Illusion is Reality
Chapter 130
-Coughing noises-
(MizBill POV)
So brother didn't want me leaving… but I still had to go home real quick. And I wasn't going to his Set so it should be fine? I was leaving my vessel there, and a small part of me still somewhat in it? Not enough to be conscious, it was more of a 'marker' as it were, so if anything happened to the 'me' here, then the rest of my consciousness would just be pulled back to that part of me and I'd be fine.
Besides, I'm stressed and I needed to do something to let off that stress before I made everyone else more upset just being around me. And for stress relief…
"YO! Facey!" I popped up in front of my angel, startling the poor thing. "BY THE STARS-!" they yelped. "My lord?! What-" they blinked their many eyes at me. I patted their head(s). "So I was thinkin' of having some combat training with my Friends so they'd be able to defend themselves without me. And I figured, what better training than being tag teamed by a god and his angel?" I grinned at them. "You in?"
Facey took a few seconds to process my words, and then all their faces lit up and they looked ecstatic. "OF COURSE MY LORD!" practically vibrated in place. Huh, they really were happy to have something to actually do for me.
Oh we were going to terrorize my friends, weren't we?
"This was a terrible idea!" Keyhole wailed as he ran as fast as his stubby legs could take him. Fireballs rained down around him and everyone else as they ran or dodged. The fireballs weren't deadly. Heck, they'd only sting a little, not even enough to burn. But they looked pretty intimidating. Facey was thrilled to be granted this 'gift' from me, in terms of a 'power' bestowed upon them by their God. Eh… I mean, all I did was give them the ability to throw non-lethal fireballs.
This was the most basic of run and dodge exercises. Once they got better at it, maybe I'll even have them do some Run and Gun?
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!" Pyronica laughed as she jumped over another fireball. "THIS WAS AN AMAZING IDEA!" PaciFire ran along, his large body incredibly nimble despite everything, flipping over another explosion. "This is one way to get exercise during my off season." he mumbled.
8-Ball was clutching Toobie to his chest as he dodged. "Must… protect… mah baby!" Toobie thought this was all a grand old time, burbling cheerfully. Hectorgon was not having a good time. "I-can't-huff-" and he flopped over. "I'm sorry everyone, it looks like… my journey ends here." he wheezed out. Teeth cried out, "Nooo! Hectorgooooon!" as dramatically as all get out.
Kryptos was heaving as he pattered along, "Get tough, get buff, get tough, get buff-" he chanted. Dunno why he bothered, chanting was less time spent breathing. And unlike me, he needed to do so.
Xanthar was having the time of his life, running right into the fireballs and smacking them back at Facey. Ammy did much the same, using his blocks to capture and shoot the fireballs back. I liked their moxy.
"Hectorgon, you're out." I floated down to pick him up. "Go get a snack and a drink." "Thanks Bill…"
Keyhole ran another lap, passing me as I settled Hectorgon into the cool healing gel kiddy pool. "Huff! Hfff!" he gasped, "B-Bill?" he asked, throwing himself to the side to dodge another fireball. "What's up?" I asked as I held up a cup of liquid hydration coolant for Hectorgon to sip from. ("I'm not a child, Bill." Hectorgon groaned as he took the cup from me. "In fact I feel quite old." he rubbed his side.)
"Is- running- all we're- gonna be doing?!" Keyhole gasped. "Of course not. This is just the basics." I floated along beside him as he ran. "Once I've got an idea of your baselines, we can start on obstacle courses, weaponry or even magic if you're into that sort of thing."
"Or Bill could just make us gigantic like that one time on the Potato planet." Teeth cackled as he ducked another fireball. I considered that. "Being gigantic and invulnerable during battle would be much easier than all this."
"Can't you- just make us- invulnerable to begin with?" Keyhole panted. I nodded. "I could, but you'd still need to learn how to escape capture. The Feds have ways of dealing with non-killable enemies."
Like being trapped forever in energy cages, or thrown in a pit of acid, or mentally tortured… there were a lot of different ways it could all go down.
I didn't like thinking about it, but those were things that could theoretically happen. As for potentially happening for real… well, I didn't like using that 'future sight' that Time Baby forced into me. It was useful, maybe. But using it always made my head hurt. And it depressed me, seeing all the possibilities. Most of them weren't very good. And even the ones that were, would have me worrying about doing anything to prevent that 'better' outcome. Heck if I know how to make things go how I want them to. And I was too afraid to actually mess around with that, because if I mess up, then I messed up. No do-overs. Really made this hard for me to know what choice was the best one. When acting would make things worse, should I even do anything at all?
Heck, I tended to change stuff without meaning to anyway. And if there was something wrong at the moment that I wanted to interfere in, I would. But the whole… planning out what to do to change the timeline? Or change things I've 'Seen' as a potential future? Those were weird. I didn't like knowing the ending, since it made it harder to change. Much better if I try my best now and then looked back on what the other options could have been. Even if I fucked up somehow, at least I'll know I fucked up without trying to cheat first and still failing.
"Anyway I've already made you somewhat more durable. Kinda had to, so you'd survive in the void of space and in a vacuum if the worst happened and you fell out of the house." I told them. We had huge windows and doors leading right into space after all. The aesthetics were nice but it was quite dangerous.
And besides, I couldn't make them invulnerable to damage since they would need to have an 'out' if they ever wanted to get away from me.
"Bill? You're-" Teeth panted as he ran. "-making that face again!"
"I don't technically have a face." I told him matter-of-factly. ("I don't either! You know what I mean!") "What face do you mean?"
Hectorgon sipped his drink before telling me, "The one where you're thinking about something that depresses you."
I mimed a cough. "It's not important."
"Bill…" Hectorgon was giving me that 'stern' expression, hands on his lower angles. "What thought are you stuck on right now?"
I could have just deflected. But even Facey had stopped tossing fireballs to listen in. I wiggled in place, looking away. "If I made you all invulnerable as well as unaging, you'd be unable to die unless I let you."
"...isn't that a good thing?" Keyhole asked, sitting down since it looked like they were given a break.
