Disclaimer: I own nothing in regard to GWTW

Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews and the feedback.

Chapter Forty-Six

Careen's second son was born on January twentieth and they called him Patrick William. Scarlett smiled. Men and their ego's. Will was thrilled with another son.

In early February of eighteen seventy-three, Rhett started having nightmares. He would dream about the day that Bonnie died. He would see her riding her pony with all her determination. He would hear that awful sound of the board breaking. He would see Bonnie on the grass with her head in an unnatural position. He would hear Scarlett call him a murderer again. He would see her little body in the coffin. He usually woke up then crying out Bonnie's name. Sobbing. Scarlett soothed him with words, caresses and by just holding him. She would calm him down but he would not go back to sleep. He could not close his eyes. If he did all those awful memories came rushing back.

The first of March the Butlers and their group went down to Tara to see the new baby. The baby was adorable. He looked like his father but he had Gerald's blue eyes. Both Will and Gerald were proud as punch.

They stayed a week. Ella and George went with them. The sleeping arrangements were getting dodgier but they managed. The boys were in the nursery except for Alex who slept in between his parents and the girls were on Rhett and Scarlett's floor. Melly was in the guest room. As they got in the bed the first night Rhett said, "We are going to have to make other arrangements for our visits to Tara in the future."

"We could buy the MacIntoshes's Place."

"I was thinking more along the lines of adding on to this house."

"If we bought the Macintoshes's place we would have the entire house and the added acreage could be worked without that much for expense."

Rhett smiled at his wife and said, "Making lots of money out of Tara is not our concern. Those are decisions for your pa to make."

"Alright." Rhett could tell by Scarlett's tone that she wasn't happy. Scarlett would always want to be the mistress of a home.

"What do you call my Pa?"

"What do you mean?"

"If you want to get my Pa's attention what do you say?"

"I call him Gerald."

"Rhett that is highly inappropriate and disrespectful."

Rhett started laughing. Sometimes even Scarlett wanted to be proper. He said, "I'm not going to call him 'Pa' and Mr. O'Hara seems overly formal especially considering how many times we have gotten intoxicated together. So, Gerald seems the most respectful."

"I don't like it."

"As long as your Pa doesn't object, I'm going to continue calling him that. Now kiss me and I will tell you a story clean enough for your children to hear."

Scarlett smiled and kissed him. As she was listening to his story she drowsily thought, 'He is such a good story teller.' Soon she was asleep.

Scarlett suggested that Mammy stay at Tara to help Careen with the new baby. Afterall Careen didn't have any female relatives to help her at Tara. Scarlett didn't want Mammy to be living in the household if Bonnie died again. If Mammy was at Tara maybe she wouldn't feel responsible for the child's death if they couldn't prevent it from happening again.

Scarlett noticed how Mammy quickly agreed to staying at Tara. She knew that Mammy loved her but Careen was special to Mammy for Careen looked just like her Miss Ellen. Scarlett knew she would lose Mammy to Careen soon. She thought about this twist in fate. Because she had changed Careen's life and prevented her from going into the convent, she was now going to lose Mammy's constant support and companionship. Scarlett knew that her days of having Mammy to lean on were coming to an end but she also knew that Mammy would be happier living her last days at Tara.

Scarlett smiled and thought, 'This being a caring person is painful and difficult. Being a selfish self-centered person was so much easier. The only person I had to think about was myself.'

As they returned to Atlanta Scarlett dreaded the months to come. She knew that both she and Rhett would get more and more anxious and edgy the closer they got to June twenty-third. That awful day that Bonnie had died.

At first Rhett only had the nightmares once a week then twice a week. By April it was every night. Rhett even took to drinking more than he had in a long time hoping to blot out the memory and the images. The couple was squabbling more about little things. Both of them were spending a lot of time with all the children. One of them seemed to always be with Bonnie and usually both of them. They stopped going out at night and stop socializing with the gentry. Scarlett stopped attending sewing bees and committee meetings although Melanie did continue to attend these events.

