(((((((((((((((((Warning for magical childbirth and breastfeeding.))))))))))))))
Illusion is Reality
Chapter 145
-Don't make me choose between my babies-
I've heard people say that giving birth was the worst pain a woman could feel. I would have to say that's not true. Exploding hurt worse if it was slow. Also runic binding stakes. But it DID hurt like shit. Wasn't the good kind of pain either!
It was a distracting kind of pain that made it really difficult to concentrate. And that sucked because it meant I couldn't just magic the kids out of myself. Ow! And there was no fucking way I was gonna push them all out! They were all tangled into each other anyway. I managed to focus enough to make my belly semi-permeable and pretty much screamed for Ford to just pull them out.
Which he did, looking about as grossed out as I felt right about now. The contractions hurt. But as he got the first one out, I could just feel the tiny bit of relief. The sense of being less full. And then another contraction hit and to be honest I don't fully remember all of it. I remember screaming at Ford to work faster. I remember demanding to hold my children. I remember holding them and feeling my heart ache at how beautiful they were. (Five fingers. Six fingers. Little brown tufts of hair. My blue eyes. Ford's brown ones. Small but strong, their Souls shining brightly. Their little Minds, new and curious and scared of everything they didn't know-) How much they screamed and complained about being out in the cold cruel world. (It's ok, I'll protect you. I won't let anything hurt you-) How I held them close and let them warm against me until they settled down. (Safe. You're safe here. With me.) I remember being absolutely exhausted and feeling rather light-headed from the blood loss. I remember cradling my children to myself, so small, they were so small.
And I remember when Ford suddenly froze and started sounding so shocked after pulling out the last one. I couldn't really see what was going on, the crying newborns made it even harder to concentrate than the pain of my contractions.
"Gimme the last one." I panted, I couldn't see them, not from where I was lying down. But I needed them. Give them to me. Give me my baby-
"It's… it's two last ones…" My eyes widened. What? And then Ford started sounding worried and… scared.
"Please…" he was doing something I couldn't see. "Please please pleasepleaseplease-" his voice started getting desperate. I felt a gnawing coldness begin to spread in my core. Oh no. What was- "F-Ford?"
"Pleasepleasepleaseplease-" Ford was sobbing now. And then I heard two new voices crying and the relief coming off Ford was so potent I could practically taste it through my Empathy Seal. "Oh god...you're ok…" Ford gasped.
I was still kind of reeling from what it sounded like… there was the youngest, and they almost didn't make it? I tried very hard not to panic at that thought. "Yun… they-they're fine...the twins are fine." Ford sobbed.
I managed to push myself up, I had to see what was happening. And then I laid eyes on the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.
Two shining souls, so close together they were practically fused. It wasn't a full on compound like Ammy, where they were thousands in one. It was two. But they were so close together, so similar in frequency that I hadn't been able to tell there were two unless I really looked at them up close. And after staring at their Soul/s, I blinked, finally taking in their outer form.
And my breath caught in my throat.
Two little heads, four little arms, two little legs.
"I wanna hold them." I demanded. My other six children pressed against myself. I had four arms, and they were so small. I could hold them all. For a moment, Ford seemed to hesitate, and I came so close to screaming at him to give me my baby, it scared me a little. And then he handed them over and I settled down, moving my hands so I could extent two and receive them.
Oh. They were lovely...
My children were already instinctively moving around, trying to get food. Ah, hungry little buggers, just like me. My breasts were aching from how full they were, I pulled them up to my chest, holding the others up with my powers as I had to free my hands to maneuver. "Come on, drink up…" They searched for my nipple. "No seriously, please drink it. I magicked them to make more milk and it's really heavy and uncomfortable. So you better empty them."
They wiggled, searching. "Come on. You need to develop your searching skills!" Finding food was the most important skill, I swear! Two boobs and eight kids just wasn't going to work, was it? I managed to get two of my older kids to latch on, the youngest ones were having trouble, kept getting in each other's way.
"Ugh… two boobs just ain't gonna cut it, huh?" The others were complaining since they didn't get to drink. "Well, since you're essentially a litter of kittens…" I focused, being able to now that they were all out and I managed to 'heal' myself to stop the contractions. Plus, shapeshifting myself always took less effort and thought than anything else. And I grew more boobs, all down my torso, like- "Oh that feels so weird." I grew more hands to hold and push my children against their new food sources. Had to give the youngest extra attention, they were struggling.
Only once they were all drinking properly, did I finally look around for Ford. He's gone over to the couch, probably 'cause the bed was covered in my blood and other fluids, and passed out. Poor dude. Well, I was just on my own to adjust the babies to make sure they were drinking right. Having to multitask all eight of them was hard. Sometimes one would get tired and just stop drinking, lying against me with their mouth coming off my nipple. Sometimes they would let go and just drool milk everywhere. Which was gross as hell, but I allowed it. I'll clean everything later. Sometimes, one would fall asleep, waking up after a few minutes to an hour to continue drinking.
In short, getting all eight of them fed and satisfied took hours of work. I could see the beginnings of sunrise through the curtains. And I was so tired. And sore, and sticky and gross and...
Ford was asleep, the babies were now asleep. I was here, exhausted but still awake and I couldn't sleep because I had to hold them, what if I squished them if I fell asleep like this-
...and I just felt lonely all of a sudden.
I was crying and I wasn't sure why. I slowly lowered myself on the bed, waving a free hand to clean myself and the sheets and the babies as well. Ford had wrapped them somewhat in the blankets, so I laid down and hugged my little burritos to myself. I was muttering assurances to them, as I stroked their little heads. I listened to their breathing. I felt their little heartbeats.