I flicked my bowtie. "Well, it would mean that if you ever got tired of living and wanted to die, you'd have to ask me to let it happen." And I didn't want to have to be part of that. I didn't want them to die. But if they wanted it, I didn't… I shook that off. Not gonna go about upsetting myself for no reason.
Keyhole twitched and I could see a few of the others faltering a bit where they stood. Uh, I brought down the mood. Quick, change the subject!
"Hey!" I glowed brightly. "You know what would be a GREAT motivator for some running?" I cackled. "BEES!"
...in retrospect, it wasn't a good idea.
I am keeping that photo I took of Facey's- erm… face(s) when the swarm went after them instead of my friends after Pyronica flared up and did a really cool 'fire-shield' sort of thing around everyone. That was super cool. Where'd she learn how to do that? Can I do that? Well, yes, of course I could. But I never thought of doing that, that way before. That was real cool. Gotta try it out sometime.
"Bill," Pyronica glared down at me as I sat in the 'I done goofed' chair. "Do you know what you did wrong?" I wiggled, unable to really look at her. "...I created a bunch of bees and they attacked you all?" I said slowly.
"No, the bees are fine. We were doing training to deal with dangers and having a random threat we couldn't predict just come at us is a really good way to test our reactions to actual danger." She shook her head. "The thing you did wrong was not get rid of the bees afterward."
I blinked. Then I looked over to the bees still swarming around us, held back only by the fire barrier that Pyronica was still keeping up. Facey was heaving on the ground as Teeth patted their face(s) and checked them over for any stings (there were none, the bees would attack, but not actually sting, I'm not entirely stupid). "Oh." I turned back to Pyronica. "Should I get rid of them?"
She nodded. "Yes Bill. We finished the exercise, so now you get rid of the bees."
See? This is why I like my Friends. They tell me what I did wrong, I don't have to keep guessing and getting frustrated when I don't get it right. I raised a hand and flicked my fingers to teleport the bees off to one of my Farming planets. Planet Blubelel was having a shortage of pollinators, after a particularly bad winter. I even transformed the bees into their local type of hummer-moths. I mean, if I already have little creatures I created, why not just move and change them instead of killing them?
Once they were gone, and Pyronica allowed the fire to go out, I turned to her expectantly. My best friend rolled her eye, but grinned. "Make a note, after the training exercise is done, remove the threats." I nodded. I didn't always remember. But she didn't mind reminding me over and over. That was nice. I liked how my friends never got frustrated with me for not remembering this kinda thing. They just remind me again each time and don't hold it against me.
I do try to remember, I do! But there are so many thoughts in my head, and sometimes it gets hard.
...wait, wasn't that what the bracer that brother made me was supposed to do? Er… I don't have that bracer here, on this side of my Door. The thing needed to be remade every time I made a new vessel (and I discarded vessels much more often here as opposed to Seb's 'set), and I just forgot to remake it. Oops.
Kinda defeats the purpose, having a thing that reminds me of stuff, when I don't remember to wear it. I-it's not like I'm incapable of remembering stuff! There are some things I DO remember! I just tend to spend a lot of time alone, working on stuff (or spying on people, or watching music videos, or catching up on Anime, or just sitting around and zoning out for hours and hours) for a few hundred years at a time before finally going off to hang out with people again.
So by the time I'm hanging out with other people again, I've kinda… forgotten about it. Not like forgotten as in that information is no longer in my head, it's just… I don't always have all the information I have on the forefront of my head at every moment. I call it up when I need to use it, and otherwise I don't have it as something I'm thinking right then. Ya know? Maybe I should endeavor to keep everything I know at the forefront at once. Though doing that tends to make me unable to really function.
But would that be better? Even if I can't really speak or move or do anything, would it be better to keep everything I know at the front of my head all the time?
...probably not.
I felt a little down on myself for not being able to know and remember everything all at once like brother could. He's just so much smarter and cooler than me. But that's what big brothers are like though. Someone to look up to and learn from because they're just so much better than me. But that's fine, because he's my big brother. So he'll protect me and teach me and take care of me. So it's fine, even if I'm not as great as he is.
Pyronica poked me.
"Auuugh!" I flailed and slapped at her hands. "The heck?!"
"You're doing that thing where you're putting yourself down again. I can tell. You get that look in your eye." Pyronica huffed. "Look, the bees aren't all that bad, compared to some other stuff you could have spawned." she gestured behind herself, "Like Ammy. One of him is bad enough."
Behind her, Amorphous Shape continuously jabbed his hands into Facey's wounds while asking, "Does this hurt? Does this hurt?" while Facey let out a bland, "OW. OUCH. OW." with each jab. My eye twitched. "Ammy, leave the poor angel alone." My son glanced over at me before putting his hands down and floating off, already bored. Facey gave me a grateful look, "THANK YOU VERY MUCH MY LORD."
I healed them with a wave of my hand. "Sorry 'bout that. Ammy's… curious." ("Pain responses are fascinating." Ammy said in his usual monotone.) "Though I'm not sure how I feel about you calling Ammy a spawn…"
"It is an accurate assessment of my existence." Ammy said as he split his blocks off from each other and sent a few off into his other blocks, teleporting them… somewhere. I wondered if I should worry more about what Ammy does with his free time. I mean, I was a little less worried about him getting hurt now, he's much older, more experienced and very good at getting away from danger. I was relieved by that, of course, if any one of us had to be the one to learn to avoid danger, it would have Ammy. I've actually never seen him get hurt or injured since that one time he got shot...
"Bill, focus." Pyronica snapped her fingers in front of me and I blinked as I refocused on her. "What were you thinking about this time?"
"...how much I appreciate Ammy." I responded as Ammy cheered a bland victory cry. "I am happy to be appreciated." Teeth snorted. "Well I think I got all the exercise I'd ever want for a week." he stretched and stuck his tongue out with a groan. "If you don't mind, I'm going back to my room to laze in bed watching the new episodes of Demon Baby Fights."
PaciFire had a very mischievous look on his face. "Well I've watched the filming and you won't believe what they had happen with GooGoo Doll-" and Teeth shrieked, running away with little feet slaps as he shouted, "NOT LISTENING! LA LA LA LAAA!"