Melanie shared with them that Peg Wallace was marrying a Yankee. A Mr. James Taylor. Mr. Taylor was an attorney and he did seem nice even if he was a Yankee. Rhett laughed at the way the women talked about Peg marrying a Yankee in hushed tones like it was a horrible shameful thing to do.

When Rhett said, "I believe it was a Southerner who was beating her up so maybe a Yankee will treat her a lot better." Both women scowled at him but didn't reply.

Rhett thought Peg Wallace had that 'don't give a damn' attitude his wife had. Yes, Peg Wallace and James Taylor would be a good match.

By the first of May Rhett was drinking way too much. He came to bed drunk almost every night. One particular night when Rhett initiated relations, Scarlett did something she had never done before in this timeline and if he was honest in the last timeline either. She refused him.

She said, "You are too drunk."

She turned her back to him.

At first, he was mad which helped to sober him but he was still drunk. He considered continuing any way. He knew he could change her mind. Hadn't he changed her mind last time when she had refused him? Maybe. He couldn't remember but he vividly remembered the shame and guilt he had felt the last time he had forced her. That thought sobered him completely. He pulled her close to him. Even if she was giving him her back, he still wanted her pressed up against him.

He started telling her a story about his youth in Charleston. He soon felt her relax against him and they went to sleep.

The next morning Rhett woke Scarlett up with kisses and whispered, "I'm not too drunk now."

"No, you're not."

They had a lovely time.

After they had caught their breaths, Rhett said, "I will have to stop drinking."

"Getting drunk didn't help you block anything out last time either. It is not going to happen again. We are going to prevent her from dying.

"Is that conviction or a lot of bravado?"

"It is conviction with a lot of bravado. We will stop it from happening."

Rhett hoped so but getting drunk was not helping to prevent Bonnie from dying.

Rhett said, "I ran away because I didn't know what I had done or said beside forcing myself on you."

Scarlett knew what he was referring to. She said, "Really?"

"Yes. I thought I had told you I loved you and as usual I could not appear weak in front of you. I couldn't let you use that information against me."

"It was the best sexual experience of my life up until that point. You made me do things that were humiliating yet strangely exciting. You physically hurt me. You acted like that night was nothing to you. That hurt me more than the physical pain. You made me feel like an incompetent whore."

"I'm sorry, darling. I'm sorry I ran away with your baby. I was hurting so badly and I lashed out at you. I was humiliated with the rumors and gossip about you and Mr. Wilkes. I just couldn't understand how you could prefer him to me."

"He was part habit and part a childish dream. A dream I didn't want to give up because it was all I had in the awful new world we were living in. I'm sorry that I embarrassed you with what happened at the mills. So many times, when you were gone those three months I would think, 'Ashley isn't doing anything to help me out of this embarrassing situation but Rhett would do something.' After Melly died and you left me, when I would let myself think about y'all I would think 'that was the time I should have known Melly loved me and that Ashley wasn't the man I thought he was. I didn't realize it until it was too late."

"I shouldn't have left you."

"We both made so many mistakes but we aren't second guessing ourselves. We somehow got a redo. We are going to enjoy it and prevent Bonnie's death."

"Yes, we are."

They laid there for a few minutes both lost in their thoughts until Rhett said, "What did I make you do that was strangely exciting?"

Scarlett giggled and got out of the bed. She put on her wrapper and left the room. Rhett guessed she wasn't going to tell him.

It was never easy for them to talk about the mistakes they had made in their first lifetime but with having been happy together and openly in love these seven years they could now talk about past mistakes honestly. They were both reticent to bring their past mistakes up but they had somehow fallen into the pattern of only talking about what and why they had done what they had done. There were never any accusations. They both knew they had both made their fair share of mistakes.

After that night Rhett quit drinking again. Scarlett was right. His drinking wasn't helping anything. He needed to be clear headed to think this out in the smartest possible way.

In May of eighteen seventy-three Rhett decided that they would travel. Rhett decided to take the family on a tour of Europe. Rhett had decided that Bonnie would not die if she wasn't in Atlanta during the month of June. As much as Scarlett tried to get Rhett to admit that his rationale was flawed, he was determined that Bonnie would not be in Atlanta in June of seventy-three. Scarlett had suggested they spend the month at Tara but Rhett was not going to spend a month in the country.

