Chakwas pressed down gently on Shepard's good shoulder, guiding the Commander to sit down on one of the medbay beds. It'd taken ten, painful minutes to get her out of the space suit - and get her to put down the battered N7 helmet Chakwas couldn't bear to look at for too long. She looked painfully young to the doctor as she sat there in bloodied clothes, her lip split and her dislocated arm held to her chest.
"Let me clean that up for you." Chakwas gently cleaned her face off. "It won't need stitches."
Shepard just nodded. Her silence prickled. Chakwas pressed two fingers to the inside of Shepard's wrist and then elbow, relieved to feel a discernable pulse.
"Distal pulse is strong," she told Mordin.
"Will scan shoulder, with permission," Mordin said, omnitool glowing orange around his thin wrist, "check for fractures, complications."
"Do what you have to do," Shepard said distantly.
Once the medscan was done, Mordin tilted his omnitool so Chakwas could see the imaging.
"No fractures," Chakwas said, "some ligament damage. We'll try a closed reduction, if you'll assist me, Mordin."
"Of course."
"Commander," Chakwas turned back to the younger woman, who watched her. She looked like she was very far away. "I will need to sedate you."
Shepard's jaw set. "But-"
"Shepard," she said, "I know you don't like being sedated unnecessarily, but this is one of the times it is. The muscles in your shoulder are tensed and spasming. With your…augments, it may take more force than usual to reduce your shoulder." She suspected traction was going to be necessary - and she had already requested Miranda's assistance with properly calculating drug dosages and potentially with helping with the actual procedure. She wasn't certain how long it'd take to fatigue Shepard's augmented muscles. "Sedation should help relax those muscles, stop them from fighting me."
"Fine," Shepard said shortly.
"We'll get you back up and on your feet as soon as possible. I'd also like to do a scan of your nervous system - make sure your implant is fine after being rattled like that."
"Whatever gets me back in fighting shape as soon as possible."
"Not for four weeks at least," Chakwas said archly.
"Four weeks?" Shepard demanded.
"You need to give your ligaments and muscles time to heal, as you well know. I will not have you getting it dislocated again because you want to run off and start fist fighting Collectors immediately."
Marines.
Shepard had been cleared for duty after the Battle of the Citadel and her wrist injury, but there were times Chakwas had wondered, after she'd died, if she'd been allowed to return to the field too quickly. If a bit of extra strength in that arm would've helped her get herself free from the Normandy's wreckage.
She wouldn't let Shepard throw herself into yet another fight before she was ready.
The coffin was a silver capsule sitting in the middle of the cargo bay. Miranda watched Shepard from the back of the bay, arms crossed. The commander had said very little since her rescuers had brought her back aboard, even during the ordeal of reducing her shoulder dislocation, a process that had taken Chakwas, Mordin, Miranda and a disconcertingly high dose of sedatives to accomplish. The augments laced into her bones and muscles made fractures and dislocations less likely - but it had made the reduction process more difficult.
Now Shepard stood over the capsule containing Chance Toombs body, one hand pressed to the cold metal. The other was wrapped up in a sling.
The quiet was unnerving.
"Shepard," she said at last, "he tried to kill you."
"Yeah," Shepard's voice was low and bitter, "I was there."
"The crew need orders."
"Oh yeah," Shepard's lips twisted, "we have so much choice about what to do next! Wander aimlessly in the Traverse? Wander aimlessly in the Terminus-?"
"Shepard-"
"Do you really think," Shepard asked her, softly, "that he really knew nothing about Akuze?" When she looked at Miranda, her eyes were dark and hard.
"It was-"
"A rogue cell, yes," Shepard tilted her head back to stay at the ceiling, "those just keep popping up, and the Illusive Man washes his hands of all sin."
"This mission is the real Cerberus," Miranda tried, "we're trying to save thousands, if not millions of lives, destroy the Collectors -"
"Yeah, yeah. The greater good. Never mind the collateral fucking damage," she took a step away from Toombs' coffin, fists clenched, "I've been the collateral damage, Lawson. I survived Akuze because another Marine stepped in front of me, and then I survived nearly capping myself because of his wife and the Alliance. Now I'm alive because the Illusive Man thinks he can use me as a weapon. Point and fucking shoot."
"Most people would be happy to get a second chance at life," Miranda said, "we brought you back because you can still help people."
A flash of anger crossed Shepard's features. "It would've been better if you'd left me on that frozen rock."
That had never been an option thanks to the Shadowbroker, but Miranda saw the look in Shepard's eyes and she was disquieted. "Shepard, you know that's not true. We've had our disagreements, but I - see you as a friend. I trusted you with Oriana because of that. You are a singular leader - not just your tactical acumen or weapons skills, but because you have compassion even for the worst of us."
Shepard felt compassion for assassins and convicts - and for Miranda, who'd dedicated herself to an organisation Shepard blamed for the worst period of her life.
Shepard blinked in surprise, and a wan smile stretched it across her mouth. "A pep talk, Lawson?"
"One of those things I am imperfect at, unfortunately."
