Illusion is Reality
Chapter 132
-The urban legend has come true-
As soon as I got Ford back to his 'set all safe and sound, I dove back into my Void of Doors to go back to my brother. I tried the Door again, to try and force it open.
It didn't.
I blinked.
Damn.
I tapped the Door again. Nothing.
I tried turning the handle. Nothing.
The panic was slowly setting in as I realized it wasn't just some security thing that had some kinda cooldown before it would open again.
Did brother lock me out?
Did he… not want me around?
Did he lie to me?
Did he really not love me?
I didn't even realize I was scratching at the Door until I finally registered the noise. I stopped scratching.
Instead, I began slamming myself against the Door.
"Brother? Brother?!" I scrambled at the handle, growing more and more distressed as it continued to remain shut.
No. No. No. Nononononononononononnononononnonononononon͇͉͘o̰̩̟ṇ̷̩͍o̬̱̰͙̞ͅn̻̻̬̼͎̘o͕̬̤n͉͈̬͈̜͇̮o̙̥͚ṉ̡̱̹o͏̗̝!
I don't know how long I was there, screaming and begging and apologizing to that door as it refused to open.
I slid slowly down the side of it, curling up.
"...fine. I get it." I muttered. "You don't want to see me. That's fine. I can wait."
I had all the time in the world. He had to come out eventually, right?
I had to 'wake up' and leave my Dreamscape at some point, life didn't stop just because my brother was locking me out. If it was him who was doing this. Perhaps it wasn't him, perhaps his Stanley had somehow figured out how to do this. Or his AXOLOTL. It made more sense that it would be the stupid lizard. But whoever was behind it, it still had the same result. I couldn't get in to see my brother.
I tried not to let it tear me up inside.
...My birthday party with my human family and alien friends went great. But even though it was fun, I still… couldn't help but feel a little guilty.
I tried to distract myself, showering love onto Mabel's boyfriend, whom I'm seriously considering just adopting at this point. But even with him and everyone else, I still felt kind of empty inside.
I sent messages on my blog to brother, but there's no response. My attempts to contact mister Stan or Mary weren't getting through either. And the Door remained locked every night I went to go see it.
If I had to be honest, I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I finished sending brother yet another message on my blog, letting him know that something was going on with the Door and I couldn't follow him in. Still no response, but I would keep waiting.
Meanwhile...
As part of a thing that Linda once told me, and that Pyronica talked with me about, I've decided I was going to find what I wanted, and think more and learn more and everything like that. But heck if I know what to do with myself. (I mean, wanting a baby to smother with my love wasn't quite… all I wanted in life. I had other wants.) I also had to learn to be more assertive with some people. And less toxic. However the fuck that would even work? I've just been going through the motions for a good long time as I tried to be better and ultimately just made myself miserable because I don't know what 'better' even was. I needed to figure myself out. Take a break from doing all the things and just… meditate. It wasn't like I was just trying to take my mind off the stupid things that haunted my thoughts, like how maybe brother really had locked me out on purpose because he was upset by what I said to him, and he didn't need me anymore anyway, since Liam was back.
Or how brother had essentially said that having the power to change stuff, fix stuff, and not doing it was awful. And how that just reminded me of Pynelope and it just brought up all sorts of awful feelings inside. Because I was still not 'fixing' things even though I probably could. And that my idea of fixing things wasn't the same as brothers, and that made me feel guilty too...
"Dude… is Bill alright?" "I dunno. He hasn't moved in days." "Think he left his body behind or something?" "Nah, he's not stone, so he's still there…. I think?"
I left part of my senses open to the outside, in case something important was happening, but it was mostly just my friends waving their hands in front of me or wondering how I was doing. And in terms of how I was doing...
Well, I've been messing around with my Mindscape.
Not, messing, mesing. Just… reorganizing things? I'm a hoarder (of knowledge) so there's a lot of information here, and I kept most of them just tossed onto a shelf or in a closet. Heck the stuff I got from brother's AXOLOTL was just shoved into a drawer. But I really should get this shit more organized. Maybe that would even help my focus and memory issues.
And now that I was paying more attention, I could see the places where things moved outside my conscious control. The ladders and stairs between the different floors and platforms of this place were always moving. So going up a ladder might get you to one floor, or another, or just somehow lead you back to the floor you just left. This sometimes made it difficult to remember how to find the information I wanted since I'd be going to the floor for Plant-facts and end up on the balcony for Heavy Metal Songs about Food. Ah, this is why I was always forgetting to remember things...