And I continued crying.
Mine. Mineminemine-
God I felt like shit right now.
I somehow managed to fall asleep, and despite my worries, I didn't roll over and squish any of my children. But with me laying down, chest in the air, the kids all woke at some point and managed to crawl somewhat to latch on again, sucking away ravenously. Ooof. If they all inherited my hunger, the multiverse was gonna have some problems. I was so tired, I kept wanting to go back to sleep, but the aching in my chest would wake me up again. I noticed Ford come back into the room, when did he leave?
And then I noticed he brought food! For me? Ohhh Fordsie you sweetie pie! I didn't want to sit up though, I was comfortable lying here. "Come on! Be a good billion year old demon!" Ford maneuvered me up, pushing some pillows behind me to hold me in a sitting position. I wrapped my many arms around my kids to stop them from falling off.
I remember thanking Ford and eating the sandwiches he brought. I was so tired.
"The kids need clothes." Ford told me. I blinked at him, oh right, I guess they did?
Ford gently pulled one of my babies from my chest. I allowed it, even as a part of me wanted to say, 'Give them back!'
"Hey, little one~ Let's get you some diapers and clothes shall we?" Ford cooed at them. I chewed on my sandwich. "That one's pink." I told him. I knew that as surely as I knew I was yellow. I glanced down at my children. I could see all their colors. And it was pretty funny. The shades were off, but they were close enough that I had a hilarious idea. I mean, I was going to have to name them. And with so many of them, I couldn't help but want it to follow a theme, you know?
"Well, this one's a male." Ford told me after he put a diaper onto the oldest of my children born today. "Hooray…" I was too tired to put more energy into it. Ford got the box of various onesies we got, and picked out a pink one for them. "This one's the first. Our firstborn." Ford smiled.
"Our~?" I felt myself perk up a little. Ford had told me that he wasn't going to be their father. His involvement in their genetics was an accident. But if he was saying 'our'...
And then Ford ran over to grab his journal and begin recording all this. What a nerd~
"And who's name are we listing for the parents?" I don't think he noticed my question, too busy giving a protesting 'pink' a look over before jotting down physical descriptions of him. And then Ford took another baby from my chest, giving them a quick check over as well.
"Purple!" I told him, just so he knew. Ford was making a very confused expression as he looked between their legs. Oof, I was getting flashbacks, but at least Ford wasn't touching anything, or sticking tools in there, or I might have to smack him.
"I...It's a boy...girl...birl goy…" Ford sounded so confused. Oh. "Intersex?" I deadpanned. "That's cool."
And Ford just looked so confused, wondering what to write for the 'sex' in his journal, which we would be then writing on their birth certificates.
"Intersex." I repeated. It wasn't that strange! Humans naturally came in a spectrum of sexual characteristics anyway! And I, personally, was a hermaphrodite in my triangle and William forms. I tried to explain this to him, but the sex ed in this world was really pretty shit, because Ford apparently didn't think he was allowed to write anything other than 'male' or 'female' for the sex.
"Screw the incorrect binary system. They're not computer programs! If they're intersexed, then they're intersexed." I growled, starting a whole rant about it. Ford flinched. "...alright…" I lowered my hackles, I didn't mean to snap at him. But seriously dude. You're a goddamn scientist who studies supernatural creatures. How was the existence of a sexual spectrum in humanity a hard idea to wrap your brain around?
Long story short, I got my way and had the child listed as Intersex.
The next baby was also intersex. Hah! We're beating all the records here! I told Ford that this one was 'green'. The next one, was… a bit of the surprise.
For one thing, while the rest of my babies looked like a child between Ford and I-as-Yun, this one looked like Xin. Ah, it must have been from when I-as-Xin picked up one of the Pieces back when it first broke. Interesting. The 'flavor' of my Weirdness was different between my forms. Cool.
And this child took after Xin, so… their physical body was half-dragon. Unlike the rest of them who were part Deva. Diva? It was pretty funny to think about how Jan-Jan (and Yun, as she was just a sex swap of him) had evolved slowly over the years into an actual species of his own.
Ford was freaking out over how I apparently gave birth to Xin's and his kid. I mean, artificial insemination is a thing? But dragons don't require male and female bio-sex organs for producing children. They just needed magic. So I was fine with having Xin claim this one, 'red', as his and Ford's kid. Ford even suggested for me to change 'red's appearance so she'd look like the rest of her siblings instead. Ugh. Ford, you just don't get it do you?
We continued on, the next one was 'turquoise' and she had heterochromatic eyes, like Zoe. It was cool, it meant that the gene for that came from Ford's side of the family, somewhere. She had six fingers on both hands, unlike 'pink' who only had them on one. The next kid was a 'blue' color. A dark blue, almost navy-like, as opposed to Blue's lighter azure. Or my Will's blue, which was like a deep blue sky. The same shade of Zach's aura, now that I thought about it. Made sense, for him to have the same color.
And finally, the runts of the litter, as it were. The loveliest babies I'd ever seen in my life. And they were yellow! A different shade from me, heck, a different shade from each other. One of them was more orangish. And as much as I loved how beautiful they were, I knew that the humans wouldn't see it the same way. They were conjoined twins. I frowned. If anyone tries to make them feel bad for being what they were, I would destroy them.
...life would be harder for them, I knew that. But I wasn't going to… what? Rip them in half? Even discounting the worry over using my powers to alter literal newborns, the conjoined soul was… well… I wouldn't be able to mess with it. Tearing a Soul out of a body without killing them? Relatively easy, if I'm careful. But tearing a Soul in half? Even if they were technically two Souls? A bit more… delicate. I didn't trust myself to do it without killing them.
