Forty-one – The Decision

The Decision – Division Two (14.2)

The audience does not seem to take much notice of the omissions. Caesar Flickerman continues to smile as he watches but I can sense some confusion in his eyes. I see Beetee and Jovan, though, both shaking their head.

The film shows where everybody remaining has settled for the first night, then proceeds with the daily recap. I think it has been around an hour already with still 15 days left of the Games to show. They get to where the Careers chased me, and apparently my appearance saved the Careers from checking the building the boy from District 11, Manu, was in. The whole confrontation plays out and soon I am a part of their alliance. I look at the markings, and I spin the walls in a smash cut. Sometimes they split the screen, one with the diagram, and one with a birds eye view of either the East or West Walls to show that they match. They also show Magnus messing up the Walls, as he had told me he did.

Meanwhile, Elaine is stealing from the Capitol's pile, Dominic and Imogen are cuddling, and Pyra from District 12 has made her way into the palace by nightfall.

They briefly show me and Magnus moving away from the pack to talk, although they don't show us what we say.

There is no recap since nobody had died, so the events of the next day play out. While I solve the puzzle and we reap our rewards over the drawbridge, Elaine has stolen something else from the Career pile, and the appearance of District 10 stops Pyra from sneaking out to take something for herself. It turns out Imogen has set off one of the arrows, and by the time District 10 leaves and Pyra comes out, we are already approaching to transfer the supplies. Then the whole moment of Pyra's death is replayed, and I try to make out why they show my reluctance to kill her here. I need to figure out the narrative for myself before the interviews tomorrow.

I reckon the story here is that I'm not meant to kill. Not until the end. I'm just meant to let others die. That's how I survive. That's why the three in training works here. I'm not trying to show that I'm a murderous threat so early. I have a feeling they will make Ringo's death so bloody and so glorious.

I don't even react to what plays on screen. I just have a constant, irritated face, like Cassius' resting expression. But for some reason the Capitol likes that, and they put me on the corner of the screen here. I hope the districts know what I'm really annoyed at.

They show Pyra's face, then move onto the next day to the hunt, where Ryno successfully hid from us while we scoured the place. To think that he was there behind that building the whole time! Then it's the chase with Elaine inadvertently saving Ringo's building from being searched, and then our refuge in that building. They put great focus on my face here, which looks awful now, and my excitement that this is the building we're going in. With the explosions that happen later, they want to paint me as an smart, indirect killer. I should get used to the parts they leave out, like when I look at Magnus sadly, only showing me taking his bag and leaving everybody else to die in there. Of course, not everybody did die, but they edited it to look like it was all my plan. They had it half-right here. It was my plan to leave, but not to kill anybody.

I think the Capitol's starting to become bored with my reactions, because when I randomly sneeze twice at the part where I run away, they display it on the screen. They highlight the remaining three Career's arguments and struggles in front of the inaccessible drawbridge. Mariana is especially angry with me for not being with them, and that they will have to survive without all their items. Jade and Quentin encourage Mariana to try solve the puzzle themselves and after a while they go off, but that is when the fire happens. It draws them back out onto the moat. Elaine was also in the North Garden at this time, and she is forced to escape via the East Walls. It shows the smoke affecting all of us except for those in the South Garden, but Manu appeared to be the most susceptible, coughing real hard. Is it asthma or some kind of condition?

They display Virgil, and then Magnus, followed by me, like their deaths were intended by me. I hate it. I refuse to believe that Ringo was not the only tribute I've killed. Day Five begins, and I meet Ryno with his sickle at my throat. I'm surprised to find out they haven't taken out a lot of our conversation, and it's not really twisted to show that I don't mean anything that I say to Ryno. I try to figure out why and how this connects to the story the Capitol's pulling on, but I can't get it exactly. Not much else happens in the day. Dominic and Imogen and spending their time hunting, Resa, Ringo, and Manu stay in their place, and the Careers spend literal hours staring at the back of the palace.

They skip over what happened with Ryno and I that night and kick off the next day with the rain. Everyone is under some form of shelter, and Dominic and Imogen have an argument over whether they should look for other people in the alliance to work with. Next, a montage of Ryno and I digging the explosives out of the wall plays. The Capitol aren't upset by my actions? As far as I know, they hate explosives, let alone me taking them out from the buildings they made. Do they like my ingenuity? Is this my specialty they want to show everybody? I do not understand, because my traps didn't do anything else but work.

Then they show how Manu died, which is news to me. He died after the building he was inside collapsed, but there seemed to be a few more factors than that. He did not try to escape at all. Was it starvation? Sickness? Suicidal tendencies? It was haunting, the way he didn't move. That is another death I will have ingrained in my mind forever.

When the rain clears, the Careers are desperate for their supplies and set out to solve the puzzle themselves, not before receiving the first sponsor gift I have seen. So it seems this year, they really saved the donations until later.

Not long after, the audience makes a loud "Oh!" when Ryno drinks too much of the laxative his sponsors gave him. The love story continues between Dominic and Imogen, and they too receive some gifts. I think we're about halfway through the film when they show Manu's face and play the highlights of the next day. They neglect to show Ryno and I until we start moving to the South Garden. Meanwhile, Elaine is everywhere, and witnesses the trio of Careers lower the drawbridge and regain access to their supplies. Good for them.

