Hannah's birthday present had been a success, which gives him hope for her Christmas one. The holiday is still a few weeks away though, and he has a more immediate concern, namely, Bruce's gift.
He knows the basic things that he likes, tea, books, science, but he isn't exactly sure which of those things could work as a good gift for him. He could get him tea, but what kind? He could get him a book, but which one? He could try to give him something sciency, but what?
He asks Tony about Bruce's kind of science the next time he goes down to the lab to look over the beginnings for his new arm, and he very quickly discovers that he doesn't know much about Bruce's field.
"He's less programming and robots and more genetics and biology," Tony tells him, tweaking something in the internal mechanisms of the holograph projection of his arm. "Even I wouldn't know what to get him scientifically, except maybe a corny joke shirt, or a meet-and-greet with someone in his field."
Neither of those things seem like something he wants to do (since he doesn't understand enough about Bruce's science to even know what would count as a joke), so he discards those ideas, turning instead to his other two options.
"It doesn't have to be fancy," Steve reminds him later. "It's just something nice to do with friends, not a competition."
That helps, but only marginally. He wants to get something for Bruce that means something. He hadn't thought about it much until now, but the man had been very important for his recovery process. As the Asset, he'd been more-or-less terrified of doctors and doctor's appointments, but Bruce had always been very careful and gentle, slowly helping him grow to trust him.
He wants to get him something to show how much he appreciates that, and everything else he'd done for him, but he doesn't know how.
While browsing online he finds a set of tea bags that look like goldfish swimming in the tea, and he orders some for lack of anything better. He at least has something, but he still keeps an eye out, searching for inspiration. Although… he isn't sure if there actually is a present that exists that would do what he wants it to.
As the day of the holiday approaches, he can't help being curious as to who has him for their assignment. He sort of wants it to be a surprise, so he doesn't try to snoop around, but at the same time he can't help squinting suspiciously at the other Avengers sometimes. He can't imagine what one of them will get him, he doesn't even know what he wants, so he imagines whoever has him probably is in a similar boat as him with his present for Bruce.
It isn't until the night before the gift exchange that he has an idea. The tea bags for Bruce are hidden away in his safe (because he's pretty sure Natasha is on a mission to find out everyone's present before them, even if she's keeping her mouth shut about it), and he sits down at his desk, pulling out a sheet of paper.
The actual gift exchange day is about a week before Christmas, since Clint has other plans and Sam is leaving to go see his family.
I suppose, I'm going to see my family too, Bucky muses as he carries his wrapped gift up to the common room. It feels a little weird to think about, considering how he hadn't even known he had a family until a few months ago, but now he and Steve actually have somewhere to go like everybody else.
He's pretty sure Bruce and Tony are staying in the Tower though, but from what Tony had said, he has plans for a small get-together with Pepper and Rhodey, so he's not too worried about them.
He is a little worried about his present to Bruce, but he'd done his best, so hopefully the man will like it.
"Alright." He looks up as Tony places a large rectangle package on the floor before flopping down on the couch. "Everyone ready?" The rest of the Avengers make various sounds of agreement as they settle in and set out their presents. "Perfect," Tony says, sitting up slightly. "Steve, you're the youngest, and also pretty much the oldest one here, so you should go first."
Steve huffs slightly at that, but pulls out his gift good-naturedly. "My person was Clint," he says, standing up to hand over the present.
Clint rips into it eagerly. It's a thin package, and the ripped paper reveals a green plastic case. It's apparently some sort of video game. Bucky doesn't know much about those, but Clint seems to be excited and Steve smiles in satisfaction at his reaction.
Clint gives away his present next to Sam, which turns out to be a cookbook for– "Gourmet Bird Food Recipes," Sam recites in confusion, his eyebrows quirking up at Clint.
The archer grins. "Figured it might come in handy," he replies cheekily, and next to him, Natasha snorts, the noise prompting smiles from the rest of the Avengers. Sam rolls his eyes, but seems to enjoy his present anyways, and he turns to give his present to Natasha.
It's a game called Codenames, obviously playing off of Natasha's spy persona, and the woman herself promptly insists that they play it once they get back together after Christmas. Natasha's assignment had been Steve, and she passes him a rather lumpy looking present.
