AUTHORS NOTE: I hope you are all still enjoying this story. These last few chapters have been tough to write. I had the ideas in my head but I found it a challenge to get them into the story in a way I was happy with. But I think I've got there now. Please continue to review. Thanks - BetaBear
Unlike his wife, Anakin found his sleep was troubled, as he tossed and turned in their large bed. As he felt his body succumb to sleep, his nightmares began. He was ascending the stairs of the Jedi Temple, his boots hitting the ground in sync with the hundreds of clone troopers who marched in formation behind him. He could sense the fear of those inside, as they were helpless to resist the callous persecution of all who resided within. In his mind he saw the terrified expressions of the younglings, as he entered each room and cut them down mercilessly. As he departed the final room in the temple, he caught a glimpse of his reflection and saw his burning Sith yellow eyes that were glistening with tears. As he departed the place, he had called home, he could still hear the screams of all those he had killed. But he could no longer feel guilt over their deaths. The Jedi were trying to take over, and Darth Vader could not let that happen. He had to keep killing.
At that moment, Anakin lurched forward, his eyes opening wide as he brought a hand to his chest, trying to ease his thumping heart. He was bathed in sweat and could feel the anger and guilt building inside of him. How could he have done such unforgivable things? How could he have been so stupid to believe the words of Palpatine? It had cost him everything. Needing some space, and not wanting to wake his wife, Anakin left their bedchambers, and headed towards the gym and meditation chamber in his establishments.
Trying to find some relief, Anakin walked over to the battle post, suspended from the ceiling, and punched it several times, his strength propelling the post forward with each swing. He was frustrated that the physical exertion did nothing to comfort his rapidly building anger, as he continued to strike the post harder and harder. Realising his physical exploits were getting him nowhere, Anakin remained still and closed his eyes, and tried to call on the light side of the Force, knowing he had neglected it for a long time in his servitude to the dark side.
He was immediately overwhelmed by the strong pull of the dark side, as painful memories of his past as Vader, again started to flash through his mind. Anakin released a loud groan as he tried to force the images out of his mind, knowing that for many years they had served to torment and twist him further down a dark path. An image of the Emperor suddenly flashed within his mind, laughing wickedly and goading him about how easy he had been to manipulate and how he was always going to be a slave to him and the dark side.
At this thought, Anakin felt his anger explode within him as he screamed, "You took everything from me! I hate you!" Fuelled by his anger, Anakin began to see his Sith Master stood in front of him, and he could not resist the strong urge he felt to cut him down and destroy him. Immediately, Anakin ignited the red blade in his hand as he saw a figure approach him, his eyes burning Sith yellow.
Across the establishments, Obi-Wan had felt his former apprentice's distress through the Force. He instantly exited his living quarters and followed Anakin's force signature, which he was disturbed to acknowledge felt very dark. As he entered the room, Obi-Wan found Anakin in great despair and confusion, holding his red blade in his gloved hand, clearly overcome with anger and hatred and torn between both sides of the Force.
"Anakin." Obi-Wan said to him simply, seeing his eyes and feeling the overwhelming torrid of emotions emanating from him.
"Get out, Obi-Wan!" Anakin warned as he felt his anger surge, as the sound of Sidious' cackling filled his mind.
"You must fight it Anakin. Fight the pull of the dark side." Obi-Wan told him as he took several cautious steps towards Anakin.
Anakin tried desperately to reach into the Force, wanting to stop the images and voices he was drowning in. But he was only greeted with more darkness, and he felt himself being pulled away, deeper into the darkness. "I can't." Anakin said weakly.
"You must, Anakin." Obi-Wan insisted. "I cannot lose you again. Padmé cannot lose you again. Your children cannot lose you again." he added, knowing what a powerful influence his family had on him.
At his words, Anakin felt a strong wave from the dark side wash over him. You have already lost them. You killed them on Mustafar, or have you forgotten about how you choked your pregnant wife to death. The wicked voice told him as the memory of Mustafar was pushed to the front of his mind. Unable to take the pain of the image, Anakin dropped to his knees and shouted, "Stop. Make it stop!" he pleaded desperately.