With some dramatic editing, I watch Ryno get caught in Resa's snare trap. I wonder how they will twist this footage, since I don't think I showed a hint of anything other than sadness during this moment. After I cut Ryno down and he knocks Resa's branch out of her hands, they skip around one minute to a split second of me talking to Resa, and another minute to when Ryno enters his sickle into her chest. Nothing on my compassion towards Resa. Nothing on Resa's last words. If I wasn't already upset by this enough, they turn to my face and… am I smiling? No way did I smile here! No, this is wrong. What did they do? Fake a smile onto my face? Digitally alter the footage frame by frame? This is madness. This manipulation is never going to end. In this seat, I am fuming. I turn to look at Jovan and Beetee and with their great memories they know what is missing, and I see them mouth to me to breathe and calm down. I just can't believe the price to pay for surviving is not guilt, but fraud.

After my birthday celebration which brings out some hoorays from the live audience, I tough out the next hour and a bit. A lot of it is dedicated to the reptiles in Day 8, showing how they affected everybody left. The Careers, Elaine, and Ringo were ambushed exactly as Elaine had told us, and same with District 10. The rest of the events play out fast because I'm too busy thinking about the life that I'll live, pretending I'm some silent assassin. Day 9 flies by with Ryno and I setting up the traps, Elaine and Ringo meeting with Dominic and Imogen, and the Careers struggling to cope. Day 10 has a little more footage, with the Coalition banding up. Of course, they skip out on our serious conversations but they constantly switch between the alliances, setting up for the battle all of us were expecting, including the Careers.

Then comes the long, dreadful confrontation, then all the two-on-one battles. If it wasn't us on the screen, and it wasn't a whole bunch of innocent children fighting to the death, I'd say this would have been quite epic. A shootout happens between Jade and Imogen, and Ringo seemed hesitant to do anything. That should have been a warning sign of his loyalty. Maybe Imogen did see it, and that is what she whispered to Dominic afterwards which caused him to talk to Ringo alone. When Imogen and Ringo chase after Jade, she makes the one final shot that wounds Imogen before she's gone.

The combat between Dominic, Elaine, and Mariana is very intense. A lot of near misses with Mariana's spear. Mariana did not go down easily, demonstrating her skills avoiding Dominic and Elaine's attacks. Eventually, Elaine manages to get in close and stab her in the side with the awl, and Dominic moves in to finish her off.

Then my relationship-dampening moment with Ryno and Quentin follows, all the way from the chase to Quentin's horrific death. They cleverly put in Quentin's rebellious words before he dies to probably show that whoever claims to defy the Capitol deserves to be killed, and I hate it. They emphasise my inaction during that sequence and I realise that makes me look bad, being the one to survive and watch over the battles. The sound of Quentin's throat is replayed and I hate that I have had to listen to it again. I have tried my best to forget that noise. It is one of the worst I have ever heard.

It hasn't even been a minute since the Coalition met up when Ringo's betrayal happens. I spot a few tears in the audience when Imogen dies in Dominic's arms. It is the ending of an extremely rare love story, although I think some were just crying because they had to relive the moment they lost so much money putting their bets in on District 10.

I then see the moment Ringo sliced Elaine's leg which I have only heard from Ryno's words. It is worse than I visualised. Ryno did an exceptional job treating her before she could bleed out. It only now dawns on me that they both Elaine and Ryno were killed as a result of Ringo's axe.

Except for them, we are all separated. Ringo was correct about him not working with Jade. The interior of the palace is massive with many rooms and sets of stairs, like a labyrinth, and Ringo and Jade did not encounter each other once inside. However, it appeared as if he always tried to avoid her, never wanting to confront her. Dominic never let go of Imogen, and he had to be briefly paralysed so the hovercraft could take her body. Dominic responded erratically, destroying whatever he could see in the garden, before he could calm down.

The three faces of the dead appear, followed by me successfully catching the squirrel, following me until I find the fire. They show me, Dominic, Ryno, and Elaine from drone cameras. All four tributes trying to beat it to the wall. But Ryno had to end up piggybacking Elaine. She refused to let him to do so, pulled herself down and said goodbye, and Ryno had no choice but to leave her tearfully. Fortunately, Elaine isn't shown dying for practical reasons, but the last thing we see of her helpless body on the floor is it being consumed by the flames. That does not make it any less sad. The shot immediately cuts to me as if her death was my doing. I really should be used to this edit by now, but I am not.

After Elaine's young face appears, a super long montage of the three following, gruelling days is shown. Ringo and Jade receive one sponsor gift each on Day 13. Ringo gets another on Day 14. It turns out Ringo and Jade were not spared from the fog the same day, but it was so thin, their hallucinations were probably daily hassles such as dropping jewellery on the ground or cutting the wrong branch of a tree. Ryno eventually makes it to a building as he had said, and I was the only tribute to figure out that pain was a short-term remedy. But Dominic had to endure for almost the whole day, and seeing him scream in agony constantly is terrible. When the fog ends, he receives nothing for his efforts, but Ryno and I do. On Day 15, nobody receives gifts because the rain would knock the parachutes all down. Everybody was sheltered except Dominic who, over time, became soaked when the sleeping bag he used could no longer hold any water. I feel so sorry for him. He spent his last days the worst way possible.

