Disclaimer: I do not have the rights to SOA and make no profit from my writing. Anything you don't recognize from the show I have created.


Content Warning: This fanfiction is rated M. Please respect that warning and do not read this if you do not want to read M rated material.


I no longer have a beta, so all mistakes are my own.

2042

Age 50

Casper sat at a table with Matthew and Shark in the club house after work the next day. Matthew was telling Shark about his 'night' with Suzie, as he had assured both men it hadn't been a date. Shark egged him on, telling him to ask her out officially, make a move, be a man. Casper listened in silence. He remembered Suzie as a little girl who carried around a stuffed cat. He couldn't picture her dating anyone, even if he had mostly adjusted to his own son being a man now.

Matthew glanced at his watch and drained his beer. "Dinner time." He announced. "Ground turkey meatloaf. If either of you are interested."

Shark paused for a moment. There was nothing he would like more than to sit down to a meal with Gabby and Mathew, do the dishes with Gabby, watch a game on tv with Matthew, let Gabby fall asleep on his shoulder. He shook the picture out of his head.

"Already got a steak thawing." He lied and clapped Matthew on the shoulder. "Bring me some for lunch."

"No problem." Matthew smiled and looked at his father for just a moment before walking out the door.

Casper drained the rest of his beer as well. He got up slowly and walked toward the door. Tig watched him closely. This would be the first time since coming home Casper had gone home in time for dinner.


Matthew came in the house just as Gabby was pulling the meatloaf out of the oven.

"Smells delicious." He smiled, and kissed his mom on the cheek.

"I thought meatloaf might get you over here." Gabby smiled and kissed him back. "Mashed potatoes and gravy on the stove top. Steamed peas in the microwave."

Matthew got out 2 plates and dolled out servings of the sides as Gabby cut into the meatloaf. She laid the thick slices out on the plates and Matthew had just set them on the table when the garage door opened. He looked up to see his father.

Matthew was well aware his father hadn't spent much time at home. When he did stop by the house in the evenings he was never there, and he could tell his mother was a ball of stress.

"Mom's meatloaf got you too, huh?" He asked cheerfully and went back to the cupboard to get another plate. "You eating?"

"Yeah." He eyed Gabby who was cutting another piece of meatloaf. "I can do that."

"No need." Gabby gave him a half smile and set the slice on the waiting plate. She handed it to Casper as Matthew carried 2 beers to the table.

Gabby sat down a minute later with a glass of wine.

"MMMM I love your meatloaf." Matthew said with his mouth full. "Shark wants some for lunch."

"No problem. I'll give you some for Tig, too."

"Is he gonna ask if it's Gemma's recipe?"

"If he does, kick him." Gabby teased and Matthew laughed loudly. Casper cracked a smile. He liked hearing his son laugh at the kitchen table. It felt…normal.

"How was your date?" Gabby asked her son.

"It wasn't a date." Matthew rolled his eyes and turned slightly pink.

"It was a night out." Casper supplied, entering the conversation.

"Exactly." Matthew agreed. "It was fun. The band was good. The drinks were cheap. We'll probably go back." He shrugged his shoulders and shoved more food in his mouth.

"You need to tell her to stop over. She hasn't seen Casper yet."

"Yeah, her schedule is wacked." Matthew nodded his head.

"She called me." Casper spoke up. "Just for a few minutes, last week on lunch."

"That was nice. She's so sweet." Gabby smiled and took a sip of wine. "So…was there dancing?"

"Mom!"


Casper and Matthew watched a game in the living room as Gabby cleaned up and doled out servings into Tupperware for the other men in her life. She added a note to the outside of the fridge to remind Matthew to take the containers in and carried a glass of wine to the living room.

She sat on the other side of the couch than Casper. Matthew having taken the recliner. She sipped her wine and scrolled through Instagram on her phone as the men cheered or booed at the screen.

This is what she had pictured Casper's homecoming as. Family dinner, father and son bonding, the sounds of family in the house. She smiled to herself as she listened to the noise in the room.

After the game Matthew headed up to his room. Where he would sleep on any given night, home or the dorms, was always up in the air. Gabby didn't mind. She wasn't ready for him to move out completely.

Gabby tossed the empty beer bottles and wine bottle in the recycling bin just outside the garage door and locked up. She turned around to see Casper headed into the den.

"You could…sleep upstairs." Gabby said quietly.

Casper looked at his wife, eyed the stairs. He looked back in the den, what had been his safe space for so long now.

"No thanks." He answered, and turned around before he had to see the hurt look in Gabby's eyes.


The next day was Friday, and Casper walked through the loud crowd on the lot. All the hang arounds were new since he had gone away. The women all seemed to be the same age. He eyed a young 20 something carrying a tray of shots across the lot. Black leather skirt, black leather halter top. Very hot.

He continued to walk back into the clubhouse and eyed his son, talking with a young hang around instead of watching the women in the room. Of course, Gabby would have raised his son to be a gentleman.

He grabbed a beer at the bar and sat at a corner table, eyeing the crowd.

