Illusion is Reality
Chapter 143
-Honoring his past-
I bounced between Xin, Yun and Miz, just to be able to do something. I was getting stir crazy as Yun. Me as Xin checked on all my Islands, making sure the people were doing ok. I noticed a big change already. A lot of the homeless now had homes, I used Yun's money to buy out a bunch of small houses and used them as the secret entrance to some of my Islands. I allowed the people to 'rent' out a room in the house, so they could use it as their address. And truthfully, they were living on the Island for free, I just wanted them to be able to use the address so they could get a job.
How stupid was it, that you couldn't get a job without having an address? And yet, I would hear people complaining about how the homeless should just get jobs. Well, they fucking can't you morons! Not easily at least. There weren't many places that hired you if you couldn't give proof of a residency.
I stayed in my dragon form around these people. I liked being bigger than them. Because not all of these people were… easy to deal with. There was a lot of anger here, anger at the society that failed them, anger at the people who threw them out. I told them that they were free to live here as long as they wished, so long as they did not harm anyone else living here. No attacking, no harassment and no touching without consent. That last one was an issue. I told them that this was a safe place, and if they made it unsafe for the other people here, there would be problems. I didn't want to threaten them, so I simply told them that if they did break any of the rules, they would be sat down and a Care Unit would explain what they did wrong and that they shouldn't do it again. And if the person they hurt is uncomfortable with them living nearby, they would be moved to another Island.
Frankly, I hated all this. I hated having to govern them. If I had my way, everyone would just get along and I could go along my merry way. But I had so many responsibilities now, and they ate up all my time and energy and I was just… too tired to really do anything for myself. Yun was stuck carrying the kids so she couldn't go off and be Weird or have Fun. Miz was taking care of her siblings 24/7 since they were all in quarantine (she didn't mind, she loved playing with them, but they were far too young for some of the games she wanted to play). And I was stuck making my rounds of all my Islands, checking in on everyone to see if they were getting along (and stopping fights that inevitably broke out, even if I gave everyone here free housing, there were still people who complained about having to work the farms, or help keep the island clean. Seriously, this was a community effort! I can't have the Care Units doing everything! They had rights too!)
Part of me just wanted to banish the people who were causing problems, if they can't keep their hands to themselves, they should leave. But throwing them out would be cruel, especially when they had nowhere else to go. But seriously, the amount of disrespect I was getting here was starting to annoy me. (Though I guess I had to give them some credit for having the balls to talk back to a literal dragon.)
Should I be more stern with them? I didn't want to scare them. But I was getting so stressed out trying to handle these problem people. I ended up telling them that if the complaints keep coming in, they will have to be moved out to the actual apartment building I owned. Still didn't have to pay rent, but they would have to get their own food and internet. That… was apparently enough to get some of them to fall in line. Wow. People these days.
Either way, I was too stressed out. I was tired of dealing with shit. I just… I didn't want to be stressed out. It was probably bad for the babies. I had to find some way to relax and get away from my responsibilities!
...I ended up putting my Care Units in charge, enhancing their bodies so they'd be strong enough to break up fights if needed, as well as giving them the authority to move the Islanders around, or even banish them after they got three strikes. These rules were made very clear. I was a dragon who was allowing humans to live in my territory. The Islands were mine, I created them, and if people weren't going to respect me, then they didn't deserve to live here. I felt bad for putting down these ultimatums. But how hard was 'don't hurt anyone and don't rape anyone' to follow? That was like… basic human decency! Anyway, I put the Care Units in charge, they've been learning a lot over the last year, so I was confident they could handle this.
...it wasn't just that I was being lazy, no, I had very good reasons for not wanting to do all this myself anymore.
...anyway, I felt restless and antsy and I just needed to DO something. Watching anime was relaxing, but I got tired of it after a while. I needed to move around, run, swim, fly-
I dove into the ocean, watching the fish swim away from me as I pushed through their schools. I just didn't want to deal with humans right now. I felt tired and unhappy. That sucked. So I swam. I swam and twisted and flowed through the water, scattering fish and passing all manner of other sea life. A large sea turtle drifted and even bumped against my flank. Jellys wiggled through the water. It was so peaceful.
I felt myself relax slightly. Down here, with the quiet and the calm. I settled onto a large rock, curling around myself. I just watched the sea life swim around, living their lives. I admit, I zoned out, just watching them. Almost fell asleep even. I mumbled out at a starfish nearby, "Hello starfish."
"Hello mister dragon~"
"How've you been, miss starfish?"
