Illusion is Reality

Chapter 134

-Trace the Clues Across the Land-

"Woooo! Camping!" Pyronica cackled as she ran around as soon as we touched down on one of the planets I built for this dimension. Planets were easy to make, it was everything else that took a bit of work. Like the lighting from the distant star. Getting the distance right took a bit of work. (And many burnt out/frozen planets.) You'd think it would be easy, considering how many habitable planets I've been to, but the size and strength of the star affected a lot of factors. Also, atmospheric pressures, the mass of the planet itself, the tilt and rotation or even the speed of rotation all dramatically affected the climate and livability of the planet. It was a lot of guessing and checking. Mainly because I wasn't trying to create a new Earth. Or any of the other planets I knew and have been to. I wanted to make something all my own.

And it took a while before I got everything working right together. And by a while, I mean I had to set up the planet and let it 'set' for a few billion years. Well, I had multiple solar systems with planets and stars to experiment with all at once. And I finally managed to iron out the kinks and create four working solar systems with habitable planets! Well, I say solar system but they were more like four parallel worlds. I made a bunch more, but those four were the most stable.

The planet we were currently on was one that I've named Onmyouji. It was one where I've seeded the beginnings of life many millions of years ago. And specifically, I was hoping to grow intelligent life forms. People. And I think it's sort of working? Well, there were some intelligent animals who were so close to gaining enough intelligence and self awareness to be the dominant life form(s) on a few of the planets I made (not the one we were currently on), but I was still keeping an eye out. It would be fun to see multiple races of beings here. It was odd how most planets I've been to only had two or three dominant species native to it. Subspecies were super common, but for the most part, there weren't all that many animals that evolved into Beings and could share the planet together. Like heck, some would kill off or subjugate the other intelligent race. It was quite distressing. I've watched them do it. But I'm watching the one's here so that if something like that happens, I could tell them to stop and try to get along. Since I got time in this dimension more or less working, I wanted to see what starts forming.

A lot of fish and bugs, for one thing. Plenty of isopods-looking things, both in the oceans and on land. Hard shells and lots of legs. That seemed to be a common body type for development. Well, I've seen mammals evolve in other planets that started out like this, so I was hoping that it would happen here too. Eventually. Probably gonna get some reptilian stuff too. Also a lot of carnivorous plants in the spot we landed in… probably because it was very cloudy in this area so the plants needed to get a lot more nutrients from elsewhere. There was a different climate in other areas.

So I got my friends together for a 'camping trip' to one of my personal owned planets to have some time to relax and hang out without worrying about time progression outside my dimension.

I'm a bit of a workaholic, rather, I wanted to get all the work done and slack off once it was done. But with a long term project like I was going for now, that would have meant no slacking off for a very long time (aside from relaxing over on Seb's side. Which wasn't really relaxing since I was sneakily trying to fix things there as well.)

So a trip out with my friends was… nice.

"Climate, moderate. Warm and wet. Lots of grasses and ferns…" Kryptos kneeled and inspected the ground. "Swampy? Overcast. Are there any predators on this planet?" he asked me. "Eh… do giant bugs count? Or carnivorous plants?" Kryptos gave me a long stare. "Gimme a list." He sighed.

"It shouldn't be a problem?" Teeth scratched the side of his head. "We've got a whole cabin-capsule we can deploy for when we're living here. And it's protected from outside attack."

"Yes, but I'm more worried about things like that." Kryptos pointed off to where 8-Ball and Toobie were froliking in the grass. The ground beneath 8-Ball's feet quivered before large green jaws popped out and enveloped his foot. "Ahhhh!" the ogre screamed, more from being startled than anything else. I waved a hand to float Toobie away from danger as 8-Ball wretched the plant jaws open and flung himself away. The jaws snapped shut and the large greenish blue plant sank back into the ground. Everyone turned to me slowly.

"...I can make a map?" The plants weren't big enough to actually trap any of us, so I hadn't thought it would be an issue. Also, Pyronica specifically told me she wanted a planet with a mild sense of danger. Keyhole nodded. "Map would be good."

"Pssha!" Pyronica waved her hand. "I can take 'em." she stomped on a vine that attempted to reach for her. Ammy floated around, poking at the plants and watching them try to snap at him. "Can't we go somewhere sunnier?" he asked.

"I too, would like somewhere sunnier. Possibly warmer. Less swampy?" Hectorgon looked around. "I worry about slipping into the swamp and getting mummified."

"Bog bodies!" I cheered. Keyhole poked my leg. "No bog bodies."

"Put it to a vote, who wants to go somewhere without bog bodies?" Hectorgon looked around as he raised his hand. Everyone except me, Pyronica and Ammy raised their hands. Hectorgon sighed, rubbing along his top plane. "Bill and Pyronica, I understand. Ammy? I'm almost afraid to ask…"

"I have never seen a bog body." Ammy tilted his block. "I would like to see one."

"...please no?" Kryptos groaned. "We're having a camping trip. Not an excavation."

Ammy turned to me. "Can we go on an excavation trip after we're done camping?"

