One for Sorrow
Pairing: McRoll
Spoilers for season 10 - Episode 7
Chapter - 45
It was always a hard moment for Steve, driving up to the cemetery knowing he was about to visit with his father whom had been taken far too early.. For a long time, he hated Victor Hesse for being the one to pull the trigger, but even more, when he learnt the truth, he began to hate Wo Fat even more.. He had not seen his Dad a lot as an adult and it was a regret now that he had, which is why he often went to see him at the cemetery, to try his best to make up for not seeing him enough as an adult.
Joan had insisted on buying some white roses for the grandfather she had never met on the way and of course Steve obliged even if there were expensive, he had a soft spot when it came to his niece and there was nothing he wouldn't do for her. She had even kept two white roses back in the truck so that she could throw it into the harbour for her grandfather and great-grandfather.
Sitting down on the grass first, Steve gently pulled Joan into his lap so her dress wouldn't get stained, and she sat with him, his chin snuggled gently onto her shoulder as they both sat there for a few moments in silence.. Steve rocking them back and forth gently as the breeze moved her blonde hair as they swayed.. He had only taken four very important women in his life to this cemetery and no one else.. Mary, Aunt Deb, Catherine and now Joan..
It wasn't long before Joan wriggled out of his lap and walked to where the vase was planted in the ground just at the head of the gravestone, Catherine had been the one to think of doing that since she and Mary always brought flowers when they visited his gravesite and it was one that a lot of other Solider's families followed on as well as it seemed a lot of other gravesites also had a vase now planted in the ground.
Deciding not to disturb her, Steve watched along silently as he observed her gently and carefully taking the old dried and dead flowers out, reached for the bottle of water she had with her, and poured some water into the vase, and then carefully put the white roses in the vase, arranging them so they looked spread out, Steve held his hand out to take the dead flowers from her so he could dispose of them properly once they had finished their visit.
Once this was complete, Steve who was generally able to hold back the tears for the most part found himself glad he was wearing sunglasses as her now whispered words just for her grandfather that he could still just hear made his heart fill with love and warmth for this little girl who had come into their lives at just the right time. She was crouched down, and caressing the memorial plate, "I love you Papa, Mommy gave me a photo of you, Nanny, Mommy and Uncle Steve to put by my bed", he struggled to understand how a little girl had so much wisdom and knowledge but he mused it could have come from the fact she herself was given a second chance at having a family..
From what he understood, Joan's biological parents couldn't keep her.. Her mother was only sixteen and came from a religious family that abhorred the fact their daughter had gotten pregnant at such a young age and out of wedlock as they called it.. Her father had also wanted to keep her but was only seventeen at the time as well, and his own parents made him sign away the rights to his own children as well. Neither family believed in abortion but neither wanted their child to keep the baby either..
Steve might have been a little hesitant when Mary first brought Joan to Hawaii, unsure of what to think about his little baby sister whom he didn't really know as an adult take on motherhood as a single mother alone, but it turned out to be the best decision she had ever made..Becoming a mother made her more mature and responsible herself, and he had to admit, he loved the role of Uncle as well. He was already playing the role to Grace Williams and Charlie Williams and even Sara Diaz and it was a role he just threw himself into, and though he loved it, he couldn't wait to give them all a cousin when he and Catherine became parents one day.
Once she was finished, she came back down and sat on Steve's lap, snuggling into him.. He could sense she was a little teary as well, and found it amazed him that a little girl that didn't get to meet her grandfather still had such strong emotions attached to his Dad. He coughed a little to get the lump out of his throat and smiled softly, leaning forward and giving her a kiss on her cheek, "Love you Uncle Steve", she whispered as she turned around in his arms and gave him a big hug, his arms wrapping around his little niece gently as he hugged her back, "Love you too Joanie".
She stayed there for a while, being quiet and reflective and then moved back to sit in her Uncle's lap, one arm still around his neck, knowing her Uncle wanted a chance to talk as well.. "Well, Dad, another year without you.. I miss you so much.. I told you about Mom last time I was here.. I hope she is up there with you, where you two can have the life you never really got to live here on Earth together.. I know she hurt us and betrayed us, but she is still Mom, and I will always still love her.. and if she is up there with you.. please forgive her.. and tell her we all say hello and we miss her already".
His voice chocked up a little, he coughed again to get the lump away from his throat, and Joan seemed to know that her Uncle was struggling with his emotions and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek and hugged him tighter, not saying anything but just reassuring her Uncle it was okay to be sad. She was so much wiser then her years, that was for sure.
They spent a little more time together there, Steve telling Joan more about her grandfather and grandmother before he finally decided it was time to go visit the Pear Harbour memorial and visit with his grandfather.. "Okay pumpkin, how about we go see the Arizona memorial at Pear Harbour, and then we can call Mommy and Aunt Catherine to make sure we don't need to pick anything else up before we head home".
He smiled at the way his niece delicately kissed her fingers and then touched her fingers to the engraved tile with Join's name on it. They had it amended when Joan came along to mention he was now a grandfather as well, it was something that Steve always wished his father could be apart of, little Joanie's life.. He would have loved it.
Steve then followed suit, kissing a penny and then setting it on the grave, sighing softly, realising again, not for the first time that both his parents really were gone and all he had left of his biological family was Mary.. Sometimes it made him feel a little bit of melancholy from time to time, but he was always quick to remember the fact he had made a whole new family on the island and that while they might be his biological family, they were still his family.
Standing up with Joan in his arms, he sighed once more as he looked at the grave site, his shoulders shrugging in sadness as he moved, and then turned around and headed to the car.. He might have had Daddy issues so some might say, but he still loved and respected his father especially now that he knew exactly the reasons that John had sent Mary and himself to the mainland.. He couldn't do the same to his own children one day when he and Catherine had a family but he understood his reasons now while when he was a kid he didn't.
Author Notes.
I always feel like I want to start this note of to say thank you to all my readers and followers who continue to read and review, follow, favourite my stories. It really helps me to gain an idea on if my stories are being well received or not and if it weren't for you guys, then I'd probably never continue to write. Writing is a huge passion of mine and I always love getting inspired with stories especially with Hawaii five-o stories. Hawaii five-o has been my passion for a couple of years now and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon even though it's now off the air.. I still watch the show on iTunes regularly as I have purchased every season.
I have taken some time to re-read the last couple of chapters of this story just to make sure I remembered where I was up to and how to create these next two chapter 45 and 46 perfectly. These are longer chapters mainly because I didn't want to just skip over them without getting into some detail of feelings and emotions.. I wanted them to have feeling to them, weight and a meaning to them.. I'm aware that this chapter is based around Thanksgiving 2019 and it is nearly Thanksgiving 2020, but I just can't seem to stop writing on this one.. I am always inspired by this one, as it was a major part of why Steve decided to leave the team for a while to go find himself. I might still do that with this particular story, have him go and do that, but with Catherine there the whole time in this storyline. I have another story dedicated to the ending of the show when Catherine showed up on the plan as well if anyone wants to read that too.