"I'm up for another round." 8-Ball grinned as Toobie bounced on his shoulder. "Without the bees. But the fire was fun! And the running!" He reached a hand up to stroke Toobie's head. "The danger was the only issue. But I think I'll be able to get really good at protecting Toobie if I keep practicing."
I wonder if I tell him that Toobie was immune to fire damage? Ehhh he's feeling proud of being a good protector, so I shouldn't take that from him. "Alright then, prepare yourself. I may not have depth perception, but that doesn't mean I can't keep working on my aim." my hands lit on fire as I cackled. Kryptos quickly made his way to the sides of the room, where Hectorgon and the others were relaxing with some snacks and drinks. "I'm not up for a round two. I think my arms are gonna fall off." he groaned.
"Hang on a sec." Keyhole spoke up before I could fling fireballs at 8-Ball. "Bill, how good are you at the running and dodging thing?"
"Oh I'm awful at it." I admitted with no hesitation. "I'm a weakass little nerd with noodle limbs." A jock I was not. Pyronica and Teeth were giving me a weird look. Teeth leaned over to whisper to Facey, "Hey, would it be blasphemous for you to toss fire at your boss? Or…"
And Facey seemed to consider that. I blinked. "Um, this is a training exercise for you guys. Not me-"
Ah, they were all giving me that weird look now. And grinning. No, smirking.
"H-hey…" I sputtered. "T-that's not necessary! I'm immortal! I don't need to train to get stronger like that. I-I mean, I just make a new vessel anyway so there wouldn't even be a point in-"
A fireball flew past my bottom corner, I squeaked.
Facey had a wreath of fire around him. Pyronica was also flaring up with white hot flames. "Aw come on!" I groaned before I was forced to dodge. The two cackled as they began chasing. And even as I screamed and flew around, I was laughing as well.
I'm glad Facey's comfortable enough with me now to play around and tease me like the others did. I know brother would probably claim that letting my friends 'attack' me was a problem, but… to me, it was a sign that they weren't afraid of me killing them for giving back to me what I do to them when we're teasing or playing around. It was about trust. And being comfortable around each other enough to joke around without being afraid of lethal retaliation. Was that wrong? I didn't want to think so. Because it made me happy, to have them joke around with me like this.
Besides, Facey's fireballs literally cannot hurt me. And I could tell from the heat of Pyronica's fireballs that she was lowering the heat, making them all flash and no harm. I was secretly quite proud of her being able to adjust that sort of thing. I was giggling hysterically as I dropped myself to the ground so I could try running. These noodle limbs weren't very good at it, but there's something exhilarating about actually heaving myself against gravity to propel myself forward. What I'm trying to say is that I kinda enjoy running around. Sometimes.
Heck, I didn't quite get 'short of breath' from running around, now did I?
"Bill's really enjoying this, huh?" I heard Hectorgon chuckle. "Do you think it's the fire, or the running?" They discussed with each other as I ran another lap.
"Hey, if you guys have the energy to gossip, you got energy to come out here and run too!" I complained loudly as I ran past. Teeth laughed loud and hard. "Nope! We're having fun watching you go at it."
I flipped him off and he only laughed harder. He stopped laughing when I ran AT him and brought the rain of fireballs along with me. It didn't take long for me to get everyone all up and back in the game.
Eventually we were all tired out. I was flopped over Xanthar's arm as I pet him with one hand. Teeth and Hectorgon were straight up passed out. 8-Ball was heaving as Toobie bounced around on his chest because he hadn't done any exercise at all today and was hyped up on energy.
I rolled over with a groan. "Anyone else want to go and spend the rest of today in the Spa room?"
There was a chorus of """Yeees!"""
Alright, looks like we're having a spa day.
I saw Facey start to float away in the direction of the door and stretched out my hand to poke gently on one of their wings. "Where are you going?" I asked them.
"BACK OUT TO CONTINUE ACTING OUT YOUR WILL ACROSS THE MULTIVERSE?"
...erm...what did I ask Facey to do for me again? Oh right, tell people to be nice to each other and not kill or rape. Don't know if that actually did anything for anyone though. People don't seem to want to listen to Facey. Even with the 'FEAR NOT' stuff. "Well you can take a break. We're all going to the Spa room."
Facey looked so confused as we all shuffled off. I know they're not into my cooking, or eating much in general, but I still wanted to hang out with them. Besides, they were attacked by Bees. Stinging or no stinging, that was something traumatic that a good soak in the tub would work wonders for.
"Baaath time! Bathing in the Spaaaaa!" Teeth and I sang together. It wasn't a real song, just one of those random ditties one would make up to narrate what they were doing. I did it all the time whenever I didn't have a real song that fit the situation. Teeth always sang along, even making up new words. Pyronica was groaning at our deliberately off key singing.
"What's wrong Ronica~?" I sang, nudging her with an elbow. "We're go~ing to the Spa~!" Teeth slid over to the other side of her, waving his hands as he added on, "It's gonna be so much fun~" he sang. "And we don't need no suuun~"
The two of us linked hands and danced around Pyronica, I had to stretch my arms out really long for this. "We can take mud baths~" Teeth sang. Oh shit, really? Leaving me with 'baths'. Teeth was evil sometimes I swear. "So we can have all the laughs~" I added.
"You two are real shits, you know that?" Pyronica grumbled as she strode forward at her usual pace, her high heels clicking against the stone floor. Teeth and I burst out laughing. Keyhole rolled his eyes. "Do you two have to antagonize her? One of these days she's gonna step on you." We made it to the Spa room now.
"Hey, I don't kink shame." Hectorgon couldn't help but snark as he bounced past us to get to the showers. Keyhole sputtered as Teeth and I cackled louder. 8-Ball was ignoring the lot of us, as he went straight for the automatic massage chairs. He sat down with a contented groan, the many clampy hands coming out of the chair to begin squeezing and kneading at his sore muscles.
Kryptos was groaning as he tried to keep up with us. I could see him hunched over, though with how his body was set up, it was more like tilted over. "Hey, need help?" I asked. He glanced up at me and straightened up, attempting to flex his arms. "I'm perfectly fine." he lied.
I waved a hand and a large pillow floated over from the sauna section. It easily scooped up Kryptos and carried him, as he sputtered, over to his favorite sand bath section. Gotta grind and polish, am I right?