"This is just as much for my benefit as yours," she tells him as he unwraps a new set of boxing gloves. "Now you don't have to wrap your hands when we spar." Steve smiles at that and wiggles his fingers into the gloves, flexing them a few times before turning to the rest of them.
"I've already given my gift," he says. "Who wants to go next?" Bucky's mind stalls at the idea of volunteering, but thankfully he doesn't have to, since Bruce steps up, reaching down for his own present and handing it over to Tony.
It's a medium sized rectangle box, and Tony pays no mind to the paper as he tears it open. The paper peels away to reveal a white cardboard box with a wooden model on the front. "Mechanical Paper Plane Launcher," Tony reads, his eyes bright as he glances over the box.
Bruce leans forward. "You build it yourself," he says. "And I thought DUM-E and U would have fun playing fetch with it."
The project does look entertaining, but Tony seems extra mesmerized by the gift for reasons that Bucky isn't quite sure of. It's obvious though that he appreciates it, and he sets it aside almost reverently before grabbing his own present. "Alright," he says, giving his head a little shake. "So I got Bucky."
Bucky supposes he should have guessed that, seeing as nobody else had had him, but he still can't help feeling a little stunned as Tony lifts up his package with a grunt and carries it over to him, setting it down on the couch next to him with a rattle.
It's a thin package, although from the way Tony's handling it, it's obviously heavy. Bucky raises his eyebrow slightly but reaches for it, pulling it onto his lap before instinctively peeling the tape away from the paper instead of ripping.
"Should've known you would be just like Steve," Tony mutters as he makes his way back to his seat. Steve laughs at that, but nobody rushes him as he carefully pulls away the paper from the gift.
It's a toolbox. He stares at it and runs his fingers along the hard-plastic surface. He'd seen these boxes in Tony's lab and in the garage, but he'd never expected—
From his seat on the couch Tony is practically vibrating with impatience. "Open it!" he bursts out, and Bucky can't help smiling.
He releases the clasps and lifts the top. The toolbox unfolds like a book and reveals a plethora of tools nestled neatly on both sides. He stares, completely speechless. There is everything in this box, screwdrivers, and pliers, and wrenches, and a small saw, and a hammer, and wire strippers, and a utility knife, and a measuring tape, and that is just the start.
He darts his head up to Tony, his mouth opening slightly in shock. "This is amazing," he breathes. "This— this is for me?"
Across from him, Tony relaxes at the positive reception of his gift and pulls up an easy smile. "Of course," he says, a proud gleam in his eye. "If you want to get your hands dirty with that kind of stuff, then you're going to need your own set."
Bucky clutches the box closer to him and nods, still a little stunned. "Yeah," he gets out, his mind racing. He had been wondering – hadn't he – what he could do now that he isn't the Asset, and he likes working in the lab and the garage and now he has his own toolbox—
He realises abruptly that he'd been sitting, grinning over his own present, while he still has his to give, and he breathes in, sweeping up his shock and joy over his gift, before turning to carefully put it aside, his fingers brushing over the case as he closes it, still getting used to the idea that it is his.
"Thank you," he says quietly, catching Tony's eye for a second and daring him to try to duck away from the thanks. He is very nearly 100% certain that the man had gone over the price limit for this gift, but he supposes he should have expected that.
Tony opens his mouth, probably to brush the praise away like usual, but Bucky doesn't give him the chance because he reaches down for his wrapped present and turns towards Bruce. "This is for you," he says, feeling slightly embarrassed. His gift feels a little less perfect than the rest of the Avengers, but he hopes Bruce likes it anyways.
Bruce smiles as he accepts the small package and Bucky watches as he peels away the paper to reveal the box of goldfish teabags. He smiles at them, but Bucky keeps watching, because while the teabags are nice, the rest of the present, the important part, is the card taped to the top.
Nobody else had written anybody else any cards, so Bucky feels a little awkward as they wait while Bruce reaches to open it, but he keeps his jaw set. He might not have been able to find the perfect present to tell Bruce what he wanted, but he could write it down.