Having awoken to find her husband absent from their bed, Padmé put a robe over her nightgown and ventured out into the hallway. Her first instinct had been to check the office but was disappointed not to find Anakin there. Padmé furrowed her brow as she walked slowly down towards the gymnasium, where she knew Anakin and Obi-Wan spent many hours training. But surely not at this hour, Padmé thought to herself as she heard shouting coming from the room at the end of the hallway. Recognising the voice as her husbands, Padmé hastened her pace and ran towards the gymnasium. The sight that greeted her made her heart sink as she rushed through the doorway.
Upon hearing her, Obi-Wan turned around to face her and said, "Stay away, Padmé."
Anakin too had sensed the presence of his wife, but he was too engrossed in his mental torment to differentiate between what was real and what was a creation of the Force. Padmé was shocked to see the glowing yellow eyes of her husband staring at her as he stood from the hard ground. "I killed you on Mustafar, Padmé. I choked you in anger because I believed you had betrayed me. I killed you and our children, and I have been tormented by that knowledge for more than eight years, and I will never forgive myself." Anakin professed.
Do you remember how much you feared losing her my servant? You were willing to give up everything and do anything you could to save your wife from certain death. Tell me, how did it feel to lose her anyway? Memories of Palpatine's torturous words flashed in his mind, as the pain Anakin felt only continued to intensify.
Obi-Wan could immediately feel the dark presence rising within Anakin. He took a step back, standing in front of Padmé and said, "Anakin. The dark side is trying to twist your mind. It is using your guilt and anger for the past against you. You must fight it."
Padmé could not hide the fear in her eyes, as she remained transfixed on her husband, her body frozen in place and tears coming to her eyes. "Padmé, Anakin is almost in a Force trance right now. The Dark Side is fighting to consume him. I do not know what he is capable of. You need to leave." Obi-Wan instructed her, turning his head so his eyes met hers, but also so he didn't take his attention completely off Anakin.
Padmé felt her heart break at her friend's words, as she continued to look at her husband. As he stood in front of her now, she was very much reminded of the way he looked on Mustafar. "Anakin." Padmé stated, her voice breaking as his name left her lips.
Anakin remained focused on his wife. Despite his heart fighting to convince him she was real, his mind screamed otherwise. The dark side whirled around in his mind, and he couldn't help but believe that the image of his wife before him, was being conjured by the Dark Side. Anakin swirled his crimson blade in his gloved hand effortlessly and shouted, "Why do you continue to torture me with your presence? Is that my punishment? My penance for what I did to you. That I have to see you all the time in my mind, knowing I killed you."
Obi-Wan could see the look in his eyes, and too was disturbed by the pain his former apprentice was going through. He glanced back at Padmé, seeing she had ignored his instruction to leave, but he knew that after losing him once, she would not just walk away from him now. "Anakin look inside yourself. Search your feelings. You know Padmé is alive. You did not kill her on Mustafar. The Dark Side is trying to manipulate you. It's using your guilt for what happened to convince you that you are alone. But you are not alone!"
Anakin heard his words but found he could not listen. His mind and body were overwhelmed, and he knew he was close to giving in to the temptation. "Ahhh!" Anakin screamed painfully, as he felt all his tension and anger being released through the Force. All around the room, glass shattered, and pieces of exercise equipment crashed to the floor. Huge clouds of dust engulfed the room, as the damage Anakin had caused became true. Obi-Wan ran to Padmé and tried to cover them both with his cloak, with limited success. He had not anticipated the scale of the damage that Anakin had been able to create with his mind, and they had both been pushed to the ground.
After several moments, Obi-Wan pushed himself up from the ground, relieved to see that less a few tiny cuts to her face and being covered in dust, Padmé was unharmed. He reached out and helped her up, as they both returned their gaze to the dark figure who remained standing strong in the centre of the room. Obi-Wan was unsure what to do. He knew he could not give up. He admitted that he had perhaps been overly optimistic and had neglected to acknowledge the impact that such a huge transition in the Force had had on Anakin. He knew that his former apprentice had been fighting some demons, but he had promised him that he would not fight them alone, and he was determined to keep that promise.
