ACT II: Down the Slippery Slope
Note: Oh my god, beat my ass with a stick, I'm not sure why I got so stuck on this chapter, so instead I just took the chunk I was okay with and spat it out. This is un-beta'ed, so any mistakes are my own! Please enjoy, and always, thank you so much for coming back!
The trip back to Skyhold had been a deathly quiet one. Cassandra had been absorbed in the Seeker's tome, Blackwall and Sera had taken it upon themselves to guard her, or at least be as close to her as possible to keep others from bothering her. The Chargers had managed to collect a few knights from the Seekers of Truth to bring back to Skyhold for questioning. I was exhausted and wanted to be home, desperately. I rode on the back of Bull's monstrous horse, a Clydesdale in my world, but called an Asaarash in Qunlat for the Qunari.
My back was pressed to Bull's as we rode back home, Avonal followed behind on a lead behind Asaarash, munching on a patch of grass he had ripped up from somewhere. The sun was just past the midday mark and descended next to us as we rode. The icy touch of the mountain range was starting to set in, despite the bright, sunny day.
"You alive, Boss?" Bull's voice rumbled up through my back, sending pleasant shivers along my spine. I sighed and raised my hands to rub them over my face, grumbling a vague answer. Ever since the last fight in Caer Oswin, I had been mulling over the fact that something from Bull had triggered a very violent reaction in my Mark. How to approach it with Bull or Solas was becoming a nightmarish situation.
"You know, if you moved to the front as I suggested, you could be nappin' right about now." Bull reminded me. Silently, I glared at his shoulder and the tip of his horn. It had been a tempting offer, but it now felt too raw and too exposed in front of the Chargers and my other companions to be considered a viable option. Regardless of how tired I was, these buried passions weren't going to give me a moment's peace in his lap.
"I'm alive, and no thank you." I muttered with little heat. It was only a matter of time before I had to address these tumbling nerves and the chaotic tangle of emotions that were swirling in my gut. It was bad enough that there was a nagging thought at the back of my mind that would insistently scream 'spy!' at the top of its lungs. A frown flashed over my face, my arms crossed under my bosom as I worked the situation over.
I had managed to avoid the distraction, but Bull's little stunts and affectionate moments were starting to hammer down the wall I had used to secure my guilt away. For a moment, my eyes flashed to Cassandra. I don't have the time to be some love-struck idiot. Not like Qunari handle affection in the same way. Christ, this was going to be frustrating.
Frustrating enough that I found myself at the end of Cabot's bar, a half-pint in between my hands and a headache rushing between my ears. The tavern had been quiet despite the return of the Chargers. Bull had taken up his usual place once the rest of the company had been debriefed. Krem left with his company. Cassandra had waved me off, determined to read through the rest of the tome before night's end with the promise of discussing it tomorrow.
Honestly, I had no presence of mind to take up a chit-chat with my advisors or Solas, and Dorian hadn't been seen in his tower with his books, so I was left to my own devices. Half an hour or so had passed before Bull's shadow made its presence known over my shoulder with its owner not far behind with a giant stein in his hand. Wordlessly, I shifted further away on the wooden bench to allow him a spot and snickered into my drink when the wood creaked threateningly under us.
"So we're going to talk." Bull said casually, placing the stein between us. Something in it sloshed warningly, no doubt a drink stronger than the one I had in my hand.
"Yeah? What's on your mind?" I asked, rolling the half-pint stein between my palms.
"You." He answered readily, startling my movements and nearly having a drink spilled into his lap. "Uh-huh, yeah, that's what I'm talking about."
"You can fuck the hell off, my good sir." I muttered, waving Cabot away when the dwarf grumbled at the partially spilled drink on the bar's surface. Hastily, I snatched a rag that was stuffed under the edge of the bar and proceeded to wipe up the splatter I had made. Bull watched with a raised eyebrow and waited until I had finished cleaning.
"As tempting as the offer is; no." He pushed his stein toward me, the murky depths within it threatened me with a terrible time. "Drink."
