June 24th, 2018
There was a bubbling fountain the garden. Each breath Yahaba took was shallow but steady. Foliage lazily waved in the wind as Nurse Arima pushed his wheelchair down the garden pathway. She was talking to him as she pushed but her words fell on deaf ears.
A butterfly landed on his knee. Yahaba blinked, taken aback.
"Oh," said Nurse Arima, stopping them in the middle of the path. "How pretty."
"Yeah," Yahaba agreed, quietly. The butterfly stayed stock-still on his leg. "Pretty."
Pretty.
Beautiful.
Oikawa.
Yahaba took a deep breath.
A new day.
He forgot how long he had been here, but he remembered everything. The confrontation with Kunimi, Yachi's terrified screaming... and everything before that, too.
A specialist had dealt with him at the ward.
Delusional disorder, Yahaba remembered his diagnosis to be. A mental disorder with a variety of causes—a disorder that made the affected fixated on a false belief. A disorder that was commonly a partial symptom of schizophrenia. The specialist and his team of nurses had helped him through it with psychodrama of all things.
He found it hard to believe that he had ever been sick.
Now, the only thing that ailed him was a constant fatigue that had seeped into his body during his recovery.
The me that I want to be...
In his mind's eye, Oikawa grinned.
Yahaba chuckled to himself, gaining a confused look from Arima that he didn't see. Sorry. I don't think you were ever the right role for me, senpai. He glance heavenward, admiring the blue sky overhead. I wonder what everyone is up to. He would be out of here in a few days. Back into the world as himself and not the shadow of a dead man. Relapse was scarily possible, but Yahaba wasn't worried. The only thing that plagued him at the moment was—
I miss everyone.
The butterfly flew off, Yahaba's gaze following it until it disappeared behind a shrub. "Nurse," he requested, "Could you get me some water, please?" He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry."
"No worries," Arima said, waving off his apology. "I'll be back in a moment." She parked his wheelchair at a scenic spot in front of the fountain.
Yahaba closed his eyes, enjoying the temporary peace. Nothing against Arima, of course, but he found that if he didn't have the company of his friends, it was better to be alone. He could hear the cicadas chirping from the surrounding trees, announcing the hearty arrival of midsummer. Where will I go after this? Back to school? Yeah. I'll probably need to repeat the semester, though... That would be fine. It just meant he would be finishing graduate school two semesters ahead of Kindaichi instead of three. Ah, man. Kindaichi. Kunimi. I owe 'em both an apology.
Maybe he would have given Goshiki one, too, had he still been alive.
Yahaba had heard.
The doctors had thought it would be best for him to know about it even though his parents had objected.
He was grateful for that.
Mom and dad never really knew me, anyway.
In fact, the only two people who had really seen his true face were—
Not here.
Grass crunched beneath shoes. Yahaba's ears pricked. "Arima-san?"
"Wrong," a gruff voice replied him.
Yahaba's jaw went slack as he gaped at the forestry in front of him. No... It can't be... This is impossible? Gulping, he said, timidly, "Kyoutani...?" Unable to fight back his curiosity any longer—it burned his veins—Yahaba turned his wheelchair around. His heart rose to his throat, choking out whatever he'd been about to say next.
Tsuji Runa and Kyoutani Kentarou stood together—blond and raven hair.
They looked older, wiser, sadder, happier.
Yahaba burst into tears. He didn't even move—he just cried. He cried, and cried, and cried, barely registering the way they moved next to him, putting their arms around his too-frail shoulders.
And even though he knew the answers, he still wanted to ask the questions.
What have we become?
How did we get here?
When did we grow so old?
"It's been so lonely," Yahaba wept, freely and unashamedly. "Without the two of you here."
"We're here now," Tsuji whispered, her breath hot against his ear. "We're not going anywhere."
May 12th, 2018
I can't do this anymore.
Tsuji stood outside the Aoba Building, her coworkers coming out in small groups as they clocked out. It was evening, and Tsuji would be heading home to nobody soon. No boyfriend, no friends, and parents too busy enjoying retirement to bother with her. This was not the sort of life she had imagined herself living when she had been in high school. She'd been so determined back then—determined to become a fashion designer and revolutionize the industry with her creativity. Determined to get the man of her dreams and become a cosmopolitan woman instead of a country bumpkin. She'd been pretty, flighty, popular, and had taken all the right marketing and design courses in university she needed to reach the top.