"I think you did alright." Shepard scrubbed at her face. "You don't need to worry. The Illusive Man will get his suicide mission out of me."
"I have no intention of dying - or you dying," Miranda said flatly. "This ship needs you, Commander."
"You rescued me."
"And the crew was nearly torn apart in your absence," Miranda admitted.
"I'm going to do my damned best to make sure as many people go home after this as possible," Shepard promised.
Miranda looked at her - her bowed shoulders but the determination glinting in her dark eyes. This was Commander Shepard who'd won against the odds, yes, but also the Commander Shepard who'd traded ten lives for the city of Elysium, who'd sent one of her closest friends to his death to set off a nuke, who'd survived when everyone around her had died. This was a woman who felt like all of her achievements had an asterisk beside them.
"As long as getting yourself home is part of the equation."
Shepard huffed out a breath. "Someone's got to hand the Reapers their asses."
"Exactly."
"So. Orders. That I can do. I assume we're already headed back to Omega?"
"Yes." It had made sense in lieu of any directions from the ship's captain. The Relay was there, after all.
"Good. Organise a call with the Illusive Man before we arrive."
She hesitated before nodding towards the casket. "What about him?"
"He still has family on Earth. They deserve to know what happened to him - and to bury him. I'll organise it while we're on Omega."
Miranda wasn't sure what to say in the face of Shepard's grief over a man who'd tried to murder her. "I'll go organise that call for you."
When she turned to go, Shepard's voice stopped her. "You're too good for them, you know."
Miranda blinked, nonplussed, "Too good for who?"
"Cerberus."
The guilt rose in her then, sudden and shocking in the way it twisted her stomach into knots. Too good for Cerberus? She'd wanted to put a control chip in Shepard's scarred brain, turn her into a marionette. She'd railed against her father's control, but tried to inflict something worse on the woman in front of her. Miranda Lawson had been keeping secrets her whole life, but in that moment she wanted to confess it all.
But she couldn't. Shepard had been through a terrible twenty-four hours, and was clearly emotional. If Miranda told her now, it would be more about her own regret than giving Shepard the truth.
Later.
"I'm not," she said heavily, and fled the cargo bay.
Joker knew Shepard was walking up to the cockpit by the chatter that rose from the CIC, the drift of her steady contralto as she reassured the crew. The captain, in control. He reached forward and hit the shutter control. With a soft hum, the metal panels slid forward and blocked out the light of blueshift and the elongated streaks of stars.
"Joker." Shepard sat in the copilot chair. For once EDI's holo didn't pop up, leaving them the illusion of privacy.
"It's good to have you back. Too much longer and I think Jack would've tried to warp Miranda and then we'd have holes in the ship."
"Good to be back. How are you holding up?"
Joker scoffed, shooting a look at the sling she was wearing. "Don't worry about me."
"I'm your commanding officer. Worrying about you is kinda in the job description."
"We're not in the Alliance anymore. Private sector is supposed mean a little less micro-managing, isn't it?"
"I'm not sure Cerberus is exactly private sector," Shepard said mildly "Answer the damn question."
"I'm fine. I'm not the one who had her shoulder popped out."
"I'm okay, Joker. No new holes."
He scoffed. "Yeah, sure, you're alright. You went back there."
Alchera. He'd never wanted to come back there. Just sitting in orbit had made him sweat.
"I tried not to think about it," Shepard said, almost pensively. Joker glanced at her. Her cheekbone was mottled dark purple and her nearly black eyes were shadowed.
"About what?" he asked carefully. Shepard had been in a strange mood ever since they'd retrieved her from Alchera - raging one moment, depressingly silent the next. He wasn't used to Shepard being volatile.
"Dying."
His chest squeezed painfully. "Yeah, well. Can't blame you for that."
"I don't remember it." Shepard lifted her hand like she was going to push the button that opened the shutters covering the view ports, but then she dropped it.
He was glad for that. He didn't think anyone should have to live with a memory like that, least of all Shepard. He didn't know what to say.
"It's not like I just - went to sleep one day and just woke up on the station either. It's like my brain's all messed up. There's just all these missing pieces between then and now, and I don't even know how you start to - I don't know, rebuild yourself? It was easier just not to think about it. Focus on this damned mission. Keep moving. Let Ash walk away, not even try to fight for her. Then I didn't have to really deal with what I've lost."
"You're not responsible for other people's actions, Shepard," he pointed out, "Ash chose not to listen."
"I wouldn't have either, in her position," Shepard said with a small, sad smile.
"Look - all that crap Toombs said to you. He wasn't in his right mind. You're pretty far from a traitor or a murderer or whatever the fuck he said."
"He was right about one thing," she said distantly, "Jeremy Richardson did die for me." She focused on him then. "And I died for you."
Joker couldn't breathe then. He gripped the arms of his chair tight enough his bones creaked. "I'm sorry, Shepard."
"I'm not," she crossed her arms, "there's a lot I regret, but I don't regret going back for you."
