TRIGGER WARNING: brief self-harm
Chapter 38 - Confidant
Mettaton so wished he hadn't invited Maddy to dinner tonight.
Toriel hadn't at all been upset when he told her that he had invited another guest without checking with her first; she seemed overjoyed, in fact, to have extra company. Mettaton had then called Maddy and told her a spot was waiting for her that Saturday. Now, he was regretting having said anything at all. He knew it was selfish, he knew coming and being with people would be good for Maddy, but the thought of what she could say to him in front of everyone else made him feel positively sick.
Fortunately, there was a buffer, however slight. Shyren was also coming to tonight's dinner as Napstablook's new girlfriend. Napstablook had done the polite thing and asked Toriel if Shyren was welcome before officially inviting Shyren, and Toriel had, of course, said yes. Mettaton had almost never been happier to have Shyren around, because Maddy had always tried to keep her temper on the down-low when they were together so as not to frighten her. With Shyren at the dinner, things had a better chance of staying comfortable for Mettaton.
So he felt slightly less sick as he, Napstablook, and Alphys went to pick up Shyren just before dinner.
"Hello, darling! It feels like it's been forever since we last saw each other…" Mettaton greeted her as she got into the back seat. "Then again, I suppose it kind of has been, hasn't it? I think the last time was coming back from the tour."
"Yeah…" Shyren replied, her voice nearly inaudible as usual. "Nappie said Maddy is coming, too?"
"Yes. But we're not picking her up. She said she could get there on her own."
"Good to see you again, Shyren!" Alphys smiled.
They made their way to Toriel's house. Maddy was not there when they arrived, but Mettaton assured Toriel that she was more than capable of making it to the house on her own. He then noticed Papyrus across the kitchen and waved, causing the skeleton to almost drop the plates he was setting the table with. As it was, he blushed furiously orange.
The normal dinner guests arrived one by one until everyone but Maddy was there. By this point Mettaton was simultaneously starting to worry and feel relieved. Maybe she'd forgotten, which would be inconvenient for Toriel, who had cooked for fourteen people, but it would be better for his nerves.
Right as Toriel said they might as well start the dinner, the doorbell rang, and she went to let Maddy in.
"Where have you been?" Mettaton couldn't help demanding.
Maddy shrugged. "Sorry. I walked here. It took longer than I thought."
"You walked? All the way from Mount Eden?"
"Yeah, I mean, I can't drive?" Maddy was clearly getting annoyed.
"We'd have been happy to come get you!"
"I don't like cars. They make me feel sick. Anyway, where's the grub?"
"We were just about to start eating, truthfully. You may take a seat, wherever you would like," Toriel offered.
Maddy looked over the table and took a seat at the head of it, where Toriel usually sat. Toriel did not appear outwardly perturbed, however, and took a seat to the left of her. "Come, everyone, we do not want the food to get cold!"
Everyone else took their usual spots and started in on the meal. Tonight on the menu was a slow-cooked, chunky chili that Toriel had worked on all day. Mettaton had never tasted anything quite like it, and he ended up having three helpings.
After the dinner, as usual, everyone helped clean up and then spread around the house to chat and let their meal digest. Frisk took Flowey outside to play, and Papyrus followed them out. Mettaton was just about to go after them when Maddy called him over to the library, where she, Napstablook, and Shyren were lounging.
Maddy was talking animatedly to Shyren. "You know, it's great to see you again. I feel like it's been forever! I hope you've been doing better with work than I have. How's Mettaton been treating you?"
"O-Oh, you know… I actually haven't seen him lately until today," Shyren squeaked. "We haven't really been making any music."
"Oh, I see. Well, as long as he hasn't forgotten you again…"
Mettaton rolled his eyes. "I'm right here, you know."
Maddy gave him a wide grin. "Yeah, I do know."
Mettaton sat in a blue armchair. "Did you just invite me over here so I could hear you badmouthing me? And after I invited you to dinner, too."
"Nah, not really. Just wanted to get the gang back together." Maddy dropped to the floor, sitting crisscross applesauce. "No music lately, huh?"
