In The Company Of A Man
She'd been gone for a year and a half. Such a faint bit of time in the grand scheme of things, but if he didn't know better, he'd thought she'd been gone for a decade, the way the man lugged himself around in such bitterness and defeat. How pathetic was he? His already pale skin had turned gray over the last year and it stretched over the bones in his face, making him even more terrifying than he'd already been. No wonder his students steered clear... He looked like a bloody reaper of souls.
"What the hell are you staring at?"
Oh, well that wasn't very nice, at all. He had such a temper to begin with, but now he was impossibly fragile over the tiniest things. Not a single word could be spoken to him—Merlin forbid even look at him—without fear of the man-child having a temper-tantrum.
"I was just looking at your ghostly soul," Jasper said breathlessly, with a squint over the potion master's shoulder. "There it goes! Hurry and catch it, before it possesses someone and makes them wear black—"
"Give me my shipment."
Not even the teensiest glimmer of annoyance. Should he try harder? Should he reach under the shop counter for a handful of powdered ginger root to throw in his face and make him sneeze?
"Well, Severus, I can't, in good conscience, give it to you," Jasper said with a solemn nod. Then he added with a smile, "Not without a 'please'."
The potions master's eyes darkened to an abysmal black, as if they hadn't already been black to begin with. This was a whole other level of the color. His hair hung in greasy strings in front of his sunken face and he bared slightly crooked teeth at the shopkeeper.
"Then I shall take it from you," Severus whispered evilly.
Jasper held his gaze easily, clear blue eyes hardening just a little. Severus didn't waver, either. Jasper closed his eyes and sighed. "Fine," he said and turned away. "Be that way, Severus. Abuse me. Ignore my letters. Only come in for your little school supplies and to threaten a poor, sick man."
The potions professor didn't answer and the apothecary owner continued to the back of the shop for the aforementioned shipment. He carried the box back into the store front and set it atop the counter. "Twenty-two galleons, please," Jasper said tightly.
Severus had been reaching in his pocket for the coins, but now he looked back up sharply. "Twenty-two?" He repeated with a sneer of anger. "You raised the price?"
"Well, I did say I was a poor, sick man." Jasper pouted slightly, yet there was condescension in his tone.
The potions master's eyes flashed. "What you are is a bastard." Coming from anyone else, it might have sounded in jest, but coming from Severus... He meant it.
"Come now, old friend," the man replied with a smirk. "You should be nicer to me. What will you do when I'm not around anymore?"
Severus kept his glare intact. He finished fishing out the coins from his pocket and dropped them on the counter with a noisy clatter. "I'm not your friend," he said with complete assurance. Then he took the box and left.
She didn't know how he'd found her... but that hardly mattered now. His letter had shaken her terribly. She knew she wasn't supposed to go near that place again, but she also couldn't ignore such an ominous note. She spent several hours, hands shaking, pacing her Chicago flat and trying to decide what the next step would be. She could send word to her parents. They could go check on him... Then again, they didn't know him. What if this was his one and only cry for help and not going sent him over the edge? What if he thought that she didn't care? What if he really did the unthinkable..?
In the end, she was at a loss of what else to do... so, she went. She packed up a few things, gave her notice at work and asked a co-worker to come water her plants in her absence. She planned to be back soon. It just depended upon how Jasper was... She had to make sure he was okay first.
It was the twenty-second of October when she arrived in Hogsmeade. She wanted to remain unseen, so she came late in the night. She hadn't been back for over a year. It had felt much longer, though... She tried to ignore the unmistakable comfort she felt being back in that place; wearing a hooded cloak; freely carrying her wand in her hand. She even muttered a "Lumos", even though the street lamps were plenty bright enough to light her way.
When she got to the apothecary, the shop windows were dark. It gave her a terribly sick feeling inside, like no one occupied the space anymore and hadn't for a very long time. Her pulse was racing with anxiety, as her attention drifted to the second-level windows. There, she experienced a brief sense of relief seeing the faint glow of a candle. Then again, what did that matter? A candle. It could be anyone's candle. The sign still said "Jasper's Apothecary", but what if they just hadn't changed it yet? What if the light was from some relative, come to clean out the house of the deceased?
Like a reflex, Lucinda quickly wrapped on the door with her fist. She waited only a moment and then she knocked again. She didn't want to speak. She didn't want to be noticed or heard, but she was also afraid. "Jasper," she said into the wood of the door, voice unsure and shaking. She knocked more, much louder this time. She had an unpleasant chill running up her spine and it forced her hand. She started to beat the door, pulse quickening again, as she imagined his furniture covered in white linens and the fireplace empty and cold. "Jasper!" She called louder and slammed her fist against the wood. "Jasper, open up! Please! Jasp—"
The door swung open. She hadn't even realized she'd closed her eyes and when she opened them the lamps inside the shop had been illuminated. The shopkeeper stood in the doorway, blue eyes large and surprised, but exceptionally joyous.
"Miss Morgan!" The man grinned wide at her and the first thing she noticed was the way his skin wrinkled up at the corners of his mouth. "I can't believe you came!"