"...you really want to find bog bodies?" I was a little creeped out by them personally. But I wasn't about to shoot down Ammy's interest in a subject. He nodded. I hummed as I thought about it. My eye flickered as I looked for a good place to have an excavation. "Well, there is a planet in Dimension Yis that's got a lot of swampland. And with the war that ended 'bout sixty years ago, with that battalion that marched through a swamp and lost a fourth of their numbers…"

"...vote on who wants to go dig out bog bodies after camping?" Ammy asked while raising one of his tendrils in the air. Most of the others made disgusted faces. Pyronica gagged. "Ugh no, long dead corpses? Eww… I bet they taste gross."

"It's fine. It'll just be me and Ammy, a bit of mother/son bonding time." I chuckled. "Though I'm saying this upfront, I refuse to touch any of that stuff. And you're going to be wearing a full hazmat suit while you dig." Ammy nodded obediently. "And also, you shouldn't put any of the corpses in your blocks. It's unsanitary." Ammy looked a little disappointed. "I'm serious. You have no idea how many germs are in those things." I shuddered. Dead and undead things were just so… gross. All bacterial breakdown and rot and… slimy flesh goop from the cells dying and breaking apart and I know bog bodies were sort of preserved and shit, but they were still gross.

"I have never been ill." Ammy pointed out. "And I'm not risking it." I placed my hands on his sides. "It's not just the unsanitary nature of placing long dead bodies inside yourself. A lot of bog bodies are cursed."

Fuck my life, that only seemed to pique his interest more.

"...just a tiny piece of dead bog body?" Ammy made an effort to attempt a whine. It wasn't successful and he sounded like he was burping out a hum. "No." I twitched. "Really don't want to deal with that."

"...alright." Ammy finally conceded, making all of us sigh in relief. I worry about this boy often. I know I'm curious about stuff, but I have limits. Mainly in what I find too gross to mess with. Uggggh the way rotting flesh goes 'squish' is so gross.

"Anyway, camping, finding a better location?" Keyhole clapped, bringing our attention back to the original subject.

"Ok, I'm just gonna fly us around, tell me where you want to land." I waved my hand to levitate us all into the air to head off. The swamplands flew past us, literally, since my method of moving right now was more fast forwarding time and the rotation of the planet while we stayed fixed in place. I was testing out my control over progressive time in this dimension. And so far it looked like it was working.

"Ooh how about there?" Keyhole pointed at a dryer looking forest and grassland area. There was a mountain nearby. But what really made Keyhole, and Xanthar, interested in the place was the flower field. I made sure they were non-toxic to my friends before I agreed, floating us back down. "Oh, and watch out for the buzzers."

"Buzz- are there bees?" Keyhole gasped. Well, if there were flowers, there were going to be pollinators. But in this case...

"Naw, not bees." I said simply as we landed and were now close enough to the flowers to hear little buzzing sounds. An insect flew by, looking much like a very tiny megaphone with wings and legs. "Buzzers."

"Ahhhh they're so cuuuute!" 8-Ball squealed and knelt down to watch one of them land on a flower and vibrate with tiny little sound waves. "Bzzzzzz!" the Buzzer shuffled around on the flower.

"They don't have stingers and are mostly harmless. But the buzzing sound can be deadly if you're too near their hive." I explained. The shape of their hives works like an amphitheater, ramping up the volume and intensity of their buzzing until it could be considered a sonic weapon. It was a good deterrent for predators who feel really uncomfortable with the itchy vibrations that come with going near the hive. Also, some smaller ones would literally die from the sonic attacks.

"Hehehehe…" 8-Ball held out his finger to gently coax one of the Buzzers into his hand. "That tickles…" Toobie leaned over to squeak at the insect. It buzzed at him, making the jelly-like alien shiver. I could see the jiggling of his body get stronger. "Wha wha ba?" Toobie asked. "Oh, you like that?" 8-Ball cooed. Toobie bounced and squealed. "I guess Toobie likes the feeling of sound waves. Remind me to set up some music with a lot of bass beats when we get home."

I left 8-Ball and Toobie to play with the insects as I threw down the campsite capsule. It was just a little cube with a pull string. I found a nice spot and pulled the string before tossing the cube and watching it 'inflate' out into a simple campsite. A fire pit with stones and grating above it for putting pots or pans for cooking, sturdy wooden benches around the fire pit, a large fully furnished cabin that was larger on the inside for us all to sleep at night. There was even a toilet stall for them. The cabin had a bathing area inside, as well as more comforts. The outside had a few hammocks for people who wanted to sleep outside. I personally didn't like sleeping outside on account of bugs. But I guess the barrier against anything getting within twenty feet of the camp should make it 'safe'.

