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Jay felt like he was floating.
Everything around him was dark and fuzzy as his mind wandered. He wasn't sure if he was dead or just coming out of anesthesia but if he was being honest, he didn't hate it. In the fluid, warm, floating world, he didn't have anything to worry about. It was like he was in a cocoon of peace, nothing on his mind, nothing to keep him up. He felt like he was three years old, sitting on his mother's lap, without a care in the world.
In an instant, all of it was washed away.
Suddenly, he was in his thirties, and had just been shot.
The warmth was replaced by a searing pain, a pain so deep he'd only felt something like it a few times before.
His chest felt like he was coming back from Afghanistan the second time. Broken, exhausted, full of self-loathing and disappointment and worry. It felt like watching his mom fade away as he stood by, unable to help, unable to get the demons out of his head, unable to think clearly. He was full of regret and shame and exhaustion.
It felt like watching Donny and Gail at Ben's funeral. Two incredible parents who loved their kids were dealt an unfortunate and horrific set of cards. His pain was helpless, lonely, and desperate.
It felt like watching Erin spiral out of control after Nadia. Every self-destructive action she took was like a knife to his heart, and no matter what he did or how much he tried to be there for her, nothing helped.
It felt like watching her leave. The realization that she wasn't coming back was crushing, suffocating and all encompassing. His whole body felt like it was on fire as he laid on the floor of the bathroom they once shared, doing everything he could to cool himself down as he writhed in pain and sadness.
It felt like Piper being taken from his arms in the courtroom. Her heartbroken wails shattered his heart a million times over as he watched her get taken away from the only secure home she'd ever known.
And then, he felt nothing.
Jay was grateful for the respite, the agony finally, finally gone. He was so tired, and he just needed to rest. His entire existence had been marked by pain and anger and loss. He grew up taking the fall for things that weren't his fault, and learned that no matter what, he needed to pay the price. He'd spent years trying to resolve a conflict with no end in sight, the sand and the heat of the Middle East forever seared in his mind. He watched countless atrocities on the job with the police, both by the people he'd sworn to protect and by the people who were supposed to be on his team. He'd seen strife and tension in a never-ending onslaught, and his body craved the nothingness.
But it was that same pain that led him to his girls.
Electricity seemed to flow through his veins as the nothingness was replaced by thoughts of Erin and Piper. His girls. They came to him through trauma and pain and brokenness, much of the same that he'd experienced. They loved him despite all his pain and in spite of his pain. They put him back together in ways he never thought possible, and Jay knew then and there that the nothingness he craved paled in comparison to the love he felt when he was with his girls.
He was tingling, ever so slightly. He knew he was alive but his whole body felt like it was trapped beneath world's heaviest weighted blanket. Even his eyes were too heavy to lift.
Jay could hear Will.
His brother. What a guy. He'd grown from childhood playmate to estranged family member to his best friend. Will had grown up and saved his life through an unrelenting and at times annoying loyalty to his brother. He took it upon himself to make up for all his earlier shortcomings and mistakes, and Jay was so proud of him. He knew that his mom would be proud too.
Will was chastising him for getting shot. Typical. He was telling him about how worried his team was, and that Hank and Hailey were waiting outside, with Erin and Piper. His girls.
Jay struggled to open his eyes, open his lips or move his fingers, but he couldn't. Not just yet. Ugh. He wanted to ask about Piper. She must be so scared, and he needed to tell his brother to assure her that he was going to make a full recovery, and that it wasn't her fault at all.
And then Will was telling him about Erin. She was worried and anxious, and boy, did she love him. If he could have smiled, he would have. For all her hardened exterior and badass attitude, Erin Lindsay could wear her heart on her sleeve, and Will could see right through it. Jay was glad she was there for Piper. Piper needed someone to tell her it was going to be okay, and he knew that his partner was up to the task. She was going to be, and already was, an incredible sister mom.
Will's next statement almost took his breath away. He wanted him to go after Erin? Jay couldn't believe his ears, and he wished he could open his eyes to make sure it was the same Will Halstead who had left drunken voicemails for his ex-girlfriend, informing her just how much she was missing out on. Will wanted him to be happy, and he knew that Erin and Piper made him the happiest he'd ever been. His brother really did care about him.
