Even with Miracle running around and Eileen coming to visit, the bunker felt empty. It took weeks, but Grace went back to work, keeping the hunters informed and sending them cases as they popped up. She stayed in her pajamas most of the time, moving through the library in a daze. She found herself zoning out in her office, staring at the photos of her and Dean that she kept on her desk. Sam came by to check on her every couple of hours. Neither of them had much of an appetite, and they rarely slept more than a few hours at a time. Grace had yet to actually sleep in her bed. She tried once, but the pillows still smelled like Dean, and she spent a lot more time crying than she did actually sleeping. So she moved to sleep in one of the guest rooms, only going back into her room to change into new pajamas.
Most of the time it was just her and Sam. They would leave their phones in their rooms, not bothering to answer the other hunters. The condolence calls were nice, but they could only handle so much. "Have you eaten anything yet?" Sam asked, looking to Grace as she walked into the war room.
"I had a cup of coffee earlier."
"Me too." He managed a brief smile, staring into the empty mug in front of him. "It feels different this time. Before - no matter how bad it seemed, we could bring him back. When he went to Hell... I gave up after a while. I couldn't keep hoping. But some little part of me still hoped. Now we know he's not coming back."
Grace sat down on the table, a wave of exhaustion hitting her. Both of them had been crying a few times a day, hardly eating or sleeping. Sleep would have been nice, but sleep meant dreaming, and dreaming wasn't a nice option right now. "When he left - we were in school. I was staying with Bobby, and Dean was visiting. I heard them talking one night. Bobby told him that he couldn't keep dragging things out, he had to just leave. If he wanted there to be any chance of me being safe, he had to go and not come back. I knew it was coming, but it broke me, Sam. Why do we have to do this so often? Why us? Why did Chuck have to choose us?"
"If you want her to be safe, if you really want her out of this life, you've gotta get as far away as you can." Bobby's voice floated up the stairs. He didn't know Grace was still awake. She'd gone to shower and sleep after a particularly tiring vampire hunt. But her head was killing her, so she'd crept into the hall in search of the bathroom medicine cabinet and the salvation of the ibuprofin it offered.
Dean was in town for a few days, sleeping on the couch and sneaking up to see her after Bobby had gone to bed. But tonight Bobby and Dean sat up for a while, moving in from the porch when the mosquitos had gotten too bad. "It'll break her heart."
"Better to break her heart and let her get out of this life when she graduates and moves away then keep her here and watch her die."
"Bobby -"
"I'm not saying this because of Karen, Dean," he warned. Grace sat in the shadows at the top of the stairs, straining to hear them in the living room. "You know what this life is like. I got into it late. I've been lucky so far, but most hunters don't get to be this old. If she stays, there are only two ways this can end. You watch her die or she watches you die. You've got to rip the bandage off for both of you, or it's really not gonna end happy."
Dean was quiet, Grace assuming he was draining his drink. When he spoke again, his voice was twinged with pain. "She keeps me sane. She keeps me from snapping at Dad. She keeps me from... she keeps me out of Hell. I never thought I'd find someone like her. I love her, Bobby."
"Won't it all be worth it if you know she's somewhere safe, where this mess will never get her?"
Part of her was afraid to hear his reply. So she got up, headed back to her room. Sleep didn't come easily. She drifted off, but woke up soon after. Dean and Bobby's conversation didn't sit right with her. Something bad was coming, she could tell.
When Dean crawled into bed next to her, he was surprised to find Grace still awake, staring at the ceiling. "Hey. How are you feeling?"
"I'll be fine." She rolled over to kiss him, Dean pulling her into his arms like nothing was wrong. "I love you, Dean Winchester."
"I love you too, Gracie."
When she woke up, he was already gone. Bobby said something about John calling early in the morning, and then sent her to work on researching a possible shapeshifter case in Nebraska. She drove down there on her own, but stopped at Harvelle's to pick up Jo and Ash, taking them with her on the hunt. When she made it back to Bobby's, the two of them took off to trap a tulpa in Tucson. Rufus joined them for a werewolf hunt in Oregon after they'd spent a few days at the cabin. Grace was hardly at home that summer, Bobby keeping her on the road for good reason. Dean stopped writing. His phone calls were few and far between, and eventually they stopped too.