Xanthar was already jumping into the swimming pool filled with tomato soup. Was it bad that my friend was a giant loaf of bread who enjoyed soaking himself in delicious liquids? Ehhhh, as long as I don't eat them, it's all good.
Ammy's disappeared. I looked around but didn't see him. Eh, he'll come by if he needs it. He tended to go off on his own, and I wasn't too worried since he's capable of handling himself now. Heck, I still didn't know how he managed to have a block inside one of the Federation maximum security vaults. A fact I discovered when I saw him pull some very illegal and controlled material items out of a block once while looking for the remote. I'm also quite sure he's shoplifting. Which I need to break him out of the habit of. Stealing from someone specifically is fine.
...is that too 'mixed messages' for him? Eh...
I was broken out of my thoughts when Pyronica took off her cape and flung it onto me. Dammit Ronica! I'm not your clothes hanger! There was a yelp from Teeth as her shoes landed on him. Oh, she was just getting back at me and Teeth for annoying her. That's fine then.
I went to take a shower, getting Facey to come with me. "Come on, close your eyes or the water would get in." I carefully wiped them down with a soft sponge as they floated under the spray of water. They let out some pleased noises as I worked, so I considered this a victory.
"...sorry about the bees, by the way." I said softly as I carefully cleaned around their faces. Facey made a full body (face?) shrugging motion. "IT IS FINE, MY LORD. YOU ARE A GOD OF CHAOTIC DESTRUCTION AFTER ALL."
"I didn't want to be."
Facey gave me a look, but didn't seem to know how to respond to that. I finished up cleaning them and my angel thanked me graciously before going to the sauna room, curious about the point of it. I remained in the showers, letting the hot water pelt against my bricks.
"Bill?"
I looked up, seeing Pyronica standing outside my stall. She couldn't come in of course, with all the water everywhere. It wouldn't hurt her, but it felt uncomfortable on her skin.
"Hey Ronica, what's up?"
She regarded me for a while. I had practiced a lot on closing my Self away from other people's emotions and thoughts, so I had no idea what she was thinking. It felt so weird to not know. Or even have any inkling of how she was feeling. Her expression was… well, she wasn't angry… kinda… worried? She sighed. "Bill? Are you alright?"
Me? I blinked. "I'm fine. I mean, it's not like the fireballs would have actually damaged me or anything-"
"That's not what I'm asking about." she sat down at the edge, just outside the spray of water. "Ever since…" she quieted. "Ever since the twins and Quackers died, you've been… different." she wasn't looking at me, but I wasn't quite looking at her either. "But I've changed too." she continued. "And I know the two of us still aren't over it. And we probably never would be." I glanced over to see her sneaking looks over at me too. "And… we've been ignoring it, trying to act like things had been, having fun and having heists and… well, it's not the same. It doesn't really feel the same."
"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say. I was good at advice, so long as it didn't involve me. But this definitely involved me. It… wasn't like I didn't know Pyronica's been hurting. Heck, I know everyone's been hurting. We raised those kids together. Their rooms were still here, even if I shuffled them off to a lesser used portion of the Death Star.
"Not your fault. And before you start doing that thing where you feel all guilty and blame yourself anyway," Pyronica rolled her eye, "It seriously wasn't your fault. They chose to be mortal. And you… respected their choice. That isn't a bad thing. I'm very grateful that you did. And I know they were too." she sighed. "That's not what this is about."
"Then what is?" I turned off the shower and floated over, stretching my arm out to grab a towel as I went.
"I want to talk about it." Pyronica told me. "We've been avoiding mentioning them, or talking about them, like some kind of taboo topic. But I don't like that. They were here, in our lives, and now they're gone. But that doesn't mean we should just… pretend like they weren't here." She clenched her fists, the light of her flames brightening for a moment before dimming back to the usual. "I want to talk about them. Reminisce about them. And then I want to go on with my life, have fun and stop letting this weigh on me forever." she brushed some of her hair back. "And you need to try that too. Move on. Don't let it stress you out forever." and then she narrowed her eye, "And other stuff too. You're always stressed nowadays. And if you think we can't tell, then you're an idiot."
Shit, I thought I did pretty well in pretending I was fine.
"I've…" I wrapped the towel around myself and floated over to sit on the tiles beside her. I kept the place microscopically clean with my powers, so I didn't have to worry about touching the ground. "...just been thinking." I dried myself. "About what Pynelope said to me. About actually doing something about the messed up world, and also about what my brother said, about… fixing stuff." But I didn't know what to do. I just wanted people to stop being mean to each other. I thought having Tina try her hand at multiversal domination would be alright. I mean, I can't overthrow a regime without putting a new one in charge, and I figured Tina was as good as any-
Wait.
Tina was smart. But she was still just one person.
And putting just one person in charge was always going to end badly.
Well, who did I know who had experience with ruling over people, taking care of the people and knew about governmental policies?
QUEEN!
Pyronica poked my side, snapping me out of my thoughts. "You look happier, all of a sudden?" Pyronica tilted her head. "So, you've been thinking about overthrowing the Federation, because Pynelope and your brother said something about it? And… did you just think of something?" she frowned.
I blinked slowly. "I mean… I have… an idea… but I don't know if it'll work out."
She sighed. "I'd tell you that it's not your responsibility to stress and worry about the state of the multiverse, but I feel like you're not going to listen." I huffed. "Me ignoring and not taking responsibility is why shit ended up as bad as it is now."
"It was never your responsibility. If other people are gonna be stupid and-"
"But if I have the power to do something, I should!" the towel tore under my hands. Oh, I pulled it too hard. Oh, my hands are claws now. I sheepishly waved my hand to turn my hands back to normal. I should do something, because I could. I had the power to. But… brother's Stanford doesn't want me to do anything, because I'm too stupid to know what's the right thing to do. Then what then? I can't help people myself, and he didn't like me having someone else do it for me. And I know I should be asking other people, getting their input on what to do, but most of the multiverse won't want to talk to me. What am I supposed to do?
