Chapter 195

Valkyrie woke early and felt some nausea in her stomach. A hand on her shoulder gently shook her and she opened one eye into the dim room and for a moment thought she and Solomon were still on the road about to walk in the night air again, but then she remembered the evening before and put her hand on his. He stilled.

"It's time to wake. Your first training sessions are today," he said lowly.

Valkyrie moaned quietly and pulled herself into a sitting position, making her stomach gurgle dangerously, but pushed herself to continue. I have to do this, she reminded herself. For Nadia, Laila, my brothers, my family. The rest of the world. Fuck.

Sighing, she let the tension out of her body and stood.

"Your eyes are bloodshot," Norma said as a way of greeting. "Are you well?"

"I have a stomach ache. It'll be fine."

"Oh no. They don't have medicine like numbing leaves here," she said, coming over and putting a hand on her arm, her sister following behind. "How about some hot tea?"

That was the best she was going to get, so Valkyrie followed Norma as she mothered her and enjoyed it instead, despite the chill of the underground and the eeriness of the light. The tea was also different in taste. Obviously, some different leaf was being used for it, and water always tasted different away from home, and they didn't use milk with it. She was not a fan. She drank it to be polite and because Dexter had always told her the best way to know a place was through the food and she wanted to train herself to be accustomed to the taste. After all, how was she meant to travel across the entirety of Africa and enjoy every little amazing thing it had to offer if she couldn't even drink the tea? She considered it good beginner's practice for all the travelling she'd do in the future.

That was what she told herself as she tried not to gag on the last dregs of bog water called tea she'd been given.

"We'll start with your physical training," Norma told her informatively after a brief tour around the Sect. Valkyrie had not been able to take any of it in, considering every tunnel was identical, but it had passed the time for their food to go down and her stomach ache to lessen. "After a short session, we'll assess your magic, work on extending what you can do, and then we'll train your mind. Both psychologically and defence wise."

Valkyrie nodded as they were led into a new cave that had racks of weapons stacked up to the start of the curve of the ceiling, all manners of tools varying from traditional swords to brutish maces to torture devices. Valkyrie, Solomon and the sisters were required to clean their hands and feet again before entering, and Valkyrie washed over her face quickly, and then it was time to spar.

The first, most immediate thing she noticed was loose breasts and training was different.

Her own, despite being somewhere between an 'A' and 'B' cup, still pulled on her skin when they jumped around during her exercises, but she was lucky it only really pulled up to the base of her neck and they weren't heavy enough to strain. Norma and Helena, who were in shape but not combat ready, also followed some of her and Solomon's training, and they seemed to be in pain as their more voluptuous chests flopped. It wasn't arousing, as one may imagine, it just made Valkyrie ache for them.

That was over fairly quickly though, seeing as she was in shape with her four and a half pack – she was working on the rest, it was slow work – and her muscular arms and legs. She was stronger than most and Solomon was happy with that for the point of the Ritual.

Next was magic. She performed as expected, her target practice somewhat accurate as long as she pointed and she had a good grasp of regulating the power. Norma and Helena were quite impressed with that, but they then launched into other areas she may be able to access.

"But I don't know why my magic manifested this way," she explained.

"Explain again what was happening when you lost it," Helena demanded, pacing the room. Random Necromancers were walking through but none of them stopped, bothered them or seemed to even notice they were there.

"A man whose magic is dulling others touched me and I couldn't use my magic for maybe ten or fifteen minutes. In that time, I was fighting to get information on Solomon's whereabouts, as he'd been kidnapped," she said, watching Helena pace.

"It was a traumatic moment, yes?"

"Well, the entire room of, like, one hundred people tried to rape and kill me, so yeah, slightly," she said bluntly. "When they came at me this magic manifested and I turned someone to dust."

"So it was a fear reaction," Helena frowned.

"I think so. That and desperation. And a bunch of panic."

"Were you injured or in pain?"

"Yes."

