February 9th 2021
Chapter 40
Our Hopes For Awards
Even before the actual show started, Maya and Lucas both were left feeling the slightest bit like tourists, visitors in a world that was outside of their own. This was not a bad thing, no, not even a little. It was kind of exciting, actually. They would lose count of the number of times, throughout the evening, where they would either look at each other, or simply hold hands, with this awareness of 'look at where we are right now.' That might have been the thing, for Maya especially, that kept the next few hours rolling without completely derailing into any loss of composure.
It might have been that, after going through the tour last summer, being in this place, attending this show, would not feel so surreal, but it did. That word was just constantly attached to her experiences these days. Surreal… Surely, sooner or later, she'd run out of things to surprise her, right? Maybe? Maybe not? Hopefully not… Truly, hopefully…
Maya tried so hard not to look like she was taking pointers from watching how everyone around her was behaving or reacting as the show started, so not to look like a kid at their first fancy dinner, checking to see what fork she should use next. If anyone noticed, she'd say that only Lucas really picked up on it, and he sure wasn't telling. All he would do, and did, would be to reach for her hand, give it a squeeze. You're doing fine. Be yourself. She was fascinated, motivated, just being here, and she shouldn't feel like she needed to hide it.
Even as the opening number – which had been mind blowing and kept everyone on their feet the whole time – came to an end, Maya would sit back down and spot a familiar face, off in another aisle. Alright, there was no lack of familiar faces anywhere here tonight, but this one felt particularly important to her when she saw it.
Neil Tolliver, lead singer of the Marvelers… I sang with him once… There was the rest of the band, too, sitting nearby. She wondered if they remembered the night when they'd played in Houston, six years ago, when their second opening act had needed to be replaced all of a sudden, and the spot had been filled with the girls of TXNY. Neil and the others – his sister Aimee, her husband Marty, his sister Tamsyn, and their childhood friend Leonard – had been the picture of professionalism, of openness. They had looked into the college girls' music ahead of their arrival, had welcomed them into the show. And later on, after TXNY had done its part and they'd been listening to the Marvelers, Neil Tolliver had called for Maya to come out on stage and join him for a turn. She'd been taken by surprise, and she'd hesitated to put herself in any way above the rest, but her bandmates had insisted she go, and so she had. It was a good thing she knew the songs already, because she was almost certain half her brain had been too busy screaming as she stood there and sang with the man.
She tried to discreetly show Lucas, because of course he'd remember it, too. Ree noticed her looking, too, so she leaned to quickly whisper and explain what that was about. Hearing about the night, the duet, Ree looked amused.
"You mean to say I wasn't your first big duet, huh?" she whispered back in mock disappointment, making Maya chuckle. "He's a great guy, Neil is. You should go and say hi when you get the chance."
"Oh, that's alright, I'm not…" Maya shook her head.
"He'll remember you, trust me."
The subject of Mr. Tolliver and his band had to be pushed back for the time being, as the show was still going on, and soon the awards started being handed out. There were five categories where either Ree or Maya or both together were among the nominees, so it was only to be expected that Maya's nerves would be most on edge as they waited for the first of these to come along, and finally it did, with the category of best pop solo performance, for Ree alone. Looking at her, Maya felt like the singer had zero expectations to be going up there for this. Despite everything she had done in recent years, and the success being showered upon her over the new album, Maya knew how the woman saw herself as present but not necessarily leading the charge. She was really just glad to have been nominated, to be here. So, when they called her name, there were easily two whole seconds before she realized – with her daughter and husband to one side and Maya to the other and all three of them telling her that she'd won – and reacted.
Oh, that was really the biggest thrill of the night so far, which was really saying something. Maya watched her go up there, and it truly felt as though, for all that Ree had done for her, back when she'd just been that singer whose music she'd been introduced to by her mother, now she had done something for her in return. She had helped get her into this position. And to see her, so humble up there… It was just so well deserved.
Ree was also set to present one category that night, which came near enough to her own win that she remained backstage a while longer. This made it so that, when the next noted category came along – best pop vocal album – right after the one she'd presented, she was not back yet. They had only sort of briefly discussed what was to happen in the event that they won this award or that one, where it was as much Ree's win as Maya's. There was still this part of her that felt unsure of her place, though Ree would insist that she belonged up there with her for those three categories where they were named together. When she won this second award though, with Ree already out there, Maya couldn't make herself move. Lucas was telling her to go, as were Peter Sutcliffe and his daughter, but she stayed in her seat, watched as Ree walked back on to the stage.