The announcement of the Feast starts the last thirty minutes of the film, which is also the moment my legs are feeling extremely tired, and my urge to use the restroom is immense. But I push through, to watch myself make my way to Ryno with my makeshift torch and matches. They are focusing a lot on my ability to get into alliances, but refusing to show any time I have expressed something genuine, like at my ally's deaths. They are trying hard to make it just alliances to get me further. But I have made relationships, and it repulses me that the Capitol is afraid of that.

In some exaggerated editing and transitions, they show all five of us getting ready for our banquet. Ryno and I west, Dominic east, Jade at the palace doors, Ringo warily a distance behind her. Once the table of food clicks into place, the events are almost uncut. Dominic running in, Jade taking her shot, Ryno slowly making his way around.

Then Jade fires the shot at Ryno that initiates the carnage. Dominic charges at Jade, gets pierced in the shoulder, and they both move off. Ringo emerges, Ryno shouts Loaf, and I run to the cornucopia. First, they show the battle between Dominic and Jade, which I did not witness in the arena. Now, I see Dominic lacked any sort of strategy, running towards Jade with desperation and nothing else. He even threw his spiked mace at Jade, which she dodged skilfully, his only weapon gone. Once Jade figured this out, she turns and takes her easy shots. The first hits the right side of his chest, but not enough to bring him down, or affect him from running. The second then hits his upper thigh, and this slows him, allowing Jade to regain some distance for a comfortable, impactful shot with her final arrow. And this arrow makes it way inside Dominic's mouth, and pierces the back of his throat. My heart rate rises once again like I am witnessing his death for the first time in the arena. He is a goner, slumping to the ground. Jade approaches his dying body and retrieves his pack and his arrows to allow him to quickly bleed out.

A quick update to the cornucopia where Ringo and Ryno are still at each other, and then back to Jade. This poses the question, how did she die if she looks relatively unharmed now? For some reason, she doesn't return to the cornucopia, she makes her way down east, edging closer to the buildings where I laid my trap. I gasp. Was it my trap that killed her? My question is answered. I flinch hard when her feet make contact with the wire, and the explosion knocks her away. In three pieces. Her leg lands in the opposite direction of her other leg, which also carries a bit of her pelvis. The rest of her body is blown towards the rubble, her head hitting hard against the rock. She is dead, just like that.

The scene, the blood, the body parts, almost gets me to spew. I have to look away, retching. That is all my doing. I killed her. I ignore the audience's cheer for their victor's work and come to terms with seeing me kill two tributes instead of one. Yes, I made those traps with the intention to get me further, but it completely flew from my mind that I would have to watch it work on somebody after I win. I can't believe I have made Jade's body so desecrated and gruesome. Her family will have to get her back in three pieces.

I have not yet recovered from Jade's death when they show what happens at the same time - Ringo and his axe overpowering Ryno and his sickle, burying his weapon into Ryno's leg, knocking him down. I have the same helpless feeling as I did then, as Jade's cannon booms and Ringo goes after me, our whole chase playing out in full. The Capitol audience here is louder than they have ever been since the presentations of our team, like they are back to watching the Games live. Then it comes to the point where I kill Ringo ruthlessly, and ruthless it shows. It did not help the districts that Ringo was talking about defying the Capitol, and I effectively silenced him for that. It helped the Capitol instead.

The screen isn't showing any of my reactions anymore, since I cannot help but look absolutely ill. Then it is the final moment with Ryno and I, and to my shock, they play my whole goodbye in full, from me writing the names, to me singing his Wheat song, to kissing him, and to pulling the axe out of his leg. The only goodbye they have completely shown. I'm glad they finally did, but I do not get it. How does it fit the Capitol's narrative with these highlights?

I guess they want me to sing just like Jovan told me, but they just broadcasted to the whole of Panem how to harvest wheat, when they don't want the people to know about the specific workings of other districts. Is my voice that good that sharing it to the people just outweighs their agenda?

There are also the names. My intentions in writing them were to remember the tributes and how special they all really are. They could have edited my face to look happy as I'm writing them so it looks like I'm doing some sort of successful hit list, but no. My singing and crying face must be too hard to alter, or they do think I did a good thing for the tributes. That would be one shred of decency.

And the kiss. That beautiful kiss. The fact that Capitol doesn't want close friendships to happen between two tributes of different districts has me confused here, let alone an action of love between us. The audience appears to like it, though, hushing one another to take it all in. Maybe I am just overthinking everything and it all makes for good television. Or they don't want to completely ruin my reputation by including one good thing at least. The moment makes for a good finale. I just doubt they would prioritise viewing pleasure over their shitty values right now.

The film finally ends with the declaration of my victory and after the screen goes dark, the lights come back on and the filmmakers are thanked with cheers.

