AN: This one was a collab, of sorts. Someone else (EchoPhantom) wrote a more basic version of the original scene, I (with their permission) expanded on it, and thus exists "I Was Nervous On My First Day Too". Since in the end the bulk of it's my writing, technically, might as well share it here.

Post-Doof 101, obviously. And, shockingly for me, third limited pov.


The loud crash coming from the direction of Heinz's door is familiar, if unexpected. Actually unexpected. For one thing, it's like 5 in the morning, and he knows Perry the Platypus was not a morning platyperson. For another-

Groaning, Heinz rubs his hands over his face, staring blearily at the ceiling. "Perry the Platypus, what are you doing here?" he complains through the door, deciding now was a good time to get up, since he was awake now. "It's a Monday, you know I teach my classes today!"

Heinz wasn't even Evil any more. No more schemes, no more inators, some monologues because Perry the Platypus couldn't expect him to stop after this long, and nothing to thwart. No plans for it, either. No reason for Perry the Platypus to come over whatsoever. That the agent has burst in anyway, walking over to his wardrobe and digging through it...

"Wh- Hey! Perry the Platypus, don't you know it's rude to just waltz into your neme- right, ex-nemesis's bedroom, and start going through his clothes?"

Perry the Platypus did not stop. In fact, he redoubles his efforts, tossing formerly clean clothes onto the floor.

"Are you alright?" Heinz has to ask, climbing out of bed to pick up the contents of his wardrobe where the agent had tossed it. Some of it was still neat enough to wear, and it wasn't like he hadn't gotten dressed in front of Perry the Platypus before, this was fine. "It's just, I've never seen you like this before-"

Cutting Heinz off with a shake of his head, Perry chitters, more shaky and stressed than normal. Heinz would know. He's only fought Perry the Platypus a lot, he knows what normal looked like for the agent, and this is not it.

He also knows his nemesis- ex-nemesis- well enough to pick up on the furrow in his brow and its meaning. "You need some of my clothes? Why, did Monobrow finally run out of budget?" A low blow, but now that he wasn't Evil he's allowed to hear Perry the Platypus's frustrations, and that had made the top of the list on multiple occasions.

Another head shake and Perry the Platypus lifts a bow tie in one paw, gesturing at the stack of papers spread over the bed with the other. So Heinz had fallen asleep while marking tests, so what?

"Wh- oh, you joined the school? You're my assistant teacher for realsies?"

Perry the Platypus nods, shoving the bow tie into Heinz's hands and jumping onto the bed. Turning around, he gives Heinz an expectant look, his head nearly coming up to Heinz's shoulders.

"-and you need me to make you look good for your first day?" Heinz finishes, rubbing his thumb along the smooth fabric in his hands. A nice orange silk he'd bought on a whim, hidden in the back of his wardrobe and never worn, it matches Perry the Platypus's handsome bill. "Alright then. But first, we have to fix that fur of yours, look at it! It's a tangled mess!"

All Perry the Platypus does at that is roll his eyes, so Heinz sets the bow tie aside, pulls out the comb, and sets to work. It's just like grooming his ocelot family, just without the expectation that Heinz use his tongue. And Perry the Platypus seems to enjoy it.

By the time he's done, Perry the Platypus looks incredibly- "Handsome," he murmurs. "You'll do great, I'm sure of it."


Perry the Platypus is wearing a different fedora, Heinz notices, just before class starts. It looks identical to all his others, but he can tell.

"Nervous?" he asks, seeing Perry the Platypus's tail twitch, and gets a glare for his trouble. "Of course not, you're Perry the Platypus, you don't get nervous. Come on, you'll do fine, they'll love you. We'll make a great team, won't we? You're already a great assistant teacher and now it's official!"

Rolling his eyes, Perry the Platypus turns back to his tea, pointedly. That's something Heinz had been surprised to find out about his nemesis after all this time, that he preferred tea to coffee.

As the students file in, Heinz stands. "Good to see you all again! As you know, I've had an assistant teacher for a while- I mean I guess you don't, he's never helped me with you before- The point is. Class, meet-"

"Perry?" an orange-haired girl asks. One of Vanessa's friends, you never learned their names.

Noticing Perry the Platypus stiffen in place, Heinz crouches down by his nemesis's tall stool. "Do you know that girl?" he says quietly, getting a slight nod in response. "Did you know she was going to be here?" Another, smaller, nod. "Do you want to talk to her?"

Perry the Platypus's eyes widen at that and he turns, slightly, just enough to see Heinz. His version of panicking.

"You there, with the orange hair, meet me and Mr Platypus out in the hallway. Everyone else, I hope you've finished your homework," he finishes pointedly, and leads Perry the Platypus outside. "It's kind of weird that she knows your name, Perry the Platypus. Is there something you're not telling me?"

The door clicks shut as the girl, thankfully understanding the need for privacy in this open hallway, joins them. "Perry? That is you, isn't it? Is this where you go every day? You're a teacher?"

"Teacher's assistant," Heinz corrects, automatically. "And this is his first day, officially. Sure, he's helped me out before, we're-" Glancing down at Perry the Platypus's face, he edits the excuse. "-friends. He visits me a lot, at least."