"Much better now that I'm living here and not in the much too warm oceans that are filled with pollutants."
I blinked sleepily. "Oh, that's good."
"You really should stop talking to yourself." the starfish scolded me lightly. "Peh." I rolled my eyes.
Then I felt something swimming close to me, settling down beside me on the rock. I blinked, when had I put my head down? I turned my head to see a seal. It took another second for me to realize who this was. Amelie! I grinned, leaning down to nuzzle her. She waved her tail before kicking off and swimming up to the surface. I followed her. It's been a while since I hung out with my Selkie friend.
'Hi Amelie!' I sent her telepathically. I saw her startle a little before she barked and sent back, 'Oh cool, you can do that?'
'Of course! I'm a super special alien space dragon!' I bragged. I heard giggling from her. We dove back underwater, swimming together. 'So how've you been? I mean, besides going around being a mighty dragon god and such?'
'Stressed.' I told her honestly. After that summer of fun, I had to be more 'serious' and actually try to deal with the issues in this world and my own. And it's been nothing but stress. I don't want to deal with politics. I don't want to be responsible for the lives of strangers. I hate it. I hate all of it. But I also hate doing nothing. So it was just an endless feedback loop of stress and anxiety and guilt. Because I wanted to help people, but I didn't want to be responsible for it all.
I babbled this all out to her and Amelie swam over to cling to my back as I continued swimming aimlessly. And finally, she snuffled. 'Then just don't.'
'But-'
'Nope.' she slapped her flipper (arm? I know it's her arm, but she's a seal, what do I call that?) up and down on my back. 'If it makes you upset, don't do it anymore.'
'But this is important-'
'If it makes you upset, don't do it anymore.' she repeated, slapping me with her flipper again. 'Other people can help out too, you're not alone. And if you're busy being stressed and unhappy, you won't be able to get anything done anyway.' she leaned closer to me, her little seal face scrunching up. 'How long have you been stressed?'
I groaned. 'A long while, ok? It's… not that big of a deal.'
Amelie kicked off from my back and swam up to the surface again. I followed. I poked my head up above the water to see that we made it to a small island in the middle of the ocean. I made a bunch of these for a variety of reasons. Like giving the Selkie and Merfolk places to hang out. I know that some of them have been using my Island areas now and then.
"It IS a big deal." I heard Amelie's voice and glanced over to see her seated on the rocks, her seal skin folded neatly in her lap. "You don't have to be the one to fix everything. It doesn't matter if you're an all powerful dragon god. If it's stressing you out, then don't do it."
"I take breaks!" I protested, shrinking down into my humanoid form as I took a seat beside her. "And how many of those breaks have you had recently?" Amelie raised an eyebrow.
"I had a boys night out with my friends, I'll have you know." I huffed. She leaned back, humming. "And right now? You don't look too well, no offence."
"Huh?" I patted my face. Did I look weird? Did I look sick? I bent forward to peer into the water at my reflection. No… I looked like my usual handsome self. "What do you mean?" I asked, unable to find anything wrong with my appearance.
"Your magical aura, I suppose." She stared at me. "Or rather, the melody around you, it's not as vibrant." Her fingers were curled around her skin.
"You can see that?" I asked before face palming. "Of course you can, you've got your skin right there." Meaning she had access to her magical abilities. Such as being able to sense my energies. Then I did a double take. "My melody?"
She nodded. "I can hear it. The melody from within you."
"Look, the Numa Numa song is just really catchy and it's still better than having no music whatsoever-"
"The numa-what?" Amelie frowned at me. "No, that's not what I meant." She pouted. "You're stifled. You're suppressing yourself, what's wrong? You were more vibrant that summer, heck I noticed even without my skin, though I hadn't realized what it was that I was feeling until later."
I sighed, leaning forward to play with the water, trailing my hand through it. "I don't know. I've just been feeling kinda awful. I mean, maybe it's my pregnancy, maybe it's the quarantine, maybe it's from having to do things in a way that my human family approves?"
"Pregnancy?!" She gasped. She sounded more surprised at the fact that I didn't tell her sooner than anything else. I shrugged. "One of my other vessels is carrying them. She's really bored since she can't really do much." Also, I was still terrified of the whole… being pregnant thing. Parasites in my belly and all, but it wasn't actually as gross as I thought (if how horny Yun was feeling most of the time meant anything. Yeesh. I was hiding it from Ford, since I didn't want to make him uncomfortable with how much I, as Yun, was masturbating while he was off at work. Like, I had trouble moving around so I was lazing in bed most of the day, so why wouldn't I just masturbate?) I shook these thoughts off. "She's asleep right now, so I'm here."