"Ok, what can we hunt for food in this place?" Pyronica asked while gingerly walking around, watching the grass singe beneath her feet. "Eh… there's fish and bugs. I guess there's some other kinds of stuff that aren't fish or bugs, but aren't really another thing either." I was very interested in those furry scuttling things that went both in and out of water. Fur, but not mammals. They breathed through their skin, in both water and on land, but not amphibian since they didn't need to be moist. And they laid eggs. Leathery and elongated, adhering to objects that surround them for protection. And there were many different species of this branch on the evolution tree. Some of them could fly, skin flaps between their legs that let them glide like a kite just as well as they swam through the water. Some were more aquatic, preferring to stay in the very large ocean. But despite all the differences, they were part of the same branch in terms of genetic evolution. I should come up with a name for this new class of animal.

...Soup.

Wait no, Soupe. Yeah! Soupe.

I named a new class of life! Yaaaay!

Hectorgon tugged lightly on my leg. "Bill?" I blinked. "I like the flying soupes best."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but ok."

"Things Pyronica can hunt for food. Soupes." I responded.

"So we're having soup for lunch?" Keyhole asked.

"I thought Soup was a clothing store?" PaciFire was very confused.

"No, it's Soupe! It's a class of animal here that isn't fish or bugs!"

"""Ohhhhh.""" Everyone nodded before Ammy raised his hand, "Are there potatoes here?"

"Sadly, there are no potatoes yet." ("Yes!" Pyronica cheered.) I gave her a level stare. "Anyway, the fish are yummy. The bugs are crunchy. And the Soupes are…. Probably delicious? I haven't tried eating them yet."

"Well no time like the present! Where do I find one?" Pyronica cackled.

I turned to everyone, watching Xanthar shuffle carefully around the flowers, "Who's coming hunting, and who's staying here?"

Pyronica was coming on the hunt of course. Hectorgon was staying behind to watch 'the kids'. Xanthar didn't want to hunt, so he was staying behind with 8-Ball, Toobie and Keyhole. Ammy and Kryptos, to my surprise, wanted to come along, while Teeth and PaciFire were staying behind to gather some firewood for the campsite, and other supplies.

"Are you sure you want to come hunting? I know I've been trying to train you all, but we haven't covered all that much combat yet." I was rather worried about the glass-cannons in the group. Kryptos huffed. "I can hold my own." I turned to Ammy. "I want to see the life drain from the eyes of my victims as I take them down in direct, personal combat."

...okay.

"Alright, we can find some small soupes to hunt. Or the meatier bugs."

"""Yaaay!"""

"AHAHAHAHAHAHHA!" Pyronica cackled as she completely disregarded any notion of stealth while she rampaged through the picturesque landscape. The forests blazed behind her as she went. Luckily, it was the type of fires that were much like the controlled fires used for clearing underbrush. I could remember back when she didn't have such precision control of her fire. Man, that felt like a long time ago. Kryptos and I watched her go, cackling away. "So… I guess we don't even have to do anything?" the compass sighed with a rueful expression.

"Well, there's a nest of pudding moths a bit down that way." I pointed. "So if you wanted to try out some target practice?" he brightened up at that. "Sweet!" he ran off in the direction indicated.

"Only kill the ones you're planning to eat!" I called after him. I wasn't going to allow killing for fun. If you killed it, you ate it. Unless it was attacking you first, in which case you can kill in self defense. There were more exceptions, but since there were only animals on the planet, I didn't think those would apply right now.

"Mother, are these pre-cooked?" Ammy was picking up a charred almost-deer-like soupe. If deer had fingers. And webbed skin between their legs. "I'd rather clean, skin and cook it properly before we all ate them, but I suppose they've been at least charred a little on the outside. Should make them more crispy."

There was a crack of thunder and a white flash of lightning off in the distance. I hope he doesn't overdo it. Ammy picked up the bodies Pyronica was leaving behind and stored them in his blocks. "I'm a little disappointed that I did not get a chance to make my own hunt."

I patted his block. "It's fine. You'll still get to dig up bog bodies with me after the camping trip."

"I suppose getting a corpse would be almost like getting my own kill."

"That's the spirit!"

I flew ahead to shout to Pyronica. "I think that's enough by now. Don't depopulate the area too much." She paused, straightened up and brushed her hair back. "Alright. Back to camp with our spoils then?"

"Just don't eat everything before I finish preparing the food." I grumbled. "And that includes me checking if this stuff is safe for you all to eat. Which they are, for the most part. I just need to cook them at a high enough temperature to break down their cells and denature the venom." I shrugged, even as Pyronica took hold of my foot and walked back to where Ammy was, pulling me along with her like a balloon. "I mean, it's hard enough keeping track of illness and bacteria that could be deadly in between various planets." I frowned. "Which is half the reason why the Federation sends down the Sterilization pods to gas the whole planet whenever they finish conquering it."

"Yeah, yeah. Because the spread of illness is a problem." Pyronica rolled her eye.

"It is. But there are better ways of handling the safety of planetary travel without killing off pretty much all bacteria on a planet. They make people sick, yes. But they're also a necessary and important part of the ecosystem OF that planet!" I ranted. Ammy waved when we got back to them. Then they set off to follow the cracking sounds of displaced air due to sudden high heat to find Kryptos.