"Now is the moment you've all been waiting for." teases Caesar. "It is time to crown your victor of the Sixty-sixth Hunger Games! Now to do the honours, please welcome the President of Panem, Coriolanus Snow!"

The Anthem plays once more and we all rise as President Snow presents himself on the stage, followed by a little girl carrying the cushion that holds the coveted golden crown.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your victor of the Sixty-sixth Hunger Games." announces Caesar. "The Dentonator, Henry Denton of District Three!"

The Dentonator? That is new- No, Ryno said something like it before. I like it, but I don't think it suits me, even with the bomb reference and the pun with my last name. And I am not sure it will stick, though. Not a lot of nicknames are mentioned as much as the names. I don't even think Beetee, Wiress, or Jovan had nicknames, and if they did, nobody has talked about it.

Before I know it, I find myself face to face with President Snow holding the crown. He places the crown on my brow, smiling, but I know what is under that smile. Happiness that he can control me confidently. That I cannot speak out against him and the Capitol. I smile back, perfecting the genuine look I have trained for since being on that train.

I wave with both arms to the audience after I'm crowned, but that's a mistake, because the waving goes on for ten minutes and I did not leave any arms to rest and alternate with. After much chanting of my name and waves of cheering every time I bow, Caesar Flickerman finally bids the audience good night, reminding them to tune in tomorrow for the final interviews. That's right, I need to prepare for the final interviews. I do not want to be dragged to President Snow's enormous mansion for the Victory Banquet when I can have time with my mentors.

Of course, that is what happens. I don't even have time eat a whole meal peacefully as sponsors and Capitol officials crowd around me to take pictures from their flashy cameras. I am pretty sure in one of them, I had just taken an huge, unflattering bite of honey soy chicken beforehand. Some old man named Horace goes "Thank you for making these clever gadgets!" referring to his old-modelled camera. Well, it is bombs that I make but thank you for acknowledging my district, anyway. A few others ask questions which I am sure will be answered in the interview tomorrow, so I just respond with "Sorry, I don't know" until the next picture-taker pushes them off.

Between photos and bites, I spot Beetee and Jovan around with others, no doubt receiving praise, but I can't even make considerable progress walking over to them for some company. Even Martinus and Tatiana are busy somewhere.

I just want to go back to my quarters in the Training Center, especially since these people are becoming terribly intoxicated and out-there, and I feel way too vulnerable to mix in with that type and energy. Eventually, though, Beetee manages to sneak his way over to me, and the relief is massive enough that I must have shown it.

"Hey, Henry." says Beetee. "How are you enjoying your first night as victor?"

"It's interesting..." I trail off, and Beetee stares at me expectantly. "It's too much."

"You'll get used to it." he says. "After another month-"

We are interrupted by a bunch of prestigious guests. "It's Henry with Beetee!" They shout and echo, and a whole bunch of them engulf us for pictures. We are unable to continue or conversation as a result.

Just as the crowd begins to die down, Jovan somehow comes in from behind Beetee and I.

"What's happening here?" He asks.

"It's Henry with Beetee and Jovan!" the people squeal, and we're met with yet another swarm of talking colour. I guess I do understand. Three of their idolised victors in the same place. But under the laughs, smiles, and kisses, I am ready to bolt out of this place.

Eventually, Beetee and Jovan whisper something with each other, and then Jovan directs me to President Snow's guest toilets, large enough to be gendered, requesting the eager crowd to excuse their recent victor for feeling sick. They don't follow us into the bathrooms, which are empty. The bathroom fake-out really works anywhere. Jovan pulls me into one the private rooms.

"This is nice." I comment.

"Henry." Jovan says with a hushed tone. "We really don't have a lot of time now, or even after this, so we'll get to it now."

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Help for the interview." he says. Good, I'm eager to listen in. "Listen, now that we've seen the highlights, how do you think they want you to act?"

I cast my mind back to the highlights, which have been blurred due to the chaos of this banquet. "Like a tribute who made alliances just to protect themselves and stand back from most of the fights." I say.

"That's what I got." says Jovan. "Keep that up."

"But-" I protest.

"I know you hate it." says Jovan. "Because it's not true. We know it's not true. Everybody who knows you knows you meant well with all the tributes. But... I'm worried."

"Worried about what?" I question. "The Capitol going to do something if I say something different?"

"Precisely." whispers Jovan. "The scope of leniency here is- Hold on, there's somebody here."

We hear the door to the adjoining room open and shut, then retching. Our faces at each other say it all. We can then hear the person leave.

"It's probably that potion." says Jovan. "Anyway, as I was saying, the risk of something happening if you say something that isn't congruent with the Capitol is large. This is because your Games are the most rebellious ones in the while. Same with you as a victor this year. This also means you might be closely monitored. More cameras. There might be some in this bathroom right now."

"That's wrong." I say.

"Yeah, I doubt it." says Jovan.

"But what happens if I do say something wrong?" I ask. "What can the Capitol do?"

"So much." answers Jovan, and immediately I realise how easy the answer to my question was. "They might think you'll use your status as a victor to be some kind of leader for uprisings in the districts."

