Sebastian got home an hour early Thursday afternoon. When he opened the door, he could hear raucous laughing coming from the living room. He locked the door and walked through the kitchen to find Chandler sitting on the ottoman facing Kurt. His legs were directly in front of him, but Kurt's were extended with his calves being nearly pressed against Chandler's hips. Spread across both of their laps was a bunch of fabric that Sebastian could not identify, but he saw a large hoop fastened to it that Chandler was holding with both hands while Kurt was meticulously pushing a needle and thread in and out of the fabric. He was wearing his glasses, so Sebastian knew it was some type of detailed work.
"Hey, sweetie. You're home early. Chandler was nice enough to agree to come hold this for me when Dani got called in to cover a shift at the diner. I have to turn this part in tomorrow morning."
"I'm glad you got someone to help. Someone pulled the fire alarm in the lab building. My professor told us all to just go home because it would take them an hour to clear the building for re-entry. I've got a bunch of problems to solve. You know where to find me." He leaned over and kissed Kurt on the side of his neck as he walked past the back of the sofa. He went into the spare room and closed the door. He came back out a few minutes later and filled his water bottle up and took it back, closing the door again.
"He's really not angry and just good at hiding it, is he?"
Kurt rolled his eyes. "No. He's not angry. He's glad, just like he said. He knows how hard having this cast on has been and how important it is to me to do well in this class."
"As long as you're sure. I don't want to be a problem."
"You aren't a problem unless you keep letting the hoop move around like that," he teased.
He looked at his hands. "I didn't–" he started until he saw Kurt let a little grin slip.
Kurt laughed. "Gotcha. You're doing great. I'm going to order Chinese for dinner because it was my night to cook, but I had to get started on this. So think of what you want because I'm treating for dinner for you helping me, even though you said I didn't need to pay you."
"I'd like us to be friends and friends don't pay each other to be helpful, but I won't say no to Szechuan chicken."
"Deal."
An hour later, Kurt went to get Sebastian because the food had arrived. He came out and ate dinner with the two of them. When they finished, Sebastian excused himself and said that he needed to run out for a while to get something. He left, and Kurt and Chandler went back to working on the embroidery.
When Sebastian got home two hours later, Chandler was gone and he could hear the shower running. He put what he had bought on the bed in the spare room and opened the bathroom door.
"Kurt?"
"You're back. Join me?"
"Of course." He stripped where he was standing and joined Kurt.
"You've missed the main event, but I'm always up for a curtain call."
"I'm scandalized."
"You're not. From what I can see, you're just as interested in the curtain call as I am."
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I thought I was the bawdy one."
"We can take turns," Kurt said, as he gently pushed Sebastian under the sprayer. "You have to get clean first."
Sebastian stepped towards Kurt, who deftly evaded him. He began to sing.
Touch-a, touch-a, touch me.
I want to be dirty.
Kurt laughed. "Not until you're clean."
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me. Sebastian stepped closer.
Kurt quickly pushed him under the water. Singing new lyrics to the same tune.
Scrub-a, scrub-a, scrub, you.
Kurt reached up to the end of the shower curtain rod and grabbed the washcloth he'd stashed there in hopes that Sebastian would make it home in time to join him.
"So, you were thinking of me joining you even when I wasn't here?" He took the washcloth from Kurt.
"I think about you a lot of the time." He already had Sebastian's shampoo in his hand.
I'll put up no resistance. I want to stay the distance.
I've got an itch to scratch. I need assistance.
Kurt started to lather his hair up.
Sebastian moaned as Kurt massaged his scalp.
"When we did this musical, I certainly didn't play the Creature though."
After he rinsed his hair, he said, "I guess even when you've mentioned doing it, I've never heard you say who you played."
Kurt soaped the washcloth up and began to use it on Sebastian. "I was Riff Raff. Sam was Rocky."
"I can see that. Not because you aren't good-looking enough to play Rocky, but I can't imagine you being anywhere near willing to get up on the stage at McKinley in tiny gold underwear."
"He wore short board shorts, but still. I wouldn't have been willing to wear something so skimpy. I had grown, but I hadn't lost the baby fat, at least in my own opinion. I had nothing in common with Rocky. But you've helped me get a lot more comfortable in my skin."
Sebastian reached out and ran his hands down Kurt's arms. "You are so sexy. I'm glad you're feeling more comfortable." He stepped back under the spray of water, took the showerhead down, and rinsed himself. After he put the sprayer back up, he struck a pose and spun in a circle. "Do I pass? Can I get dirty now?" he teased.
Kurt played along and began to examine him carefully, placing kisses on each spot afterwards. He made his way all the way around and kissed Sebastian on the lips. "Perfect." He kissed him again. "I love you."
Sebastian closed the space between them and kissed down Kurt's neck. "I love you too."