"-that's half the reason so many Federation conquered planets end up unable to support natural life. Like, the few bacteria that survive the purge are doing their best, but some planets are almost entirely mechanical by this point- And it's why they need my Farm planets to sustain everyone else." I continued angrily. "And it's so stupid! I'm going to have to fix ALL of that if I want to free entire dimensions from the strict control of the Federation!" I shook my tiny fist in the air while Pyronica walked languidly through the simmering embers around us. "Do you have ANY idea how many species of bacteria I'm going to have to recreate? All those microbes and tiny little bugs and fungus and- fuck, I don't even know if that's going to be SAFE to do! The native populations don't have the built up immunities to them anymore, they're all gonna get sick and-"

They let me rant, even as we got back to Kryptos, who was gathering up the round jiggly looking winged insects.

"-but introducing new ones aren't going to work either. I'm going to have to test and check every single bacteria species against every single other species to find ones that are compatible and that's on top of figuring out how the hell I'm supposed to kill off viruses! That's an entirely different problem altogether!"

"Bill's on another rant?" Kryptos asked as we came up to him. "Yup. Something about bacteria or something." Pyronica knelt down to help Kryptos pile the moths into Ammy's blocks. "Well, I've read that people used to get sick from uncontrolled microbial growth. Nowadays, they grow the beneficial ones and you can have them injected into you for a variety of reasons." Kryptos shrugged.

"-luckily even the purges can't kill off ALL bacteria and shit. Like, immunization shots would have worked better, or they could have just not gone around expanding their empire so much or so quickly-"

"He's really on a roll today." Kryptos sighed with a smile as we all walked back to camp. "Wanna bet he's too worked up to cook?"

"-like dude, they were living just fine until you all came in, imposing your own ideas of what's better for them and stamping down their way-"

"Hm… 10 credits he'll rant and cook at the same time." Pyronica shot back. Kryptos hummed. "Good point, well, 15 credits he'll rant, cook and EAT at the same time."

"-I can't believe I'm the one who knows how their people used to live way back when. No one's gonna actually ask me about it! I mean, I could make a public library, separate from the Maze of Knowledge. Actually not a bad idea, now that I think about it…"

"200 credits that mother would actually finish his rant and ask us to help him with something he just thinks of." Ammy squinted his eyes into a grin. Pyronica gasped. "200? Really?"

Ammy continued smirking as he waved his tendril. I blinked down at them. "Hey guys, which sort of information should I compile into books and data downloads when I build some new libraries?"

Kryptos and Pyronica wordlessly pulled out their Coms and tapped them to Ammy's with a cha-ching sound. Ammy caressed the Com. "I'm going to purchase so many shoy sauce packets with this."

"I don't even want to know what you're planning with them." Kryptos deadpanned. Then he turned to me, "History is always good. Especially if you can compile them from multiple points of view."

"Heeeey guys!" Teeth called when he noticed me. He always noticed me faster than anyone else. I waved back. "Guys! What's your opinion on a public library of knowledge? And the Maze would just be modified into the juicy stuff?"

"Ask your producers, and the people helping you film and run the thing." was PaciFire's input. "Though, no offence, but I think the viewership for that show's been going down over the years. I guess it's because you haven't really changed it up in years and years."

"...yeah, kinda forgot about it, to be honest." I rubbed my side sheepishly. "Well, I don't really need the money from royalties there, so maybe I could get away with changing up the show drastically as some sort of rekindling of interest. And if it fails, it's no coating off my bricks." I shrugged.

"Try turning it into a more obstacle style place, I mean, it already is but like just change it out so that it's not just the flooding, like maybe add some wild animals inside that they have to fight or maybe just set parts of it on fire- I mean careful with the books and all but, you know that kind of stuff." Keyhole rattled off.

"The flooding does get rather repetitious." Hectorgon nodded. "Change out the whole layout, make it more dynamic. Play with the formatting." All good points to consider. "Have fun with it." Hectorgon told me seriously. "You've got enough work to do. Don't make this yet another thing that's just 'work'."

"Yeah! If its not fun, why do it?" Pyronica strode over and plopped herself down on the bench. "All that 'responsibility' thing you've been so obsessed with isn't good for you."

"Work needs to be done. And if I don't do it, no one would."

"Like I said, screw that. You're not meant to put that much work on yourself." Pyronica sounded nonchalant, but I could see the tension in her shoulders. "That's why we're here. So you can relax. Because you need it."

"...Ronica…"

"I don't want you stressing out so bad you explode and leave us."

I winced. "I'm sorry."

"I know." she sighed. "And if you're really sorry, don't do that to us, to me, again."

"...I'll try…" Keyhole came over to pat my side. As per usual, he (and everyone else) made sure I knew they were coming over, and that I could see that they were going to touch me before doing so. "Bill, don't stress out over trying too hard. We just worry sometimes. If we had some way to contact you when you're not with us, it would really help."

"You all know how to summon me." I flicked my bowtie.

"That doesn't really work when you're over at Sebastian's place." Hectorgon pointed out. "And even texting you on your Com or the interdimensional chatroom isn't fully reliable in terms of time dilation."