"And do you have a history of past assault before this?"

Valkyrie hesitated and then nodded. She had to be truthful so she could have the Ritual. For Nadia, she'd do it.

"Then I imagine this magic is a result of your emotions and situation rather than any outside source. It's not unreasonable to imagine you had some suppressed magic that came out when your emotions became uncontrollable."

"Valkyrie grew up without magic until she was twelve," Solomon added.

"Even more likely it was suppressed magic. Perhaps you were going to have natural magic like Fletcher Renn," Norma theorised. "But you learnt magic before that happened."

"Isn't natural magic for people that have only non-magic ancestry? Because I have magic in my family. My cousin is a sorcerer now too," Valkyrie said.

"It's hard to say for certain, but I have seen books theorising that those with natural magic are not necessarily those that have no magic in their blood, but rather it is easier to find those with natural magic if they are mortal previously. Those who have magical family and are naturally affluent in one area are just seen as a very talented Sensitive, for instance, and don't look at it past that despite the theory they could have natural magic. Granted, it is exceptionally rare for natural magic to occur. In your case, you had no other magic to use, leaving a gap for this to fill, and your need of it allowed it to surface. I can't be sure, of course, but it's a theory."

"I'm not so concerned why it happened, honestly," Valkyrie said.

"But it is important," Norma said patiently. "If you did this out of a feeling of desperation, fear and panic, then the magic itself may be linked somehow to those feelings. To expand your magic, we need to make connections between your life as a child and this specific event."

"Okay?"

"Such as, your history of assault would, I assume, have certain feelings that remain the same through each experience. Especially as a child, this would form a part of your personality. We just need to make that link with your magic and follow the trail down all the little offshoot avenues."

"Okay. So, what do you suggest?" Valkyrie asked.

Norma looked at Helena, and then they both looked at Solomon.

He looked at the floor and then back up. "I have some experience dealing with children with sexual abuse traumas," he said slowly, "but not in this way."

"Well, how about," Valkyrie said very slowly, trying to form an idea, "we think of how I've acted while under similar circumstances. When me and the Dead Men are fighting in 'we're about to die' circumstances, I've been scared and desperate and I've done new things suddenly. Like, I was able to sustain these beams of energy that cut through people. Kind of like a flamethrower but not."

Norma beamed. "That proves the theory then!"

"So, we need to make me think the world is ending and we're all going to die for me to learn?" Valkyrie asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, that's not really going to work," Norma sagged.

"Perhaps if we work on the mental and emotional side of Valkyrie's trauma whilst she uses her magic, we may be able to open her up to new magics?" Solomon suggested.

"Excellent!" Helena said brightly. "Valkyrie, please explain your first traumatic experience."

Valkyrie laughed incredulously at her bubbliness and shook her head. "I don't know. How do I even know if something a traumatic experience or not?"

"How about your first life changing experience. Perhaps you lost someone close to you or you had an accident you needed to go to the doctors for?" Helena suggested in her sweet voice.

Valkyrie thought for a moment before answering, resigning herself to having to talk about things she didn't want to. "My dad was killed when I was two but I don't remember it personally. I remember my mum crying and the police at my house talking to her, but I don't remember what they said or really being told he was dead. I just sort of grew up knowing. I don't have any memories of him," she said. She wasn't sure how in depth she was meant to go with it before she'd sound weird for going on about personal feelings but she got the impression they wanted her to face all the details so she forced herself to continue. "It feels like he's not really real, you know? I always had Gordon, and he was my dad to me. I told people at school he was my uncle, but really, he was my dad. But I never said it to my mum because I knew it would upset her."

Solomon set up the next targets for her to hit and had her begin. "Why wouldn't you tell your mum?"

"It would upset her," she repeated, throwing her magic, gasped and jumped out of the way of an attack by him. She missed her next target but rolled to her feet and kept going. "She used to talk about him a lot. I thought she'd be mad at me, or not want me to replace my father. But I really never knew him." Another dodge and a half-hit target. "Like, I always loved him because he's my dad and I know he loved me and wanted me, but I just had no connection."