Anakin's blood-red blade remained ignited in his gloved hand, it's potential to end his suffering drawing him closer towards it. It was painfully clear to Padmé and Obi-Wan the danger that Anakin was in right now. He was not just in danger from the Sith, but from himself.
Padmé could no longer stand idle and watch the events that were unfolding. She could see before her very eyes her husband being consumed by the dark side, as her eyes remained fixed on the bright blade that remained inches from her husband's chest, it's threat to kill, steadfast. After all she had been through, after Mustafar and believing she had lost her husband, she refused to let it happen again. She had promised Anakin that he would never be alone again, and she was determined to keep that promise. Wordlessly, Padmé ran towards her husband, before Obi-Wan was able to stop her.
"Padmé, no." Obi-Wan shouted, fearing that Padmé was placing herself in danger. Obi-Wan knew how much Anakin loved Padmé, but right now he was not himself, and he knew it would break Anakin irrevocably if he was to hurt her now.
When Padmé reached her husband, she couldn't help the tears as they streamed down her face, upon seeing his yellow-tinted, pain-filled eyes. Instinctively, Padmé reached for Anakin's gloved hand and retracted his lightsaber, fearing he would hurt himself. Only then, once they were left in relative darkness did Padmé start to focus her thoughts, knowing she had to save her husband. She stepped even closer to him, so that her petite body was mere inches from his.
"You don't understand the pain I am in Padmé." Anakin choked out. "The fear and pain I felt knowing I was going to lose you. Words cannot describe the pain I have suffered the last eight years believing you died at my hand. I can't take it any longer." He professed desperately.
Padmé was broken by her husband's words. She knew that he had suffered from prophetic dreams and since the death of his mother, he had been obsessed with the desire to prevent his dream from becoming real, no matter the cost. But a part of Padmé was also angry with her husband. Whilst he had suffered more than anyone ever should in a lifetime, he had not been alone in his suffering. She too had suffered a lot at the hands of the Empire, Palpatine and even Anakin.
Padmé felt a sudden wave of desperate anger wash over her as she said, "I do understand your pain, Anakin. That day on Mustafar was the worst day of my life. It was not only the day I lost you to the dark side, but the day you turned on me. On that day, I thought that you had died with the belief that I had betrayed you, and that broke my heart. I was faced with living the rest of my life as a single mother, without the man I committed my life to, the man I loved unconditionally. I was faced with having to tell my children why they never got to meet their father. Anakin, I understand your pain more than you realise." Padmé admitted, not taking her watering eyes off her husband.
Anakin remained silent as he listened to his wife's words, and his head moved towards the ground in shame. He had no response to her painful declaration, as he realised just how much Padmé had lost because of his fear; because of the forbidden attachment he made to her.
"Padmé … I … I am so sorry, I just … I … I don't deserve you. I never did. Please. Forgive me. I love you so much. All I ever wanted was … was to keep you safe." Anakin admitted brokenly, struggling to string his words together.
She reached up slowly and took his face in her hands, her eyes never leaving his. "Anakin look at me. I am right here. I am not a ghost or a memory, I am alive, I am with you. Your children are with you, Obi-Wan is with you. You are not alone. You need to let go. You need to know that I forgive you. You need to abandon the dark side. I love you, Ani. Please come back." She pleaded; her face wet with tears, as she saw tears roll down her husband's cheeks.
Both were silent for a moment, but Padmé did not break her pleading gaze with her husband. Anakin continued to look at his wife, and he slowly raised his hands, so they rested on top of hers on his face. "Feel, Anakin." Padmé said softly. "Feel, I am real. I am alive." She whispered.
After a few seconds Anakin dropped his gaze from hers but moved his human hand to caress her cheek. "Padmé." Was all he said, clearly still disorientated from all that had happened.
Remembering Obi-Wan's words, Padmé said, "Anakin, you must push away the dark side. It is trying to convince you that I am dead, that you are alone. But you can feel I am here. You can feel the warmth of my cheek, the beat of my heart." She told him as she moved his hand to her chest, where her still rapid heartbeat could be felt.
