Announcer: "The following chapter of "Super-Wackos of EVA: NERV Freaks Out" consists of 60% recap of prior events and 40% new content. The decision was made to go this route to save both time and money, because the producers are just that cheap. Also, this recap chapter will be called a 'recapter' for short, and we are aware that it's not a real word, but we don't care, so take that, Webster's and Oxford's English Dictionaries! *AHEM* And now, our story continues."

Episode 33 - The Basil Exposition Productions Recapter

The sun had yet to creep over the horizon as the group of five waited next to the blue Alpine-Renault. Kaji, Misato, Ritsuko, Maya and Makoto were meeting up with someone to discuss a plan of action to thwart Gendo Ikari and SEELE's ambitions, and had been thankfully drinking coffee miles better than the swill served at NERV HQ. (The additional box of donuts was a nice added touch.) All the while, the five of them chatted, until a rustling was heard in some bushes nearby. Misato quietly motioned for Kaji to be at the ready, the two of them already with their hands at their holsters.

"All right, come on out!" Misato ordered. "We know you're there, so show yourselves right now!"

On hearing that, three more faces emerged from the bushes as Shinji, Asuka, and Rei came forward.

"What're you guys doing here?" Maya asked.

"Funny, we could ask the same of you," Asuka replied. "If it's about what I think it is, the three of us want in."

"Asuka, we have no idea what you-" Kaji started to say.

"We know the secrets of our EVAs, Kaji," Asuka interrupted.

The eyes of the adults widened a bit upon hearing this.

"What exact secrets?" Ritsuko asked.

"Oh, the fact that the reason we're able to sync with them is because the souls of our mothers are inside the cores," Shinji nonchalantly replied. "Among other things."

"Got it right from the source, to answer any forthcoming questions," Asuka added, arms folded.

The adults then looked at each other for a moment, and, realizing the kids were definitely within their depth on this, let out a collective sigh.

"All right, you can join us," Misato said. "Hopefully when our contact gets here, there'll be some additional room in their car." She then noticed there was an additional face among them, specifically nestled in Rei's arms. "Pen-Pen couldn't watch him?"

"He was still asleep when we followed you earlier," Rei replied as the little furry bundle she was holding let out a soft 'mew'.

Ritsuko's face lit up the minute she noticed who it was they were referring to in Rei's arms. "Is that...?" she started to ask.

"Yes, this is Kablooie," Rei said as she held out the kitten to the scientist.

Once Ritsuko was holding Kablooie, her mask immediately slipped off, if the big smile that emerged on her face didn't give them enough of a clue.

"Ooooh look at the cute little kitty-kat!" she said as she gushed all over the kitten. "Look at the teeny face! You have sweet meats in you, don't you? Little sweet meats inside you, if I hug you they're gonna come out! Little sweet, sweet, sweets! Make a sweet face! Gimme nuzzy-nuzz-!"

She stopped after noticing, out of the corner of her eye, everyone was staring at her in utter bewilderment while she nuzzled Kablooie against her cheek.

"*AHEM* Sorry," she said as she attempted to regain some of her dignity while handing Kablooie back to Rei.

At that moment, the group heard the sound of an engine roaring, which belonged to the vehicle that pulled up beside them...a vehicle that turned out to be the Freakmobile.

"Morning!" Freakazoid and Freakazette greeted as they hopped out.

Man, what an hour to be up, Kensuke said within the Freakazone with a yawn.

Ditto, Mayumi blearily concurred.

"He's your contact?" Misato wondered as she looked at Kaji.

"There's a lady variant?" Kaji wondered in turn, as this was the first time he'd seen Freakazette.

"And great, the kids are here too!" Freakazette noted. "Looks like we've got everyone we need, all that's left is to head to the Freakalair."

"All right folks, the kids'll hop in the back of the Freakmobile with us," Freakazoid stated as if he were outlining procedures on a passenger flight, "while the rest of you pile into the major's car." He then started handing out blindfolds to all but Freakzette (including a tiny one for Kablooie). "Once you buckle in, please put on your blindfolds so that we can maintain secrecy regarding the Freakalair's location. Don't ask me why, that's how it worked when Batman and Robin teamed up with Scooby and the gang."

"Waitaminute," Misato started to say, "how can I even drive to the place then?"

"Simple-you won't," Freakazette answered.

"We'll tow ya along with the Freakmobile," Freakazoid added reassuringly. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle."