"Oh. Well. Congrats." Amelie told me before getting back on topic.
"Maybe you should stop trying to be human." Amelie pointed out. "You're a dragon after all."
"I was human once. And I still kinda feel like one, sometimes." And following human rules and stuff was a 'good' thing, right? I mean, they didn't apply out in my own Set, but the whole… trying to be a better person and not just killing people for defying me thing was… I mean… ugh. I don't even know. My powers have been hungering to actually go off and do what they wanted. And that was to show people the consequences of disrespecting me. But transforming people into furniture until they apologized was apparently 'wrong' so I've been holding myself back on that. (I still wanted to kill Shlump. Or at least mess with him. But apparently I'm not supposed to attack the president, even if he deserves it.)
"Ok, what's bothering you, right this moment?" Amelie broke me out of my thoughts.
"Truthfully? The fact that people who don't give a shit about the lives and happiness of others, are the ones in charge of everything." I pouted. I was still slowly trying to replace Council members in the Federation back home. I know I'm being impatient, but I wanted change NOW. And since I didn't want to just straight up start a war, I have to go all sneaky like. (I used to be ok with going slow. Up until my hesitance led to Pynelope's multiple deaths. And yet, I was still too much of a coward to just destroy them all and just-)
"And what do you want to do about it?" Amelie rocked back and laid down. "I'm just saying, if I had the power you do, I'd probably just make it so my people didn't have to hide from humans anymore." she said with a far off look. "And the rest of us too, all of us." she frowned. "We live on this planet too, but we've been pushed farther and farther because of humans, and having to hide all the time is…" she sighed. "I mean, I have it easier than some of the other species, since I can pass as human."
"Well, the people in Gravity Falls are pretty open, but I get what you mean." I laid down on the rocks beside her. "I want to reveal the supernatural to the world, and have everyone get along. But I don't know if that'll happen."
"Eh, humans can't even get along with each other, much less several thousand other species." Amelie huffed. "Your human family is special. I'm not used to having so many humans perfectly fine and friendly with a non-human."
"I know. It's why I love them so much." and why I don't want to disappoint them, in case they might start to dislike me, just like they disliked Blue once they got to know him. Then again, I'd like to think I wasn't as much of an asshole as my brother. I grimaced. I know I've been holding back, keeping my wacky Weirdness on a lower setting ever since I realized just how much Blue bothered everyone. I didn't want them to...
Was it bad if I was afraid of my family not liking me anymore if I didn't live up to their expectations? It was probably a bad thing. I shouldn't worry about that, but I did. I don't know. I just felt restless and unhappy, and there was an itching under my skin. I was using up my Weirdness to incubate the babies, but it just… wasn't enough. Even when I was drained and tired, I still felt itchy.
"Seriously Xin, what is it that you want to do?" Amelie turned to face me. "From what I know from when we hung out, you like to run and play and swim and sing and eat new foods."
"You make me sound so simple. And you're absolutely correct." I laughed. The laughter didn't last long. I quieted and sighed, slumping in place. "Sometimes I want to burn everything to the ground."
"Probably not a good idea." Amelie responded blandly. "Maybe stick to burning trash or something."
I perked up a little. "I have wanted to do something about the trash problem." On my Islands, there was a magical trashcan that people could throw stuff into, where it would be disintegrated back into their elements. Maybe I should go and do something with the rest of the landfills and other things? Would anyone be upset if I cleaned everything?
"Well, you're looking a little happier." Amelie grinned. "Gonna do some trash disposal?" she paused. "You have weird ideas on what's 'fun' you know that?"
"Hah! Other people just don't understand the satisfaction of making things clean!" I rolled to my feet, brushing some of my wet hair away from my face. "I'm sure." Amelie grinned. "So, what are you planning to do?"
"I wanna burn things." I said honestly. I stretched, intertwining my fingers with my hands stretched all the way up and then leaned backward until my spine popped. Oooh that felt nice. I shook my hands and turned to Amelie. "Wanna come watch me burn shit?"
"Sure, I got nothing going on today." She shrugged, folding her skin up smaller and tucking it under her arm. "Just gotta hide my skin first."
"No problem. Here…" I raised my hand with my index finger extended. "Er… would you mind if I cast a little magic on you?" I remembered to ask. "What for?"
