Sorry so late. Life, ya know?
Thank you to Team Harpy.
Also for all you nitpickers out there (I mean that with the greatest affection, I swear), ACL Music Festival is usually held in October but for my purposes, I have postponed it to Thanksgiving weekend. Also, for all you Texans out there, let's pretend it's warm in late November. K? Thanks.
Chapter 49
Bella
"Where is it? Crap. Oh, there they are." I grab the folder with the lighting cues and other stage cues in it. "If we don't leave in the next thirty minutes we are going to miss the flight. Um… hand me my organizer please?" I ask Alice but she's in another world. "Alice!"
She shakes herself out of it and brings it to me. "Sorry, Jasper is hella nervous and kept me up half the night talking about it."
"He'll be fantastic. This is a chance of a lifetime. Not everyone gets asked to perform at the Austin City Limits Music Festival! This could put us on the map." I gush.
"I know. He's just afraid of letting us down if something goes wrong."
"He can't and he won't." I assure her. "Unlike our other artist." I mutter under my breath.
"Elizabeth has been under the weather." Alice changes the subject.
"Is she okay?"
"Yeah, I just think with everything going on; Angela and that Collin Flynn investigation just has her exhausted."
"Don't be worried. Under that cream puff exterior is a soul of steele. Besides you can hold her hand when we get back. That is if we ever get there." I hint.
"I know. I know." She starts getting into gear. Thank you!
"Besides, Cullen has her. Loving her is probably his only saving grace."
"Loving you is the other." She blurts softly but avoids my look of annoyance.
The phone rings and she answers it as I grab my toiletry bag adding it to my carry on. She confirms something to someone on the other line before hanging up.
"That was Whitman confirming Masen Whitlock."
"Great."
"You know just because we are going to Austin doesn't mean we should forget Masen."
"I can try." Seeing her chastising look, I add, "Don't even give me that look. Masen is not getting the short end of the stick. Look at all his upcoming gigs. If he can keep up with them all."
"All I'm saying is that I think that sometimes your emotions cloud your judgment. For instance, what about that song Edward sang for us? Would you mind telling me what you didn't like about it?"
I pause for a moment before resuming getting things together. "I okayed the number." I say casually.
"How come?"
"He sang it for me again and I changed my mind."
"I have spent every last waking moment with you lately. Mind telling me when this happened?"
"Last night."
"Last night when?"
"Well aren't you a Nosy Nelly? It just so happens he sang it for me underneath my window. There. Are you satisfied now?"
She gives me this knowing look while trying to hide her smug little smile.
"I okayed the number so he would just shut up and I could get some sleep."
"Okay. Sure."
I get as far away from that smugness as I can given the size of the room. Just so happens the door opens and speaking of the devil himself…
"I see you're all packed and ready to go." He remarks.
"Shouldn't you be with your family?"
"You're my family too."
"Don't push it."
"I'm gonna call Rose and see if she's ready to leave. Jasper is on his way."
I hand her the phone. "I'm just gonna go to the kitchen and use my cell." I glare at her retrieving back as I place it back in its cradle. Traitor.
"Cullen, look, my main focus is Jasper right now so please don't try to sing me any songs. When it is your turn to perform, I promise I'll listen."
"Fine. I just came by to wish you luck."
"Okay, great, thanks."
"Oh and one more thing."
Here we go. I sigh and look at him.
"I realize you aren't going to want to hear this."
That is not a good way to begin.
"But we are a lot alike."
"You're right. I don't want to hear this." I start placing everything by the door.
"You shouldn't be going to Austin any more than I should have knuckled under Angela's blackmail."
"Talk about comparing apples to onions." I scoff.
"This trip is very symbolic of everything that is wrong with our relationship."
"Talk to your shrink."
"I don't have one."
"Then find one."
"I know what you're saying to yourself. You're saying 'I'll deal with Cullen as soon as I fulfill my obligations to Rose, Alice, Jasper, BAR'. I know this because I did it myself. I put off telling you the truth about Angela because I had to fulfill my obligation to my family, Cullen, Inc..."
"Not to mention Angela."
"To hell with Angela! The point is we have to start putting ourselves first for a change."
