Fact or Fiction
The High Priest and High Priestess of Death tried not to skip down the corridor on their way to see the princess. To think that after decades of loyal service to Death that they would finally see the mighty goddess take a lover. Truly, they were blessed. Now, if only they could live long enough to meet the demigod children that were surely on the –
"AH!"
The High Priest screeched to a halt and held up one hand. "It seems we might be interrupting something."
The High Priestess giggled. "We'd best come back another time, don't you think?"
The High Priest nodded sagely. "Yes. Who knows what sort of merciless campaign of utter debauchery Death is currently unleashing upon Princess Weiss?"
"Indeed. Hopefully, there will be some demigod children to spoil soon."
With a quick prayer to their goddess and the princess she was surely ravaging into well-pleasured oblivion, the two retreated. They could always visit another time.
X X X
What the High Priest and High Priestess think happened…
Death threw Princess Weiss onto the bed and advanced on her with a lascivious cackle. "Hah! Prepare to be ravaged, sweet princess! Your mortal body shall soon be wracked with the pleasure only a god can give!"
"Oh, great Death, have mercy!" Princess Weiss cried. "I don't think I can take any more ravishing!"
"Is that so?" Death smirked evilly and began to strip the princess of her clothing. "Then why do you tremble so, princess? Could it be that you actually desire an even more thorough ravishing than before?"
The princess's eyes widened. "Alas and alack! My resolve is nothing before your invincible divine charm! Ravish me, Death, make me yours!"
And thus ensued hours upon hours of divine bonking.
X X X
What actually happened…
"Wow," Death said. "Your lower back is really tight."
Princess Weiss got up and paced. "Hours of paperwork will do that, Ruby."
The goddess smirked. "I wouldn't know. As a god, I am immune to lower back pain." She bent over and poked Weiss in the back.
"AH!" Weiss flinched and clutched at the small of her back. "Could you not?"
"Gee, it really seems like the spines you mortals have are poorly designed. It's a miracle you're not all hobbling around like cripples."
"And who is to blame for that? Unless I'm mistaken, the gods created us, so if our backs are awful, it's because you lot made a mistake."
"That sounds kind of like blasphemy, Weiss." Death nodded to herself. "Yes. Even implying the gods are flawed could get you branded as a heretic and burned at the stake in at least seventeen different kingdoms."
"Then it's a good thing I'm your Chosen and therefore immune to charges of heresy." Weiss's eyes narrowed. "You know… you're technically the god of healing too, aren't you?"
"They kind of foisted that off on me after the fact. But, yeah, I kind of am. You know, death, healing, two sides of the same coin and all that jazz."
"Jazz?" Weiss raise done eyebrow. "What is jazz?"
"Ah. Right. You guys perceive time linearly. Well, don't worry. It's awesome, and one of you mortals will invent it in about two thousand years."
"…" Weiss flopped onto her bed. "Ruby, fix my back."
"You want me to fix your back?" Death raised one eyebrow. "I seem to remember a certain someone criticising the competence of the gods. I'm not sure I could fix your back without making it explode."
"Please, just fix my back," Weiss whined.
"I suppose I could help you." Death raised her scythe. "Just let me give you a bit of a stab with –"
"Without using your scythe."
"And there you go draining all the fun away. What good is healing someone if I can't use my scythe to do it?" Ruby smirked. "But don't worry. I have just the thing. Zwei."
The loyal dog appeared in a flash of divine light.
"Zwei, Weiss wants a back massage."
The dog offered Death a quick salute and then hopped onto Weiss's back. In short order, the Divine Beast had Weiss reduced to a puddle of goo.
"He's good at this," Weiss said.
"Oh, yes, Zwei has a variety of awesome skills, not all of which involve killing things. He makes a mean martini too, but those don't technically exist for centuries too, so it's not like he can make you one… not in this life, anyway."
X X X
Author's Notes
As always, I do not own RWBY. I'm not making any money off of this either.
The High Priest and High Priestess might one day get their wish. You better believe they'd spoil any demigod kid rotten though. They're near the end of their lives (both of them are positively ancient), so it would be a dream come true to meet a child of their goddess before they passed. And, as usual, Zwei is best, most useful dog. Also, if you've enjoyed my fan fiction, you should check out my original fiction. You can find me on Amazon and Audible as L. G. Estrella.
As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.