It was over. As she packed up for her last year of school, she knew that it was over. Dean had taken Bobby's advice. She'd worried about him for a while, but when he dropped out of her life, all she could muster was a prolonged background sadness, an ache in her chest that welled up every time she passed the pictures of the boys on Bobby's mantle. It was for the best, but she still woke up sobbing. Dean wasn't coming back. He'd moved on to another town, probably another girl. He wouldn't get attached. He shouldn't.
As she said goodbye to Bobby, she knew this was the end. She'd still talk to Sam, but even he would disappear form her life. As she drove away from the salvage yard, she could tell that this was the end of a chapter of her life. She was shutting the door on something she didn't want to leave behind.
No matter how much time passed, she still kept their photos. They were on her desk, by her bedside. She would smile at them, remembering the absolute insanity of their lives and how much she had loved it. Even when she moved on, got a real job, got engaged, the photos stayed in her office as a memory of another lifetime and a reminder of what was out there. It was only when her fiance's eyes turned black that she realized there was no escaping. This was the kind of life she was bound to live. Even if she tried to get out, it would always find her.
So she packed up and moved again, this time to Stull, Kansas, one of the most haunted places in the world, and supposedly, a gateway to Hell. She didn't hope for much, but when two familiar faces knocked on her door, the infamous Impala parked in her driveway, she knew that she was back in it for good.
"Because that's who we are. This is part of becoming normal people. We get one chance, and then we lose it. It's not fair, but this is the way it is." Sam got up to give her a hug, Grace starting to cry again.
"He never got to be a normal person. He never got to - we were so close," she sobbed. "We were so close. We were free. We were so damn close!"
Most of their days went like that, one of them finding the other in the middle of a breakdown. They spent a lot of time in silence, walking the empty fields next to the bunker, trying to figure out how they were supposed to take any sort of next step. As much as either of them hated to admit it, they thought about magic. They thought about demon deals. They thought about all of the ultimately selfish little sacrifices they could make to bring him back. It was tempting, but they resisted. They had to. It was better this way, or so they had to tell themselves. Heaven might be nice for him, but for everyone else, it hurt like Hell.
Grace stayed up late, reading through one of her old journals in the DeanCave that she had turned into her bedroom. She still couldn't bear to sleep in their bed. Not that it made much difference anyway. She hardly slept anymore. Instead she would sit up late and read through their old stories, flipping through the yellowed photos of all of their adventures. Setting the book aside, she thought she would try to sleep. Turning the TV on for background noise, she lay down on the sofa, thinking nothing of it until she heard Dean's voice.
Bolting up in her seat, Grace reached for her glasses, the fuzzy image coming into view. She'd hit the wrong button on the remote. Whatever this was, it was the last DVD he had left in the player.
"Hey, Gracie." He was sitting on the sofa she was on now. It couldn't have been filmed that long ago. Grace wrapped herself in a blanket as she sat down to watch. "I'm filming this, uh, in case something goes wrong. Right now we're working on tracking Chuck down. Jack's got a plan, but in case this thing goes south, there are a couple of things I want to tell you that I might not get the chance to." He took a breath, double-checking that he was actually recording. "I know I made you one of these a while ago, and it's a lot of the same stuff, but I need you to hear this. Hell, I need to say it. You might not ever see this, but it helps. You're still asleep right now. Let me rest, Gracie. If anything happens to me, let me rest. I love you, and I want to have a life with you, but we've all died too many times. What's dead needs to stay dead, and the more we play with that, the more we screw with the way things are supposed to be."
He twisted the ring on his finger, measuring his words carefully. "I'm so glad we found you again. I'm so glad you decided to come back. I know Chuck wrote this, but you - sometimes you were the only thing that felt real. You were the only thing that made me happy, the only thing that kept me going. You and Sam and Cas, you all saved me from some real dark spots, and you hardly knew it. There's nothing I wouldn't give to grow old with you, but if you're watching this, I can't." Grace felt herself start to cry, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the screen.
"I don't know how this will go down, or when, but I want you to know I love you. And I'm gonna be waiting for you." His voice shook a little as Grace tried to keep herself from crying hysterically. "I promise. I'll built you that beautiful house you always wanted, and we can do whatever the hell we want. It'll hurt, but I'll be waiting for you. You and Sam and Cas - whoever's left - don't hurry it up. Don't do anything stupid or reckless out on a hunt. Don't you dare think about coming up there early. I'd love to see you but that's not the way it should go. You all take care of each other."