"How can you say that?" he demanded, somehow aware and ashamed that she'd turned this conversation all around on him like she usually did - and now they were talking about his shit instead of hers. "All I cared about was flying. I was stupid and insubordinate and I got you killed-"
"Jeff," she cut him off. Had she called him that before? "The Collectors killed me. You don't get to decide whether you were worth me saving or not - I did and you are." He didn't know how to believe her. "I'm not saying this because I've blamed you, I'm saying it because you need to hear it. I forgive you."
Part of him wanted her to be lying. He'd spent two years under the weight of his guilt. He'd joined Cerberus for the chance at undoing his greatest mistake.
"But," she continued, and that was almost a relief. There had to be a catch. "If you disobey my orders again, I'll kick your ass myself."
He tugged at the brim of his cap. "Yeah, and then who'll drive you around to collect dangerous aliens?"
Shepard smiled that half smile of hers. "I rather not find out."
"Yeah." His voice came out thicker than he liked. "Me neither."
She patted him on the shoulder and turned to go.
"Shepard," he called after her, "are you gonna take your own advice?"
She half turned back and shrugged. "I'm going to try."
Codex Entry
Service Record - CDR Emilia Shepard (SAN):
Service Number: 5928-AC-2826
Name: Regalado Shepard, Emilia Isabel
Rank: Commander (O5)
DOB: 11 April 2154
Place of Origin: Arcturus Station
Nationality: Argentina, Australia, Spacer
Language Proficiency: English - native, Spanish - native, Hegemony standard - fluent
Marital Status: divorced
Next of Kin: Commodore Hannah Shepard, SAN
Status: Killed In Action
MVC: N7-O, B7-O, C3
Biotic: Y
Service History:
Enlisted as a Private through Arcturus Station Recruitment Center, 2172
Basic Training received at Recruit Training Depot Joughin, Benning, 2172
Zero Gravity Training (ZGT) received at Battle Station 56-A, Benning, 2172
Hostile Environment Assault Training (HEAT) received at Fort Charles Upham, Titan, 2172
Infantry AIT received at Infantry Training Battalion, School of Infantry Titan, 2172
Honor Graduate Ribbon Awarded, 2172
Meritorious promotion to Private First Class, 2172
Recommendation for OCS, 2172
Excellent qualification scores upon entering Active Duty, 2172
Assigned MVC B1, 2172
Assigned to 1/4th Marines on Benning, 2172
Awarded Colonial Service Ribbon, 2172
Promoted to Lance Corporal, 2173
Assigned to 3/19th Mechanized Infantry, 2173
Participated in Operation Zeus
Awarded Navy Commendation Medal, 2173
Awarded Combat Action Ribbon, 2173
Attended Officer Candidate School, 2174
Commissioned as Second Lieutenant, 2174
Awarded OCS Honor Graduate Ribbon
Assigned to 2/3rd Marines as Platoon Commander, 2174
Participated in Operation Hawkeye, 2174
Awarded Space Service Ribbon, 2174
Participated in peacekeeping operations on Yamm, 2175
Participated in defence of Elysium while on leave, 2176
Awarded Purple Heart, 2176
Meritorious promotion to First Lieutenant, 2176
Attended Special Operations Academy, 2176
N5 designation assigned, 2176
Assigned as Team Leader, Marine Special Operations Team 54, 2nd Raider Company, 3rd Raider Regiment, 103 Marine Raider Division, 2176
Awarded Star of Terra, 2177
Participated in Operation Jaeger on Anhur, 2177
Involved in Akuze Incident, 2178
Transferred to Arcturus Wounded Battalion, 2178
Attended Special Operations Academy, 2179
N7 designation assigned following admirable and effective service, 2179
Assigned to 1st SOD-ODE as troop commander, 2179
Conducted high priority missions in support of the Theshaca Raids, 2179
Promoted to Lieutenant, 2179
Awarded Navy Achievement Medal, 2179
Conducted deep reconnaissance and high priority missions within the Traverse and Terminus, 2180-2
Attended Space Warfare Command Officer Training, 2181
Attended Small Warship Command Course, 2181
Awarded C3 designation, small warfare command proficiency, 2181
Promoted to Lieutenant Commander, 2182
Assigned to SSV Normandy as Executive Officer, 2183
Granted SPECTRE status by Citadel Council, 2183
Assigned command of the SSV Normandy, 2183
Meritoriously promoted to Commander, 2183
Participated in Eden Prime War, 2183
Participated in the Relief of Eden Prime
Participated in Search and Destroy missions on Therum
Participated in Battle of Virmire
Participated in Battle of the Citadel
Awarded Citadel Unit Citation, 2183
Awarded Distinguished Unit citation, 2183
Awarded Council Medal of Honor, 2183
Awarded Navy Cross, 2183
Participated in anti-geth patrols in the near-Terminus, 2183
Missing in Action after destruction of SSV Normandy, 2183
Declared Killed in Action, Body Not Recovered by MIA Accounting Tribunal, 2184
Posthumously awarded Medal of Heroism, 2184
Posthumously awarded Purple Heart, 2184