Time Baby doesn't care. Jessie just wants to keep her own dimension safe. I guess I didn't know if Queen would be up for being part of some new world order or not. She's still getting the Silverfish back up. They are back up, the last I checked. And they wanted Queen to be their new ruler, which I know she turned down. Heck, the only real plan I could think of was simply evacuating people to a safe dimension where they could be free to live their lives without being oppressed. Like the Island.
Speaking of...
Pyronica sighed. "You're off in your own head again. Really Bill. Power or not, that doesn't make it your responsibility."
"Then who's responsibility is it?" I demanded to know. "Who the fuck is supposed to be handling all this?"
"Everyone." she deadpanned. "It's a group effort." I groaned. "But people won't-"
"They don't know how. And they don't have the power for it. Bill, you're the fucking God of Knowledge or some shit. Start educating people. By force if they refuse to listen to you." she huffed, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I mean, since when have you cared about boundaries? You're Bill Fucking Cipher and you do what you want."
"But isn't it… bad to disregard people's boundaries?" I twiddled my fingers together, hoping not to mutate horribly due to my feelings. Pyronica snorted. "Is that what your human family's been teaching you?"
"...kinda? I mean… that and also some stuff from brother's side of things, that his humans said. Like not messing with people?"
"Booooooring~" Pyronica rolled her eye. "Sure, messing with people is an issue sometimes. But that's only when you're messing with people who don't deserve it." she huffed as she folded her legs. "Besides, you don't go around messing with random people. You just attack back if they try to fuck with you first. Or when they literally ask for it." she tilted her head. "You're thinking too much about this. Why should you care what they think? Not like they can stop you."
"...yeah, but…" I sighed. "Them not being able to stop me, is why they're so scared of me."
"Yeah well, the thought of you being stopped by anyone kinda gives me the cold chills." Pyronica grimaced. "Like, that's terrifying to think of, ya know?"
"I just want them to like me. Seb's family are very understanding, but I've also been on good behavior over there." I folded my legs up to my chest. "And they don't think my jokes are a sign that I'm an evil monster. Not like the people on my brother's side, they just don't like me. But my human family does, I don't want them to eventually get all mad at me, and hate me, just for… existing…"
"If anyone hates you for existing, just eat them." Pyronica told me. I groaned. "Weird as this is for me of all people to say, eating the people who disagree or dislike me isn't really going to… make my situation better." I flopped over to lean against her legs. "I don't want to eat my human family."
Pyronica hummed. "Well, I liked your human family, so I wouldn't want you to eat them either." she placed her hand along my side and started petting me along my edge. "So… you're constraining yourself over there?" she sighed. "That doesn't sound good. I mean, I've been watching you try to constrain yourself over here too. And that's… super weird." she scraped her claws along my bricks, the touch was gentle and warm. "I know that we've all been constraining ourselves for your sake. Since we don't like how Time Baby's essentially blackmailing you, using us." she glowered at that. "And frankly, when are we gonna just kill him off?"
"Um… I don't really… want to kill him." I admitted. "I mean, pillar or not, I just… don't really care about killing him. He does actually do his job, and I wouldn't want to have to deal with the Time Police running around without a leader, messing around with their damn time travel and going nuts without someone to control them…"
"Then put someone in charge of them." she shrugged.
"...who?!" I was starting to get the idea that all the solutions I needed to find were people to take over when I knock the higher ups down. Ugggh. Pyronica shrugged. "I guess you'd have to find someone good at organizing stuff. I mean, Time Baby doesn't even have object permanence. How the void is he even running the place?"
"Well, he can see the multiple paths of Fate, since… well, he's Time Baby." I rolled my eye. "The general way things would branch out, and all that. I don't get it myself, even after he told me that seeing all the possibilities would make it easier. I just… don't get it. I see it much better as a hindsight thing. Which is dumb, because hindsight means I didn't actually get to make the changes I wanted with the Timeline anyway, and then he gets mad at me and I get mad at him and then something explodes!" I threw my hands in the air with a groan.
"Ah huh?" Pyronica picked me up gently and put me in her lap. "Well, I still think things would be better without him, but if you really don't want him dead," ("I'm sorry. I don't.") She nodded, "Alright then. I won't nag you about it anymore."
"...thanks." It was nice that she accepted that. I mean, I know that objectively speaking, Time Baby was a jerk. And not being around him would be good. Though if I had to talk about people that I shouldn't be around, there were a distressing number of people whom I wanted to be around, even if it wasn't good for me. Yes, I did realize it, but I didn't want to admit it, not aloud and not to myself.
"...would you be against it if someone else were to kill Time Baby?" she asked slowly. I shrugged. "If anyone else was able to take him out, that's on him for being too weak to defend himself."
She cackled. "And what's the difference between anyone else killing him, or you killing him?"
I sighed. "Because I can kill him. He'll reform himself in a thousand years, but I can kill him if I actually tried. I'm stronger than him now." I've been stronger than him for a while now. I don't… think he knows that. I wonder how he'd feel if he knew I could atomize him with only the barest amount of effort now? Even without a body. Would he feel intimidated? Would he double down on his want to control me? Would he back off in fear instead? I really didn't know.
"So… you don't want to kill him, because it would be too easy for you?" she leaned her head back against the doorframe to the showers. "Nah, that's not it." I corrected. "I just think that anyone else killing him would be something that they earned, and if he was dumb enough to get killed, then he'll finally get an idea of how annoying it is to live with a target on your back." like I did. Since his soldiers and the Federation kept wanting to mess with me like that.
Seriously, I could wipe them out easily. I just choose not to. And none of them seem to appreciate my restraint. It was frustrating. Especially since they go around saying that they shoot first because they felt threatened.
Bitch. I feel threatened constantly and I'm not killing every single last one of them! Ugh. Their excuse of, 'I shot because I felt threatened' was pretty bullshit. If everyone went around shooting people because they 'felt threatened' there would be a lot more people at the hospital for bullet wounds. Or thermal burns, for those who used laser weapons. What I'm trying to say is that Federation agents are annoying as fuck.