"...I could… leave a piece of myself here-"

"Don't tear yourself apart just for our sake." Kryptos shot down.

"Then what do you want me to do?" I swung my little legs from where I was sitting on one of the benches.

"The problem is that we don't know." PaciFire sighed. "We can keep in contact with each other more or less fine, and we're not in as much danger as you. But you're… always running off without us. And we get that. You like being free to go as you like. And you give us the same freedom to come and go as we want." He sat beside me. "Truthfully, wanting to always keep tabs on you is restrictive…"

"I don't mind. I mean," I flicked my bowtie again. "I've got my mark on all of you so I'd be able to keep tabs on you."

"Yeah, we know." Teeth shrugged. "But it doesn't do anything to stop us from doing whatever or going anywhere, so it's not an issue."

"You're the All Seeing Eye after all. It's just what you do. It's part of who you are." Keyhole shrugged. "But like… can't you make it so we can contact you through our marks or something?"

"I've… never tried that." I frowned. "I guess… try it out?" I wiggled my fingers, seeing if I could make it so the connection worked both ways. Keyhole scrunched his face and blew out his cheeks. "...you don't have to do that?" I told him, when his face started turning brown. Keyhole gasped for air and flopped over. "How do psychic connections and stuff work?!"

"Well, it's mostly about intent and…" I trailed off when I felt something. 'Questioning' 'Eager anticipation' 'Seeking affirmation' I turned to face Xanthar. "Oh. Well, it works right now. Dunno if it'll work when I'm visiting Seb though."

"Of course Xanthar gets it first." Teeth laughed fondly. He gave Keyhole a slap on the back. "No problems 'lil dude. Take it easy. Try too hard and you'll shit rocks." (I snorted.)

"Wait, can that really happen?" 8-Ball scratched his head. Pyronica was letting out a loud groan as she slumped over her bench. Keyhole chuckled. "I'm more likely to pop out a key than shit rocks."

"I could shit a rock if I tried." Ammy pulled out the stuff that we hunted today. And then he overturned another one of his blocks and a cinder block fell out with a 'thunk' onto the ground.

"...that's not shitting." 8-Ball frowned. "I ran this through my stomach block. This counts, yes?"

"So you can't digest concrete?" Kryptos inspected the cinderblock. "Cause all the food you slathered onto this is gone."

"I didn't want to digest the cinder block. What if I needed it in the future?"

"I can't believe Ammy can shit rocks." 8-Ball sounded much too amazed at this revelation. "Wish I could shit rocks. That would be awesome."

"I'm very sure that actually shitting a rock would be more painful than awesome." Keyhole deadpanned. Teeth was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe, toppled over on his back. "Wait, Bill, can you shit rocks?"

"I haven't tried." my expression twitched with how hard it was to not laugh. "If we have to get technical, I shit energy and atomic space dust."

"Which can be turned into rocks!" 8-Ball gasped. I snorted again, shaking.

"Show of hands! Who here wants to shit rocks?" Teeth cackled. "Please don't. It would be much too painful for most of us to pass a stone of any sort through our systems." Kryptos buried his face in his hands.

"What about gold? Can we shit gold?" 8-Ball asked. Teeth was laughing uncontrollably again. I hummed as I rubbed my chin-ish area. "I've had some clients ask to be made to shit precious metals."

"And the drawbacks?" Kryptos asked wryly.

"Constipation. Ungodly constipation."

"What would you even need to eat to shit rocks or gold or other metals?" dear lord Kryptos almost sounded interested in the theoretical aspect of this subject now. "Like, would they need to consume other forms of metal like iron or would the resulting Deal rearrange the atomic structure of the normal waste by products?"

"The latter." I said honestly. "With the energy costs and gains drained from both the host and my own power from the Deal enveloping them. Otherwise they'd die from the amount of power needed to alchemize their intestines." With the leftover stuff being processed into other elements that were safe to exist within said intestines. "And a lot of them summoned me back to beg to call off the Deal due to the uncomfortably difficult bathroom breaks they need to actually get a solid gold bar extruded from their anus."

I paused. "Well, it's much easier on them if they set the size and shape of the gold pellets."

"This is all disgusting." Pyronica complained.

"Hey, I make sure their intestines and whatever comes out of them is sterilized." I huffed.

"So you kill bacteria too?" Ammy tilted his head. "Of course I do! I clean all the time. But sanitizing the house and people's buttholes isn't the same as tossing down a gas bomb of anti-microbe mixtures to permeate the entire atmosphere, soil and ocean." I waved off. "I leave the stuff in my garden alone after all." and the ones inside their stomachs to help them digest food. Heck, it's how I managed to get Pyronica and the t-twins- to eat veggies. I slowly introduced the bacteria that could break down plant cell walls into their diet over time. It helped with building up my friends' immunities as well. I wonder if I should have asked them first? But bacterial integration with their intestines is pretty normal and natural. They had their own gut bacteria to begin with. I simply introduced more, better ones gradually by having them exist nearby in the food.

Like cheese! I love cheese! And my friends enjoyed it too. Yum… cheese...