Jay could hear Hailey. She was apologetic and nervous, and Jay's heart ached. He wanted to tell her that it wasn't her fault, that it could have been any of them. He wanted to thank her for having his back, and for being there whenever he needed it. His internal clock may have been all messed up, but he could tell by her voice that it was late.
He'd lost count in the number of times he'd nearly lost his breath that day, but his partner's advice to tell Erin how he felt did it again. She told him that Piper and Erin were outside, and that they needed him. Hailey told him that she would always have his back, but that she knew Erin was meant to be his partner in life. She told him that she knew some people in private security out in New York, and that if he wanted to follow his girls out there, she'd support him. She told him that he was born to be a dad, and that he and Piper and Erin were destined to be a family.
And finally, he heard Erin.
His girl was crying, he was sure of it. All he wanted to do was to leap out of bed and pull her into his arms, feel the warmth of her cheek against his neck, her soft breath on his chest, but everything was still too heavy.
She loved him, and she missed him. Boy, did he miss her too. It had only been a few hours but those hours felt like years. He didn't want to go another second without telling her just how much he loved her, and that distance and logistics didn't stand a chance against how much he wanted to love her and Piper forever.
Erin was telling him about Piper, and he almost wished she'd brought his little friend in with her, but he knew that seeing him lying in a hospital bed might traumatize her more than she'd already been. She was such a strong tiny human, and Jay was overwhelmed by just how much he loved being her dad.
And then his nickname rolled off his partner's lips. Babe.
It had originally been an accident, back when they started dating for real. Erin had been sleepy and cuddly as they laid on her new couch after a long week and exhausting case. He was tracing circles on her bare shoulders, offering various types of cuisine that might pique her interest. The proposal of a hearty salad for some healthy greens led to an "Anything but salad, babe," escaping from his girl's lips.
It stuck.
He plated up the greasy pizza he resigned to after all attempts at healthy food failed. "Pepperoni, just for you babe."
And that stuck too.
For the first time in over a year, Jay heard babe roll off Erin's tongue. And yes, they'd decided to cool it again for Piper's sake, but the babe told him that she still loved him, and that as much as they'd try, they weren't meant to be apart.
The heaviness grew lighter as his heart soared. He lifted an arm and almost smiled when he heard her draw in a breath.
"Jay? Can you hear me?"
Yes, he could hear her. God, he loved that voice. Her low rasp warmed every inch of his heart, and he never, ever grew tired of it. He felt her shaking fingers in his own. He loved those fingers too.
"Come on back, babe."
There it was again. He could do it.
Jay forced his eyes open, the silhouette of his partner swimming into view amongst the sterile hospital room. Her cheeks were streaked with tears, but those eyes. As much as he tried, Jay could never forget those hazels. His lips quirked upwards slightly. "Babe, huh?"
Erin burst into tears, but this time, Jay knew they were tears of relief. Tears pricked at his eyes as well. He missed her so much.
"I'm alright," Jay mumbled, lifting his arm tentatively as Erin wept, "Not getting rid of me that easily."
"I missed you so much," she choked out, bringing her hands to his scruffy cheeks, "Don't do that to me again, Halstead."
He let out a low chuckle. "I'll do my best, Lindsay."
"I-I should grab Will, let him know you're awake-"
"Gimme a minute," Jay cut her off, raising his arm further, silently asking her to come closer, "Just c'mere a sec." He smiled, "I missed you too."
Erin tentatively leaned forward to rest her head against his non-injured side. "You're not gonna hurt me. They got me on the good stuff," he murmured, turning his head into her hair and lightly tracing his fingers over her back as she leaned more heavily against him. "Glad you're here."
She sniffed. "You scared me. When Hailey called I-I-"
"I'm alright," he insisted, "Doesn't even hurt."
"Your lung almost collapsed," she retorted, "You-you coded, Jay. We could have lost you. I-I don't know what I would have done, I can't do this without you-"
"You don't have to. I'm here." Jay kissed the top of her head, "Not going anywhere." He smiled again when Erin relaxed further at his touch, "What time is it?"
"'s like the middle of the night," she replied, pulling back at the realization. "Hank and Hailey are here, Hailey's with Piper. We um, we're in protective custody til they get the last guy. But they got two of 'em."