Oh, they were just born and I was already worried about them. I tried my best to hide how anxious I was. The last thing I needed was Ford deciding I was too stressed to be allowed near my own children.
Introducing my kids to everyone was great. I also introduced my children to everyone. And the wonderful names I've given them! Invidia, Luxuria, Ira, Gula, Acedia, Avaritia, Vanagloria and Superbia. Yes, I named them after the seven deadly sins, with the twins being two variations of Pride.
Needless to say, the humans didn't understand the brilliance of how wonderful my chosen names were.
And after we finished the Zuum call and it was just me and Ford, I filled out the birth certificates. I couldn't help but write Lin-Pines as their last names. I mean, Ford had chosen their middle names, since he wanted to give them 'actual human names' as opposed to the elegant, wonderful ones I chose.
And I had a talk with Ford about this, about the kids. Our kids. He… he wasn't up for being a father. Didn't want the responsibility of being their father, considering he hadn't wanted to be part of this to begin with. He only meant to help me with making my own kids. Him being their biological father wasn't part of the plan. Not gonna lie, it made me feel a little disappointed that he didn't want to co-parent with me.
But he did say that it was due to how young they were and how he didn't trust himself to do so. But… he left it open to perhaps wanting to be their father once they were older. Maybe.
I tried not to get my hopes up too much.
And I introduced my children to Ford's friends. Poor Dr. Clark straight up fainted. I also got to prank Ford by having Xin come in with Gula and startle the scientists even more. (Dr. Wexler's jaw dropped. "You procreated with the dragon too?!") The look on Ford's face was hilarious!
More so when Xin and I tagteamed to talk about the wonderful night that made this all possible~
"We just got together, the three of us, and we did science." I nodded. Xin smiled, brushing his long hair behind his ear. "Oh yes. It was just SCIENCE for hours!" "So much science!" Yun added. "Like, more science than my body could handle."
"There was science everywhere!" Yun spread her arms to indicate just how much science was happening. "Spraying!" "Leaking!"
The expressions of their faces were amazing.
I, as Xin, leaned in to whisper, "He also does this amazing thing with his hands, like daaaaaaamn son~!"
...I think Ford is dying? He certainly looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him up. But he was feeding Vanagloria and Superbia (or as Ford called them, Jane and Emmy) so he was quickly distracted from his growing embarrassment. Meanwhile, I and the other I spun our little explanation of how we both knew about the other's 'pregnancy' and had come up with names for the kids together, and how Xin would be leaving Gula here because we had decided she should be raised together with her siblings. And of course Xin would be coming by very often to be with her.
And then I left so I could bring Ammy over to meet his siblings. I'll bring the others later, didn't want to overwhelm Ford. He really didn't like the idea of me moving my Friends into his house. Which was fair. He barely allowed Ammy, on account of Ammy being my son. But he wasn't allowed to live here. That was also fair.
"Awww! So when can we meet your babies?" Pyronica whined. "Probably tonight? I'll have to check with Fordsie about that." I gave her a hug. "I missed you guys."
"We missed you too, though… for us, it's only been a few days." Hectorgon pointed out. I chuckled, "Yeah, well it's been six months for me. Ugh. I'm so glad they're out of me. I was SO heavy!"
"Awww~ was Bill forced to touch the ground for six months~?" Teeth teased. I flicked my fingers and flipped him over onto his back. He laid on the ground cackling. "You were! I bet you had to walk like some land-dwelling being!" He snorted.
Keyhole carefully tugged on my hand. "How many of them are there?" he was grinning in barely suppressed excitement. Hey, he looked like he might pop a key any moment, with how giddy he was. I placed my hand on his head and pet him. "Well, there ended up be eight. Or seven and a half? Nah, eight."
""""EIGHT?!"""" everyone gasped. They stared at my lower bricks. "...how did they all fit?" 8-Ball asked, scratching his head.
"I didn't carry them like this, yeesh." I blushed orange. "I was in my Yun form. But yeah, eight was still a lot." My friends gave me sympathetic looks. Kryptos was fuming. I sighed. "Kryptos, I know you're not happy with this, but… as much as you hate Ford, please don't take it out on the kids." My words were spoken simply, but the underlying threat was still audible. Kryptos's eye widened. "What? No! Of course I wouldn't blame the kids for this! It's not their fault that human decided to put his DNA all over them."
I sighed. "Kryptos, I love you man, but you need to stop being so damn mad at Ford all the time. You're being a dick."
"...I can try." he muttered. I was just going to have to accept that. "Look, I'll bring you guys over to meet the kids slowly, in small groups. But I'm bringing Ammy first, since he gets sibling rights."
"Victory is mine!" Ammy raised his tendrils in the air.
"And Xanthar goes next. Because he's the best boi." I nodded. Xanthar gave me a thumbs up. "The rest of you… I dunno, rock paper scissors to see what order you get." the glint of competitiveness was glimmering in everyone's eyes (if they had any). "Well, you guys have fun, I'll be back soon." and I took Ammy's hand and dragged him into the Mindscape and through my Door.
Kinda funny how the unicorn barrier didn't keep Ammy out. Only me. And I easily vibrated onto a different frequency to circumnavigate that.
I made a humanoid vessel for Ammy to inhabit, and I confess, I might have made it look 12 because part of me wanted to be able to dote on him. Also, he was adorable~! And Ammy looked down at the vessel I made, and he nodded. "It is acceptable." he said in his usual tone before floating down into it.