"Mind if I steal a seat?" Gabby asked, carrying a beer as well.

Casper responded by kicking out a chair.

Gabby sat quiet for a minute, looking out where Casper was staring. At a loss of what to talk about, she started pointing out the people Casper was looking at, sharing names and any details she knew about them.

Shark walked past, carrying a cup of coffee and gave the couple a nod.

"What's that about? Casper asked.

"What?" Gabby asked.

"No drink." Casper nodded at Shark's back.

"He doesn't drink anymore." Gabby said simply.

"Since when?"

"A few years now. He was pretty deep under. The guys are all real supportive. They pour him ginger ale so he can do shots with them when they celebrate."

Casper nodded his head and went back to studying the crowd. The blond in the black leather came back into the clubhouse and made a round of the room, picking up empties. He watched her walk, front and back, eyes locked on her.

Gabby resisted the urge to clear her throat. Maybe she should have put more effort into her outfit than dark jeans and a fitted t shirt. She smoothed her hair down nervously as Casper didn't look away from the young woman.

"Hey parentals." Matthew sat down, blocking Casper's view of the woman. "Music isn't too loud for you I hope." He teased his parents.

"Hardy har har." Gabby answered him.

"Some of the hang arounds want to see you get in the ring. They elected Charles to fight you. If you're interested." Matthew spoke to his father.

"Sure, I can take Charles." Casper said, very sure of himself.

"If you too are gonna start bleeding, I'm gonna go home. Have fun, don't ride drunk." She reminded the men in her life and walked through the club house. She hugged a few patches as she passed them.

"Have you met Charles?" Matthew asked his father.

"No. But I can take him."


Gabby was awake in bed when she heard her husband's heavy steps come in the house. She held her breath as he got water, and let it back out when she heard the den door close.

They were making progress, weren't they? At least a little? Yesterday at dinner, tonight at the party? Sure, he stared that girl down like she was steak and he was a dog, but he had come home, hadn't he?

Gabby turned over in bed and tried to block out her thoughts. Wondering what was going on in her husband's head day after day was exhausting. She tried to imagine Matthew and Suzie as a couple. Holding hands, cuddling, Suzie in Matthew's lap at the clubhouse. Those were good thoughts. Suzie was a strong woman, and Matthew would be lucky to have her. She just had to convince the two that Suzie being older than him didn't matter. She was pretty sure Matthew was over it, but he sure worried that Suzie wasn't.


Gabby slept in the next morning. She didn't budge from bed till she heard Casper come up the stairs. She smoothed her hair and pulled down her sleep top, hoping against hope he was coming up for her.

No such luck. He walked directly into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

Gabby got up slowly. If this had been a normal day in their marriage, Gabby would have stripped down and joined him for a quickie against the tile wall. But remembering their last intimate encounter, she opted to get dressed instead.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing lotion into her heels when Casper came out of the bathroom. He walked directly to his dresser and pulled out clean clothes, throwing them on haphazardly.

"I was thinking," Gabby stood up to face him. "It's Saturday. I could make us pancakes."

Casper saw flashes of his kids, covered in flour, making a sticky mess of pancakes on the table on Saturday mornings. He remembered Matthew had told him Shark had declared pancake Saturdays before he could even remember. Because Matthew didn't remember his father being home with him. The lightly subdued anger rose again in Casper's soul.

"You really think it's that easy, don't you?" He asked Gabby, walking towards her.

"It was just a suggestion." She defended herself.

"You think I didn't imagine cooking for my kids every Saturday when I woke up in that hell hole?" He asked.

"Casper…" Gabby was at a loss for words.

"It's all that easy for you isn't it? Just let everything fall back into place like nothing ever changed.

"You don't give a flying fuck what I went through, what I lost. What I can never get back. My son's entire life, Gabby. I lost everything. My daughter won't even speak to me.

"Are you even sorry?" He screamed.

"I'm sorry for what you went through. Of course, I am, I lost you too. I raised our kids alone, I had no one to turn to when things got tough, I was always the bad guy. I went to bed, every night, alone, wishing you were there with me."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have gotten me locked up!"

"NO!" Gabby screamed. "I blamed myself for that for way to long. I'm sorry it happened; I hate that it happened. But it wasn't my fault. I didn't ask you to go see Ryan. You made that choice. It was your decision!"

Casper grabbed Gabby by the neck and squeezed. Gabby brought her hands up to his wrist automatically, trying to pry him off.

"My choice, my decision? She was your friend! I only knew her because of you. She showed up that night to see you, not me!"

"Casper!" Gabby got out as she struggled to breath.

"No! It was not my fault. It was not my fault, Gabby. It was not my fault!" He repeated like he was in a trance. He threw Gabby away from him. He watched her head connect with the corner of the nightstand. He stood just a moment, wondering if she was going to get back up, before he walked out the door.


Had to put in a cliff hanger with only 3 chapters to go!


Please leave all reviews, comments, criticisms, questions, guesses, predictions, hopes and dreams, etc. in the box below! I LOVE hearing from you!