She felt her chin quiver. She couldn't stop it. A flood of emotions swelled inside her like a vast balloon. She let out a sob and threw her arms around him.
Jasper stumbled back from the force of her embrace, feeling just as surprised at the affection as he was at seeing her on his doorstep. Then he brought his arms around her to hold her up, as now she seemed to sag against him weakly.
"Miss—"
"I thought you weren't going to answer," she cried into his neck. "I thought I would get here and y-you wouldn't..."
"Wouldn't... be alive?" He offered kindly, as his hand patted at the back of her head. "Did I scare you?"
The young woman pulled back and stared at him pitifully, eyes puffy and leaking profusely. "Of course!" She blubbered. "W-Why would you k-kill yourself?" She let out another sob and Jasper pressed his lips together to keep from laughing.
He shouldn't find it amusing, but she just looked so miserable over him—over him. He was not worth the fuss and it was quite funny. But he also felt bad for making her so worried... well, a little.
"Ah, don't worry, Miss." Jasper sighed with contentment, as he pressed his cheek to hers and gave her another tight embrace. "I wasn't really going to off myself."
Lucinda wiped her eyes and blinked at him, though her chin still quivered slightly with emotion. "What do you mean?"
The man grinned too happily at her. "I was just trying to get you to visit me. Was it too much?"
Lucinda stared, appalled, speechless, mouth opened slightly, eyes wide, as she came to the realization that she'd been had. He was gloatingly triumphant. His eyes squinted in absolute exhilaration. "Y... You..." Her brows drew down in sudden anger. "You bastard!"
Jasper laughed unapologetically.
Like teacher, like student, he thought.
She hadn't spoken to him for a while. It was hell getting her to stay after his little confession and, really, he basically forced her to stay by threatening to go ahead and off himself anyway. And maybe that wouldn't have even worked, but it was late and she was tired from traveling, so she agreed to at least stay the night and leave in the morning.
"Are you hungry?"
She didn't answer him. She continued to sit in the armchair across from him with her back straight and rigid; her arms crossed over her chest. She'd been sitting that way for an hour. She hadn't even taken her cloak off. At least she'd lowered the hood, though. Her hair cascaded in chocolate waves over her shoulders and down her back. Her face was a little fuller than it used to be, as well. She looked healthier. She used to be so very thin...
"I know you're upset with me, but don't let that stop you from eating if you need to," Jasper said gently. "As I recall, you have complications with your blood sugar."
He watched the muscle in her cheek flex, as she dropped her eyes to her lap. Her back seemed to relax just slightly.
"No," she said quietly. "Not anymore."
"Oh?" He questioned instantly, relieved that she'd finally spoke. "You used to. Something change?"
Lucinda had deja vu. Sitting in that place and hearing him speak those words... She remembered another conversation she'd had long ago. She tried to forget it the moment she thought of it. "Um—nothing, really..." She rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand. "I'm just... taking some new medication."
"Ah, okay." Jasper nodded. He waited a moment and then added casually, "I thought maybe it had something to do with that experimental drug you created at the University of Chicago."
Lucinda turned startled eyes on the man. He looked back at her with raised brow and a pleasant smile.
"How did you..."
Jasper shrugged. "I saw the article in the Chicago Tribune."
"Since when do you read that?" Lucinda stared bewildered at him.
"Since an old friend of mine writes for the Tribune," he replied, like it was obvious. "He always sends me a copy."
Lucinda sighed in exasperation. "I told them not to publish that article..." she muttered. Then a light went on in her brain. "That's how you found me," she said suddenly, looking at him with realization. "Isn't it."
"Well, it wasn't very difficult after that, no," he replied bashfully.
Lucinda sighed again and slumped back into the chair. She should have been more careful. It was like she wanted to be found...
"Did..." Lucinda swallowed and stared at her lap. "Did anyone else see the article?"
"Hm?" Jasper stared at the fire and shook his head. "No, of course not. Why would they?"
"Oh, I-I don't know..." The young woman rubbed her palms against her knees. "Nothing—no one... no one would, I guess."
Jasper watched her carefully. Well, that's interesting, he thought. It seems she may have regrets, after all...
"So, back to you staying for a while," he said abruptly.
Lucinda choked on her own saliva. "W-what?" She coughed. "When did I say that?"
"You were about to." He smiled.
"And why would I do that?" She smiled back sarcastically.
"Because you wouldn't want me to suddenly feel that life wasn't worth living..." He pouted, dramatically. "Would you?"
Lucinda's smile dropped from her face. "Y-y-you can't do that—Jasper—"
"Well, I mean I could—"
"You said it wasn't real!" Lucinda raised her voice in disbelief. "You said you didn't mean it!"
"Alright, alright. Fine." He put a hand out towards her, motioning for her to settle back down. "No, I'm not going to... do that... but that doesn't matter. You can't leave."
"What are you talking about?" Lucinda laughed humorlessly and shook her head at the fire.
"I'm serious." He said and his tone made her look at him. He stared back at her with a hardened gaze. "You cannot leave, Lucinda... You mustn't."
