Apparently cutting chapters into smaller pieces is better for my muse. So here you go :)
Mrs Hughes dragged the pen over the piece of paper that she was writing on, not really committing to her normally neat handwriting, her mind thinking about the conversation that was going on above her head. The paper seemed to feel her lack of conviction, complaining loudly as she scratched over the surface with the pen, causing it to catch, making her have to repeat her words on occasion. The irritation built in her chest, and she slammed the pen down on the table and folded her arms as she returned her eyes to the clock on the wall for the hundredth time that hour. The relationship she had with that clock seemed to always be strained because it never gave her good news. It was like an omen, the even temporal beating always elongating in a time of need. The conversation needed to be finished soon. They had already sat down to have dinner, and Carson hadn't been able to attend due to the fate-deciding conversation that he was having. The nerves had prevented Mrs Hughes from finishing her meal, and her stomach echoed angrily as it reminded her that it was now ready to finish the food. Too late. It had gone from a lack of appetite to a desire to comfort eat her way through a full box of biscuits.
Carson hadn't been down today, and she knew why, but it hadn't stopped her missing him any the less. Earlier in the day, after their walk, she had wanted to go upstairs to check on him and make sure that he was sure about her keeping out of the way whilst he spoke to his Lordship. To be a fly on the wall would ease her increasing anxiety now, as he had again declined. What she needed was for him to walk down the stairs, enter her parlour, take her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be fine. Until that point, until he could tell her their fate, she had to sit and deal with the heightening levels of creeping anxiety. It held onto her core, reminding her of what was at stake, shaking her around as if it was trying to crush her resolve into pieces.
Staring at her parlour, scouring the walls with her eyes, she suddenly felt the comfort that they gave her. The walls had been her own personal space for some time, and over the years she had made it more of her own. There were personal touches that she had done that made it feel that it was like her own sitting room. It wasn't, of course, and she knew that, but it dawned on her suddenly that she may lose it. As detrimental as it wasn't to her life in the grander scheme of things, it still made her think that she would miss it. Not only the room but the people she worked with. Knowing what she did about running a home, and the hours that they all spent working, she knew that once she left the walls she would rarely see them. Their downtime was minimal, and Mrs Patmore especially was always relatively busy. That made her sad. The implications of her and Carson's decision had been mulled over, but the more of a reality that it was becoming, the more she started to realise just how much the home that she worked in meant to her. It was the core of her world, and without it, she wouldn't have the friends she had. She had been so very lucky in her posting there. Very lucky indeed. It had been hard, of course, it had, the house was large and had ample staff to help look over (although they had been stretched over recent years), but it was different to other homes she had seen or been in. Aside from a few minor deviations, it was warm and the people got on like a well-oiled machine. At the helm, the family themselves were very flexible and most of the time showed care for the welfare for the people that worked for them. Carson's party as an example. Mrs Patmore's eyes was another. Having that above them was important and made their working lives better than others that did the same job. She was grateful.
The door to her parlour opened, and her fiery headed friend eased herself in with a tray that was loaded with tea and a plate of freshly cooked biscuits. The concentration on her face made Mrs Hughes chuckle, her face furrowed and her teeth gripping her bottom lip with force. Behind her was Anna who pulled the door to a close when they had both entered the room.
"So," Mrs Patmore said through her teeth as she placed the tray down. "How's it going? You've been a little distracted today after your little jaunt with Lady Mary."
Mrs Hughes peered over her glasses as she was handed a freshly poured cup of tea. "Yes. I have," she sighed. "I'll not deny that at all."
"And Mr Carson has been rather absent too. I thought he would have at least been down for his supper?" Mrs Patmore pushed the plate of biscuits in her friend's direction. It hadn't gone unnoticed that she hadn't eaten a great deal for her dinner. When it came to portion sizes, Mrs Patmore had made it a fine art, and always managed to make sure that there was enough for everyone. What she didn't like was that sometimes people didn't eat their dinner, or at least, everything they had put on their plate. Once the contents were in a bowl or had been touched, the remnants were fit for only a dog. So when people left things on their plate it never failed to stir the smallest bean of annoyance.