But she had never gotten there, and now she was single, lonely, and working a nine to five office job five days a week. Brilliant.
It was almost laughable, really, what she had become.
She'd been so vain during her school years—and for what? She had nothing to brag about now. No achievements in sight. Tsuji Runa was a lowly accountant and nothing more. The best thing she had going for her was her savings account. Frugality wasn't exactly flashy or even desirable by any means.
"Hey, you alright?"
Tsuji startled at the sound of Yamaguchi Tadashi's voice. Then she relaxed as he sidled up to her, carrying a briefcase. His red lanyard was stark against his pressed shirt. "I'm fine," she said, trying to smile.
Yamaguchi looked concern. "Are you sure? You look a little... sad."
Bless Yamaguchi and his caring heart. An accountant like her, he was probably the person she was closest to at the office, but they had never really crossed the line of being more than coworkers. Sometimes, she wished she had the courage and energy to offer him her friendship.
"I'm fine," Tsuji insisted. "Really, Yamaguchi-san. I'm just a little tired, that's all."
"I'll drive you home," Yamaguchi offered.
Tsuji shook her head. "Our houses are in the opposite direction. I'll take a taxi. It's okay, Yamaguchi-san. I mean it." She dipped her head to him. "Goodnight." Before he could continue to be kind to her, she went away, pretending to be texting on her phone on the way to the taxi stop. I can't take advantage of him like that. I bet he's just as tired as I am.
To put it simply, her phone was dry. No one had texted her in the past eight hours. Tsuji sighed. When had her troubles all started, anyway? She had never had any problems making friends... But keeping them was another story, especially as she got older.
At least tomorrow is Sunday. Her days off were Sunday and Monday—from Tuesday to Saturday, she would be working. I wonder what I can do... Other girls my age would probably be going out with their friends or boyfriends... Tsuji clutched her phone to her chest as she waited for a taxi to come by. I miss them.
She probably seemed like a total loser thinking this, but she wanted to go back to her high school days. Back then, she'd been friends with two of the best boys she had ever met. Their friendship hadn't been perfect by any stretch, but she had felt so comfortable and safe around them.
Kyoutani-kun... Shigeru-kun...
It only hit her harder when she recalled what her mom had told her over the phone the other day. Apparently, Tsuji's mom had heard from Yahaba's mom that Yahaba had been admitted into a psych ward after he had some sort of breakdown. What happened to you, Shigeru-kun? she wondered woefully. I... I want to see you again so bad. Both of you. I...
"I can't do this anymore," Tsuji said aloud.
With shaking fingers, she typed out a name in her contacts that she had not accessed for years.
Kyoutani-kun :)
Her last message to him was from 2014, sometime before high school graduation congratulating him on his exam scores. It had been left on read.
Mindlessly, she shot him a message, not even considering the fact that he may have changed his number since the last time they had seen one another.
[Tsuji]: Kyoutani-kun, please text me back as soon as you get this. It's about Shigeru-kun.
No reply.
That was fine.
Even back then, Kyoutani hadn't been the type to frequently use his phone, anyway.
A taxi rolled up.
May 13th, 2018
Tsuji blearily opened her eyes, yawning. What time was it? She had stayed up quite late last night, waiting for a message that never came. As she sat up in her bed, hair sticking up in the air on one side of her head, she palmed her nightstand for her phone, which was charging.
Turning it on, she wasn't expecting any chat notifications on her lock screen.
But—
"Oh my god!" Tsuji shrieked, eyes popping open and now fully awake. Three new messages from Kyoutani-kun?! Am I dreaming?! If she was, she never wanted to wake up. Swiping to the right, she hastily unlocked her phone and opened the conversation.
They had been sent at around seven in the morning. Of course an athlete like Kyoutani would be waking up so early on a Sunday...
[Kyoutani]: Come meet me here
[Kyoutani]: Open image
[Kyoutani]: 10 o'clock ok
Tsuji opened and saved the image address. It was to a cafe not too far from her apartment. Then she spotted the time on the corner of her phone. It was already nine-thirty?! Squeaking, Tsuji scrambled out of bed and shot to the bathroom to freshen up and do her hair and makeup.