X-X-X-X-X
Kurt was waiting and wrapped his arms around Sebastian's neck when he got to the bathroom door and walked backwards, semi-dancing them into their room. He continued to move backwards until his knees were against the edge of the bed and he leaned back, pulling Sebastian down on top of him. Sebastian's towel slipped and he grabbed for it.
'You don't need that anyway," Kurt said. He reached down and untucked the edge of his towel and slid back and encouraged Sebastian to scoot up. He wrapped his hand around the back of Sebastian's neck and pulled him down for a kiss. "Relax. Lie down on me."
"You're sure?"
"Definitely." He kissed him as he lowered himself. "Remember at the bottom of the stairs in the rotunda?"
"Vaguely, yes."
"You complimented me for the first time in your life. You told me that New York looked good on me, but then you hit me with one of your come-ons and told me that you'd look better on me."
He chucked at himself. "I was full of myself. I know. It was all hot air."
"Shh. It's okay." He kissed Sebastian and when they had to pause to take a breath, Kurt said, "You were right about that. You do look good on me."
"Is this leading to where it seems like it is?" Sebastian asked as he kissed down Kurt's neck.
Kurt ran his hand through Sebastian's wet hair. "I was hoping it would lead to a demonstration of that stamina you've boasted about on, oh, so many occasions when you've been teasing me and flirting with me since we've been dating."
"You doubt the veracity of my statements?"
"Oh, not a bit. I'd just like move past the telling to the showing."
"Not a problem, babe." Sebastian thought, He's ready for round three in less than a half hour. Impressive. He went back to kissing along Kurt's neck where he knew it drove him crazy. "I see you've kept your prowess a secret for me to discover."
"Had I boasted, no one would have believed me."
Sebastian teased back as he kissed along Kurt's earlobe. "I'll confirm your claims, should you decide to make them public knowledge."
"Maybe you can tell Santana before our 5-year high school reunion. She loves good gossip and knowing things no one else knows. And no amount of tamping down Snixx would keep her from wanting to see the whole lot of them turn red."
"I'll keep that in mind," he said, but all he was thinking about was how Kurt saw them together at his 5-year reunion. He knew Kurt loved him, but knowing Kurt saw them as a long-term couple filled him with a feeling he had never had until that point – security.
X-X-X-X-X
After their second perfunctory shower, Sebastian gave Kurt time to get his boxer briefs on before he put his hands over Kurt's eyes from behind.
"Sweetie, we need to get to bed. It's late and I have to turn that dress in tomorrow."
Sebastian kissed the back of his neck. "I know. Aunt Izzie is stopping by tomorrow morning and taking you and the dress to NYADA."
"That's sweet, but I don't want to inconvenience her."
"I'm not going to call her when she's asleep and tell her not to come."
"True. Why are your hands over my eyes?"
"You'll see." He led him into the spare room. He removed his hands and said, "Surprise!"
Kurt crossed the room and looked at the lap desk and a box on the bed. He moved closer to see what was on the bed, and he saw a large, unassembled, wood quilting frame and wooden hoop stand in a box. His mind went into overdrive. "You don't like Chandler."
Sebastian's expectant face fell to total confusion. "What?"
"You said you were okay with him being my friend, but you aren't." He turned to walk out of the room.
Sebastian moved quickly to block him. "Nope. We aren't fighting about this because I'm completely lost and I can't even begin to fathom what made you say that. Stay. I love you. I like Chandler just fine. What made you say that?" He wrapped his arms around Kurt. "We agreed you wouldn't walk off and shut me out, remember? I don't know what I did wrong."
Kurt took a deep breath. "You can home to find me and Chandler laughing and him sitting really close to me and you ate dinner with us, but didn't say much. You left right afterwards, despite saying that you had a lot of problems to do, and you didn't come back until after he had left. You brought back equipment to make sure he never had to come back and help me again."
"Oh, babe. It's not like that at all. I'm sorry. I didn't think how it would look. I came in here to start on my problem sets and I couldn't focus because I was upset about what would have happened if Chandler hadn't been available to come help you when Dani had to go to work this afternoon. I stopped working on my problems and got online and started looking up embroidery supplies. I didn't know the names of anything, but I started looking through quilting websites and I found pictures of people using those two things. The hoop stand looked like what you needed to do the fancy embroidery and the quilting frame looked like what you'd need to make the quilt you were talking about making out of your mom's skirts."
Kurt leaned into him and began to sob.
"It's okay." He held Kurt close. "It's okay, babe. I love you. I'm not going to chase your friends off. I suspect that we can all three be friends. I was quiet during dinner because I was contemplating the different things I had seen, trying to make up my mind which ones would be the best, and planning the route in my head. I wanted to surprise you, to make you happy."
"And I ruined it by jumping to conclusions."