"Giving you a personal sub-space for storing your skin, which no one can steal from." I told her. Amelie's eyes widened. "Really? I-if you can actually do that..." I poked her forehead and she shivered as my powers swept over her. "Just hold your skin and think about hiding it." I instructed. It was a simple enough Curse. She stared at her skin and made a delighted little sound when it vanished. And then reappeared. Then vanished again. "Oh, this is- I don't have to worry about losing it now!" her eyes were wide as she stared down at her hands. She sounded almost breathless as she turned her head back up at me, an intense look in her eyes. I wasn't quite sure what that emotion was.
"I can teach you the Runic version, so you can teach your people how to give this spell effect to themselves." I told her cheerfully. Amelie gasped, a hand coming up to brush her lips before she nodded rapidly, "Oh that- y-yes! Yes please!" We sat down and I gathered up some sand to draw the symbols into. "The main symbol for this is Perthro, denoting the act of hiding something." I drew onto the sand. "As well as Algiz for protection purposes." I drew beside it, close and almost entwined together with the other. "And an Othala to tie it all together, for Ancestral culture." I made a larger surrounding the other two. "Since you're all magical beings, you can power the spell yourselves without having to invoke any deities for it." I finished it off with some stabilization runes around it, completing the design.
Amelie nodded, drawing the symbol I made over and over, muttering the names of the runes as she did so. "Is this right?" she asked me, sounding quite anxious for my input. I gently corrected her lines. "A bit of distortion is fine, as long as the shapes are in the right locations." She went back to tracing the symbols. I nodded once she had it right. "Just trace this symbol on your hand to activate the spell. Well, you can activate it at will, since I placed the effect on you permanently, but for anyone else, that should work fine."
"This is amazing. Thank you. Thank you, Xin." Amelie told me with great emphasis, clapping her hands together and tilting her head back. "Um, you're welcome." I wasn't used to being thanked so profusely. It felt weird. Not bad, but it was weird. She traced the symbol on her hand, finding that it still worked even though she didn't have to do it. "Have you considered being a teacher?" she asked suddenly.
"I have, actually. But I don't have the patience to deal with people for long periods of time." I sighed.
"Well, what about that… er… online stuff? Where you just make educational videos?" Amelie suggested. "I know Max has been watching a lot of those, he sent me and Mermando a few of those."
I snorted at the idea. Then I paused. "Ok. Yeah… maybe? I mean, it'll be something I can do?" I gave her a smile. "Thanks, by the way. For listening to me complain and trying to help." Amelie shrugged. "I mean, I like having this excuse to hang out with you again. You've been too busy to really call us." she pouted. I winced. "Yeah, I'm sorry. Too many social groups to keep track of." I groaned, wishing everyone could just be together in one place so I didn't have to keep track of them separately. But everyone had different lives, so it didn't work like that.
"Hey, wanna come with me while I clean up the place?" I asked. Amelie rolled her eyes with a grin. "Watch the great dragon himself, clean trash? Sure~ I think I need my entertainment for today~"
Cheeky seal. I missed her.
I took a deep breath before breathing out a stream of blue fire. I was very careful to set the boundaries of what items it would burn and what items it wouldn't. For example, no living creatures or plants would be so much as touched by this fire. But plastic? It would be disintegrated back into their base atomic elements (Hydrogen, Carbon, Chlorine, Oxygen, Nitrogen, Sulfur...etc). Any energy that would have been released from the breakdown of these molecular bonds would be absorbed by me through my flame. The first flame was just to get plastics. I also threw up a shield when some of the trash mountain began collapsing in on themselves as the stuff underneath it was suddenly no longer there. I flicked my fingers to teleport any living animals out of there, floating in the air above it all. I twitched at how many rats and bugs there were. Ewww. I lowered them back down, resisting the urge to kill the bugs, and strode towards the remaining trash pile. I was in California right now, since it had one of the most landfills of any state, along with Nevada, Colorado and a couple others. It wasn't that those states produced so much trash, no, it was because other states would pay money to ship their trash to be dumped somewhere else. I think New York sends out the most trash to other states.
The bubble around me and Amelie kept out any germs and gas. The gas was the most dangerous part. Disgusting and toxic and I breathed out another shot of flame to burn it all up, producing no heat as I absorbed it all. Mainly, I wanted to get rid of the methane, because of how much heat it trapped. The hydrogen and carbon separated and I flicked my fingers to recombine it to create water using some of oxygen from the plastic, making it rain around us as I walked through the trash piles. Of course, I wasn't touching any of it, staying well within my sanitation bubble. I was in my humanoid form, with my tail and antlers out.