The camera shook a bit, Dean fading out of view and coming back. "Sorry, the battery was almost out. Where was I? Be careful, Gracie. I'll be waiting. I love you. I wanted to get out, to get away from this life. I tried, and it kept bringing me back. Chuck kept bringing me back. When we're free, maybe we'll be able to get real jobs and have a life. I can hope, right? Anyway, you were my real life. All of the places we'd stop on the road, all the sights we'd see. You painting your nails in the passenger's seat. Singing along with the radio. Curling up in hotel beds with you and trying to figure out waffle makers and those machines that give you the off-brand cereal in the morning. The magnets you'd pick up on the way - did you ever get all 50 states? We must have by now. That Zeppelin concert we snuck into in Atlanta. All of that was my real life. All the milkshakes in diners and the times we'd sit on the Impala and watch the stars. You remember that meteor shower over Reno?" He smiled to himself, Grace smiling back through her tears. "All of that makes this life worth living. We've lost so much, but I'm so glad I still have you. If this is the end, I'm glad we spent so much of our lives together. I love you, Grace Winchester, and it's one of the best things I've ever done."
The video cut out, Grace pausing it before it looped and started to play again. It was all she could manage to do before she sunk to the floor, sobbing. He was gone, and he would stay gone. All of the beautiful memories would have to stay memories.
It was late in the evening on Christmas Day, the kids and their cousins fast asleep on the sofa and draped over armchairs in front of the fireplace. Their Uncle Cas had already left, but Sam and Eileen stayed behind, sipping on coffee with Dean and Grace. Bobby was dozing off in his chair, resolving to stay in the guest room for the night instead of heading out in the snow. "Have you had the talk with them yet?" Sam asked, looking out from the dining room at them. "We were thinking about doing it soon. They haven't stumbled on anything big yet, but they're starting to ask questions."
"No. They're only ten," Dean answered, quietly helping Grace stack up dessert plates to take back into the kitchen. "We figured we'd wait until we had to. I don't want them to end up like us, even by accident."
"They won't," Eileen assured him, coming to stand next to Sam. "They'll be able to live real lives and not have to drop everything to go hunting. That reminds me, Sam - Gina and I have a job in Trenton over the weekend. I'll tell them I'm visiting her, but try not to get too wrapped up at the office this time. Unless you guys want to babysit."
Dean spoke for both of them. "We wouldn't mind."
"I don't want them to be scared of what's out there," Grace thought aloud as she came back into the room. She took another stack of dishes from Dean, who had to agree.
"Watch out for them and they'll be fine. They can learn when they're old enough, just keep up with what you tell them," Bobby offered with a yawn. "And for God's sake don't let them tell each other. I hope they stay this close too, but this kind of stuff is something they need to hear from their parents."
It was the first happy dream Grace had had in ages. She rolled off of the sofa, turning the TV off. Sam wouldn't be awake this early, but maybe she could get some work done. Or at least get to the dozens of condolence messages that were still rolling in as the other hunters learned about what had happened.
Wrapped in one of Dean's old shirts, she found herself staring at her computer, trying to think of a decent response to an email when the air shimmered in front of her. "Hey," Jack smiled, leaning a scythe on her desk. "I just wanted to drop this off. Oh, and this." He took a ring out of his pocket, handing it over. Grace inspected the white stone as he said, "Now you've got everything - the key to the library and these, that's it."
"I don't really feel like reaping souls right now," Grace told him, taking a sip of her coffee. "I'm not in the mood to be Death."
"You don't have to. You can do what I do, just check in once or twice to make sure things are still following their natural order. Check up on the library, make sure none of the reapers are going rogue - I bet you could automate it all if you really wanted to. Billie was working on reaper tracking systems before everything with Chuck."
Grace took him up on his suggestion. With Charlie's tech knowledge and Rowena's magical help, she would build a computer program that could track every reaper out there, letting her know in real time what souls they were after and where the souls were ending up. For now, though, she wanted to explore the library. So she took the key and headed for the basement, finding herself among seemingly endless rows of books.
It was tempting to pick up Sam's, to see how it ended, but she resisted. It was better not to know. She would be there when it happened. Best not to know what to look out for. So she wandered the aisles, saying hello to the reapers who were busily passing through on their way to their next assignments. Eventually she found a massive world map being projected on a screen, telling each one where to go like they were looking for train departures.