"Uprisings?" I question. "Wait, that's extreme-"

"And they might punish you not by killing you." continues Jovan. "But..."

I think shallowly about what Jovan had just said, using my platform to essentially fight for what is right. It's one of the reasons I wanted Ryno to win the Games, and now I'm in that position. What did he say I was as an animal? A mockingjay. Not just for singing, but as a symbol to be against the Capitol. I can encourage people to rebel. I have had a good foundation for that in the arena already. I am almost irritated with Jovan for being against such this action. I thought he hated the Capitol.

But when I think deeper, there is a lot more to consider. This could lead in the Capitol fighting back, and could culminate into a full-scale war. A second Dark Days. And with how rich the Capitol is, the districts will certainly lose once again. War is the last thing I want, and I don't know if people are that desperate to go to such lengths yet. The Hunger Games may evolve into a severe punishment for the districts. Double the tributes, possibly. Increase the age range.

"Think of your family." Jovan nails the last point in. That's right. They might kill my family to punish me, like they may have done with other victors. I can't let my family go before I even have the chance to see them.

Tomorrow in the interview, I can just keep it the same, instead of possibly ruining it all, causing many more deaths for no success.

"I get it." I tell Jovan, my eyes watering. "I get it."

"I'm sorry." says Jovan like he was for omitting these disadvantages of surviving, rather than the advantages instead. "It all gets better, I promise."

I'm not sure it will, if I can't change anything for the greater good. I thought I have already learned the lesson on how to be selfish. Not yet. Tomorrow is the test.

"The Training Center will probably have cameras." says Jovan. "We'll talk more tonight there about less sensitive content for the interview, okay?"

"Right." I say, unenthused. "Thank you, Jovan. I owe you and Beetee so much."

"You paid your debt already by surviving to stay with us." says Jovan. "Now go find Beetee on your own because I need to use the bathroom."

I hurry on out of there, survive the people asking me if I'm feeling okay, and make my way back to Beetee. This was not before I spot President Snow milling around with some guests. He doesn't once look at me, but I feel like he always does while I'm not aware, which is terrifying. Fortunately, the Banquet ends soon as the sun is setting, and I am back at the Training Center with my team.

When the doors open to the third floor, Tatiana asks me to change because I'll be wearing the same thing tomorrow night, and she will take care of the outfit. I would love to say how great it is to be alone back in my quarters, but it isn't. Even without Jovan's warnings about me being monitored, I still feel a sense of unease coming from the arena, where there were cameras watching me everywhere. I return to the sitting room with a dark green shirt and pants and the ceremonial outfit in my hand to find my team wanting me to sing.

"What do I sing?" I ask, then I notice Tatiana has an audio recording device in her hand. "Is this being recorded?"

"Just practice for your moment tomorrow afternoon." says Martinus. "No doubt they'd want you to sing."

Singing is probably the talent the Capitol would want me to have as a victor. Every victor has one, to just showcase to the Capitol and the people after the win. Beetee does inventing, and Jovan may have been a comedian with only the Capitol folk. But I don't think I'd want to sing. Now that I think of it, they would want me to sing some awful propaganda messages that I don't approve of. I will have to find another one that also doesn't include making explosives for the Capitol to use against the districts.

"You can sing anything." says Tatiana. "Even just some la la's can work."

I give a performance that is not my best, and then Tatiana plays it back on her device, delivering crisp quality of my voice that still needs to recover.

"That's perfect!" says Tatiana, surprising me. "And thanks for the outfit. I'll give it back tomorrow morning for the interview."

I sit down. "So what questions do you think they'll ask me?"

"How you felt at some points in the arena." says Beetee.

Together, my mentors go over some notable events in the Games and I give my thoughts on them. This includes Radia's and Ryno's deaths, which were a struggle for me to bring my mind back to. Even I couldn't really answer my reaction to Magnus, Resa, and Quentin, but I am glad we're doing this now, because I would have failed at the interview even if Caesar tried to help me.

The hardest part, though, is being unable to be completely honest. How I'd love to yell at the Capitol for somebody like Radia to die, or even weep at how close I was with Ryno and other tributes. I see Jovan begin to shake his head and widen his eyes whenever I went on the verge to defying the Capitol. I think Martinus and Tatiana are oblivious to the whole situation, so they are accepting everything that I say. At least Beetee and Jovan are allowing me to omit claiming false things.

After we go through all events up until I have been declared the victor, Beetee and Jovan instruct me to go to bed as I have had a massive day today, and another massive one tomorrow, where I will be on air at two and on the train back to District 3 afterwards. My home. I get to bed quickly and try to sleep so it will be sooner for when I see my family and my people again. But I can't, because my moral standards are being challenged to the point where I can't rest until a decision has been made. And I cannot decide. I guess the sensible choice is to just follow the actions of past victors but I have not made that choice yet, and that is what bugs me. After taking a short water around my room and sipping some water, I finally doze off.

I wake up very early before any of my team get the chance to, and I just consume some oatmeal from the menu. Simple, yet delicious. I could go for the rest of my life just eating oatmeal. Okay, maybe not. Two months at best.