"Bill, focus. Forget the gold poop or whatever for now. How are we cooking these?" Kryptos held up one of the moths.

"Well first we gotta get the limbs off. That'll make it easier to wash…" I walked them through the process. "Unfortunately you can't eat the wings. The legs can be fried though. They're crunchy!" I giggled.

I showed them how to make a marinade for the meatier part of the moth. "Just leave it to soak for a while, really let those flavors soak in." I patted the large bowl we were mixing the marinade in. Damn I love marinating meat. "Bit of salt, sugar, snarlic, shoyo sauce, snorn flour…" I paused and held up some bottles. "Do you guys want the pineapple vinegar or the rashberry vinegar? Or maybe something less sweet?"

"MORE sugar!" Keyhole cheered as he ran around the cooking station. "Hm… I have some eckee fruit vinegar as well. Gonna need to cook it thoroughly though."

"You really like marinating meat." PaciFire helped me shake the spices and everything into the bowl as I cut up the cleaned meat into strips. "Well, yes. It's a great way to imbue the meat with flavoring and you can even leave it to sit overnight in the fridge without issue. The vinegar and sugar help to preserve it somewhat, and if you add some honey in there it'll make the meat more tender…"

"Honey~" Keyhole gushed. "Are we gonna try buzzer honey?"

"Well, we'd have to gather it first."

"Didn't you say that was dangerous?" Hectorgon frowned, lighting the fire in the pit while we worked. Pyronica was staring at the meat, tapping her fingers against her arm.

"Only if you're sensitive to vibrations. Sound is a form of energy after all, so sonic waves can damage you if they're loud and low." It was why I couldn't handle heavy bass music as a human. It made me nauseous. Not that people ever cared, because they always blasted it everywhere. Heck, I had a nosebleed during prom because of the damn thing but they're not gonna turn it down because one person was complaining. Anyway, I don't really like it. Mild bass is fine. I had mild bass during my concerts, and they'd be pointed away from me. Still felt them, but it's less intense. And my vessels were better able to handle it than my original human body anyway.

"Yeah, I'd like to not have my eardrums blasted out, thanks." Pyronica slumped over on her bench, having done no cooking prep work. Which was fine, She hunted for most of this, which was contributing enough.

"Fair enough." I shrugged. "Well, marinating the meat should take a while, so we can leave it here for now. Who wants to put on a full body auditory shield and come raid a buzzer hive for some honey?"

Ammy and Kryptos had their hands up first. "If we'll be safe from getting exploded, then I would like to get up close to study them." Kryptos tugged on his gloves. "I want to capture their queen, if there is one." I could see where he was coming from. That idea sounded fun to me, in the whole 'getting a pet and being able to study and observe it' type of thing. But at the same time, I've learned a lot from my time with my human family. "I'm sorry Ammy, but that would be very mean to the rest of their hive. The queen is their mother after all. It'd be like someone kidnapping me. And how would you feel if that happened?" He blinked. "I know you'll come back. You can atomize your kidnappers and return home."

"And what if I can't?" I asked, everyone else quieted, a somber expression on their faces as they realized I wasn't only asking Ammy this. "What if someone managed to find a way to bind me in a way that I can't break out from? And then they took me away and you never saw me again? How would that feel?"

Ammy thought about it. Long and hard. "I wouldn't like that." he finally concluded. I sent a look over at everyone else. Kryptos had his fists clenched. Hectorgon looked a little pale. Keyhole was tapping his fingers together, shuffling around, as if he couldn't stand keeping still. 8-Ball was breathing shallowly, holding Toobie close to himself. Pyronica was looking away so I couldn't see her expression. PaciFire was holding his expression very still. Teeth's grin was missing. And Xanthar...

WHOOMP!

...tackled me into the ground, lying on top of me like he was afraid I would disappear if he didn't envelop me in his bread-fur. "Mmmph!" I waved my arms and legs, but the soft floof would not be stopped. I slumped and just let it happen. Xanthar was shivering. I pet his belly the best I could from where I was. "It's ok, I'm fine, I'm right here."

Xanthar made a motion that I could feel seemed to be shaking his head. "I'm more careful now." I tried again. "Besides, you'll all come and break me out if I did get captured, right?"

"...what if we don't know where you are? What if we don't know who took you?" PaciFire said slowly.

I sighed, closing my eye and curling my fingers into Xanthar's fur. "I…" I sighed again. "Look, I'll be fine."

"And what if you're not? Dammit Bill, you always worry about our safety and you need to start worrying about yourself." Keyhole cried. "It's not fair to us!"

"Guys…" I couldn't see them, being smushed beneath Xanthar right now and all, but I could See their distressed looks.

"Promise us you'll care about your own safety!" Keyhole demanded, his voice louder now as he knelt beside where Xanthar was lying. "I'll make a Deal if I have to!"