Since his new vessel was meant to be 'Yun's son', he looked sort of like a much younger Jan-Jan. With multi-colored hair in the same shade as his blocks. Ammy flexed and moved his body, getting used to it. "So… this is what fingers feel like."
I introduced him to everyone, and Ammy was being his usual charming, wonderful self. Like poking Dr. Clark repeatedly once the man woke up from his faint. He gets that from me, I swear. I was holding Avaritia (Nicholas, as Ford calls him) in my lap. Ew~ he's drooling. I wiped it off.
"I dunno what they're gonna turn out like." Hell, I certainly still don't fully know what Ammy's like, "I'm sure they're going to develop powers, not sure what kind though." I raised Avaritia up and nuzzled him against my cheek. If I'm lucky, they'll only have simple powers. Or they might have something entirely new, like Ammy did. Fuck if I knew what all his blocks did. He keeps surprising me with new applications of his powers. Avaritia squealed and patted my face with his little hands. Ahhhh~ he's so cuuuuute! My babies were so cuuuuuute!
I heard Ford sputtering as Ammy tried to copy what his little brother was doing (patting my face) by patting Ford's face. Ford looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here.
So I hadn't really thought about it, but Ammy hasn't tasted things like a human before. But now he could, with his vessel's tastebuds. And here I was, watching him drink a bottle of milk, suckling away just like his siblings were, and I thought it was cute. Melody warned me about how Ammy was too old to be drinking from a bottle, but I didn't see an issue? It's fine, I'll give him a sippy cup instead.
Ammy could easily tell the difference between the formula milk and my own. He liked mine better, since he could taste my energy in them. And since Ammy mainly fed off my flames, I can see why he preferred mine. The issue arose when he ended up drinking a lot of the bottles. "You're a big kid, you can eat other stuff. Your brothers and sisters need it more." I scolded lightly.
"Then I shall return home, so that I will not be tempted by the milky goodness." Ammy watched me breastfeed his siblings. "Does it taste best coming from the source?" he wondered.
"I guess so? It'll still warm and stuff." I shrugged, feeling like all I was doing all day was feeding my litter of children. Whenever they were done breastfeeding, I would attach the breast pumps to get some of it stored in bottles so Melody, Soos or Ford (and Abuelita) could also help me feed them. The formula stuff worked to get them full. But it didn't satisfy them. They needed that bit of my Weirdness. It was uncomfortable. Ford told me he would work with Fiddleford to make a better method of milking me. I was excited for that.
"Can I also try drinking from the source?" Ammy asked, eyeing his siblings. I was about to agree, but Ford said "No. Definitely not." and I guess that's that? I didn't care enough to argue against it. And Ammy accepted that easily enough.
I didn't really get to do much with my kids aside from feeding them and magicking their diapers clean. And hold them. And sing to them. Ok fine, I was actually enjoying myself a lot. Being able to completely take care of people and not have them complain that I was being overbearing was… nice. I know it wouldn't last, they would grow up. And then they wouldn't need me anymore.
And it was a little sad to think about. But right now, holding these tiny, precious little beans… I pushed that thought away.
I planned to take my children back to my own 'set eventually. Once they were older and I could move them out of their bodies without hurting them. Or if I ever figure out how to do what Blue does when he folded Lee into himself by turning him into pure energy. I was still having trouble with that. Been practicing with inanimate objects and plants.
Objects were easy. Plants though… well, living things in general? That was hard. I've only seen Blue do it once, and it wasn't like I was able to contact him and ask for a play by play. I glared at the Door in my Dreamscape, and how it still didn't open. And the other Doors leading to brother's set also didn't open. And none of my texts were getting through to either mister Stan, or Mary.
Not even my blog posts and messages were getting though. Unless they were, and brother simply wasn't responding at all.
Ugh, I was getting unhappy. I pushed the thought away and focused on my kids. It's been a few days since they were born, and I was checking on their health constantly. Especially Superbia and Vanagloria. I need nicknames for them. Erbi and Gloria! Perfect! I was carefully scanning them over, two hearts… a shared set of lungs and digestional track… oh, I have to be more careful when feeding them. They didn't drink as much as the others to begin with, they tired easily, weren't as energetic as the others. I carefully monitored their breathing and heartbeats. By rights, they probably had a low chance of survival, but I know of conjoined human twins with two heads and personalities that have survived to adulthood, and I was going to make sure my children did. Part of me wondered if I could simply move them into separate vessels, but once again, that would require tearing their soul from their body, and there was no way I was doing that while they were so young and fragile. I'll ask them about this once they were older.
I heard some of the others fussing and I thanked my lucky stars I could grow extra arms. "Sorry, mommy didn't mean to ignore you." I placed the sleeping twins down against my leg, they wiggled closer to my warmth instinctively. "Ok, lets get the rest of you all fed."
I felt a little bad that most of my focus would go to getting the twins fed first. Sure, I had everyone else pressed against my nipples, but I was mainly just holding them there, they needed some adjustments too. I carefully checked each of them over, lifting and moving them as needed so they could drink more comfortably.
It's probably a good thing I didn't have to physically work a job. Ugh. How were human women supposed to do this? Being expected to feed their baby and work at the same time? I know maternity leave was a thing, but doesn't it only cover like ten weeks at most? That's like two months, there's no way a baby would no longer need to be fed after only two months! I know Melody breastfed Maria for over a year. At least I could still use my Com while feeding them.
I sent a few texts to my friends to inform them of how I'm doing, sending photos of the kids while I was at it.