"Wow." Amelie commented, looking around at what I've accomplished within just a few minutes. "Seriously, all powerful dragon, huh?" she ran to catch up with me, surrounded by her own bubble. I straightened, brushing my hair back. "Of course! Something like this is child's play before my might!"
"And yet," she raised an eyebrow, poking my tail as it wagged around. "Your great majesticness is kinda ruined by the maid dress."
"Excuse you, the maid outfit is the HIGHLIGHT of elegance!" I huffed, ruffling my skirt. "And how am I expected to do cleaning without a maid uniform?" I folded my arms. Amelie burst out laughing. It's not that funny! Hmph! I ignored her disrespect (though when she did it, I was fine with it, because she was my friend and I knew she wasn't actually disrespecting me) and took a deep breath, preparing for the next wave. I was going for metal this time. And then glass. And then I would see what was left and figure out what to do next. Yeah, I realize a lot of animals have made their homes here in the trash, but… nnnngh… nope. They can just go somewhere else.
"Don't look at me like that." I scolded a nearby rat. "You shouldn't be living here anyway! There are perfectly good forests elsewhere. Not that it's safe for you there right now considering how many diseases you've probably picked up from living in human trash."
The rat gave me the most put upon look I've ever seen from an animal. "Stop that. I'm doing you a favor here." I huffed. I flicked my fingers and cleaned off any diseases and shit from that rat and all the other animals in the area. "No, I don't care if you've been here for generations, it's gonna be gone soon. If you still want to live here, be my guest. But it wasn't a good place for you." the rat didn't look any happier, though he did seem grateful for the fleas being pulled off. I had all the fleas in a bubble beside me, and after staring at it for a while, debating, I decided to let them live. As much as I didn't like them, they were still a food source for other animals, one of the few uses they had. The only issue with fleas was the parasites they carried, which I destroyed by breathing fire over the bubble of fleas before tossing it off into the pile of organic waste left over after I disintegrated all the non-organics. Ugh. I know I was kinda destroying the weird ecosystem that had formed in this trash heap, but I kinda stopped caring. I don't like this being here, and it wasn't all that good for the continued health and safety of either the animals or the humans (or the planet, as the high amount of methane was trapping an insane amount of heat) so I was getting rid of them.
There was so much space being used for landfill. It was such a waste. Especially the damn plastic. I looked around at the landfill which was now just rotting food and winced. Should get rid of that too, if it weren't for the animals that were kinda eating them. Again, methane. It was producing a lot. I got rid of all the methane currently here, but the rotting food was going to make more. Ehhh… didn't want those fungi and decomposers to starve though. Ugh. Fine, I'll leave them for now and go deal with the other landfills first.
I could hear a commotion from the humans working here as they watched blue fire spread around and just… disappear stuff. They didn't see me or Amelie, as my bubble was also a perception filter, but I guess they noticed we were here. No biggie.
If this ends up on the news, I know Ford would know it was me.
But I was reasonably confident he wouldn't have an issue with it.
"Well." I clapped my hands. "Time to head to the next trash heap."
"Wait, how many more are there?" Amelie stared.
I hummed in thought. "I mean… do you want my estimate of the exact number? Or ALL places where humans dump their trash? 'Cause this one here," I gestured to the area around us, which was much emptier now, "Is an official dump. There are plenty of unofficial dumps as well." I took this time to examine the new layer of 'soil' on the ground, made of carbon dust among other elements. Hm. That was why I made the water, it was kinda sludgy right now but I was hoping it would help dilute and sink into the ground, enriching the soil? Eh… didn't want the place combusting if the dust was dry and picked up by the wind. What? It's not like I have trauma about this kinda shit or anything.
"...I know humans made a lot of trash, but I didn't realize it was this much." Amelie frowned. "Hey, could we work on the ocean trash after you finish the land trash?"
I was buzzing with energy right now, and I felt pretty good right now with even just this level of 'destruction' so I was pretty happy to agree to that.
(I remembered how Ax had told me I was Death. I keep forgetting that. But now, seeing how happy my powers were to strip the energy from molecules and reduce them back into their base elements… I wondered if this was part of it? I could even go further in the disintegration process and strip the elements of their protons, neutrons and electrons, and even further down to convert it back into pure energy with no mass. I did the opposite all the time when I was 'creating' things from scratch. And I dispersed my vessels by breaking down their physical mass back into pure energy and reabsorbing them. It just came naturally to me. Was that due to what I was?)