Jay nodded. "Piper okay?"
"She's going to be so happy to see you," Erin exhaled, "She um, we both just really missed you." She stroked his cheek gently, "I do need to go tell someone you're awake but I'll be right back, okay?"
He gave another lopsided smile. "You better."
Erin hurried to find Will to let him know that his brother was awake. She pushed open the double doors and stopped short, a small smile forming on her lips. Piper was in Will's arms, asleep on his shoulder as he sat in a visitor's chair, nursing a cup of coffee. Her little sister was clutching his white coat in her small fingers, exhaustion on her features even in sleep. Erin was so glad she was finally resting.
Hailey and Hank were deep in discussion, both holding coffees like it was their lifeline. She caught sight of a cup for her with the perfect amount of milk in it – no doubt that Piper had advised Hailey on just how she took her coffee.
"He's awake," she announced, tears shining in her eyes, "He's awake."
A Halstead grin formed on Will's cheeks. "Told ya nothing would keep him down for long," he said, standing up from his chair gently as to not wake Piper. Erin smiled at just how gentle the other Halstead brother was with her little sister.
"You guys go first," Hailey said quickly, offering a kind smile, "He's going to want to see his family."
Erin's heart clenched, and she managed a watery nod of gratitude before pushing open the double doors again, Will on her heels. "Got some ice cream into this one," Will informed Erin as they walked down the stark hallway, "Figured she hadn't eaten too much with everything going on."
She cleared her throat. "Maybe a few bites of pasta that Platt bought a few hours ago, but yeah, she's been missing him pretty bad. She uh, doesn't like to eat when she's anxious." Erin gently stroked Piper's hair back, "I'm glad she trusts you."
Will smiled sadly. "Caught her and Hailey in the cafeteria. Poor thing got a bit teary when I told her Jay wasn't awake yet, so I offered a Halstead hug. Did the trick."
Erin returned the smile and opened the door to Jay's room after a small knock. "Hope you don't mind that I brought some company," she said as Will entered, Piper still in his arms.
The smile on her partner's lips was priceless. "Hey man."
"Good to see you alive," Will quipped, keeping his voice low, "You gave us all a scare there, bro."
Jay nodded slowly. "Sorry about that. I'll try not to get shot next time."
"All I ask," Will replied, glancing over at his brother's vitals. "Vitals look good. How's the pain?"
"Doesn't hurt," Jay said, shifting backwards to sit up.
"Woah there, careful," his brother chastised, "These beds move so you don't have to do that. Erin, would you do the honors for the patient?"
Jay rolled his eyes as Erin adjusted the bed using the remote. "You've gotta take it easy," Will said, carefully adjusting Piper slightly on his shoulder. The little girl remained asleep, tiny lips parted as she breathed deeply. "That means no sudden movements. You just had surgery, and had a chest tube removed."
He grunted in response, and Erin placed a comforting hand on his knee. "When can I get out of here?"
"Depends, but probably tomorrow if you promise to take it slow." Will glanced down at his watch, "Well actually, probably sometime today, considering that it's almost four in the morning."
Jay nodded and let out a breath. He stroked Erin's fingers gently, eyes trained on the sleeping little girl in his brother's arms. "Did uh, someone call Jenna?"
"Platt did," Erin confirmed, "She'll probably be by later to check up but Hank said he'd make sure Piper can stay with him until you're back on your feet."
He let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Good," he said, "Don't want her to have to go anywhere just because I got shot."
Erin gripped his hand. "Not a chance. She's been fighting sleep just waiting for you to wake up."
"You must be exhausted," Jay said at the realization that it was in fact nearly four in the morning, and Erin was still awake beside him. The dark circles beneath the eyes he loved so much were a dead giveaway that she was practically asleep on her feet. "Maybe Hank could-"
"I'm not leaving," she said with a shake of her head, "We're not. Not til we can take you with us."
He nodded mutely. "Uh, where's Voight or Upton?"
"You don't need to be worrying about the case right now," Will advised, "They're handling it." Erin nodded in agreement.
Jay opened his mouth to protest, but stopped when he saw Piper stir on his brother's shoulder. "Hey munchkin," Will said with a smile, "You wanna say hi to Jay?"