So I moved the Information packets around. Some of them took the form of books. Some were objects. Some were CDs. Heck, most of my Human-life memories were in stuffed animals. Oh hey, here's the blueprints for that transdimensional bathroom, I forgot I had that.
The thing is, I can't technically 'forget' anything. Since all that information was HERE. I just… don't know where everything was. I mean, there is some automatic sorting that happens, but some bits of info gets flung around as my subconscious didn't know where to put them without my direct input. So… yeah… I had to scour through my whole Mindscape and actually put stuff away where I want them.
Sorting through billions of years of info and memories was going to take a while, even with all the other 'Me's helping out. And being able to just pick something up and waving it off to the section I wanted to put it in, was a godsend. I had a whole floor devoted just to the music and songs I know. It's not like my Mind wasn't organized before this, it was just… really cluttered together.
An organized mess, as some put it?
Well, either way. It'd been a while since I've really sorted through this stuff. So I should be doing this anyway. And besides, making new rooms to spread out more of my Knowledge and memories would help increase my carrying capacity for energy. And I needed to be able to carry a lot of energy from now on.
Making Deals was good for increasing my capacity, but brother didn't really like Deals much… and I guess… what with the side effects on my own mind as part of my original Deal with my Friends… I can see why it might be something I should be more careful with. So reorganizing my Mind and building it out is probably safer for me in the long run. Well, I was still up for Deals if anyone summons me, I was just going to be more careful.
Ah… there are some items missing in here. Oh right, that Pensieve-type thing I made for storing the stuff I didn't want to think about. Erm… that might have been a bad idea, but I just… didn't want to deal with some shit. But… if I was going to be putting myself together fully and going to therapy to try and heal from all my damage, I'd probably need to put it back. Eh…. I didn't want to think about it.
...I wonder if that's why it's such a mess in here? I have too many things I just… didn't want to think about… so I subconsciously scrambled the place?
Eh? I was walking between a few hallways and I swear I heard some kinda creak. Were the floorboards loose in here? Isn't that bad? I mean, this was my mind. I guess I have broken multiple times, so I should get to fixing up the structures and shit too. I sent some of the other 'Me's to start work on replacing old or broken floor boards, stairs, ladder rungs, walls...
Gray never taught me about carpentry, since I wasn't someone he could have as a true 'son' and successor, but it's fine. I learned on my own. Just like I've had to learn everything else.
...brother taught me a few things… but I didn't work the same way he did… and I still felt like I was less competent because of it. But I wasn't all that smart. Nowhere near as smart as he is. So I had to take short cuts. I had to make my own methods. I couldn't do things like other people did. And while it worked for me, different methods of getting to the same end result, I still… felt like there was something wrong with me. For not being able to do what other people did. For not being able to think like other people did. I know I'm insane, but this wasn't a new thing. I've felt like this back when I was human too.
The feeling of being wrong and not knowing why. Did other people feel like that sometimes? Like they were just doing something wrong and not following along with what everyone seemed to understand so easily?
My hand bumped against something while I was removing another floorboard.
I reached in and found the broken pieces of some glass bauble.
...what is this?
Well, it was probably a memory...
But why was it here, under the floorboards? And broken like this?
Whatever, I could fix it. I gathered up the shards carefully and began to piece it together. The heat from my hands were already helping the glass meld back together. I wonder what this was? Did it get lost and broken from one of the many, many times I went into turmoil and broke?
...large pink hands closed around me…
I blinked. What… was that?
"...let go. Talk to me! Explain this to me!
I whimpered, pressing a hand to my top brick. What was...
"...please! I just want to understand! Quit being stupid and just TALK to me!"
What memory was this?
"Please...just...tell me...I promise I will listen...to...you...explain…"
My head was starting to hurt. What had I forgotten? I placed the bauble down and groaned. Fuck, I didn't feel up to messing with this right now. I was too upset and stressed.
I floated the bauble over to a box to peruse later. My head was hurting and I needed to take a break.
I opened my eye with a sigh. 8-Ball and Toobie jumped back, falling over themselves. If I had an eyebrow, I'd raise it. "What're you two doing?"
"N-nothing?" 8-Ball grunted. Toobie let out a squeaky, "Nutin'?"
I continued staring at them. I could see the way Toobie was bubbling, a sure sign of nerves. "Reeeeeeally~?" If brother were here, he'd probably make some comment about how I let my guard down around them and they were definitely planning to assassinate me or something. But I know they wouldn't. The very thought was ridiculous.
Brother really had trust issues. He didn't even trust me...
(I tried not to let myself feel a little bitter about that.)