"Did you hide things from her often?" Helena asked.

"All the time. People being mean at school, people I thought I had crushes on, the boys that got all weird about touching girls butts at break time in Year Three. I just didn't want to hurt her because she was so stressed with work," another attack, "and with money, and her sister was dying of cancer for most of my childhood, and the family was mean to her about her letting Gordon look after me constantly, and I was hardly an easy kid."

"How were you not easy?"

"I was just always moving, always wanted to do something. I was in so many extra lessons, like dance, singing, piano, swimming, a bunch of others," she tried to explain as the attacks got faster. She tried to talk without thinking but it was hard and she stuttered and paused a lot. "She was always so stressed I felt bad for her. I thought I was making it worse."

"How would you make it worse? As her child, surely you brought lightness to her life," Norma asked.

"I don't know," Valkyrie panted, missing more targets and getting bruised by Solomon's shadows. "I was one more thing to worry about when she already had so much. I caused a bunch of trouble at school. And if she hadn't been so tired and stressed, she wouldn't have needed anxiety medicine, and then maybe she would have seen the other car and wouldn't have been hit. It wasn't her fault they hit her, it wasn't really the medicine that did anything, but I feel like it might not have happened."

"So you believe that her death is your fault because you were a difficult child?"

"No. Yes – I don't know. I don't think so. I thought I was a normal kid," she said, tripping on a shadow and falling on her face. She gave up and rolled to look at the ceiling. "I don't think I was awful. But she was so stressed and I saw her crying a lot. I don't think I made life easier for her. She'd of been better off without me to worry about."

The attacks stopped but her stomach ache started to get worse as her anxieties came to keep her company. Solomon continued. "What feelings does that bring back?"

Valkyrie shrugged, not wanting to think about it but pushing herself to anyway. "I don't know. I never think about it. I don't think about my mum a lot because it hurts, you know? She was so good and did so much for everyone around her no matter what it meant for herself. But if she hadn't had me, she could have moved in with her sister and helped her with her treatment. She wouldn't have been scared about the house being taken away, or when her hours at work were cut, or anything like that, because it would have been easier for just her to live or move somewhere else. But I made it harder. And she had me really young, she was only twenty-two. And a single widow mother at twenty-four. And I always asked her for toys and clothes and lessons to learn to do more. And she couldn't keep up with that and her sister, and her family, and having friends. I made it really hard. And it made Gordon do a ton for her at his own expense too. I know they loved me, but I didn't really take into perspective how what I did or said could affect her at the time."

There was a little silence and Valkyrie noticed there were tears leaking from her eyes and she quickly wiped them and sat up.

"How does that make you feel now?" Norma asked kindly.

"Guilty," Valkyrie whispered. "I feel so bad for her. I want to say I'm sorry. And I want to visit her grave but I'm too scared, and now it's been so long and I feel even worse. I never visited. I didn't even see her get buried because I was too scared and upset. And I spent most of the time being upset over being with my grandma instead of Gordon that I didn't focus on her and if she had seen me from some afterlife acting like I didn't care then she might have thought I didn't love her and – I just–"

Her voice caught in her throat and she held her breath to stop the sobs threatening to break free. She swallowed a few times and a moment later Solomon knelt next to her and wrapped his arms around her tightly. "It's okay to let it out," he whispered. "She would know you loved her. That you still do."

She leant her head against his, only letting a few tears free before demanding they get back to training.


I feel bad for doing this but Val needs to work on her mental health so bad, Daddy Solomon will make it all better or else!

ValkyrieP: I know, I'm only slightly very worried that I won't be a good enough writer to make it sound cool as it happens. Purely based on the fact I abhor writing fight scenes and a lot of the future chapters are going to have to be fighting, cuz, you know, war. I can add lots of Tanith though, I can promise that! I love Tanith so so much.