With that, the NERV folk shrugged and piled into each respective vehicle and quickly put their blindfolds on. Once everyone was buckled in, Freakazoid and Freakazette hopped back into the Freakmobile, where the former gunned the engine and soon zoomed off (the Alpine-Renault in tow) to the cave entrance on the outskirts of Old Hakone. Once they were a good distance inside the cave, they stopped atop a platform. Freakazoid gave the word for everyone to disembark and remove their blindfolds, with the non-supers surprised to be in a cave. As soon as everyone got out of the vehicles, said vehicles were then lowered on the platform into another area of the Freakalair below, Freakazette waving as she descended with them.

"Okay, where do we go from here?" Makoto asked as he looked around.

Freakazoid grinned before answering. "Now we head to the Freakalair proper via the Freak-a-fall."

The NERV folk looked at one another confusedly before responding simultaneously: "Freak-a-fall?"

The minute they said that, what looked to be a train of roller coaster cars appeared on a track that emerged from the other direction, while one of the cave walls opened up. Freakazoid hopped into the front car with Rei and Kablooie next to him, followed by Misato and Kaji in car #2, Maya and Ritsuko in #3, Shinji and Asuka in #4, and Makoto in #5.

"All righty then, everyone lower and lock the bars in front of you," Freakazoid instructed as everyone did just that, with the cars starting to move towards the opening, "and here-we-goooo!"

Soon the cars rolled along the track into quite the drop, with everyone but Rei and Freakazoid screaming with surprise. If some of them weren't feeling entirely awake before, they certainly were now. The cars went through all sorts of twists, turns and loops before finally they arrived at the end, with a photo-finish supplied by the waiting Freakazette. The NERV folk slowly got out of the cars as the bars lifted automatically, while Freakazette then handed each of them their complimentary souvenir photos, each capturing the looks on their faces. When the NERV folk finally regained their bearings, they stood wide-eyed and gaped at the new environment they'd stepped into.

"Ladies and gentlemen, and kitties, welcome to the Freakalair!" Freakazoid presented, his arms spread outward.

Each NERV member looked around in equal amounts of awe and bewilderment.

"This is..." Ritsuko started to say.

"...One of the strangest superhero HQ's I've ever seen," Makoto finished.

"Technically, it's the only one you've ever seen," Asuka chimed in. "In real life, at least."

The group then proceeded to follow the two Freaks to a big meeting table on a lower level, where two large monitor screens were present. Each took a seat, finding the chairs pretty comfortable.

"You all have breakfast, by the way?" Freakazette asked. "Can't make plans to derail an insidious conspiracy or two on an empty stomach, you know!"

The NERV folk mumbled a bit of a response that amounted to 'not a big one'.

"Say no more, we've got plenty of options!" Freakazoid said as he pulled a cord hanging beside him. On doing that, a bowl, spoon, and napkin appeared in front of each NERV member (along with a small saucer of milk for Kablooie). Freakazoid and Freakazette then pulled out a quintet of cereal boxes, each with an oddball character on the front: a brown-clad caped vampire, a red and magenta patchwork man, a blue bow tie-and-hat wearing ghost, a mummy wrapped in multicolored gauze, and a cartoony werewolf. "We've got Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Boo Berry, Yummy Mummy, and Fruit Brute. Help yourselves!" After setting the boxes down on the table, he then pulled another cord that triggered the appearance of some nozzles that lowered from the ceiling. "Just press the button next to your spoons when you're ready to add milk."

Taking quick notice of those same buttons, the others shrugged and started helping themselves to some of the retro Halloween-themed cereals, adding milk as soon as their bowls were filled. Soon everyone was munching on their respective bowls of breakfast cereal from a bygone era, just in time for their little meeting to start. And start it did, when the two monitors came to life as R.O.D.D.Y. and Naoko joined the group.

"Mornin', lads n' lassies!" the digital Scotsman greeted. "Nice ta see some new and returnin' faces here."

"Good morning, Ritsuko," Naoko greeted. "And Misato, it's been a while since we last met."

Both Misato and Maya's eyes went wide, and their mouths hung open, as they looked from Naoko to Ritsuko for answers, the spoonfuls of cereal they were about to eat hanging in mid-air.

"*Sigh* Basically," Ritsuko began to explain, "the accident that supposedly killed my mother rendered her body comatose while her mind got uploaded and split into the three main components of the MAGI. The body was put into Unit-00, and it's her vengeful soul that's in the EVA's core, hence why it's been hard for Rei to work with it for so long."