At nine-fifty, she plaited her hair into its usual side-braid and slipped on her casual heels. Stumbling outside, she locked the door behind her and hurried downstairs.
"Good morning, Tsuji-san," said her kindly neighbor.
"Good morning, ma'am!" Tsuji returned before exiting the compound.
She power-walked the whole way to the cafe, chest heaving up and down by the time she arrived.
Five past ten.
Tsuji straightened and pushed the door open, having already spotted Kyoutani's blond head from the shop window. Her hands were strangely clammy. She wiped them down on her skirt, then cleared her throat. "Hello? Kyoutani-kun?" She sat down in front of him.
Kyoutani looked... the same. He hadn't changed much at all. His hairstyle was slightly different, but that was all. He sorta looks like a tennis ball, actually...
"Huh." Kyoutani looked her up and down. "You haven't changed a bit."
Tsuji laughed. "Like you can talk! Kyoutani-kun, you look the same as you did in high school!"
"Do not," he retorted. "I'm taller now. You're still short and weak."
"Weak?" echoed Tsuji. "I was the captain of the softball team in our third year of high school, I'll have you know."
"You keep bringing up high school..."
I do? Tsuji hadn't even noticed. Gosh, what's wrong with me? I don't want to be someone who peaked in high school! This a sign that I'm becoming like one of them! But... there's nothing really to talk about when it comes to my current life... "Sorry." She tried to laugh it off. "Guess seeing you just reminded me of those days."
"You said this was about Yahaba." Straight to the meat of the matter. Kyoutani had never been the type to beat around the bush. Seemed that part of him hadn't changed either.
Tsuji nodded, steeling her resolve. "That's right," she said, solemn. "I got a call from my mom the other day. Yahaba... He had a breakdown, and now he's recovering in a mental institution. We," her voice broke a little, and her cheeks colored in embarrassment, "should go see him."
For too long, Kyoutani just stared at her. Like she was some brand of crazy. Finally, he asked, "Why?"
"Eh? What do you mean why?"
"Why now?" Kyoutani frowned. "After so long... I thought you would've forgotten us by now."
Tsuji bit her lip. "Is that what you want? To just... forget it all?"
"I..." Hesitant, Kyoutani tapped his foot against the leg of the table. "I was doing just fine without you and Yahaba."
"Oh." Tsuji's heart sunk, but she couldn't blame Kyoutani. Even emotional, volatile Kyoutani had gotten his life together after Oikawa's death—the very event that had been the catalyst of the irreparable cracks in their friendship. For a moment, she felt ashamed. It's like everyone has it good except me. It was a pitiful way of thinking and she tried to shake it off. No! Focus on the matter. This isn't just about you, it's about Yahaba. "Well," she said. "I'll be honest with you, then. I've missed you. I've missed you and Shigeru-kun... To the point where it hurts thinking about you guys. We used to be so close. What happened? Kyoutani-kun—I'm selfish. I just... want to have what we used to have. I've been," to her horror, she began to tear up, "so lonely without you two."
Some indecipherable emotion flashed in Kyoutani's usually fierce eyes. "Tsuji—"
"Shigeru-kun and I... Our friendship couldn't survive without you. But I don't want to ruin your life. If you don't want to see us, that's fine. I know how bad things got back then. I just... I just wanted to see if things could work out." Stop crying! she scolded herself, trying to ignore the building wetness in her eyes. None of them had fallen yet, but they would soon, and she needed to leave before Kyoutani could see them and think that she was trying to emotionally manipulate him. "Um, I-I hope you don't mind if I call you once in a while. Oh, and—I'm gonna go visit Shigeru-kun."
"Tsuji, will you shut up for a second?" Kyoutani growled. "Sit. Down. Don't interrupt me."
She huffed. "You really have such an awful way with words!"
"Because you're so damn annoying!"
Maybe there was something broken in her mind, because she snickered. If I had a yen for every time he said that to me or Shigeru-kun... Tsuji was wrong—he had changed, and she was beginning to notice it now. His edges had been dulled by the years. He sounded nowhere as cruel as he had during their school days. Even when he snapped at her, his tone had been lukewarm at best.