"No." Mrs Hughes took off her glasses and placed them onto the desk, her hand reaching out to take the warm cup of tea. Wrapping her fingers around the china she was happy to feel the comforting warmth which moved into her fingers. "Today is the day," Mrs Hughes said with mixed emotion. It was exciting because it would be out in the open, but the lack of clarity on the direction that it was going to go on meant that it left her feeling apprehensive. The way it came out was more of a quiet grumble, so would be hard to interpret to anyone that wasn't sure of what was happening.
"The day?" Mrs Patmore said, her head tilting as her eyes questioned the woman sitting opposite her. "For?"
"Carson is going to tell his Lordship about our intentions...with each other." Mrs Hughes kept her gaze from her friends, pointing her eyes down at the tea as she lifted the cup to take a drink. There was something about speaking the words that exacerbated her emotions. Acknowledging it in the open air made everything seem that closer to home. Real.
"Noooo!" the shocked cook exclaimed, her mouth opening wide as she inserted a whole biscuit into her mouth, turning to look at Anna whose face mirrored her own. As she waited for a reply, she chewed swiftly, crunching the biscuit as fast as she could so the noise wouldn't dull the response. Once she had swallowed she cleared her throat and took a sip of tea. "That was fast."
"We aren't getting any younger, are we? Why do we need to wait when we know what we both want? You know as well as I that there are people in here who would happily throw us under the proverbial bus for their own amusement, and to make us look bad." Mrs Hughes pictured the exact person that she was thinking of in particular, the smug look on his face.
"Very true," Mrs Patmore agreed, taking another sip of tea. It was all a bit unusual in her mind. Of course, she accepted it and wanted her friend to be happy, of course she did, but the idea of Mr Carson being even the slightest bit romantic just seemed out of place. It probably wasn't fair of her to think that way, but he had been such a rigid man it was hard to see him finally succumbing to the wills of life outside of his role as Butler.
Anna who had been sitting and listening brought her teacup down. "I would have thought that Mr Carson would have been about taking it slow, making sure the time is right. That sort of thing."
"Yes, well, we've found it very hard." Mrs Hughes grimaced a little before distracting herself with another sip of warm tea, focusing on the way it felt when it ran down the back of her throat, rather than the nervous feeling that seemed to be hovering around her chest.
"What do you mean you've found it very 'ard? I'm not bein' funny, but you have both been dancing around for years. What're a few weeks on top of that?" Mrs Patmore had another biscuit in her hand. In terms of romance and love, she knew very little, so often she had to live vicariously through other people. Over the years she had had crushes, she had been able to allow the attention of a man, but it never moved past that. It seemed at her time in life that she had resided to the fact that she was going to stay that way for the foreseeable future. Sometimes the way that people acted when they were together made her confused, but she knew that it was likely because she had never been in the position to relate to it. Most things she knew were from the interpretation of other people's stories.
Mrs Hughes raised her eyebrows and stared at her friend. "Well...you know. I mean-"
Mrs Patmore's eyes grew wide as she let the penny drop into the slot. "Ooooooh," she coughed on a stray drop of tea which had missed the exit and made its way into the wrong pipe. "Like a pair of lovestruck teenagers are ya?"
"Mrs Patmore," Mrs Hughes exclaimed, sitting upright as far as she could in her chair.
"I'm sorry," she smirked. "I will ask no more."
Anna giggled. "I don't think she means what you may think, Mrs Patmore. I think it's more that the want and desire to be around the person you love can feel as if you've been consumed by it. It's like you're possessed. We all know that Mr Carson would not do anything to put his job in jeopardy in such a way. He is a proper and decent man, but there are limitations to the route of logic in a brain, especially in the beginning. Love is powerful, and it pulls you in when you least expect it. Now I think about it, it makes perfect sense as to why they are going to get this out of the way. It's a hurdle, an obstacle, something that will make everything feel worse than it is."
"Yes, I agree. It's not like that. Not what you might think anyway. It's just...we have spent so much time ignoring how we both felt-"
"That it's hard to keep your hands off of each other?" Anna quipped. "That every waking thought is consumed by the thought of the other? You want to move forward. Make your life your own. Be a couple. Keeping it quiet is almost like denying yourself the happiness that you've found." Anna knew how it felt. After all, the ride she had had with Mr Bates had not been at all easy.