I hear my prep team chattering as they enter my quarters so I quickly finish off in the bathroom before they could burst in inconsiderately. As usual, they work on me while blubbering away about me and the Games and I have no obligation to interrupt them. Tatiana eventually arrives with my outfit and once I'm dressed in front of the mirror, I look the exact same as yesterday. I still like it.

"Just one surprise addition!" cheers Tatiana.

"What is it?" I ask.

"One surprise addition!" Tatiana repeats. I thank her, but I don't think I want to handle any more surprises.

The interview takes place in the sitting room of our floor rather than anywhere real public, but before I get there I meet the rest of my team giving me support. Jovan assures me they will be there in the room with me to guide me non-verbally. Beetee reminds me of my answers, and then they trail me as I head down the hall.

The organisers have cleared the couches and both Caesar Flickerman's chair and the victor's chair from last night have been moved in, surrounded by midnight blue vases of colourful tulips. There are only an arc of six or so cameras in front, while a few seats are placed behind them for my team and some officials to sit in.

Caesar approaches me warmly and gives me a firm handshake.

"Congratulations, Henry." he says, wrapping both hands around mine. "How are you faring?"

"Fine." I say. "Very nervous about this interview."

"Oh, you will do well." Says Caesar encouragingly. "Just like you did at your first interview."

"I don't think I've had enough time to prepare for this one." I admit. "I'm not too good at talking without being prepared."

"Well, I'll do my best to help you so this will go smoothly, Henry." he replies. "But there are no right or wrong answers here, so don't be too worried."

"Thanks Caesar." I say. "Do I look under-prepared?"

Caesar doesn't even take a second to look me up and down. "You look wonderful, Henry. I'm loving this signature look."

"I think I forgot to wear perfume." I say.

Caesar looks at his watch. "Well, I can fix that." he says, turning to one of his crew. "Thea, can you please fetch this young man some perfume?"

"Oh no." I wave my hands around. "No, there's no need."

"What scent?" Caesar insists.

I think about it. "Eucalyptus." I answer.

Caesar relays the message to Thea and she comes up to spray me.

"Thank you." I say to both Thea and Caesar.

"I've got you." says Caesar. "Hard to be nervous now, right?"

I do feel better, but not enough to moisten my dry throat. I'd ask for water, but I'm afraid I have satisfied enough favours already. I think about my answers and about how they can possibly change the future of Panem or keep the oppression stagnant. I look at Beetee and Jovan for assurance, and they both nod at me in confidence that I can just pass this easily. No consequences. But you may never know when there is a question and the urge to spill becomes too much.

Caesar warns me to be ready and I feel a surge of panic. With how little people there are in the room, it doesn't even feel like an official broadcast when one of the cameramen counts backwards and I am live to all of Panem.

Caesar Flickerman moves to his affable and helpful ways as the interviewer, firstly asking simple questions like how I am and how it feels to be victor. Then he moves onto the events of the Games, beginning from the bloodbath.

"Now tell me, you stood on that plate for longer than I've seen anybody." says Caesar. "And you were able to see all your fellow tributes attack each other. Tell me, what was on your mind? What was the reasoning behind you staying?"

The question requires more of an open answer than I expected, but I try my best with what I prepare.

"Half of me was saying 'Go, run in.' And the other half was saying, 'Go, run away. So I did neither." I say. "I, um, thought it'd be best to go in and take some items later, while everybody's busy with each other and that. But of course, I had to see so much bloodshed. One of them was Abel, the boy from District 6, and it was terrible..."

Because I liked him and it's so awful to have children die, I think.

"Because I haven't seen death outside of the screen, but he is the first who I really saw die right in front of my eyes. And uh, there was this moment, I first talked to him in training, and he introduced himself. 'Hi, I'm Abel.' And I said something along the lines of 'You're able to fight?' And I was embarrassed because I didn't think it was his name." Did I speak too much? I feel like I always speak too much or speak too little. I wanted to let people know the awkward side of me while providing some humour, but it is a little awkward in the room itself without a large audience to laugh at me. At least here is Caesar to do just that.

"Oh, haha! That's such an adorable mistake to make." says Caesar. I nod along, looking down. "Now your strategy worked, and you even played dead. You survived, well done, and then later that day to find Radia, your district partner. But then..."

"She died." I finish.

"Yes, tragically." Says Caesar. "How did you feel being there, as she was dying?"

I take a moment to think, but a lot of the time is spent trying not to break down instead. Beetee and Jovan said that I have relatively free reign to talk about Radia, since she is not from another district.

"When I first saw her that day, I was so happy." I say. "We learned a lot about each other on the days leading to the arena, and we became much closer than I ever thought. So when we reunited, I thought I finally have somebody to work with and to stay with, especially since I didn't know that other allies that I'd made during training have already died." I neglect to reveal any further details about Connie and Greig, but I want the audience to know that I had made more relationships than what was shown on screen. "But Radia was taken so soon and I was heartbroken. I stayed with her body for a while..." I have a feeling that sharing her words of feeling satisfied right before she took her last breaths are borderline against what the Capitol wants. Radia was supposed to die awfully. She was lucky. Yet a person like her still deserved so much better than to die at sixteen, but I omit also to include that.