...hang on...
So I could send texts and even make video calls through Sets. This was done by having the energy signals converted and transferred over. If this could be transferred so easily, couldn't I essentially 'text' myself over into another set? As long as someone was there on the other end to 'receive' me?
Could I use that to travel without going through the Void?
I wanted to test that. But not until I was done here. I reached a free hand over to squeeze one of my breasts. "Drink faster please. I got shit to do." I told Acedia. She was taking her sweet time finishing up. Invidia was done, lying on the bed half asleep after I burped him. Funny story about that, I wasn't sure if I should pat their back like a human baby, or shake them like a shape baby. In the end I just patted their backs and floated them up and down, almost like I was shaking them, with my powers supporting their neck and head as I did so. I had to be careful, too much shaking and they threw up. Ford looked horrified the first time I did it. Dude, I'm being careful!
Well they loved floating and spinning when they didn't just finish eating. I saw that Ira was finished eating, so I gently lifted her off my chest. She grumbled, but I kissed her cheek and laid her down on the bed, pulling the blankets over her. She relaxed, wiggling up to my side, like Luxuria did, and fell asleep. Ahhh~ they're so cuuuuute!
I caressed their hair as the ones awake continued drinking. "I wonder what you'll all be when you grow up? Fordsie worries about it. Heck, I'm kinda worried about it. But Whatever happens, I'm still going to love you. Alright?" They didn't respond, but that was fine. They were barely a few weeks old. That didn't stop me from giving them lectures about addition, subtraction and the letters of the english alphabet. I also tried speaking to them in Cantonese, in hopes they'd be able to pick up my native language.
And while I was sheltered in here with my newborn children, the world outside continued on.
I was purposely not thinking so hard about it. Because it was stressful. While Yun slept, I went out as Xin to invite more people to my Islands. Specifically, there was one Island I'd created for the purpose of giving free medical care to anyone who was sick. It was cut off from the other Islands, and had some of the scientists from the Center who'd volunteered to stay there for the duration in order to treat people and research a vaccine. The patients were all volunteers, the researchers were all volunteers.
I know Fiddleford had been feeling unsure about the ethics of trying out experimental medical treatments on people, but fuck it. They were willingly volunteering for it. This was how medical advancements happened! And at least on my Island, the patients were being told about what was going on every step of the way. Plus, my Medical-Island was sharing anything they learned with other hospitals and the Center. I crafted more Care Units to help run the hospital.
The Care Units couldn't get sick, as they weren't even technically alive, much less human.
I was shaken out of this thoughts by the exhaustion setting in.
Why was I so tired all the time? The kids were born, I wasn't spending that much energy, was I?
...just… stressed and tired all the time.
...can a being of pure Chaos even get burn out?
Then again, I haven't really been all that chaotic lately, trying to be on good behavior and all.
I haven't even pulled any major pranks in the last million years.
I was throwing my power around so it wasn't like I had any itchy build up, but something inside me was just so… unsatisfied. And it made me exhausted even when I was perfectly healthy. Everyday was just a routine. I wake up as Yun, I feed the kids. I feed myself. I nap so Xin can check on his Islands. Xin sleeps so Miz can take care of the household. Miz sleeps so Yun can feed my kids again. Each day blended into the next and it was...
...driving me bored.
Which was stupid! What did I have to be bored with? I got what I wanted! I have my lovely children, whom I love so very much and I still burst out crying sometimes when I'm holding them. I have Ford, being so sweet and supportive and giving me all the headpats I wanted. I had Zach and Zoe, I had… sort of had… Will… in a way…
I had a human family who loved me and cared about me and I was just-
Ford noticed something was bothering me, getting into bed beside me and pulling me close. "Yun? Are you alright?" I didn't want to tell him about my complaints, it would make it sound like I was ungrateful. Which I wasn't! I knew well how wonderful and lucky it was for me to have all the things I did.
So why was I feeling like this?
It wasn't even a recent thing. It's been happening for a while. Years and years. And I hadn't really noticed since I was working constantly. But I couldn't ignore it anymore. I was bored and unhappy and stressed and I just couldn't take it anymore.
And I couldn't tell Ford about any of this, what if he thought I was bored of him? His poor little heart couldn't take it. So I distracted him instead of answering.
Distracting Ford was easy. I simply made an Ames Window and put it up to spin continuously.
And while Ford was staring at it, enraptured, I fell asleep and slipped back to my own set.
I groaned, stretching and arching around, feeling my bricks settle into place. I missed being a triangle. I… I needed a break from my kids, from the routine of living with the humans.
...so what should I do?
I paced back and forth in my room, the penthouse suite at the very top of the Death Star. I didn't want to work. Like, I was bored! Working was the last thing I wanted to do! And I wasn't really in the mood for a cooking show right now. I just wasn't up for it. I growled, digging my fingers into the bricks around my eye. Why was this so difficult?
Like, what do I usually do for fun?
Watch TV. Well, I got way more of that than I ever thought I needed during quarantine. I wasn't about to just sit down again for yet another marathon.
Explore the multiverse?
I remembered having so much fun with that. With discovering new places, new species, new technology… or even just hanging out in a cafe somewhere and watching people go about their lives.
Yeah, that sounded like fun! I haven't done that in so long. Just… going out with the gang. Like, the bar-hopping and stuff was one thing, but that was a boys night out. It wasn't the same as a day trip to a craft fair, or museum or maybe finally going to the arcade I made a deal with ages ago!
