Lucius asks.
"What makes you so certain it was?"
"You hate Dumbledore," Lucius tells him, "You did before and you still do. Your morals are no different than they were the last time you were here."
Harry nods, "There's a way. But I can't tell you how, it's…not a feasibly repeatable fix."
"Harry, this is getting messy and out of control very quickly," Lucius warns him, eyes filled with a kind of cold concern.
"Well what would you suggest?" Harry asks, frowning. Lucius is right and he knows it.
"Get out of here. Run, hide. You are caught in a tug of war on three sides and they will all go to great, and dangerous, lengths to get control of you. For Merlin's sake, Albus Dumbledore cast the Moral Reversal Spell on you! Now your Father plans on keeping you in his mansion, without contact outside of it, to keep Inimicus from getting you and keep you from doing anything you'll regret when you're 'cured'."
"Hey, it's not like I wanted any of this to happen to begin with!" Harry defends, crossing his arms after throwing the clothes he was holding onto the bed.
"So leave. Leave before you can't anymore."
Harry narrows his eyes, then Lucius catches a glimmer of pain from within them. "And if I'm not in as much danger as you think?"
Lucius shakes his head, "No voice modulator will protect you," Lucius tells him, earning a wide-eyed shock Harry doesn't quite manage to cover. "Run."
"I can't leave Lillie."
"So long as she remains useful, she will be safer than you. She'll be safer without you. I'll get her out the moment I can."
Harry hesitates for a moment, "Leave with her when you do."
Lucius sighs, shaking his head. "Can you get a message to the Order somehow?" Lucius asks him quietly, Harry nods. "Then you should warn them, The Dark Lord knows where Pettigrew and his family are, and he knows he's the Secret Keeper."
"Who is the mole, Lucius? If you want to help, tell me that."
"I don't know," Lucius tells him.
"Is Dray's broom here?" Harry asks.
Lucius nods, "It's in his room."
Harry freezes for a moment, then ducks in and hugs Lucius. "Thank you, Lord Malfoy, for everything."
Lucius hugs him, then pulls back and looks him in the eye, "Whichever of us sees Draco first hugs him for the other?"
Harry smiles and nods, "Deal." Then he grabs his wrapped up Inimicus suit and hurries from the room, grabbing Draco's broom before he flies out of the window at top speed without looking back.
Lucius hurries down the stairs to find Voldemort. "My Lord, Harry, he…" Lucius trails off, "What's happened?" He asks as he takes in Voldemort sitting behind his desk looking at an unopened letter.
"Corella Zabini is dead."
Harry flies over fields, doing everything he can to keep out of sight. Eventually he reaches a town, ducking into a side street before he dismounts. Looking around, he's relieved to find a payphone. He calls Severus' phone.
"Hello?" Severus asks in confusion as he answers his phone. Benni looks up in confusion from the homework her Papa had been helping her with. Severus shrugs at her.
"Okay so shit has hit the absolute fan," Harry begins without preamble.
"H-" Severus begins to say before he's cut off.
"Just shut up for a second! They know about Pettigrew, they know he's your secret keeper, and they know where he and Bridget live. They know about Rema. You have got to get them out of there. And for God's sake, find that fucking mole!" Harry tells him before he hangs up. He gets the Knight Bus to another location, flies for a bit more, and eventually ends up at Potter Mansion.
"Master Potter!" The houselves all greet, Dobby moving forward with Delphini in his arms.
Harry looks at his baby sister, taking her in his arms. He looks back at the house elves. "Looks like I'll be staying for a while," He tells them. They seem happy, and as he looks around the Mansion he feels the warmth that once inhabited it. He looks down at his sister again. "I'll fix this for you, all of it, I swear."
Severus stares down at the phone after the line disconnects, then he jolts up, sprinting into the dining room where Moody, Tonks, Sirius, and Ginny are talking about old stories that he's fairly certain Molly wouldn't want Ginny hearing.
"Severus?" Sirius asks in concern as he all but flies into the room.
"The Pettigrews, we need to get them here. Now!"
None of them hesitate, even Ginny doesn't complain about staying behind, knowing the precious time that would eat up. Instead, she collects Order members, getting Mary to call for the others.
By the time Moody and the others get back, the Order, and Remus, is waiting to find out what the hell is going on.
"The mole told Voldemort who the secret keeper is," Severus tells them, gesturing at Peter, "and where he lives." He internally begins trying to find out what the fuck he's supposed to say when they ask how he knows that. Because the mole is in this room too, and whatever he says, they will hear as well.
"Shit," Kingsley mutters, rubbing his hands over his face.