The prickles of anxiety were starting and her mind began to race through terrible things. "Why..." she started to ask, but he spoke again.
"I need you," he replied with an apologetic inflection. "I need your help."
"I..." She stared with wide eyes at him and then looked away quickly. "I can't."
"You have to."
"I don't have to do anything!" She cried, looking afraid more than anything. "I-I shouldn't even be here. What if someone saw me?"
"I won't tell anyone you're here." He was beginning to sound more desperate and it started the anxious bubbles in her chest. "You can stay in the spare room. You won't have to leave. No one will see you."
"What is this even about? Are you mad?" Lucinda sat forward, placing her feet flat on the floor, as if readying herself to flee. "I can't stay here, Jasper. I came to see if you were alright. That was it!"
"And now I need your help."
"With what?" She asked in exasperation, hands turning out in an agitated gesture.
"With the shop," he breathed and then absently put a hand to his chest. "Just for a little while. Just—just until I'm better."
Lucinda glanced down his face and then back up. "Are you sick again?" Her voice softened instantly. "You are, aren't you? How have you gotten sick again—"
"I'm never not sick!" The man suddenly snapped.
The girl knit her brow and her dark eyes glistened in the firelight. He'd never spoken to her that way before. He was always gentle with her. He was never cross with her. Something was wrong. "What... What do you—"
"I just need a little help." He cut her off with a hand cradling his forehead, as if he had a headache. "Just until I'm over this particularly bad stretch. You're the only one I can trust to take care of things properly here."
Lucinda glanced at the window. "There's no one—" she didn't want to say his name— "nearby who can help you?"
"A new school year started and Severus is busy with his classes." He looked at her and she couldn't look away. "So, no. There's no one... Besides," he added with a grimace. "We're not exactly on pleasant terms right now."
Her curiosity was peaked instantly, though she tried to hide it. "What?" She asked, eyes roaming his face. "Why?"
"So, will you stay?" He asked in turn, ignoring her question.
Lucinda glanced out the window again. Of course she wanted to—there was something going on with Jasper... but she couldn't. She absolutely couldn't. She wasn't supposed to be there. She wasn't supposed to be anywhere near there. She had promised. "No," she said shortly, making up her mind before she could stop herself, and stood up. "I'm going to bed. I'll be leaving in the morning."
Jasper's face fell slightly, as his eyes followed her, but he needn't worry. By the end of that next morning, she would decide to stay.
The sun was bright coming through the sheer curtains. It woke her gently, as her eyes struggled to open. She'd slept with the window cracked and the first signs of autumn carried through the room on a crisp breeze. For a moment, she forgot where she was. She only felt the soft bed beneath her and the subtle scent of spices on the blankets. When the smell of cinnamon wafted up, she couldn't, at that moment, decide if it was just her imagination. She was still half asleep. Once her mind fully awakened, the scent faded. She rolled to her back and stretched. Her lungs released a soft sigh and she opened her brown eyes.
Jasper stood in the doorway, watching her, cup of tea in hand and steam billowing up around his slender, stubbled face.
Lucinda instantly narrowed her eyes at him.
"Morning." He smiled pleasantly at her and took a sip from the cup. "I hope you slept well. Fancy some tea or coffee?"
"You know, if you were trying to get me to stay, you sure have a peculiar way of doing it." She sat up on her elbow and rubbed her face with the other hand. "Watching me sleep? Not creepy, at all."
"Forgive me," he said, but somehow he didn't really sound that repentant. "It has been an awful long while since I was able to greet a woman in the morning."
Lucinda's face burned with a sudden deep blush. It wasn't as if she'd forgotten that she was a woman and that he was a man, but his comment reminded her of that fact.
"Um—" she pulled the blankets up towards her chin. "I'll just get dressed and then I'll be on my way."
Jasper took another sip from the cup and then grinned at her. "If you insist," he said cheerfully. "Have breakfast with me before you go."
Lucinda sighed, "Yeah, sure... If you insist."
"Oh, I do," he said seriously. "That, I do."
Lucinda stood in the hall, ready to leave. He hadn't asked her to stay again. Breakfast was spent in mostly silence, as Jasper remained cordial (though quite pleasant), refilling her tea cup and passing her the jam when she asked for it. After breakfast was finished, Lucinda gathered her things upstairs, while Jasper cleaned up the dishes from their meal and then met her in the hall.
"So, are you sure it's alright for me to leave?" She had her bag slung loosely over her shoulder, but her cloak wasn't on yet. Nor were her shoes. She was wearing the slippers that she'd brought. "You'll be alright? You won't... you know..."
"Don't worry, Miss," Jasper spoke gently. "I assure you, I will be fine. I shan't end my life," he added with a smirk. "I promise."
To be honest, she didn't feel reassured. She felt extremely uneasy. The feeling followed her wherever she stepped, as she was packing her things; each time she tried to put on her shoes or reach for her cloak. There was a panic settling there in her shadow. And it wasn't as if she actually thought he would do something. She didn't get that vibe from him... But something was wrong. She just couldn't figure out what it was; what was making her feel this way. His smile should have made her feel better, but somehow it made her feel worse...