Speaking of the First Child, she herself was quite shocked by the appearance of Naoko. Naoko was quick to assuage whatever worries she had.

"Hello Rei," the digitized scientist greeted, "it's been an even longer time since we spoke. Just to set your mind at ease, I don't hold anything against you-Gendo used you to bait me, and I fell for it. I'm sorry for how I reacted back then-I hope we can start over, if that's okay."

"I...thank you, I would not mind that," the bluenette hesitantly replied, surprised by how her reintroduction to the former head of Project-E was going, which was quite unexpectedly. Before she could say anything else, Misato steered the conversation back a bit to something Ritsuko mentioned in her explanation.

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, back up," the major started to ask her longtime friend, "we now know who's in the cores of Units 00 through 02, but what about 03 through 05?"

"What runs those Units is a system that was sort of a reverse forerunner to the dummy system," Ritsuko answered. "Think of them as 'dummy cores'. I can honestly say that no human souls were harmed in the making of those EVAs."

"If you say so," Misato slightly grumbled to herself as she stuck another spoonful of cereal in her mouth.

"So, since wee're all here, let's get down ta brass tacks," R.O.D.D.Y. suggested. "We're gonna be pullin' the upset of the century here, so we gotta make sure we do it right!"

"Right!" Freakazoid agreed. "Which is why I think we're all due for a long-awaited note comparing, hence this early morning jamboree."

A series of nods were exchanged among the NERV members in agreement.

"So!" began Freakazette, "how much do each of you know about our current sitch?"

"Well," Shinji started to answer, "like Asuka and I said earlier, we learned everything, and I mean everything, from our moms while we went through some recent sync tests-the real truth behind Second Impact, SEELE's plan for instrumentality..."

"What the EVAs really are," Asuka continued as she counted off on her fingers, "how our moms and those of a couple others presently here got involved..."

"And how my fath-the Commander plans to double-cross SEELE and take control of instrumentality so he can be with my mom again," Shinji bitterly finished, "the rest of the world be darned."

Misato, Kaji, and Makoto's eyes went wide on hearing this, the three almost looking like they'd spit their milk and cereal out. Thankfully, they showed some restraint and swallowed before a mess could be made.

"Well, that's news to me," Kaji said as he cleared his throat a bit after that hastened swallow. "I always wondered what Ikari was really after, but..."

"Did you know about this, Rits?" Misato asked.

The scientist nodded her head. "I realized whatever thing we had between us wasn't real some time ago," Ritusko explained, "but at the time, I didn't see any way out of being party to his plans."

Shinji grew really surprised at that statement. "Wait, you and my father-?"

"Were involved with each other," Ritsuko answered, "emphasis on past tense."

"Same with myself," Naoko added, "we began seeing each other after your mother's absorption into Unit-01. But it was all a lie, one that I believed for a while, until it was too late."

"Man, did Anno watch a lot of As the World Turns or something?" Freakazoid wondered in whisper while addressing us briefly as he pointed to the conversation.

"A short while after my mother's accident," Ritsuko continued, "he started gradually putting the same moves on me." She then looked at Maya, who gave her a reassuring smile back. "Thanks to Maya, I've been putting that ugly chapter of my life behind me." She then gave Freakazoid a thankful look. "If it weren't for you throwing a whole hardware store's worth of wrenches into his scheming, I don't think I'd be here saying this."

"Glad to hear it," Freakazoid said as he ate another spoonful of cereal. "There's still something that's got me puzzled though."

"What's that?" Makoto asked.

"Twice so far," the male wacky wonder elaborated, "I've been getting hints that something's different about SEELE's plans. It started when Boa-Magnon-"

"Who?" Maya asked.

"Mercenary lady, hired to hunt me down," Freakazoid explained. "She's the daughter of two of my former archvillains, Cave Guy and Cobra Queen. Light blue skin, built like an amazon, wears leopard-print jungle-wear, speaks very upper-crusty-"

Shinji, Asuka, and Rei's eyes widened upon hearing that description.

"Holy schnike," Asuka said, "that's Ms. Mumphry!"

"Who?" Ritsuko asked.

"Ms. Mumphry," Shinji answered, "she became our substitute teacher weeks ago!"

Misato turned back to Freakazoid. "Why am I just hearing about a highly-skilled mercenary infiltrating the school my charges attend now?"

