March 5th

I went to your funeral today. Your parents weren't there, nor Mycroft. It was just me and Mrs. Hudson. Molly wasn't even there? -JW

Strange. I don't know why they weren't there, didn't question it though. -JW

Mycroft is probably busy running the country or something. -JW

March 7th

I can't bring myself to go back to the flat. It smells too much like you. -JW

That's a weird thing for a bloke to say to another bloke isn't it? -JW

It's just too much, I can't do it. -JW

March 15th

Sherlock why did you have to do it? I would have helped you, I'm your friend. I'm you're best friend. I can't help but think this is my fault. You called me, your note was a phone call to me and I couldn't fucking help you. I'm sorry, Sherlock. -JW

March 20th

I started seeing my therapist again, she told me that I should say the things I had always wanted to say. I can't bring myself to say it, if I couldn't say it to you why should I say it to her. -JW

March 30th

I've been out of work since you fell, voluntarily. They wouldn't fire me, I'm the best GP they've got. I just can't function without you. I know how stupid that sounds, if you were reading this I know you'd be rolling your eyes. -JW

I don't know how to do things without you. It's hard. -JW

I've rented a small apartment, I stay there most of the time. I can't bring myself to leave, not yet anyways. -JW

April 6th

Fuck, Sherlock. -JW

Why did you have to do it? -JW

I hate you. -JW

No I don't. I'm sorry. I don't hate you. -JW

I'm just angry. -JW

I can't sleep anymore, the nightmares are back. New nightmares too. -JW

It's 3am and I woke up from seeing you fall. It's happened three times now. -JW

I hate that I couldn't have saved you. -JW

I'm sorry, Sherlock. -JW

April 10th

Today was a bad day. I'm back at work now if I didn't tell you. I thought you were one of my patients in a disguise. I started yanking at his hair, poor bloke. Just came in for a prostate exam. -JW

I've been issued 2 weeks leave now. -JW

Everyone is stepping on egg shells around me, it's annoying. They think I'm unstable. -JW

People on the street even send me sorrowful looks. -JW

April 11th

Mycroft came by today. He offered his help. It was the first time that I've spoken to him since you fell. Maybe he just needed time to adjust, I don't think he's coping very well. He seems sad. I'm sad. -JW

April 16th

My therapist says that I should start blogging again. There's nothing to blog about. My life isn't exciting anymore. You brought so much thrill into my life, Sherlock. -JW

I told her that I've been texting your number occasionally, she said at least it a a good coping mechanism. -JW

Now that I think of it shouldn't your number have been given to somebody else by now? -JW

Um hello, if you're a random stranger just text 'wrong number' and I'll stop texting. -JW

Or maybe Mycroft kept your number active. Mycroft you're probably reading these messages aren't you? -JW

Hello, Mycroft. -JW

April 20th

I went out for drinks with Greg today. We spoke about you and reminisced about some old cases. If you were here I know you'd call it sentimental. -JW

Greg misses you a lot. -JW

April 25th

I don't really feel like I'm living. The days are just going by and I'm just breathing. You always said breathing was boring. I can see that now. -JW

April 26th

A fan came up to me today and offered me their condolences. I signed a picture of the two of us. It was a shot from us at one of the press events. You look quite handsome in the photo, did I ever tell you that? I hope I told you that you're handsome, because you are. -JW

The fan was nice. -JW

May 4th

I miss Baker Street but I can't live there. It's empty without you it in. -JW

May 9th

I thought I saw you today. It was weird. -JW

May 16th

Life is going back to normal. Normal as in, I get up and go to work then come home. I still think about you it just doesn't effect my day to day life as much as it did a few weeks ago. -JW

I can feel my mental state going down. There's some part of me that thinks you're out there alive but that's just wishful thinking, isn't it? -JW

If somebody could fake their death, it's Sherlock Holmes. -JW

But why wouldn't you tell me, if you did? -JW

You see. Wishful thinking. -JW

Sorry. -JW

Come back, please. -JW

May 19th

I don't eat anymore. -JW

Usually I'd be the one nagging you to eat and now look at me. -JW

I just can't bring myself to eat. -JW

I saw Angelo the other day, he offered his condolences and said I'm free to eat in his restaurants free of charge whenever I want. -JW

Thank you for that I suppose. -JW

Somehow I'm still mooching of off you, even when you're not here. -JW

May 28th

Mycroft kidnapped me today. -JW

Hi, Mycroft. -JW

I know you're reading these. -JW

We spoke about you and he offered me a job, to work with him. -JW

Smarter than I look apparently. -JW

June 1st

Greg asked me to take a look at a crime scene. It was only a four and I managed to solve it. -JW

Not as quick as you though, I'm not Sherlock Holmes. Nobody could be as clever as you. -JW

I miss your deductions and monologues. I always found those amazing. You were amazing, still are amazing. -JW