The card itself is nothing special, just a sheet of lined paper, but the contents… It probably isn't the most elegant of notes, but it is sincere. He'd wanted to tell Bruce how much he had helped him; how afraid he had been of doctors and medical procedures and how much the man had been able to gain his trust.
I'm never afraid when you're around anymore, he'd said, because it's true. When he'd woken up in med-bay after his arm had locked up, he hadn't been afraid. He'd known that Bruce would take care of everything.
He stares as Bruce begins to read the letter, and he swallows nervously, his hands knotting in his lap. He hasn't really said anything like this to anyone before – even if he isn't exactly saying it right now – so he isn't exactly sure what to expect.
He hadn't been expecting Bruce's eyes to fill with tears. He doesn't actually cry, but he looks about ready to, and Bucky sits up in alarm, his mind racing. Had he actually managed to offend the man? He hadn't been trying to. Had he misjudged the situation somehow—?
Bruce looks up at him and smiles, his eyes bright. "Thank you, Bucky," he says, his voice rough. Bucky relaxes, recognising that he hadn't messed this up, in fact, Bruce seems to be really touched by his gesture, the man brushing lightly at his eyes as he reads the note again.
Bucky smiles and lets out a breath of relief. "You're welcome," he says.
oOo
The success of his Christmas present to Bruce leaves him feeling excited for his one to Hannah. He and Steve go up to visit her the day before Christmas, since she has other family visiting her later, and Bucky isn't quite ready yet to try to meet them.
Hannah doesn't seem to mind, smiling just as bright as usual as she lets them into her house. "Merry Christmas," she says as they juggle their gifts and shed their coats. Her house smells like baking, and she leads them to the kitchen, sitting them down at the table to a plateful of gingerbread cookies.
"Ma's recipe," she tells him with a grin, and even if he doesn't remember it, Bucky savors the flavour.
As promised, Steve has brought another batch of his no-bake cookies as well as another smaller present. Bucky watches as Hannah accepts the small box and pulls the lid off. "Oh," she breathes as she pulls out small red star made out of glass. It hangs from her fingers from a thin silver thread, and Bucky realises that it's a reflection of the wooden star on her tree.
"I thought you might like an ornament from us too," Steve says, his face soft as Hannah looks over the gift. Bucky can't help admiring it too. Hannah may not know it, because he has yet to show her his full arm, but the star really does match the both of them.
At least for now, he thinks. His new arm will look slightly different.
He pushes the thought away for now as he reaches to hand Hannah his own gift. "I hope you like it," he says, noting how she unwraps it in the same careful manner as he and Steve. Maybe Tony is the weird one on this, instead of them.
In front of him, Hannah pulls the wrapping paper away from the scarf, and he can't help holding his breath, watching as she looks it over, her eyes wide. "It's beautiful," she breathes, running her hands over the soft material.
Bucky breathes out and smiles. "Now we match," he says. "Sorta."
Hannah laughs at that before pulling the scarf away from the paper and wrapping it around her neck. "If we match, then we need a picture together," she says. "Steve, do you have your phone?"
He does, and Bucky gets up to get his scarf before coming back and settling down next to Hannah, she leans into his shoulder and he gives a start when he realises that he'd sat with his left arm towards her. Hannah doesn't hesitate though, as she grabs his metal hand and squeezes it.
"Say cheese," Steve tells them as he stands in front of them, his phone in hand. Bucky doesn't have to say anything to have a smile on his face.
Hannah has her own presents for them after the picture. "I hope I got the size right," she says as they unwrap their presents. Bucky smiles as he sees what it is. She'd knitted them both a pair of mittens, his, blue to match his scarf, and Steve's a combination of blue and yellow.
"Of course, I know you can see more colours now, but I remember those were the ones you could see before," Hannah tells him, before turning to Bucky. "I hope the fibers don't get caught in your hand," she says anxiously.
Bucky shakes his head and slips the glove on. Even if fibers did get caught in his metal hand, he would still wear them. "It's fine," he reassures Hannah. "Besides, I'm getting a new one soon. This one can stand whatever else I have to throw at it."
Hannah smiles, the wrinkles on her face amplifying the gesture. "You'll have to show me your new one," she says, and Bucky pauses, blinking.