"Relax," Freakazoid answered with a slightly-dismissive handwave, "we've got a truce going on, after I told her what her employers were really up to. She says she'll help when the time's right."

"R.O.D.D.Y. and I double-checked her profile on WikiMercs," Freakazette added, "she's one of those honorable hunter-types, so we should be fine."

"ANYWAY, like I was saying," Freakazoid continued, picking up where he'd left off, "the last time Boa-Magnon and I chatted, she told me that right now SEELE's not being led by Lorenz Kihl, and whoever's running things hired her in the first place and then sent the Lobe after me. All I keep getting are hints, and I'm still not closer to finding out who this new leader is."

Kaji smirked a bit before he spoke. "I can fill in that blank," the agent started to say, "all thanks to our good Commander. He's the one who divulged the new leader's identity to me after the 14th Angel was beaten."

Freakazoid, Freakazette, and even R.O.D.D.Y. looked at Kaji with surprise.

"Who is it?! Spit it out already!" Freakazoid urged in a dramatically-hammy fashion.

"According to the Commander," Kaji explained, looking around at everyone else, "a short while after the 12th Angel was defeated and caught, when the SEELE council met to discuss the aftermath, they were met by an intruder, who somehow sucked Kihl into a laptop and sent him who knows where. That intruder was one of the world's top most wanted criminals: Armando Gutierrez."

Freakazoid and Freakazette's jaws dropped on hearing that familiar name. "Gutierrez?!" they both wondered.

Ritsuko nodded her head. "I can confirm Kaji's story," the scientist said. "I was there with Fuyutsuki when Gutierrez revealed himself to the Commander. He laid down the law, as it were, when it came to SEELE and NERV under his leadership. One of the first things he did when he took over was to cancel the Human Instrumentality Project."

Once again, all present grew very surprised looks on their faces.

"Looks like we'll need to update our moms next time we synch," Asuka said.

"Okay, so SEELE's-well, SEELE under Kihl's-plan is totally kaput," Misato said next. "That's great, right? Then we just have to stop the Commander's."

"Except it's still not gonna be quite that easy, missy," R.O.D.D.Y. responded.

"If I know him as well as I do, Gutierrez is bound to have some bigger plan that'll be just as bad," Freakazoid. "Trust me, he is one highly devious guy."

"How devious are we talking?" Shinji asked.

"Oy, where do I begin..." Freakazoid said as he started counting off on his own fingers, "He tried to make a tidy profit by hiding the flaw in the computer chip that created me, then tried to harness the power within that flaw for himself in an attempt to get revenge, threatened to vaporize the world if I didn't allow myself to be used as the basis for his 'Freak-a-clone' so he could ruin my reputation...the usual stuff. Oh yeah, AND he was behind the initial cancellation of Futurama."

Makoto, Maya, and Ritsuko shrank a bit on hearing that. "Now THAT'S just evil..." Maya said with a grimace.

"You're telling us," Freakazette said in turn, "and we've been fighting him longer than anyone else has."

"So, asking again for a friend," Makoto started to say, "where do we go from here? On the one hand we've got an evil plot we do know about that we are capable of stopping...but on the other hand, there's Gutierrez and whatever he's got in store when all the Angels are defeated, of which there's still two to come."

"Leave the Gutierrez thing to me," Kaji proposed. "Finding out and undermining whatever he's working on is something that really involves spycraft, which is my trade, if my membership packet for Global 33 is any indicator." The others stared at Kaji confusedly on hearing that last statement. "It's the Asian-Pacific chapter of the worldwide espionage union. You didn't hear that from me, though," he elaborated. Which reminds me-note to self: union dues are coming up...

"I'll give him a hand where I can," Naoko volunteered. "Being the main MAGI gives me nearly-unfettered access to the global MAGI network."

"Sounds like a plan," Misato said. "In the meantime, the rest of us should keep up appearances around HQ." She then turned to the pilots. "I know you're thinking you want to do more to help us, but right now the best thing you can do is keep piloting and help take down the remaining two Angels. Let us handle the more down-to-earth matters."

The three pilots nodded affirmatively.

"Aye, and wee'll give ye a hand all the way," R.O.D.D.Y. added. "We'll also work on settin' up proper precautions before either Gutierrez or Gendo can whip out any wee surprises of their own."