He was taking her and their family to Europe. He would take her to Dublin, London, Paris, Zurich, Milan, Florence and Rome.

Scarlett had asked Suellen if she could take Ella with her to Europe. Frank had said no. Reluctantly Scarlett left Ella in Atlanta.

They left Atlanta the first of May to spend two weeks with Rhett's mother. They certainly filled up the private car. There was Rhett, Scarlett, Melly, the children, Evie, Prissy and Esau.

Rosemary had chosen to spend the two weeks with Robert to provide more room in the townhouse. Robert, his family, and Rosemary came to dinner a week after their arrival in Charleston. Rosemary was glad that Rhett was not returning to Charleston. She no longer wanted him to return. He and his wife would just be embarrassing her all the time with their behavior. Rhett was as uncouth and as tacky as his wife. He just hid it better than his wife. He may be her brother but he was still an unacceptable person who didn't follow the rules of proper society. Father was right to disown him.

The conversation at dinner was lively with everyone contributing. Rhett and Robert talked about the possibility of a recession. When Scarlett had joined the conversation, Rosemary was not surprised but she was horrified when Mrs. Wilkes again added her opinion to the conversation without waiting to be asked her opinion. Mrs. Wilkes like her gauche sister-in-law just offered up her point of view. Rhett acted like he was proud of her for contributing to the conversation. Rhett even said, "Excellent point, Melly" Robert said, "I hadn't ever thought of that." While the conversation was going on around her Rosemary was thinking, 'They acted like she had said something earth shattering when she shouldn't have spoken at all. Instead of Mrs. Wilkes influencing Scarlett for good they both were tacky, uncouth, vulgar women. Scarlett had ruined her once friend Emma also. Emma had lost all propriety. She had heard that Emma traveled with her husband on business. How tawdry! Fortunately, they were living in Macon so Rosemary didn't have to pretend to be Emma's friend. Goodness, her mother had just offered up her opinion. This was too much.'

As they were sitting there enjoying dessert, Scarlett turned to Rosemary and Elizabeth and said, "I know this is last minute, Mother, Rosemary, but why don't y'all come with us? Rhett?"

"It sounds like an excellent idea. Mother, Rosemary, can you get away?"

Rosemary said peevishly, "We can't go. We have tickets to the May Masked Ball on the thirtieth."

Elizabeth smiled at her daughter and said, "I have been to the May Masked Ball every year for the last thirty years. No, I'm going to Europe with Rhett and Scarlett. You can give my ticket to your friend Sarah. She can even wear the dress I had made for the occasion. It wouldn't need to be altered very much. She and I are about the same size. I know she wanted to go but couldn't afford the ticket much less a dress for the occasion."

Rosemary snapped, "Mother, you are not supposed to speak of those kinds of things."

Elizabeth smiled at her daughter the same way Rhett did when he was about to say something mocking and said, "Rosemary first, I don't need you to lecture me on proper behavior and second, it is quite proper to speak of those things as long as it is just family."

Everyone turned to look at Rosemary. She delicately wiped her mouth, and said, "I'm sorry but I am suddenly not feeling well." She got up, got her bonnet and her reticule and left the house. Luckily, she didn't have far to walk to Robert's house.

Rosemary had never been so embarrassed. She wished she could move in with Robert. He had enough to meet his family's needs but he could not support her the way Rhett did. If she moved out of her mother's house Rhett wouldn't give her any money. No, she would continue living with her mother and they would never speak of this night. She would never forget though. She would remember this night always. She knew who was to blame. Scarlett and Rhett! The worst part was she couldn't tell anyone because she knew that Rhett would cut off her funds. Mother would probably gladly move in with Rhett and Scarlett despite the fact they were tacky, uncouth people.

One week later, they sailed out of Charleston on their way to Dublin, Ireland. Elizabeth had never been to Europe. She was so excited.