"Lucinda?" Jasper spoke quietly. "Are you alright?"
The girl paused a moment. For the smallest of seconds, she was going to go with her gut and say 'no'... but she didn't. "Fine," she said with a small smile and started past him. "Just thinking. It's nothing. I'm hoping since it's Sunday there won't be too many people out this morning—"
She didn't get to finish her thought. She heard the shop door jingle and then shut. Her feet halted and Jasper bumped into the back of her. She whipped her head over her shoulder to look up at him, eyes wide and full of worry. "You're open?" she whispered, voice accusing.
"Ah, well, I guess I left the door unlocked," he replied casually, stroking his chin in thought.
Lucinda opened her mouth wide, like she wanted to scream. "H-how could you leave—"
"Jasper!" came the growling voice from just around the corner.
Lucinda stepped back reflexively, but the man behind her didn't budge an inch. She didn't really stumble, but he wrapped an arm around her midsection anyway, pulling her back into his chest. She hardly registered this moment of second deja vu, however, because the voice she heard was his. And the sound of his boots hitting the floor was deafening, as they came closer to the hall. Lucinda felt her heart jump into her throat and she instinctively grabbed at the arm around her to try and pry it away, but to her utter horror, Jasper grasped her hand as it came close and laced their fingers tightly together. Her heart was fully up and out of her throat at this point. He did this on purpose. She was stuck and there was nowhere to escape...
"Get out here, you sorry excuse for a human being—" Snape hissed viciously, as he rounded the corner. "Give me the correct shipment and take this—"
Lucinda couldn't breathe. She started to shake instantly, as their eyes met. It was dark in the hall, because there weren't any lights or windows, but he still should have been able to see her plainly. She could see him plainly. The morning light from the shop windows illuminated his face, but his skin still looked to be in shadow. His eyes were sunken, with deep, purple bags under them and his hair hung unkempt and stringy around his sallow features. He looked like a different person... and he looked at her like she was, as well.
He'd entered the hall with a calm sort of fury and it hadn't left his face yet. He'd stopped walking, but he didn't look startled. His eyes still held empty irritation and disgust. His lip was curled and his dark gaze flickered down her body for the smallest of seconds.
Then he looked past her.
"It's the wrong shipment," he spat and tossed the box at the girl's feet.
Lucinda flinched violently and Jasper squeezed her hand.
"Oh my, how in the world did that happen?" The man laughed and Lucinda felt her back vibrate from the motion. "My mistake, Severus. I'll get you the right one. Why don't you come back another time?"
"I want my shipment."
"And you'll get it," Jasper said with just a touch of force. "But, as you can see, I am a little busy."
The potions master didn't take his eyes off the man. His expression still refused to change.
And Lucinda still couldn't speak.
"Just get me my shipment," Snape said lowly and then he turned around.
"Severus—"
She'd found her voice. The panic and unwell she felt at seeing his retreating form overpowered any embarrassment, shock or fear she possessed previously. She didn't think he'd stop, at all. She had hoped, but... well, he was so different. It was like expecting a stranger to stop.
The man did, however, hesitate at the mention of his name. He paused before going through the doorway into the shop. He didn't turn his head. His eyes just slid to the side, briefly in her direction and then looked ahead again. His glare never left. His aura of anger and resentment flowed around him. He'd only paused for less than a second and then he continued forward through the shop.
Lucinda's body reacted instinctively. "Wait—" she called and pushed out of Jasper's grasp. Surprisingly, he let her go. She thought he'd hold tight, since it seemed he wanted to cause her as much distress as possible, but he released her instantly.
The potions master was already opening the front door by the time she skidded into the shop.
"Severus, wait! Please—" she tried to reach for him before he made it through the doorway, but her feet were suddenly swept out from beneath her by some unseen force. She fell and slid several feet back from the shop's front. Without a moment's look in her direction, the man continued out of the building and the door slammed shut behind him.
Lucinda watched the bell above the door jingle and then go still. She was frozen in shock and complete devastation. What had just happened? She was never supposed to see him again. But now that she had, everything was much worse than before. She never should have come. Forget Jasper's suggestive letter. He had lied anyway. And for what? To torture her? To make this all much harder than it already was? What was the point?
Feeling especially hostile and betrayed now, the girl pushed herself up from the floor and walked determinedly back to the man in question. However, she found him bracing himself against the wall; body half-slumped forward, barely standing and breathing heavily.
"Jasper—"
"Sorry..." he gasped and raised his head a little to look at her, though it seemed to be difficult for him to do so. His eyes were unfocused and beneath his nose, bright, red blood was spilling in a thin line from one nostril. "I'm sorry—"
Lucinda watched his eyes suddenly roll back and he collapsed forward onto the floor.
"Jasper!"
It wasn't hard to make the decision to stay after that. The uneasy feeling she kept getting was obvious: Jasper was unwell; much more unwell than he had been before. Putting aside the situation with Severus, her friend needed her and she was right there, anyway. She couldn't just leave him.