I pointed at 8-Ball, who was very suspiciously hiding something behind his back. Really, I had to give him another lesson on subtlety. "What 'cha hiding back there?" The ogre stiffened. "Noooothing?" he tried again. Then he jumped when a hand reached out from the ground and snatched it up.
"Ah huh?" I said blandly as the hand stretched over and handed me the thing it grabbed. I blinked.
"Are these… lunch vouchers to Crem de la Crem de la Hictor?" The fancy, super high class restaurant that opened up in Ottocron-9? The place where you had to make a booking at LEAST a millennia in advance to get a table?
8-Ball chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. "I wanted it to be a surprise." He admitted. "Was gonna put it near you for when you woke up."
He grunted when I tackled him and wrapped my arms around him. 8-Ball blinked before hugging me back. "Does this mean you like it?" He grinned.
"Of course! Thank you!" I squealed before I blinked and pushed myself back to stare him down. "How much did this cost you?" I didn't like the idea of 8-Ball using up all his savings for this, just for me.
8-Ball chuckled, reaching out to pick up Toobie. "I didn't have to pay a single Credit." His grin was sly. I tilted my head. "Oh? You didn't steal it, did you?" Which wasn't a condemnation. Even if shoplifting from a functioning store with workers was something I didn't approve of, stealing itself wasn't inherently bad. And stealing from stores during emergencies didn't count as shoplifting to me. But things like a voucher for a restaurant? Wasn't exactly the same as shoplifting either.
8-Ball lifted a hand to gesture at his eyes. "I," he said proudly, "Made some Deals."
"Information based?" I asked. His eyes were never wrong so I could very well see how much people would 'pay' to be allowed to use them. (Speaking of which, I didn't use his eyes myself for any of my burning questions, I didn't want to make him feel like I was using him. And more to the point, I didn't want to have the answers if they might be one I didn't like.)
"Yup." The ogre grinned.
"Limits and parameters?" I asked next. I know 8-Ball's not stupid enough to answer any dangerous questions but I still had to be sure...
"Three questions max. I got to choose if I wanted to answer or not. No questions about you or anyone else I know." 8-Ball nodded. I patted his head. "Good. I do want a list of the questions and answers you gave." I wasn't too worried, but I might as well get them. And yes, I was gonna Look it up later, but I wanted a list written by 8-Ball as well, so I could see how much he remembered and understood what was being asked of him.
I wasn't worried about his Deal, since 8-Ball didn't have the power to make real Binding Deals (yet) and therefore his deals were verbal agreements only, reinforced by his own willingness to complete them. It also meant his deal wasn't binding, and he couldn't magically enforce or punish someone for going back on it. But… other people shouldn't know that. And 8-Ball was one of mine, I'd find out sooner or later who everyone was, and whether they abided by their half of the 'Deal' or not.
As much as I disliked being feared, the fact that people were intimidated by the idea of me did help to protect my friends somewhat on it's own.
"So, anything else I need to know?" I asked. 8-Ball pet Toobie as he thought about it. I could see his eyes rolling in his head. "Um… They mainly asked about financial decisions."
Hm… Well, with how fucked up the multiverse is, I guess people would worry…. Though, if this person had a reservation at Crem de la Crem de la Hictor, they were probably rich to begin with. I patted 8-Ball on the head even as I Looked into it.
Hm… rich aristocrat, oh? The third son, didn't actually want to waste time at the restaurant with his family, wanted to start his own business and break away from his family. Figured a good 'fuck you' to his parents would be giving away their reservation seats to someone else. Knew that 8-Ball was one of mine, assumed that 8-Ball had been sent by me to acquire access to the restaurant. Had a good time getting some info on what to invest in for his new business.
That business being, a partnership with my Farms. Well, food is, and always will be, the most important business to be in. Commercial goods and such are one thing, but nearly everything needs food to live.
Hm… speaking of...
I only had that not-chocolate cake from Lee as a base, since I never got to go over to their side and get more to study. But that's fine. I can reverse engineer it. Get the non-chocolate figured out in an anatomic level, rebuild it into a growable form and start production of it on a new planet.
Well, if this dude wanted to get into business with my Farms anyway, he was going to have to talk to Xin at some point.
I could work with this.
I gave 8-Ball's head another hug. "Thank you, really." I closed my eye as I pressed my top bricks against him. "I really appreciate it."
8-Ball flushed, "Aww it was nothing. I just thought you seemed sad recently. And you like fancy food."
I giggled, "Well, yeah. But this reservation is for a whole table, so I'm taking you all along with me, if you want to go, at least."
8-Ball nodded. "Pyronica says we have to get in with the rich folk. And politicians." He said brightly.