"How did you know?" Mary asks, arms crossed and frowning, obviously off-put by the reminder of this mole they've been unable to uncover.
"I got tipp-" Severus trails off, eyes widening slightly as though he'd just had an epiphany.
"What have you just worked out?" Arthur asks him, curious but also worried about the entire situation.
"A potion. I think we can cure Harry with a potion," Severus tells them, eyes flitting back and forth slightly, pretending to be thinking over possibilities, "and I think I know what to make."
"…well go do it then!" Remus tells him, the others nodding. Severus nods, rushing out of the room.
Moody huffs as he drops into a chair, others following suit. "We need to find this spy."
A few hours later, Severus comes back with a random harmless potion he's whipped up. "I've got it!"
"You're sure it'll work?" Sirius asks, grabbing the potion from him.
"Of course not, it's never been tested. But it's all we've got."
"How do we get it to him?" Del asks, "We can't just waltz into Malfoy Manor."
Sirius looks up with a steel glint in his eye. "Desperate times," He says, moving towards the floo.
"Sirius!" Del calls loudly, everyone rushing after him.
Severus, Remus, and George exchange panicked looks. No non-reaper can be the one to do it.
Severus leans over, a sad look in his eye, "If I don't come back…make sure the kids know I love them," He tells Remus who looks back with shock.
"Sev, you can'-" Severus ignores him.
He grabs Sirius by the shoulder, "Harry needs a Dad to come home to," He tells him, grabbing the potion from his hand.
"No one is going like this!" Molly screeches at the idiots around her. Sirius looks Severus in the eye, then he nods.
Severus jumps into the floo and goes to Malfoy Manor amidst the yelling of the entire Order telling him not to.
Severus skids out of the floo and into the entry hall of Malfoy Manor, raising his hands as Death Eaters immediately point wands at him.
It's mere moments before Voldemort and Lucius come to see what the kerfluffle is about.
"Severus? Now this is a surprise," Voldemort tells him.
"I can cure Harry. I know you know he's cursed," Severus explains, hoping enough of Tom is present to let him do so, "I can fix him. Let me help your Son."
Voldemort crosses his arms as he looks him over.
Lucius leans towards Voldemort slightly, "You did say you would help them do so," He reminds quietly.
Voldemort nods and sighs, looking at the ground before back up at Severus, "Yes, unfortunately, Harry isn't here."
Severus raises an eyebrow, genuine shock on his face, "What are you talking about? Where is he?"
"We don't know," Lucius tells him, "He ran off."
"We think he picked up on the fact that we knew he was cursed. We were going to, how is it Muggles put it, 'bench' him," Voldemort explains, using a muggle phrase to emphasise Severus' place in society. Now no longer a Death-Eater and instead just another half-blood who Voldemort will not hesitate to kill.
"Shit," Severus mutters.
Lucius looks at Voldemort, pulling a letter out of his jacket pocket and raising an eyebrow in question.
Voldemort nods again, "Severus, today, because your intent is to help my son and you cannot do so while dead, I am going to let you leave."
Severus looks at him in suspicion, "Why would you do that?"
He takes the letter from Lucius and gives it to Severus, "So that you may pass on a letter from Corella to her son. A traitor though he may be, she served me well."
"Served, past tense?" Severus asks, as he takes the letter and sees Blaise's name on it in Corella's hand-writing.
"Her body was found this morning."
"How did she die?" Severus asks in shock, shoving the letter into his pocket.
Lucius looks to the ground in grief, "Suicide. We don't know why."
"I suggest you leave now," Voldemort tells him, nodding to the floo behind him.
Severus hesitates a moment more, then leaves. He floos to the house in France first, and then back to the Fortress. Paranoid, perhaps, given the Fidelius charm, but he's taking no chance.
"Severus!" Practically everyone in the room calls as he steps back through. He leans on the wall for a moment, shock in every line of his body.
"Well, what happened? Where's Harry? Did it work?" Sirius asks in rapid fire.
"Let him breathe, Sirius!" Mary tells him.
"EVERYBODY SHUT IT!" Del yells. Instant silence falls over the room. "Sev, what's wrong?" Everyone looks to Severus, only now noticing the shock on his face, but also the weariness and the grief.
Severus takes a deep breath, "Um, Harry ran off. Voldemort tried to take him out of the war when he realised the curse he was under, and Harry didn't take kindly to that. He ran, they don't know where he is."
"Why did they let you go?" George asks as everyone processes that.
Severus is silent for a moment before he looks up at them all, "I need to talk to Blaise."
"Sev, what happened?" Remus demands.