Anakin closed his eyes, and simply focused on the beating heart of his wife. Within seconds he felt the pull of the dark side weaken, as he used his wife as a beacon of light, guiding him back. When he opened his eyes again, Padmé was greeted by bright blue eyes, the eyes of Anakin Skywalker, the man she loved.
Overwhelmed with emotion, Padmé cried, "Oh, Anakin. I thought I was going to lose you to the dark side again." Anakin wrapped his arms around his wife, unsure what else to do to comfort her, as he too was truly disturbed by what had happened and how close he had felt to falling back down into the darkness; forever.
Anakin studied his wife's features for a moment, seeing the clear signs of devastation and relief on her face. He moved his gloved hand to the several small cuts painted on her face, and then his eyes roamed around the dimly lit room. He suddenly realised, that in his Force trance he had caused all of this damage, and that it was also him who had injured his wife; again.
"Padmé, your face. I did all of this." Anakin said sadly, gesturing to the room around them. "You should have left. I could have seriously hurt you, and the baby." He added. "I would have never forgiven myself if …"
He was prevented from finishing his sentence, when his wife placed her finger on his lips softly and interjected, "I could never have left you Anakin. I will never leave you ever again. I cannot lose you again, Ani." Padmé told him.
Obi-Wan had allowed the couple a brief moment before he stepped towards them and said, "What you just did Anakin, is once again what no man has done before. You came face to the face with the dark side. It did everything it could to tempt you back, and you resisted. The dark side is a vicious and desperate world, and it used your greatest fears and biggest regrets against you. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for you. You truly have returned to the light. You truly are the Chosen One." He said, a small smile appearing on his face, as he looked upon Anakin with pride.
"I cannot describe what just happened to me. All I know is that I was shown memories from the past. I did things I will regret for the rest of my life. The dark side showed me things, things that make me hate myself and the Emperor. It twisted my belief of the present and tried to convince me of an alternative truth; that Padmé and my children were dead and had died at my hand." Anakin tried to explain, his mind still on fire from the torrent of abuse it had experienced.
"There was a time when I believed that it was my steadfast connection to the Force and devotion to the Jedi Order that kept me from being tempted to the dark side," Obi-Wan began, "And in some ways I still believe that to be true. But I can see that for you Anakin, your devotion to your family has saved you from the determined claws of the dark side. The love you have for Padmé is stronger than the power of the dark side, and that is a feeling that I don't think anyone will truly understand, it is unlike any other." Obi-Wan stated, looking at the couple who remained in one another's arms.
"I once told you that I would have given up anything in the Galaxy to be with Padmé, and I meant it. I was willing to sell my soul to the devil to save her from what I believed was a certain death. But now, I have had to fight selling my soul to the devil in order to still be with her. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, but I would do it a million times over, if it meant being with her." Anakin professed, kissing his wife's forehead, as an intense feeling of love and protectiveness for Padmé washed over him.
"Your love and devotion to one another is truly remarkable. You really are the Chosen One of the Chosen One, Padmé, and I cannot think of anyone more deserving of the title." Obi-Wan said with a soft smile.
Padmé had simply listened to both their words, herself overwhelmed with love and gratitude for pulling her husband back from the depths of darkness. "Thank you, Obi-Wan, for everything." Padmé told the Jedi Master, leaning forward and kissing his cheek softly.
Obi-Wan blushed a little at her gesture, but quickly regained his composure before saying, "I think we are all in need of some sleep. Tomorrow, I shall meditate on all that has happened, and see if the Force can provide me with any insight. But, Anakin, you should know, I am very proud of the man and the Jedi you have become. So, if you are both alright, I shall bid you both a goodnight, and may the Force be with you, both."
"May the Force be with you too, Master." Anakin stated, "And words cannot express my gratitude. I am in your debt." He added, before the Jedi Master turned and left the room, heading back towards his quarters.