Thankfully, Ree didn't call her on it, though she absolutely rained praise upon her, in a way that seemed to say, 'there is a strong possibility that I will be back here again, so I should leave space for myself to go when that happens.' When she returned to her seat at last, she gave Maya a look, not reproachful, more attentive and caring, like she wanted to know that everything was alright. It so often seemed, more and more, that Ree would look at her with an affection almost motherly, and now she wanted to ensure that all was well.
"I'm sorry, I should have gone, I just…" Maya whispered at her, but Ree shook her head and reached for her hand.
"It's alright, now, I say if you need back up and you have it, you go ahead and take it," she told her, with a smile that stated plainly – as though she didn't know it by now – that Ree was this back up. Maya smiled and nodded. "Next time though," Ree wagged her finger between the two of them.
"Definitely," Maya promised.
Well, 'next time' might not have been exactly correct. After several more categories, and mind blowing performances to calm her spirits, the next time either of them was named, it was actually Maya on her own, the one category she had admittedly been most nervous about. Song of the year. This one was all hers to take. It would be her name alone they called if she won.
For the reaction it got out of Lucas at her side, she could only imagine what it did back in the apartment where her parents would be watching, along with her daughter, or back in Texas with friends and family, same in Arizona, and New York, and many more places all around the world, where people knew her and kept her in their hearts… She could only imagine how they all reacted when they called her name.
Maya herself, almost like Ree earlier, had that small delay of reaction, like maybe they were still reading out the nominees and she'd spaced out. Feel your heart beating, feel his hand with yours, this is reality.
"I have to go now…" she whispered, caught in Lucas' smile, bright with proud tears for her even as he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her and she kept her forehead pressed to his for an extra beat. He reached for her bag for her and at the same time passed her the things she'd asked him to hold on to, like she'd known she'd space out and risk forgetting if this moment came through. The moment he did, it felt like some of her awareness returned and she was able to get on her feet. She turned to Ree, who was now standing with her, and the singer embraced her with great energy.
"Just breathe," she told her, and Maya nodded, feeling taken with shivers as she walked toward the stage. She was just mildly aware of the sound around her, from the song, Ree's voice, echoing around, and the cheers of the crowd… All these people… It all made it feel that much more real, even though it still didn't entirely feel possible. But then she was standing up there, and the award was put in her hand, and… yeah… it was real.
Right when she opened her mouth to speak, it felt like the words left her, and she had to take another breath, caught under the overwhelming weight of what was happening and the emotions it awakened in her. But then she could hear everyone out there, like they were encouraging her to try again. The thing that did it though was to catch that call, somewhere in the cacophony. Lucas… their old call… It made her laugh, even as she cried, and she looked out there, found him where he stood.
"Wow, okay…" she nodded to herself, looked down a moment. In one hand, she had the award, and in the other… "I tried to figure out what I'd say if I ended up here tonight, and I couldn't do it, there was just… so much. And then my father helped me. I didn't need a speech, I needed inspiration. There's so much of it out there, but for me most of the time, it's about people, my people… these people." She held up what she'd been holding as she went up, what Lucas had given her.
To most people seeing her go, it could have looked like paper, written words. Instead, they got to discover what she actually held. Photos, four of them. The first was a great group shot, taken on the day of her baby shower, when so many of them had been with her. The next showed her family, a few years back, the Hunters and the Harts, Kermit with them. Then there was one of her and her friends, on the trip to Europe after senior year. And the last, the most recent… Lucas and Marianne and her… All those people out in the audience, they wouldn't be able to see the details, but it didn't matter. They got what it was, what it meant to her.
"I could speak as fast as I can, in the time I'm given here, and I'd barely scratch the surface of speaking the names that brought me here. None of it would have ever happened without them. I am who I am because of them, I am inspired by them, every day of my life, I…" she pressed the photos to her heart, had to take another breath. "Wherever you are out there, you know who you are, you know what you mean to me, but I need to say it anyway. Thank you… so much… Ree Forster, I couldn't think of anyone with a kinder heart and hand, it's been a privilege to go on this journey with you, to count you as a friend," she looked out to where she could find her, standing with Lucas, halfway hugging him as she looked out at her, laughing and hooting back at her, getting a laugh out of everyone else, too, Maya included, even as she took one more breath, looking to the man at her side. "Lucas Friar… I'd need the whole length of this show and then some for you," she shook her head, chuckling. "But I tell you every day, and you do, too, one way or another. You're with me, wherever I go," she touched her heart again, and to see him out there, signing a very emphatic '732,' it just sent a new trill in her heart, needing to be back with him, and with their girl. One of those would definitely happen soon, and it kept her going so she could finish her thanks and exit the stage. The night wasn't even over…
TO BE CONTINUED
See you tomorrow! - mooners