Fuck. "You don't have to. I… I'm still working on learning self preservation…" I really didn't want to make another Deal with my friends. I didn't want to mess with my head again by accident. Oh right. There was that arm bracer Brother made me that would have a pop up notification to 'Be happy' but I kept forgetting to recreate and wear it. Mainly because the constant reminder to be happy started getting on my nerves. "I… don't like myself very much. And sometimes I can't help but wonder why any of you do." I shuffled against Xanthar, sliding out partially from under him. I would have been more upset about touching the grass and dirt if I hadn't placed a quick Curse to put a thin layer between me and the ground.

I slid out from beneath Xanthar, only sticking my face out while the rest of me stayed under. "And no, I'm not saying that because I want you to explain why you like me, that's not the-"

"You're my family." Keyhole shook, glaring at me. "I don't want to lose you too."

Pyronica came over to kneel beside Xanthar too. "I know this is partially our fault, for not being worried about you for so long. We knew you couldn't die, and we got to just expecting you to make it out of every situation fine." She placed a hand on Keyhole's shoulder. "We hadn't realized how badly you've been hurting. And now that we do, we want to help. We don't want to lose you. Not to the world and not to yourself either."

"I…" I only realized now that my hands were clasped together, wringing and shaking. "I'm trying."

"We know. We're just worried. Is there some way you can make it so we can actually contact you? No matter where or when you are?" Keyhole took my hand.

"...you know that death can come at any time, and the only way for me to be 100% safe is to be held somewhere and not allowed to go anywhere or do anything?" I deflected.

"That's not the point Bill!" Keyhole shook his head. "The point is that you don't care about your own safety, so I- we want a way to be able to contact you. So we'd be able to know if anything happened, or talk to you when you… need someone there."

"I'm not that fragile." I huffed as I folded my arms. Xanthar shifted and wrapped his arms around me.

"But you do get sad really easily." Keyhole huffed. "And you're always trying to cheer us up when we have problems or when we're upset. So why can't you just… let us do the same for you?!"

"Because I don't think I deserve to be happy! Okay?!" I shouted back. "I've realized now how many terrible things I've done to you all, and to every other person in the damn universe, and I feel terrible about it!" thinking it through recently has me feeling bad about it all. Like when I lost my temper at my friends sometimes. And especially the punishments I gave them.

"Well if you do, then just stop doing that thing that you don't approve of yourself doing. And frankly, I feel like most of the people you mess with had it coming." Kryptos muttered. "And yeah, the forced shapeshifting is annoying, but you always change us back. And it doesn't hurt us or anything." he rolled his eye. "I mean, things could be much worse."

Keyhole coughed, "Coughmaidoutfitcough"

Kryptos flushed black. "Ok fine, that's super annoying." he shrugged. "But I got over my embarrassment over that kinda thing a while ago." I blinked. "So… you do like it?"

"I like the attention I get from you." Kryptos clarified, looking a little embarrassed to admit, but sharing this with me anyway. "It's not a big deal. I don't mind it anymore, so you shouldn't feel bad about it..."

"But-"

"Nope. As the 'victim' in this case, I'm forgiving you and not holding it against you. So you shouldn't either."

"But-"

Kryptos rolled his eyes. "What would need to happen to have you feel better and no longer blame yourself for this? Would letting me dress you up in outfits every now and then make you feel better?"

"...maybe?" I perked up at that.

"But if it's something you absolutely don't want to wear, let us know. And also, we'll all get to decide if it's appropriate or not." Pyronica said quickly, giving Kryptos a narrow eyed stare. The compass shrugged. "I'm fine with that."

"As am I." I nodded. "And the rest of you too. If there's something you want to do with me…"

"Let's not go into that." Hectorgon said quickly. "It's not about doing to you everything you've done to us. That's not what we're after. But asking before anything is done to us will certainly help in the future. And to you as well. We will work on that. It's not an immediate thing. It takes a while for anyone to change." He hopped over. "I know it sounds like we're repeating ourselves a lot, but that's how it goes." He patted my side. "It took me many years to learn to be a father. Many years more to learn to move on. And even more after that to learn to be a father again."

I blinked at him. "You had another kid?!" When the fuck did that happen?!

Hectorgon lowered his face into his hand. "...that's not what I'm…" I could hear Pyronica snickering in the back. "It's not important." he assured me, patting my side again. I didn't really get it, but… he seemed happy enough about it?

"What I'm saying is, this will take time. And I don't mean those years you spend alone exploring, working, thinking to yourself and feeling miserable because of it..." he sounded annoyed now. "I mean consistent time together with us. Or your human family, since they seem to be helping with this too."

"But… if I spend all my time with you, more time will pass with you." I twiddled my fingers. I wanted to savor my time together with my humans, with my friends. Like treats where I go to see them for a few weeks, go off on my own to get work done, without my work-time getting into the precious time I should be spending with them. "It's- I have to be alone sometimes, because it helps me appreciate your company more-"

"It's not good for you. The intermittent isolation isn't good for you." Hectorgon sighed. "Look, it's fine even if it's not with one of us. As long as you're with someone. You need other people around. You can't keep isolating yourself just because you feel you have to."

"I… guess… I could… hang out with dad…" since brother's locked me out, or his AXOLOTL did. Didn't matter which, same result either way.