If ever there was a time to be thankful that she was a witch, it was now. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been able to carry the man's body up the stairs and to his bed. Once he was securely in his covers, she washed the blood off his face. She was just contemplating who she would get to come look at him when he cracked an eye open and mumbled, "just need to rest" and then closed his eyes again. Then he slept...
...for the next twenty-four hours.
Lucinda left the shop closed the rest of that day and checked on the man upstairs periodically to make sure he was still breathing. She took her things back to the spare bedroom and unpacked, placing her few clothing items in the wardrobe. She made tea and food; read by the fire; wrote a letter to her parents; dusted the shelves in the shop; and kept the door to the store room shut. But mostly... she watched Jasper.
She was alright throughout the day, because there were things she could do to distract herself. People walked by on the street outside and the sun shown bright for hours, illuminating the inside of the little building. She was worried for her host, but she was alright...
Then nightfall came.
Jasper still hadn't woken and she began to feel his absence. She felt alone and little frightened. Especially as she tried to lie down in her bed to sleep. The walls and floor creaked and all she could think about was that Jasper could be across the hall dying right that minute. She couldn't sleep. She got up and went to his room, where she crawled beneath the blankets with him. He didn't stir, as the bed shifted slightly from her weight. He breathed somewhat steadily and the sound was a great comfort to her. It had been a very long time since she'd had a warm body to sleep next to. She was able to drift off easily after that, albeit a little guiltily.
Come morning, Jasper still breathed and Lucinda was eternally grateful. She checked his pulse and placed a cool, damp cloth to his forehead (as he felt very warm). Then she did as she thought she ought to once she'd had something to eat and opened the apothecary.
She could hear the shop door jingle from anywhere in the building, so she was confident she could handle checking on Jasper and at the same time make sure customers were taken care of. From what she'd experienced in the past, the apothecary didn't get too much foot-traffic on the daily. She'd never seen any Hogwarts students shop there and the only staff that usually did was...
"Severus."
He'd just opened the door. She had been looking through the ledger behind the counter to get a feel for how Jasper would normally record sales. The door jangled suddenly and her eyes snapped up just in time to meet his.
"Where is Jasper?" His voice was vicious. He sounded like he was hissing out each word. It made her skin prickle. He was looking at her, but there was a disconnect there. He looked at her, but she didn't think he could see her. He was blind from the aura of hatred around him. She felt like screaming.
"H-he's in bed—"
The man slammed the door shut behind him and continued forward through the room at a brisk walk. He went behind the counter and right on past the young woman, eyes focused ahead and nowhere else.
Lucinda felt the air from his whipping cloak. She was startled for just a moment and then she followed after him, thinking of Jasper.
"He's ill," she muttered at the man's back, pleading a little. "He's been asleep since yesterday—"
The man didn't make any inclination that he heard her. His pace didn't let up. He went quickly up the stairs and made a beeline for the shopkeeper's bedroom. Lucinda instinctively breathed in deep as she walked behind him, subconsciously expecting that same cinnamon smell the man normally possessed, but it wasn't there. He smelled of sweat; of leaf mold and something metallic. Even his altered appearance didn't shake her as much as the change in his earthly scent. He really did feel like a different person...
"Jasper—" the potions master rounded the corner into the room and saw the man was, indeed, sleeping. He paused for a tick and then walked slowly forward until he stood just at the side of the bed. He stared much longer than she expected him to. She didn't say anything. She hoped he would leave the man alone...
Severus looked back at her. She wasn't expecting it. Especially seeing that he seemed to actually be looking at her this time, not through her. But he didn't say anything. She saw his jaw flex and his lips parted slowly, eyes full of some animosity, but he didn't say a word. He just made her feel like she should apologize for something.
And she should apologize.
Lucinda's eyebrows drew together. "Severus..." she said quietly.
He actually continued to stare at her for a moment longer, before abruptly walking past her and back down the stairs.
The young woman let a breath out in a rush and placed a hand to her stomach. Her fingers shook against her navel, as she glanced over at the man still sleeping. She'd left her pillow next to him, where an obvious indentation was visible where her head had lain... And she was sure it hadn't escaped the potion master's notice.
She thought he would be gone once she got back downstairs, but he was standing at the bottom landing, just off the side of the shop doorway. He stood with slightly hunched shoulders, staring unblinking at the opposite wall. He didn't look at her as she descended the last steps. Lucinda swallowed and walked quickly past him to find whatever shipment he'd been asking for.
As she approached the storeroom door, she heard his boots following behind her at a slow pace. As she unlocked the door, her eyes wandered nervously to him. He stood beside her now and watched her hands or maybe just the key those hands were grasping.
"Um," she cleared her throat and swung open the door. "What-what is the shipment you were supposed to get?"
There was an unmistakable tremor in her voice. Severus seemed to not notice, though. He walked straight into the store room, attentive eyes scanning every shelf and corner, until he found what he was looking for; all within a span of no more than five seconds. He paced quickly to the far corner and picked up a box. When he turned, his eyes landed on a faded, maroon stain on the floor. This was the first time he'd entered that room since the night that stain was made. It didn't startle him. He somehow knew it would be there. He looked from the floor to the young lady whose blood had spilled upon it.