"You've been putting yourself first your entire life."
"Until you came along. Until you showed me how good it feels to care about someone else more than myself. Or about making a buck. Or about accumulating power."
"You gonna tell me something I haven't heard already? Cause I really have to go."
"Bella I want you back in my life, full time. And I'm gonna make that happen."
I walk around him and he grabs my arm gently making me halt. He turns me around. "I'm really good at hiding my feelings. Except with you. What you see is real. And forever. And I'll miss you every minute of every day while you're gone."
I do my best to steel my emotions but I know my eyes are teary.
"I love you very much, Mrs. Cullen." He whispers.
Alice appears hesitantly.
"I'm so very sorry to break this up but Rose is already on her way to the airport and Jasper just pulled in and is loading the car."
"Okay, I'm sure the concert will be a huge success. Have a safe trip."
"Thanks," Alice tells him. He gives me one last look and says his last few words.
"I'll be thinking of you." Then the door closes.
"What did I interrupt?" Alice asks softly.
"Nothing important. Let's get this junk to the car." I busy myself and so does she. We make it to the airport with minutes to spare and are settled on the plane and on our way in no time. I spend the next four hours focusing on the concert. I sent the merch off a week ago and confirmed it made it safely yesterday. They even have people who will sell it for us while we are backstage watching the concert. I start to get excited, setting Cullen far back in my mind to concentrate on later. Much later.
There are two cars waiting for us when we arrive. Jasper's band jumps in one while Alice, Rose, Jasper, and I jump in the other. We are whisked away to the Hyatt Regency Lost Pines Resort and Spa. I objected that it was thirty-six minutes from Ziller Park but Rose overruled saying we all deserved some luxury after this year.
You're telling me, Sista.
We are each booked into a Junior Suite with the band in a family suite. It's easily nicer than my apartment in Port Angeles, with a king sized bed, sitting and dining area. All to myself. I could get used to this. She also booked us girls some spa treatments. I didn't object to that.
It's Wednesday and the gig is Friday but tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I make a note to call my folks then. I've been avoiding my brothers and their phone calls and I know Ma told them to give me space. But I can't avoid them forever. Maybe until Christmas. We settle in and wash the plane off of us before meeting at Sheller's Barrelhouse for dinner. I order Crab Cakes and the Chicken Fajita Tacos. And a margarita of course. I do love my tequila.
It's warm out. Well, for us anyway. It's snowing in Tacoma. We take a walk and look at the grounds. It's dark but well lit. We decided to spend tomorrow afternoon at the pool after our spa treatments as it will be 81 degrees outside. And the pool is heated so that's a big plus. I say goodnight to them and thankfully fall into a restful sleep.
I'm awake the next day earlier than usual but ready to relax. Our first treatment is at nine this morning so I treat myself to room service. Eggs, bacon and a Bloody Mary. I walk and meet the girls in the hall and we make our way down to the spa where we are pampered for hours. I feel boneless later as we lounge by the pool. It's a little breezy so I have a coverup over my bathing suit.
"I feel like I just had twelve orgasms." Alice sighs.
"I miss orgasms."
She looks over at me. "All you have to do is say the word."
"She's not ready so stop pushing." Rose admonishes. I smile at her gratefully. Luckily Jasper arrives and now I have to watch them suck face. I avert my eyes and let my mind drift to happier times.
I finally give up all pretense and excuse myself to my room. I order more room service and when there is a knock on the door later I open it expecting food but instead it's Jasper. I smile warmly at him and welcome him into my room.
"What's up?" I ask.
"Just making sure everything is in order and there is nothing I need to do."
"Nothing until tomorrow. So enjoy yourself."
"I will if you will."
"I'm trying." I smile ruefully. "Can I ask you something?"
He sits down at my small dinette and I do the same.
"How did you forgive Alice so easily for lying to you? I mean about Cullen and all that."
"I don't believe she thought she had any other choice. I don't think people lie for the fun of it. I think they do it when they think they have no other choice. Or they are scared of loss or blame. Or because they are in love and they just don't know what to do."
Alice pops her head in just then. "Oh I'm sorry. Am I interrupting? I just wanted to check on you."
"Jasper was just telling me about forgiveness."