"Look," Kyoutani sighed. "I was doing fine. But that doesn't mean... That I'll just—I'll just ignore this. Fuck, Tsuji—he was my friend, too. You both were." He glared at the table. "I was a piss-baby coward back then. Running away like that. I won't do it again. Especially if Yahaba needs us."
"So..." Tsuji looked at him with wide eyes. "You'll do it? You'll come see him with me?"
Kyoutani contemplated his response. "What if I want to do more than that?" he asked her, quite seriously.
"Like what?"
"How much is your apartment rent?"
Tsuji grimaced. "More than it's worth, if I'm being honest. Yours?"
"Cheap. I live in a block for the team."
Lucky bastard. Tsuji leaned back in her chair and waved a waitress over for an iced coffee. Once she was gone, Tsuji asked, "Where are you going with this?"
Kyoutani shrugged. "Wanna live together?"
"What?!"
Later that day, Tsuji returned home and fell into her bed in a daze. Kyoutani-kun... wants to live together... with me and Shigeru-kun? It had been the last thing she would've expected for him to suggest, especially so straightforwardly!
In the end, she had told him that she would think about it.
Is he insane?! a part of her screamed in her mind. Does he even realize what the implications of a young, sexy girl like me sharing a home with more than one guy are?!
But the bigger part of her pushed it aside. The bigger part of her wanted it so badly that it ached. To move out of this shitty studio apartment and share a place with two of her most precious people with six years of silence to catch up on... Goddammit. This would mean uprooting, well, everything. I'm financially stable, but that could change at any time.
Can... Can I really take this leap?
Am... I ready for this?
Tsuji buried her face in her pillow.
June 3rd, 2018
"We're just looking," Tsuji said for the nth time that day.
Fucking hell. Kyoutani deadpanned at her as they got off the bus together. "Are you a broken record or something?"
Tsuji sniffed. "We have to be careful about this."
"Whatever. I'm not worried about money."
"Of course you're not, you... you volleyball butthead!"
"Butthead?" Kyoutani parroted. "Did you just call me a butthead?" She's so weird. He smiled, though, making sure to walk ahead of her so she wouldn't be able to see it. He could've also called her something a lot worse and unforgivable but he refrained from doing so. He didn't need Tsuji to show up in his apartment while he was asleep and deck him on the head with her softball bat on top of everything else.
"And?" retorted Tsuji. "It's true! We're moving in together and you're not even considering the financial strain!"
"Calm down. It's a boarding house, not a damn luxury condo."
They arrived at the boarding house five minutes later. Kyoutani could practically see the gears in Tsuji's head turning as she noted down the convenience of the bus stop being nearby the house.
The landlord came out to greet them. "Welcome!"
A tour of the house proceeded. According to the landlord, there were currently four other occupants—the maximum amount of people the place could house was six, but one of the occupants would be moving out to a university dorm next semester, which meant there was enough space for three additional persons.
"Your new roommates are all out today," the landlord said as he led them to the common living space. "But here's a list of all their names!" He pointed to a piece of paper stuck on the wall.
The list of names read:
Akaashi Keiji
Yamamoto Akane
Kawanishi Taichi
Nametsu Mai
"She," the landlord pointed to Akane's name, which was written in neat cursive, "secured an on-campus dorm, so we'll be saying goodbye to her soon. But," he chuckled, "just in time for the three of you, huh? Where's the third one, anyway?"
"Oh, he's busy today," Tsuji replied, lying as easily as she breathed. "Can you show us the kitchen, please?"
Tsuji took care of most of the talking. Kyoutani mostly just wandered around, observing the interior of the household. No matter—Tsuji was a far better conversationalist than he was anyway. It made him wonder, truly, how she could possibly be so lonely.
Back in school, she was always surrounded by friends and admirers, Kyoutani thought, eyeing the back of Tsuji's head. Before she could catch him staring, he turned his head and pretended to find great interest in a plastic potted plant in the hall. I didn't realize... You'd depend on us so much.
The tour was approximately twenty minutes long. By the time they emerged, talking of accommodations fees and money and all that junk, the eleven o'clock NPA broadcast had already begun. Kyoutani plugged his earphones in and watched on his phone.