Once Anakin and Padmé were left alone in the room, Anakin turned to his wife and leaned down to kiss her lips softly before saying, "Go back to sleep, my love. You need your sleep. I'm going to start cleaning up all of this mess. I don't want the twins to see this." He admitted, realising the scale of the destruction his mind had created.
Padmé shook her head softly and took her husbands hand and said, "Not tonight Ani. You need your sleep as well. I know how tired you are, and you haven't been sleeping well. I am not leaving here until you are coming with me."
Anakin smiled at his wife, not wanting to admit how exhausted he was, and how the trauma his mind and body had recently experienced had drained him. He brought Padmé's hand up to his mouth and kissed it softly and conceded, "Alright. I will get started on this first thing in the morning then."
Padmé smiled in response, happy that her husband had not put up a fight, seeing the tiredness in his eyes. The couple walked back to their bedchambers slowly, as Anakin continued to try and process what had happened to him moments ago. Parts of it were a blur, and he mostly just remembered the vividness of the torturous images and the voice of Sidious tormenting him. He shook his head slightly, wanting to forget about it, and knowing it was important that he focus on Padmé, because as always, she was the beacon of light in his life. He needed her.
"I just want to get some fresh air for a moment." Anakin told his wife, still feeling his body emanating furious heat, and wanting a chance to cool down.
Padmé nodded and released his hand, as he walked out to the balcony looking out from their bedroom. Anakin was relieved that his wife had gone back to bed, hating how much seeing him that way must have upset her. He knew that for his sake, she likely wouldn't confess that to him, but he felt guilt for it all the same. As he stood outside, he felt the cold night air start to cool his body, and he closed his eyes again, seeking peace and tranquillity. After several moments, Anakin felt slender hands encircle his waist. He did not open his eyes, but simply basked in her glowing, warm and comforting presence. She kissed his bare back softly and whispered, "We don't need to talk Ani. Just know that I'm here. I'm right here." Padmé wasn't sure if her husband wanted to talk about what had happened, and if she was honest with herself, she wasn't sure she did either. Seeing her husband nearly falling to the darkness again had been heart wrenching. She had seen his bright yellow eyes and believed she was going to lose him again, and there was nothing more that she feared in the Galaxy. But she had brought him back, and a part of her was proud that she had been the one to do so, that Anakin's love for her was strong enough to defeat the darkness. Right now, her husband didn't need her words, he just needed her presence, and that was exactly what Padmé would do.
Anakin continued to meditate, absorbing the soothing presence of his wife, who didn't break her embrace, but simply maintained her gentle, but reassuring hold. He found it incredible the power she had to change him. After a brief period of meditation with her by his side, he felt the darkness almost completely disappear. He did not feel consumed or even tempted by its presence. He felt at peace. Anakin opened his eyes and turned around to face his wife. Despite the coolness of the air, Padmé had stayed warm, enveloped in the heat of her husband's bare torso. Anakin kissed Padmé's head softly and stated, "Come inside. I don't want you to get cold."
Padmé remained still for a second and challenged, "Are you coming inside?" she asked.
"Yes." Anakin replied with a small smile, as he walked back inside with his wife, who got into bed and wrapped the covers around herself, wanting to remain warm.
Anakin didn't take long to join his wife in bed, as he too slipped under the covers and sought out his wife's body, wrapping his arms around her gently but protectively. He kissed her bare shoulder lovingly and said, "You saved me, Angel."
Padmé squeezed his human hand as it wrapped around her and whispered, "And I always will, Ani."
Anakin was silent for a moment and then said, "Promise me one thing, Padmé."
Curiously, Padmé turned around to face her husband, just being able to see the outline of his chiselled jaw highlighted by the moonlight. "What, my love?" she asked.
"Promise me you will always let me protect you and our children. It is all I have ever wanted to do." Anakin stated passionately, feeling now more than ever a burning need to forever protect his family from the Emperor and any harm that could threat them.
"I promise Ani. I know you will always be there for me and our children." She guided both their hands to her still flat abdomen before adding, "I love you Anakin Skywalker."
"I love you too Angel. More than I will ever be able to describe." He replied, as he closed his eyes and felt himself succumb to a peaceful slumber.