I raised my hat a little to scratch my tip. "Huh? Why'd you guys have to do that? I know Hectorgon likes making connections in high places…" But the others weren't as interested in politics. Or the savage high class social aspects.
8-Ball looked away, "Er… Reasons?" I stared at him intently as he sweated. Well, looks like my Friends were planning more stuff behind my back. That was fine. They had their own plans. Planning things on their own was a sign of independence, of being able to take care of themselves without me. If they wanted to tell me, they would. If they needed help, they would ask. "Well, if it's a reason you want to share, I'm here to listen." I told him finally. 8-Ball relaxed. "We will, er, I mean, we just need to get a few things figured out first before involving you." I'll hold them to that.
Part of me felt guilty for indulging in fancy food while there were still people out in the multiverse starving because the colonization and exploitation of the Federation ruined their lands to the point that many planets couldn't support the mative inhabitants like they were supposed to, but I was still brainstorming how to give supplies to people without being found out.
And the other part of me couldn't help but…
"Frache Salad with extra cheese, Grilled Dridder steak with the side of mashed potatoes, ooh and an order of the gira-necked clams with the cocktail sauce…" I was pointing at everything on the menu that caught my attention. My friends had already made their orders and I couldn't help but order everything else that they didn't. I mean, this place wasn't somewhere I could just go back to another time to try the other items, so I was gonna try them all tonight! "And the scallops!" I crooned at the menu. Hectorgon had to very carefully pry it out of my hands. I reached for it, whining, "Wait! There's snails! Snaaaaails!" But Hectorgon cut me off, "Bill, I know this means a lot to you, but the poor chefs need to cook for all the other guests too."
I hate how he's right. Eh, I'll put in another reservation. It'll be something to look forward to in the future. (A reason for me to stay alive, hey, look at that.)
Even as I nibbled on a cut of meat or laughed at one of Teeth's jokes, my mind was off making and discarding ideas for what to do in the future. Everything that I felt helpless on, because what was the point of all the power I had when I still couldn't figure out politics and reworking a societal structure of inequality? And then Pyronica gave me a flick. "Ow." I said, more out of surprise than real pain.
"We're here for pleasure, and you're supposed to relax and have fun. So take a break from all your stress for once." She scolded. She saw right through me, didn't she? I really can't hide stuff from her anymore. "Besides," she huffed, shoving a large shank of meat into her mouth and chewing, "Wewre gonna hewph yuu with it, ya nouh?"
Help me? With… the mess that was… everything? She mentioned it before, but I was still unsure- She saw my skeptical look. She rolled her eye and swallowed. "Look, I know we don't know anything about governmental stuff, but we can help out in our own way. Just tell us what you have a problem with and we'll all put our heads together to figure out what to do, yeah? I told you, you don't have to do all this alone." She poked me again. "We're not stupid, and you know this well. Trust us to help you."
I paused. "I just… don't know how-"
"We can break into people's houses. We can gather information. We can even make our own version of Deals." 8-Ball pointed out. I glanced out at the rest of the table to see everyone nodding along. Teeth shrugged. "And Ammy can probably get into any place he wants and steal anything he wants."
"I want a cinder block." Ammy said before reaching a hand into one of his blocks and pulling out a large gray brick and dropping it on the table, careful to avoid any of the plates of food. Everyone barely paid it any mind, used to this from him by now. "Well, yes, but how am I supposed to make the world less unfair?" I asked. I know the world was unfair, I knew that very well, but that didn't mean that I had to just… accept that. It wasn't wrong to want the world to be better. It shouldn't be.
"Kidnap the council members." Teeth suggested. "Nah, they'd just start sending soldiers against us." Hectorgon shot down. "Just start going around, fixing the infrastructure and other things?" Keyhole piped up. "I'm already doing a lot of stuff like that." I sighed. "I've got a dedicated soup kitchen set up in every quadrant. I have my Farmers working on giving out all their extra crops as food for free to any planets that need and request it. There's a whole subsection of my worshippers who run those food kitchens. I've got a hospital that'll give free treatments to anyone who requests it..." I listed off all the various projects I was already working on.
And of course, there was a Filter in place around our table to prevent anyone from listening in or getting any info off us. I could see the people in the other tables watching us. I recognized a few from some affluent crime families. Actually, there were a lot of people from the criminal syndicates around here. I mean, I guess they have the money for it.
Actually...
I made a quick Look around and had to shove another large forkful into my eyemouth to stop myself from reacting.
Well shit. They all came today because they knew I was coming.