"Suuuure," I said with hesitation. This does not look promising. I brought the lip of the stein to the tip of my nose and inhaled. A wave of spice close to tamarind wafted up, along with the classic deceivingly smooth tang of alcohol. Oh no, this is Death. I glanced back at Bull, but the full expectancy he expressed with a single, raised eyebrow said enough.
Drink.
"Fuck me, here we go." I said bracingly. The drink hit the back of my tongue and throat, the taste flooded my senses with a smokey, bitter flavor that left an aftertaste of minty tamarind that I wasn't sure how to handle. I held in a cough that threatened to vomit back up the drink and swallowed hard. I pushed the stein back to Bull with a glare.
He grinned.
"To killing a high dragon like warriors of legend!" He exclaimed happily, picking up the stein and taking a fearless swig from it.
I cleared my throat, laughing weakly. "What exactly is it that I'm drinking?"
"Maraas-lok." Bull answered, his grin widening.
"What does that mean?" I asked, glancing at the stein with suspicion.
"It means drink!" Bull teased, shoving the thing back into my hands after refilling it from a waterskin he had hidden away behind his hip. This motherfucker. With a shake of my head, I snatched back the cup and glared at the dark fluid. Considering the turbulent emotions I was going through, it probably wasn't the best idea to get rip-roaring drunk with my infatuation right beside me.
I drank.
A cough did escape this time, but I didn't vomit. Thank god.
"I know, right? Put some chest on your chest." He reached over and took the stein and took the rest of the swallow that I couldn't get through without dying. His lips popped, "That little gurgle right before it spat fire? And that roar. What I wouldn't give to roar like that."
I couldn't help the snicker that bubbled up my throat and, stupidly, I slapped my hand over my mouth as if that would stop it. I can't be drunk already! It was two fucking sips! But sure as shit, there was a ringing in one ear and a warm flush crawling up my neck. Bull shot his grin back my way and the flush grew hotter under my ears.
Fuck, I'm gonna die.
"The way the ground shook when it landed. The smell of the fires burning… Taarsidath-an halsaam." Bull sighed, refilling the stein to the brim. Is that waterskin endless? He passed it back to me and tentatively I took it. Let's see how long I could go before he prompted me to drink even more of his death potion.
"You know," Bull started again, leaning slightly toward me, "Qunari hold dragons sacred. Well. As much as we hold anything sacred. C'mon, your turn." He nudged the stein lightly with the back of his hand and I sighed, unable to say no at the smile on his face. Christ, I was going to turn into a schmuck, wasn't I?
I drank.
"S-so, what did that last bit mean?" I asked, nearly losing my teeth to the back of my throat from the punch of the alcohol. It wasn't rare that Bull would slip into Qunlat around us, but it was usually in the form of swears or curses when we frustrated him. Well, usually when I frustrate him. He took the stein back and slung another swallow into his throat like he was breathing.
"What, taarsidath-an halsaam?" He waited for my nod, then smirked, "Closest translation would be; I will bring myself sexual pleasure later, while thinking about this with great respect. I shouted it on the battlefield, too." Somehow, I managed to choke on my next inhale and felt my ears pop from the strange pressure change inside my skull.
"You what? You shouted that while it breathed fire at us?" I accused, astounded.
"I know, right?" His smirk never left his face, and he leaned his head toward me, teasing me with a small, taunting grunt. Alarmed at the way my body swayed toward him, I reached for the drink between us and took a hearty swallow to distract myself. The burn wasn't quite as harsh, but the alarm bells ringing faintly in the back of my mind probably warranted heeding.
"Yeah!" He laughed, watching me sputter with my attempt. "It gets easier after the second cup. Most of the nerves in your throat are dead after the first one."
"No fucking shit," I gasped, shoving the stein back to him. Time to try and steer the conversation away from myself before anything embarrassing slipped out. "So are dragons a big thing with the Qunari?"
"Ataashi. The glorious ones. That's our word for them." Bull nodded happily, taking the stein to drink from it. He swayed a bit himself after gulping down a mouthful. "Ataaaaaaaheeeeee."
"Why do you think the Qunari consider the dragons in that way?" I asked around a laugh. Oh no. This was getting funnier by the second. I hadn't seen The Iron Bull get drunk in such a way that he was slowly reverting into a giggling teenager. My laugh was interrupted by a hiccup and it had Bull snorting into his drink with surprise.