"I stayed because I just didn't want to lose her. I was so sad and in shock, and I was surprised afterwards that the Careers who killed her didn't follow through and kill me right there as well."

Caesar Flickerman nods. "It's always hard to lose a friend like that, but what you said about the Careers not killing you, we saw you with the Careers the next day." he says. "One thing we know about you, Henry, is that you've talked to so many tributes. Is it possible you had some sort of secret alliance with the Careers that they didn't decide to kill you?"

I cast my mind back to Guano's conversations, but since he's the only one I really talked to and I disliked the Careers then, I don't think it really warrants me calling them an alliance.

"No, they wanted me for the puzzle." I answer.

"Oh yes, the puzzle!" says Caesar. "That was a work of art by Gaea Jasper. Was it easy by your standards?"

"Knowing what to do was easy." I say. "But actually doing it, running so much, was hard. So it was a good balance."

And it goes like that for the majority of the interviews, Caesar making sure that what we talk about segues into the next event chronologically. Every time, I have to make sure that I'm not saying anything that is too defiant, but not enough that it does not show who I am.

Referring to Virgil's and Magnus' deaths, I had to downplay what Caesar suggested the role of being the mastermind behind the deaths, but not indicating that I actually wanted to save Magnus. "I just wanted to get out of the alliance before it was time to turn on me." I say. "It was my best bet."

Sometimes, I look at my mentors and I see them signal that I'm talking too much, not that I'm talking too long. I make my answers briefer as a result.

Still, having to omit so much of what I truly felt fills up so much inside me, and the urge to just blurt it out becomes greater and greater. There might be the question that just might tip me over, and the desire to follow through and incite the audience against the Capitol will finally happen.

Explaining Ringo's kill was particularly hard, because none of it looked good for me. If I try to claim that I didn't mean to, nobody might believe it. If I completely justify it with revenge for betrayal against my allies, that might move into the friendship with other districts territory.

"Emotion." I say. "I thought he killed my ally, and then he taunts me, and it was also the finale. Pure emotion."

"There was a lot of emotion, alright." says Caesar. "We saw you afterwards, with your ally, Ryno. But before we talk about that touching moment with him, you did something quite different which I don't think any of us has seen before -the names. Just talk me through that."

Fortunately, I prepared for this, but this question was one of the hardest to come up with an acceptable response for. I had to balance what the Capitol really wants me to say, the completely untrue notion of writing down all the names of the children I've beaten, and what I truly want to say, but it somehow smacks of rebellion.

"I wanted to memorialise all the tributes that helped me get to where I am now." I answer. "They've become very special to me, to have sadly lost their lives for me to be the victor. Especially my allies, but I didn't want to leave anybody out. I don't know, it just felt right for me to do it at the end of my time in the arena."

I don't even notice Caesar wiping his eye with a tissue. "I'm sorry, Henry. How considerate of you. It's just so historic." I wonder how much he'd be pouring if I had said what I really wanted. I'm glad he helped me justify my actions for historical and theatrical reasons than exacerbate it by implying that I'm getting everybody in Panem to remember the tributes for more than what the Capitol wants. "I think I'll need another tissue when you explain the kiss. Not just the kiss but your final moments with Ryno. Now pour your heart out to all of Panem? How did you feel? Honestly."

I don't think I should do honestly, Caesar, but you are making me really want to. Nobody knows how much I want to just spill. The longer this interview goes on, the more I feel morally culpable. I just want to leave. Maybe I can straight after this question, because it was the last moment before I won.

I try to find the answer I already have in my head, but I find it mixed with what my mouth wants to speak. "I, uh, was just really sad." I say. "You know, we were together for a long time in the arena, and he's done so much for me. It just hurt." It feels like I'm using so much of my mental strength to not clarify that I do not love him and there's nothing more than an alliance, because that isn't true. I do love him, but I try my best not to say that either.

With my inability to be that honest here, Caesar looks expectant for more words but then surprised when I cease my response. "Oh, well, I don't think any of us has seen anything like this between tributes from different non-Career districts. Do you think there will be more following your way here in the future?"

Oh, I really hope so. I don't want division between the districts. I would love harmony, the prospects of less violence sound amazing. But we all know I absolutely cannot make that known. It'll encourage the districts to unite, learn about one another, be peaceful with one another, which is exactly the opposite what the Capitol wants. My answer here can be huge not only causing unity, but war against the Capitol. I need to be subtle. Even the very question Caesar is asking is precarious. I almost think he's inciting me to say something against the Capitol. Like it's a test. I think of why future tributes shouldn't be like me in the arena.

"No, I don't think so." I smile through the struggle, but I make myself sound vulnerable to show that I've really suffered, which isn't that hard now. "You should save yourselves the pain."

"Sage advice, Henry." says Caesar. I don't feel like I've passed the test. Even with Jovan nodding at me in approval behind a camera, I still feel commoners, the faces of the dead tributes, staring at me in hope of saying what I really think. Maybe the actual test is courage to stand up for the people.