(And in my own Set, where everything was made from me, how easy would it be for me to disintegrate everything and absorb it all back into myself? Or would it just make me explode again, restarting the universe from the beginning and doing this all over again?)
(Was that the point? Was that what I was meant to-)
"Xin?" Amelie came over and tapped my arm. I blinked, she looked a little worried. "Are you tired? You should take a break."
"I'm fine, just… thinking." I shook the thoughts away. Amelie opened her mouth but was interrupted by the humans nearby screaming and running around like they had lost their minds or something. One was falling to his knees and throwing his arms into the air. Wow. Were they ok? Was this my fault? Oops?!
"Alright, next trash heap it is." I flushed, taking Amelie's arm and Blinking away.
"I think they're crying." Amelie deadpanned.
"Humans do that sometimes." I waved off. ("THE END IS NIGH!") "They also do that sometimes. It's not important." I strode through the crowd of humans, unseen and unheard. Untouched too, I didn't want them touching me. Thank angles for shields. Didn't think the homeless living here would freak out so much at the fire around them, and the trash disappearing. I mean… They could go live at my Islands? I even made sure not to touch anything they'd seen as their own belongings, including some of the metal parts that they'd repurposed into their own make shift homes. I even fixed them up so it wouldn't collapse on them. I even took the time to heal them of any illness or parasites in their system. You're welcome. I worked really hard on this!
The fire died down and there was more crying and people falling to their knees. Some were staring blankly up at the sky. Amelie raised an eyebrow. "You like messing with humans." it was an observation, not a question. I made a guilty wince. "Don't tell anyone." I really liked messing with people. But that was a bad thing, I shouldn't be doing that. But I really really liked doing it. (I would have to punish myself later for this.)
"I mean… you didn't hurt them?" Amelie shrugged. I shook my head. "No, not physically. But I think this counts as a mental attack? I mean… the humans would freak out a bit and then get over it once they realized they weren't hurt, right? I sighed. "I'm never going to get better, am I?"
"What's so wrong with messing with humans?" Amelie blinked. "I mean, some of my friends mess with the human fishing boats or steal their supplies to play with." she glanced over at the humans who were now wandering around, staring at everything in a shocked stupor. "And I know I've knocked over the occasional kayak."
"Yeah but… I'm much more powerful, so when I mess with people, it's more… dangerous." I sighed. Amelie patted my shoulder. "Xin, are you trying to hurt them?"
"...no. But seeing them freak out… delights me. I know I could do this without messing with them, but I like getting a reaction from people." I sat down on a now cleaned car that had been made into someone's home. Amelie sat beside me. "You like getting a reaction?"
"I like being noticed." I admitted. "I want attention sometimes. Up until I don't want it anymore. Up until I want people to leave me alone and I want to hide away from everyone. It's really dumb." I hated how my feelings on things could change so easily. Linda told me to think about it like having a meter inside me for social interaction. And once it was full, I would need to be alone until it depleted. She said it wasn't anything strange, that most people had this sort of thing. I still felt bad though.
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with that." Amelie turned to watch the humans again. "I don't know how it is for dragons, but for me? I rather like being around only certain people."
"Like me?" I pouted. Amelie laughed so hard she was snorting. "Yes, you're one of those people." she nudged my side. "Silly dragon. You know, you need to give yourself more credit. I mean…" she leaned back against the windshield of the car we were on. "I was pretty bored and lonely, being at that hotel without any of my friends. And I wasn't confident enough around humans to try and talk to anyone." she scooted over, leaning against my shoulder. "I've told you before, I'm happy you decided to talk to me. It might have just been a whim or you being friendly or whatever, but I'm glad you did."
"I wasn't messing with you." I pouted, almost sure she was misunderstanding something. Amelie just laughed. "Nah. I'm just saying that you're not a bad person, despite what you think. Sure, you're messing with the people here, and sure, you enjoy it. But you're not doing this to hurt them, just to have fun and prank them." she paused. "I don't think messing or teasing people is an issue in and of itself, ya know?"
"Hm." I still felt like the problem was that my pranks could go much further than anything a person who didn't have the power to alter reality could do. That was the problem here. Being powerful enough that anything I did could potentially be dangerous. Wasn't that how it worked? If I was capable of hurting people, then I was a problem? I don't even know anymore.
"What if I could strip away my power… or limit myself so I was just like a mortal while I'm here?" I wondered. Amelie looked at me askance. "I'm almost entirely sure that would be a terrible idea." she deadpanned. "Don't do that. You shouldn't get rid of your power, heck, if I could be as magically potent as you, I'd take that in a heartbeat."