I floated downstairs to find everyone. Making it to the base of the stairs, I looked into the livingroom and stopped cold. Keyhole and Teeth had piles of take out food cartons around them as they lounged on the couches. My eye twitched. Keyhole noticed me first, and his eyes went wide. "BILL!" He yelped, scrambling to his feet and grabbing the nearest stack of bowls. "You're back!"
I continued staring at him, not saying a word.
"We were JUST about to clean this up! Yup!" Teeth scrambled to his feet as well, lifting some trays. "We haven't left these here for a few days or anything-" ("Dude shut up!" Keyhole hissed.)
There was a groan and one of the piles of containers rose up and 8-Ball blinked sleepily at us. "What day is it?" he yawned. I sighed, burying my face in my tiny noodle hands. I leave for a few weeks and this is what they do? I reached out to begin picking stuff up too. "Are you guys alright?" I asked.
Teeth's jaw dropped. "You're… not mad?" he asked slowly.
"Well I'm a little annoyed, but you've all been pretty good on cleaning up after yourselves, so… did something happen?" I floated 8-Ball up so I could reach the boxes he was using as a bed. He was trying to wake up fully, blinking and shaking his head so much his eyes spun. "Uuhh, why do I feel like shit?" 8-Ball groaned.
"You've been visited by the scromble fairy." I deadpanned. "She takes your brain and leaves it scrombled."
"Bill, what the fuck?" Keyhole stared.
8-Ball gasped. "Nooo! My brain! I don't want it scrombled!" he clutched at his head. "Bill you gotta help me! How do I unscromble myself?!"
"Helping clean up is clinically proven to cure scrombliosis." I continued, still sounding utterly serious. Keyhole groaned. "Bill…"
8-Ball stumbled around, easily wrapping his large muscular arms around the whole pile of containers and lifting them into the air. I watched him rush off down the hall to the trashroom. Which just contained a large hole that led to the disintegrator. All trash went in the hole. I also had a barrier up to prevent people from falling in. Or anything that wasn't trash. Can't even remember how many times Ammy would drop random objects into there to watch them disintegrate.
I turned back to Keyhole and Teeth. "Seriously though, what's up? I haven't been gone that long?" Teeth sighed, adjusting his hold on his own pile of trash as he began walking to the trashroom as well. "It's not about you being here or gone, it's just…" he paused. "Things are boring without you."
"And there's been less stuff to do nowadays." Keyhole noted. "We've got jobs and stuff. And it's not like I have to work everyday, 'cause I can set the time when I head out, so I can get all the free time I want… but there's not much to do?" he winced.
"...do you guys need me to add more stuff to the house?" I thought about the spa area, the gym area, the pool, the garden, the anti-gravity settings inside the padded bounce-house room...
"It's not that, the house is fine." Keyhole told me quickly. "I don't know how to explain it… I'm just…"
"Bored and tired because we're bored?" Teeth blurted out, even as Keyhole gave him a worried, "Shh! Don't say it like that!" My eye widened. "Wait, it's fine Bill! We can handle it. It's fine!" Keyhole tried to assure me. "It's not your fault or anything-" I let out a soft sound and Keyhole grimaced, looking guilty about something.
The two of them stopped and stared at me. Then Teeth winced and scratched his side. "Bill, gonna be honest here? Things have been… boring, since we've all decided to be on good behavior and not go on rampages. And it's not your fault, look, when we found out that Time Baby's been using you in exchange for favors that you use to protect us, we all decided to stop causing trouble that you would have to get us out of…"
"And it was fine, for a few thousands years." Keyhole picked up. "It's not like I'm all that gung-ho about going out committing crimes or anything…."
"Demon Gals Punchy Kyuu XXVII is almost an exact copy of XXVI and they didn't even change out the character line up!?" Teeth whined. "I like the series but it hasn't done anything new in ages!"
Keyhole and I stared at him. Keyhole threw his hands in the air. "THAT'S what you're worried about?!" he complained. "I'm here, stressing about whether I've hit that plateau of having 'done everything I'm remotely interested in' part of being immortal, and having my whole existential crisis over how I'm supposed to spend the rest of eternity, and you're just mad that your favorite anime fighting game franchise isn't adding any new characters?!"
Teeth sighed, clicking his tongue. "Oh Keyhole, you are still a child, not comprehending the true meaning of my suffering." ("That fuck does that even mean?!") Teeth continued shaking his head, "You worry about what to do to fill your endless existence, and I, have already found mine." ("Being the top player in the multiverse and entering every single competition just to make your anime waifus beat the shit out of each other isn't some noble life's goal you weeb!")
I nodded seriously. "Yes, that's a very huge problem. Have you tried contacting the developers with your complaints?" ("You too?!" Keyhole wailed.)
"I did. And I've even asked around online for everyone else's opinions, but like… some people are like me and rightfully upset and bored, but like… everyone's buying the new games anyway? Even if they're just the same game repackaged with like… a couple of graphics updates?"
"And so long as the game still makes money, the company won't bother to change anything. In fact, less work for more profit would just make them push to continue doing this same thing." I sighed. Keyhole was giving the two of us a helpless look. "Is… is this really that important?"
Teeth and I turned in unison to deadpan, ""Yes.""
Keyhole stared. And then he spat out a key and lobbed it to the ground. "Screw you both!" Teeth snorted. I patted Keyhole's back. "We're just teasing. Well, only a bit?" I rubbed my side. "Look, as silly as it sounds, we're kinda serious. When you're immortal and stuff, you kinda need to find ways to entertain yourself or you'd go nuts. And if your form of entertainment goes stagnant, it's a big deal."