"My brothers' pet is an assistant teacher," she says flatly, folding her arms. "When were you going to tell me, Perry?"

Perry the Platypus flinches, and it's subtle enough that the girl doesn't seem to notice. Heinz only recognises it because he knows his nemesis so well. Something happened there, clearly. There has to be some reason Perry the Platypus never told the family he apparently has.

With another glance at Perry the Platypus, Heinz settles on an explanation. "He, uh. So I'm an inventor, I make inators, I'm sure you've heard about my classes before-" Vanessa always did. "-and, well... He keeps me company sometimes while I do it. I guess he got caught in one of them one day?" Technically true, if he squinted. Enough truth in there that the far bigger lie should slip under the radar. "Does that answer your question?"

"I guess it does," the girl says, obviously reluctant. "I'm not helping you tell Phineas and Ferb though, meat brick. You're on your own there." Then she turns, returning to the classroom.

"That went well?" Heinz tries, and Perry the Platypus hugs his leg tight. "Oh, better than you'd hoped. Well, you're welcome, I couldn't just let my nemesis- ex-nemesis, fine- get in trouble for helping me. I really do appreciate your help, you know. So, when you're done wiping your nose on my trousers, which is gross by the way, we can go back in and I'll try not to cause too many problems for you. How does that sound, huh?"

Perry looks up with a sniffle, somehow smiling, and that makes the whole situation worth all the trouble. Not that it wasn't already, Heinz never did mind his nemesis's company outside the time they were required to spend together, but the point stands.

Grinning back, Heinz rests his hand on the door. "You owe me for this, you know. Ready?"

The thumbs-up he got in return was answer enough. Perry the Platypus was fine, and they had a class to teach, together. The rest could wait.


Major Francis Monobrow calls Perry the Platypus during his lunch break, fuming on the tiny watch screen. "Agent P, your cover has been compromised, we need you to-"

"Wait," Heinz says, shoving his face into frame. "Cover? We only talked to that girl-"

"Part of Agent P's host family," Monobrow explains, and Heinz files that information away. Not for Evil, like he would have done over the summer, but just to understand his nemesis better. "If they find out he's an agent-"

"She didn't." Heinz doesn't feel bad about cutting him off, not that he ever did in the first place, but Perry the Platypus is shaking against his shoulder and that's not something he'll accept. "I was there, and all I said was that he visited me and got inator'd a lot. Which is true. Not my fault if she reaches the conclusion he's smart because of my inator." Maybe his fault. Okay, so he'd deliberately made it sound like that was the reason. "I've read your agency's rules, there's nothing in there saying you have to reassign him because his family found out he's an assistant teacher."

"Sir?" the intern's voice says from offscreen. "He's right. We only reassign agents when-"

"When their agent status is compromised," Heinz finishes, gleefully. Vindication. "And I did nothing of the sort. Tell him, Perry the Platypus."

Perry the Platypus nods in agreement, tail twitching against Heinz's leg. That, more than anything, more than Perry the Platypus's reaction in the classroom, told Heinz how serious the situation was. His nemesis never seemed this nervous, ever.

"Fine, you win," Monobrow grits out, massaging his monobrow. "Agent P, you can stay with your host family, as long as they don't know you're an agent. Dismissed."

The screen shuts off and Perry the Platypus shoves Heinz's shoulder, growling under his breath.

When Heinz looks back at his nemesis, he's met with a familiar glare boring into him. "What? It's not like it was Evil," he points out, receiving only narrowed eyes in response. "Okay, maybe it was but it was for the sake of Good. By which I mean you. You're welcome, by the way."

Perry the Platypus holds the glare for a few more seconds, then sighs and pats the back of Heinz's hand, a small smile on his bill. For Perry the Platypus, that's as good as a giddy grin.

The bell rings and Heinz stands, stretching, and pats Perry the Platypus's shoulders in reassurance. "Ready to go back to class, Mr Platypus?"

Reaching out to take Heinz's hand, Perry the Platypus nods his agreement. There's feelings just barely visible on his face that even Heinz can't identify yet, as well as he already knows Perry the Platypus, but gratefulness is readily apparent. And the surety Heinz had been waiting for all morning.

With that, they leave together, ready for their next class.


AN: Character-wise, I do think Doof 101 is the best post-canon narrative, particularly for Heinz, even if the specifics are... not to my taste. (Also the bugs. Not a fan of the bugs.)

Although I do have a fondness for OWCA Files, it definitely has potential (but also the bugs), and... well, those are the only two "canon" endings for Heinz I will acknowledge. Three if you count Quantum Boogaloo. Four if you count the kazoo solo- I mean, AYA, since the B plot there is at least still in-character, moreso than OWCA Files even (such a shame about the A plot). Certainly nothing produced between OWCA Files and CATU.

That said, if I had to pick a backdoor pilot I woulda liked to see expanded on, it would be Tales Of The Resistance. It's perfect, it's something canon barely expanded on, it doesn't have the bugs... Plus, a Perry who can be open with his family. I love Perryborg so much, I wish him much happiness and a life free of his Doofenshmirtz. (I make the distinction bc AT2D made it very, very clear that Heinz and Doof-2 are very, very different. Only one deserves happiness; the other is Doof-2.)