Then when I hoped it'd be the end and I would just have to sing, it moved to questions that didn't refer to a particular event, rather considering the Games as a whole. Those I did not prepare for, and I noticeably struggle because of it. If there is a question that has me potentially talking about the rights of the people and the harshness of the Capitol…

"Tell me, at what moment did you think you were really going to win?" ponders Caesar.

"Oh, um." Luckily this isn't one of those questions, but I still struggle. "It changed. Uh..."

"The first time, then." says Caesar, but I make it known that that doesn't really help me. "You seemed particularly hopeful when the Feast was announced."

With that idea, I don't take much longer to answer. Thank you, Caesar. "Yes." I say. "When I finally found Ryno that night before the Feast, I thought I had the best chances to win. We were the only alliance remaining at that point, and for that we were stronger than everybody else."

Caesar nods. "Yes, I think I remember your odds skyrocketing at that point."

I smile in response. Okay this is it, right? No more questions? Just let me sing.

"Now, Henry, I love that your answers are so in-depth and so open. We all love it." comments Caesar. "You have really shown who you are. Kind, selfless, genuine. But I think there are a lot of us who think that didn't come out during the film highlights yesterday. You seemed a little more strategic, using your numerous alliances to get you further. Staying back when it was dangerous, then finally coming in with that kill against Ringo. Do you think the film was right and accurate about you?"

I freeze. This is the question. And it's yes or no question. There will be hardly any available in-between responses here. It will decide it all. I either agree with the Capitol's false portrayal of me, or essentially say right to their face that they are wrong. Of course, the film did not show who I actually am and what completely happened, except the end. But if I say no without giving further justification, Caesar will force it out of me and I'll have to oblige.

I can say no and claim they have missed parts that shows I'm much more clever and competitive, but that would not make any sense. I've abided by the film and the live broadcast of the Games itself in this interview. Changing to a more brutal tribute now would be confusing and suspicious. And besides, that completely goes against what I want to show what I am, and what I want the people to do, since both of those are inseparable here.

If I be truthful here, saying no and then stating, expressly or by implication, that they did not show the fullness of my selflessness at certain deaths, I have clearly spoken against the Capitol. I'm clearly supporting the formation of relationships between tributes, which, Games aside, I strongly think is right. That's the problem, because the Capitol does not think it's right. They can do anything because of my words, like kill my family. Attacks. War. The repercussions can be colossal. They wouldn't kill my family, would they? Especially considering my little brother has become a beloved star on the screen. But for all I know, they will twist my words to turn the gullible Capitol people against me and my family.

But the people of the districts will not fall for the Capitol. They will take my word over theirs as somebody from the districts themselves. This is my chance to be a real victor. Make a real change. It seems I'm conflating such a simple question into something so massive and paramount, but at the same time, it does not seem that silly. I remember every tribute I can who have died in the arenas at the Capitol's hands, and the grief of their families. I am hearing Jovan's words of what the Capitol forced him to do, Ringo's recount of the mistreatment of his father. I see the men, women, and children back in the Revolt, suffering under the Capitol's control to favour the imbalance of wealth and power. Answering no here is important. It is for them, the people of the districts who've unfairly been through so much because of the Capitol's ways. By saying I have been more genuine than what Capitol claims I am, I can encourage them to challenge the Capitol and fight together for what they deserve. I can fulfil what Ryno wanted for his district to feel like he does against the Capitol.

This is what I have always wished for. Stop this all from happening. Promote equality and a people-powered system. And I am finally in a position to do this. I cannot pass this up. I feel a lot of people are looking at me right now, needing for me to speak for them. After so many victors from richer districts, they are looking at me with hope. And I can do it, right now. I just have to say the words.

I look around this casual space. All of a sudden, I feel like keeping silent about such defiant thoughts are no longer that important… It's the people of Panem who are. Alright, here goes. I formulate my pivotal answer, which comes up really easily.

"No, I don't think it really showed who I was in the arena. I noticed a lot of parts weren't included when Radia died, when Magnus died, Resa, Imogen, even Quentin. I remember staying much longer with Radia's body, crying even while I was running away, but they took all of that out. I think it was meant to show that I was strategic as you said, and that I was using alliances just to improve my chances. Like they meant nothing else, but no, it was so much more than that. Again, I was quite shocked that my last moments with Resa weren't completely transparent. She deserved to have her last words heard. And I wanted them to show that I'm not some cold, calculating person, but somebody who really cares about people. They did show it at the end with Ryno at least and that's where people need to look at if they wish to know how I really am. And um..." I think about tearing up. "I just thought that all these children having to die in that arena is all very sad and very cruel. I just don't want to see it happen. It's that too many people suffer and it's just not fair. I think it goes against what a lot of us feel about people and having the best for each of us. I really think we should do something about this. That's what I feel and that's is who I am and they could have showed a piece of that by putting every single point when I was with a dying tribute on that film."

But that's not what comes out of my mouth. What I do say is, "Yes, I believe the film was quite accurate."


Next: 42 - The Return; The Decision Division Three (14.3)