"It's not even just Demon Gals." Teeth whined. "Most of the games nowadays are just… the same thing repeated."
"Look, I'm fine with that for Farming Moon. All I need are more clothing options and more ways to organize my farmland and that's all I need." I shrugged. Keyhole sighed. "I don't think I can rely on video games to get me through eternity."
"Find some other hobby? Or try out something entirely new and outside your usual?"
"Bill, that's not… ok, Bill. I…" Keyhole nudged the key on the ground. "I don't like committing crimes or anything, but I miss watching you guys rampage. It was fun." Teeth shrugged. "Yeah, I feel kinda weird saying it, but I liked watching you go absolutely wild on people in all your demonic glory."
"You're a demon otaku, of course you would." I told him. "Well yeah, but that doesn't make it any less true." Teeth got to the trashroom, where we found 8-Ball lying on the ground beside the hole, staring into it.
"Is it bottomless?" 8-Ball asked, a little more aware now after being awake for a while. "Nah, it's got a storage area for all the dust. I reuse it to build stuff sometimes." I floated over and sat down beside him. "So, Teeth and Keyhole are tired and listless because they're bored. What about you?"
8-Ball blinked. "Am I unscrombled now?" I patted his arm. "Yeah, no worries dude." 8-Ball cheered. Then he put his arms down and rolled over to lie on his back. "I'm not bored? I don't know if I'm bored." he tilted his head to the side. "But going out to play on my own isn't as fun as going out with you and everyone else."
I looked around at Keyhole and Teeth. "Does everyone else feel the same?"
"We just miss being able to see you let loose." Teeth sat down on my other side. "You're so bottled up I'm amazed you haven't exploded. I mean, no offense, but you used to explode pretty often."
"Is that the other reason for the boy's night out a while back?" I leaned over to lie against 8-Ball. He patted my side. "I thought we were supposed to pick up girls?" 8-Ball sounded confused.
Teeth sighed. "I'm not saying that I wanted you to pick a fight with anyone…" I stared him down. "But getting to fight someone might help you relax a bit?" he winced. I groaned. "I… I need a moment." I got up, floating out of the room. I hear 8-Ball ask, "Wait, so we want Bill to fight people now?" ("Not exactly, it's complicated." Keyhole responded.)
I floated through the house and into the pool room, tossing myself into the water. I sank slowly to the bottom and sighed. What am I supposed to do?
I mentally inserted that meme about two wolves inside me. It made sense in context. But seriously though. All this indecision was killing me. Should I? Shouldn't I? Why did things have to be so complicated?
Was it just Teeth and Keyhole being bored? Because I wasn't keeping them entertained? No, I shouldn't think about it like that. I know my friends weren't only staying with me because I entertained them. They didn't really have anywhere else to go, now did they? And going out to cause trouble or pick fights wasn't… I was trying not to do that anymore. Didn't stop that part of me from going, 'That would be fun, wouldn't it?' and fuck my life.
I felt the water stirring and looked over to see Ammy sinking down to rest beside me. "Hello mother. Why are you moping in the pool?"
"I'm not moping." I moped.
"Wanna go play in the ball pit?" Ammy suggested. I sighed. "Maybe." I felt him tug on my foot and lift me out of the pool. I dangled there, letting him drag me around through the air as he floated off to the ball pit room. We have a room for everything. Ammy dropped me into the ball pit. The little non-plastic-plastic balls made delightful little sounds as they all bumped into each other. It helped lift my spirits a little bit. I laid there, closing my eye and just enjoying the feeling of the balls around me.
"Woooo!" I heard before Pyronica and Xanthar jumped into the pit with me. I was of course, smacked around into the air before falling back into it. Pyronica cackled and lifted me up. "Hey Bill~ Ammy said you were moping."
"I'm not moping!" I whined. Pyronica flicked my bowtie, making it spin. "Suuuuure you're not." Xanthar 'swam' over, bumping me with his head. "Seriously Bill, what's eating you this time?"
"Are you guys bored since we don't go on rampages anymore?" I blurted out. Pyronica's expression froze. And she sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Ok, who told you?"
"So it's true." I sighed. "I'm sorry you all have to be stifled because of me."
"Nope, don't you try and put this on yourself." Pyronica growled, poking my middle, making me squeak. "We decided it on our own." she leaned back, pushing some balls around. "But, yeah. It's been real quiet around here lately. Not the least of which because you've been avoiding us."
"I haven't-"
"Yeah you have. Like, not outright or anything, but you are!" Pyronica pouted. "If I was any less confident in myself, I'd say you were bored of us." My eye widened. She poked me again. "But I'm not quite that stupid. I know you love us more than life itself. No, the only reason why you'd do anything like this was be because you were afraid of something. Something that you think might hurt us." she gave me a level stare. "Should I start guessing at what this could be? Or do you wanna tell me yourself?"
"I still vote it's because mother feels guilty about the Deals they've made with us and how that could have been affecting their judgment all these years. And now that those Deals have been broken and reestablish in a different way, that perhaps we are no longer protected from them in some way." One of Ammy's head blocks popped up from the ball pit before sinking back down into it.
"Or that the lack of action has been fucking with your mental state worse than it normally is." Pyronica didn't look away. "Bill, you're a demon."
"I didn't want to be one."
"Regardless, it's what you are. And you've been trying so hard to be 'human' like that new family that took you in. And sure, you are human on the inside or something? I don't really get it. Something about your emotions?" Pyronica turned her head to where Ammy vanished. "What was that theory you had?"