Mrs Patmore's face contorted into that of disgust. "Now that's an image I'll never shake from my brain again. Oy. I didn't mean that you were up to...THAT," she said with wide eyes as she nodded her head to insinuate what it was she meant. "I just meant things like kissing behind the blackberry bush in the schoolyard sort of thing. I'd never expect either of you to behave in that OTHER way, not at least until...marriage, you know?"
Anna was trying to stifle a giggle as Mrs Patmore's face turned a shade of red that was similar to her hair. "I'm sure they've been behaving, Mrs Patmore."
Mrs Hughes adjusted herself in her seat, thinking about the night before and the way he had touched her. "Well. Maybe not kissing behind the blackberry bushes, no," Mrs Hughes said with a slightly amused tone, looking at Mrs Patmore's face as she did. "Maybe the adult version of the blackberry bush."
"Oh my God," Mrs Patmore said, putting her teacup down. "I don't know what it is, but I can't even think about Mr Carson acting in such a manner. It's almost put me off me tea!"
Anna giggled into her tea, sending a plume of steam into the air like small puffs of cloud. Mrs Patmore held her hand up to her stomach and grimaced, giving her cup of tea an evil side-eye. It felt good to be able to have a little bit of a joke, and Mrs Hughes was very much welcome of the distraction. The chuckle was like a rolling barrel of cathartic warmth that moved around her body.
"Well," Mrs Patmore paused to lift her tea cup. "Nearly put me off me tea that is."
Anna watched as Mrs Hughes drifted off momentarily into her own thoughts, the lines of worry that had been so etched into her face had dwindled to almost nothing. "So you're happy then, Mrs Hughes?"
Mrs Hughes smiled, thinking about her darling Carson as she did. "I don't think I've ever been happier," she sighed contentedly. "We were both foolish to deny ourselves this for so long. It all feels so right. It's as if we have been given a reprieve from our boring old life, and finally we're dancing in a field of flowers. I just hope with all of my heart that we won't have to leave this place. I hope his Lordship doesn't throw us to the wind." Mrs Hughes felt that pang of worry in her stomach again, and she moved her eyes up to the clock on the wall which had barely moved at all.
"But Lady Mary will help you if you need it?" Mrs Patmore remembered what Mrs Hughes had said to her about that just the day before. "That's what you said the other day."
Anna, who had been so busy the past few days, felt like she had missed out on something. "Lady Mary?"
A crumb fell onto Mrs Hughes' piece of paper and she swept it out of the way, making a mental note that her floor needed sweeping. "Yes. Lady Mary has very kindly offered to help if we need it. If his Lordship disagrees with what we are saying, she said she will back us. She has been quite forceful about it if I'm honest. I mean, I know it's because she will miss Carson too much because of how he is with her, but I think there is a level of decency in it. It's a card we have if we need it." Mrs Hughes paused and sighed. "I just hope that we don't have to play it. I'd like his Lordship to welcome the idea himself with open arms so it doesn't feel like his hand is being forced. It would be such a blow to both of us if we knew we were starting on negative terms."
"I bloody wouldn't care how it come about, as long as it did," Mrs Patmore grumbled, taking another bite of her biscuit. "As long as the ending is what you want, it shouldn't matter."
Anna made a noise at the back of her throat and shook her head. "No, they want his blessing. I see nothing wrong with that, and it would make things easier and more comfortable to know that he agrees and isn't just saying yes to appease someone else."
"Exactly," Mrs Hughes agreed, taking the final sip from her cup. "That's the ideal situation we both wish for. Given our track record, getting it seems to be the mountain that we may have to climb. I just don't want to leave. I think things will barely change. Our work will continue. We will keep our private life separate. If we have to start up a new life, I know that will work regardless, it's just such an upheaval. It'll make things harder, and he will miss this place. As will I. Very very much."
"Oh it won't be the bloody same if you have to go, that's for sure," Mrs Patmore said with a sad twang in her voice. "You two, especially Carson, are part of the furniture. We will miss you, very much. We've all been here together for so long now that we're almost like a family."
"Not almost like a family, Mrs Patmore," Anna corrected quietly. "We are a family."
"Yes," Mrs Hughes said solemnly. "We are, and I hope we can remain together."