"Yeah," he says after a moment. "Yeah, I will."
oOo
He hadn't been exaggerating when he'd told Hannah that he would be getting a new arm soon. Tony calls him down to his lab a few days after Christmas to show him his completed arm, ready now to replace his old one.
"Kind of a belated Christmas present, I guess," Tony tells him, as he looks it over, fiddling slightly with the fingers. "We're pretty much ready though, now we just need to find you a team of doctors and come up with a surgery plan."
Bucky looks up. "How long do you think that will take?" he asks.
Tony shrugs. "I've got some people in mind, and Bruce is already working on some of it. I'd say we'd be ready sometime in January."
Bucky looks back at the arm on the table and rolls his metal shoulder, breathing in once before nodding. "Sounds good to me," he says.
He has to admit, he feels better knowing that Bruce will be helping pick his medical team. He knows most doctors are ethical and trustworthy, but he's comfortable with Bruce, and knowing that he's involved with the process is a relief.
"We want you to be as comfortable as possible," Bruce tells him. "The doctors we've found are all very competent in their field. Tony's even worked with one of them before."
The doctor Tony had worked with turns out to be a man name Stephen Strange. Doctor Strange is primarily a neurosurgeon, but is apparently brilliant, and also especially skilled with working with the nervous system, something which will be important when re-attaching Bucky's new arm.
Bruce organises a meeting between him and the doctors so that they can prepare for the surgery, and so that Bucky can grow more comfortable with them. Upon meeting him, Doctor Strange seems a little arrogant for his taste, but confident in his abilities, and he'd come with another doctor who will be on his team.
"I'm Doctor Christine Palmer," a smiling brown-haired woman tells him, holding out her hand. "I work with Stephen."
Bucky accepts her handshake and listens to the two of them discuss his arm and the upcoming surgery. "We're lucky that Bruce has enlisted the help of Doctor Helen Cho too," Doctor Palmer tells him after a while. "Her work with nano-molecular tissue will certainly be a big help in making sure the surgery is successful."
Bucky nods at that. Helen Cho is the third doctor recruited for his surgery, a brilliant mind working in South Korea that both Bruce and Tony had spoken about in admiration. Because of her location outside of the States, Bucky doesn't get to meet her until after New Years, but once she arrives at the Tower, she is quickly settled into one of the guest rooms, and Bucky goes down to meet her in the lab that had been set aside for her.
Doctor Cho turns out to be a sharp-minded but quiet woman, her gentle manner reminding him a lot of Bruce as she shows him the Regeneration Cradle she has been working on. "It's not ready for wide-scale use yet," she says, as he watches the machine repair a small scrape on her knuckle. "But it will help lower the recovery time for your surgery, and it will help repair some of the damage from your previous prosthetic."
He swallows and rolls his shoulder, his eyes still on Doctor Cho's machine. He finds he can't really imagine what it will be like to have a different arm than the one he has now. He knows Tony's will be better and more comfortable, and he knows that getting a new arm will hopefully result in something less painful and easier to use… but he has no idea what that will be like. He can't even imagine it… but the surgery is getting closer and closer.
Besides the doctors, he also has a few physical and prosthetic therapists, which Tony consults, before he and his team get together to plan the details of the operation.
And then suddenly the date is set, a day in the last week of January, when he will finally get his arm removed and replaced with another.
"Because Tony's arm is detachable, the plan is to first remove your old arm, and then implant the port for the new one," Bruce tells him, his eyes gentle as he sits next to him on the common room couch and explains the plan.
"So that means when you come out from surgery, you'll be waking up with one arm, for the time being. Once we're certain everything is in order, Tony will show you how to attach the actual arm, and if all goes well, you should have a new prosthetic."
Bucky nods. "That make sense," he says. He's not exactly sure what it will be like to wake up with just one arm, since he doesn't remember much of that before Hydra had given him his current one, but in a way, he is kind of glad that he will get the experience. If he had never been captured by Hydra, then he would have had to live his life with one arm, so it will be interesting to experience that for a little while.
Bruce smiles at him. "Alright. I know we've gone over everything a few times, but if you have any questions you can always ask me. I know this whole thing can be pretty intimidating, so, please don't hesitate."