"Well, I've wanted to get an album out. But acting's my biggest thing, you know. I've been very preoccupied with that," Mettaton said loftily.
"Yeah, clearly," Maddy snorted.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, nothing. I did notice you never even tried to visit me, but honestly, I never should have expected anything more."
"It's not like you tried to visit me, either."
"Please don't fight…" Napstablook said nervously.
"Did you just, like, forget all the texts I sent you? Then again, you barely answered them, so you probably did. I did give up after a couple months. Honestly, I'm surprised you answered my most recent phone call. I just about had a heart attack."
"Oh, shut up. You know I've been busy." Mettaton locked his jaw after he finished speaking. He felt they were getting dangerously close to subjects he did not want to think about.
"Busy, busy, busy. You really had no time to make room for family? Honestly, if Blooky didn't live with you, you probably wouldn't see them, either, I bet." Maddy picked at one of her fingernails.
Shyren and Napstablook were huddling close now, figuring a storm was coming.
"What are you so bitter for? I'm trying now, doesn't that matter to you?" Mettaton argued.
"Why am I bitter? Is that a real fucking question?" Maddy laughed raucously. "You know damn well why. Speaking of why, I want to know, why'd you do it?" She suddenly transfixed him with a stare.
"Why'd I do what?"
"Oh, you know. Abandon the three us five years ago. I'm sure Blooky and Shyren want to know as much as I do."
"Please leave us out of this," Shyren whispered.
"It wasn't—I didn't mean it that way, I always cared about all of you—" Mettaton stammered.
"Really? Could've fooled me."
"Look, I—you just don't get it. I had t—I didn't want anything tying me down—"
"Tying you down? Is that really what you thought we'd do?" A disgusted look crossed Maddy's face. "You know we supported you. Maybe we didn't really understand, but we never discouraged you."
"Do we have to do this here?" Mettaton snapped. "God knows who can hear us right now."
"Nobody's listening. They're all across the house or outside. I'm taking this opportunity, right now, because I don't want to give you any more chances to deflect or avoid me. So. Explain your thought process to me. I wanna know how you thought we'd 'tie you down.'"
"I'm sorry, Maddy, it's just too hard to explain."
"Yeah, I bet it would be hard to explain why you're a self-centered jerk without using those exact words. I get it. You wanted the spotlight all to yourself, and then you got lonely and sad, so you came back expecting us to worship you for making the wonderful and selfless decision to do so. Well, maybe Blooky forgave you, but I saw things after you left that I'm never going to forget. Blooky was so depressed they lay in their house for weeks without eating or taking care of the farm. Shyren cried for a month when she realized you weren't coming back. First her sister, and then one of her closest friends. And me—I honestly thought you'd crawled off somewhere and died. I thought maybe you hadn't been able to take it after Norfie and Babbie fell down. I could have forgiven that. But what you actually did?" Maddy shook her head. "I have no words for how revolted I feel."
Mettaton's lower lip trembled. "I don't have to listen to this," he choked out, standing up.
"Yup, sure, just abandon the conversation! Just abandon us like you always do. It's what you do best," Maddy jeered.
Mettaton fled the room.
He managed to make it out onto the back deck before collapsing on the stairs, sobbing. He hadn't been prepared for a confrontation like this, not one bit. Nor had he been prepared for the awful wave of self-hatred that had washed over him as she had berated him.
He'd already known Blooky's reactions to his leaving—Undyne had informed him of that at his first dinner with the family, all those months ago—but hearing that Shyren and Maddy hadn't taken it much better…
Mettaton pulled up his shirtsleeves and sunk his fingernails deep into the metallic flesh of his arms. The pain made him want to scream, but he forced himself to stay quiet. He deserved this.
Across the backyard, Papyrus caught a frisbee that Frisk had just thrown at him and happened to glance toward the house. A figure in pink and black sat upon the deck steps. Papyrus squinted. Mettaton? What's he doing out there all alone?
He tossed the frisbee back to Frisk. "I'm going to take a break! You two have fun!"
Papyrus ran across the yard, slowing down as he realized that Mettaton was crying. Should he interrupt? He remembered what had happened in that restaurant that one time—Mettaton had taken Papyrus's comfort fairly well… Perhaps he could use some of that now?