Well, yeah, I suppose any of them could have checked the guest list since I had to call in to actually confirm my registration. I got the voucher from someone, but I still had to make the booking. And when [Bill Cipher] appeared on the reservation list, I suppose everyone else was quick to spread the word. Well, I wasn't too worried. As long as no one did anything stupid then nothing bad was going to happen.
And I did check all the food as they arrived at our table for anything toxic. Or anything like someone messing with the food. I worry about people spitting in my food because they didn't like me. Of course, if anyone did do that, I would have gone back into the kitchen to tear off a limb or two. And I think people knew that, since the food was entirely un-messed with. Anyway, the other thing of note here was that those other tables were all watching me. They wanted something from me. I knew that much.
So I kept part of my focus on them, even as I continued brainstorming ideas with my friends. I saw a few of the other tables nudging someone to get up and walk over. And a few would stand up, see someone else standing up and then they'd all stare at each other and sit back down. Silly dillys didn't know when was a good time to come talk to me.
"So like, if we just set up more shelters, or have Bill create a planet just for people to go to if they want to live somewhere else…" Keyhole was scratching his head.
So… more evacuation places just like the Island?
"Is hiding or avoiding the rest of the multiverse really the only way to do this?" I mumbled. "Well, it's that, or you take down the government, tear down society and rebuild a new one." Kryptos shrugged. "Which, we can technically do. You can do that."
"By force, yeah." I sighed. "I don't know if I should." Because I could do it, easily. Overpower people and enforce my will upon them all. But… wasn't that a bad thing to do? Forceful takeovers meant people would rebel or fight against me. I tried that with a planet once, and while it sort of worked, the inhabitants still had a civil war after I left, between those who liked the new system I set up, and those to prefered the old one. Of course, I technically could have avoided that by ruling over them for so long that anyone who knew about the old system died off, but that wasn't the point here. I wanted people to choose my system of their own accord. I wanted validation that my idea of a society built on everyone sharing what they had with each other, helping each other, and supporting each other, could work long term as something people would willingly follow.
"If this is some bullshit about not wanting to be a 'bad person' because you're afraid of your human family not liking you anymore because of it, shut up, you shouldn't be compromising your own feelings for their sake." Pyronica snapped.
I winced. Kryptos sighed. "Bill, you've always just done whatever you wanted. What's so different now? Are those humans really that important to you?" he had a bit of a sneer there, I knew he didn't like humans all that much, but this was...
"I…" everyone was watching me. Xanthar shuffled closer, letting me lean against his warm fur for comfort. "...don't want to let them down when they believe I could be a good person."
"Bill," Kryptos stared me down. "You're already a good person."
I burst out laughing.
Everyone's gazes were bemused as I snorted into my plate of food while pounding on the table with a tiny fist. "AHAHAHAHAAHA snort AHAHAHAAHA!" I heaved myself up, standing in my chair with my eye squinted into a grin. "That's a good one!" I sat back down, wiping fake tears from my eye. "Me, a good person. Heh."
Kryptos groaned, burning his face in his hands. "Bill…"
"You still don't believe it? Even after all this time?" Keyhole asked quietly. 8-Ball grumbled. "Well then, why can't we just ask my eyes?" I stopped laughing. Everyone was staring at 8-Ball now. He turned to Teeth, sitting beside him. "Ask me." he demanded.
Teeth reached his hand out. "Is Bill a good person?" he asked before he drew back his hand to smack 8-Ball's head. Teeth yelped when my hand closed around his, stopping him. "Don't." I whispered. My hand was shaking. I didn't want to know. Because there was no way it would be a positive answer. But having it confirmed would be...
"...Bill?" Pyronica laid a hand on my side. "Bill, breathe."
"...don't need to breathe." I had my eye closed tight, shaking all over.
"Bill," Pyronica picked me up and hugged me against her chest. "Why are you so afraid?"
"Because… because I can't be a good person, with how awful I am. But I don't want…" to have that outright confirmed. Hectorgon hopped over, taking one of my hands. "Well, what if you're a regular person? Neither good nor bad? Just… you."
I let out a shuddering laugh at that. "I'm still more bad than good."
"And what the fuck's wrong with that?" Pyronica snorted. "I'm a bad person. But you still like me."
"Because you're nice, when you have the choice to be."
"Peh, I eat people."
"Never said you were 'good'." I sighed. "But you're not a bad person."
"And you're not a bad person either." Teeth pointed out. "Otherwise you wouldn't be feeling so guilty over all this."
Part of me knew he was right. And there was a part of me that used to tell myself this. Long ago.
I'm not entirely a bad person, because I feel guilty about it.
...at what point did that not make me feel better anymore?
Feeling bad about doing something awful, and still choosing to do the awful thing. That's the worst. That's disgustingly bad.
