A TRICK OF THE LIGHT
Chapter Thirty Eight
"Close friends are truly life's treasures."
(Vincent Van Gogh)
-x0x-
For a skinny fellow, Merlin was surprisingly heavy. "Unless I'm more exhausted than I thought," Gwaine admitted as he tried to extricate himself. In the end, after failing several times and feeling quite embarrassed by his struggle, he resorted to a clumsy push-and-roll technique. His fingers were numb and his arms had little strength left in them but, at long last, he managed to tip Merlin over and gain his own freedom.
"Where's that pesky wisp when I need him?" the knight complained. "Now would have been the perfect time for someone – mentioning no names – to fly off and fetch Gaius. Oh, that's right. You're up there with your tiny friends, saving the kingdom, aren't you? A poor excuse." He gave a weary grin of resignation. "And once more, Sir Gwaine, the Reluctant Hero, rises to the challenge." Talking to himself (or rather, the absent wisp) in this flippant way served to bolster his spirits. The stairwell and the nice, damp corridor beckoned, spiders and all. Gwaine clambered to his feet and pondered his next problem: how to get Merlin inside.
Push-and-roll had worked well enough the first time but he really didn't fancy pushing the young man down the stairs and watching him roll to the bottom. Gwaine tilted his head, considered the angles, estimated the weight of his friend… and opted for a new plan, which he decided to call 'drag-and-dangle'.
Hooking Merlin by the armpits, he pulled him along the parapet, through the melting snow, until they reached the trapdoor. That was the easy part. Gwaine took several deep breaths before attempting the next manoeuvre. "You can do this," he muttered.
Merlin twitched like a dog chasing rats in its sleep, but did not wake. Had he paid for his magical exertions with a temporary loss of consciousness? Or was there a 'medicinal' reason for his stupor? Probably both, Gwaine realised, with sympathy.
"When I see Robin again, I'm going to have a serious conversation with him about the downside of dosing his friends without their permission," the knight grumbled, as he hoisted Merlin onto his shoulder and swayed like a man at the end of a three-day drinking binge. (Not that he knew how that felt, of course. Perish the thought.)
The awkward journey downwards, away from the lights and the biting cold, was a bumpy affair. Gwaine bounced off the wall at every turn – for balance, he insisted – and there were several occasions when he almost lost his footing altogether, catching himself at the very last moment, with a gasp and a jolt of panic. Still, Fortune seemed to be favouring him tonight because somehow they made it all the way to the bottom without breaking their skulls, or any other precious parts of their anatomy. Gwaine stumbled into the corridor and set Merlin down with his back against the mouldy wall. Then he dropped to the floor beside him and let out a groan of relief. Even that didn't wake the sleeping sorcerer.
Gwaine closed his eyes. It was bliss to let go; to feel the tension sinking through his weary limbs until it drained away altogether. To know that his task was done. To know that he had been there for his friend when it counted, and helped, in some small way, to protect the home they both loved.
To be at peace.
Only one thought lingered, and Gwaine indulged it freely. Like a waking dream, it took him on a mental journey through the course of his friendship with Merlin, from tavern to citadel, casting a clear new light on every past adventure.
If he was being perfectly honest with himself, Gwaine felt ashamed that it had taken him this long to discover the young man's secret. Call yourself a man of the world, he thought scornfully. His own supply of luck had always been plentiful and he had simply accepted that Merlin was equally blessed. But now, with the benefit of hindsight, he could see how blind the knights, the king and everyone had been. (Except for Gaius, that crafty old goat. Gwaine could be perceptive enough, once his suspicions were aroused. He would stake every coin he possessed on his wager that Merlin's guardian knew the truth.)
"You're quite the deceiver," he told his sleeping friend, with no small measure of admiration.
Merlin shifted and his eyelids fluttered. "What…?"
Gwaine chuckled. "I asked if you were going to sleep forever," he lied. "You were snoring, by the way. Like a parcel of pigs."