I don't believe anything you told me. I knew you for real. -JW

June 11th

I haven't seen Mrs. Hudson since the funeral. -JW

I hope she's okay. -JW

I don't have the will power to go back. -JW

I know you'd mock me for that. -JW

Maybe I'll ask Mycroft to check on her. -JW

Mycroft I know you're reading these. -JW

Hello. -JW

June 20th

Sherlock, it's hard without you. -JW

I thought I was coping but I'm definitely not. -JW

I can't do this. -JW

I feel alone. -JW

Alone doesn't protect me. -JW

You did. -JW

June 21st

Mycroft came to visit today, he thinks I'm suicidal. -JW

I know you're reading these. -JW

I'm not suicidal, Mycroft. -JW

Maybe I am. -JW

It's just hard to live without you, Sherlock. -JW

June 27th

Greg and I go for drinks every Friday. It's good fun. -JW

He seems better. -JW

I'm not. -JW

July 3rd

You're a bastard. How could you leave me Sherlock? -JW

I need you. -JW

I can't do this, I can't do this without you. -JW

July 4th

Im sorry for calling you a bastard. I'm just angry. So angry. -JW

I wish it didn't have to be like this. -JW

July 17th

I saw a fan today, they had the deerstalker hat on. -JW

It was cute. -JW

But now I'm sad. -JW

July 22nd

There's a movement going, if you didn't get the memo in heaven. -JW

'I believe in Sherlock Holmes' -JW

I heard that Anderson has started a fan club of yours and they're creating theories that you're alive. -JW

I've been tempted to go to one of their meetings but I know that I'd drive myself insane. -JW

I hope you're alive. -JW

I doubt it though, fuck Sherlock. -JW

Anyways there's this movement providing evidence that you weren't a fraud. -JW

We're trying to clear your name. -JW

I don't want you to be remembered as a fraud, because you weren't. -JW

You were the best and wisest man I've ever known. -JW

August 3rd

I don't take cabs, they remind me of you. -JW

Sentiment. I know. -JW

August 10th

Mycroft hasn't kidnapped me in a while, I miss it. -JW

Mycroft I give you permission to kidnap me. -JW

August 23rd

Mycroft kidnapped me today, it was fun. -JW

I'm somewhat glad that your brother still talks to me. -JW

September 6th

My birthday is in two days. You never knew when my birthday was. Maybe you did? You never mentioned it. -JW

Greg tried to get me to have a party, I said no. I'm just going to stay at home. -JW

September 8th

Happy birthday to me. -JW

September 12th

There's been a murder at Brixton, I think you'd like it. -JW

September 16th

Mycroft's lost some weight. -JW

Hi, Mycroft. -JW

September 22nd

Why did you have to fall? You were so great, you ARE great.

October 5th

I miss you, Sherlock. -JW

I really fucking miss you. -JW

October 7th

It's getting hard again. -JW

I can't do this without you. -JW

October 20th

Mycroft came by again, he's worried about me. -JW

I'm okay, Mycroft. -JW

October 22nd

I misswalking around London with you whilst you deduced people. -JW

I liked that. -JW

November 13th

I tried dating again for the first time since you fell. -JW

It didn't go to plan and you weren't even there to interrupt. -JW

You're cock blocking me from heaven, thanks Sherlock. -JW

It's okay though. I don't think I'm ready. -JW

November 15th

I'm watching crap telly. You're not here to tell me all of the wrong things about the show. -JW

I'm watching Doctor Who. -JW

I miss your voice. -JW

November 18th

My therapist says that I should delete your number. I don't think I can, it's the last way that I can communicate with you. -JW

I've thought about going back to the flat, I might do that sometime. -JW

November 26th

Sherlock, please just be alive. -JW

I can't deal with it anymore. -JW

I miss you. -JW

December 7th

My mum is trying to make me go to her house for Christmas. I don't want to. I want to spend it with you. -JW

You were right. Christmas is tedious. -JW

December 10th

I went to the flat for the first time since you've been gone. I took one of your scarfs, sorry. I hope you don't mind. -JW

Mrs. Hudson wasn't there but it looks as though she hasn't rented it out to anyone else. Everything is still the same. -JW

Books, The Skull, our chairs, your violin. Everything is how you left it. I sat down in my chair for a moment but the flat felt too empty and quiet without you so I left. -JW

December 15th

I miss solving crimes with you. -JW

December 17th

You're a cock for leaving me.

December 25th

Merry Christmas, Sherlock. -JW

I miss you. -JW

Come back to me. -JW

January 1st

Happy New Year. -JW

I'm not happy though. -JW

I wish you were here. -JW

March 5th

I'm at your grave right now. I'd rather text you than speak to your grave, somebody is at a grave a few feet away. I can't talk in front of them. -JW

It's been a year Sherlock, a fucking year since you decided to fall. I'm sorry that I couldn't have been there for you, I thought I was a good friend to you. I'm sorry that you felt you had to do this. -JW

Some part of me thinks that you're still out there and this is all part of a master plan. If it is I'm going to be so pissed with you, you bastard. I just can't deal with the fact that you're no longer here. Its getting easier though, life has a pattern now. It isn't fun, it just is what it is. -JW

You were the best and the wisest man that I've ever known. You are my best friend. -JW

I believe in you Sherlock Holmes. -JW

I miss you. -JW