"...why?" I had to know. Amelie huffed. "Well, since you're so strong, you probably don't notice it. But survival is hard. There's danger everywhere, we could be killed at any time. Being as strong as you… well, it would be nice to be able to feel safe." she admitted. I thought about that. "I suppose, but it's also… I mean… it's scary sometimes, to think about how easily I could hurt people."
"Well, you haven't done it. So I think you're better at self control than you think." Amelie butted her head against my shoulder. "Heh." I scratched my nose. "You only know the me of now. I was a really out of control loose cannon when I was younger."
"And the you of now is a good person. Don't go trying to limit yourself, or strip yourself of what you are. 'Cause I like you. I don't want you getting hurt if you actually tried to make yourself all weak or anything."
It was still hard to really accept that I could be a good person. Amelie didn't know about how many people I've killed, or all the terrible decisions I've made. But I still felt a little better. "...I guess."
We sat there, side by side, just enjoying the moment. And ignoring the humans running around. "Well. I think we can go clean the ocean now, just to take a break from the screaming." I noted. Amelie nodded. "Yeah, probably a good idea."
I wasn't even touching trash island yet. There were more things I wanted to get rid of. I know most of the floating trash ended up on trash island, carried by the ocean currents, but there were heavier things that wouldn't be swept up. Lots of discarded nets and such. And bombs. So many bombs. Well, underwater mines really. Actually, this brought up the fact that there were waaaay more harmful things being dumped on this planet than what I could find in just the trash heaps. But finding them all would be difficult.
Well, as much trouble as that would be, it was actually very calming, just breathing out fire and breathing in energy. Almost meditative.
Amelie swam beside me, back in seal form and playing among my flames. The planet was huge, I couldn't get to everything unless I grew myself larger than the planet and just blew flame over the whole thing all at once. But I think people would panic if I grew that big. Also, humans would definitely notice and Ford still didn't want to reveal me to the world. For safety reasons.
Well, whatever, this gave me something to do that actually made me feel better. A little bit of acceptable destruction. I might actually stop after I finish this here, so I would have something I could 'destroy' at a later date because I needed it. Hell, I didn't even realize how much I needed this until I started doing it. Something in me finally settled down, I wasn't agitated and unhappy anymore. It… felt great.
"You feeling better?" Amelie swam up to bump my side with her snout. I chuckled. "Yes. This was a good day."
Maybe…. I've been trying too hard to be 'good' and it wasn't healthy for me?
Would suck if that was true. I didn't like being 'bad'. Even if I was the villain in this story. But I still wanted to be on good behavior. I… don't know.
Like everything in my life recently, I didn't know. The stuff I wanted to do, the stuff that made me feel good to do, was stuff that I shouldn't be doing.
Messing with people. Teasing them, pranking them. Destroying things. Transforming things and people around me, twisting them to my will. Those were bad things. But they were so much fun.
...so I would keep this as something I did in secret. Or at least, limited to stuff that was approved. As much as I'd love to go wild and fuck with everything I was unhappy with. I was so used to doing that, most of my life, once I had the power to fight back. But after being able to throw my weight around for billions of years, I was given a full stop scolding. I was told that it wasn't good to do that anymore, by people whose opinion I actually cared about. And now I was trying to figure out how to dial myself back and find some new way to express myself.
I was an all powerful demon god. And it was scary to think about, when I realized what it actually meant.
I wonder if that's why I liked Ford so much, since he has no issue with trying to overpower me.
Like, I'm still uncomfortable with people trying to capture or bind me, but I know Ford doesn't want to do that. But he does want to wrestle. He wants to come out on top during our scuffles and he's unafraid of trying to 'defeat' me of 'fighting' me. And not in a bad way. He wanted to defeat me without hurting me. It was less of him wanting to capture or lord over me so much as pulling me down to his level. As equals. He didn't want to hurt me, he just wanted to be with me. He wanted to defeat me without wanting to kill or hurt me. And...
...it excited me. It delighted me.
He could make me feel helpless without making me afraid. Because being powerless before him didn't mean I was going to be hurt. And it was refreshing. Being pinned down with him above me, looking so triumphant and proud of himself… well… it sent a wonderful tingling feeling all up and down my body. The thing with Ford? He stood up to me without belittling me. He criticized me without making me feel stupid. He thought there was something wonderful in me, something worth loving. Something more than just a powerful friend who would move heaven and earth for them if they asked for it. Someone who was more than just a cool friend who was problematic, but you loved them anyway. He saw someone he wanted to be with, in the most intimate of ways. And I… I wanted to be able to live up to that. The romantic in me just… really wanted this.