"Mother's emotionally human, but physically a demon. Well, spiritually-physically? The vessel they choose to wear can sort of affect things, but their internal self is made of a mix of human emotions and demonic instincts." Ammy's muffled voice called out from somewhere to our right. "The constant warring between them is what causes their mental and emotional instability."
"I'm not gonna let these bitches loose." I grumbled. "They always make everything worse." Like killing people. My powers loved to do that.
"Well this ain't about that. It's about us and you and what we can do so we're not bored, you're not stressed and Time Baby doesn't fuck your ass."
"...I did not need that mental image, thank you very much."
"So Kryptos has suggested we kill Time Baby." Pyronica huffed ("Yes, I was supposed to tell you about this surprise we've been planning for." Ammy spoke up). "And to be honest, I wouldn't mind if that fucker were dead and gone for a thousand years. But you're all hung up on not killing him."
"Because he'd be pissed as hell, also all of time would start falling apart!"
"I know for a fact you've been working on a way to take over for him if that happened."
"He'll still be mad. And Dad might be mad too."
"Fuck him and fuck your dad." Pyronica growled. "If the AXOLOTL gets mad that you finally decide to let Time Baby get his just desserts for the shit he put you through, then fuck him."
"...alternatively, I tell Time Baby that I need to rampage and my friends need to rampage and that he was going to have to just let it happen…"
"He's going to just use that against you."
"Like killing him wouldn't have him fucking pissed at me?"
"Yeah but that would be in a thousand years. Which would give us time to change the multiverse in a way where he wouldn't have as much power once he's back." Pyronica said in a way that I knew was parroting something that someone else said. And my bets were on Kryptos.
"You just want to curb-stomp Time Baby, just 'cause." I accused. Pyronica cackled. "Yeah. I want to punch his stupid face in." I sighed. "And then? We go out and rampage again? That's what you guys want?"
"What about you? Don't you miss it?"
I shuddered. "I do. But I shouldn't be doing that anymore."
"Says who? Those humans you're so fond of? Who you're afraid would just drop you the moment you step outta line and stop being a 'good girl' for them?" Pyronica folded her arms.
"Mommy's ok with me killing in self defense. And I don't really kill when I rampage, but I do use a lot of magic on people without their permission. Which is also bad." I looked away. "What does it matter? You're Bill Fucking Cipher. You do what you want."
"But I want my humans to like me." Love me.
"If they don't love you for being the hot mess that you are, they don't deserve you loving them back."
"It's not just about me. I… I want to be a better person."
"You're fine the way you are-"
"I freaking used to twist your DNA and shapeshift you all just 'cause I got annoyed with you!" I practically spat. "I used to get mad at you guys for dropping fucking CRUMBS on the furniture and scare you so bad you thought I might kill you!"
"You wouldn't kill us." Pyronica said with full confidence.
"Accidents happen!" I vibrated. "What I need is to change. To stop being someone who would DO shit like that to you!"
"Then why the fuck are you so worried about doing that to other people? They're not us!"
"If I can't even stop myself from doing shit to people I don't care about, how the fuck am I going to learn any self control with the people I DO?!"
"Fuck them, fuck those humans, fuck everyone! Dammit Bill! You're bored, we're bored and we all need to just let loose and have FUN without caring what other people think!" Pyronica flared up. "Why do you even care so much what other people think now? They don't matter! They can do what they want, and you should do what you need to do!"
"I don't want to need to mess with people… other people don't need that kinda thing."
"But you do!"
"I shouldn't have to!" I didn't want to think about how much I missed it. Making Deals and fucking people over. I didn't want to be the type of monster that people said I was. (But that one time I was helping Seb scare people was so fun.)
Pyronica picked me up and pulled me close. "Bill, I'm worried about you."
"I'm fine. I can just go and disintegrate stuff or blow up an empty of life planet or whatever. I'm finding ways I can get what I need without having to rampage."
"Does it help?" Pyronica asked seriously. "It does. A little."
Pyronica sighed. "Well, if you're gonna be raising your own children, who are part human, I hope to the void that it's enough." she paused. "Though that doesn't really help the rest of us from being bored."
"...I'll try to find some way to have mini-rampages?" I suggested. Pyronica sighed. "You also need to stop avoiding us as much. I vote we go out for a day trip somewhere."
Xanthar nudge me. "And you can stop time from passing over on the human side, right?" Pyronica asked. It wasn't the 'human' side, but I didn't bother correcting her, I got what she meant. I nodded. "Then take some time off. Don't go swapping back and forth between here and there for a while. Spend some actual time with us, please."
I felt guilty that my friends had felt neglected. I hadn't meant for that. I was… well, to be honest, I had been wanting to have them be more independent. I didn't want them to need me. I was hoping that they would move on with their lives and-
It was a stupid idea, wasn't it?
What was I even hoping to gain here? They decide they didn't need to live with me anymore? I wouldn't let that- wouldn't allow- but that in and of itself was an issue. Me allowing them or not allowing them was the issue. They were free to do as they wished. But I still manipulated them, wanting them to stay by my side.
With my new sense of guilt over my actions, I started getting stressed about this. About how manipulative I really was. I showered my friends in affection and gifts and tried so hard to make them like me. And by some miracle, they did. And even now, after all these years together, I still wondered if that was some sort of fluke.
But Pyronica was right in a way. And I missed hanging out with them, fully with them mentally. And as much as I enjoyed the domestic human life with Seb and Fordsie, I couldn't deny that I missed the domestic life here too.
"...Get the guys together, I think we all need to talk about boredom and what we can do about it." I told Ammy, who nodded and folded into one of his blocks.