Lucinda had stayed at the threshold to the room. She stood leaning against the open door, with her arms folded behind her, eyes watching her feet. She'd pulled her hair back with a clip and he could see her ears. She wore no earrings. She wore no makeup. But she was exceptionally beautiful. Especially now that she had grown into her features. She definitely didn't seem like a girl anymore. She was very much a woman. How could she have changed so much in less than two years?
Lucinda didn't move from her spot as he passed her once more, without a word. Once he was out of the room, she locked the door behind him and followed to the store front. She knew he'd already paid for whatever was in the box, so asking him for payment was out of the question. So, beyond that, she had no reason to keep him there. And she wasn't confident in him anymore to ask him to stay and talk to her.
She watched him head straight for the door, as she leaned her elbows on the counter. To her astonishment, though, he stopped before even reaching for the handle.
"You could have just told me," he said quietly, without turning around.
Lucinda took too long to respond. She was too surprised at his sudden declaration. By the time she opened her mouth to speak, he'd already opened the door and left. The young woman blinked rapidly to keep her tears at bay and hurried upstairs to check on Jasper.
"Forgive me. I was actually awake when Severus was here. I just didn't want to deal with him."
Lucinda ogled at the man sitting up in bed. He truly seemed weak, but strong enough to grin at her, squinting eyes and all. She would have been mad, but she was too relieved that he'd regained consciousness.
"I see I had a sleepover..." He motioned to the second pillow beside him. "Pity that I missed it."
"I'm sorry!" Lucinda blurted. "I was afraid to leave you alone for too long!"
Jasper laughed, leaning back and crossing his arms. "It's quite alright, though I am sore that I was asleep. I haven't shared my bed in..." He thought about it. "Oh, since the last time you crawled into it."
She covered her face with her fingers and whined, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry—"
"I'm teasing, Miss," he chuckled again. "Mostly, anyway."
"How are you feeling?" Lucinda asked, keen on moving past their present conversation. "Is there anything I can get you?"
The man let out a sigh and then pressed his lips together at her. "Normally, I would say no..." he pondered, expression somewhat distressed. "But right now I don't think I could manage more than a walk to the toilet. Could you bring me something to eat?"
Lucinda nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, of course. I'll be right back—" She turned to leave the room, but his voice stopped her.
"Lucinda?"
She looked over her shoulder expectantly.
Jasper's humor had faded from his eyes and was replaced with silent apologies. "I shouldn't have forced you into that situation," he said indefinitely and the young woman was taken aback. "I just thought I could rattle him. And not for my own amusement, though I did enjoy it a little... I wanted him to be angry; jealous; shocked; heartbroken... Anything other than his shell of cynicism. But he disappointed me. He hardly reacted, at all."
"Is that the real reason I'm here?" The woman walked back into the room. "To get a reaction out of my old potions professor?"
"Of course not." Jasper looked appalled. "That was just a bonus... I really do need you here."
Lucinda let out a sigh that slumped her shoulders. "Well," she gave him a half smile and shrugged a little. "Secret intentions aside... I do recognize that you're not well—obviously I do. What kind of person would I be to leave you?"
"Your kindness and compassion is what I was counting on, honestly," he mumbled with a hand to the back of his head, as he raised his eyebrows at her. "Lucky I collapsed when I did, eh?"
Lucinda chewed the inside of her cheek, as she tapped her fingers against the doorframe in thought. "Perhaps..." she admitted and then looked at him with an air of acceptance. "But I think I might've stayed anyway."
Jasper smiled and Lucinda returned it. Then she went downstairs to cook.
Jasper was in bed for the next two weeks, in which time he thoroughly discoursed her on the ins and outs of his apothecary. Learning the basics wasn't hard (like how to keep a recording of all sales and which bits to write down); it was the remembering where everything was and what everything was in the store room that gave her just a bit of a snag. Luckily, being so well-versed in the affairs of potions ingredients, she knew more than most her age, but there were still things she could stand to be educated about. And she was happy to. She learned quickly and she memorized things easily... But it was the store room.
She had trouble being in there. She didn't like the way it made her feel. She didn't like the stain at the far side of the room. Every time she saw it, she thought it was going to grow and manifest into a beast to rip out her throat. She couldn't even sleep, unless she knew the door to that room was locked. Truth be told, she kept it locked regardless of the time of day. She only went in there when it was absolutely necessary—and she was appalled at how often that ended up being. Special orders were stored in there, along with extra supplies; dangerous ingredients (that had to be asked for and required special identification); cleaning supplies and bags and glass jars and vials. Then she had to go in there when new shipments of ingredients came in.
It was as if all there was to that apothecary was the store room.
During those two weeks, Severus didn't return. Lucinda had hoped that he would be back. She somewhat expected him to visit again. She knew he'd frequented that place in the past, so she thought maybe he still did. Although, Jasper had said he was different now...