"You haven't ruined anything. You warned me that at some point, I'd probably come up against a knee-jerk reaction on your part. Well, this was the first time. It's okay. Let's go look at them and you can tell me if I did a good job or not. My goal was to prevent the panic you must have felt this afternoon when Dani called and said she couldn't come. I imagined how upset you were and I wanted you to never be in that state of panic again."
Kurt nodded, but before he moved, he tipped his head up and kissed Sebastian. "You did a perfect job whether or not you bought the right things. You're so sweet to me. I'm sorry."
"No need to apologize." He kissed him. "No harm done. We're fine. I'll remember that you aren't used to good surprises and you'll remember that I like to surprise you with good things. And if I'm upset about something, I won't be passive-aggressive and make you guess."
Kurt nodded. He turned and walked back towards the bed. He picked up the lap desk. It was wider than any he had seen before, and it had a real wood top. "What's this for?"
"I bought some washers, bolts, and wing nuts so we can fasten the–" He paused to read the name off the box. "–adjustable embroidery hoop stand to it. That way you can use it on a table if you want, but you can also fasten it to this lap desk and sit on the sofa and use it. That idea was a selfish one on my part. I thought if you could use it sitting on the sofa that I could still sit with you and read rather than you sitting at your desk in our room all the time."
Kurt wiped the tears that were escaping. "That's not selfish. That's super sweet."
"And the quilting frame I found online at an antique place. I picked it because the feet can slide under the sofa. And it adjusts about a gazillion ways from what I could see. So, you'll be able to stand, sit on any height chair, or the sofa and use it. The others I saw had four legs, so they couldn't fit up to the sofa and they couldn't be rotated so that they were completely vertical when not in use." He took his phone out and showed Kurt what it looked like when assembled. "I had to take it apart to get it home."
Kurt looked at the picture. "This is nicer than any I've ever seen. As much as I love how much effort you put into finding just what I needed, I can't let you pay for all of this. It's way too much."
"I knew you wouldn't want me to pay for them. That was the other thing that had me quiet during dinner. I knew you'd probably be mad at me. When you accused me of trying to keep Chandler away from you – that caught me off guard. I was prepared for you to refuse because of the money issue."
"So you knew I'd be mad, and you did it anyway?"
"Yes. If you're going to be mad at me, at least be mad at me for the right reason. Or don't be mad at me at all and let go of that vice-grip you have on your bank account."
Kurt looked like he had been slapped, but he pulled himself together. His instinct was to walk away. He dropped to the floor instead.
"Are you okay?" Sebastian sat next to him. "Can I touch you?"
Kurt shook his head no.
"Okay. Can you tell me why you're so upset?"
"It's like the line in the song. I'll get back to that. Asking Dani for help took a lot of effort on my part. I had to step way outside my comfort zone. And today, the only reason I called Chandler was because I panicked. It was only my panicked state that pushed me over the hump of asking for help. I knew that my professor would eliminate my name from the group of people she would recommend if I didn't have that dress done in the morning. It was only my fear of not getting recommended for future work that fueled me to call. I'm so stubborn. God, Sebastian, why do you even like me? You're right about the money. I've become obsessed. I'm living like I did when I didn't make enough to eat well. You're right, but I don't know how to stop. It's not like I didn't know these things existed. I knew. I could have ordered them or gone out to find a place to buy them here locally like you did. But they're for me. I'm not allowed to buy myself anything. It's like the part of the song."
Tryin' to be good to me.
I should give myself way more love.
I'm my worst enemy.
I'm the voice who says, "I'm not good enough."
Tryin' to see what you see,
When you look at me.
He stopped singing. "This kind of thing. This very issue is what led me to write that part. I am my own worst enemy. I tell myself that I can live without whatever it is. That even if it makes me have to work a little harder or longer – that spending money on myself for something that I can live without isn't what I should do. I should just buckle down and slog through it."
"I remember how rankled you got when I asked about your breadmaker."
"Yeah, that was one of the things that I spent money on that I had to justify to myself about a million times. That and the bed were the only things I bought new. I couldn't even bring myself to buy a proper bed frame. You saw that I had the bed on pallets. It was when we moved my stuff here that, in my desperation, I bought the bed frame." Kurt reached out and put his hand on Sebastian's knee.
Sebastian put his hand over the top gently.
"I've been like this for a long time. I had to justify my expenditures. Before I worked, my dad would give me a clothing allowance based on what he saw as a reasonable amount to spend on clothes, which was determined by what he paid for his clothes. So, if he bought jeans for $20, he allotted the same amount for me."
"But you didn't want to wear $20 jeans from Walmart."
"Exactly. So I started this trade off-system. I had him take me to places like Goodwill and second-hand stores when he went to Columbus to pick up parts for stuff. He'd drop me off, go grab his stuff from the junkyard or wherever. I'd reallocate his budget in completely different ways than he calculated it."
"That makes perfect sense. That way you didn't go over budget, but you got what you wanted."