"Well," He recovered with a cough, chuckling, "You know how we have horns? We kind of look more… dragon-y… than most people. Maybe it's that." Maybe? I mouthed in surprise. When wasn't Bull sure of his answers? He took another drink and passed it along to me before wiping at the edge of his mouth with a few fingers.
"But," he continued, his voice dropping into a conspiratorial whisper, "A few of the Ben-Hassrath have this crazy old theory. See, the Tamassrans control who we mate with, right?"
I nodded, I could remember at least that much.
"So, they breed us for jobs like you'd breed dogs or horses. What if they mixed in some dragon a long time ago?" His face lit up like a Christmas tree at the idea, bright and amusing. "Maybe drinking the blood, maybe magic. I don't know. But something in that dragon we killed… spoke to me."
I paused, watching his face as it morphed into a thoughtful frown. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, the paranoid part of my brain screamed that all of this could be an act, a ploy, from a very skilled, very intelligent spy. The stein felt hot in my hands and a surge of guilt pooled in my stomach.
What am I doing?
This was dangerous.
"I'm sorry we had to kill it." I croaked softly, trying to regain my balance from the sudden shift in emotional gears. My brain was melting between my ears and though the world wasn't spinning just yet, I could feel the slightest tilt to my vision as the alcohol started to metabolize in my system.
"Dragons are the embodiment of raw power. But it's all uncontrolled, savage…" Bull started, either ignoring the turn in my tone or truly too drunk to notice it, and sighed. "So, they need to be destroyed. Taming the wild. Order out of chaos. Here, have another drink."
He nudged the stein. I stared at it and in my rational brain, I knew taking another drink would put me in terrible trouble and situation. I wouldn't be able to dig myself out of or salvage it once I opened my mouth and uttered the emotion that settled at the back of my tongue, waiting for its chance to slip out.
I drank.
"Yes! To dragons!" Bull laughed, pleased. He took the stein from me and slammed some of it back, nearly choking himself. I burped when trying to speak and the noise made the Qunari next to me break out into a boisterous laugh.
My eyelids were weighted with iron and it took everything in my power to keep my shoulders upright to avoid smacking my face into the bar's surface. My arms braced against the wood and without much prompting, my words slipped out as I reached for the stein to finish it.
"To the Iron Bull!" I declared, foolishly knocking out the rest of the drink. There was more than a quarter left at the bottom, far more than I thought, but damned if my drunk self wasn't going to live up to the name Inquisitor. The drink swirled down my throat and my stomach angrily protested, a hiccup of bile worked up to my mouth but I refused to vomit.
I slammed the stein down onto the tabletop, gasping for air.
"Yes! And his ass-kicking Inquisitor!" Bull cheered, swaying hard. His arm closest to me crooked against the surface to hold up his weight. It brought him closer to me and out of fear that he honestly would tip backward off his seat, my hands reached for his shoulder and pushed to hold him up in an awkward, side-way hug. We were pressed together, my arm around the back of his shoulders and the other wrapped under his elbow to hold him steady.
To my immense surprise, he pressed his forehead against mine.
"Hey," he murmured to me with his voice drunk and slurring, his forehead warm like a fever against my skin, "Hey, kadan, listen. I always wanted to say this, and I never can whenever we're off saving the world…" My mind blue-screened for a hot minute, the absolute fear that struck my gut left me breathless and desperately I prayed I was anywhere else.
No, Bull, not now, don't do this!
"You've got fantastic tits." He muttered, rubbing his forehead into mine with an imperceptible purr. Hot, flooding relief surged through my drunk body and inexplicably a wave of snickers broke through, turning into honest laughter as I hugged my dumb Qunari against me, petting between his shoulders.
"Aww, you big goof." I teased, tears of relief crowding at the edges of my eyes, "You are so drunk."
"So are you." He accused tiredly, his eyes closed. "It's bedtime."
"It certainly is." I laughed again, my eyes clearing up. "Can you walk? I can't carry you, big guy."