"Oh. Sorry." Merlin tested his limbs and opened his blue eyes wide. "I feel heavy."
"Truer words were never spoken. But I jest," the knight conceded, once the comical beat had passed. "Here's a random thought. Did you eat or drink anything suspicious lately?"
"You too?" Merlin sighed. "Gaius or Robin?"
"Robin," was the heartfelt reply. "Who's still up there, by the way. You know; glowing."
"He's part wisp."
"You don't say."
"And a shapeshifter."
"Clearly."
"And…" Merlin hesitated. "And he has magic. But we knew that already." He was looking sideways at his friend by now. His face was shockingly pale. Gwaine had never seen fear and stubbornness mingle that way in anyone's eyes before.
The knight tipped his head back against the wall. When he spoke again, his voice was casual and his manner was perfectly calm. "Yes we did. No surprises there, then. Magic saved the day. Three cheers; end of story. Can I ask you a totally unrelated question, Merlin?"
"Yes," the young man breathed, though Gwaine suspected that the answer he truly longed to give was 'no'.
How to proceed? He would have to tread carefully.
"If you learned something about a person – something important – and he didn't know that you knew… Would you tell him?"
"Is it a good thing or… a bad thing?"
Gwaine's throat tightened. Poor Merlin, he thought. "Let's just say it's complicated. Some might find it hard to swallow – but those folk are scared, in my opinion, or just plain foolish. Unlike me."
"Wait - are you saying you're no fool?" Merlin's laugh was shaky but encouraging.
The knight nodded slyly. "That's my secret. Don't tell anyone."
"Gwaine, you know your secrets have always been safe with me," Merlin assured him earnestly.
And wasn't that the truth? But we're not trading favours here, Gwaine thought. I don't want to strike that kind of bargain with my best friend.
He needed to turn the conversation around – but Merlin had also been considering his next words, and got there first (much to Gwaine's relief, for he was floundering). "This person. Does he suspect that you know?"
"Oh, I'd say there's a distinct possibility." Gwaine raised his eyebrows and Merlin flushed.
"Then maybe…" His eyes were pleading. "Maybe that'll do for now. I'm sure he'll tell you the truth when he's ready. You know, one day."
Gwaine waited patiently. Despite his reticence, it was obvious that Merlin had more to say. No point stepping in with his dirty great boots, and trampling all over the moment. The corridor was dark and quiet. No one would disturb them here.
"The thing is," Merlin admitted finally, "some secrets… they've been hidden for so long – a lifetime, really - that it's hard to share them freely. And some secrets… well, they might seem incredible at first, but they're dangerous too. This person you're talking about…" He shook his head and looked away. Gwaine could hear the sorrow in his voice. "Perhaps he shared the truth about his destiny with someone else; someone who mattered to him just as much as you do. A brave knight, who died because of it. I…" He bit his lip. "He. He couldn't take the chance; not again… You're a good friend, Gwaine."
"So you tell me. It's not that difficult, given the circumstances." Gwaine shrugged. One more piece of the puzzle had finally slipped into place. Quietly, he shared Merlin's grief for Lancelot, their lost companion. "Thank you for your insight. You've given me a lot to think about." That was an understatement. He was fully aware that he would be reliving this conversation, and picking over the bones of it, for many nights to come. "I'll take your advice and bide my time – for now. But I sincerely hope that you…" He raised a hand to his mouth in mock-dismay. "Sorry. That this person understands I will always have his back, secret or no secret. What good is my life if I'm not allowed to risk it for the ones I love? Any knight worth his salt would feel the same way. You know what I'm saying, right, Merlin?"
"I do." Merlin's cheeks were bright red, but his eyes were shining with gratitude and relief.
Gwaine nodded. He felt satisfied, and that surprised him, yet he welcomed it with pleasure. "Enough, then. I'm ravenous. We did just save Camelot, after all. If your legs are up to it, let's go and find some food."