When he didn't show the first week, she was disappointment and a bit morose, but by the second week, she decided it was best. She might have been lying to herself... but it was best. She hadn't meant to see him in the first place. Maybe that was still possible. He didn't seem to have much reaction, as Jasper said. Maybe everything would still work out like it was supposed to...
But the third week began with a knock on the door.
Lucinda was in the kitchen when the sound came. It was incredibly early. She'd only just put the kettle on and the shop wasn't due to open for another two hours. Heavy yellow rays of sun poured in the windows and she was alone, because Jasper wasn't awake yet. He was no longer confined to his bed, but he'd been sleeping more. She usually woke him with a cuppa.
She was off her guard, because it was early and he hadn't been back for so long. So, when she opened the shop door and Snape stood there on the other side, she was beyond surprised. Her hair was still messy with sleep and she still had her pajama bottoms on, with a large jumper covering her top half. She still had her hand on the door, holding it open, staring at him. She was quicker to recover this time, though.
"Severus?" She questioned. "What-what are you doing here?"
He still looked just as disheveled as he had before, albeit his hair didn't seem quite so unkept this time. He watched her with dark-circled eyes. He watched her with unmistakable contempt; with obvious accusations in his gaze. There wasn't hurt there, though; only malice and resentment. It was too early for such looks...
"I think you owe me an explanation."
The fury in his voice was barely contained. The edges of his sentence shook with it. His wide eyes scared her and she took a step back.
"I-I was going to," she said in a rush. "You didn't give me a—"
A whistle sounded in the distance. It came from the kitchen.
"The kettle," Lucinda said automatically. "I've got to—"
The man swept past her in an instant, crossing the room in large strides. He went right around the counter and through the doorway to the hall and Lucinda hurried after him. For a moment, she thought he'd head up the stairs to Jasper's room, but he didn't. He headed for the room at the end of the hall.
"Wait—" Lucinda tried futilely behind him, as he entered the sitting room. He passed the chairs next to the fireplace and ignored her. He entered the kitchen and snatched the kettle from the stove and the whistling ceased.
It was as the man was standing there, holding the now-silent kettle in his hand, staring at it with irritation, that she caught the scent of bourbon. He reeked of it. She didn't know how she hadn't sensed it the moment she opened the front door... He was drunk, or perhaps hungover... maybe a mixture of both. She began to wonder if he'd even been asleep the night before. She had a growing suspicion that he might have stayed up drinking well into the morning hours.
"Severus—"
"Shut up," he snapped viciously, and jabbed the kettle at her. The water inside sloshed. "You don't get to speak. You don't get to say a word to me."
"I thought you wanted an explanation." She spoke calmly, though she stood several feet away from him.
"Oh, I think the message is clear." His voice turned deft and precise, as he now locked dangerous eyes on her. "What still escapes my comprehension is why it couldn't have been written on a scrap of parchment or simply stated matter of fact to me at any given time. Why go through the trouble of leaving me endlessly obnoxious hours of memories and moments of your life, to taunt my very existence, instead of doing the decent thing and just telling me that I'd misinterpreted you. That I'd made assumptions and you didn't feel the same. That you preferred, possibly, someone with a little more experience—"
"What you're doing right now is making assumptions—!"
"There is no other explanation for what you've done," Severus spat disgustedly. "After all this time, you're here? Here? Hand in hand with him? Sleeping in his bed?"
"I-I know how that looks," Lucinda stammered in her flustered state. "But I didn't—Jasper said he only did it—"
"Believe me, Miss Morgan," Severus said lowly, as he put the kettle on the counter and stepped close to her. "I would love nothing more than to have my eyes plucked from their very sockets by ravens, than to listen to you explain even a moment of what exactly Jasper did."
"You could at least let me tell you—"
Severus reached forward and twisted his fingers in her messy locks, flipping them carelessly. "This says it all," he whispered with a sneer of disgust.
His breath definitely smelled of bourbon. She wanted to be brave and unbreakable, but his words and tone shattered her. Her feelings were stomped on... But perhaps she deserved it.
"Then why the hell are you here?" She whispered back and turned her face away from him.
Severus leaned close to her, until she locked eyes with him. He raised his eyebrows and said, "search me." Then he pushed past her and went back out the way he came.
"Well that is fantastic news," Jasper replied with a grin, rubbing his hands together. "You're certain he was inebriated?"
Lucinda handed him his cup of tea and then sat herself in the opposite chair. "Three sheets to the wind," she replied with a grimace at the fire. "How can you call any of this fantastic? It was awful."
"No, no, don't you see?" Jasper said quickly, sitting forward excitedly. "This is good. He's upset!"
The girl was quiet a moment and then she muttered dejectedly, "It didn't feel good..."
The shop keeper plopped his chin in his free hand and took a sip from the other, watching the young woman with empathy. "Oh, Miss," he sighed. "He can make you feel as small as a butterfly's lashes, but it's all an act."
"It isn't."
"'Course, it is." Jasper smiled when she looked at him with doubt.
"It wasn't an act, Jasper," Lucinda said loudly. "He is disgusted by me. He will never forgive me."