He looks back at him, "It's Corella." Severus looks down at his hands as he pulls out the note, "She left a letter for Blaise. Lucius asked me to deliver it."
Everyone falls silent again as they realise what happened.
"Merlin," Mr Polka mutters under his breath.
"Go, both of you," Moody tells Severus and Remus who quickly exit the room.
"Well," Sirius says after a moment, "This has been a trying few days."
Remus knocks on the door of the Bedroom Blaise and Draco are sharing.
"Come in!" Draco's voice calls. They enter to see most of the kids watching an intense chess match between Blaise and Ron.
"Blaise," Severus states. All the kids look over in concern at the tone.
Blaise frowns, taking in the expression on their faces. He's not sure how to describe it, but it worries him. "What's going on?"
Severus and Remus exchange looks before looking back at him, "We need to talk."
"About what?" Blaise demands.
"About your Mother."
The other kids exchange looks behind a shell-shocked Blaise. "We'll give you the room," Pansy tells them, taking Hermione's hand as they all filter out.
Remus and Severus sit down beside Blaise who looks back and forth between them in concern.
"What happened to her?"
"…She's dead, Blaise," Severus tells him, to the point but gentle.
Blaise nods, "Yeah, picking up on that, I more meant what idiotic thing did she do?" he asks, anger but also tears in his voice.
Remus puts an arm around his shoulders, "Are you sure you want to know that?" Blaise nods. Remus looks to Severus who sighs and nods.
"She killed herself, Blaise. We don't know why. But she left a note for you that might shed some light on that."
Blaise looks at the letter Severus is passing him, taking it with shaking hands. He shakes his head, not able to believe what he's hearing. "She wouldn't have. Not…not that, no," He tells them, looking between them again as tears start falling from his eyes. Severus and Remus hold him as close as they can manage as he cries.
When he calms a bit, they pull back slightly. Blaise looks at the letter before he shakes his head. "Could I have a minute alone to read it?" He asks them, they seem hesitant but nod.
"We'll be right outside," Remus tells him. Blaise nods but he's not really focusing on them anymore.
Once the door closes, Blaise opens the letter.
Blaise,
I apologise that I could find no way to tell you this in person, but still I find I cannot take necessary action until I am sure you will know.
With my death will no doubt be a recurrence of curiosity about your Father's. It is likely you will hear old theories that many held. They, including your dear Severus and Lord Malfoy, believe I was the one to murder your Father.
I swear to you, Blaise, this is not true.
They think I married your Father for his money, but that is not true either. The Zabinis hid it well but after an incident involving the Parkinsons, both families were left in a similar situation of financial crisis. Your Father's family had little money, at least in comparison to how it was perceived amongst Pureblood circles.
I did not marry Ray for his money, I did it because I loved him.
During our argument you raised some good points. I have not been a good Mother to you. But you were wrong as well. You said that I have never loved you and that could not be more wrong. When you were born, your Father and I were so happy. We wanted the world for you.
I still do.
After your Father died, something inside of me broke. All those partners I had, everyone was right. It was their money I was after, we had none and I wanted to give you a good life. I have never had prospects for jobs, Blaise, but this I could do. I did whatever I had to to give you the best chance I could.
And that is what I am doing now.
Remus and Severus are your guardians now, your family. Just like you wanted. They will look after you, be the parents to you that I never could just as they have always been. A loving family is the last thing I can do for you, but I find that I cannot sign the adoption papers.
I cannot be alone.
So, with my death, I give you the life you should have had. One with a loving Father, or in this case two. One with warmth and safety. One free from bigotry and hatred.
Though I have no right to ask anything of you, I do have one last request.
Believe me. Like no one else ever did.
With ever-lasting love,
Mama
Blaise stares at the letter for long moments after he reads it. "You idiot," he mutters as more tears fall, "I didn't want the adoption, I wanted you to try harder to be a better mother." He rolls his eyes, "You weren't supposed to give up, you stupid woman." He holds the letter close to him, hugging it in a way he can no longer hug her, not that that ever really happened anyway. "I believe you, Mama. I believe you, and I love you."
Blaise gets up, walking to the door and opening it. He finds Severus leaning on a wall and Remus sitting against it, talking quietly between themselves though they shut up as the door opens and both stand up. Blaise just moves forward, hugging them both. They hug him back without hesitation. In this moment Blaise is more sure of two things than he ever has been before.
He is loved
And he is not alone.
Note:
Okay so I was wrong, Harry's plan didn't make it into this chapter.
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Sorry :/
Also thanks to the anonymous guest who left a review yesterday about when I was going to update, it finally prompted me to actually do so. ?