He sat gingerly on the step next to Mettaton, prepared to leave if the robot asked.
Mettaton, however, had his face buried in his knees with his arms folded under his chest, and Papyrus got the feeling he didn't even realize he was there.
"Mettaton?"
Mettaton sat up with a gasp and yanked his shirtsleeves down. "Papy! Where did you come from?" He wiped his cheeks furiously.
"Across the yard." Papyrus inclined his head toward the kids. Then he glanced over Mettaton's face. His gaze was soft. "What's the matter?"
"Oh, nothing." Mettaton waved his hand noncommittally.
"People don't usually cry over nothing…" Papyrus prodded, hoping he sounded inviting rather than pushy.
Mettaton studied his hand for a minute. "It's… my cousin," he admitted finally. "Not the ghost. The cat… girl. She's very… insensitive."
"About what?"
"…I'm sorry, Papy. It's complicated," Mettaton said. "Not that I think you wouldn't understand… it's more like… it's too complicated for me to explain, because I don't quite understand… I don't know if I'm making any sense."
"I understand! You don't want to talk about it. And that's perfectly fine!" Papyrus assured him. "However, if you ever do figure it out, please know that I will be there to listen, if you wish."
"Thank you, darling. I appreciate that." Mettaton smiled. He sniffed and wiped at the corner of his eye. "It's just… she doesn't get it. There are some things you just don't tell other people, you know? For so many reasons. Maddy just doesn't seem to care. She just has to know everything, and if you don't give her an answer, she makes horrible assumptions. It makes me not want to trust her with anything," he continued bitterly.
Papyrus nodded sympathetically. "I see. I've… been learning something similar about the people around me, I think."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I don't want to make this about myself…"
"No, please, go on. I don't mind." Indeed, Mettaton's visible eye seemed to be encouraging Papyrus.
"Well… okay. So…" Papyrus glanced behind them to make sure the back door was closed. "Don't tell anyone this… but… I told Toriel something… serious, earlier today. And I had hoped it would stay between the two of us. But she went and made assumptions, and I overheard her telling Sans what I said, and now I can tell he's all wound up." He sighed. "It's just… annoying."
"It certainly sounds so," Mettaton agreed. "If I may ask… what kind of serious thing was it?"
Now it was Papyrus's turn to be hesitant. "Well… mainly dreams I've been having. I'd rather keep the subject matter to myself, if you don't mind. But it's very irritating… Sans has been telling me for years that my dreams don't mean anything, but I tell Toriel and all of a sudden, they do mean something. And of course they're not actually talking to me about it, just whispering amongst themselves like they always do."
"Some people," Mettaton tutted, shaking his head.
"And the worst part is… I don't even know if I'm justified in being upset, since I never explicitly told Toriel not to tell anyone. I know she's just worried, but I still feel like she betrayed my trust. Is that… wrong of me?" Papyrus asked, avoiding Mettaton's gaze.
"Not at all. You're both adults, and you'd think Toriel would have the sense to be discreet, or at least ask if it was alright to bring up with someone else. I'd say you're perfectly justified in being upset."
"Really?" Papyrus looked up hopefully.
"Of course. I wouldn't lie to you."
Papyrus exhaled in a mirthless laugh. "You'd be the first."
Mettaton gave him a long, sympathetic look, but didn't seem to know what to do with that.
"Anyway!" Papyrus sat up straight. "Enough about me. We were talking about you. I don't know if my anecdote helped very much, but it was all to say, I don't think you're alone here."
"It's alright, Papy. Believe it or not, I do enjoy talking about people other than myself from time to time," the robot joked. "I don't know if there's much more to say about Maddy. I'm afraid she just holds awful grudges. But there's nothing to be done about that, I suppose," he sighed.
"Why did she come tonight? I don't mean to be rude, of course! I am simply curious. She seemed polite enough at dinner, for the most part."
"I hadn't talked to her in a while, and we reconnected a couple of weeks back. She seemed awfully lonely… and I felt sorry for her and invited her to dinner on a whim. I was hoping she'd contain herself with other people around, but…"
"Well, maybe she'll apologize," suggested Papyrus.