She did, however, stop in a different aisle, one that contained the books of all of the angels. Castiel. Flipping through the book, she stopped, seeing that he was hardly at the end. Despite the Empty's claim on him, the angel Castiel will be released and promoted to Seraph, becoming the right hand of God. Grace smiled to herself, setting the book back on its shelf. Cas was fine. He would be fine. He and Jack were starting to rebuild all of the worlds that Chuck had destroyed, turning back time on the lives that had been ended unjustly.
Death's library - her library now - was spectacular, but Grace spent most of her days in the Men of Letters' library. She emerged from her office, setting up at one of the war room tables more and more often, if only to keep Sam company. Eileen was there often, but it was nice to have the three of them in the same room. When Sam went out on his first case, he took Eileen with, Grace promising to be there when he got back, just like old times. Just like normal.
Sam being away gave her the perfect opportunity to test something she had been thinking about for days now. As soon as the door closed and locked, she shut her laptop and went down to the panic room, where she knew she could contain anything that got out. Just in case.
The first place she tried was Hell. Just like the archangels, she found herself able to open a rift in time and space, easily stepping into Hell. She crept around for a little while, looking in on one of Rowena's meetings before heading back to the bunker. If she could make it to Hell whenever she wanted to, she could make it to Heaven.
Hopping into the same place she had left Dean, Grace found a small hunter community. The Winchesters had set up down the road from Harvelle's Roadhouse. Or a version of them had. In setting things right, Jack had banished John's sou to purgatory for a while. He had time to serve for everything he'd done, and Grace was more than happy to let him rot there for a while. Rufus built a cabin on a lake, a little further down the road. Bobby had built his house nearby. As she walked down the dirt road that wound around the lake, she came upon another house, one that was still being built. It looked a lot like the one they had once built over the bunker. The Impala was parked out front, Bobby's old truck next to it filled with lumber. "You're gonna need some more supports for those stairs." Bobby's voice carried over, Grace ducking behind a tree. "Don't want anyone falling through, even if we can't get hurt up here."
He and Dean were taking a break from their work, both of them covered in sweat and sawdust. They had their backs turned, taking stock of the frame of the house and comparing it to the plans they had drawn up. "Do you think we should add a couple of feet when we get to the living room? Gracie always wanted one of those big bay windows. I think she'd like all the light coming through. And you can see the trees in the fall. I think she'd like it."
"We can make it match the one in the back by the lake. Karen had your dad help her build one when he got here, and she loves it, but now she knows when the ducks are out there and she goes to feed them all the time," Bobby said, stopping to turn around when he heard a rustle in the trees. "You hear that?"
"Squirrel?"
Bobby shook his head. "Sounds like something bigger. Probably deer."
"That's no deer." Dean was already on his way over to investigate. He'd seen a brief flash of something, but he wanted to be right. He turned around the side of the massive oak tree, stopping to stare at her in shock. "Gracie?"
"Hi," she smiled, trying not to cry as he reached out for her. His wedding ring still shone on his finger, Grace glancing down at hers to be sure it was still fused with his earthly one. It really was him. He felt like a normal, solid human being, not ghostly at all.
They stared at each other for a second before he leaned in to kiss her, unable to contain how happy he was. "Are you -"
"Death." She took a half step back, holding his hands as she explained, "I'm Death. For a little while, anyway. While Jack and Cas get the world and every other universe back on its feet. He pulled Cas out of the Empty. Sam and me… it's been hard. But I'm Death, and that means - I can't stay, but I can visit, I can check in and tell you how Sam's doing. I can't stay for long, since time moves differently here. Sam shouldn't know that I've been here. But I still get to see you sometimes."
"Watch out for Sammy. I'm gonna try to have that house done by the time you get here so I can give you the happily ever after that you deserve," he beamed. Grace smiled to herself, happy that he was starting to build the life he had always wanted for them. "Want to say hi to Bobby?"
By the time she made it back to Earth, Sam and Eileen were pulling into the garage. "Did you not change for the last three days?" Eileen signed from the top of the stairs, noticing that Grace was still in the same clothes they had left her in.
"I did laundry," Grace signed back, Sam raising an eyebrow. She would have to be more careful about losing time between worlds, especially if Sam and Eileen were around. They might have some suspicion that she could travel at will, but it would be better if they thought she could only do it when she was escorting souls. It was for the best. If they knew, they would want her to take them with to visit, and bringing living humans into Heaven was, as they had learned long ago, not a great idea.