...when had my thoughts turned to something like that?
...probably when that Stanford and the others from Blue's 'set got all mad at me about it...
Heck, I guess it was what made me realize I couldn't just go around, doing whatever I wanted. Because doing what I wanted made other people upset. I didn't really care before, since everyone hated me anyway, but Blue's Zodiac didn't hate me at first. They just started hating me after being around me.
...and that hurt.
I could take people just hating me right off the bat, I was used to that. But people hating me after actually being around me just meant that I was just that much of a shit head. And none of them would explain what I was doing wrong. And the only thing I could figure out that I was doing wrong was existing. They didn't like me because I exist. Because I was powerful and capable of altering the physical world around them easily. And that scared them. Of course it did. Who wouldn't be scared of someone who could do that?
But… like… all the gods could do that. Well, all the real gods at least. And even witches could do that. Magic users. Fuck, even people with advanced technology could do that. Anyone could fuck someone's day up if they wanted to, regardless of their power levels.
But I was still the problem. Because I went about doing whatever I wanted. And that's what they hated.
So… I shouldn't do what I want. But not doing anything just made me feel awful. And my judgement is shit. I know that. There are some things where I think I'm in the right on, like rape is bad. But at the same time… do I even know what counts as rape? Like, I had trouble identifying what was considered sexual assault if it didn't involve straight fucking another person. I can't be trusted to make any decisions. But I still have to do something.
...and I should just… stop trying to do things on my own. Just… do what other people tell me I should. That's the answer here. Let other people decide what's right or wrong. Because I can't be trusted to make the right choice.
And yet, I keep stupidly thinking that maybe I know what's best. And clearly I don't.
And that all just kept messing me up inside, making me feel worse and worse.
Pyronica shook me. I yelped as I was forcibly wretched back into the present.
"Bill! You're overthinking things and making yourself miserable! Stop that!" she hissed. I let out a sob, only realizing now that I was crying. "I don't know what to do…"
"News flash," Pyronica held me up to her eye. "None of us do. No one does. Not us, not you, not the fucking government- none of us know what the fuck we're supposed to be doing. None of us knows what's 'right' or 'wrong' in every situation! So why the fuck shouldn't we just do what we 'feel' is right?" she demanded from me. "You don't have to be a 'good' person to make good choices. And you aren't a bad person just because you made some bad choices."
"You're a person. Flawed and fucked up and trying your best, and that's fine." Hectorgon told me, patting my hand. "It's ok for you to mess up sometimes."
"But I'm always messing up. And I..." ...can't afford to make mistakes. I had too many responsibilities to afford to mess up. And Dad can't do anything, and Time Baby doesn't care. So that means I have to do it. I told them this, as well as the fact that part of why I loved my human family was because they would actually do stuff to take care of me, so I didn't have to take care of myself all the time. Keyhole raised a hand. "Um... I think that says more for how terrible of a dad the AXOLOTL is."
"He has his reasons." I defended him.
"You're still making excuses for him. Just like you do with your brother." Pyronica pointed out. "Just because you love them, and you say they love you back, doesn't mean they can't also be neglectful assholes."
Part of me knew she was right, but that didn't mean I wanted to believe it. "Brother's never had someone to take care of before, and he's just naturally an asshole, so it's not his fault."
"If he makes you feel bad, even unintentionally, it's still a bad thing." Pyronica pointed out. "And you've been messaging him on your Com with no replies, don't think we don't know about that. Hectorgon's got a record of what all of us are doing on our Coms."
"...I would say that's a breach of privacy but that would be hypocritical." I muttered.
"It's for safety reasons. Besides, I don't see everything you do, my program just tells me what sorts of activity is happening on the servers. Since everything is logged into a record on our home servers anyway as part of the checks against security breaches." Hectorgon shrugged. "But if it's a problem, I will stop. Kryptos and PaciFire already asked that I not monitor their activity." ("I don't actually mind, but I rather you didn't." PaciFire grunted.)
"Nah, I'd rather you knew in case something happened." I assured him. Besides, I don't feel a need to hide what I'm doing online from him. It's mostly just blogging, chatroom, anime and porn. And I had no issue with Hectorgon knowing that stuff. Hell, I knew way too much about my friend's personal lives already, so fair's fair.
"Look, the point is that you can't just excuse someone for being shit, even if you care about them." Pyronica jabbed a thumb over at Kryptos, "Like, we're still kinda mad at Kryptos, even though you've already forgiven and released him from his time-out bubble."
"Which I'm grateful for, but yeah. You kinda… forgave me way too easily." Kryptos deadpanned. "Like, I'm happy to not be in a bubble anymore, but you should have been more… angry, at what I did."
