"Remus, dear, I've already made a plate for you," chirped Molly happily as he slunk into the kitchen.

He winced slightly at the smell of the sausages she'd fried up, feeling his stomach turn. Still, he knew he'd regret it later if he didn't eat something. He opened his mouth to thank Molly and wish her a good morning but was stopped by an unexpected voice and a flash of bubble gum pink hair in the corner of his eye.

"Wotcher, Remus!" called out Tonks from the far end of the table, causing Remus to jump.

"Tonks, why are you here?" he asked perhaps a bit sharply, rubbing at his forehead in a futile effort to stave off a headache.

"Good to see you too, mate," she snarked.

"Sorry, that's not what I meant," he clarified, softening his tone. "I just wasn't expecting to see you. Is something wrong?" he asked as he grabbed his plate of food, thanking Molly as he did.

Tonks looked a little embarrassed as Molly chimed in on her behalf. "Poor girl forgot her bag after last night's meeting and needed to get it before work. I insisted she have breakfast before she goes."

"Thanks again, Molly," she said sheepishly.

"Will Sirius be coming down? He'll want to say goodbye before you go home, surely." Molly asked.

Remus felt another wave of nausea rising up. "I'm not sure. Best just leave him be for now. No doubt he needs the sleep. I'll make sure I catch him before I head off."

"Well, if you see him first, let him know I've put a plate aside. I'll give you half an hour before I get the kids up so you can have a moments peace and quiet," she said with a sympathetic smile that told Remus he must look exactly as awful as he felt.

She made her way upstairs, leaving him to pick at his rather generously portioned plate of food across from Tonks, who was happily chowing down.

"What's up your ass, then?" asked Tonks abruptly.

Remus raised his eyebrows at her. "I don't know what you mean," he said nonchalantly.

"Every time I see you, you're all sulky. What's your deal?" she asked, and the inquiry that would sound hostile from most other people somehow seemed friendly coming from her.

"All both times you've seen me, you mean?"

"Yeah, exactly. That's first and second impression. I'm just saying, you could try being a little more cheerful," she teased.

"Thank you for the critique, Nymphadora," he said dryly, remembering the way she winced when Moody introduced her by her full name. He got exactly the desired effect.

"Don't call me Nymphadora. It's Tonks," she insisted, cringing dramatically.

"Oh, I just assumed we were on a first name basis given how comfortable you are dolling out advice," he said, picking up the tea Molly had left on the table and taking a sip.

Tonks grinned. "Alright, alright. Fair cop. You can get away with it just this once, then," she said with a wink.

Remus cracked a smile at that. "And suddenly the family resemblance between you and Sirius becomes blindingly clear."

"Is he witty, charming, and wildly attractive too, then?" she joked.

"Pretty much," he said with a small smile.

"Oh crap!" she yelled, glancing down at her watch. "Gotta run, but I'll catch you later," she said, grabbing the last half sausage and eating it in one bite as she rose to her feet. When she looked at Remus again she paused. "Really though, feel better. I remember thinking last night when I was heading home, 'hey, nearly a full moon,' so, you know," she said with a look of understanding and a small shrug to indicate no hard feelings.

Usually, Remus found unsolicited comment on his condition, let alone sympathy, to be condescending at best. From Tonks, though, he didn't feel pitied and he found he wasn't bothered. He shrugged back at her as if to say, 'It is what it is,' and offered a half smile to reassure her he was fine. She seemed to get it.

She made her way to the foot of the stairs before swearing loudly and turning back to grab her bag that she had once again left on the floor beside her chair. Remus was already holding it out to her by the time she noticed. She grabbed it with a sheepish thanks.

"Catch you later, mopey," she called back as she dashed up the stairs out of site.

Remus was still smiling a little as he continued to force down unfortunately greasy meal. It wasn't often he made friends these days, but he was pleased to have one less person at future meetings that he actively wanted to avoid.

When he heard the sounds of footsteps and muffled chatter coming from upstairs, he decided it was time to finish. He cleaned his plate and vanished the remaining food before Molly could come down and see how little he'd managed to eat.

He made his way upstairs just as a gaggle of grumpy redheads were making their way down, herded by an equally grumpy looking Molly. He offered an appropriately low key 'good morning' and got a couple mumbled responses in kind along with at least one completely wordless groan.

"You'd think I was marching them to the gallows," complained Molly as she walked by, causing Remus to have to choke back a laugh.

"Try it with an entire school," Remus deadpanned quietly, earning a smile from Molly.

He made his way up to the bedroom he had been occupying and double checked his possessions, meager as they were. He paused briefly at the landing and stared at Sirius' door. Still closed. He stepped towards it, raising his hand to knock. He held it a moment, then a sigh, hand lowered. He went to his room.

Everything was neatly folded in a duffel bag, ready to go. After a final sweep of the room he assured himself there was nothing left behind. Only one thing left to do before he departed.

He wasn't entirely sure why it was so very difficult for him to do it. Sirius would be okay. It's not like he was leaving him alone. It's not like he was really leaving him at all. He would be back regularly. So why were his palms tingling? Why did a shiver run down his spine as he knocked on the door?