"...so if we killed Time Baby… you wouldn't have an issue with that?" she asked slowly. I shrugged. "I've just stopped caring, really. Time Baby still refuses to care about my health and safety, even after all these years and everything I've done for him. And even with our attempts to try and summon Will together, it still didn't work. And he's been really cagey about why it wasn't working, won't tell me anything. I suspected something went horribly wrong, and it hurt to think about what awful thing I must have done to even an echo of what remained of Will. Dammit Time Baby! So… fuck him. I've got a working auto-pilot ready to launch. I've only tested it out on my own dimension so far, but it seems to be working fine. Haven't tested it with the rest of the multiverse yet."
Pyronica was quiet as she glanced away and over to the rest of the spa-room. I followed her gaze to Kryptos moaning as he laid in the automatic massage machine, for his sore limbs. "Well, that's good to know." she said finally. "'Cause most of us have a bone to pick with that diaper wearing little shit."
I snorted. "Well, have fun. Just try not to get caught. I can get you guys off for most things, but direct attacks against him are… um… gonna be a little harder to excuse. I really don't want to have to fight them all off." that would suuuuuck! It would take forever to fix.
Speaking of fixing stuff...
I was gonna start making safe places to send people to, after asking them, of course. And that meant I needed more power to be able to throw my weight around in Seb's 'set. It would take a lot to be able to do what I want. My worshipers on the Island helped a lot. And my various worshipers on this side helped too. Speaking of, Jan should have another concert. Nothing really fills me up with ungodly amounts of energy as a concert.
And now that I've been filtering better, I would be able to absorb all that energy without being consumed by it.
"...sometimes I wonder if you're still there." I blinked at that. Pyronica was regarding me with a faint smile. "You go off into your own thoughts more and more, and I wonder how far you'll go." she trailed her hand along my bricks. "I wonder how we can continue to hold your attention."
"I won't ever give you all up! You're mine." I was quick to assure her. Pyronica sighed. "I know." and she moved her hand down to my own, curling our fingers together, though with how small my hands were, she was more or less enveloping mine. "But your focus nowadays is on your human family. And your brother." she said bluntly. "They're new, and amazing and interesting and addicting. You're throwing yourself headlong into loving them and we've all noticed."
I felt a flash of guilt. Pyronica sighed. "We're not upset. Seriously, we're not. If they make you happy, then we want you to be happy." she squeezed my hand. "We just… miss you. Having you here and really focusing on us." she lifted me up into her lap. "You've been hanging out with us, yes. You haven't neglected us, if that's what you're worried about." she snorted. "But you're antsy. You're looking forward to heading back to your humans. You've been stifling yourself and your behavior and actions based on what you think they'll think of you for them." she listed off. "And that's not cool." I blinked. "If they're not going to love you for the asshole that you are, what's even the point?"
"...but shouldn't I be less of an asshole anyway?" I sort of wanted to be a better person. Because I just felt so guilty about things, once I actually thought about them. My disregard for other people, the way I selfishly did what I wanted without thinking about what other people wanted… my violation of other people's autonomy… which I never really thought about as being that much of an issue so long as I didn't kill them...
...but it was bad, wasn't it? So why shouldn't I hold myself back? I didn't want Seb and the others to hate me. Not like Lee did. Or that Stanford. Or even brother's Mabel. Yeah, I know she didn't like me either. No one over on brother's side liked me.
Though, fair's fair. No one over on Seb's side really liked brother either.
Kinda sucks that I couldn't be over on his side, and he's not completely welcome over on Seb's. And of course, my brother didn't like being in my 'set either.
...I guess we could go hang out in the HumanBill's 'set. He didn't mind us. And he seemed to be doing well, with his parents. But it kinda sucked that the world seemed to be telling me that me and my brother being together wasn't welcome.
"Pffth." Pyronica scoffed. "You're abrasive and stubborn and think you know better than everyone else. We're used to that. We've known you and lived with you for a really long time. And we're fine with you being like that." she shrugged. "Asshole or not."
"...why are you guys okay with me being an asshole?" I couldn't help but ask. Pyronica squeezed my hand again. "Like I said, we're used to it. But more than that, you're our friend. And we love you. And you love us. And we know you love us. So we understand that you don't really mean anything malicious when you're being snippy, or passive aggressive, or angry and throwing a tantrum." I twitched. "You're a being of pure energy. And a lot of that energy is made of emotions. You're made of your emotions. And we understand that it means you'll react with your emotions first, and your intelligent decision making second." I twitched again. "But… isn't that bad? Shouldn't I learn to stop reacting without thinking?"
Pyronica shrugged. "To stifle your emotions like that is to deny your own self. And if other people can't understand and accept that, then fuck them."
Her words made sense. But I still felt like I should make an effort to control myself better. I told her this, but Pyronica just laughed. "You've already been learning how to control yourself all this time. You never stopped working on that." her laugh pettered off. "I know I don't have any right to tell you what to do with your own Self. But I'm kinda sick of seeing you stamping down everything that I find awesome about you, for the sake of some people who are going to just-" she stopped herself, grimacing. "Bill, you know that… they're…"
"...they're going to die and leave me." I muttered. "Yeah, I know that." Pyronica pulled in a breath through her teeth. "Bill-"
"I know." I cut her off. "I know." I repeated. "It's going to hurt. But… until it happens, I just… I want to make as many happy memories together with them as I can. Like… like how the times I had with the kids were and still are… memories that I want to be able to look back on and be happy that I have them. A-and…" I faltered, squeezing her hand right back. "...someday they won't hurt anymore. Someday… I'll be able to remember them and be happy about what I had with them. At least, that's what I hope."
"That's surprisingly optimistic of you." Pyronica cracked a grin before her expression evened out. "Does this mean you're willing to talk about them…?" I mimed a deep breath, huffing out slowly. "I… I guess so. I… I've been… afraid to really think about them for long periods of time…"
"Why?" Pyronica asked. It'd been years after all. I looked away. "Just… I could have… brought them back. Forced them to stay alive. Made them unkillable…"
"They wouldn't have wanted that."
"I know." I leaned back against her, closing my eye. "I knew that. I didn't like it, or agree with it. But I respected their decision." I curled my legs up against my chest. "And I didn't do things like my brother said either. With making it so they could just come back, as whatever they wanted."
"Just because your brother says it, doesn't mean it's what you should do." Pyronica deadpanned. Then she leaned over and saw my expression. "And you shouldn't feel guilty over not doing what your brother tells you that you should do."