"Wasn't your fault." I automatically said, which had Pyronica flicking me again. "Bill!"
"He feels bad for it, apologized, and he didn't do something like that ever again, so I don't see the issue." I folded my arms. Why were they making such a big deal of this? Especially since I was the one who did all of the inappropriate touching to begin with. I was the one at fault there.
"...he really doesn't get it." Teeth sighed.
"Look, can we just drop this, for now? I mean, restructuring the entire multiverse kinda takes precedence in terms of importance, right?" I reached for my food. Seriously, how did we even get onto this topic?
"Eh, I mean, we're all assholes in our own way. I don't see why you're incapable of acknowledging that your dad's a jerk too." Pyronica stuck another bite of food into her mouth to chew on.
"Dad doesn't eat people." I pointed out. "Hah! Not that you know of!" My best friend cackled. That made me pause. Axolotl were cannibalistic, so theoretically...
...actually, what did Dad eat? I mean, I don't technically need to eat, so he probably didn't either, but still?
Hectorgon shuddered. "Ok, the idea of a giant all powerful god eating people is terrifying. No offense Bill."
"None taken."
"Can we… not talk about this while we're eating? Please?" 8-Ball whimpered, Xanthar also looked a bit uncomfortable. Poor sweeties. I stretched my hands out to pat their heads. "Ok, we won't talk about that right now."
Xanthar nodded, leaning over to practically envelop me in his bread fluff. I scooped him up another spoonful of soup. Keyhole was making weird faces while murmuring "Eating people…" under his breath. I'm unsure if I should be worried about his preferences.
The topic went to less stressful places after that.
"Lilie's been taking singing lessons." Teeth told us all. "He's interested in being part of the background chorus. Got interested in doing more than just tech work." he sounded so proud. "Speaking of, the next show's coming up three weeks from today. Who's coming?"
"I am!" I bounced in my seat with a hand in the air. Xanthar nodded, leaning down and snuffling against Teeth in a confirmation of his attendance as well. "Eh, I have no pressing matters." Pyronica shrugged. "I like your shows. And Toobie needs to go out more anyway." 8-Ball grinned. "I will come as well, for the flashing lights are appealing to me." Ammy was slathering some mashed vegetables onto the cinder block with his spoon.
"Sorry, I got class pretty much everyday." Kryptos sighed. "I am swamped with work too." Hectorgon groaned. "I will… try to make it." PaciFire rubbed his horn. "Got called in for some guest appearances."
"I can make it." Keyhole smiled as he nudged Teeth's side. "It's the musical about Sirenhead? Right?"
"Yeah, the tech guys have been working on the sound design for weeks." Teeth sighed. "They called in the actual Sirehead for his permission and input for the project." Teeth gushed. "I got to meet THE Sirenhead!" he swooned. Looks like Teeth was fanboying over yet another demonic monstrosity. Bonus points, Sirenhead was a famous opera singer around the music scene. I've been to a few of his concerts. Glorious~
So, making a musical about him was… kinda weird, but also appropriate. One of the writers in Teeth's troupe was a huge fan. Actually… I think I got contacted about giving permission to make a musical about Jan-Jan as well? But Ivan (surprisingly) turned it down. Something about not wanting to divulge my secrets and backstory, since the mystery was part of my appeal. Teeth also told me it was better to not have Jan reveal anything about himself. "Too much risk of people realizing something."
"Speaking of classes, what are you doing about… everything?" PaciFire asked Kryptos. The Polytool groaned. "Eh, I'm still keeping my major. I'm sure I'll find a use for building weapons of celestial destruction." he shrugged. "I'm gonna be working to pay off my half of the tuition, since Bill insisted on paying for some of it."
"Of course I did! I have more than enough, and what else am I going to use it for?" I huffed. I could technically create anything physical that I wanted, the only reason I even went grocery shopping was to support the companies I liked or when I didn't feel like creating stuff myself. I got lazy sometimes.
"You're gonna be paying off your classes for a really long time. Haven't you been in school for like… Ever?" Keyhole pointed out.
"I've got plenty of places hoping to hire me." Kryptos bragged. "There's even been some talk about a new course opening up that'll need student teachers who are well versed in the subject. I could totally get into that."
"How much does that pay?" PaciFire asked, cleaning off his utensils between the use of them on different dishes because he didn't like mixing flavors from leftover sauce on his spoon.
"A few hundred Credits an hour." Kryptos shrugged. "It's not much, but I get to put it in my resume."