"He's awake?" Piper asked quickly, pulling back from Will's shoulder urgently, "Where is he?"
Will turned so she could see the detective. "Hey Pipes," Jay said thickly, unable to keep the emotion out of his voice, "I'm okay."
Piper stared at Jay, as if unable to believe that he was alive and awake in the hospital bed. In a split second, she burst into tears, just like her sister had done minutes before. "He's okay," Will assured her, lightly stroking the top of her head as she wept, "Jay's going to be just fine."
"C'mere." Jay held his arm out on his non-injured side, "I'm okay, kiddo, promise. Just a little banged up, but I'm going to be fine in no time."
Will gently placed the little girl on the hospital bed beside his brother. She crumbled into his side as Erin stroked her back and Jay brought his lips to her forehead. "He's okay," Erin managed, tears forming in her eyes yet again. Her heart ached at just how much her little sister loved Jay. "He's going to be fine, Noodle."
"I missed you," Piper whimpered, her voice muffled into Jay's chest, "I was worried I wasn't gonna get to see you again."
"I'm not going anywhere," Jay promised, kissing the top of her head again, "You guys aren't getting rid of me anytime soon. I love you far too much."
Piper sniffed. "I love you too," she whispered, tilting her head to look up into Jay's damp baby blues, "I didn't want you to die without me telling you that."
Jay swallowed. He loved her, so much. His heart ached at just how distraught she had been, and how worried she must have been. "I didn't mean to scare you guys," he said honestly, "But I promise, I'm not going anywhere."
Piper let out a breath and held Erin's hand in her own. "Good," she said, "We were really worried."
Erin exchanged a tear-filled glance with her partner. "We were," she confirmed, "But we're all going to be just fine."
When Jay awoke again, his chest ached slightly, but it was overshadowed by the comfort and peace he felt by the little person cuddled into his side, and Erin's hand on his arm. Both his girls were fast asleep in the early morning sun, and Jay was so grateful. He could tell just how tired they both were, and he had been feeling incredibly guilty for all the stress.
"Hey," Hailey knocked softly on the door before entering, Hank behind him, "You're awake."
Jay nodded as he observed his boss and his partner. He knew the looks on both of their faces. "Alive," he replied, "Thanks uh, for getting me here."
She smiled, but Jay saw that it didn't reach her eyes. "I hate to wake her, but uh, thought it would be good to take Piper for some breakfast." She glanced over to her sergeant, who nodded in confirmation, "She'll be safe with me."
He drew in a breath. If they didn't want Piper in the room for whatever news that had, it couldn't be good. Jay ran his fingers over Erin's hand in an attempt to rouse her slowly. She was still exhausted and couldn't have been comfortable in the visitor's chair, but had refused to leave his side. Luckily, his motions had the desired effect, and she opened her eyes quickly, immediately searching for Jay's. "Hank and Hailey are here," he said by way of greeting.
"Hi," Erin managed, dragging a hand across her tired features. "Everything okay?"
Both gave unconvincing nods. "Thought Hailey could take Piper for some breakfast," Hank said as gently as he could, "Just have a few updates for you both."
Erin swallowed but gave a nod. She knew that look. "Hi Noodle," she whispered, gently stroking her sister's back, "Sorry to wake you up, sweetheart, but we need to get some breakfast in you."
Piper's eyes fluttered open and she instinctively tensed up. "It's okay, just me," Jay said quickly, feeling his little friend's heart rate increase at her unknown surroundings, "And Erin, and Sergeant Voight and Hailey."
She glanced up at Jay and let out a small sigh of relief. "You're still alive," she murmured, earning a chuckle from the detective.
"I am," Jay promised, pressing a kiss atop her head, "And I would love for you to get some breakfast though, just to keep you upright for us, right?"
Piper nodded. "You're still gonna be here?"
"Mm-hm," he nodded, "Is it okay if Hailey takes you to the cafeteria? Maybe you could pick up some breakfast for Erin too. I think the nurses will bring something by for me a bit later."
"You're staying with Jay?" Piper turned to her sister, who gave a nod of confirmation. "Do you want coffee too?"