"But-"
"No buts." she snapped. "You respected their wishes. And I'm proud of you for doing so."
"...even letting Pynelope die?"
"She knew what she was doing." Pyronica said tersely. "She was doing what she did on purpose. She knew what would happen. And you shouldn't blame yourself for her being an idiot." I shuddered. "...Ronica?"
She seemed to shudder. "I loved my daughter. But damn if I'm not still mad at her for hurting all of us like that. And she knew it. And chose to do it anyway. I've told you this before." Pyronica sighed. "I know she was trying to make a point. But she hurt you. She knew she was hurting you."
"I didn't mind-"
"That's not right, Bill." Pyronica stressed. "We all know how much you love us. But you can't keep giving us all of yourself or you'll have nothing left of your own." I stiffened. "I don't mind!" she poked me, right below my eye. "Ack!"
"That's not good for you. You cannot keep giving us everything, no matter how much you love us." she poked me again. "I'm serious. You care too much. It's something we appreciate about you, but not when you tear yourself apart to try to and give us everything you think you need to give us. And that includes stifling yourself for the sake of those humans you love so much. Or excusing and allowing everything your brother tells you, just because you love him."
I was quiet for a while. "...you don't like Blue either?" Figures, no one liked him. I know he's abrasive but he was kind, deep down. I know he was. Why couldn't anyone else see that? Yes, he was… awful. But he was still my brother...
"I don't mind him. He's cool, I mean, I'm grateful he helped you fix up your Deal with us so that you aren't being harmed by it. But I'd rather he didn't come by all that often. He makes the boys feel uncomfortable." Pyronica sighed. "Ammy likes him. But I'm pretty sure the guys are intimidated by him."
I blinked. "Really? Why?" intimidated? By Blue?
"Because he doesn't give a shit about us." Pyronica told me quite plainly. "He's powerful, dangerous, and he doesn't give a shit about any of us. The only reason he didn't straight up kill Kryptos where he stood was because you care about him."
I twitched. "I-I mean…" I trailed off, knowing that she was right. B-but that- "It's just because he's protective of me."
Pyronica rolled her eye. "Yes, I know that. You're the same, really. So I don't blame him for that. But…" and here, Pyronica gave me a serious look. "It doesn't change the fact that he's scary. You're scary too, but we know you. And we know you wouldn't hurt us. But Blue would destroy us the moment he thought any of us was a significant threat to you. And he already thinks Kryptos is a threat."
I groaned. "Kryptos can't even threaten a squeemely away from it's nest. Much less do anything to me." Pyronica sighed. "You know that. And I know that. But Blue's… well, I don't know much about him, but my instincts are getting some…" she ground her teeth together. "Not so nice feelings. No offence."
"It's fine. My human family doesn't like him either." Seb sort of liked Blue, up until Blue started demanding for Seb to do stuff about his world and 'fix' it like Blue thought everything should be fixed. That, and also how much Blue upset everyone else. That sort of put a damper on Seb really liking Blue. I closed my eye and huffed. "Well, brother doesn't want to come over here anyway." I tried not to let on how much that upset me.
I understand he didn't like being in a place made entirely out of my dead body, but...
"Look," Pyronica traced little zigzags along my bricks. "I don't really know what's happening between you and your brother, but you're stressed out. And I just get this feeling that it's his fault."
"It's not…" I trailed off. "It's my own fault for not knowing what to do."
"Just do what you want to do. Fuck whatever your brother might have said." Pyroinica picked me up and turned me around to face her. "If that's hanging out with your human family, I'm fine with that." she took a deep breath. "And if that's doing what your brother told you… well, is it really something that you want to do?"
...I didn't really know. But… I didn't really agree with some of his ideas, even if, in the moment, I was caught up in them. The sort of thing where I got pulled in initially, but once I had some time to think about it later, I found myself not really wanting to do it. Ah, I used to get caught up in pyramid schemes a lot back when I was human. Gullible, is what people told me it was. Too trusting. That's what I was.
"I don't… know." I curled my legs up against my chest. "Brother's smarter than me. But… I also don't feel right about doing what he says I should. Even though it sounds like it'll work, or make sense in some way. But I still feel unsure. Like, my gut is telling me 'no' but I still…"
"If you're unsure, then don't do it. Do something else. Something that you'd like and want to do." To Pyronica, it really was that simple, wasn't it?
She asked me again. "What do you want? Disregarding the state of the world, disregarding anything that anyone's said or expects or wants out of you. What do you want, right now?"
I thought about it. I… wanted to be happy. I wanted to have fun. But my guilt always began acting up when I went about trying to have fun, even if I tried to ignore it. But past all of that… what I wanted was...
"I want a baby." I blurted out. Pyronica stiffened. "Bill, that's…"
I curled my hands around hers. "I-it's not just because of Quackers or the twins." I said quickly. "I… I want… my own baby. I want to be able to hold them. Care for them. Love them…"
Pyronica nearly crushed me against her chest with the force of her hug. "Bill-" I yelped as she nuzzled me. "You're such a fucking masochist."
"H-hey!" I kicked my legs. "Am not! I-" I huffed, falling limp. "I want my own baby. Like Ammy." I finally said. Pyronica blinked. "Wait… you mean like…"
"I want a baby like Ammy, who won't age and die. But… I guess that's kinda impossible. Ammy's a miracle. I have no idea how he even happened…"
Pyronica was staring. "Oh. You…" she frowned. "Bill, I… don't know if such a thing… well, I mean… I guess…" she looked away. "That's… something. That's… really something."
And then she loosened her hold on me, placing me back down in her lap. "You just want someone you can smother with love." she realized. "You know that's not how this works. Even if you had your own baby, whether or not they'll love you back is…"
"I know." I knew that very well. Even if I raised a child, that didn't mean they would want to stay with me. Like I said, Ammy was a miracle. Pyrone and Pynelope both moved out as soon as they were old enough. Quakers even told me that she was proud of herself for being able to leave the nest and forge her own path in life.
...and I, the selfish one, had wanted them to stay. They could still go out and get jobs and even settle down, but… I just wanted them to also live here, with me. Forever.