"What sort of career are you hoping to get into?" Hectorgon frowned, "From what I know, a lot of your classes were geared toward the science side of things. Are you going to be an inventor?"
"I design weapons mainly." Kryptos shrugged. "If I sold them, I'd make a lot of Credits as an arms dealer." he hesitated. "But I don't want to do that." and here, he sneered. "Since most of my clientele would be people I don't want getting a hold of the stuff I make."
"...well," I said slowly, "...that's ah, kinda what happens when you make weapons of mass destruction."
"But why can't other kinds of people want to buy them?" Kryptos whined. "Like, I dunno, as a self defense thing?"
"I mean…" I blinked. "If you marketed yourself as a settlement protection-type of thing? Maybe? But seriously, if you make weapons that deal massive damage and can destroy very powerful beings, it's mainly going to be criminals or the government who'd want to buy them."
"Ah tangent." Kryptos complained. I reached over to pat his back. "You can use your skills for more than just weapons, you know?"
Kryptos sighed. "There's still someone I want to kill." I blinked. "Well, I mean… if that's really what you're going for?"
"Speaking of, hey Bill, do you have that auto-pilot thing going for Time yet?" Kryptos asked. I grinned, "Yup! It's working in my own dimension so far. I just need to set it up across the entire multiverse." which I needed more energy for, so I needed to increase my storage capacity first. "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, just… making sure. I mean, it would greatly reassure me if Time didn't fall apart if anything horrible happened to Time Baby." Kryptos said casually.
"Wait…" I said slowly. Kryptos (and a few of the others) stiffened. "Do you think something is gonna happen to Time Baby?" I gasped. Ammy placed his hand on my shoulder-ish area. "Do you really have to keep playing the idiot?"
...damn...
"...You really still want to kill Time Baby?" I stared at Kryptos. He nodded solemnly before he looked over at the rest of my Friends. "There's a thing we were thinking of." he sighed before raising a finger, "Get rid of Time Baby for 1000 years, spend that time taking over the Federation and reworking it by force. Get a new system in place without him stopping you." He explained.
Well, the point was I didn't want to do a hostile takeover. Because then people would fight against me, and I didn't want that. I didn't want to do what brother suggested, turning people to stone and all that. I just… didn't feel like it was right. Ends justifies the means, but there are some things I just didn't feel like doing.
"I don't want to have to fight people." I told them while fiddling with my bowtie.
"You don't have to." Pyronica rolled her eye. She stabbed another piece of meat and began chewing noisily. "Because we'll do the fighting." she said simply. I twitched. "I won't have you guys getting hurt because of me."
"Fuck that." Pyronica crossed her leg. "We're gonna be doing this because we want to. Not because of you."
"But-" I protested. Pyronica poked me. "We can do this on our own without you, if you don't wanna do this."
"This isn't…" I winced. "Look, do you guys even know how to run a government once you take it over? Can't I just have Tina take over and just help her out with the reforms over time?"
"Alternatively, we take down Time Baby secretly, and the other council members if they're corrupt, put the people who aren't absolute shit in charge and then just support them from the shadows." Ammy lifted his food covered cinder block and tilted it this way and that, inspecting it. "Maybe put up fake copies in their place that you control remotely, since you're more than capable of copying another living creature down to their DNA, and use your constructs to continue controlling the Federation to enact changes without revealing yourself and thus starting some sort of rebellion against you, manipulating things until you're satisfied."
Everyone stared at him. If I had a jaw, it would have dropped.
"That…" I mean, I have replaced people before… which was still awful, but I didn't kill the original person, and that made it 'fine' to me. I mean, I guess some people would say that turning a guy into a frog for the rest of his life was the epitome of awful...
...but what if I gave them a choice?
Could go to the council member, give them a choice. Either they leave and let me replace them with a copy, or I kill them? If they agree to it, then I don't have to feel bad about it. I mean, it's not exactly much of a choice, it's incredibly unfair to them. But I can give them options, they get to choose what they want, if they choose to let me replace them...
I mean… I could ask them what it is that they want and dangle that 'want' in front of them in exchange for them willingly leaving their identity behind. I don't even have to threaten them. Threatening was bad, made me the bad guy. But if I was simply enticing them...
"Ammy… that's… brilliant!" I wrapped my son in a hug. "I didn't even think of that!"
"Because you tend to get tunnel vision and remain stuck on something. It's one of the many weaknesses you have." Ammy informed me. I laughed. "Well, good thing I have you then?"
I felt my spirits lifting for maybe the first time in a long while.
And yes, replacing and controlling the government from the shadows was still a 'bad' thing to do.
But you know what? Why should I care?
I'm the villain after all.
