Thank you to everyone who reviewed 333333 this might be slightly out of character for Reid but


Emily's heart beats rapidly in her chest as Hotch gently guides her to Rossi's front door with a hand on the small of her back. She is glad for the contact, otherwise, she would have run for the hills once they stepped out of the car.

The sun is just beginning to set, and there is a gentle breeze in the air that keeps the temperature just cool enough to be comfortable. The green button-down dress she wears ripples in the breeze, and it has the brunette hugging her casted arm across her chest.

The dress she had planned to wear originally was red, like the tattered dress she had left the barn wearing, but when she had put the fabric onto her body she had been hit with a flashback so intense it took Hotch twenty minutes to talk her down.

Red used to be her color. Not anymore.

It feels good to get out of her apartment wearing clothes other than sweatpants and a big shirt, but it also feels out of the ordinary. They had gone to Rossi's for dinner dozens of times before this, but this time it was different. The people were the same, the location was the same, but she was different.

"Ready?" Hotch asks softly when they take the last step up to the front door. The tension is rippling off of her in waves, and he can feel it through his hand on her back.

"I don't know why I'm so anxious. I'm being ridiculous." Her voice is monotoned as she looks away from Hotch to hide her face from his analyzing eyes.

Hotch reaches the hand that had previously rested on her back and tilts her chin gently so she is forced to look back at him. "You are not being ridiculous. We've talked about this, Em. You are entitled to feel everything you're feeling with no explanation. Okay?"

Emily looks into his eyes and nods "okay." At this moment she is so grateful for the stability he offers her that she leans in instinctively to kiss him. It's a reflex, but she stops inches away from his face when fear prevents her from closing the gap.

They're inches apart, and as much as Hotch wants to kiss the beautiful woman in front of him, he stops himself and kisses her forehead instead. They hadn't shared an intimate kiss since Emily had been rescued, and that is okay with him. She'll get there one day, but today is not that day so he resigns himself to kissing her on the forehead and pulling back to give her a comforting smile.

"Thank you," Emily says so quietly it's as if she didn't say anything at all. Any other man would have grown annoyed with her mood swings and mental state by now, but not Hotch.

As the wind blows and the bird's chirp Emily looks up at the man in front of her and realizes she is in love with him. It hits her like a ton of bricks, and it causes her to lose her breath. Love, did she really deserve love? She had never been in love before, but now that it's staring her straight in the face she can't help but revel in the feeling.

The sudden change of facial expressions has Hotch frowning "are you okay?" He asks as he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. She is wearing her hair down, and he loves it when she does.

Emily shakes her head and clears her throat "Yeah I'm…"

"Are you two going to go inside?" JJ walks up the pathway with her arm tucked under Will's back and his arm around her shoulders. The pair walks closer and JJ immediately picks up on the emotion "Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize….."

"No, it's okay….." Hotch jumbles out quickly on top of JJ's words. "We were just going in" he nods at the pair and then looks back to Emily who seems lost in thought. "Ready?" He asks her again while replacing his hand on the small of her back. She had gotten more attached to his presence, and he always tries to keep a physical connection to remind Emily that he's right next to her.

"Yes," she says quickly before reaching for the door handle, swinging it open, and walking inside. They had all become so comfortable with each other that it was uncommon for anyone to knock upon entry to a team member's home. They all simply walked in and announced their presence.

"There she is!" Rossi says warmly from his place in the kitchen. He sets down the dishrag in his hands and approaches the pair with a friendly smile. "How are you doing, Bella?" He makes a point to stop several feet away from Emily so there is no chance of putting her on edge.

Emily smiles slightly at this and nods her before head closing the distance and grabbing onto his hand tightly "così come ci si può aspettare" as well as can be expected.

Rossi nods kindly at this and squeezes her hands back "sono così orgoglioso di te" I am so proud of you.

The compliment has Emily bowing her head. Part of it was because she wasn't expecting such a nice compliment, but the more prominent reason was that she didn't feel she deserved it. Every step was difficult, and every breath was agony. The emotional agony- the deep-rooted and all-encompassing agony that comes with trauma.

"We're here too you know, Dave" JJ sing songs playfully from behind Hotch and Emily, shutting the door behind her and Will.

"And I am so happy you are" Rossi replies cheekily before letting Emily's hands go and turning back to lead the group into the kitchen.

Reid stands awkwardly at the counter, his eyes looking everywhere in the room except at Emily. He was happy, so happy she was okay, but the sting of her abandonment was still there.

"Is everyone ready to eat?" Rossi claps his hands dramatically and gestures to the light-up area in the backyard. "As you see I've gone all out for our first meal together again after…." he surprisingly stumbles on his words. Rossi always had himself together, every word spoken was always crips and calculated.

The silence that follows makes Emily's stomach drop. She had been a fool to think they could eat and drink without the constant reminder of what had happened to her and what she had put them through hovering around their heads.

Hotch nudges his shoulder into Emily's gently, a reminder that his stoic support is always there when she needs it.