"But I started doing it with time too when I started to work. Like I'd want something that I couldn't finagle out of the money he'd allotted and I'd start working extra hours to make the money I needed to add to what he gave me. But when I came here, it got out of hand. I didn't make enough money to pay everything and I had to dip into my 'Emergency Fund' over and over again. So, I ate less, walked more, cut corners everywhere I could. And I got a second job because no amount of cutting things was working. It was ridiculous."
"And you've not quit. You've not paid rent in a few months, which means your savings should be significant at this point. And on top of that, you got money back when you moved out of the loft. You also sold some of the furniture to Santana. Your bank account by all indications should be at an all-time high, but you knew about these things, but wouldn't consider buying them for yourself even though you had enough money to do it without going into debt or going without eating."
Kurt took a deep breath and scooted closer to Sebastian.
"I'm going to ask you something. First, can I touch you now?"
He nodded.
Sebastian moved and arranged himself behind Kurt and wrapped himself around him like he had at the beach. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Kurt. "So, let's say our situations were reversed. What would you do?"
Kurt leaned back onto Sebastian's shoulder. "I'd do what you did. I'd get whatever it was that you needed, if I could afford it. Or since you and your parents get along so well, I might text your mom and tell her and offer to be the one to get it here locally."
"But I knew better than to call your dad. You would have been super angry with me if I had done that."
"Yeah. I would have. I didn't even call him and tell him when I was skipping meals. I would definitely not ask him for money for this stuff. I'm glad you didn't call him and tell him, but at the same time I can see your point. If I had a kid who did what I've done I would be upset because I wouldn't want my kid to go hungry. Why can't I feel any compassion for myself, Bas? Why?"
"If you want me to speculate, I'd say that you blame yourself for things you can't control, but that's something for you to talk to your counselor about."
"Yeah, I have to find someone new because once this summer session ends, I can't use any of the facilities at NYADA anymore."
"I hadn't thought about that."
"Yeah. And I don't have as much in savings as you think. The ER bill after the fight wiped out quite a bit of it. I got the statement last week and paid it. It seems that my insurance has a clause in it about not covering injuries from participating in excessively dangerous activities, like race car driving and skydiving, etc. So, my insurance covered exactly nothing after they determined that my injuries were basically self-inflicted from their standpoint since I couldn't truthfully check the box that said the injuries were the result of an accident."
"That's not… Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why would I? And don't take it that way. I just don't know why I would tell you that I paid a bill."
"I didn't mean it like, 'Why didn't you get my permission to be an adult and pay a bill?' I meant it like, "Why didn't you share with me your frustration about finding out that your insurance didn't cover anything?"
"I guess I just felt like I have no reason to be angry. It's just another consequence of the choice I made. The ER bill was just about the same amount as I got back from the loft deposit. I left Vogue two hours early today when Dani called me and cancelled, hoping that the extra time would help and it did. Buzz wasn't interested in having tomorrow and Monday off since he didn't have enough time to plan for the trip he wanted to take. So, I'm out four days of pay at the shop. That's $450 I've lost. I had hoped I'd only lose $150 since I was going to get paid minimum wage, but $300 would have been a lot better than making zero. The follow-up visit Monday cost me about $600 since I had to have a second cast put on. I had to pay the doctor then, and they said I had a month to pay the rest. I just paid it while I was there. A second follow-up visit next Friday will be the $300 cherry on top. I had so much other stuff on my mind, like getting that costume done that I just didn't let myself think about it, but you wanted to know why I didn't just go out and get this stuff for myself when Dani couldn't help. I had actually been thinking about getting these types of things before I got the hospital bill. I hadn't convinced myself, but I had considered it. Now, you know why I didn't. I'll go to the bank tomorrow and withdraw whatever all of this cost you. You were so sweet to go out and get it for me, but I don't want you to pay for them. I need to get my head on straight and realize that I need these if I plan to do costuming work professionally. This isn't a splurge. This is needed equipment for future business endeavors. Do you want to help me put them together? You'll need the drill for us to fix up that lap desk to fasten the hoop frame to it. Or we can wait and do that part tomorrow night or Saturday. I can just sit it on my desk to use it tomorrow."
"Let's see how long it takes to assemble the hoop frame."
"Okay." He stood up and turned around. He kissed Sebastian once he was standing as well. He wrapped his arms around Sebastian and looked at him. He almost let himself get distracted by Sebastian's gorgeous eyes and smile, but he refocused. "This was a great surprise. I've never felt more cared for. You thought about my situation, researched how to help, and did it – all because you care. Despite my inability to figure out why you do – you like me and you love me. And I'm just really grateful. I love you so much." He took a deep breath and sighed as he relaxed in Sebastian's embrace. "Good surprises."
Sebastian kissed along his neck. "Always good surprises because I love you."