"Good morning, Japan. I am Inspector Yagami Light. Today, I am speaking on behalf of all of the NPA. We promised the citizens of Japan to fulfill our responsibilities of upholding justice. But today, the weight of injustice sits heavy upon our shoulders. There is no way around it. We have failed. The NPA... fully acknowledges the consequences of our failure and the pain we have caused the Iwaizumi, Oikawa, and Miya families."
"Tch." Kyoutani clicked his tongue. "Leave it up to the authorities for an empty apology..." This is just damage control. He glanced over at where Tsuji and the landlord were still speaking. At some point, Tsuji had whipped out a pocket calculator.
Kyoutani Kentarou liked his life.
But he also had many regrets.
I shouldn't have run away.
What an overemotional brat he had been back then. Yahaba hadn't been much better, and Tsuji had been too passive in her attempts to reconcile them, but... At least we have a chance now, right?
"Fine. I'll do it." Tsuji's voice wafted through the air. "I'll write up a cheque..."
"What?" Kyoutani strode over to where they were standing, yanking his earphones out and shoving his phone back into his jeans pocket. "A cheque for what?"
"I'm putting a deposit in so that we effectively have claim over the three spots."
"Didn't you say that we were just gonna look today?" For an accountant, Tsuji was unbelievable. "What happened to that? Are you stupid?"
Tsuji pouted. "This place is perfect, Kyoutani-kun! And... And I have faith in Yahaba-kun's recovery! I think he'll want to live with us once he leaves the institution! And our roommates are all young guys and girls like us!"
"You better not regret this," warned Kyoutani.
"I won't!" Tsuji beamed.
Kyoutani huffed a sigh. Silly girl.
June 24th, 2018
"It's been so lonely without the two of you here," Yahaba confessed through snot and tears. Kyoutani couldn't see his face. A part of him was thankful for that—if he saw, he didn't know what he would do.
"We're here now," Tsuji said, on the verge of tears. "We're not going anywhere."
A promise.
When they had first been escorted out the garden with their visitors passes hanging around their necks, Kyoutani hadn't known what to expect. But seeing Yahaba in a wheelchair—
Kyoutani exhaled sharply. "You idiot."
Yahaba tilted his chin up, blinking up at Kyoutani wide large brown eyes. His cheeks were stained with tear-tracks. "Eh?"
"If you weren't in a wheelchair, I'd smack the shit outta you," Kyoutani ground out, trying to ignore the way he could feel his sinuses building up. Don't cry. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry—
"Kyoutani-kun!" berated Tsuji, horrified. "You—"
Whatever she'd been about to say next went unheard as Kyoutani sank to his knees in front of Yahaba. Now Yahaba was the one looking down at him, surprise still scrawled across his features. He was still crying but Kyoutani didn't think Yahaba even noticed. "Are—are you alright now? If you're not, it's fine. But once you are, we have lots of things to do."
Yahaba sniffed. "Like what?"
"We're gonna go to the arcade," Kyoutani told him. "We're gonna drive to the beach—Tsuji has her license even if she doesn't have a car; we can rent one—and go for a hike in the mountains. We're gonna play volleyball and eat watermelon and relax afterwards at an onsen. We'll wake up every morning in the same house. We'll get so fucking sick of each other that we'll want to beat each other up. But that won't matter in the end because we'll order a pizza for dinner and get drunk on convenience store beers and laugh at how stupid we all are. Do you want that? Do you want that, Yahaba Shigeru?"
Tsuji covered her mouth with her hands, facing away from them so they wouldn't see her break down.
"Yes!" Yahaba burst out. "Yes! Let's... Let's do all of that!"
Kyoutani flinched when Yahaba reached forward and clutched his face, but ultimately stayed still. The pads of Yahaba's thumbs grazed across a spot under his eye, coming back wet.
"I've missed you guys."
Dammit! Kyoutani bit down on his lip so hard that he drew blood. Unable to say anything else, he patted the grass off his knees and clung to Yahaba's skinny frame, Tsuji coming in for another hug from the other side.
A/N: Nurse Arima Wakana is from a Death Note one-shot I wrote last December I believe. I originally planned for only one more chapter left after this, but it'll have to be 2 more instead.