"And the nature of lies." He gets up. "Call me anytime if you need to talk."
I stand too and I hug him. He leaves Alice and me to talk.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"Bella, that's a lie…"
"Yeah."
"We are in paradise or as close to it as we can get right now. We are looking at a huge success with our first major concert and you are just gonna sit here and be depressed?"
"I'm mad."
"At who?"
"Myself."
"Why"
"For missing Masen."
Her face lights up. "Notice I said Masen, not Cullen. But I do miss my Masen."
"Bella? I don't know if I should say this."
"Go ahead."
"Cullen is Masen and Masen is Cullen and they both love you and they both want you. Look at me. Enough already."
"If you tell him about this conversation…"
"I won't. I promise. We're sisters right?"
She puts her pinky out and I hook mine around it. "Right." We share a smile then she leaves me with a promise to meet for breakfast tomorrow. I eat and then sleep well again. I could get used to this.
Edward
"Cullen."
"Greetings from beautiful Lost Pines Resort and Spa."
"Alice. I'm surprised to hear your voice. How's it going?"
"Why don't you come see for yourself?" She suggests.
"I'd love to but I know this concert is a big deal for BAR and I don't want to distract Bella."
"What if I told you she's ready to be distracted?"
That gets my attention.
"Really?"
"Listen, it's now or never. You can not let this moment slip by cause who knows when you'll get another chance."
"I'm on my way. Or I will be tomorrow morning. Thank you for doing this. I won't forget it."
"Yeah well, you're racking up a pretty big bill with me, Cullen." She teases. "I'll see ya."
I hang up then bound up the stairs to pack. I've got a plane to catch tomorrow.
I'm up at the crack of dawn and on my way to the airport before eight. It's a quick flight and I spend the time working so I can free up my time to devote to Bella. We land at ten o'clock central standard time and I get into my hired car and head to the resort. Upon arrival I find the head concierge and inquire about a room.
"I'm sorry, we are booked."
"I happen to be in the hotel business myself, so I know that there is always a room. Usually a deluxe or a suite and that will be just fine." I slip him a hundred.
He hands it back. "Fully booked, Sir. Including our reserve space."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes sir."
"Then I'll need to speak to your manager."
"He's busy at the moment arranging some alternative accommodations for frequent guests from Mexico who arrived without notice."
"I see. Okay so why don't you give me Bella Swan's room number."
"You know I can't do that. Again I am very sorry. You may use the house phone if you want." He points to it as he leaves.
I write a note on the notebook there and flag down a bellhop. "Can you please deliver this to Bella Swan's room. I don't know the room number." I slip him the hundred the concierge gave back.
"Of course Sir." He scurries away and I wait a beat then follow him. After all, there's more than one way to skin a cat.
He reaches her suite and knocks on the door. She opens it with a smile and takes the note he offers. He assures her he has been tipped and I hide as he leaves. I then slip to her door and knock.
Surprise…
Bella
'Good luck tonight,' the note reads.
"Cullen…" I whisper.
When there's another knock on the door, I look at it suspiciously but open it anyway. Cullen slides right past me with a cheerful 'Good Morning'.
I stare at him, dumbfounded before closing the door.
"Why are you here?"
"I had to be here."
"It's your nickel. No, your plane ticket. No, wait! You took the private jet, didn't you?"
"Yes I did." He quietly admits.
I throw the note down on the table. "So for a hundred grand in jet fuel, I should listen."
"Look at me." His fingers feather down my bare arm. So I do.
"I love you, Bella. I love you. I'll never give you up and I'll never let you go."
Am I being Rick Rolled here?
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"Because I can not and I will not live my life without you."
"How do I know you're not really and truly out of your mind, hmmm?" I start pacing. "Alice once said you were a performer. God knows we got enough proof of that. How do I know that Masen Whitlock, married to me, wasn't just some demented role that met the needs of some fundamentally deranged person?"
"Bella, I am sane. A little neurotic maybe, but not deranged. I told a lie, an understandable lie, to a very young, very beautiful woman in a bar in Port Angeles and it grew little by little to a big, tangled sticky web. I regret it, I regret it totally. I will never ever tell another lie again, about anything. I know what I did was wrong, unforgivable even. I have never had to work to get anything in my life. I know this. I know I'm privileged. I know I'm arrogant. I know I hide behind my money and power but I do love you and I do want to make this work."