Mettaton snorted. "Hell will freeze over before Maddy ever says sorry for anything."
At that moment, the back door slid open and Undyne poked her head out. "Y'all want dessert?"
"That sounds lovely!" Mettaton said, standing up.
Papyrus stood up right after him. "I agree. FRISK! FLOWEY! TIME FOR DESSERT!" he hollered to the children, who were still across the yard.
Inside, Toriel had set out several quarts of ice cream and two sheets of brownies. Everyone came to the kitchen and had plenty, chatting with each other as they ate.
Mettaton, of course, stayed far away from Maddy, and even Napstablook and Shyren as he was embarrassed about the whole ordeal.
As everyone was leaving for the night, Mettaton stopped to thank Papyrus for comforting him and headed to his car. Looking about for Alphys, Napstablook, and Shyren, he suddenly found himself face to face with Maddy. He stumbled back a couple of steps.
Maddy huffed. "Okay, listen… Shyren… wants me to apologize to you."
Mettaton froze. Was hell really just about to freeze over?
Apparently it was. "Napstablook and Shyren are—apparently—not very concerned with what you did, and Shyren especially thinks it's not fair for me to hold a grudge against you for them. So, I'm sorry for bringing up their reactions to your… leaving." Maddy's tone told Mettaton she wanted to use a much stronger word than "leaving."
Mettaton opened his mouth to speak.
"Shut it, I'm not done. I won't hold a grudge against you for them anymore. But like I said, I will never forget the pain you put me through. I never felt so alone in my entire life after you left. And, like, I'm glad we're all together again, and that you're trying to make up for it, but…" Maddy shook her head. "Unless and until you ever give me a reasonable explanation for it, forgiveness is not very feasible for me."
"I get it. You hate me. Now, would you like a ride home?" Mettaton didn't know what possessed him to offer that, but as much as he disliked Maddy at this particular moment, the thought of her walking for who knows how long back to her house made him feel bad for her. Damn his empathy.
Maddy seemed a little taken aback by his offer, but considered it. "Alright. I should probably give these feet a rest, even if I can't fully feel them. I just hope I don't get sick," she said. She took the front passenger seat of Mettaton's car.
"That's where Alphys sits."
"How unfortunate for her."
Mettaton huffed. "Sorry, Alphie, you'll have to sit in the back. Maddy just took your spot," he said to Alphys as she waddled up.
"Oh, th-that's okay. I don't mind sitting with you guys." Alphys smiled at Napstablook and Shyren, who had come up behind her.
The drive home was pretty much entirely silent. None of the cousins or Shyren seemed to have anything to say to each other, and Alphys got the feeling something was off, but wasn't brave enough to say anything.
They dropped Shyren and Maddy off at their homes before going to the apartment complex. Mettaton was deep in thought the whole way home, his mind a mix of the things Maddy and Papyrus had said.
Honestly, he'd just have to accept that he and Maddy would never be close again. Not that they had ever been that close—he and Blooky had been like siblings to each other with Shyren as their best friend, but Maddy had always been a bit of a loner. Still, before Mettaton's parents' deaths and his… leaving, Maddy had at least been someone for Mettaton to confide in.
It kind of surprised him, how much the thought hurt… the thought of him never being able to confide in her again.
But actions had consequences, and Mettaton would have to live with them.
Besides—this thought cheered him up greatly—he seemed to have found something of a confidant in Papyrus. The skeleton never pushed him to reveal anything he didn't want people to know, and he gave off the impression that he was good at keeping secrets. And clearly he thought the same of Mettaton, for the most part, as he had told the robot his troubles, even if he kept some details to himself.
So even if he and Maddy didn't tell each other secrets anymore, he had a replacement—arguably a better one.
I should start texting Papyrus again, he thought. We've rather dropped off lately.
Yes, he had a better, more sympathetic confidant in Papyrus. And he was going to be happy with that.
oooooooooo
more Mettaton-Maddy interactions... I hope Maddy isn't very unlikable here, lol. she's just very bitter and in a lot of emotional pain. it will get better, Maddy, I promise.
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