Disclaimer: I do not own any of the material appearing in this story. The OC's belong to their respective owners.
Ruby
"Well, look at this! Looks like Pitty Pat is having a quarrel with his lover!" Hades smirked.
"Oh goddess, he's invading this now?" Viridi groaned. "Hades, just because you made your grand return in the main universe doesn't mean-"
"Ah! I can do what I want, miss little cactus."
"WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?!"
"Well… this is gonna be interesting, I guess…" Palutena said.
"Heh, just look at those two. I figured these two would be fighting one day. What's the occasion? Fighting like an old married couple? A nasty break up?"
"It's called sparring!" Pit said, blocking an attack from Ruby.
"Pfft, well that's boring." Hades rolled his eyes. "Here's what you need to do, Pit. Sock 'er right in the kisser! You love kissing her, so why don't you go ahead and punch her in the teeth? Actually… I have a better idea. Turn around and have your girlfriend cut off those useless chicken wings of yours. Seriously, if a One Winged Angel can fly with only one wing, you might as well give up those so-called wings of yours."
"Agh! Of course you'd play the Sephiroth card!" Pit complained.
"Her Rose Tornado can suck up anything in her path. Maybe you'll be lucky and get sucked up into one of those spikes. Ooooh, maybe she'll use that boomerang of hers and cut your wings off! Or better yet, her Rose Palm could blast you helplessly out of bounds! Oooooor she has that Wisp with her. A laser to the face will be perfect for someone like you!"
"She won't do any of that! Sure, she's vicious in a fight but she's not gonna play dirty!"
"Maybe I can give her a nudge. Hey Ruby, Pit ate all your cookies!"
"I'm not dumb, Hades!" Ruby called out.
"Phooey, thought for sure that would work. She's not as naive as I remember. Goodness, Dark Ruby probably did a number on her. Ah well, I'll just wait for her to snipe you from a distance like a turkey waiting for death on Thanksgiving."
"You're enjoying this a bit too much, aren't you?" Palutena asked.
"Of course! Which reminds me… Hey Viridi, how's your stomach holding up?"
"Mmm, a bit queasy, but I'm manag-… Hades, what did you do?"
"I might have snuck in some poison ivy on your salad just a few minutes ago, along with some poison oak. After all, I did see them kiss before the fight." Hades grinned trollishly.
"…Oh… OH! OH YOU MISERABLE LITTLE-… LET ME AT 'EM!"
"Oh dear…" Palutena sighed.
Weiss
"Ah, the delicate snowflake." Hades grinned. "Definitely been a while since I've seen her in action."
"She's improved a lot." Pit said. "She can even hold her own in fights now! I think that fight with Lucina ignited a spark that caused her to be this graceful, epic swordswoman we all know and love… or maybe it was at DK Isle."
"Yeah, it was at DK Isle." Palutena responded.
"Oh, you're saying she improved with that toothpick of hers?"
"She has a greatsword now. It's called Eiskönigin and she can kick some major butt! Seriously, she's not the same girl as before… believe me, I've had a hard time fighting her."
"I can concur! She definitely has killed a Seregios and has pulled off some impressive feats like defeating her doppleganger." Palutena informed.
"Oh? She defeated Dark Weiss? Heh, I thought for sure she would have melted her by now. Well now, this is riveting to hear! And since you told me that she can hold her own now, I'll just sit back and watch her turn you into an ice sculpture, and when she's done, I'll chisel you out! Though, probably just the head."
"That's just cold." Pit mumbled.
"Who do you think you're talking to?" Hades grinned. "I can just imagine having the songbird sing over your frozen corpse. Maybe she can use her glyphs and shoot icebergs at your face, or maybe a little lower below the belt."
"Are you trying to make Ruby mad at you?"
"Ah, I'm not worried!" Hades chuckled. "Either way, Pitty Pat. I can't wait to see her do figure eights on your frozen body!"
"I don't think that's even possible."
"Wanna find out?" Hades smirked.
"No thanks, I'll just fight her normally!"
"Whatever you say!"
Blake
"Oh goody, you're fighting a kitty cat. You have some yarn on you? You'll definitely be her best friend!" Hades said.
"Hades, I'm not sure where I'd find a yarn ball." Pit said.
"Careful, I wouldn't want to mess with her if she doesn't have a yarn ball to play with. That kitty's got claws!"
"Hades, Blake is more than that." Palutena said. "She has Gambol Shroud and her Shadow Whip at her disposal."
"Oh, I see. She has ribbon and a whip! Goodness me, I didn't know she was that kind of kitty cat. Can't say I'm surprised, though. Those books she reads probably has that kind of smutty content in it."
"Uh… where are you going with this?" Pit asked.
"Oh, you'll figure it out once she ties you up with her ribbon and then she'll use her whip to-"
"HADES!" Palutena quickly yelled.
"Party pooper."
"I don't get it. What's he talking about?" Pit wondered.
"I'll tell you when you're older!" Palutena quickly said. "Anyway, Blake is more than just your average cat. She has cat like reflexes, she can see really well in the dark which she uses to her advantage in dark stages like Dracula's Castle-"
"All I'm hearing is that she's just a cat. Which reminds me, I oughta dump tuna fish all over Pitty Pat so she can pry you like a can opener and eat you up! Just watching him squirm will be really amusing."
"Uuugh… then I'd smell like tuna fish even after she's done with me…" Pit groaned.
"That's the idea, Pitty Pat! Now where did I put my can opener…"
"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Pit whimpered.
Yang
"Well well well, if it isn't little miss firecracker." Hades smirked. "I wonder if she's still using you as a punching bag?"
"No! She's moved on from that, trust me!" Pit said. "Believe me, she has."
"All she's good for is punching people's lights out. I'm sure she'll knock your block off."
"She can do more than that! She has her Hadoken that Ryu has taught her to use, also a Shoryuken!"
"Hadoken? Oh Yang, are you ready to burn Pit up? Because I'm shoryuken!"
"Wait, did you just…?!" Pit paled.
"Her puns may be bad, but it's beautiful watching you all squirm and groan in agony. It's music to my ears! It's hilarious how they're so bad."
"So you're saying that you actually like Yang's puns?" Palutena asked.
"If they make you cry out to the almighty "Barbara", then yes, yes it does!" Hades grinned. "You squirm, I get a few chuckles, it's a win win!"
"You gotta be kidding me." Pit groaned.
"Still, it's not as amusing like when you make her angry and she loses all IQ points, especially when you cut off her hair. Then it's real fun! Be careful not to cut off a strand of hair, Pitty! It'll be the last thing you'll do! Actually, what am I saying? Go and slash Yang to your hearts content! Make sure you go for the hair!"
"I think she's getting better at controlling her anger… at least I hope so!"
"I did hear Summer mention that Yang is starting to do meditation and yoga with Wii Fit Trainer to help control her anger." Palutena said.
"I'm still daring you to cut her hair!" Hades smirked. "You'll definitely go out with a Yang."
"Aaagh, dang it, Hades!" Pit groaned.
"Why do I have this feeling I have competition in the pun department?" Yang wondered. "Because if that's the case, I'm gonna knock 'em dead with a-"
"YANG NO!" Pit and Palutena yelled.
"Yang YES!" Hades smirked.
"-Yang."
"GAAAAAH!" Pit and Palutena groaned.
"Ohohohoho! Music to my ears!" Hades grinned.
Happy New Year's Eve everyone! Let's hope 2021 isn't a crapfest unlike 2020.