...and I know that's… wrong. It has to be wrong. To smother them like that. I was already lucky that Pyronica and the others were ok with staying with me. I couldn't expect others to want to do the same. My child or not.
But all the same. I wanted my own baby.
To love and hold.
A baby that I could create myself.
The miracle of life, as some would put it.
For me, the things I create didn't… have Souls. And most didn't even have real Minds. But… some of them developed them over time. When they were able to grow and learn and gain life experience. So… maybe… even I could someday create a real person. It was a really strange idea.
"So…" Pyronica snapped me out of my musing. "Does that mean you're gonna go and get pregnant?"
I shivered. "Erm… I don't know. I mean… Miz and my other female forms aren't fertile. I mean… they have wombs, but they don't really produce eggs or other reproductive substances?" I didn't want to have a period. So I didn't. Nevermind the fact that most aliens I've met didn't have periods either. "I mean, I could make them fertile. But that's scary." I knew how to. I watched the Penis Planet™ often enough that I knew a whole bunch about reproduction. Ahem.
And my experiments with things like different types of pregnancy that were possible on that planet were great experiences for observing how genetics worked and how reproduction occurred.
...and it might have been kind of a turn on to watch them go at it. I'm a horny little bitch like that.
But it was still kinda scary to think about doing it myself!
"I… don't know if I'm ready for that kind of thing." I shivered again. "But I won't deny I'm curious about it." very curious. "And… well, your pregnancy wasn't… bad, was it?
Pyronica scoffed. "Nah, it was fine. No complications, and you kept me well fed and living in absolute comfort. So… yeah, no complaints here."
I considered that. "Still feels kinda scary to me. Like… I do, sort of, want to try it out… maybe. But I'm not ready for that."
Pyronica laughed. "That's fine Bill. Creating and carrying life is a huge deal. No need to rush it. You've got your whole life to work your way up until you feel ready." she sobered. "As long as you're sure that this is something you want to do."
"I don't really trust myself to create a baby using my powers. So biological means might be better." Mainly because most things I create using my Weirdness tended to be… horrifying.
Pyronica rolled her eye. "How do all my conversations with you always end up going in wildly different directions?" she sighed. "Well, for what it's worth, I think you should go for it. If it's really something you want to do, someday."
"...you don't think it's a stupid idea?"
She snorted. "Hey, I decided I wanted to make babies. I have no right to say something like that to you. If you want to make a baby, then you want to make a baby. And I'm sure everyone will love your child just as much as we loved the twins and Quackers."
I felt much better, hearing those words. "And Ammy can be a big brother again."
"I would enjoy that."
Pyronica and I both jumped.
"Fuck! Ammy! Give us a warning or something!" Pyronica groaned, holding a hand to her chest. My son was sitting right beside her. How did neither of us notice him? Well, as Ammy would say, he was a ninja. I still wondered sometimes if introducing him to Anime was a bad idea or not.
"Ah, I thought you knew I was here, seeing as I have been here for quite some time." Amorphous Shape tilted his blocks around. "It appears I was wrong."
"...wait, since when were you here?" Pyronica asked slowly.
"Since you finished drying yourself."
Pyronica and I both stared. "Wow." I said finally. No wonder Ammy managed to get into Federation buildings. He was a master shinobi in terms of stealth. "Well, you're open to the idea of getting a younger sibling?"
Ammy nodded. "Yes. It would be nice. But…" and here, he reached out his hands/tendrils to clasp my sides, right beside my eye. "I don't want you to hurt and break again, if that baby isn't immortal." I blinked. He shook me a little. "So, don't hurt yourself loving them."
"...easier said than done." I finally said. Ammy nodded. "I know. But I want you to keep this in mind. To remember to take a step back to take a breather if you need to. To get some space to work out your feelings until you aren't hurting anymore."
I blinked. "Where's you hear something like this from?"
"Shoujo anime." He deadpanned. Ah, ok. Yeah, introducing Ammy to anime was a good idea.
I started laughing, and I couldn't really stop. Ammy hadn't let go of me yet, still staring at me intently. Finally, I managed to calm down. "Alright. I'll… try to keep that in mind."
"And I'll remind you." Ammy said simply. Because he knew I would forget. And… that actually made me feel better. In a weird way. The way he knew I would forget, but was willing to remind me. Like my other Friends did.
And… I know that maybe, it was bad that I didn't just remember this shit myself. (I was certainly annoying people by not being able to remember this shit myself. But it still made me feel better, to know that they knew and didn't mind having to remind me, no matter how many times it took.
I know that I'm stupid, for not being able to do this myself, remembering the important stuff like this. But it still felt nice to be able to relax around my Friends and not stress over how inadequate I was.
Ammy shook me. "You are having the bad thoughts again, mother." he deadpanned. "Don't do that."
I chuckled. "I'll try."
Ammy gave me a long stare. I sighed. "I have a lot to think about."
"That you do, mother." He tilted his head block. "You are heading back to the other side after this, aren't you?"
Well, yeah. He could tell, huh?
"...if Blue is going to be there, be careful." Ammy told me. I blinked. "He wouldn't hurt me. He loves me."
But Ammy and Pyronica only frowned. And Ammy turned to Pyronica. "If I tell mother directly, he wouldn't learn. But there is also a chance that he wouldn't realize it himself if I say nothing."
Pyronica nodded. "Bill's an idiot when it comes to his own situation."
"Then I shall give mother a chance to figure this out himself before I tell him." Ammy decided. I blinked. Tell me what? What wasn't I seeing here?
Still, the conversation was put to an end when Ammy and Pyronica seemed to make some sort of agreement together. I didn't let this bother me. Either I figured out what they wanted me to, or I didn't and they'll tell me anyway. That was nice.
Ammy pulled me over to the other section of the Spa room and asked me to help him paint his tendrils. He didn't have nails to decorate, but I had fun making his tendrils look pretty anyway.
Pyronica also helped me put make up on Facey. I still wasn't very good at this sort of thing, but Facey had plenty for me to practice on. My angel was very gracious in allowing me to do so. It was fun in a calming way.
And eventually, my feelings settled enough that I felt ready to head back to Seb's side.
...and to my brother.