"Oh, Cullen you're making me crazy."
"I just want to make you love me again."
"I think that's the same thing," I whisper.
He reaches for me and leans closer and I inch away. "Oh, let's get out of here."
"Why?"
"Because it's just too damn private."
I walk to the door and lead him out to the back where the pools are. It's quiet, not many people around as it just rained. But at least there isn't a bed.
"Stop looking at me," I tell him.
"I love looking at you."
"You are so arrogant. Asking me to love you when I have no reason to ever trust you again. Why am I doing this? Why am I even allowing myself to have this conversation with you?"
"Because you want to."
"No, it's because I'm hopeless. Because I think of all the good times and I think about the way you used to make me feel, and I remember the joy and I think about when we used to make love and seeing you on stage and all the people that you move and you touch and you make happy. And I know you're singing directly to me and I feel like I'm gonna die from loving you because… " I bite off my words. "And you don't deserve it and it's just not fair."
"I do deserve it and so do you." He reaches for me and kisses me. I struggle against him and the next thing I know we're in the pool.
"Masen!" I scream.
He stands up and grins at me. "Masen? That's a start." He moves closer to me to hug me and I splash water in his face. He starts coughing and I crawl out of the water and storm back to my room with him following me. I can't imagine what people are thinking right now.
He moves to the bathroom and takes off his wet clothes and I call someone to come dry them pronto. I hand them off with a demand to do it as fast as they can. When I close the door he comes strolling out with nothing on but a towel and a smile.
"You know we seem to have a lot of time on our hands. Whatever should we do with it?"
I narrow my eyes at him. "You planned this didn't you?"
"You are the one who suggested a walk by the pool." He points out.
"You grabbed me."
"I held you in my arms."
"You didn't let go."
"I intend to never let go of you ever again. Now, don't you want to get out of those wet clothes?"
I stand there.
"You'll catch a cold."
"This is Texas. It's like eighty degrees out there." I argue.
"Bella Marie, take off your wet clothes. If it makes you feel better, I'll turn my back."
He does just that.
"I'll go use the bathroom." I flee and he sighs.
He mutters something under his breath.
"Did you say something out there?" I called him.
"I said to take your time." He calls back.
I don't hear him after that. "You're being awfully quiet." No answer so I peek my head out.
"What are you doin'?"
He holds up my nail polish. "Nice color."
"Put that down,"I demand then close the door to a crack. "You know not everything belongs to you, Cullen. You can't just go around doing as you please."
"You know you called me Masen when we fell into the water."
"That was a reflex action." I drop my robe, take off my wet clothes and shuck them into the corner of the bathroom. I then grab a lightweight cotton dress that I have hanging, pulling it on.
"Did you mean what you said?"
"When?" I hedge.
"Before we got wet." I'm quiet then. "Bella?" He prompts.
"When have I ever said something I didn't mean?" I counter. "Unlike some other people I know."
"Well, not long ago you were pretty mad at me."
"I meant that too."
"What changed your mind?"
"Good question," I mutter under my breath. Louder I say, "I don't know, maybe I figured you'd become a new and different person. But you're just the same old Cullen."
"That's not true and I think you know it. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to admit you keep thinking about the good times. And how I made you feel. Did you actually say you thought you would die of loving me?"
"Yeah. And there's something else I want to say before I chicken out. It felt really good to say all that out loud. But that doesn't mean I'm done being mad at you or I could ever think of you the same way again."
I feel him right up next to the door. So I move closer to it.
"But I do love you. And yes you don't deserve it."
"But don't we both deserve to be as happy as we possibly can be? You deserve to be happy more than me of course. And Masen. He deserves to be happy too. Nice guys shouldn't finish last. You know I tried to do my best by him. Preserve his existence. But it wasn't enough. And I owe him and I owe you. And I like to think I owe myself. At least the chance to prove I'm not the self-serving heel you think I am. The two of you taught me how to love. And Bella Marie Swan Cullen, all I'm asking for is the chance to love you back." Oh, my heart can't take this. I smooth out my hair and go to face the music.