Everyone agreed with that sentiment. By the time they'd finished, their bowls were empty and had been whisked away. At that point, everyone got up from the table, since in about 45 minutes it'd be time for the adults to report in to work. Thankfully, Freakazoid showed them a shortcut in via the door that opened above Lilith's cross in Terminal Dogma. Naoko would loop any security footage to absolve them of having entered HQ through the normally off-limits sector. The kids, on the other hand, made their way to the vehicle hangar so they could be dropped off at school. (Misato's car would be secretly put in its usual parking spot in the Geofront.) Along the way, Shinji and Asuka stopped Freakazoid and Freakazette for a moment.

"Been meaning to ask, Rei feeling okay?" Freakazoid asked. "She's been pretty quiet for almost the entire time."

"Well, about that..." Shinji hinted at, before whispering the details into Freakazoid's ear. Freakazoid nodded when he realized what the Third Child was telling him.

"You and Asuka go on ahead and wait in the Freakmobile," the male wacky wonder instructed. "Me and 'Zette will take it from here." Shinji and Asuka nodded at this and proceeded to head further on, while the two Freaks then spoke to Rei.

"You doing okay, Rei?" Freakazette asked.

"I...I am fine, thank you," Rei replied, trying to avoid looking them in the eyes.

"It's okay, you don't have to fib," Freakazoid said as he kneeled down and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Shinji explained what's up. Listen, Rei, teenage crushes are like Tomagatchis: they're fun for a while, but eventually you get over them when the next big thing comes along. (Or when the batteries die out, either way...)"

"Think about Asuka for a minute," Freakazette said as she pointed to the redhead in the distance. "You know about her longtime crush on Kaji, but look what happened after she and Shinji got together. No love lost between them, right?"

Rei, beginning to see the blue-clad heroine's point, nodded 'yes'.

"Then don't worry about it!" Freakazoid said with a smile. "We can still be friends, can't we?"

"I-I guess we can," Rei answered, a small smile beginning to appear on her face. "I would very much like that."

"Besides, I'm sure you'll find somebody," Freakazette added. "I mean come on, blue's the favorite color of nearly everyone in the world."

"That is true," Rei said in turn. "I did once see that a survey from Dulux Paints had confirmed such a statistic."

"Glad we could clear this up," Freakazoid said as he stood back up. "Now come on-let's get you and the others to school. Don't wanna keep Ms. Mumphry waiting!"

With that, the three of them rejoined Shinji and Asuka at the Freakmobile as they all piled in. Soon they were Tokyo-3-bound, and the pilots were dropped off within a block of the school building. Freakazoid and Freakazette then zoomed off so they could change shifts with Kensuke and Mayumi without arousing suspicion.

As they got closer to the school, both Shinji and Asuka then realized something.

"Hang on a sec, you've still got Kablooie with you!" Shinji pointed out.

"And we don't have any time to get him back to your place. How're you going to explain this?" Asuka asked.

Rei gave this some thought for a moment, before she got an idea.

"Simple," the bluenette replied with a tiny smile. "I will say that this is my therapy kitten."

To be continued...

**Author's Note(s)**

I hate to pull the 'clip show' card on you all, but whether people like them or not, they are good for when creatives need a bit of time to refill their font of imagination.

The title of the chapter refers to Basil Exposition, Michael York's recurring character from the Austin Powers movies who was known for his tendency to explain everything one just witnessed in the preceding scene.

Ritsuko's gushing over Kablooie is based on Freakazoid doing the same to the title animal of the season one segment "Foamy the Freakadog". It's also a small nod to the fanfic 'Rei Vs Cats' by author pheonixspike.

The team-up Freakazoid refers to is the two episodes of the 1972 Scooby-Doo franchise entry The New Scooby-Doo Movies, where the Mystery Inc. gang would team up with celebrities or other characters. When they join forces with the Dynamic Duo, it usually involves a plot concocted by the Joker and the Penguin. Those episodes would later be paid tribute to via Batman: The Brave and the Bold, with the episode "Bat-Mite Presents: Batman's Strangest Cases", and the 2018 direct-to-DVD feature Scooby-Doo and Batman: The Brave and the Bold.

The Freak-a-fall's only appearance was in the season one segment "Next Time, Phone Ahead".

The cereals our heroes eat were all a line made by General Mills that debuted in 1971, and have reappeared usually around Halloween as a special limited release.

Freakazoid, when listing off Gutierrez's plots, recounts the villain's major appearances in season one's "The Chip" saga and "The Wrath of Gutierrez", and season two's "Heroboy".

A 2011 Dulux Paints survey did in fact confirm that 72% of respondents did have blue as their favorite color.