"Firstly," Jasper said sharply and put a finger up. "He is completely enthralled by you. Secondly... he has already forgiven you."
"And how did you come to that—"
"He was pissed drunk, wasn't he?" The man waved a hand at her. "What does that tell you?"
"That I drove him to drink?"
"Nay!" Jasper slapped a hand down on the side table. "That he drove himself to drink. He's guilt-ridden and self-loathing!"
Lucinda just shook her head and then rested her temple in her hand, as she stared solemnly at the fire. "What was I expecting?" She asked quietly, after a moment. "Some happy reunion? I did this. He has no reason to feel guilty."
Her companion didn't answer for a while. They sat in silence. The only sound was the crackling from the fire, until Jasper broke it with an honest question of his own.
"Why did you leave?"
Lucinda simply swallowed and didn't look at him. She wasn't startled by the inquiry, because she was expecting it to come up eventually. She closed her eyes with a sigh and then opened them again. "For the greater good," she whispered.
Once again, Severus was nowhere in sight for the next two weeks. Jasper said it was because he was embarrassed. Lucinda wasn't so sure...
She went about shop business and spent all of her time with Jasper. He'd gotten better again and they took walks at night when she wouldn't be seen. It was a wonder someone hadn't already shown up at the apothecary who recognized her, but no one had. The customers were all locals of the village. The only familiar faces she saw on occasion were those of a few students that passed by on the street beyond the windows. Lucinda would lean towards the wall and watch Xavier Michael walk by with Hagrid or Benny. Her heart leapt at the sight of him. He was tall and beautiful and as red-headed as ever, but his mouth held a bit of a frown. She was so used to his grinning chops and she self-consciously wondered if something had happened in her absence. Had something happened, because of her absence? Dear Merlin, she was so self-absorbed. She shook her head vigorously the moment the thought entered her mind.
She saw others, but none were close friends; just younger students that had been acquaintances. One in particular was escaping her memory, though. A young girl, maybe twelve or thirteen, passed the shop windows and Lucinda watched her with fascination. She had creamy, porcelain skin and large blue eyes, long black lashes and long banana curls to match. She walked by herself and, although she had a face built for pride and condescension, her eyes flittered here and there, watching her surroundings like they were unstable. She had a very particular air of sadness about her...
And then all of a sudden it clicked. Lucinda remembered her face. She was the other Samael sister; the younger one. The one she had somehow completely forgotten about. She couldn't even recall her name...
"Do you know where we put the new bundles of asphodel?"
Lucinda stepped away from the window and looked at Jasper's inquiring face in the shop's doorway. "Hm?"
The man glanced at the window and then grinned sideways at her. "Getting cabin fever, are we?"
Lucinda rolled her eyes and walked past the man. "Hardly," she muttered over her shoulder, as she made her way to the store room. "We take walks, don't we?"
"Well, yes," the man admitted, leaning on the door frame of the store room, watching her walk purposefully to one of the shelves. "But, you're looking awfully pale. Should we try a walk in the daylight?"
"Can't." Lucinda ran her finger along the shelf, until she found the bundles of asphodel. "We've been through this, Jasper. No one can see me, remember? No one can know I'm here." She grabbed a bundle and shook it at him. "I labeled everything... remember?"
Jasper pouted and gently kicked at the bottom of the door like a disappointed child. "Severus knows you're here..."
"Yes, but it doesn't seem that he's told anyone," she replied crisply and walked pointedly back out of the store room. "Which means he doesn't care that I'm here."
Jasper shut and locked the room behind them and followed her to the store front. "If he didn't care, he would have told someone you were here."
Lucinda threw a skeptical look over her shoulder. "How's that?" She turned back around and started cleaning up the bits of loose twine off the shop counter from a previous purchase. "If he cared, we would have seen him by now. He would come back here and talk to me."
"Well, he can't just show up, all willy-nilly," the shop keeper snorted.
Lucinda looked incredulously at him. "And why not? What's stopping him? Besides the fact that he couldn't give two shi—"
"For the same reason that he hasn't told anyone about you." Jasper raised a knowing eyebrow and his lips pulled into a smirk. "He doesn't want anyone to know you're here."
Lucinda stared, transfixed by the man's words and his confident leer. She puffed a quick sigh out and looked away from him, continuing to tidy the counter. "Regardless..." she muttered and shook her head slightly. "It doesn't matter. I'll be leaving soon, anyway."
Jasper rounded on her, "What?"
The young woman paused in her movements and slowly looked up at the man again. "I'm sorry, Jasper," she admitted reluctantly. "But you're better now. I was only staying until you were able to care for the shop and yourself again... remember?"
The apothecary owner's eyes traveled to some spot on the floor, as he became lost in his thoughts. His brows cinched together and he muttered to her, "right."
Lucinda felt guilty and she didn't know why. She'd been there nearly a month. She'd helped him as much as she possibly could. She couldn't keep staying there, getting more comfortable by the day and forgetting why it was she left in the first place. She'd done what she'd set out to do and now it was time to go. She settled on finishing up the week and then she'd leave on Sunday.
Then Saturday night came with a knock on the door.