We look at each other.
"Enough already."
"I like that." He looks me over.
"It's the only thing I had hanging in the bathroom."
"The only thing better would be a towel."
"Oh I think one of us in a towel is temptation enough, thank you."
"I'll take mine off then." He has a gleam in his eye as his hand drifts down to where his towel is knotted together.
"Don't you dare Masen, Cullen. No." He stops.
"This name thing is kinda confusing me."
"That's not the only thing that's confusing."
"I rather like Masen but if that's too painful, how about Edward?"
"I don't think I'm ready for that."
"Whenever."
"Maybe never." My chin juts out.
"Never? Never is a cruel cold word." He places his hands gently on my shoulders. I shrink away. "Let's work on this."
"Work on what exactly?"
"On the kind of stuff that was happening out by the pool before we took a dip."
"I'm not sure where all that stuff came from," I admit.
"I'd like to think it was always there but the hurt and the anger got in the way."
"I was trying to figure out in the bathroom. I started to. I mean here I was giving you all this grief about not telling the truth and look at me."
"It just wasn't the whole truth. You were mad enough to skin me alive."
"Made me even madder I couldn't get you out of my system. But that doesn't mean I forgive you. It just means that we had a really good thing going and I miss it."
"So do I."
"If I didn't admit that I'd just be playing games too."
"I'm finished with the games. When I told you I'd never lie to you again, I meant it."
I look him up and down. He's still a little wet and his chest is all… and that V and that towel…and he's lookin' at me like that and I...
"Why don't you get a bigger towel or something?" I go to the bed and grab the throw that's on there. "Here." I throw it at him and he makes a grab for it and his towel comes loose as the blanket falls to the floor.
We both look down. Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I quickly avert my gaze turning around away from that.
He comes up behind me and wraps that blasted throw around both of us and I can feel him there. And oh God, I want to weep. I turn around slowly in his arms for I can't help myself. And his mouth is right there and he is right there and all I can think is how much I miss this and I want him and so when his mouth brushes against mine, I don't even think for once. I just feel.
It's hesitant at first like he's feeling around for my mood. Then it's breathless and fast. Then we are on the bed and he's on top of me and it's all hands and open mouths and tongues and not being able to breathe and not wanting to.
But then there's a knock on the door and I'm ripped out of this moment and I fling him off and run for the door like the hounds of hell are at my heels.
"It's your clothes." I pant.
His answer is to bang his head against the mattress in frustration. I throw his clothes at him and escape to the bathroom, splashing water on my face. When I come out, he's' dressed and he's reserved. Once again I escort him out of the privacy of my room and we settle near a fountain.
I'm the first to speak.
"Think there's something in the air down here? Bypasses the lungs and goes straight to the libido."
"Libido is good." He jokes but it falls flat. "So Bella what do you want to do?"
"I don't know."
"What do you want?" He prods.
"What I can't have."
"Which is what?"
"To go back to that Port Angeles hotel that first morning when we woke up and for you to have said, 'I think something's going on here but my name is Edward Cullen and it's gonna get complicated.'"
"I didn't."
"You didn't. So here we are. Will you do something for me?"
"Anything."
"Will you go back to Tacoma?"
His answer is to say nothing but I can feel his defeat. He stands up and nods. He calls his car and they will arrive in ten minutes. We don't say anything as we wait and when it's time I walk him to his car.
"I don't want to leave."
"Please."
"Why?"
"I don't want to make a mistake."
"It won't be."
"It could be."
"You're wrong but I'll go."
"Thank you."
"Will I see you when I get back to town?"
"Yeah."
He grips my chin and gazes down at me then stoops to my level and kisses me gently, as if he's afraid I'll break. I pull away first and look away so he doesn't see my tears.
Then he's gone leaving me standing there all alone.
I wallow for a moment then it's time to get ready for tonight. I can pity myself later.
But first… work.
Playlist:
Never Gonna Give You Up- Rick Astley (Cause I'm Rick Rolling everyone)
Make You Feel My Love- Sleeping At Last
I Want You Back- NSYNC
So, that happened...
See you Sunday.