Bucky nods and thanks him, feeling extra conscious of his arm as he moves to stand and head back to his room. He's excited to get it taken and replaced, but at the same time, he will also be very glad for when this will all be finally over.
oOo
The days seem to take extra pleasure in dragging out before his operation, and Bucky finds himself relying on the relaxation and grounding techniques in Sam's app as the day of the appointment grows closer. With Hydra, he hadn't really known that his surgery had been coming, and he hadn't really been in a place to worry about it, but now his mind seems to be making up for lost time.
And then the day of the surgery arrives.
The operation itself is at the hospital that Doctor Strange and Doctor Palmer work at, and Steve drives both him and Bruce over on the day of the appointment. "You doing okay?" he asks as Bucky watches the buildings pass outside the car window.
He nods. He is as okay as possible, he supposes. He doubts anyone in his position could avoid being nervous, but he knows intellectually that he's safe, and that he will be grateful once the operation is completed.
Steve gives him a quiet nod in return and offers him a small reassuring smile. "We're almost there," he says as he flicks on his turn signal and prepares to turn the corner. Bucky swallows and rolls his shoulder, his eyes on the approaching brick and concrete building, the hospital looming above them a dozen stories high.
Bruce shifts in the back seat and Bucky reminds himself that the hospital is the one that Doctor Palmer works at, and that it isn't inherently dangerous, and that everyone around him is working very hard to make sure his operation is a successful one.
He rolls his shoulder again.
After Steve finds a place to park, they sign in and Bucky is led to a hospital room to get prepped for the surgery. Bruce and Steve wait for him while he gets changed into his hospital gown and he comes back to sit on the hospital bed, his stomach beginning to twist around anxiously with nerves.
Bruce smiles reassuringly at him as he sits down. "I'm just going to finalise some things with the nurse," he says, turning to head out of the room. "We should begin surgery prep soon."
Bucky nods at him and tries to breathe in and out evenly. Bruce has the most experience with the anesthetic developed for both him and Steve, so he will be overviewing that, which is a relief. He can remember the half-lucid state he had been forced into when Hydra had operated on him, and he does not want to relive that again.
He wishes he hadn't thought of that, because he finds himself tense by the time Bruce returns with the nurse, his jaw clenched and his right hand pressing into his leg to keep it from shaking. The nurse smiles at him while she prepares the sedative under the direction of Bruce – and he knows that Bruce doesn't actually have a medical degree in this country, but he would really rather that he do it – and she's busy explaining to him what's about to happen just like Bruce would but—
"Bucky."
He blinks and Steve is by his side, not touching him but standing next to him, his eyes worried. "Bucky, can you breathe in slowly for me?" he asks, and Bucky realises that his breaths have gotten rather short, his right hand pressing almost painfully into his leg as his heart pounds against his chest.
He sucks in a breath and holds it for a moment before letting it out again. He swallows and breathes in again, noting how the nurse has backed off, standing next to Bruce again as they wait for him. Bruce catches his eye and gives him a smile. "Just take your time," he says. "It's fine."
Bucky nods and presses his lips together as he takes in another breath through his nose. He supposes he shouldn't be surprised that he had been triggered. Everyone, including him, knows that this operation is bound to bring up some bad memories… But he knows that he can deal with them.
He sets his jaw and thinks back to the PTSD app on his phone. He'd been using it to prepare for the operation, and its suggestion for triggering was…
The RID tool, Relax, Identify, Decide. He takes in another breath, consciously making it slow and deep. Well, he's already working on the relaxing bit. Everyone is being patient with him, which means he doesn't have to stress about that. As for identifying the trigger…
He glances over to the nurse and her prep station. It's pretty easy to figure out that needles and the fear of waking up during surgery had been the thing to set him off, which pretty much leads immediately into the 'decide what to do' part of the exercise.
He knows he needs to be put under, and he knows that that can't really be avoided, but he can remind himself that he is safe, and that Bruce will be making sure that the sedative works, and that the man had already used it once to help him when his arm was hurting. He relaxes his shoulders and breathes in again, his right hand letting up on its pressure a little as he swallows and few times and works his jaw around, letting his teeth take a break from being clenched.
