Claire walked along the hallway to her room, passing Jack's open door as she did so. She glanced in, and saw Jack reading a book, his usual smile gone as he concentrated on the text. Even that seemed to be endearing somehow. He looked up as she paused, and broke into a huge smile.
"Claire! Come in!"
She did, shutting the door behind her, and sitting on the edge of his bed.
"What are you reading?" She asked, unable to read the cover properly. Jack placed the book on his bedside table, cover facing down, and sat up.
"It doesn't matter. I'm glad you're here now," he reached up and stroked her cheek tenderly. "My favourite cousin."
Claire smiled despite herself.
"My favourite cousin." She agreed, and leaned closer to hug Jack. But she mistimed it, or had the position wrong, because their lips connected and fireworks went off in her brain. She closed her eyes as she leaned into the kiss, feeling his hands pulling her closer, their lips working together, the fact they were related not stopping either of them. Claire felt charged up in a way she had never been before, and though kissing Jack was nice, it wasn't enough. She shifted on the bed, straddling him, and his hands roamed over her body, pushing her top off. She let it happen, trying to taste as much of him as she could, gyrating against him, needing some friction between them. They rolled over on the bed, clothes disappearing as they did, and Claire would give him everything, Jack was everything-
She sat up with a start, her breathing coming as though she had been running a marathon. Looking around her, she took in her new bedroom, the light coming in from the street lamps outside, everything else dark and quiet. Her phone said it was around half three in the morning.
She clutched her chest, bringing her knees up as she tried to process just what had happened. When Dean had warned her she'd have nightmares flipping through his father's old journals, she hadn't imagined it would have been that kind of nightmare. But it hadn't felt like a nightmare. It was wrong, and she didn't feel that way about her cousin, but at the same time, she had felt kind of good in it. Unlike when she had been dating Alex, she had loved every second of kissing Jack in her dream. They had connected, it felt right.
But it wasn't right, was it? Having an - oh God - a sex dream about your cousin. A sex dream about your cousin when you were asexual. Did that even happen? She still had her father's book, and she flipped through it, using her phone torch to see what it said about asexuals and sex. Surely a sex dream was sexual attraction? She wasn't meant to experience it. She didn't experience it. So why had she enjoyed what was happening in her dream with her happy-go-lucky cousin?
The book was deliberately unhelpful, as far as Claire could see. Everything seemed like such a grey area with asexuality, there was no one definition that fit all. She dropped it and clutched her head, trying to process.
There was no way she could talk to her dad about this. He would be kind to a fault and then probably send Jack away. She couldn't talk to Dean because he blabbed everything to her father. Jack was definitely out of bounds. Alex, Kaia, and Patience had continued to avoid her since she was homeschooled. Who was there? Who could help her sound out how she was feeling without it tracing back to anyone who could get hurt by it all?
There wasn't anyone. It was times like this where she needed her mom. Amelia would have listened, she wouldn't have judged. Claire tried to imagine what her mother would say at this point, but it had been so long since she had thought of her, the voice wasn't there anymore.
She flopped back down on the bed, holding her head in her hands. She wanted to go back to sleep, but what if she went right back to the dream? What if she didn't? Would it go away?
She managed to drift off again, but catnapped throughout the night. Nothing that led to dreams, nothing that gave her more rest. She heard her father and Dean getting up, the shower running, their low voices down the hallway, footsteps going down to the kitchen. She listened hard for Jack's movements, and after a while when they didn't come, she crept out of the room, grabbing a shower for herself, and then slipping downstairs for the kitchen. She grabbed a bowl of cereal and headed into the study to start her online learning, headphones on so she didn't have to have a conversation with her cousin and betray herself.
She forced herself to concentrate on work, even as moments from her dream seeped into her consciousness. His earnest smile, the way he traced her skin, the way even now she could feel a tingle where she imagined him touching.
After a few hours of studying and listening to music, she felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped in her seat, turning and finding her father standing there, holding out a take out bag. She removed her headphones.
"Sorry, Bear. I thought you might want to have lunch with me?"
"Sure Dad, let me finish the question I'm on." She turned off the music and quickly typed an answer in her spanish homework that was almost definitely spelled wrong, then strode back into the kitchen, where Jack was helping himself to some of the food Castiel had brought home. Claire hesitated for a moment, and then sat by her father at the table, grabbing a carton of chow mein and scooping some onto her plate.
"How was your placement this morning, Jack?" Castiel asked before biting into an egg roll. Jack was busy opening the soy sauce bottle, and Claire forced herself to study her plate, and not the way Jack's eyebrows had been furrowed as he concentrated on his task and relaxed at the question his uncle had asked.
"Oh, it was so much fun. Those little kids are great. Working with them is going to be so much fun. The sheriff came in at one point, she remembered me and told the staff some great things. I like her." He passed Claire the soy sauce, and she took it without looking at him, making sure she didn't touch his hand, or have any contact with him that would send her right back into that dream, and made a production of pouring it on her own meal. "There was one little kid who got a little attached to me, made me sit there when they were painting, but I didn't mind. He had a great imagination. How's the book store been?"
"Good," Castiel swallowed loudly. "Dean's comic book idea has brought in a lot of new customers. He's got a few more ideas too, things I never considered. And speaking of Dean, I wanted to talk to you both."
Claire looked sideways at her father, aware that Jack had sat up in his seat without even seeing it. She was way too aware of every movement her cousin made.
"Dean has been talking about his bachelors, he wants to do something with his brother and work friends. And he asked what I was thinking for mine and, well, I'd like to do something with the two of you. If that's okay? Just the three of us? Before our little family grows."
"Sure, what were you thinking?" Jack asked eagerly.
"I don't think your daughter is meant to be at your bachelors, Dad." Claire said quietly. He gave her a one-armed hug.
"I don't want to celebrate without you there, Bear. It won't be strip clubs or poker or anything like that. I just want time with my family, like I said. We could go to a theme park together maybe? Or that pottery painting like I've been talking about forever."
He smiled at her, and she tried to smile back. But after the night before, the last thing she wanted was to be alone, or almost alone, with her cousin.
"I guess it's your party," Claire acknowledged. He grinned at her, and she stole his egg roll out of his hand.
"Good to know. This weekend, the three of us will go party. Novak style."
Claire bit into his egg roll, enjoying how happy her father looked.
"So, what's left for the wedding plans, Uncle Cas?" Jack asked, his mouth sounding full of food and yet somehow, it was still endearing. How did Jack manage that? Was Claire really fawning over her cousin? Wasn't it just a dream? Castiel was talking about the wedding plans, and Claire forced herself to focus on clearing her plate and getting back to her schoolwork for the afternoon, and as far away from Jack and her confused feelings as possible.
"Claire? Do you want to do something this afternoon? I have a little bit of coursework to do but then I could hang out?" Jack asked her. She made a big deal out of the mouthful she was chewing, before swallowing and over gesturing, not quite meeting his eyes.
"I would, but I got a few bits to catch up on for my classwork and then I said I'd go see a friend."
"Oh good, you heard from the girls?"
"Uh. Yeah," Claire looked at her father. "Actually, Dad, you mind if I eat this and go finish my Spanish?"
She grabbed her plate and left before Castiel could give an answer, and took her food into the study, plugging back in to her music and trying to push Jack out of her mind.