Hectorgon twitched. "Maybe don't spend all that time with your… father. Don't you have your sister? Who's a good person and all?"

"Jessie? Well, it has been a while since I've hung out with her…" and she's immortal, she wouldn't age and die if I spent too long around her like Zach and Zoe. "That… actually sounds like a good idea. Thanks."

Hectorgon relaxed a little. "Alright. Good." They all looked relieved.

"...so can we eat yet?" Ammy waved a hand. Right, honey. "Ah, yeah. Let's go get some honey…"

"Stay safe. All of you." Hectorgon called out. I waved and gave them all a smile. "Alright. We will. And I will too."

With sonic-proof barriers, it wasn't difficult to gather the honey. I was even very careful not to take too much or disturb the buzzers. Kryptos got covered in honey, which was funny. I had to stop Ammy from stealing any bees. We returned to camp with several bottles and I had to watch the scene before me.

"-o we have to wait for Bill to finish cooking it first!" 8-Ball whined, holding onto Pyronica's leg. "We've got other snacks- just- wait for him-" PaciFire had his arms wrapped around her waist. Even Xanthar was holding one of her arms back as she struggled against them all, reaching for the pot.

"I wanna eat it noooooow~" the cyclopian whined.

"We're back~!" I called out, grinning as everyone slumped in relief. Since Pyronica was drooling everywhere, I quickly got food preparations done. The smell of roasting meat soon filled the air as I cooked, giving the first piece to Pyronica of course.

Roasted meat for Pyronica, Teeth, me, 8-Ball, PaciFire and Hectorgon.

Cut up the meat into smaller pieces for Keyhole, Ammy and Toobie.

Grind it up and make a soup for Kryptos and Xanthar.

We laid out the picnic blanket and dug in.

It was a pretty non-exciting day, but I found myself relaxing. Even my powers seemed to have settled, not buzzing as much as usual. I mean, I used them for making shields and stuff, so maybe that was enough?

We spent the next week exploring the countryside, eating the things we found along the way, and just hanging out. I got to go swimming in the ocean too.

"AUUUGHHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OOOOOFFFF!" 8-Ball screamed as one of the larger oceanic-insects latched onto him. It hissed, baring its pincers and rearing back to strike before Kryptos shot it with a small bolt of lightning. 8-Ball rushed out of the water as the fried bug landed back in the water. "The ocean's scary!" he wailed.

"Then get over here and build sand minions with us!" Keyhole called out to him. Kryptos was complaining about the sand getting in his gloves. I splashed my way back to shore. The bugs couldn't get near me. Because they were icky and I didn't want them touching me. I laid down in the sand, listening to them run around me. Xanthar kicked out some sand behind him and burrowed into the ground. I could see some sifting beetles climbing up along his back, cleaning edible debris out of his fur. Keyhole's sand minion looked almost like a snowman. But made of sand.

"Hey Bill, do you wanna build a sand minion too?" Keyhole came over to nudge me.

"Sure." I pushed myself up. Minion… what sort of minion should I make?

I piled the sand on, working absently as I thought about what was considered a good minion. Well, I admit, the word minion only made me think of...

"Is that a bean?" Keyhole tilted his head and frowned. I turned orange. "I don't really know what it is…" I mean, I got the goggles and the overalls shaped out. And then Xanthar shook himself off, spray sand everywhere and I jerked back instinctively. I felt a tiny dip in my energy, just the smallest spark that slipped from my control.

And the 'minion' shuddered, absorbing the Weirdness.

And then the sand crumpled off and a bright yellow bean blinked up at me from behind it's goggles. I stared at it. It stared back. Everyone else stopped to stare as well.

"...Bill… did you just… bring your sand minion to life?" Pyronica groaned.

I was cursing out my powers. Those assholes weren't calm at all! They were just waiting for me to slip. Well, easily fixed. I just had to take the Weirdness out of the minion and it'll turn back into lifeless sand...

The bean blinked up at me. "Bello?" it squeaked.

I paused. The bean gave me an imploring look. "Nunu whaaat yikai owlden tos ka kef levo, creator?"

I twitched. "I…"

It reached out for me, stubby little arms waving around as it continued to stare at me.

"Topa me mi owlden!"

"Bill? What did you just make?" Keyhole backed off a little.

"Um…" I didn't know how to react to this. I mean, the minion didn't have a Soul… or even a real Mind. But it was talking, asking questions. Well, one way or another, it wanted a response from me.

"Erm, you're a minion. So… ah… I guess… you do minion things?" I said, truly a master of words.

But despite how unhelpful that answer was, that seemed to click with something for the newborn creature. "Oh! Ka illzzz!" It nodded with a delighted clapping of it's hands.

And before any of us could react, it turned and dove into the ocean, swimming away.

We all stared at the shrinking silhouette in the distance. Eventually, we could no longer see them at all.

Ammy turned to me. "So, does that mean I have a little sibling now?"

Equally bland, I responded. "No. And we are never to speak of this again."

And so we didn't.

I didn't play with the sand for the rest of the day.