Erin smiled and helped her little sister off the bed. "That would be great, Noodle, thank you. We'll be right here, sound good?"
Piper looked from Sergeant Voight to Detective Upton before giving a brave nod. She took Hailey's outstretched hand. "We'll be back soon," Hailey promised, giving Piper's fingers a reassuring squeeze.
As soon as the door closed behind them, Erin turned to Hank. "What's going on?" she asked, "Is-is Piper at risk?"
Hank shook his head quickly. "Got confirmation this morning she's in police protection til further notice. Until we get Donny." He paused, "We uh, got Piper's birth certificate. The real one, that they hadn't been able to officially track down. After Burgess talked to Jennifer Adler few days back, she remembered that she had a box of things from previous foster placements, and there's a few items of Piper's in there. The birth certificate was among the items."
"Okay," Jay winkled his brow, "Is there a problem with it?"
"Piper's birth certificate listed a Brian Kenneth Anderson as her father," Hank started, "And Bunny as the mother."
"Anderson?" Erin wracked her brain, trying to place the name, "Bunny told Piper our father's name was Charlton. Kenny Charlton. And my birth certificate doesn't have anyone listed as my father."
"Brian Anderson's mother's maiden name is Charlton," Hank said gently, "Middle name is Kenneth. Anderson popped in the system for stints in Joliet and Greenville, which aligns with Bunny's recollection."
"So my father was in prison," Erin said dryly, "Least Bunny wasn't lying about that."
Jay took Erin's hand carefully. "Were you able to find him?"
Hank shook his head. "Flagged the name, known aliases, reached out to his parole officer, but nothing yet. It uh, did give us a lead on Donny. Anderson's got a brother on file, Donald Anderson, who was previously married to Patricia Sulkowski, now deceased, who the owner of the truck Piper identified two months ago."
"Donny's our uncle?" Erin managed, "He's the one who was hurting Piper?"
"Atwater's working on a photo array for Piper," Hank informed them, "His photo from the pods matches up with the records we have for him. Was tough without the last name, but we're putting the pieces together now."
"Jesus Christ," Erin rubbed her forehead, "The other guys – Hailey said they were in custody. They saying anything?"
"Lawyered up," Hank said, "But we've got them on possession with intent to distribute. There were several kilos in the back of that car."
"What about the judge?" Jay asked, "You get the warrant?"
"Ruzek and Burgess are bringing her and the husband in now. We've got the husband on video working with Hoffman, since he's looking for a deal." Hank drew in a breath, "If he folds like I think he will, there's going to be a new judge for Piper's case."
Erin let out a breath. So much was happening.
After over thirty years of not knowing who her father was, she finally had a name. A real name, tied to several very real crimes. She also had an uncle, who was responsible for traumatizing her little sister. "What about Bunny?" she asked, realization hitting, "Bunny said she'd been in contact with our biological father. If Brian or Kenny or whatever the fuck his name is was talking to her, we could use that too, right?"
"Bunny's in the wind," Hank said, as gently as he possibly could. He'd been through this with Erin before, and it honestly broke his heart every time. "We've had patrol dropping by her house, and her bar, but nobody's seen or heard from her."
"She left Piper in that house to die," Erin choked out, emotion rising in her throat, "She was supposed to take care of her and if Jenna hadn't come by-"
"I know kid." Hank put a gentle hand on his daughter's shoulder while Jay held her hand, "But Piper's alright now, and she's strong. And if this dirty judge is off her case, she's got a real good chance at a life with you."
Erin sniffed and gave a nod. Hank was right. Piper was safe now.
"If you bring him in alive, I want to meet him," Erin said firmly, "Donny. I want to look the bastard in the eye."
"We're working on tracking him down." Hank moved his hand from Erin's shoulder to her cheek. "He's made some threats. Ivory Tower got an unmarked package with a note, demanding to meet with you and Piper. We're not going to let that happen," he said, watching as Jay's eyes darkened and Erin's eyes widened, "You and Piper are going to have me, or Upton, at all times, okay? And once Jay's upright, you'll have him too."
Jay nodded in agreement and gave his partner's hand a squeeze. No chance he was letting that bastard near either of his girls.
More to come! And I haven't forgotten about the other story - working on that soon.