No answer.

Another knock, louder this time.

Remus sighed. He wasn't going to part on a sour note. Sirius would just have to put up with it. Remus lowered his hand to the doorknob and turned it. Unlocked. He obviously wasn't trying too hard to keep people away. He pushed it open and entered.

It was empty.

Remus' eyes drifted downwards to the floor. If Sirius wasn't here, Remus figured there was only one other place in the house he was likely to hide out. He cursed silently at having ascended four flights when he had only needed three. His knees ached in protest as he made his way out of the room and down to Mrs Black's former abode, now the sanctuary that housed a fugitive hippogriff.

Remus knocked on the door even as he was opening it. He stepped in and closed it behind him.

Sirius was curled up beside a sleeping Buckbeak, only it wasn't his human form who lay there not acknowledging Remus' presence in the room.

Great. It was one of those moods.

Sirius had always had a tendency to use his Animagus form when he was under stress, ever since he first developed the ability. It wasn't the worst of his coping mechanisms by a long shot, but Remus was a little concerned by how much more he relied on it now than he had before.

Sometimes it was as if he was no longer comfortable being human.

"I'm heading out," said Remus, leaning against the door frame. "I'll be over in a few days. After the moon."

The big, black dog just curled up tighter.

"Do you want anything? New clothes? Certain foods? I can bring some supplies when I return. You must be sick of having to raid your father's wardrobe."

No response. Remus stepped further into the room. He moved over to the wall closest to where Sirius lay. He sat down, leaning back against it, knees pulled up in front of him. Chest tightening as he stared at the pathetic looking creature in front of him. "I don't know what to do here, Pads," he said softly. "I can stay another week. There's so much that still needs to be done around the house. Mrs Cooper can keep the chickens a while longer, I'm sure."

Remus jerked back as the dog transformed without warning. In a moment Sirius was sat in front of him, a stony glare fixed in his direction.

"Don't give me that condescending shit. I don't need to be looked after like some wounded little creature. I never asked you to stay," spat Sirius.

"Do you want me to?" asked Remus calmly.

"What, you think I want to trap you in here with me? I wouldn't be here if I had a choice and you'd be fucking insane if you didn't want to get out. I know how to be alone, Remus. I'm a fucking expert at it. Just go and leave me be!"

"You're not alone. Even if I go, there's a whole house full of people. Order members coming and going at all hours. I'll be over all the time."

"I'd rather be alone," Sirius said coldly.

"And I'd rather you not hate me."

Sirius forehead creased as he tilted his head to the side, staring Remus down. He leaned towards him, the combativeness thoroughly disrupted by confusion.

"What the fuck are you on about?" demanded Sirius.

Remus folded his arms over his chest. "Do you really want me to stay, or do you just not want me to go? Last time we lived together it ended with you kicking me out, and with good reason. Even before that, you could barley stand me most of the time."

Sirius blinked hard a few times. He shook his head. "We aren't- nothing's the same as it used to be. We're not the same."

"I am."

"Don't be daft. You're so different I barley recognize you sometimes," said Sirius almost sadly.

"In a lot of ways that's true, I suppose, but it takes work. I still have to check myself constantly. Every day. It's so easy to look to things outside myself for what I should be getting from within. The drugs are a part of that, but it's not the whole story. The way I used to need you, it wasn't good. You were right to want out," said Remus frankly, dead calm even as he felt his nausea peaking. "It wasn't just you, either. I did the same thing to all the others to varying degrees. And I'm not saying history is doomed to repeat itself. I'm more in control than I was. But neither of us exactly have thriving social lives. The war hardly grants us stability. I want us to be friends because we want to be, not because we're too afraid to be apart. I just… don't want you to hate me."

Sirius sat quietly a while, staring down at the floor. He stroked a hand absently through Buckbeak's feathers. The great creature stirred momentarily before settling again. "You've thought about this a lot," he said eventually.

"I had to. You can't change what you can't see."

"I never hated you."

Remus raised an eyebrow skeptically. Sirius sighed.

"Yeah, alright. But I loved you more than I hated you."

"I know."

"Did you ever hate me?"

"Not even for a second," he admitted quietly.

"Then why did you hurt me like that?" asked Sirius, and for the first time it really clicked for Remus that in Sirius' mind, he had done what he did out of anger, because of course he would think that. Because that's why Sirius hurt people.

"Because I hated myself more than I loved you."

Sirius ran his hands through his hair. He stared down at the ground and Remus wondered of he'd been too honest. If he should have just left it all alone. Stayed anyway, whether Sirius asked him to or not.

Sirius took a deep breath, leaning back against Buckbeak and relaxing his posture. "You look like shit today, by the way."

"That seems to be the consensus, yes," replied Remus dryly.

"Well, you should probably go get some rest. You'll be more comfortable in your own bed, I imagine."

Remus smiled softly. "I got word this morning that I have my first guard shift on Friday. I'll come for dinner beforehand. You'll barely be rid of me."