Steve is still next to him when he looks around, but he's got a calmer look in his eye now, and Bucky can imagine that he can tell from his heartbeat that he's calming down. "You ready?" Steve asks, and Bucky nods, looking back at the nurse.
"I'm ready," he says.
oOo
Waking up from surgery feels very similar to when he'd woken up after his arm had seized. As an added bonus, this awakening is a lot more pleasant than the one he'd had with Hydra when they had first attached his arm. Back then he hadn't even known to expect a new hunk of metal on his left side, this time he isn't surprised when he wakes up to find his arm gone, white bandages hiding the new port for his prosthetic.
"How do you feel?" Steve asks from the hospital chair on his other side. "The doctor's will probably talk to you soon, but they said the surgery went well."
It might be the lingering drugs in his system, but Bucky finds that he is much calmer than he had been before the surgery. Now that it's over, he doesn't have to stress about it, and he finds himself smiling at Steve's words.
"That's good," he says, before shifting to push himself up a little on his bed. Somehow, even though he knows he currently doesn't have a left arm, he instinctively tries to use it anyways, and he lets out a muffled chuckle as he fumbles.
Steve is smiling too when he looks over, and Bucky huffs at him good-naturedly. It feels weird not to have his arm there. The difficulty probably lies with the fact that he's lived for a very long time not exactly feeling his arm, but still having it anyways. Before, he could feel the weight of his prosthetic, and he could feel pressure changes while he used it, but it didn't exactly feel like an arm. So, when he lacks feeling on his left side now, his brain still assumes that something useful is attached.
His shoulder does feel way lighter though, and he tries to refrain from rolling it experimentally, because he doesn't feel like testing whatever pain meds he is on. Doctor Cho's machine might have helped with repairing the damage to his arm and with healing it, but he doubts his body will get used to the brand-new port in his shoulder right away.
"I'll go tell the nurse you're awake," Steve tells him, standing up. "Bruce went on a coffee run, so he'll be back in a few minutes."
Steve's prediction proves correct, and soon Bucky's hospital room is filled with his surgeons, Bruce, Steve, Tony and the same nurse from before.
"Your surgery was a success," Doctor Strange tells him, the expression on his face making it clear that he had expected nothing less. "We still need to keep you under observation for a few days, but with your serum and Doctor Cho's machine, we expect you to heal much faster than most from the operation."
Next to him, Doctor Palmer nods. "In the meantime, you'll work with your physical therapist, and once we clear you, Mister Stark can introduce your actual prosthetic."
Bucky nods, because everything so far has been according to plan, and the doctors file out of the room while the nurse comes over to check his vitals. "Looking good," she tells him with a smile. "We'll send over Liz soon."
Liz is Bucky's new physical therapist, a small Hispanic woman with enough energy to put Tony to shame. "Exercises after amputation surgery are very important," she tells him brightly as she guides him through various stretches and core strengthening exercises. "We don't want the muscles and joints to shorten or stiffen in your residual limb."
Bucky had only met Liz briefly once before while everything was being planned, but he finds her upbeat nature strangely reassuring. There is something about her that makes losing an arm seem not only manageable, but almost natural.
"I know you have a serum to help you heal," she tells him as she shows him techniques to gently desensitize the skin on his shoulder. "But that's no excuse to slack off in after-care. We want to be very kind to your scar and skin on your residual limb."
His scar is actually a lot smaller now – thanks to Doctor Cho's machine – but Liz gives him a mild soap to wash with twice a day, and a cream to rub into his scar. "This will help prevent chafing," she says, before flashing him a half-smile. "Although I suppose your port won't be moving around too much."
He chuckles at that and looks down at the metal port embedded in his shoulder. It's smaller than the last one had been (because it's better designed, according to a miffed Tony), and the seam where it connects to his shoulder is smoother. When he'd first woken up from surgery, the area had been a little swollen, but now it is mostly healed, and with the stretching and massaging exercises with Liz, he finds it hardly hurts at all.
"Well, at least you don't mind doing the exercises," Liz comments as she watches him roll his shoulder for the dozenth time that session. He can't help laughing at that and he runs his hand over the metal junction.