"I brought wine!" JJ exclaims excitedly before pulling out two bottles from the purse she had brought.

"ooooh I love that Pinot Grigio, jayje. Nice work" Garcia says quickly from the other side of the counter where she stands with Derek. The energy in the room was quickly making her uncomfortable and she would do anything to avoid that.

"you're just trying to get me into bed, woman," Derek says as his eyebrows wiggle up and down.

Emily smiles slightly and looks back to JJ "thank you" she mouthes before turning back around and shuffling closer into the warmth Hotch brought her.

"Let's eat!" Rossi says before opening the door and ushering everyone out.


The twinkling lights and the music that floats through the speaker work in unison to set a gentle and calm mood for dinner.

The conversation is pleasant, and Emily surprisingly finds herself settling into the routine of dinner with her family. She is comfortably nestled in between Hotch and JJ, and she could almost forget about what happened to her except for the fact that Reid is switching between ignoring her and starring intently at her.

"That was all on you," Derek says through a laugh after taking a rather large sip of wine. The wine is flowing and working as a buffer during the more uncomfortable times. Everyone is several glasses in, including Hotch who rarely drank when the team was all together.

"No, it wasn't!" Emily exclaims loudly, louder than normal because of the wine. "you TOLD me to go after him and cut through that alley."

"How was I supposed to know you were going to trip and fall in all that mud? You were going to go after him yourself whether I told you which way to go or not! He shakes his head and takes another sip of wine "that was all on you princess."

"I…"

"You have a habit of doing that a lot Emily don't you, going after the unsub yourself?" Reid looks at her from across the table with no expression on his face.

The group is silent, even the crickets have stopped chirping.

Emily had planned on talking to him after dinner, but it looks like they were going to do this now. "Reid, can I talk to you inside, please?" Her voice is unintentionally quiet, the uncertainty in her words and actions shining through.

Hotch stiffens next to Emily, prepared to snap back even though he knows Emily is more than capable of handling it herself. He can't help it, he now has this vicious need to protect her that hadn't been there before Maryland.

"I'm fine right here," Reid says innocently as he takes another sip of wine and shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. It was rare that Reid would act so bold, but he had been drinking as much as the rest of them.

"Okay," Emily says softly, not willing to pitch a fight in front of the entire team. She pats Hotch's knee under the table and has another sip of wine. The liquid instantly made her warm, and she shakes her head as she sets the glass down, determined not to ruin the night.

"Anyway… Garcia says quickly "I love that color on you, Em. We'll have to have a girls shopping trip! It's been so long since the last one."

Emily smiles appreciatively "That sounds wonderful, Pen. What about next weekend?"

The two other girls nod excitedly. Garcia claps her hands and almost knocks over her wine glass, Derek catching it at the last second as liquid sloshes over the rim.

"Watch it, girl," he says with a light voice "If that had spilled on me I would have had to run around naked."

"IS THAT A PROMISE?" Garcia shrieks and pretends to spill the wine in his lap.

"You better not spill that wine it was expensive!" Rossi says as he stands up from the table "Is anyone still hungry? I have dessert in the kitchen."

Emily shakes her head quickly "Not me Dave I'm full."

Reid picks up his glass and goes to take a sip "Yeah full of bullsh-"

"Hey" Hotch says sternly, body rigid with anger and his face as hard as stone. This wasn't fair to Emily, not here and now. They all understood why he was angry, but she was safe and sound and that is all that mattered in his book. She was a victim, she didn't need this right now.

"No, it's okay Hotch," Emily says hotly before rising to her feet, straight across from Dave. She leans forward aggressively and puts her weight on her arms. The cast on her arm takes away a little bit of the ferocity, but not enough for Reid to be comfortable.

The moonlight catches Emily's arms and makes the thin scars that stretch across them glow. Emily doesn't notice, but everyone else does and it has JJ bowing her head and Derek looking away. They line her entire arm, and it was impossible to ignore the implications of those scars.

"I'm only going to say this once," Emily says hotly, looking around the table "I don't want to fight with any of you. I love you all, more than anything, but I will NOT be made out as the bad guy. I risked my life so that all of you could keep yours, and I would do it again in a heartbeat" Emily puffs out angrily, looking back to Reid "I am sorry that I didn't discuss my plan with you or anyone else, but Hotch and JJ have kids for fucks sake and I was not going to risk their lives."

Emily stands for a few seconds, panting from speaking so fast and slightly lightheaded from the wine.

"Thank you for dinner Dave, it was lovely" Emily finally says, looking up at the older man and bowing her head before grabbing her clutch off the table and walking away. Before she gets too far she turns around and looks back "I really wanted this to work. For one night I wanted to pretend I wasn't rotting from the inside out. I wanted…." Emily shakes her head and blinks back the tears.

Without another word she leaves, Hotch trailing behind her.

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so sory for the time it took me to update, i don't even remever the last time i did. pls review, even tho i do not deserve it. xoxo