And that's why I wanted it to work. I wanted us to work. I… didn't need Ford. But I wanted him.
"Xin?" Amelie settled on my back once I swam back to the surface. She had her skin folded up as she leaned against me. "What are you thinking right now?"
"How much I don't want my humans to not want me anymore."
"I think you shouldn't be putting so much energy into worrying about that kinda thing." Amelie huffed. "I mean, I get what you mean, your human family is great. I like 'em too. But whether or not they 'want' you shouldn't be all it is." she stood up, waving her skin away into her subspace as she climbed up my neck. "I think you should just be yourself. Do what you like, and if they don't like it, that's their problem for not appreciating you. Humans are humans. If they don't understand that us magicals just are. We have needs that humans won't understand." she patted my head. "And you're a dragon. Not a human."
"I was human once, in another life. I still have a lot of human traits."
"So? You're a dragon now." Amelie said plainly. "And even if you're still part human, you're also part dragon. And there are things you need as a dragon, that a human wouldn't understand." she put her legs over the side of my head as she sat with her back against one of my antlers. "Like, I'm a Selkie. I need the ocean. If I'm not in the ocean at least once a week I start getting antsy and stressed and it'll just get worse and worse until I'm back here." she looked out at the ocean around us. "Back home."
"Wanting to be near the ocean isn't the same as needing to destroy things." I muttered.
"You haven't seen what happens to people who try to stop a Selkie from returning to water." Amelie's voice sounded… odd. I glance up at her. "...you mean like when humans steal your skins to try and trap you with them?"
I felt her gripping my antler. "To steal a Selkie's skin is the worst thing you could ever do. That's…" she was hissing. "You're stripped of a piece of yourself. You're forced away from home and often times, the human who trapped you only did so because they wanted to use you-"
I was quiet. I knew all about the humans who would be drawn to the Selkie for their beauty or their voices, and would trap them. It happened a lot with the supernatural world. A lot of humans coveted magicals for a variety of reasons. People would 'catch' the fey in hopes of getting wishes or some shit. Or want to trap a unicorn to harvest their hair or blood. Or claim a kirin for a chance at kingship. Or hell, slaying a western dragon for their gold or claiming an eastern dragon for their favor.
...and for Selkie? Well, humans normally stole their skins in order to marry them. And all the awful implications of that...
"...you haven't seen what a Selkie would do to get out of that…"
"I can make a pretty good guess." I rumbled. "And I don't blame them."
"We're magicals." Amelie's voice was steady, an unnatural steadiness that could only come about from a suppression of rage. "And if humans can't understand that it means we don't work the same way they do, or how we won't just sit back and let them fuck us over like they do with everything else- fuck them."
"...have you lost anyone to a human?" I asked softly.
She was quiet for a while. "Not me personally. But one of my friends lost their grandmother. She did escape eventually. But it wasn't right. And if anyone ever did that do me, you better bet I'm going to fucking slit their throat after getting the location of my skin out of them."
She looked back down at me, "I don't think you understand what you've given me." she leaned down, staring into one of my eyes. "You've given me a way to stay safe, a way for me to teach my people how to stay safe." she breathed. "You don't understand what you've given me." she repeated. "Without even asking for anything in return."
"You're my friend. Helping a friend is fine. I don't require anything from you. Though… I suppose the 'price' is that you stay my friend." My powers didn't protest when I helped the people I cared about. Because they were mine. And of course I would help them, protect them, keep them alive. That way they could remain mine longer.
"There is nothing I could ever give you that would be payment enough for what you freely gave me." Amelie told me. I blinked. Oh, well then I don't know what to say. "It's fine. You're my friend. That's more than enough for me." she huffed, bapping my head. "This is why I say you're a good person."
"Helping my friends is entirely selfish." I rebutted, lowering my head and swimming slowly through the ocean. Amelie didn't get it. That was fine.
"So~ does that mean I'm part of your hoard?" Amelie commented, dipping her feet into the water. I snorted. A hoard of friends.
Okay yeah, that was pretty accurate.
"Yeah, I guess." I shrugged with a rippling motion.
"Then that makes perfect sense." Amelie nodded.
I snorted. Sure, if that works for her. I swam along lazily before I asked, "Hey, wanna watch me raid a fishing boat?"
"Do I?" Amelie laughed, flopping back into my mane. I cackled. Ah, was this called a 'bad influence'? Eeeeh~ whatever.