"It just, feels strange, for it to move so easily," he says, although he doesn't know how to explain it. He keeps moving his shoulder, and it keeps just… moving. The only time it hurts is the natural pain that comes with stretching, and even that is lessening with Liz's exercises. It's just… strange.
Liz smiles at him before placing her hands on her hips in anticipation. "Well, today we're going to be working with the right side of your body."
He nods as Liz pulls up a rolling table and begins to set out little tasks for him to do. Learning to do things one handed is the other half of his therapy. He has very little experience trying to work with just one hand – with everyday things at least, he's fairly certain he could handle a gun completely onehanded if he needed to. To add another layer of difficulty, his right hand isn't his dominate hand, so Liz has him practice over and over with simple tasks like folding a towel, and doing his hair, and brushing his teeth.
"This way you can choose if you want to wear your prosthetic or not," she says as she carefully shows him, again, the trick for putting a ponytail in onehanded. Bucky – who's muscles on his right arm are currently very unhappy, and who's hair is very much down, and who is getting far too sweaty for this sort of thing – thinks very seriously about just cutting off all his hair.
(But then, he finally, finally gets it, and Steve's face when he shows it off to him during his visit makes it worth it.)
Liz works with him for several days, and he still has plenty he can improve on, but the final, most important thing for him to learn to do onehanded, is caring for and putting on his prosthetic.
Tony brings it in on the day when he's finally ready to try it out, and the man is practically vibrating with excitement as he sets the case down next to him on the bed. Bucky can't help admiring it as Tony opens the case and pulls it out. He's seen it before, of course, but now, this time, it is actually going to go on his body, and he takes it in with new appreciation.
It is less bulky than his Hydra one, because it doesn't need to be able to punch through concrete. It's probably still stronger and more durable than any other prosthetic out there, but it's not a weapon anymore. It is also much lighter than it used to be – thanks in part to the slimmer design – and it's a darker grey, almost blue this time, instead of the bright silver that it used to be.
And the star is different. Tony had asked him once if he'd wanted to keep that feature, and it had taken Bucky a little while to decide what he wanted to do with it. The red star is a symbol, a callsign for the Asset, and he doesn't need that anymore… but the actual star itself isn't all that bad.
So now he has a new star, a blue one. Because blue is important.
"Alright," Tony says as he holds the arm out with both hands. "I'll show you how to attach it, and then you can see how it works for you."
Tony helps him remove the protective liner over the end of his metal shoulder before showing him the matching connections in the port and the arm. "It's pretty simple," he says as he brings the arm close. "It should just slide in like this–"
The arms slides in with a seamless click, and Bucky blinks at how easily it had gone in, his eyes dropping down to look at the joint while Tony steps away, an intense look on his face as he scans Bucky. "How does it feel?" he asks.
His eyes still pinned to his arm, Bucky slowly flexes his fingers. He hadn't realised how tense he'd been, until nothing else happens except for a wiggle of fingers, and his shoulders drop, no longer trying to hold up the remembered weight of his Hydra arm.
He stares, lifting his shoulder again, and it… doesn't hurt.
He darts his eyes up to Tony and then back down to his arm, something bright and breathless rising up in his chest as he rolls his shoulder again. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt at all. He'd known that had been the goal, but he'd been expecting it anyways because he hadn't known how it could not hurt, but it doesn't—
"Is it good?" Tony asks, practically bursting with tension, and Bucky realises that he hasn't spoken yet.
A smile breaks over his face as he flexes his fingers again. He looks over at Tony and finds the giddy feeling in his chest bubbling out into a laugh.
"It doesn't hurt," he tells him, sucking in a breath as his body ping-pongs between emotions and his eyes grow damp. He laughs again, the sound more wet this time. "It doesn't hurt at all."
Tony smiles at him. "That's good," he says roughly, his eyes suspiciously shiny.
AN: So a lot happened in this chapter! I hope you enjoyed that Christmas scene. Bucky's present for Bruce was probably different than you expected, but I thought it was really touching (and yes, Tony DID go over the price limit… but so did Bruce, and NO one will suspect him XD)
And then we got the arm operation. Bucky finally gets to have an arm that isn't a weapon from Hydra, and is something that doesn't hurt him.
One chapter left!