"Mhmm." His only good eye opened. "Can you? Want to spend the night?"
Shit. I knew I wasn't going to get off easy.
"Maybe next time, handsome." I teased, this time patting his shoulder as I pulled back. It was dangerous being that close to his heat, to the crooked smile on his face, the hooded green eye that peered at me with something I wouldn't dare label as affection. Once out of his personal space, my lungs stretched to inhale any fresh air it could find. A cough popped through my throat, but with as much grace as I could muster, I stood up and untangled my legs from the bench.
Bull, surprisingly, struggled to stand. His arms shook as he braced them against the tabletop and worked his legs from under the bench as well. He swayed and his knee over his bad ankle buckled. Hurriedly, I stumbled over to his other side and slipped under his arm to help hold him up. Though I had been sober for the minute of fear, the adrenaline hadn't been enough to clear my mind completely.
I waved to Cabot as I pulled Bull with me through the tavern and out the door. The night's chill hugged us immediately and I shivered, latching onto Bull's side with my arms around his torso, foregoing the effort to hold him up. He chuckled, his arm resting over my shoulders and down my back and side, shielding me as best he could. Together we wandered, silently, toward the dungeons where the Chargers were housed.
Aw fuck, I winced, the Chargers.
There wasn't much I could do to escape now, Bull's weight was resting against my shoulder and side heavily, his stride fumbled with every other step as we made our way across the courtyard. There was a nagging, buzzing thought between my ears. Something Bull had said, had mentioned, that wanted to be explained. Damned if I could remember what it was, though.
We made it to the dungeon door and Bull reached for it, swinging it open with a bang. My ears rang like church bells and instinctively I smacked his stomach playfully, annoyed at the commotion. Bull snickered over my head, nearly doubling over and knocking us to the ground. Thankfully, Krem hadn't been far off, and like a true knight in shining armor, swooped in to catch us before we kissed the cobbled floor.
"Oh, no, you're both drunk?" Krem exclaimed, torn between amusement and alarm.
"I," Bull started, interrupted by a burp, "Am perfectly… fine."
"Right, and I'm Dalish." Krem accused with a laugh. He did his best to shuffle into Bull's side and take the Qunari's weight off my body. A hard shiver worked up my spine from the loss of body heat, but I firmly kept my mouth shut. Freed, I swayed on my feet for a moment. Cool, gentle hands took one of my elbows and hooked my arm into someone else's. With a drunk blink, I turned to find that same-self elf smiling at me.
"Hullo, Dalish." I greeted pleasantly. The fair-skinned elf smiled sweetly at me, the crinkles around her eyes warning me of her internal laughter. Krem had managed to walk Bull over toward the Qunar's cell that had the straw bed and blankets piled around pillows.
"Hello, Inquisitor. Would you like to go to bed?" Dalish asked kindly, patting my arm wrapped in hers. Accidentally, I swayed and tilted in her direction, my side pressed against hers. Gracefully, Dalish swayed with me and held me up, sturdy and sure as a tree.
"Yes, m'am." I murmured sleepily, the weight of the drink starting to eat away at my willpower. A murmur of words floated around me, no doubt Krem and Dalish conversing, but not long after Dalish's ghostly hand pressed against my back, her arm holding my arm against her to steer me. Happily, I followed, thankful I wasn't going to stumble my way back to my room up a flight of several stairs.
"I'm sorry, Dalish. Thank you." I rubbed at my eyes with my free hand as we walked.
"Nonsense, I'm happy to do this for you." Dalish said warmly, patting my back. "It has been a long while since the Chief's allowed himself a good drinking night."
I snorted, amused. "Doesn't he always drink?"
"Oh, no." Dalish shook her head, her silver hair a breeze. "He drinks, yes, but not enough to be drunk. He likes to keep his wits in case something happens."
"Ah," I said stupidly, my brain trying to connect the implications, but the alcohol sloshed between any coherent thoughts. Soon enough, with patience known only in saints, Dalish steered me through the courtyard, into the Grand Hall, and up to my room. How I didn't trip over her or any steps I attributed to the sheer power and grace that was Dalish.
Tomorrow was going to be a long-ass day.
